Dear Mothers,
I just want to continue to write on prayer.
There seems to be so much confusion concerning prayer. Like when Mary and Brandon started having problems, I got advice from believers that said, "Well, Connie, you can't worry about this -- you have to lay it down. You have to give it all to Jesus and go on about your life." And, ya know, in a way, this is right. But Like Aunt Toot and I were talking about it one evening. How Jesus went after the lost sheep. He didn't just say, "Well, ya know, I gotta just forget the lamb in the darkness and go on about my business. After all, I have 99 sheep to take care of." Well, I know you Moms are like me. You may want to forget about the lost sheep but it ain't gonna happen. Your kid is your kid, right? You don't forget them, not for a moment, if they are in trouble.
Now, if you could see my living room right now, you would see piles of Bible study books everywhere. When you go to fight the good fight of faith, it is going to take a lot of meditation in the Word of God. I kinda resented that for a while. I didn't want to spend hours out of my day studying. I wanted to be well right away. I didn't want to spend hours and hours writing my prayers on paper. I wanted to be well and stable.
But I am here to tell you, it took a lot of hangin' out with Jesus to be set free. Now, yes, nerve pills help for a short time. But if you are really nervous and unstable, nothing will help but Jesus. Once you get set free with Him, then a natural herb will help the most. I think. Well, do what works for you. But after losing Jim and then I had a worse mess with Mary and Brandon, the whole mess was killing me. I would wake up in the morning with anxiety attacks comin' at me like hammering bullets. And now to tell me that I should just lay my burdens down and forget it was like telling a woman who has just been dropped off a building that she shouldn't worry so much. That really hurts when a Christian tells you that. They should know better. They should come to you and be understanding with you. Of course, your heart is broken -- your child is suffering and you can't make it stop.
But I am telling you something. We are in a spiritual warfare right now. Things that used to work for us don't work now -- the rules changed. The short cut through the Dungeon of Suffering is to go to the King's Palace in a hurry. Throw yourself NOW upon the old rugged Cross and hang on for dear life. This is what I did. I wasn't calling friends and doing this and that -- I just clung to Jesus with all of my heart. Friends ask me, "Do you like to spend so much time alone?" Well, when you are hurting like I was and you knew there was no help any place but in Jesus, then, yes, you want to be alone. Aunt Toot helped me a lot and Jill, of course, too. But the major help has to come from Jesus. It just comes from the Lord. See, we live in a society where we have a lot of answers and most don't include holding onto Jesus until the answer comes.
So the plan goes like this. Say you wake up on Monday and you are shot emotionally. You must run for your Bible and a comfortable chair to sit in and you meditate on the Word of God. You may want to watch a good Bible based show on TV or the radio. I have to admit I have found some I liked. And if you have little ones, you just grab the baby and take care of her and get her settled, or the older children. But you have to get things settled so you can just sit and pray. I did all of this with little ones, too. Mostly, I got up earlier then they did to have time to pray. And I learned, too, how to pray and sleep at night and wake up and pray and go back to sleep. Don't feel bad if you fall asleep in your prayers. Pray without ceasing. Fall asleep in prayer and wake up to pray until you fall asleep. But your anchor has to be the Lord and His Word. If that means going to church for some of you, then, by all means, go.
Spiritual Battles
So, anyway, you prayed on Monday and got set free and you feel confident that God has heard your prayers. You wake up on Tuesday and you have a dark cloud over you and your nerves are shot. And you cry out to God, "Lord, why haven't you changed this situation with my family?" Well, who says He didn't on Monday? Nothing has changed since the day before. But Satan is there to wake you up to tell you that your prayers weren't answered on Monday. So you wail at God that He doesn't do anything to help you. So part of the battle isn't all with the family -- it is you that gets so out of focus with your praying that you cause the confusion yourself.
So I was doing this, too. So the Lord had me write the prayers down and journal on paper each day. And when I got up to pray each morning, the Lord had me read the spiritual journey of the day before and the days before that. So this way, I wasn't back and forth in confusion. Because if you let the devil have your mind like that each morning, all you will do is keep starting over each day. But if you write it all down, then you can connect each prayer. You can build faith block on faith block. You can layer faith to faith and grow spiritually.
