Dear Mothers,
I am so happy to be set free of all the worry I had over Mary Elisabeth. It's funny, ya know? I feel so like in limbo or something. I have had such a peace about Jim and never really experienced the grief over him. He and I had been so worried about Mary just before he died. I knew where Papa went -- I knew he was with the Lord in heaven. And yet his presence was always about me. I have never felt out of control or that Jim was in a place I didn't understand. It's a miracle, I think. I praise the Lord! But Mary had devastated me. But now I have a witness in my heart from the Holy Spirit that she is OK, that she is coming into the wisdom of God, and the place in my heart that was full of fear is completely in faith. I heard in Mary's voice on Jim's birthday, the 27th of October, that she had come back to herself. She cried and said she missed Brandon. Oh, what glorious words she said. I mean, I want to dance before the Lord in a JOY that I could only dance if I was 12! My heart has leapt for JOY.
Yesterday, as I wrote about the vision of Mary all dressed in wisdom, I kept wishing I could have written more. But I haven't called Mary since the 27th as I want her to make up her own mind and walk out what God is telling her to do. And, of course, I feel that Brandon is her covenant husband and I want her and him to make it together. But if she chooses or they choose not to stay married, then I can't change that. But the thing of it is, she has to have the wisdom of God. But I really have had visions of Brandon as an older man happy with Mary in their marriage. I can change my own destiny but not my children's. But, yes, I pray she will always love Brandon. But the main thing is that she love God and serve Him alone.
Mary is young and God will deal with her. I understand how important it is that she stay married to Brandon. Mary should not forsake the law of her Mother. Or her Mother's God. But if she must enter heaven maimed, then it is better than not at all. But the truth in my heart is mighty and I know all is well with Mary as she has come to herself. And the Lord is in control. Praise the Lord.
A Little Ruby
I hope I can write more today about the vision I had of Mary, age 21. I see her set apart unto the Lord. I see her as a young Ruby learning the Wisdom of the Lord. I see her as dressing very Victorian and not caring what anyone thinks. I see her in a head covering and her and Brandon living in the wilderness. Mary will write there and be content to be alone much of the time. She is anointed to write on homemaking and family. I see her encouraging me to write and tellin' me, "Mom, this world needs your writings." Mary will carry on where I have left off.
I just went to pray and I told the Lord that I am so old to begin writing and I can't make much of an impact on this world. The Lord reminded me of Laura Ingalls starting to write at age 60 or older. But God said to me, "Connie, you walked out a faith life and Mary will write about it. You suffered a lot of this and prayed it into Mary and she is young and will write it." Just like Dixie died but I wrote about her life. It will probably take the rest of my life to understand what Dixie experienced. But she gave up midstream. And that is my temptation, too. And that I will continue to push the edges daily until I push the wisdom of God to a bigger audience. It is a message of truth that could change the world.
Pray for Mary that she will be strong and never give up. Mary was my 7th child as I had one miscarriage before her. And Jill and Dixie and I prayed for her to come for 10 years. We kept looking for Mary Elisabeth and I had 3 boys while I was waiting for Mary to come. She was my last child and Jim was 45 and I was 39 when we had her. But God planned it this way for Mary to become of age to write when I stopped.
Ya know the reason that the church knows nothing about the family is because the teaching on home and family is to come through the older Titus Mother. And the Lord, on this group, is training many of you women to become the older Titus 2 Mother. To become one, you will be lonely. You will be misunderstood. You won't get the applause of man. You will always be fighting the good fight of faith but you will win. And as the times get harder in our country, you will be the Mothers and Wives who come out on top. Through your marriages, you are to learn to be faithful and full of courage. And if you pass your tests there, you will have the courage to pass your test anywhere else. The miracle is in the covenant marriage. If you are on another marriage, then the covenant is there, too. But if you know the truth but choose to walk in sin, then you are in trouble. But in this day of unrest and instability, cling to your marriage and in this way, you are clinging to the Lord. Yes, your family may forsake you but, dear wife and mother, don't let go of them. Fight for your families, your husbands and your children.
Mothers of Courage
Dear Mothers, if we are not radical soldiers in this Christian Army, then we should just quit and give up now. Because the Mothers and the wives at home will have to take heaven by force. We live in a day of terror all about us. We need to back away from the world and close the eyes of our souls and concentrate on the Lord. We must come out from among them and be separated unto Him. We have to hear the clear voice of the Lord and not mistake His voice with the voice of the enemy. The old-time mothers weren't out in the world and didn't hear the voice of the world. They lived among the trees and herbs and chickens. They made what they needed for their families.
