Dear Mothers,

Jill came over yesterday with Jane and we had a wonderful time in prayer. I don’t want to forget it or some of the things the Lord told me about it. Jane is doing so well and is another Dixie, as far as faith goes. Jane says electricity goes through her body when she feels the Holy Spirit. She is just loaded with Jesus.

When I woke up this morning, the Lord said in the ears of my heart, (I mean, this isn’t word for word but in thought, it was), “Connie, I am going to give the women on the group many victories — that’s a given.” He said that was just the overflow. But He said, “You and Jill have been praying a foundation of faith for your families and Satan will never have any of your kids. You have been through the tests and the trials and didn’t give up. All of your children will be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace.” I could see that very clear as we prayed here in the dining room.

Jill and I told Jane many stories about how Jim was miraculously saved and delivered. Jill told me that, as she reads my daily writings, I am getting closer to the reality of what Jim went through. She told me that it is so hard for me to explain because it was such a strange set of circumstances. I asked her to write some testimony of it on the email. I know that what I write about Jim and me is sometimes just out of this world. But it WAS very much out of this world! And there are deep hidden lessons to be learned in it all. There is a treasure of wisdom to be told about all of it.

I feel that I practice telling it to you ladies as I try to daily uncover the true flavor and mood of all of Jim’s and my marriage. I know it could be a remedy to many broken marriages. I just feel, when I write, that the Lord wants me to call the broken marriage back to the land — back to working with your hands. Back to you and your husband against the world. As women have become their own protectors, the husband no longer feels the need to protect or go out and slay dragons for the wife and kids at home. Jim always talked about “Connie and the kids.” He felt he had to take care of us any way he could. And I kept myself by faith vulnerable to Jim — and how did I do this after he had left me many times? That was such an uphill climb.

After we told Jane how we had prayed for Jim, she got up and went over to her sister Jill and cried. She hugged Jill and said, “Sis, thanks so much for not giving up on me. Thanks so much for praying for me.” I hadn’t prayed like Jill but I prayed some in agreement for Jane’s deliverance. I felt so honored that Jane thanked me, too, for my prayers.

Jane was in the gay lifestyle. But it wasn’t all that gay. We had been praying for her for about 20 years. She got set free the first time out on Dixie’s farm. But then she went back and the past years, before she came to Christ again recently, were a nightmare. I see her now about every week or two. And I tell ya, every time I see her, she looks more anointed than when I saw her the last time. She is becoming quite the godly virtuous woman. She is a Joan of Arc. And we talked about being Warriors for Christ. The Lord told her He wanted to give her a real sword (representing the word of God). And the Lord told her to go to this store and it would be there. She went to this second hand store. And she couldn’t find the one the Lord had for her. She had looked and looked. And pretty soon, she went up to the store clerk and asked her, “Do you have a sword I could buy?” And the lady took it out from behind a shelf. She said later that she wasn’t going to sell the sword unless someone asked for it specifically. Jill told me that it is a beautiful golden sword. And on it says “The Crusader”. The Lord has been speaking to me about being a warrior, too. Jane lives in a lovely Victorian home for Christian ladies. She studies and goes to Bible groups daily.

Victory in Jesus

But, oh, we had a lovely time in prayer. I didn’t want to even bring up Mary and Brandon as I didn’t want to cry. But the Lord said to and I did and, of course, I cried. Jill got up and prayed and swung that devil every way but loose. And then Jane came over to pray for me and when she touched me on my shoulder, I jumped. It was funny — I could just feel the Lord in her touch.

This morning when I woke up, I could sense the angels rockin’ Brandon’s boat (life) back and forth and vibrating his soul. After Jill had prayed for me yesterday, she said, “Connie, this ain’t nothin’ — you have been through worse than this.” All I can say is if I was Brandon, I would quit now and give up while he still can. Because it is as though Jane has taken Dixie’s place. And, ya know, when Jill and Dixie and I got in agreement, anything could happen. And, surely, Jim was a bigger gun than Brandon. So Brandon is in the bag. Praise God. And I know that all of you are in agreement with me, too, that Brandon will be raised up for the Lord Jesus Christ. He will be a mighty warrior for the Kingdom of righteousness.

And, ya know, I think the Lord healed Brandon of Chrons. Mary says he looks healthy. I mean, he almost died and God healed him. And so what does he do but get healed and go the wrong way. I mean, he was a wrack of bones weighing only about 90 pounds. Then God healed him and he has used his wellness for the devil. But God is ending his little career of evil. I can even see him in my spirit when I pray. And he is saying that he knows I have been prayin’ for him and he knows he is doing wrong and plans to stop and do right.

I think sometimes a person taken in sin can’t stop it, even though they know it’s wrong. Sometimes they think they just have to ride it out. Or they are so bound that they can’t stop or even ride it out. And a prayer warrior has to come along and pray and rebuke Satan. And, ya know, someone with the Power of God has to just keep bangin’ into Satan until he lets the captive go free. I mean, this is why we believers are here. It is to pray the captives free — to lay hands on the sick so they will recover. Satan takes folks captive to sin and they can’t get loose on their own. And the devil will bang away at the believer and try to get the Christian to give up and quit slingin’ that sword and shield. And, oh, he will lie to ya about who you are prayin’ for. Mary told me so many things about Brandon and she found out later someone had lied to her about it. Here I would be up in the night prayin’ and the whole thing was a lie. Satan is a deceiver. But we have to just keep on plowin’ away and not stop, no matter how bad things get or what lies are told us. We can’t give up.

We are here to bring heaven to the earth that His will is done on earth as it is in heaven. This is why we are here, to fight the good fight of faith. It isn’t so that we can have a life of ease and luxury. In the Garden of Eden, Satan was not in control as he is in parts of the world today. Satan is an enemy of Christ, and our enemy as we follow Jesus. But some demons won’t let go without prayer and fasting. The disciples couldn’t do the works of Christ at times because they lacked the power. And Jesus told them that some demons are harder to cast out. Not a problem — it just takes longer. But the fervent prayers of a righteous woman availeth much.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I just feel it’s important to write more on faith, as many of you are on the way to getting your prayers answered. For me to stop writing on faith at this point could stop the Spirit’s flow too quick, I think. I want to tell you some faith stories in my own life that used the principals of faith that we have discussed.

See, many years ago, before Jim was saved, this is what would happen. I would think all was well with us and, out of the blue, he would leave the family. See, when some of you all’s husbands have left, you may get some idea of where they went. Like maybe they went to a bar or a friend’s house or to a relative’s house. Jim didn’t do this and I knew better than to look for him, as I knew he was gone and wouldn’t be back until God Himself brought him back. So I could be living a normal life and, all of a sudden, Jim was missing as if UFOs came and took him right off the earth.

You know how ya feel if a family member is late getting home, how you worry? Well, this was a nightmare with Jim and it happened many times. And he would be gone about 3 months. My life would just stop and I would have to begin again alone. The first weeks or so, I would grieve so hard, it just about killed me. Then bitterness set in and it went for about a month. I was gonna divorce that sorry S.O.B. etc. I would beg God to give me His blessings for a divorce. And when He told me that marriage was until death, I would curse the Lord. And then do a lot of repenting. Talk about a soul in turmoil. Then, finally, as I could see that I wasn’t gettin’ out of this thing without leaving the Lord, I got back up and onto my faith.

Now, here I am, a very broken woman. I felt like I was standing in midair to start believing God. I didn’t have the slightest notion of where Jim was or if he was even dead. But just out of the blue, the Lord told me to believe Him for Jim to come back home. So I would start cleaning the house and getting stuff ready for Jim to come home.

I listened to faith tapes constantly, as fear would try to fight me. I did the things that I talked about in my earlier writings on faith. But, see, I had a lot of fear. So I used faith tapes like an iron lung. I had to have faith bein’ pumped into me like a dying woman. I was the key here. See, God had to have a faith filled woman to do what needed to be done. I was not it, and I needed a supernatural faith that could move a mountain. So I got ahold of Kenneth Hagin tapes and books by Smith Wigglesworth. And in the 1970s Ken Copeland was very anointed to preach on faith. So I got a bunch of these tapes and I fed my fearful soul with faith. At night before I went to bed, I turned my tape on and let it play and let it shut itself off. But I listened to the Word of Faith at night until I fell asleep and the next morning when I was barely awake I would turn the tape player on and listen to it until I got out of bed. Then I would travel about the house with the tape player and would listen to tapes as much as I could. I had a tape player in the kitchen and I had to finally throw it away, as it had so much brown sugar in it. I had it right beside me on a counter in the kitchen when I was cooking. And notice I didn’t say I had tapes on the whole Bible. I needed faith and I just had tapes on faith that told me scriptures to meditate on.

OK, so Jim would be gone for about 3 months. This was because it took me about that long to get back up on my faith. That was my cycle and not Jim’s. And then Jim would be home about 3 months. About the first month or so, I would be able to hold my faith on the line. Then as the time went on, I would begin getting more fearful because I wouldn’t be able to hold onto my faith. I spent more time with Jim and less time with meditation in the Word and one day, sure enough, he was gone again. Jim told me he felt like a yo-yo. He would be gone 3 months and then back 3 months.

Fear Is the Enemy

When my faith was up, Jim would be home and doing well. And when the fear came to me, the fear sent Jim back to the highway, hitchhikin’ out of town. No suitcase, no nothing — just Wild Man on the highway with his thumb in the air. Once someone asked him where he lived before we were married. He leans back in this chair and says, “Oh, anywhere I hung my hat.” I was like, “No, you didn’t just say that.” But it was the truth. Jim would look for a mission in some town and listen to their song and dance to get something to eat. You had to listen to a sermon and then you got a free hot meal. Then Papa would travel on. And, no kidding, we went through this 30 times — yes, I counted them. Sometimes it wasn’t 3 months; it was a shorter time.

But, see, in all of this, I was the key player. Jim was an unbeliever so he was just out there doing what he had been doing for years before I came along. My Baptist preacher gave me some good advice. He said, “Connie, you aren’t Jim’s problem but you can be his answer.” Jim was one accident goin’ some place and the Lord had called me to stop Jim. Now don’t I wish that some of these nutty, crazed criminals in our world all had wives who would stop them! But, no, everyone runs out and gets a divorce. Usually, most husbands who are weak in faith have wives who really have gifts of faith. God won’t put a husband and wife together who both have no faith.

So, anyway, I was a key player here. God dealt with me and my faith because I was the one listening. I couldn’t do anything on my own to help Jim, but God could! What was my part to play? It was keeping myself loaded up with faith power. In myself, I couldn’t make Jim stop running. He had been running away since he was 14 and I met him at 25. He ran out of the army — even jumped through a plate glass window to get loose. Jim looked like a trapeze artist and he couldn’t be tamed. He ran over me like I wasn’t there. I am tellin’ you, that man was over the top. There was no way in hell I was gonna do anything to stop this guy. And if we went to counselors, he just told them what he thought he was supposed to say and that was it, then he would run away. But God wanted to stop Jim and save him.