See, as prayer warriors, we don't at first, as we pray, know the mind of Christ in a situation. And this takes time in prayer daily to understand His will. So, in other words, part of moving the mountain has to do with getting the prayer warrior praying in the right direction. You can't make God do what you want if it isn't His will. And learning His will isn't always easy. And following Him isn't, either. But as a seasoned believer who has been a Christian for almost 40 years, I am here to tell you. You have no place else to go. He is the way the truth and the life. If you are a serious Christian and really mean business with God, then make Him your anchor. If he is not Lord and King of your life, then He can't move on your family.
I mean, you have to know how to cry out to God. Quit trying to change your family -- work on changing yourself with God's leading. And I have become so frustrated that I have closed the doors and windows in my house and screamed and cried to God. He was the only one who, I thought, could know me. I have screamed and cried for hours until I was screamed and cried out. And a silence would come and a stillness. And then I would open the doors again and be ready to receive company or write on the email. But our souls sometimes are so gutted with torment. Satan lies to us and sends his demons to torment us. And sometimes all you can do is scream it out to the Lord. You just have to cast yourself upon Him. The self pity isn't there when you are with the Lord like that. You are only crying out your soul to Him. You aren't putting on a show for anyone. It's just a prayer to Him.
And He is the fresh manna. I mean, if you turn to friends or a book, this is often old manna. Jesus is alive and a real person. Just as you want to have fellowship with your husband every day, you should have fellowship with Jesus every day. I mean, the children of Israel had to eat fresh bread from heaven each day. If it wasn't fresh, it would mold. And this is how it is with Jesus -- it has to be a fresh Word daily to walk with Him out of the darkness.
So, first of all, to fight the good fight of faith, you have to know the mind of Christ in your situation. And also you have to be focused daily on what the Lord is doing daily. You can't skip a day and forget the Lord. So each day you read the notes from the day before and build faith upon faith.
But, see, the confusion comes in when Christians tell you to do this and that and quit worryin' over your problems. Well, see, this is why the children of Israel were in the desert for 40 years when it would have only taken then a few weeks to get to the Promised Land. They couldn't hold onto their faith. It takes concentration.
Prayin' Through
I will say that, through my prayers, Mary seems to be coming back to herself. I feel Brandon is, too. So, ya know, ya keep praying.
And then you think you have come to the Place in your spiritual journey where you can rest and wait for God to work. You feel you are home free. But then here comes the devil to lie to ya. Your first thought is, "Now, I am not taking that thing back up. I am laying it at the feet of Christ." Well, Girlfriend, welcome to reality -- that little demon hangin' on your leg with his sharp teeth ain't gonna let go until you use the sword of the Spirit on him and remind him of the blood. He is a lyin' demon, trying to get you off your faith. Don't let him torment the livin' daylights out of ya. Rebuke him in the mighty name of Jesus. Pray until he lets go and you are back up and runnin' again. What he is tryin' to do is condemn you and tell you that you ain't Christian enough to know how to lay your burdens down.
Well, ya know, I could stand here with the house on fire and say, "Well, I think I will just go to the store and let the Lord have my burdens." Or maybe you are like a woman with her hand caught in a meat grinder and a Christian comes along and tells you, "Just trust in the Lord. His mercy endureth forever." Well, that is not reality. The place of rest comes daily as we intercede in prayer for ourselves to have the faith we need to face the day and to pray for our loved ones. Then ultimately, in the end, when we pray through and our loved ones come back to Christ, of course, then the real rest comes.
I have nothing but JOY concerning Johnny who I prayed for until I saw His glory. And, of course, even in Jim's death, I have peace with Jim. Once Wild Man was free, he gave me peace. And it will be a peace I will take to heaven.
I always said about Jim that it would take an eternity to have enough time to praise God for Jim's deliverance. Jim was so demon possessed. He took pictures of Jesus and tore them up. He tried to kill me one day when I was praying. He escaped prison and I watched it on TV. He was always wanted by the police. And I used to have to take care of the children and make bread while cop cars circled the block. I had no peace for 12 years. Every year, I was left like two or three times. It was a nightmare. Of course, I didn't know what I know now by faith.