I love to read about Abe Lincoln. That man is so interesting. Anyway, as a boy, he made his bed out of branches and leaves in the house as he said he loved living like a bird. He was very wise and God raised him to be president and win a victory for the black slaves. He impacted our country for good. He knew how to stand alone and take the heat when everyone around him was giving up on the war.
I think of Laura Bush and how so many come against her and accuse her and her husband of killing their sons. Man, if one Mother accused me of such a thing, it would bury me. Not that I agree with the Republican party, necessarily, but I mean folks in politics on both sides have to have a lot of guts for sure. And we as Mothers of hope and courage must have spines of steel, too. We must have at least as much courage as Hilary Clinton or Oprah. I mean these women are death warmed up. Our truth is greater then the hogwash they pedal. But we don't have the guts they have. They have an agenda that they are pushing and it is unholy. But they have purpose and unholy visions concerning women's rights and getting the mother out of the home. But we as soldiers of the cross are only asked by God to stand for truth. All He asks out of us is to not give up.
I used to sit in the rocking chair and rock the baby as a young mom and cry out in prayer, "Lord, are you sure this is all I have to do for your kingdom?" And He said, "Connie, what you do now will go all over the world." I thought I misunderstood and He meant my testimony would go all over my town. And my testimony isn't popular but it goes where it is sent. It goes to the broken and contrite heart that won't give up -- my testimony is true and it was a miracle. And it is to those who refuse to stop believing God for a wayward husband or child. Have you refused to give up on your husband or child? Then I will tell you "You will see Victory." Do you feel faith in your heart? Then this is God's grace and blessing to you and His mark on you that you will indeed see His glory. Believe and you will see His glory!
Last night, as I handed out treats to the neighbor children who came to my door, Aunt Toot and I had a serious conversation on the phone. Which is rare! And I explained to her that I would never remarry. I plan to honor Jim all of my life. Also, I think that now I can have more time to get a Revolution started. It's not yet, I don't guess. But maybe after I have rested a year after Jim's death. That will be in the spring after this winter. My day job is caring for children to support myself. But my real job is writing. I plan on kickin' hell out of the feminist movement before I go on to see Papa. I know he would laugh in heaven over that. I can see him tellin' the angels, "That's my Baby on earth causin' all kinds of hell for the feminists."
I really wish I could be on the radio. I guess I could pray for that. Oh, mercy! What a riot that would be. I mean we have a local religious channel around this area. And the people on there are as crazy as monkeys. I know I couldn't do any worse then that. But I probably couldn't get on there, either. Well, maybe if I joined a church but, gosh, do I have to be that drastic? My message is well ... different?
Marriage
Ya know I heard a TV preacher talkin' on marriage lately. Well, the preachers are preachin' on it now as it's such an obvious problem. Duh! Anyway, they are saying we can't be under the law concerning marriage and staying married all of your life no matter what. Well, there ain't no law to it! The Old Testament put women down and the New Testament exalts them. The old law was that women were to be treated like cattle and harems were OK. The Lord came to set us free from the law and now we are to be treated as the weaker vessel and put on a pedestal. Also, that we should have just one husband who loves us as the Father loved Jesus Christ. We are to be treated as the bride who is the church who is the body of believers. True believers, not just religious church goers.
I heard this comedian making fun of Iraq saying, "First is God and then the husband, then a dog, then the wife." But that is not God's plan. The husband is to die for the wife and the wife is called to die for her husband and marriage. 1 Peter: 3 explains all of this. If marriage is under the law, so is Christ upon the cross and we don't need to pay any attention to Him, either. But the whole Bible is built upon Jesus Christ! The Old Testament prophesies of His coming. And in the New Testament He comes. And the marriage is compared to what Jesus did upon the cross. See, the preachers don't know this, as this message has to come from the older Titus mother.
A lot of the modern day preachers had feminists for mothers. But as the Lord put up with the children of God throughout the Old Testament, we are to be patient with the people around us and especially with our husbands and children. And that one verse about the first spouse being polluted and you can't take them back if they remarried. Well, God wanted to divorce Israel but He didn't. He never gave up on His own. He saved His own people. I mean He did His best to save them. Judas killed himself!
Love,
Connie