I felt it was a crap shoot from the beginning but learned to follow God as a helpmate to Jim. I felt that if I left Jim, then Satan had won the battle in Jim’s life and in mine. I didn’t believe in remarriage and I figured I would be alone and I didn’t want that.

I had loved Jim with all of my heart. But slowly, as the years went on, I began to hate him. I would get so discouraged. Yet in prayer, God would help me back up and get me on the faith road again. I had to walk with God and depend on His power. Just like a car ain’t goin’ anywhere without gas, we won’t see any miracles until God alone fills us with gas or the Power of the Holy Spirit.

We must be empty vessels waiting to be filled with Spiritual power from on High. You must know that you can’t get a powerful miracle without the in filling of the Holy Spirit. We are vessels that must be filled with power. And God will fill us with the Power we need for the problem at hand. No weapon formed against us can prosper, once we get our faith built up to the point God can use us as a spiritual weapon.

And, ya know, when Dixie came along in my life and added her faith to mine, BINGO, Jim’s career of running was over. It stopped right now! I had seen some small miracles before that, and many prayed. My friend Barb, who just joined our group, fasted and prayed with MaryL right at the same time and Jim was healed. He never left again. Of course, Jill always stood with me and comforted me, too. But in the beginning, I had to walk alone in my faith and then God sent helpers. For Dixie to tell me that Jim was healed was like her talking to a beehive. I was so hurt that I just plain resented her saying that. But she kept telling me, “Connie, Jim is healed.”

Miracles

See, God had that healing for Jim many years before it happened. I just never could maintain enough faith and hold it out there long enough for God to work. I would bang away at my snake until I was tired. God would give me enough faith to bring Jim home. Jim even traveled to Mexico. He would come home with foreign money. I wondered, at times, if God didn’t just pick Jim up and transport him to me. So I knew some of my faith was working. But I didn’t have enough faith. I could bang into the moon with my faith but couldn’t maintain it.

The key, as with everything, is maintaining your faith. It’s like when you take herbs. If you just take them one day, it isn’t going to help you. You have to take them every day for them to be effective and make a change. And faith is like that. You can’t take pot shots at it. You have to pray until you believe God and then add faith to faith until Satan lets loose of your family. Just like a snake in your house. You hit it with a broom and that don’t work so you hit him with a knife. He is wounded but he is still alive. Well, you don’t, at that point, say, “Well, I guess ya never know what God is gonna do and that snake needs a home, I guess.” No, you are right back at him. You go get a gun and shoot the dang thing. And if he is still alive, you shoot him again. How many times do ya shoot him? Until he is dead. And this is how we have to come after these demons that get ahold of family members.

And everyone fails in their faith at times. That’s why it took me 12 years to get the demons off Wild Man. See, in the Bible, when families brought their demon possessed to Jesus, Jesus healed them. He didn’t tell the demon possessed to straighten up and knock it off. He knew they were bound by demons. Normal family members brought the demon oppressed to Jesus and He healed them.

But the mate who is of sound mind is the key player. The Christian holds the key to victory for the demon oppressed. The problem is that the believer takes everything personally that the demon oppressed family member is doing. And Satan takes them off on a Trail of Tears and they go get a divorce. Good Night! God has called us believers to cast out devils and to set the captive free through the mighty anointing of the Holy Spirit. Many in our world today are casting out devils and they aren’t even Christians. And in the end Jesus will say I never knew you. But the believer’s job is to cast demons out and raise the dead and heal the sick through Jesus.

We live in troubled times. With wars and rumors of wars. We need to understand the power of Jesus. The whole thing in a nut shell is this. If we have a family member who is demon oppressed, then you need to rebuke Satan from her or him. But you can’t do that in yourself. Here is the key — you must be filled up with God’s power. Jesus is the key. If you have to get faith tapes or whatever you need, get it. And then after you get the faith, maintain it and keep using it daily until the manifestation of the miracle comes into the physical. You keep killin’ that snake until it stays dead.

And you don’t need to go through 12 years of hell like I did. Good grief, Girlfriend — you have my testimony. I didn’t have any testimony to count on. When Jim first left me, I went to the Christian bookstore and I said to the lady clerk, “Do yo have any books on husbands running away?” This was about 1969. The lady is like “NO.” Well, I had read Cross and the Switchblade with Nicki Cruz and I could relate to that. But none of us believers had heard of anyone like Jim. Most families back then were doing half way OK. Most folks married and stayed that way. Rarely was there even one divorced person in church. And there I sat in the pew, deserted every 3 months. I was a fish outta water and most Christians wondered what I had done to deserve Jim. Of course, in the midst of it all, I was winning folks to Christ.

Prayers

So right now, I just hold the families before you, Lord Jesus, who have children or husbands that are just causing much heartache in the families represented here.

Father God, please fill us with the mighty power of Jesus Christ. Fill us with your powerful Holy Spirit. Please give us the mind of Christ.

Satan, we come against you in the mighty name of Jesus, not in our name. We show you Christ’s power and not ours. You must bow to the Power of Jesus.

Satan, we are Covenant Women. We have made a covenant with Jesus Christ and His Word says All of our children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace. Also the scripture says What God has joined together let no man or woman separate. God’s Word says that if we obey God that He will reward us. He rewards those who diligently seek Him. You cannot cross over the blood line and the Victories Christ won at the cross. God has called His covenant Mothers and wives to cast out demons in His name. And we cast you out in Jesus’ name.

You filthy spirits of hell, get out and go back to the fiery pits of Hell, in Jesus’ name. And we bind you away from these families in Jesus’ name. We don’t attempt to cast you out in our name. But in the name that is above every name that is named upon the earth, Jesus Christ. He is our King in heaven and on earth.

Lord Jesus, we expect many miracles today. Thank you, Jesus, for your power. I loose angels as ministering spirits to come and minister to the women of God. Show us what we need to know to stay clean from these demon spirits.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Well, I have prayed and the Lord is saying to keep writing on faith. I hope you can read these faith writings in order, too. I know I am getting free writing these. And I think one part builds upon the next part. And that, of course, is the key to faith, anyway. One day builds upon the other.

If God has told you that your prayer is answered, then you have to believe that and not get back into unbelief. It’s easy to fall back into a negative viewpoint. But what you have to do is put the promise of God out like a seed planted and hold onto it and protect it until it takes on a life of its own. Like for our kids. We plant the scripture that says All of my children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace. Well, I am looking at this scripture like it is on fire. I see these flaming words written on a dark sky and the words are on fire. They blaze with a red hot fire. They are words alive and sharp and cutting between the soul and the spirit. They are words of truth that will not return void. If your husband is adulterous, see the words What God has joined together let no man separate. We have planted these words in the heavenlies. We have loosed them into the earth and what is loosed on earth is opened up in heaven. We bring His will out of heaven to the earth. I loose these scriptures upon Mary and Brandon in Jesus’ mighty name.

Now, Mothers, I can pray this way this morning and, as the day goes on and the world starts in on me, the devil will try to get me away from my prayers and visions. And if he does, then all of my standing on the promises will become null and void. But we have to be bold and stand on the Promises of God until we see His glory. If we do nothing else today, we must protect this promise of God for our families’ salvation. God is the miracle worker, not us.

It is our job to protect the seed of faith as Mary, Jesus’ Mother, protected Him as a seed in the womb. Jesus was a seed of truth and we carry seeds of truth in our spiritual wombs. Mary hid away unto God and she didn’t care what folks thought of her. She was pregnant without a man and she still went about boldly trusting God. Few believed what she said. Even Joseph had to have a dream from God to even believe that Mary was a virgin and yet pregnant. Joseph believed God and went out with Mary in faith. Had they not had this faith, God would have had to find someone else to do this holy act.

About every major event in the Bible happened with a miracle. To get a miracle, you have to have faith. God is a supernatural God and this is why our faith pleases Him. He can’t contact us if we don’t have faith. It’s like if you call me on the phone and I have no phone (faith), then how will you get to me? Faith is the phone. God can’t call unbelief. He can’t get through.

But today keep the promises first place in your mind and heart and don’t let the devil talk ya out of it. Some of you won’t make it without the miracle working power of faith. You must arise out of your ash heap and arise to take up your bed and walk. Some of you just won’t make it without this faith. Stir up your faith and encourage yourself to have hope and then to have faith.

Faith is always Now. Believe that you have what you ask for and you will receive it. Read Mark 11:23 and 24. Walk out your faith and clean the house for the wayward family to come home. Declare that you are believing God and that you will raise your children for the Lord Jesus Christ. And nothing less will do. Declare openly to Satan that you are a covenant woman. And don’t forget to declare it to all the flesh you come around during the day. Don’t let he devil gnaw at you and get the promises to die in your heart. OK, so now you have announced the word of God and you have believed God and now you say, “It is done.” When Satan comes to bug ya, just say, “Devil, you are too late.”

Covenant Mothers

So declare openly to Satan by faith, “Homey, you are late. I have made a covenant with God and my family is saved, healed, and delivered and ain’t nothin’ you can do about it.” And, Mothers, as long as you hold onto your seeds of God’s promises, ain’t nothin’ Satan can do about it. Because God’s covenant with us is His Word. And if we obey it, then He will bless us. His Word is alive and quicker then any two edged sword. If you will stand and not give up, you will see His glory. His Word, laid out there on the line, will produce a hundred fold return. But ya have to keep your foot on it until you break the back of Satan.

I mean, if you have a snake come in your house, tappin’ him with your broom won’t kill it. How many times do you beat a snake with a butcher knife? Answer: until he dies. Ya know, Jill and I have talked about Jane’s conversion to Christ. Well, she used to be in a gang. And she says that when Satan comes after her, she rebukes him and automatically does gang signs at him. Some of these women who have been in gangs and lived like hell, I think, have a better understanding of spiritual warfare. Well, we are in a battle for our lives, dear Mothers. Some of our kids know this better then we do. Our nice little Christian ways ain’t gonna work as they used to and shouldn’t. The world is changing and, in order to blast Satan off his perch, you had better get some war like tactics goin’ on.

