Dear Mothers,
Yesterday I was talking to MaryL on the phone. She is my mentor and is 77 years old. Anyway, I was telling her a story and she says, "Connie, have you written this story on the email?" I said, "No, I hadn't." Then my friend Ruth came over later in the day and we were sitting outside talking in the yard. I told her the story, too. OK, here it is.
About a year ago, the devil had really whispered in my ear that our Christian Joy was a hopeless case. I mean she is a lovely girl and works hard at making PUNK ROCK outfits for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs! In some people's eyes, she is a big success. Her band was on the David Letterman show, just lately. It has been very overwheming to me as her mom. And Chrissy and I get along fine, as she is very loving and supporting of me. And ya know, I just thought in my heart, "She is a beautiful girl and we get along fine but she will probably go to hell and I can't worry about it. I have done all I could." I thought she was my Judas in the scheme of things, a lost cause, really. I had lost all hope and I thought in my heart, "Connie, don't tell anyone what you think but Chrissy is going to hell and nothing can be done." And I thought, "Ya know, she will never find a man to love until she leaves NYC." To me, this was all carved in stone and I wasn't going to tell anyone about what I thought. I just thought this was my cross to bear and I wasn't going to bug Chrissy or anyone about it. I thought, "I will just B.S. my way through with her but she is going to hell." I thought it was signed and sealed by God.
So here comes Chrissy home about a month before her Dad died to introduce Jason to the family. I just went along as usual, tryin' to keep peace in the family. I sit and listen to music with the kids and we talk. Chrissy says, "Mom, Jason plays the piano and I said, "Oh, good, Jason, please play for us." He is a professional musician. Well, he has a regular day job, as all NYC people do, and then they play music and try to make it BIG. Most people who go to NY don't make it big but leave it to my kids to do so. So, anyway, I fully expected Jason to play something worldy on the piano and he sat down to play and played the most HOLY Christian song I had ever heard. It was a song of worship to the Lord. Not an old religious song -- no -- but a song that touched my heart and caused my heart to sing again. He not only played it so beautifully but he sang from his heart about Jesus. Talk about being ashamed of myself, for not trusting in the Lord.
Jason has been an angel in my life. He and I sit and talk about spiritual things and Christian Joy doesn't even seem to hear us. I think he is an angel disguised as Christian Joy's boyfriend. Chrissy told me lately, "Mom, when I can't understand you, Jason explains you to me." I am like, "Hmmmm." He reminds me a lot of Jim after Jim got saved. And Chrissy says he reminds her of me. I think he is just what God did. Jim and I prayed for Christian and I think the Lord answered Jim's and my prayers and gave Chrissy a man who was like me and Jim. "Jim and Connie" seems to be written all over Jason.
Last night in the night, I felt so hopeless concerning Mary and Brandon. Oh, I just felt tormented as my heart bled for them. I tossed and turned all night in prayer. But this morning, as I write about our Sissy Joy and Jason, I know the Lord hears my prayers. He does not leave us forsaken concerning our children.
We Moms just suffer like wounded dogs lost in the dark. We raise our children to know Christ and some of these kids -- ya just swear they are hopeless! But if God can send Christian Joy an angel for a boyfriend, He can do anything. Jason doesn't even talk to Chrissy about the Lord that I know of. But she is used to me saying, "Oh, the Lord did this for me and that." And so if Jason talks about the Lord to me, it isn't foreign to her. It goes over her head -- so far, anyway.
But ya know, we Christian Mothers are just tormented to death at times over our kids. No, not when they are young, usually, but as they get older. I mean we are bigger than they are when they are young and we can control them usually. But when they get to be adults, it's different. I swear I planned on my last 3 kids being perect and when they weren't -- Oh, man, the Lord heard a wailin' in heaven He has never heard before. (Well, almost.)
When David, my son of faith, left home at 18, I picked bleeding hearts flowers from my garden and put a bouquet where David sat at the table. Broke my heart! When he went on to have Baby Rose without ever marrying the mother, my heart tore out of my chest. Still he isn't married and Jim's and my heart just broke. But ya know what, dear Mothers? God is still on the throne.
