Dear Mothers at Home,
This is a sad time for me over this Holiday time. I wish I could write about Christmas Cookies and Sweet Dough Christmas Breads. But you probably won't get that outta me this year. But I know there are plenty of good sites to go to that will encourage you in your homemaking. Last night, as Annie and I talked on the phone, I said, "Annie, I think the party is over. I may never write again." Of course, Annie laughed! I always laugh when she tells me anything devastating. But, seriously, can you all send in some writings for the group? If I did quit writing now, at least I have left the world with a few thousand writings. I have written many books of stories.
Ya know one thing the Lord told me in prayer last night was this. "Satan isn't after YOU, Connie, he is after your anointing... your gift of writing." Satan isn't worried about our flesh but he is always after the Christ within us. He tried to kill Jesus as a baby. Mary had to hide Him to raise Him. And then He ministered for 3 years and then was hung upon a cross and He died. He was a man who was tormented by the devil and was acquainted with grief. He comes for us who are broken in heart. Some of you wonder how I ever made it through 12 years of a horrid marriage. I made it like I am right now with Mary. The hard way? I was human then as I am now. And I suffered it through like I am suffering with Mary. So many around me want me to shut me up as they did the poor that ran after Jesus. "Don't bother the Master," they tell me. But Jesus came for us who are desperate to have His touch.
As I stand here writing, I think of what I was thinking and praying about a few days ago. I made myself laugh. This is my life in essence. "I was caught in a tornado and all died around me but I alone escaped to tell you." Then "I was in a fire that burned up everyone in it but I alone escaped to tell you." And everyone I was with on the mountaintop fell off but I alone was saved to tell you "God rescued me." I seem to stand... somehow God keeps me.
I am the type of Christian that gets dropped from an airplane and I land on my feet and hit the road running. Or hit the road testifying. I can't stop testifying! I know when I am makin' Satan so mad he wets his pants. But I can't quit -- it's too much dang fun. It's like a high to me to make Satan mad. It's like takin' off in a jet. It's an adventure! And we do overcome Satan by the Word of our testimony, the blood of the Lamb, and that we don't love our lives unto death. But Satan ain't worried about those who are only religious but have no convictions. Those who have the fire of God upon them are the ones he worries about constantly and he accuses them to the Father day and night.
But ya know Dixie was so anointed. She saw angels and Wisdom. She would see Jesus walk through the house. She knew the world of the Spirit. Emily would go for walks with angels in the evening down their country road. Emily was taught the things of the Spirit. But Dixie told me, "Connie, you can learn things in the Spirit and use them for sin and play with God." She said God hates that and not to do it. Dixie had another sense called "Faith." She could still see into the spirit realm, even though she wasn't walking with God. But, boy, I am tellin' you what. I know I am in danger of losing my anointing, too. I mean such as it is. I am not as anointed as Dixie or Jill was but I know I have some form of it.
There is such a peace and a covering in my home. I sleep like a log at night without any meds. There is a peace in my home that is so sweet. Jesus is here with me. Oh, He moves too slow (my opinion) and my heart breaks for Mary. But ya know what? It's like if you were shipwrecked and you were hanging onto a piece of the ship in the water. You have the grace to hang onto the ship's broken piece. But you get impatient and want to give up. "It's taking too long, Lord." But what's the alternative? You have to hang on or drown. We hate the word "Wait." But that is our salvation. We have to wait upon the Lord. We have to encourage ourselves in Him and hang on. And if we don't give up, we see His glory.
I am so aware that, as I write, the Lord speaks to me. But getting me here to write is hard. I don't want to write -- I want to cry and scream at God. "Can't you hear me? I am drowning! Where is my baby... the one I raised for You, God?" So I come to this e-machine and I lay my hands upon the keys and I write as the Spirit guides me. I am surprised at what I write. Surprised that I can still stand here. I have lost my husband to death and my daughter. How can I stand here and write? It is His grace. His anointing. He is the piece of broken ship I hang onto. And as I hold it, as lowly as it is, He makes my world go round. I am the widow with the bit of oil and meal.
Mary Elisabeth just called me. Thank God! We had a conversation. She said she is coming for Christmas to my Mom's. She was at the trailer court but I had the wrong one. But I told her I wanted to send her a Christmas card and she gave me the address. And I have her phone number. Thank God! I told her she needed help and she said she knew it. She didn't want to talk long, but we did talk, and I know she is alright sort of speak.
It's a long haul. But I have to hang on to the anointing. It's all I have. It's all you all have. You who have Jesus have His anointing. He is the anointed Christ. Hang onto Him. Don't let go and you will see His glory.
Love,
Connie