Cryin’ and feelin’ real sorry for yourself may impress you but the devil ain’t gonna feel sorry for ya and let your loved one go. No, when you cry and feel sorry for yourself, this is music to Satan’s ears. He rests when you cry in pity. But what scares him spitless is a Covenant woman that he knows ain’t gonna let go until she sees the glory? Whoa Nellie, that is scary for him. And when Satan is cast out, he looks for another place to rest. So he goes to a house of a woman who is living in unbelief and fear. Fear causes Satan to take residence and to rest and relax. He figures you want him there as you have given him some mighty fine air to breath, FEAR. He loves fear and it causes him to lock into the walls. The Bible tells us 365 times not to fear. It’s because it creates an atmosphere for Satan to dwell in. But faith causes Satan to go nuts. He becomes restless and confused. And that’s the way ya wanna keep the old dragon, confused! Pretty soon, since he loves to rest, he will leave your house and go find a place where the women cry and feel sorry for themselves. He loves that!

And, yes, in earlier writings, I said I cry and scream out to God sometimes, as I get so full of anxiety and fear. Well, if this is just between you and God, then it is a part of praying. It is casting your cares over on the Lord and He gives you a game plan. Yes, sometimes we have to cry our grief out to the Lord. But self pity is different and leads to depression, and we can’t have that. This is just unbelief and will lead to much worse problems. But in prayer, when you cry out to God, you are looking for a solution. And sometimes we do have to cry before the Lord. I do, anyway.

But, too, you railin’ on Satan and all without the Word of God will just cause the devil to laugh at ya. But if you have the Word of God out of the holder, then you can take that sword of the Spirit and beat that dragon senseless. Satan has no place in your home and your on going battle is to keep him out with the Word of God.

We have a lot of opposition as Keepers at Home. Jen, did you see in one of the Keepers at Home magazines from New Zealand about that Juanita someone who is supposedly a prophetess? And she said women should pray against women who are teaching that husbands should be the head of the home. She said it was to oppress women. And Joyce Myers is getting really bold lately about speaking against the home where husband is priest. The world would love to destroy the true Christian home.

But as Christian Mothers, we need to flex our spiritual muscles and get downright tough and hard to get along with. Get ornery and declare, “Just because my dumb kid is stupid and wants to go to hell, it don’t mean I am going to agree in the spirit with that.”

I used to tell Dixie things out in her farm kitchen. Like I would be mad at Jim and say something wicked about him or about myself. Dixie would say, “Well, I am not in agreement with that.” (Remember her saying that, Jill?) As I would rant and rave about something that had happened at home, she would say about 24 times, “Well, I don’t agree in Jesus’ name.” She was a piece of work! If rats got in her barn, she would take a baseball bat to them and kill ‘em. That woman was fearless. She stood on the Word of God and didn’t let go.

And ya know, it isn’t our being tough that will get us anywhere. It is the Word of God that has the strength. But I do think bein’ tough and hard to get along with in the world is good. We don’t need a reputation for being a pushover when we are in a wrestling match with Satan for the lives of our families. But we do need to stand up strong for the Lord and for His Word. And let the tail go with the hide. If folks don’t like it, they can go to hell, right? ‘Cause that’s where they are goin’ without Jesus.

But ya know, my babies — mine and Jim’s babies — are my first thought every day and night. I want to win all of you to the Lord, too. But my own children is where I feel responsible. And when I stand before God in heaven, I best not be standing alone without my 7 babies (one miscarriage) and Jim. Because heaven won’t be heaven without Papa and his children there. NO. Just because my kids want to go to hell, I ain’t gonna let ‘em go. God says that it isn’t His will that any perish and go to hell. And it isn’t my will, either, and my kids ain’t goin’. I am a covenant Mother and I expect the Lord to reward me.

Dear Mothers,

I feel, after reading about Sara’s husband dying, that I am writing to a war zone. We are all in a spiritual war, for sure. If any of you wondered how I made it when Jim left me over 30 times in the beginning of our marriage? Well, I battled it spiritually as I am battling now for our Mary and her husband Brandon. Girlfriend, you are lookin’ at it. I feel like I walk over dead bodies just to get to this keyboard.

Sara on our group has four children under the age of 11 and her husband had an accident at work and died instantly. I weep with her and also Jen who lost Richard a few months ago to sickness. Not to mention the heroic ladies on my group that are fighting tooth and nail for their marriages. I laugh at the groups I hear about that don’t allow problems discussed on their group. Well, hello? We are in a spiritual battle for all of our lives. Our country is at war and many battles rage also in the spirit realm.

Fear is the enemy spirit that is trying to rule us. Satan is trying to set up his kingdom to be worshiped. He got kicked out of heaven for this. He wants to be like the Most High God. He is a deceiver and wants to be God. His time is short and he knows it. The believers don’t fight against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities and wickedness in high places. This is talking about three levels of demonic powers. The wickedness in high places is governments run by Satan. And, of course, the government affects all of us. But the point is that our problems don’t originate with the flesh — it originates from the demons of hell.

Satan gets us all fearful and we become like the bull who chases the red cape. The red cape isn’t the problem — it is the bull fighter that the bull really wants. And we think our kids are the problem or our husbands. But they ain’t? The devil is just keeping us running after the red cape. The Bible says we don’t wrestle with flesh and blood but powers and principalities and wickedness. And as we get our focus off from our faith, then we try to get our kids or husband to make us feel better. But Satan is biting them in the butt, too. So we get a dog fight goin’ on. Mother is blaming the child and the child blames Mother. And Satan will keep that merry-go-round goin’ on until hell freezes over.

We as Christian Mothers must see that Satan wants us to chase our tails like crazy dogs on a mission. He wants for us to battle wills. What is really goin’ on is this. The Mother has prayed for the child and the child is trying to (they think) live their own life. They think they are innocent of any wrong doing, as it all seems innocent enough. But what they are doing is opening up a flood gate of problems for the mother who is praying.

See, Mother is standing on the Word. “All of my children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace.” Mother has been a faithful Mother and sacrificed her own life to be an example to her children. But in an instant, as the child goes astray, Mother falls and cries and gives up. She thinks she has failed. All of the promises she claimed for her children, she thinks, didn’t work. So Satan gets her to take back the promises she stood on. The enemy gets her to give up on her prayers. He gets her to believe that God’s Word didn’t work for her and her family. So Mother turns her sword of the Spirit upon herself. She begins to use her own authority against herself. She begins to give up on her prayers for her prodigal. And she negates or cancels out the promises she claimed for her son or daughter when they were babies. Then half baked so called Christians come along and tell ya, “Well, you sheltered them too much. You should have sent them to Public School like we told ya to do.” And Mother stands in the shadows broken in heart. She feels totally forsaken and lost. But, Mothers, you have just been spiritually whipped for righteousness.

See, we don’t need a Roman soldier to come along and beat us and throw us in prison for preaching the Gospel. We have our lovely children to do it. God knows any Mother worth her salt would rather be beaten and thrown in prison than have her child go against the Lord. My worst nightmare is to think that all of my children wouldn’t all go to heaven.

When Jim and I first began to home school, it was against the law. Daily, Jim would say, “I will go to jail, not you. I will go.” Well, the Lord kept us and we didn’t have to go.

When our John was such a prodigal, Jim would spank John, even as he got older and was a teenager. Jim would say, “Drop your drawers and grab your ankles.” Jim would whack John with a belt. But then John began to threaten that it was against the law for him to get a spankin’ so Jim quit spankin’ him for a while. But Jim, one day, told the family, “I don’t care if I do go to jail. John is gonna get a spankin’ when he needs it.” So John was back to droppin’ his drawers and grabbin’ his ankles. The younger boys never needed even half the spankin’s John got, as they were too afraid. THANK GOD! And the girls, I don’t think, ever had a spankin’. At home they were angels. We never had any trouble with them until they moved out and got married.

But we fight a spiritual war for our children. God’s word does not return void. The precious promises that we claimed for our children are still valid. I mean unless we Mothers turn the sword of our authority around to ourselves and kill our own selves with the sword. If we let the devil bite at us and nag us that God’s Word won’t work for us. Or the promises we claimed for our children didn’t matter? Then, yes, our children will fall, as Satan will get us to stop the promises of God from working. As we give up and quit, then it is as if we erase some of our past. We erase the promises and covenants made between us and God as we cried upon our beds in prayer.

When Baby was little and we loved God, we thought our hearts would burst with love for our dear children. We got our Bible and prayed diligently for our children. We protected and loved them and told the Lord that we would raise our children for His glory. And the children are sweet and loving as they grow up. But then as teens they are caught stealing and have to go to jail — or some such nonsense. But it is all a set up of the devil to come against the one over there claimin’ the Promises of God. It was a foolish prank of the child, as all the other kids were doin’ it. But Mother who has sacrificed her life for the child doesn’t see it all like that. It is as a sword in her chest. Her heart is broken and this gash is only the beginning of the years of suffering. And I think this flogging comes especially to Mothers who are the most dedicated to the Lord. And we are not to think this is a STRANGE thing. Paul in the Bible went through many trials to preach the gospel. And, Mothers, ya know what? We are in a war? We prayer warriors are raising up sons and daughters and grandchildren for His glory. And Satan is fighting us. Well, so what? Greater is he in us than he who is in the world.

Ya know, when Jim and I first married, it was hell. But I knew Satan was after my home foundation. Satan wanted to destroy my marriage so that I wouldn’t have anymore children for Jesus. But because I fought the good fight of faith, I was able to give birth to 6 children. Four boys that God will use for His glory. Our John, the one who drove me the nuttiest, is the one who now gives me the greatest peace. All of my sons are faithful to me but John is the sweetest, I think. And that dang kid at 16 ran away and I only saw him maybe once a year for the next 7 years. He did this right when I started homeschool. But Satan wanted to stop me from homeschooling. And I carried that burden of John for 7 years. John was sent of Satan to persecute me and stop my homeschooling.

But, no, John didn’t intentionally want to stop my homeschooling. He didn’t even consider that. But Satan did. Satan tried to stop me with grief in my soul. Satan taunted me with all kinds of accusations and condemnation. And once I would settle down, John would call collect to tell me that Mexicans were shooting at him tryin’ to kill him. There was never a dull moment as I tried to homeschool my 3 youngest children. But finally I could see that John was being used of the devil to almost destroy me and the whole family. So I made the decision to lay that burden down and not let John do that to me.

John was my baby of the first 3 children. Oh, my mother’s heart was so tender towards him. I held him so close when it seemed my marriage would not be healed. Well, then Jim was healed and I went on to start another family and second group of 3 children. But John was my beloved. Johnny is very artistic and spiritual. And Satan knew who to use to break me down. And it was very hard to stand strong and not give up. But I had 3 little ones to care for and, of course, we had to walk pretty straight as the authorities were watching us because of homeschool. This was in the 1980s, and Iowa was really hard on homeschoolers. If they could catch ya for something, they would.

And now the devil tries to use Papa’s and my baby girl Mary to stop her Mama. It’s hard, as she is hurting, too . Chloe Faye who died at 7 weeks old has a birthday coming up on July 20th. She would have been a year old. It breaks my heart that Mary and Brandon are separated and Mary won’t barely talk to me.