Are we more worried about our reputation or our kids lives? I am embarrassed to death most of the time. But God must think I am worth something. I seem to have some amount of truth in my soul. And now Sharon is putting together another book for me. She says she needs it. I am thinking, "Who on earth would follow me if they had any sense?" I think of myself as the backwards Titus 2 mother. I am supposed to have kids I can brag on -- well, I can brag on some of ''em. But God tells me, "Connie, if you will follow me and keep goin' with the Titus 2 ministry, I will take care of your kids." Well, God knows I need all the help I can get.
I keep reminding the Lord that the oxen that plows the field is welcome to eat all he wants as he plows. If he wasn't plowing and workin' his tail off, he wouldn't have anything to eat. No, if I was to start teaching as soon as my kids were perfect, then that would be when Hell freezes over.
This little dab of religion we try to teach our kids often is just enough religion to bug 'em and not bless 'em. And ya know, our kids coming up aren't like some of us were in years past. Our kids are dealing with a lot of culture that we never had to face. Our sons NEED to be sons of Thunder! We are raising sons now that have to be warriors and Revolutionalists. If we don't raise our daughters to be stout hearted in the home and full of courage -- oh, we have missed the boat. Some of us moms hate our kids' lives. But didn't we give our children to Jesus to train?
A lot of these tattoos and piercings seem to look so war-like to me. Is this our kids' ways of acting out being warriors for Jesus? They are young; they have a certain amount of light. We can't stand there and judge them according to our own lives. Man, I don't even have pierced ears. I did as a young girl but I don't now. When I was 9, I talked my Mom into it. And the neighbor kids thought I was a Gypsy. Anything to be radical, ya know? Even at 9 years old. That was in the 1950s. So that was pretty racy then. Well, and when I was in high school, I wore safety pins in my ears. Just to be bad. Then I forgot the whole thing and don't even have pierced ears now. Christian Joy told her teachers at school I was a biker and had tattoos all over my body. Oh, that Christian Joy! I don't have any tattoos. Thank God! But now Dan and Johnny, they have enough tattoos for all of us put together. And Jim put his own on when he was young. Stuff like "Born to Lose." Well, that's ok -- I wrote "Nothing is impossible with God" on his heart. And that's what counts, huh?
And ya know, in the 1980s when I was homeschooling, the teaching was that if your kid didn't mind, just throw him out of the house. Boy, I was for that. But Papa wasn't. I mean, I wasn't heartless but I thought it would turn the kid around. And I thought it would be for a few days. But Jim wasn't like that. Jim would say to me, "Connie, our kids aren't any different than anyone else's kids and they will be alright." I would get all religious and want to go by the books about tough love and all. But Papa was so full of love.
And ya know, in the Old Testement, if a son was rebellious, then they were to be killed. Hmmm! But Jim dealt with his rebellious children as I had dealt with him. He walked with them through the valley of the shadows.
Our son John helped my mom yesterday with yard work. It took hours to dig this huge bridal bush out of her yard. After that, John had to go to work. My mom said, "Wow, he is a good worker."
Oh, my gosh! I would have died to hear that in the 90s when John was so lazy I could have drowned him in gasoline. He was so lazy and would never take a bath. One day we were in the car with my mom and dad who thought I was nuts, anyway. And they said, "What is that smell?" And I said, "Oh, that's Johnny -- he won't take a bath." I would order him into the bathtub and he would fall asleep in there and then get out without ever washing. The other kids lived for this moment and would get a bucket of ice and throw it over the shower curtian on John's sleeping head. I thought the boy was utterly hopeless and I cried buckets of tears. And wrote tablets of prayers to Jesus.
Oh, John is a precious son now. I couldn't live without him. He and his lovely wife and son moved here from Missouri. They felt the Lord calling them as they said we needed them. And, oh, we did! Christine, John's wife is as Ruth was to Naomi to me. God knew what He was doing.
Papa and God knew how to handle John and I was a grieved mother who could barley stand it. But I had to submit to Jim on all of this. He was never all that religious or taken up with the teaching of the day. I mean some of you, your husbands are like Dr. Dobson or like Mike Pearl. So it's good that you follow this teaching. But my husband was not and I had to submit to my own husband as unto the Lord. Our husbands are called by God to lead us and we have to let them. They have a special calling to lead the family and we can't interfere with that.
In closing, we as mothers must cast down our fears and evil imaginations. We must trust in God with our chidlren. And all of our children will be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace.
Love,
Connie
