Mercy, I am having to learn some hard lessons in life lately. I haven't wanted to write lately, as I have felt so hurt inside. But I was writing to Jill this morning and we often speak of Dixie. We knew that she could have beat cancer instead of dying of it. She had prayed privately for many who were healed of cancer ... and yet what happened to Dixie? Well, she backslid, and then she saw it all for what it was and tried to hurry back to the Lord and repent. And yet she somehow weakened her life to the point that she somehow lost her way. And cancer took over and she fought that thing until the minute she died. But the cards, I think, were just too stacked against her. And I am here now where she was when she backslid.
I wanna lay down and die, too. Satan gives me so much trouble over losing this grandbaby that I want to die myself. And this is how he works to take the seed of truth and courage out of your heart. He lies to us and tries to defeat us and get us to quit trusting in God. We think we are the only ones suffering, or that no one has suffered like we have. All of this is lies of the devil. And the biggest lie of all in Christendom is this, "If you are a Christian, then you won't have any problems." That is the biggest lie told. This lie told is to weaken us and make us feel that, because a trial has come our way, we are being punished. Well, some of us are. But we can ask the Lord to forgive us and go on in God. But if the devil can talk us out of our anointing or weaken our anointing, then this is what he is here to do.
Think of a solder on a bloody battlefield with dead bodies all around him. He may be only half way alive. The first day, he cries and feels sorry for himself. But he is alone out there baking in the sun ... the vultures are flying over his head and it is just a matter of time until he will perish. And yet, at this point, he turns his face to God and to Him alone. He no longer sees the dead bodies about him or the vultures overhead. He doesn't consider his own body or the deadness of the situation. He decides to not stagger at the promises of God. And he calls upon the Lord and the angels come to minister to him. And if he hasn't waited for too many days, the hope of him being found is good. But if he has wasted many days of "Why, God, did this happen to me?" etc., then he has less of a chance to see His glory. He is perishing daily.
Yes, God is the same yesterday today and forever. He never changes and it is never too late to come to Him. And yet, we think we have a long time to wait upon Him or that we will get right someday. But we don't have until someday. We are in the fight for our lives today. Each day we wait to get right with God and to walk in faith, we are giving the devil more power. And if he gets enough power over us, then he can take the anointing of God from us.
The anointing is the touch of God upon our lives. I am anointed of God as a writer. It's not my fault I just show up here at the e-machine and go for it. I would just as leave not do this. And yet I have to write as the devil tries to eat me alive. I would like a normal life? Hello? But when will I just decide I will never get one? I have made the devil so mad because of a healed marriage and other little tidbits that he has my number. And he don't want me to do that again! If he would leave me alone, I would leave him alone, but I guess he don't know that? But ya know, if you are like me and ya went ahead and lived even though no one wanted ya to. And ya kept your marriage even though it made everyone mad, as it convicted them? Well, ya made the devil mad. The church was hoping to God I would fail so they could say they told me so ... and now I have enough nerve to go ahead and be a writer and actually look important? I mean the devil is mad at me? And ya know, just because I am a stinker, I think I will get back up again and keep on going.
But see, we as Christians are in the fight of our lives. It's not hard to fight evil. Ya just get up in the morning and decide to follow God in faith. The problem is not moving with God -- the problem is that Satan is there to lie to ya and to tell ya that you are sunk, whether you follow God or not. The Bible says to fight the good fight of faith. But we are so ill taught that we think it is strange when we fall into diverse temptations. But the word says, "Think it not strange, Brethren, when you fall into diverse temptation knowing that the trying of your faith works patience and let patience have her perfect work that you will be complete and entire wanting nothing."
Again, as I have written before, Satan is in a hurry as his time is short. But the fruit of the Spirit in us is long suffering. Oh, we win in the end ... oh yeah, we sure do. We as soldiers fight the good fight of faith but we win. All of this teaching on suffering to suffer is a sickening teaching. No one believes that stuff. But the truth of it all is, yes, we suffer to enter the Lord's place of rest and service. But whatever the devil takes from us, the Lord gives us back double. And I am expecting Mary to have many more children and each anointed of the Holy Spirit. The devil can't just come in and attack us without God knowing about it. And all things do work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
We suffer as believers but not beyond what He is able to cover us. His peace and anointing is always there to help us. But often we are in a hard labor, like child labor. We get so tired and worn out and our visions of God become faint. We are so bombarded by the enemy that we actually believe his lies. We believe that God hates us and that His presence is not with us. And yet His word is our map and our answer as He tells us, "I will not leave you or forsake you." He tells us, "Fear not for I am with thee. I will strengthen thee and help thee and uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
"But it hurts, Lord. I want to die." Well, yeah, labor hurts ... but we get a baby out of it. And many of us are ones to be intercessors and we birth the answers to prayer through our spiritual wombs. And God knows it hurts and yet we can't give up. We must keep on going until we see His glory. And the harder the labor, the greater the answer. And, yes, he helps us in our spiritual labor and He strengthens us and upholds us with the right hand of His righteousness. We are not alone in our suffering ... never alone.
We feel alone and in a darkness that a light can't seem to penetrate. And yet this is a part of the temptation in our wilderness. We want a light of truth but we don't get it. We want the arm of flesh to minister to us but we don't have it. We are alone on a lonely battlefield of life, and death is all around us. And yet, we straight up decide to trust in God and wait upon Him ... and soon the curtain is lifted somehow and we see that He, Jesus our redeemer, was there all the time. He was just a foot away behind a curtain watching us upon the battlefield. He tests us at times. He has our lives under control and yet, just before we go into a greater anointing, He will test us to see if we will serve Him in the dark. Will we roll over and play dead like those around us or will we trust in God?
Even though we have felt that He has forsaken us and slain us and left us for dead ... can we trust in Him? The Holy Spirit is not seen by the flesh ... we cannot know Him in the flesh. Our spirits must call unto Him, to His Spirit.
Oh yes, we suffer as believers. But it is a suffering for a purpose, for a greater Joy set before us. We suffer to see His glory. Our faith is stretched so many times and it feels that we will die as we feel the pulling of our spirits. And we wonder how can we cover all the hell set before us? We trust in God.