I can’t watch Mary and pray. It would break my heart. I have to look at Jesus as I fight the good fight of faith. I cry out to God “Isn’t my heart broken enough as I lost Jim? And now Mary?” The Baby of our older age. The little girl that used to be Papa’s and my greatest Joy. She could talk Papa out of anything. And yet Satan don’t care. He is the enemy. He ain’t gonna let loose of Mary just because he feels sorry for me.

And God can’t work unless I claim His Word. Last night, as I went to bed, the Lord spoke to me. “Don’t ever let a piece of flesh dictate God’s word to you.” I mean, I could look at Mary and think, “God must hate me.” But Mary, as sweet as she used to be, is now being used of the devil to try to take me down. I as her Mama have to see this. Not that Mary is trying to be used of the devil. No. But the devil will use the child in your life that was the sweetest to take you down. They have our hearts and what they do effects us. And our mother’s heart wants to look away from God and His promises and be Mother only and not prayer warrior.

Rescuing Mary in the spirit, for me, is like trying to rescue a drowning victim that is fighting you and pulling you under in the water. I have to watch Jesus from the shore and not take my eyes off of Him. Because Mary’s strength is trying to pull me under. And God calls me from the shore. “Don’t use your own faith — use the faith of God.”

See, our faith can take us a few days. But we have to unleash God’s faith. We have to pray for our kids until we build a stronghold of faith to break down the stronghold of Satan. We as believers are called to raise up a standard. When Satan comes in as a flood, the Lord will raise up a standard against him. That standard is our prayers of faith. We know we are finished praying that standard when the peace comes and we enter a rest in the spirit.

I pray daily until I come into the rest for the day. But then the next day, when Satan comes, I have to pray again until the peace comes. Each day, I am pulling down strongholds. The ultimate rest will come but hasn’t come yet. But each day, we have to pray until the loved one is free from Satan’s hold.

When do we give up? We give up when we see the victory and not until then. We keep knocking and seeking and praying until we see His glory.

Grief and Fear

And I have to say because of the widows on this group. I have not grieved much concerning my husband. My grief has been because of Mary. God showed me in the beginning, right after Jim died, that Jim was alive in heaven. Jim and I were very close and I have sensed his spirit right with me.

I don’t see things in the spirit with fleshly eyes. I have never seen an angel or any spirit beings with my physical eyes. I know Jill used to see demons march through her room every night. Some sat on her bed. She got so used to them that she wasn’t even afraid of them. I don’t wanna see anything with my physical eyes. NO Thanks! In fact, every night, I tell the Lord I am so thankful that I can’t see things. I can see, though, with my spiritual eyes. Yesterday I could sense Jim about me like a butterfly dancing around my face and hair. I could feel him like a whisper upon my ears. We can’t see the wind as it blows the leaves but we know it is there as the leaves fall.

I told the Lord, right after Jim passed, “Lord, I know every husband wouldn’t come back from the dead but I know Jim would.” Ya know, when Jim was at work and maybe was late getting home, he would feel my anxiety and call me on the phone. He always knew when I needed him. Papa knew, and I guess God knows that no one can comfort me like Papa. I guess I am not that spiritual yet to say that God is my all and all.

One time, I saw a vision in my heart. Papa was telling God all about me in heaven. And Jim told God that he was proud of me and he wanted God to meet me. Jim had me wear this beautiful blue gown and he put a gold crown on my head. And Papa ran and got me and escorted me to the front of the temple. And Papa lovingly handed me to Jesus. And Papa said, “Connie, this is your new Husband.” And, well, I am workin’ on that? Jesus is a husband to the widow.

Ya know, when we get to heaven, we will see all of our loved ones. We will talk to them and be with them forever. We as believers are in the kingdom even now. We are starting everlasting life now. His will is to be done on earth as it is in heaven. Seems to me, heaven is pretty close. What we loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

I feel Papa’s love all around me. Our marriage was so bad in the beginning years. But then, for the past 26 years, Papa made it all up to me. In the early years, he left me for months as a time. I would often sit and wait for him, holding his shirt or something of his. Now, those were such days of grief and heart brokenness. We were truly separated then. My chest would hurt so much, I could barely breathe. I would just gasp for air as my body ached so much with grief. But I am here to honestly tell you that I am not experiencing that as a widow. Jim and I were so close in the spirit and if we fought, we were truly sorry. Jim loved me and I knew that. I am at peace with Jim.

Oh yes, I had some guilt over not spending more time with him at the hospital. Well, I spoke that out to him or you can write it out in a letter to your husband. He can hear you, just as he will hear you when you go to heaven.

Dan says he has dreams of Papa. He says, “Mom, we will be at a family gathering and Dad just comes in. And I say to myself ‘That can’t be Dad — he died.’” But Danny says he just goes ahead and hangs out with Papa, anyway, as he misses him. Well it probably was Jim for real in the dream, just wanting to hang out with Danny. I can still hear Danny crying over Jim at the Hospital calling, “Papa. Papa.” The tears pouring from his eyes. I am not surprised that my Daniel has dreams and visions of his Papa.

But we are Christian widows — we are not without hope. We are not as the unbelieving widows whose hearts have no hope of heaven. I mourn for Mary, especially, as she was Papa’s baby. But I don’t mourn or miss Jim as he has never left me. Papa wouldn’t do that.

See, I battled fear so terribly after Jim got healed in 1979. But, see, as a young wife, I was left and abandoned by Jim many times. So once he got saved, he turned around to a wife who was a bundle of nerves and fears. Almost every day, I would have fear attacks. It’s a wonder those attacks didn’t kill me. I was so afraid of being abandoned again. So once Jim was healed, he began to take care of me. He was the only one who could. He would go off to work and I would, at times, be horrified. Jim would call me, “Honey, come down to the restaurant and sit with me on break if ya wanna.” He would tell me, “Honey, call me at work whenever you want.”

Once he got saved, he was so tender and loving with me. It broke his heart if he thought I was worried or upset. And I tried so hard to walk by faith and not ask questions all the time. But Jim knew my heart. He knew I was giving it my best shot. But when you have been through so much trauma, you can’t just get well on your own. Jim was like a nurse to me. And I kept prayin’ and rebuking the fear on me. And I built up a stronghold of faith.

Satan had come in on me like a flood but God raised up a standard. This standard of faith is working even now and I have no fear about Jim’s passing. I think the first day I did. Then I have been at peace about it ever since. I trusted Jim and I trust him even in his life in heaven. Evidently, when God builds a stronghold of faith on earth, it stays here.

I know what I am expressing here is unusual, but it’s the truth. I just tell it to give comfort to Jen and Sara. I know you girls have children now to raise alone. But as the children see you walk in peace, they will, too. Just pray for the children until you are at peace each day. The Holy Spirit is their comforter, too. Thank the Lord, Jen and Sara, that your husbands were godly fathers and husbands.

Love,
Connie

I just woke up and I looked out my side door here and I see Papa’s red rose bush has bloomed. What a gorgeous huge red bloom. June is the month when most of our roses come into bloom. I will go out and cut it later and put it in a vase for the table.

Yesterday, as I wrote and prayed, just on paper, the Lord gave me a teaching on prayer. It’s stuff you all know but it has a different way, I guess, of looking at it. OK, here it is.

The Lord gave me a picture of it. He said, “If a woman is praying for a pound of hamburger to feed her family and the Lord answers the prayer, how does He answer it?” God is a Spirit so He doesn’t go to the store and make the meat fly out of the store and fly down the street to the woman’s house. He is a Spirit as He isn’t here in the physical like He was when He came to the earth. So He puts thoughts in another sister’s mind to go get the hamburger and bring it to this Mother’s home who was praying for it. So He puts thoughts in His children’s minds and this is how He leads them along. But first we must touch God with our prayers to Him.

Without faith, we can’t please God. And God only responds to His own Word as this is Him talking to us. So we must pray in faith according to His Word. Just like when we talk on the phone there is certain rules to follow. We may think the phone should work without us turning it on, or pushing the “Talk” button. But just because we think it should work like that, it won’t. And you can yell at the phone all day long and curse it until you are blue in the face and it won’t go on. You can feel sorry for yourself and cry and wail but it won’t go on until you follow the rules and turn it on and push the button that says “Talk.” Well, that is how you get hooked up with God. You must push the “Faith” Button and this pleases God and He hears you.

Faith is always in the NOW. If you have faith you believe it for this minute and you see the answer in your spirit Now. And you act on the Now faith. So if you are prayin’ for hamburger, you get your fryin’ pan out and anounce “Supper!” OK, so God will speak to another sister who has an extra 3 bucks and is willing to bring it to your house. By the way, this sister is also a woman of faith and has her faith button pushed “ON” as well. But our minds are the heads of our spiritual temples.

This is my point that God works through our minds to run His world. This is just a simple way of telling you what the Bible is saying. Like the Word will say “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” How do you delight yourself in the Lord? You delight your mind and you think on Jesus and His Word that says to cast your cares upon Him. So it is your MIND that you delight. And how do you receive the desires of your heart? You receive your dreams through what? Your MIND. Often we receive through our Spirits — we feel a touch from God or an anointing. We feel a spark that sets us free. But we won’t understand this anointing unless our minds explain it to us as our minds are touched by the Spirit. Our minds have the knowledge of God and we need our minds to instruct us. Or to explain what is going on in the Spirit realm.

The Lord tells us in His Word that He will guide us and direct us and lead us. How? Through our minds. Or through Him speaking to someone else’s mind to give us a word of knowlege or wisdom. We don’t receive Jesus through our legs or our arms or our feet. We receive Him through our minds. Either He tells us to help someone or them to help us. But He is a Spirit and He deals in the unseen things.

Jesus is in heaven and on the earth, too. He can be all places all at once. This is why He went back to heaven after being on earth in the physical. He could do more as a Spirit than a physical body. He could only talk to one location at a time when He was in the physical.

So if the Bible says “Protect your heart for out of it are the issues of life,” this isn’t meaning the physical heart or a physical organ. It means protect your mind for out of it will come the words of life. Or it is talking about our memories. How, if we don’t watch what we take into our minds, then it will come out as we talk. Or our minds will lead us to do the wrong things as we have put wrong things in our minds.

We hear so much preaching on not confessing the negative. And I go for that, too. But I think it all starts in the mind. But our minds are what God speaks to when He speaks to His children. He guides the earth through our minds. Also our spirits but the mind is the organ that explains it. God in heaven probably just speaks in the Spirit to the angels. But He has to speak through our minds and our spirits. Our minds are the spiritual organ that makes things happen under the laws of God, and with “Now” faith.

