Dear Mothers,
Ya know since Monday, I hadn't been able to find Mary, our daughter (21). I knew she had moved out of where her and this guy was. But where she was, I didn't know. Her cell phone was broke and I couldn't reach her. I had barely slept at night. And yesterday I just told God, "Get Yourself another patsy -- I am done." I told God I didn't even love Him. I have not denied the Lord since I was first married. I never thought in a million years I would ever deny the Lord like that again. But I meant it. I was out of patience and time and I didn't care if God blew me up where I stood.
In the afternoon the baby took her nap and Olivia, now 5, was in school. I sat down and prayed. I kept seeing the angels about me. And God told me that if I would get up again, one more time, I would see His glory. I didn't want to get back up but I could see I would probably go to hell if I didn't, and I just decided to get up one more time and believe God. And right when I said to God, "I believe You for a miracle" Mary called me on the phone. It was just as though by my prayers I translated her through my phone. She says, "Well, Mom, I got to thinkin' that you couldn't get ahold of me." She is very shattered yet and so I don't yell at her even if I want to.
Also yesterday Jill sent me an email telling me not to deny the Lord in a spiritual storm. She didn't know the circumstances. She is just a prophetess? Then last night, the devil came in for another fight with me. Well, the Lord is winning that battle, too. And now I have a steel pole of ornery down inside my being like a steel tree trunk growin' through me. I prayed half the night last night and it was wonderful. The Counselor came to me and made things clear to me. After Mary called, I was happy for a bit but as the evening wore on, the devil had come back to torment me.
To make a looong story short, the issue with me is the Marriage Covenant. I didn't know this was my problem -- I just thought I lacked in faith power and this is why my prayers were not answered for Mary and Brandon. I know that I have such a strong calling of God upon my life and that Satan is trying to hammer it out of me? If the coming glory in my teachings gives me double for all of my suffering, then world watch out! I mean I am no novice in the things of God, and I don't mind telling you I have suffered like a dog for the past seven months. I have been almost tormented to death. I lay in bed and pray I won't have a heart attack and die. I have not suffered like this since Jim and I were separated.
God told me last night that many of the elect of God would be deceived in these later days. Satan has tried to rip out of me that Marriage Covenant. Satan wants for me to quit teaching this. There is so much power in the marriage covenant. This covenant kept me through many years of a horrible marriage. Satan gave me 12 years of hell and God gave me double blessings for my trouble in the final 26 years of marriage. See we had a couple years in the beginning of our marriage that was livable. So it all adds up to 40 years of marriage. But I am tellin' you all who are in a covenant marriage to hold on and you will see His glory.
You know we have to fight for TRUTH. And God's Word says, "What God has joined together let no man separate." Yes, we can divorce because of adultery. But Jesus said that in the beginning it was not so. It is one husband for one wife for life. And Jesus said Moses had to make a law of divorce because of the hardness of men's hearts. I remember Jill saying years ago, "Connie, I don't want God to give up on me because my heart is hard." And, no, divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Stay where you are in your marriage. As Aunt Toot always says concerning marriages with his mine and ours, "You can't unscramble eggs." Stay married and let God bless you. But I do believe that God will do a work in a covenant marriage that He can't do anywhere else.
And as I have said before, MaryL has been my mentor for years. And she divorced and remarried and even teaches it. I know I keep her tied down and she keeps me from being too dogmatic. I mean that woman could pray a strong wind in the other direction. She gets more of her prayers answered than I do and all of her 5 children are saved. So I know God can bless a second marriage. But I will say that a woman who stays in a Covenant Marriage and is committed no matter what is gonna have a TRUTH on her that will help her to discern her way in this day of confusion.
There is a special anointing on a one husband one wife marriage. I have seen it again and again. It isn't anything this world could explain. And ya know the devil would love for me to remarry. To put Jim's picture away and marry someone else. And as the years would go on, I would forget what God did for me and so would my kids. But I have a story of a miracle. My husband was the worst man. I am tellin' you the truth. The prison guards promised me he would never be anything but a criminal. Jim was demon possessed. At a trial I had to go to, I gave our story and it ended up in a local newspaper. And now God uses me to tell what happened to that man who was so lost and confused. And that by a miracle God delivered him. And we had 6 children, all of which I am proud of.
And, yes, Mary has some problems. But I have the rest of my life to pray for her and she will always be top priority. Not because I think it is a good idea to give her top priority. But because I know who I am as Mother, and I don't give up on my babies. I will compromise with her and like her Baboon. I may have to eat Thanksgiving dinner with him. Imagine eating a Thanksgiving turkey with a real turkey? But I am gonna smile real big 'cause I know the end of the story. But one thing is true -- Mary can't be God in my life. And she will get all that I have but she won't get me to agree on a divorce to Brandon. This is where the rubber hits the road. This is where the grinding grit is. And Mary may be stubborn and stay with Baboon. And if she does, then I will have to smile and go on. But I will not bow to this world and its idols. I have already been thrown in the fiery furnace so I know the Lord will get me out.
As for me, I must go with the Marriage Covenant, and not give up. It's in me like a brand on my heart and soul. It is as a scar like the scars in Jesus' hands. I learned much about Jesus as I suffered for many years for righteousness sake. The devil tries to use Mary, my dear baby, to slay me. To stop my writings and to stop any effect I would have upon Christendom. Satan picked the right child to do it, too. Satan couldn't have set a better stage. But Jesus Christ can set a better one. The Bible calls adultery idolatry or a deception.
In this age we need Truth so much. I was watching a show on TV last evening. It was Christian TV for teenagers. Man, it was good! The preacher was young and he said, "Life is war." And he was saying that the young people need to be Revolutionists. Well, yeah! I mean these kids were hot? I mean I can tell that these new kids coming up are lookin' for the Truth.
Well, Baby, needs me and I should go feed her.
Love,
Connie