But, ya know, a mother is not going to rest spiritually if their child is in trouble. The true and lasting rest won't come until the child is safe and walking with the Lord. Oh, yeah, we can get all religious and say, "Well, I just gave my evil child to the Lord and all is well." The Father with the prodigal son didn't rest until the son came home. Yes, we have a daily rest as we pray for the family and go on. We are as Elijah whom the Lord fed with flesh from a raven and streams in the desert. We get a rest daily after prayer. But the real rest comes only as our child comes to Christ and we see His glory.
And we have to hear the Lord's voice. And when Satan attacks us with doubt, this is the Lord calling us to His side. He calls us to come apart to pray and eat of His body and drink of His blood. He is our bread of life. And we have to apply Christ to our aching hearts.
See, Satan bites at our hearts but God is the covering for it. And the more we pray where he bites, the closer we come to the victory. The Lord allows the bites to show us where and how to pray. But to ignore your broken heart with words that say, "Well, I am giving it all to Jesus" is just a cop out and is not fighting the good fight of faith. We must stand up to fight and to take the whole armor of God. And having done all to stand we stand. We stand with swords of the Spirit drawn, which is the Word of God. Satan must bow to the Word of God spoken. Faith is a shield and won't allow doubt to enter our hearts. We believe that we have what we ask for. We have on the breastplate of righteousness. (Ephesians 6)
Pray without Ceasing
Ya know, Jill was sayin' the last time we got together to pray, "Connie, I pray more in tongues and you pray more with words." And this is true. And I got to thinkin' of that this morning. I pray more in words because I am a writer and have to be able to explain things. And Jill is more in the Spirit? I know she prays in the Spirit, for our group, in a way I could never pray. She is really more spiritual than I am. And I think it is because I have to reach the people I minister to with words. Jill seems to rearrange heaven when she prays. But the Bible in Ephesians 6 says to pray with all kinds of prayer. Dixie prayed in tongues, too. I do, too.
I have to know the truth and the truth sets me free. Some of you ladies get set free as you listen to praise and worship music. Aunt Toot says she gets set free by going to church. Aunt Toot thinks if I don't go to church, eventually, that lightening is gonna come out of heaven and kill me. I mean she is serious! But it takes all of us to make up the body of Christ.
But, dear hearts, continue to pray and seek the Lord and bring your families to Christ. Fight the good fight of faith. Pray without ceasing. Pray until the raven brings you flesh to eat. And until you drink of the streams in the desert. And soon God will show you a storm cloud as he did Elijah. And it won't be long until the cloud will burst with rain. Oh, the mercy drops will start and then you will pray for the showers of rain. The blessings will come, dear Mothers who are prayer warriors. The rains will come upon your dry and thirsty hearts and homes. God is going to restore us and give us double blessings. I prayed for Jim for 12 years and God gave me 26 years of blessings with Jim before he passed. God is faithful and won't forget us. And the rains will come and they will be plenty to bless us and to bless our friends and neighbors.
The Lord will raise up a standard for us as Satan has come in like a flood upon us. But our God will rescue us from the den of lions and from the furnace. And we will come up and out of the furnace without even the smell of smoke upon us. Psalms says I had fainted had I not believed to see the goodness of God here in the land of the living. We are His daughters of light and we will see His glory. No weapon formed against us will prosper. And the Lord will contend with those who contend with us and our children.
Satan will not have our children. Our children can deny a lot of things but they can't deny that they were born of strong Godly Mothers who are called as prayer warriors for His kingdom. Jesus calls us to pray for His Kingdom on earth to be like His kingdom of heaven. We must call down His glory into our homes and make heavenly homes on earth.
Anything we ask in Jesus' name we will receive. Nothing is impossible with God. We need not fear what people can do to us. We must just look upon His face and find His glory. We must walk out our faith as Phillipa has vowed to do in her marriage. No weapon formed against us will prosper. Fear not, little flock, for don't you know it is the Father's good pleasure to give you His kingdom.
Love,
Connie