If you aren’t walking out what you prayed for, then you are walking out what you didn’t pray for. So you are canceling out your own prayers. So you are praying for your wayward husband to get right with God. You pray for hours that he would come to Christ. Then your Aunt Goose calls and says, “So what is that miserable piece of hide up to today?” Then you start sayin’ “Oh, he didn’t come home until 2:00 this morning and he quit his job again and I don’t know what we will do.” Well, Darlin’ you just dug your own grave. You were right with God and you were on your faith as you prayed and now you just threw it all in a hole. As Aunt Goose keeps talkin’, she is filling your heart (MIND) with sin and unbelief. And out of it will come the issues if life.

By faith you are to see the answer and to call things that are not as they are. No, you don’t lie about it. You just act stupid when Aunt Goose is around. If she calls and says, “What is that no account bum up to today?” you say, “Gosh, I don’t know — I haven’t had a chance to ask him.” As you avoid the question over and over again, they get sick of ya, and then they leave ya alone. Let folks know that you don’t gossip. You are a woman of worth and your price is far above rubies.

OK, so you pray in faith all morning and then Aunt Goose ruins it all in a matter of 5 minutes. And you get off the phone and run in the living room and fall on your knees and tell God that He never does anything for you. And just before Aunt Goose called, you and Him had it all figured out and you were walkin’ in faith. But see how much trouble God has with us? We are to be of one mind with Him. He leads through our minds. But if you won’t keep your mind on Him, then he doesn’t have time to work.

Then there is the imaginations of our hearts or our “MINDS.” We are to cast down vain imaginations. Well, we don’t have imaginings in a physical organ. It is our minds that imagine things. Vain imaginations are images in our minds that are against God, or that make us the god instead of Jesus Christ. They are images of vanity and pride. We are to cast this stuff out of our minds, and any thoughts that are exalted above God.

In other words, we must have Minds of Christ. Minds that God can communicate with. He cannot communicate with a mind that is talking with the devil and exalting Satan. Like prayers that go like this. “You must hate me, God, as I never get blessed and you always bless my friends, etc.” This is not a prayer that is talking to God. If you went before the Queen of England, would you go in and start cryin’ and beggin’ and sayin’ how much everyone hates you? No, that wouldn’t be proper or respectful. Well, God Almighty is certainly more important than the Queen. But ya gotta talk His language to Him. You must come before Him with faith. Because He won’t let you into His will if you are in unbelief. You have to make up your mind that it’s His way or the highway. Then pray according to His Word.

And having done all to stand we must stand. We must hold in our minds the mind of Christ. Just as Moses held his arms up as the battle was being won, we must hold the mind of Christ in our minds until the battle is over. If you are in the heat of a spiritual battle for the life of a family member, don’t give up.

Hold the Word up to the devil, the promises of God. He attacks our minds and we must hold in our minds the weapons of warfare. We take on the full armor of God. The helmet of salvation to protect our minds. The breastplate of righteousness which protects our spirits. We gird our loins with truth. OK, truth isn’t held in our loins but in our minds. We must hold in our minds the truth about our loins or our wombs or reproductive organs. If we don’t have the truth on that, we won’t get anywhere as women of God. OK, then we are to shod our feet with the peace. OK, our feet only receive peace through our minds. Then the shield of faith. Faith is received through the mind and spirit. But the mind guides the spirit, and the spirit sometimes guides the mind but the mind is usually the steering wheel. OK, now we have the sword of the spirit, and this is the Word of God. This is the mind of Christ. Everything is guided and decided by God as He directs us through our holy temple the mind.

The Lord God, as Lord of all, must sit on the throne of our hearts and be our King. He must be able to use us as He decides. It is His will that all of our households would be saved. It is not His will that any should perish but all should come to the knowlege of Christ. So as you gather your weapons for battle, remember that if you are fighting for souls, this is also His will that you win. He will fight with you. He is not against you but for you. But he wants for you to be faithful to Him. And not gossip and speak against Him and His will. And you don’t owe Aunt Goose an explanation. She will get the picture after she sees your family healed, saved and delivered.

Stand up, Girlfriend, and separate from the girls and get a spine for God. Having done all to stand just stand! Stand up in your mind and hold the Word “All of my children will be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace.” Let the storms come but don’t let down — keep standing and holding up the Word of God before the devil and his demons. Hold it there, and hold it there as Moses held up his arms until the battle was over.

Satan can’t stand for long in an atmosphere of faith and the promises of God. Cast down every imagination that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. Keep casting it down and protecting your faith and the Word of God in your Mind. Protect it — fight for it and you will see His glory.

Good Morning. I am up makin’ coffee and straightening up the house. It is so cold in this house, and my e machine gets cold. So the keys stick and have to be warmed up. So I do some replies to get the keys warmed up and then I do the regular writing. We put our heat down to just over 60 degrees at night. So when I come out here, it is COLD. I have to get warm and my e machine, too.

Sunday I needed to rest so watched this telethon for this Christian channel. Funny? Oh, my mercy! Well, this one Fat Cat was kinda interesting at first. Not scriptural, by any means, but he was good for entertainment. I just wanted to be distracted for a while. So he tells everyone how he gave his money away until he became rich. Well, you know he is tryin’ to hoodwink the sheep into giving him their money. The funny part is, he acts like his audience is money starved monkeys. And if it does, indeed, work to give money and you get all this money back, then why don’t he give more money so he can get more back? And why is he buggin’ the sheep for money? If it’s that easy, what’s he doin’ on TV beggin’?

And ya know, money is not what most people need to make it. When I get down and out, you could throw twenty dollar bills at me all day long and it wouldn’t help me. If I don’t hear from God and if He don’t help me, then no amount of money will help. I mean, some of us do need money but we need a word from the Lord first. If we can get a word from the Lord, then the money will come. But to run out and chase money is the wrong way to go. And, sure, we need an open hand to give and to receive. But this plan of give your money away to the hungry wolf and expect it to return so you can pay the rent. No! And this was a message that started in the 70’s and if it had worked, all of us Christians would be millionaires by now. But all it did in reality was to make the Fat Cats Fatter? So now they are doing good and the believers are gettin’ poorer.

See, the wolves try to get you to think that the more money you have, the more blessed you are. But the word says that some among us suppose that gain is godliness and from such we need to turn away. Jesus was poor and lowly of heart and He is our example. Often when I hear the Cats cry out for their money, I think of Mother Theresa in India. Oh, what an example she has been to me. She was a true servant of God. Who but a true servant like her would drag dying unbelievers out of the sewer to wash them of maggots and tell them of the love of God. Those Cats on TV wouldn’t dirty their hands to do that. They want your money and that is all they want.

Christine, John’s wife, was reading some of my writings and howled with laughter over Jim in the 70’s asking Jim Baker for some money. The last time they were over, we got to laughin’ over that and almost fell off our chairs. Leave it to Jim to beg money from Jim Baker.

See, this teaching starts out with telling the Christians they should have the best house and the best car and the nicest clothes and on and on. So the Cats tell the wife this, too, as often she is there at church without her husband. So the little woman thinks she needs a better job so she can be blessed by God better and be able to give Hungry Fat Cat more money $$. So the preacher has Mother out workin’ her buns off at an outside job so that she can be blessed. It’s a teaching that makes women slaves and they can never relax and be a mother and keeper at home.

Sure, Fat Cat gets more money all the time and he is indeed rich. Ya know why? Because you are driven by the sins of your own lusts and pride and you keep giving him money. And he keeps goin’ with his message because he makes a lot of money at it. But it ain’t all about money. And why not work for your money the old fashioned way? It’s a lot easier and more honest. See, folks are payin’ for a lifestyle and not a life. Many are so in debt and will die that way.

See, it’s not a sin to be poor. Jesus made no reputation for Himself and we shouldn’t, either. He was man enough to be poor and honorable and we should be, too.

All of this debt that some folks live under, just so they can look good, is ridiculous. I barely spend any money because there is little I want. I am happy that I hung onto our home through many trials and now it is paid off. I have something to leave my children so each of our six children will have some money to put down on a house. We want to leave something behind for our kids. And how many times before we remodeled did friends tell me I should move and get a fancy apartment. Well, I could squander my children’s inheritance but I think that would be an ungodly thing to do. And to be poor with dignity and purpose is a rare life these days. But who has enough guts to do that. It takes some strength of character.

Who are you if you have nothing but yourself to offer. I mean without the expensive car? I came from a background of upper middle class. As a child, I had everything. The best of clothes, etc. Dad had a good factory job and always a nice car, boat, and we went on nice summer vacations, etc. But my life was empty and void to me. I needed Jesus and, when I met Him, I got rich.

I call Jim my Million Dollar Baby. I mean, when he was down and out, no amount of money could set him free. But Jesus, my Daddy, heard my cry and He gave Jim deliverance. My rich Daddy Jesus loved me so much and heard my cries for a husband to love me and gently care for me as a Good Shepard here on earth. Jesus knew that I wanted to have children for His glory. Jesus heard my cries and gave me a husband to love me and care and to shelter me. I had no money when Jim got healed. I gave Jesus my life, not my money.

Jesus can’t be paid off like a Mafia gangster, so that you can get your needs met? To pay Fat Cat for protection? I mean, we are children of the Most High God. He is spiritual and we must worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. He asks His followers for no more than He, Himself, gave — His life! He wants our life, rich or poor. And Fat Cat says he wants the money for the Gospel’s sake. And I have never heard some of them preach the gospel. All they preach on is how to give them your money. And they ain’t gonna preach anything else, no matter how much money you throw at them.

Same way with Public Education. Folks think we need to throw out more money for better teachers. And then our kids will be able to read. No, what we need is the truth and this sets the captive free.

One man with the truth will go anywhere in the world without money. I can give my message out for free to anyone. And if I get so full of truth that I out grow my e machine? Then God could take me anywhere He wanted me to go. Sarah never had any money or Mary, Jesus’ Mother. Their lives were so faithful that God Himself published them. God shares His glory with no man. And certainly the gospel won’t be preached according to the money we give away. And the best preachers are the ones who will preach to ya and worry if you have enough money for your own family.

Remember Reverend Aldman in Little House on the Prairie? He cared for his sheep and was poor for their sakes. And this is how all the old time preachers were. And they were always like that in our country, up until about he 70’s and they got ahold of this idea of seed money, etc. But before that, the Christian families gave what they could and preacher was expected to live on that. He and his family were often poor but that made him a good preacher. He suffered with the struggling families in his congregation.

I will never forget Pastor Hawkins. He was Jim’s and my first Shepherd. He was just out of Dallas Seminary and, boy, did God use Jim and me to break this young preacher in. But he went for the ride and hung on for dear life. God Bless him.

