Dear Mothers,
Last evening for supper, I fixed Jim's favorite old-fashioned gravy. I haven't made gravy since my beloved passed to heaven. But I made a good dinner last night and the gravy tasted so good. What a comfort food!
First off, I got out my big cast iron skillet and fried about a fourth pound of hamburger with a few onions. Salt and coarsely ground black pepper. When the meat was done, I took it out of the pan and put it in a bowl. Then I fried potatoes in the meat scrapings. Add a bit of oil if ya need to. Then after the potatoes were done, I put them in the bowl of meat. Then I made gravy in the fryin' pan. And, oh, was it good. I haven't eaten much but here and there unless the kids are here. And even then, I didn't make the old time gravy. But, oh, I made a pig of myself eating that gravy last night. It tasted so good. I saved some to eat today, too. I wanted to make biscuits but didn't have the heart to do it. But that will come, too.
But, oh, the comfort foods are so cheap and good. They take time but it is worth it. I took it all for granted, I guess. Jim just wouldn't eat the quick meals for long. Like if I fixed spaghetti and then we had maybe chili the next night? Boy, about the third day, Papa would say, "Hey, I am hungry -- I need some real food." Meaning where's the potatoes and gravy? And with the potatoes and gravy and meat, he wanted a canned vegetable. Jim worked hard almost up until he died. He was out in the cold doing things and needed the heavier foods.
Ya know back in the old days, most Mothers who were God fearing kept a sweet, quiet home. The kids had chores but Mothers work was "her work" and was sacred almost. I mean the Dad did the outside work like shoveling the walk and mowing the yard. He was the bread winner. He drove the car and kept up the repairs on the car and the house. The children were expected to pick up their toys and not throw their clothes in the floor. But you never entered a home where Mother was screaming at the kids to do their work. Mother's job was as keeper at home. I mean the children helped with chores but everyone knew it was Mother's job and she took pride in it. She had the main burden of household duties. Her husband's home was his castle. When Papa came in the door after work, no one expected him to do anything but take his shoes off and read the paper. He sat in peace as he smelled supper cooking. His wife was there in the home caring for the children and keeping the home fires burning.
My Mother was always home and had supper on the table at 5:00. If we children came home and the house was empty, we thought someone had died -- and usually someone had. To not have supper on the table at 5:00 was unthinkable. And I always ate like a bird at every meal as a child. I only ate my meat to make my brother mad as I knew he wanted it. He would say, "Connie isn't even hungry; she just wants to eat that meat 'cause she knows I want it." I guess my meanness kept me alive. But the old time Mothers at home kept the peace through the order of the home.
The Father of the home didn't cry or express himself like a girl and no one expected him to. Men didn't cry and act like a sissy. When I was about 13 or so, I said about Elvis Presley, "Oh, I just love him -- he is a doll. He is so cuuuuute!" My dad looked at me and said, "Why do you think a man is good looking if he looks like a doll or is cute?" That about made my dad sick. Dad had fought in World War II and had many medals of honor for bravery and courage. Later on in his life when he was old, he tried to help Mom in the kitchen and I hated to see him do that. I asked my Dad about 10 years before he died why he didn't want to come to Christ. And he told me that when he was in the war and his friends knew they were about to die, they would start calling on God. Dad thought they were a bunch of cry babies if they only thought of God then.
And ya know Jim's greatest heartache was that David and Tiff hadn't married yet and still aren't married. Jim told David, "Be a man and take care of your family." He would tell David, "I never raised you to just shack up with a woman." The old timers called living together "shackin' up". The boys always talk about Jim saying to them, "Ya don't wanna be a sissy, do ya?" The boys say that this is what they remember most about their Daddy. He always told them to work and take care of their wives and babies. "Be a man ... pay your bills and protect your family."
Jim loved the Lord. Well, he wasn't as spiritual as I was. But he was a simple man and knew the foundation of the Word. "Ya take care of your family. You are to get off your ass and work." And my boys always have a job. Dan travels all over and always goes into a city and has a job in a day or so. Not the best job but he gets one until something better shows up. All of my sons and sons-in-law know how to work. Jim didn't hand them money as children and they had to make money or go without and they knew it. Well, heck, our family hardly watched what folks thought of us. Hey, if Jim had to be a dishwasher until something better showed up, then Jim was a dishwasher. And I never worked. And Jim always said, "Honey, you have enough to do right here with the kids." And when all the kids grew up, he said I still had plenty to do ... and I did.
Jim respected my role as keeper at home and I honored his role as breadwinner and the head of the house. Sure, and sometimes these roles will blur. But mainly we should stay on our roles as this brings peace and comfort to the home. Yes, if your husband likes to cook as Jim did? Then, yes, that is fine. But the burden should always be on the mother to make the meals as this is her place as keeper at home. Or if you, Mother, are sick or in an emergency, it's nice if the husband will make a meal. But the Mother should really thank him and appreciate it as this isn't his duty. It shouldn't be taken for granted or be expected of our men. I know this writing is for someone -- I don't know who.
I know I am making some women livid. But this thing of makin' men "Mama's Little Helper" is what has caused our men to die in their manliness. And it has scattered the wives and mothers at home as they feel they have no place. If they are out at a Bible study with the other chickens, they feel no call to home as the afternoon wears on. They don't think about the family coming in from work and school and will they be hungry and tired. They only think of themselves and what they think religion is sayin' to them. But God is saying to them to go home and minister to their own husbands and children. To get busy in the kitchen and make a meal and make a quiet home to come back to.
Our families need the comfort of home to refuel themselves. Mother can be home and it is a privilege to be home. I am so happy I haven't had to leave my home as I can stay prayed up in an atmosphere of peace and safety.
Love,
Connie