He Loves Us

See, your money is not your seed? Money is what the unbeliever lives on in this world. Our seeds are spiritual FAITH prayers. Faith pleases God, not money. God needs our hearts in order to do His work. God’s Word is a system of trade like money. We are to be rich or poor according to our calling in life. It’s not a sin to be rich if God has called you to this place. But if you are poor, then be grateful to be there, too.

Jesus wants our heart. He wants for you to come to Him when you are in need of something. He wants to hear from you. To just throw money at preacher, thinking that God will give you money, is an insult to God. He wants us. He wants our hands and arms and minds and our spirits. He has a plan for us to walk out of the snares and into His light and victory. He wants to give us miracles so that He can be glorified. In our lives, we are to show the world a loving Father God. We are to walk out this love of God to show folks that God loves them.

As women, we won’t be preaching the Gospel. But as we walk in obedience, we move spiritual things around like the wind moves the branches on the trees. We gently care for the baby and we return good for evil to our older children. As we do, we move the hand of God. We move God’s heart and mind. We change His mind by our kindness when we return blessings for evil. But we refuse to walk out Satan’s plan for our life. And in so doing, we move huge rocks in the spirit realm. We break down strongholds and we refuse to believe the lies of the enemy. We choose rather to believe God in the face of injustice toward us. We don’t cry out for our way but His way. We refuse to be taken up with the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches. As we grow as believers, we understand that He is all we need. He satisfies our soul.

I write this out of a spirit of truth and having lived it. Jesus is my heart and soul. I feel as though I have died many times in my soul, and all I am now is Him in me. For I am crucified with Christ nevertheless I live. Yet not I but Christ in me. And the life I now live I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave His life for me. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.

As I was writing this first part, I could feel the Lord’s warm presence upon my back. He said, “Connie, you are my girl. I have never let you down and never will. You love me and me alone and I won’t forsake you. You are my own daughter. I have cared for you all of your life. You haven’t exhausted my resources. You haven’t come to a bend in the road that I don’t know about or have run out of answers for. I am with you even until the ends of the earth.” Oh, His precious presence is so sweet to me this morning. I can feel His Love.

Weeping lasts for the night but JOY comes in the morning. It is a lovely sunny day as I write. Oh, His love always comes to our forsaken souls. We cry out, “Lord, why have you forsaken me?” We forget all of His many miracles as we sit in a darkness surrounded by demons. But He comes quickly to deliver us and gives us His love.

When Jim got up this morning, I was sitting in the chair crying. “What’s wrong?” Jim asked me. I said, “God is giving me such a sweet prophesy. He says I am His girl and that He loves me. And He says that you are my gentle shepherd of love.”

Dear Mothers,

Good Morning. I am up makin’ coffee and doing a bit of housework.

Yesterday we went to Wal-Mart and, wow, they have some really cute plastic tablecloths. And with place mats to match. The tablecloths are just 4 bucks, and the place mats that I liked were 2 for a buck. I got the design with chickens on it and signs that said “Eggs for Sale” and various other old-timey farm signs. “Fresh Butter Sold Here.” Ya know, the old-time mothers used to use oilcloth on their tables. Well, the plastic tablecloths remind me of these. But many mothers still used the cloth tablecloths and put place mats down to catch the messes.

As Jim and I drove through town, Jim noticed the gas prices goin’ up. Everything seems to be goin’ up in price. Ya know, Ken Copeland was good on TV a few days ago. He was talkin’ about how we don’t live from a paycheck but from the Word of God. Boy, that is right on. I mean, you have to follow the rules of the Bible and the husband has to work. But whatever honest work he does is good work to the Lord. Proverbs says that there is profit in all labor.

I had a friend Linda who was dirt poor. They lived on this farm and she worked like a dog. Her husband did, too, but he didn’t bring much of a cash flow into the house. But we Christians worried about Linda and her family all the time. Wondering if they were even warm at night. But they kept on goin’ and never lost their family. They just kept on workin’ at whatever they saw to do. She stayed at home and cared for the children and the home. She lived off the land as best she could. I will never forget rolling into her dirt driveway and seeing her clothesline. Man, that thing told it all. It fell in the middle and nothin’ was hardly holdin’ it up. And, oh, I needed to see that at the time. She had such a brave heart. I was about her age and, oh, I was struggling with raising my own children. And the money was never there for me when I needed it. Anyway, Linda told me that day over coffee, “Well, we sure could go on Welfare but we won’t.” And I thought, “Mercy, these people have a lot less then the people on Welfare but they are roughin’ it out with their faith.” She gave me such courage to go on. I didn’t get to see her much but always ask friends about her. That woman was stouthearted for sure. And we mothers had better be stouthearted, too.

Jim tells me, “Now, Connie, if I get sick or anything, don’t call an ambulance — we can’t afford that. If I am gonna die, I want to die here.” I always tell him to knock it off. I can just see me gettin’ time in prison for not calling an ambulance. He gets Social Security but told them he couldn’t afford Medicare, as they would take out about 80 bucks. Well, of course Social Security is not enough to live on, so he works too. What a wild cowboy! And I get stuff in the mail tellin’ me that because I hadn’t worked enough in my life that I will get not Social Security and no Medicare. So. Miss Charlotte and I laugh about me dyin’ in the street. She says when she gets old and we are widows that she will share her Social Security with me. I mean, ya may as well laugh, Darlin’.

I mean this stuff in our country about health care is unreal. All of my kids run around with no health insurance except for Jimmy and Betsy (Mary). Either John or Christine or David or I have an ongoing toothache that we can’t afford to do anything about. But we live by faith and not by sight. We have to learn to live on the Word of God, that He will meet our needs according to His riches in glory. We must walk by faith and not by sight.

I hate writing on faith! It’s so much work. To live by faith is hard enough. But to have to write about it is hard, too. It’s kinda like not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. It’s easier to stay in a comfort zone and complain. But we are children of faith and God is expecting some of us to live by faith. Living by faith don’t mean quitting your job and hoodwinkin’ sorry Christians into givin’ you money.

Ya know, when Jim and I moved into this house, it was awful. Well, we moved here thinking that we would remodel. But then Jim and I separated. I was 7 months pregnant. So I wasn’t gonna get a lot done. And when I brought my baby home from the hospital, I had no help. And the furnace went off in the coldest day of the year. And the electricity kept going off. There were days I prayed to die. But faith was the victory that overcame my world.

On the cross, Jesus broke the laws of sin and death. We as believers don’t have to go by the laws of sin and death. Not in this life or in the life to come. We don’t have to have common sense and react to the troubles going on around us. We are to react to the Spirit of God. If God says in His word that He has supplied all of our needs according to His riches in glory, then He has. So we bank on His word as being the truth. More the truth than the laws of the natural flesh and blood stuff around us.

So here I am in this broken down house with a new baby and another child to care for. Each morning as I got up, I had to face problems with the house. The plumbing was bad, too. But the Lord’s presence was with me, and He said, “Connie, walk by faith and see this house remodeled. Clean and cook and go on as if the house is remodeled.” So my faith job was to get up each morning and see my house remodeled. To go on about my business sending my son to school and caring for my baby and vacuuming and doing the dishes.

I had bought a house. I had nothing but I had bought a house and now it was up to me to inhabit it with courage. Oh, I didn’t want to. I wanted to lay on the couch and cry. But I had to get up and go about my Father’s business. I had to prove the Word of God in my life. And I fought the good fight of faith and didn’t give up. And in the first year, my house I had paid 150 bucks down on turned a profit and was worth twice as much money after I had lived there a year.

But, see, faith is a fight. We have to fight the good fight of faith with all the spiritual muscles we have. And sometimes we scare the relatives and neighbors with our fight. Well don’t get around the relatives and neighbors that bring your faith down.

Anyway, I had to get up each morning when I was pregnant and look at the torn wallpaper that hung in strips. I just ripped it the rest of the way off and went on. I began to see the house as remodeled and lookin’ nice. And this took the fear out of me. Because, ya see, the fear is what will take ya down and make you come against your own faith.

Fear is your enemy and it is powerful like faith. Fear is the opposing force from Satan. But, see, you have to stay in your faith and in the word of God. The stuff in the physical that is going on around you is the truth. It is a truth! But the Word of God is a truth that can own the truth of the physical things going on. See, everything around you on this earth is subject to change. But the sure Word of God is never going to change. He is the same yesterday today and forever. He and His Word is the ultimate truth.

We can have miracles on earth as they are in Heaven. See, Satan has a plan and he leads his victims through the fear and panic. He has a plan and will lead you to a pit with your panic. This is his plan for your life. He gets you to fear and then he runs you into confusion. And you cry out to God, “I don’t know what to do!” Well, you don’t know what to do because of the fear. And the fear, you think, is true and a reality. You think that what you fear is the truth. But the fear is not true — it is the lie that confuses you.

Satan’s signs and signals are always FEAR. Satan is an anointed angel that preaches an off the wall gospel. Make no mistake — he is an anointed angel and will trick you in a heartbeat. You have no defense against him and he will take you down. You are no match for Satan. But Jesus is the match. Cast yourself upon Him.

We have to take each fear thought captive and nail it down with the truth from the Word of God and of Faith. Faith is the victory that overcomes the world. Faith overcomes sickness and disease and poverty and wayward family members. Only believe the Word of God. And then act on the Word.

You gotta act on the word of faith. If your husband is wayward and missing in action, claim the Word that says, “What God has joined together let not Man (woman) put asunder.” Get this scripture and nail it to the wall and read it all day as you pass it on the way to the bathroom or wherever. This is God’s word and God promises that if you will believe His Word, then it will happen. Sounds simple enough but this is the teachings of the scriptures.

We must believe God over the lies of Satan. Satan will tell you that your husband will never come back home and that this woman has him forever. But don’t believe the devil and act on his anointing of fear. Satan is trying to lead you to total destruction. And if you let him have your husband, he will go for your kids and for you and he will take you all down. Don’t give him an inch. Fight him with your faith. Pray and believe the word of God. Spend time in the Word and demand your mind to quit fearing.

Fight … fight the good fight of faith, then get up and put some physical muscle to your faith. Turn your body toward the faith walk. Start fixing a meal for your husband to come home to. Set a place for him at the table. And say to Satan, “Bless God, I am believin’ for a miracle. You won’t have my family, devil, I am believin’ God. And anything I ask in Jesus’ Name, I receive. Nothing is impossible with God. You won’t have me, devil — I am the property of Jesus Christ.”

We as believers will go nowhere fast if we don’t know how to get ahold of God and not let up until we see His glory. We have to fight devils and bring down strongholds with our FAITH.

Satan cannot own us unless we let him. With any fear at all, you need to stop whatever you are doing and get your Bible out and find the scripture that will oppose the fear. Fear is ALWAYS a spirit of Satan. And this is how he leads a person to a trap where they can get loaded up with more fear.

We as believers are children of God. He is a supernatural God. And He expects us to walk in the Spirit and not fulfill the plans of the flesh. We are to be long suffering as we wait upon Him to answer our prayers. But we need to stand with our lamps full of oil and wait for His answers. We are to be faithful women who know how to suffer in victory. Knowing that our answer is coming. We are to work on it by cooking meals that your wayward husband has told you he won’t be home to eat. And yet God’s word tells you that a man should dwell with his wife according to knowledge. We are to cast down vain images in our minds and any fear truth that would come against the truth of His word. We must walk out the answers to our own prayers.

You don’t need to be confused and ask God what you should do. The Word covers every problem. It is the answer to our lives. The fear is the confusion that keeps you asking God what you should do. Have faith in God. See things with the spirit God has given you. God speaks to your Spirit. Satan rules in the flesh and the lust of the flesh. He is the prince of the power of the Air — he is a disease or like a virus in the air. And sometimes the air around you is full of FEAR. And Satan is ruling this air with fear. And telling you what to do through the voice of fear. But cast him out.

See the answer to your prayers and walk in faith. So as a young mom, I had to get up each day and take authority over my mind. I wanted to sit down and cry and give up. But I had children to raise and a husband to pray home. So I had to walk in my broken down house as if all was well. I had to believe that I had what I had asked for. This was my map.

See, as the times get worse in our world, we must learn to live by faith. The devil will stack the evil circumstances about us to watch us squirm. But we don’t have to watch him. We are called to be about our Father’s business. All that is, is making sure that you keep the fear out of your heart and that you walk by faith.

Faith is an active word and not an abstract thought. If your faith isn’t producing an action in your life, then you don’t have a God kind of faith. Your faith must WORK. It must move. It must run. It must tell you what to do. It is a leading of the Spirit. It is a mouth who calls things that are not as though it is. It is a faith that gives you the power to fix a meal by faith that your husband will be there to eat it.

One time, I was so down and God says, “Connie, get up and fix a meal for Jim — he will be home to eat it.” So I got on a nice outfit someone had given me. I got my broken down house all fixed up and had a nice meal. And ya know what? My husband didn’t come home? No he didn’t. And God told me, “You do it again.” Next night and I did. Nothing happened. So the next night, I did it again and kept doing it every night. And I didn’t give up. I wanted to give up. But I had decided not to. I was gonna believe God. And I think it was probably 2 weeks that I believed God each day for a Victory and finally Wild Man came home. This was almost 30 years ago. And now, of course, Jim is always with me.

God gave me many victories back then as I prayed and believed God over what I could see or think or feel. My problem back in the old days was that though I could get the faith to believe God, I wouldn’t keep it. The least little thing would go wrong and I would fall apart. I was young and impatient to see the Lord work. But I got stronger and stronger in my faith as I went. And I learned to put my faith on the line and not give up when Satan would try to scare the hell out of me.

But, see, any fear at all is a sin. Satan may scare you about finances and then get you to allow the spirit of fear to come in. Or you may fear about some small thing or another that you think is not important. But, see, Satan is always tryin’ to get into your house to bring it down. So don’t ever confess a fear. Don’t say, “I am afraid I will catch the flu” or any other statement of fear. Don’t let fear rule you in any way. Because fear, when it comes, won’t JUST bring sickness or whatever. It is a spirit of EVIL and it will bring many diseases with it. It will bring a confusion to the family, a disorder and rebellion concerning the children. A spirit of fear will bring death and destruction. Satan comes to kill steal and destroy. And if you as Mother let the fear in, then you are inviting Satan into your home.

Years ago, Satan tried to take over in my house when we had bats. I was afraid to come out here in the dining room to write. I finally saw this and quit fearing and we didn’t have any more bats. But those bats know if you are afraid and will dive right at ya.

Just as you would chase a dirty hog out of your house with a stick, you should chase any demons of fear out, too. We as Christian Mothers must live by faith. We must confess faith and move by faith. We must take on the whole armor of God as told to us in Ephesians 6. And having done all to stand, we must stand. We must stand in faith and not back down. We must walk with God and let the faith of God be as fresh manna each morning. “Lord, how would You have me walk in faith today?” And let Him guide you with faith.

Faith is sweet and gives you strength to work at home. Faith produces hope and love and JOY and an anointing of strength. If you don’t have this, then your faith isn’t working. Jesus comes to give us life abundantly.

It’s hard to lay down our sour attitudes of self pity and to take up our shield of faith. But, Girlfriend, we ain’t goin’ anywhere until we get up and walk out our faith.

And don’t say you don’t have any faith. We are all given a measure of faith. We have enough faith to cover anything we are to go through as believers.

Why did it take me 12 years to get a solid marriage and for my faith to work? Well, it was because I was on again and off again. I could hang on for a while but then the fear would come. And I was as strong in FEAR as I was in FAITH. Some of us are very spiritual as we have had to be that way. And when we are good, we are very, very good and when we are bad, we are horrid. And my faith would go back and forth over the years. Jim said he felt like a yo-yo going from one thing to the other. But, see, we as believers go to God for those who can’t. Jim didn’t know the Lord and was depending on me. And I was like Lucy in the spirit realm. Either I was full of faith and could believe for anything or I could about call Satan out of the abyss. I kept the spirit realm continually bustling. And what I needed to do was to learn to aim my spiritual gun and hit the target of God. And to keep my gun aimed at the enemy. But I was all over the place for that 12 years. I didn’t have someone’s testimony to read. I didn’t know what you all know. I was an accident going some place. But as I went, I got stronger and stronger. I learned that this spiritual stuff was REAL. And it was life and death. And I couldn’t play with the things of the spirit.

Church began to confuse me to no end. Religion mixed me up to total distraction. See, in the Bible the well family member always went to prayer for the demon possessed. Many men are demon inspired, especially adulterous ones. They can’t get lose and they need a Holy Ghost inspired devil punchin’ wife to pray them through. And God has given you the faith, Darlin’, but you aren’t using it. Quit playin’ church and get busy with the things of God. Get your Bible out and read the promises and stand on them as if it were life and death, as it is life and death.

I wouldn’t be here right now had I not known how to believe God. Even if I was a slow learner? I learned! Better late than NEVER.

Let God lead you out of the Hell you are in. He will lead with the map of faith. Get up out of the ash heap of grief and move to victory. Jesus Christ and His faith is the Victory that overcame the world. Jesus don’t have to react to sin and you don’t, either. You can react to faith. Clean your mind out with faith. Walk as though you have the victory. Believe to receive!

Dear Christmas Sisters,

Wow, that writing yesterday was wild, huh? My point was that we have to live from the inside out. We must live from the visions God has given us. We can’t bounce off the world, and sow our seeds to the world and to unrighteousness. Then we reap the harvest of the world and the things in the world. But if we sow to the Spirit, then we will reap the good things of God and His mercies.

Our hearts are like computers. What we put into them, we will get out of them. If you don’t put good things into your computers, then you can’t get good things out of it.

Say a woman (we will call her “Ruby”) has a wayward husband. It’s Christmas and Mother Ruby has a houseful of children. Ruby arises while it is yet night and prepares spiritual meat for her household. She prays for her wayward husband and maybe about financial problems. Then she lays her burdens at His feet. Ruby stands on many promises of the word of God. “What God has joined together let NO Man or harlot put asunder.” Ruby has prayed and knows God’s will to save her home and marriage. So Ruby gets her apron on and prepares her home for her husband to come home saved healed and delivered.

Maybe her husband is in prison or living with another woman. But Ruby knows that God is bigger than all of this and He can do a Christmas miracle. Ruby doesn’t judge her situation by what the world has told her. Or by her circumstances. She judges her situation by what the Lord has told her. “Ruby, all things are possible with God.” So Ruby expects God to give her a Christmas Miracle. She doesn’t know how He will do it and she isn’t to know how. But Ruby begins to yield her hands to righteousness. She puts herself in agreement with God. She begins to clean her home and start her baking. She believes God will give her a miracle. She is planning on it. Banking on nothing less than a miracle for her family.

Ruby yields herself to God and to her own answered prayers. She casts down vain imaginations and all that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. Ruby puts the word in her heart and in her mouth. She begins to speak peace to her children.

“Will Daddy be home for Christmas?” the children ask her.

“I think so.” Ruby answers. But then Ruby begins to make a Christmas for the children. The children pick up on her faith and they receive the JOY and Peace from their Mother’s heart. An excitement is in the air. Hope is in Ruby’s heart. She refuses the profile of a woman deserted of her husband. And Ruby “sees” herself as a wife cherished and loved by her husband.

She casts down the fear and the imaginations of evil in her heart. She turns on some Christmas music on the radio and she gets out the Christmas decorations and puts up a tree for the children. Ruby is happy and is working along with the children with Joy. Ruby can be joyful because she is expecting many miracles. Not because of what she sees or because things look good. But because of Jesus! Because of His promises. Because Jesus says in His word, “Anything you ask in Jesus name you shall receive.” Also Mark 11:23 and 24. “Believe that you have what you ask for.”

The people of faith in the Bible lived by the words of Christ and moved out in faith BEFORE they saw the physical answer. And we as Christan Mothers are called in the same way. Abraham was called Father of many nations. This was long before Sarah who was barren conceived a child.

We as Mothers of faith are to be visionaries and dreamers. We must see the answers before the Lord can give them to us. We must learn how to cooperate with the Lord. And, in so doing, we answer many of our own prayers. We cast down the winds that blow us to destruction. And we arm ourselves to walk against the world and the sins of the world. We put on coats of housewifery and faith and we walk into the realm of faith and anointing.

Weeping in Prayer

So Ruby is doing good as she lives from the visions of faith from within her heart. She is joyful and the children have picked up on her Joy and faith. The children are content and happy along with Mother. Ruby begins to start supper early in the evening.

Pretty soon, the phone rings and it is the neighbor telling her a bunch of gossip about Ruby’s husband. Ruby excuses herself from the call. But then the children begin to be upset and fight with each other. Satan has attacked the peace in her home. She keeps trying to keep her visions first place in her heart, but too much is happening around her to confuse her and she is falling in her faith. She longs to run to her prayer chamber and to remember the faith she had that morning. But Satan is attacking, one attack after the other one.

She cries out to God, alone in her kitchen, as she keeps trying to prepare supper. But she can’t do it. The heartache has come back and she lost her faith.

Soon the enemy comes to her in the silence of the night. Fear wells up in Ruby’s soul and she cries out in prayer after the children have gone to bed. “Oh, God. I am a sinner — please forgive me. I have lost my faith in You.” Depression begins to come as a cloud around Ruby’s bed. And she lays in despondency, numb from the day’s struggles. And the angels come to Ruby as she lays in utter hopelessness upon her unmade bed. Ruby went o sleep in her dress and apron, still trying to get her faith back. And yet she couldn’t and she lays now in despair.

Her pillow is wet with tears. She lays with her Bible across her chest. The promises of God are written on paper and are under her pillow. She wrote them down and told the Lord she would walk them out for His glory. And yet now she lays in defeat, clutching her Bible against her breasts. Her heart is broken to hold her husband once again. She is alone and cold in her marriage bed. She puts a pillow beside her to remind her of better times when her husband was there to protect her. The Lord sees Ruby and He sends His angels to minister to her and to warm her. Ruby falls asleep and then Jesus wakes her up and reminds her of the scriptures. Of the promises of God.

All Ruby can chant in her heart is, “Lord please bring my husband home.” And she chants it over and over, out of a desperate heartache. Pretty soon, there seems to be a hush in the room, a Holy silence in the night. Ruby senses the presence of the Holy Spirit. The cloud of depression seems to have lifted as Ruby fought the good fight of faith. The peace came as she struggled and slept with the word upon her heart. The Lord knew Ruby’s heart and her struggles to keep her faith alive. Yet He knew Ruby was no match for Satan. And the Lord God was moved His hand with compassion.

He came to Ruby in her cold grief and anointed her with His presence. And He anointed Ruby again to hear the word of God. He leads her beside the still waters and He restores her soul. Had she not fallen, she couldn’t have been empty enough to be filled with His Holy presence and anointing. What Satan meant for harm, God used for His glory. And the Lord filled Ruby with faith. Weeping lasted for the night but pure Joy came in the morning.

Our lives as Christian mothers live from many seasons to the next. We are empty and He fills us. And we use what He gives us, and then we are empty again, and we fight to be filled again with His Holy Spirit. But don’t be afraid of the fight. Spiritual warfare is a part of the normal Christian life. The battles come and we lose all hope. This is normal stuff. We are empty of His life in us. We struggle and struggle with a problem. But we need to rest in Him and realize we are not a match for Satan. We must quit our wrestling in the flesh and not the Spirit and realize that, without Him and His anointing, we can’t make it.

Spiritual Battles

Don’t be afraid of spiritual battles. Of the falling down and the wounds of your hearts.

You know, you can’t be any use to God if you are afraid of the battles. We overcome Satan by the words of our testimonies and the blood of Jesus and that we love not our own lives unto death. We can’t think more of our own lives than what we think of the life of Jesus Christ. And, as a believer, I arise and fall and get back up and have a few days of glory. Then I fall and lay there for a while and swear I will never write again. I am always in a spiritual battle of some kind. But I will say that the rising and falling has gotten easier over the years. And I have a lot of cushion that I never used to have.

I couldn’t write to you almost every day if my life was overcoming me. Jim, who used to nearly kill me with grief, is now my protector. He has made a warm and quiet home here for me to live in and to write in peace in. The Lord heard my prayers and gave me a precious and wonderful Christian man. Jim loves our children and grandchildren. My heart would break if he didn’t. I couldn’t write like I do if Jim was fighting with me all the time. Our home is very peaceful now. I have become something for Jim to cherish. But it all came through much weeping and prayers. Through much walking in faith when everything around me was falling to pieces. But the Lord was never late.

After Jim was healed, I was to have three more children. Then Wild Man protected me and the children and I was able to homeschool for 15 years. None of our six children are estranged from us. We have our ups and downs with them. But God has kept us all. Jimmy, our oldest, sent us a box of Christmas presents for all of the family and our grandchildren. Christian Joy also sent us a box of presents. Both she and Jimmy won’t be home for this Christmas. But we will all call back and forth over the holiday season. And the youngest four children will be with us, and their families.

We are all well and God has blessed us. God is good. But I started out in a worse place then where most of you are.

So what can we do
dear hearts
to change our society?
We must walk the walk
and do the deed.

We gotta be honest with God
and with our families.

Get out of this realm of the mystics.
Learn common sense
and frugality.

Christendom would have you believe
that only the rich
will enter the kingdom of God.
No, be rich in the things of God.

Be a rich mother
with children who follow
after God’s own heart.
Don’t give up
when your child does the unthinkable
when you raised him for Jesus.

Keep on goin’
keep on cookin’
keep on believin’
until you see His glory.

We have to see answered prayer.
We have to!

[Excerpt from the article "Good Mothers" in the November 2005 newsletter which is available for download in our Newsletters section.]

I am up in the night to write. Last night, John called from Missouri and kinda upset me. I hung up and he tried to call back. I just turned the ringer off and wouldn’t answer the phone. He tried and tried to get me back on the phone and I just didn’t answer. Finally, he called his gram to tell her to call me and have me call him. But I just left it. Jim got home from work and I put the phone ringer back on. John called again after we had gone to bed. I answered. John says, “I am sorry, Mom. I hurt your feelings. I am sorry.”

I said, “Thats OK, Honey, I forgive you.”

“I am really sorry, Mom”

“I know, Honey, it’s OK.”

I hadn’t told Jim about any of this. I just didn’t want to upset him. Jim then called John back just to talk and I could hear them laughing as I laid in my bed. It was late, 11:00 pm. It was good to hear them laughing and joking. And yet, I laid in my bed and prayed. “Lord, when will my life be quiet again? When will I have a quiet life?”

And I thought of last week when a friend of mine said to me, “Connie, why did you home school those kids? You just wore yourself out.”

And I think often, “Yes, Connie, what were you thinking?” And I think of my kids and how they didn’t turn out as the homeschooling books predicted. And lately I have felt like I am bare before my enemies. I stand silently in the shadows. And the devil heckles me, and it’s as though black birds fly down at me and claw at me. And my accusers stand about me as they smell blood. And I stand clawed and hurting. But I stand silently.

I watch my accusers and stand silently. I owe no man anything but love. I don’t owe them my words or my excuses. Am I going to try to change the minds of all of my accusers in a sentence? They would have me wear myself out with words. But I remain still to know that He is God. And I know full well that He is the one who called me to home school. He called me out from among them to do a work for His sake. If we know Him, He will always call us unto Himself, out from among them, to do a work for Him. I know I didn’t call myself out.

So what do I tell my accusers? I tell them nothing. I will hold my peace. I cannot tell them what God has told me. He has told me “Don’t give up. Don’t abort the seed of faith within you. Hold that vision and faith in you until it bears fruit and you see His glory.” God tells me that He has begun a good work in me and will perform it.

Standing alone is where a believer usually ends up if they listen to God long enough. I stood alone as I believed God for the worst of marriages. I stood alone as I proceeded then to have 6 children. I stood alone as the doctors tried to give me a hysterectomy. They screamed at me as I bled in a bucket, “You are bleeding to death. You are dying.”

But I said, “You will never get my womb.” I promised them we would sue them, and they left it in. And I basically got up off my deathbed, after having Mary, and never went back, even for a checkup. I have not been back to get a physical or pelvic in 20 years. They promised me I would bleed to death 20 years ago. But I am here right now, doing all of my writing for hours, standing up, and I still have my womb. But with fear, those doctors tried to rip my womb out. The folks heard that the doctors said I needed my uterus out. And my relatives confessed cancer over me for years. Well, that’s OK — I never got cancer. And I held my peace. I had to have blood transfusions, of course. And it was with blood that had never been tested for AIDS. So the folks quit confessing I had cancer and started to confess I had AIDS. Of course, I don’t have anything.

God has a way of calling me out from among them and causing me to stand alone. And this is the normal Christian life. Even though many would say that if your church don’t agree with your stand on things, then you should change your stand. NO, Darlin’, when God calls you, He calls you alone.

And ya know what? God doesn’t call us out alone to make us Super Spiritual Christians. He calls us out alone, without the arm of flesh, so that He can give us a victory in our lives. He does everything to give us the answer to our prayers. If ya ain’t out here alone spiritually, Baby Girl, you will get just what everyone else has. If you follow the crowd, then you will get what the majority of Christians have. That means you will get a divorce for religious reasons. “He didn’t want to go to church, so I had to move on.” But if you want the miracles of God, you must cast down the fear and come out from among them.

God also calls us out so that we will finally get out our spiritual armor. As we get so weak from torment, we finally will get out our shield and sword. Well, that’s what He wanted in the first place. We aren’t going anywhere in God without using our mighty weapons of warfare. Our weapons are not carnal or worldly, but are mighty through the pulling down of strongholds.

So often, like you, Alane and some of the other ladies, we wonder, “Well, what is the answer?” But, ya know, Alane, God has called you out from among them. You are all alone with Him. I know you know that. And this place of silence is the sound of victory. We can’t get a miracle until we have a platform of “all hope is lost.”

Faith appears out of the platform of darkness. Faith comes when darkness is as thick as mud about us and, in this utter darkness, we say to God, “I believe You. I walk by what I believe and not by what I see.” When you can say this in the pit of despair, then you have come into true faith that pleases God and moves the hand of God.

Faith is not seeing with your eyes the physical answer. Faith is seeing the invisible with eyes of faith. When you can look at your wilderness, where it hasn’t rained in years, and say, “Lord, I know the Rose of Sharon will bloom for me. It will bloom where it has no water. You, Lord, will make a way where there is no way. You will create a stream in the desert where there never was one before.” No, we can’t make a stream in our desert. We can’t cause the Rose of Sharon to grow. But we can envision it and yield our lives to His rightness.

He is the Potter and we are the clay. Oh, we hate it when He molds us and we cry out for mercy. We want Him to catch us on the run and give us a miracle. But He don’t work that way. Only Bible faith pleases God. And this faith only comes out of the cinders and the fire of broken dreams.

I would have sold my soul, when I was young, to have a good husband that would just work and support us. That’s all I wanted. And yet, God wanted something better for me than that. He wanted for me to want 6 children. And no one in this age, who went through what I did, wants 6 children. But He told me that he would raise my children and bring them up to know Him. He said that all of my children would be taught of the Lord and great would be their peace. As my accusers came to me they would say, “You are pregnant again? You can’t afford it, etc. and so forth.” But I told them that God had told me that my children wouldn’t be a part of the problem but an answer to this world and its heartaches.

I was a faithful mother and worked hard to be a Christian mother and teach my children the word. And now as I stand, still alone, writing to many of you, the devil curses me and tells me that God has forsaken me, as my children aren’t all following the Lord.

Boy, I have been here before. I remember telling folks that my marriage was healed, as I stood pregnant for the third time. About a week later, we were separated again. Boy, did people laugh at me. But my husband was healed and I lived to give the testimony. I swear I was the village idiot for 12 years. People laughed at me and I was the topic of gossip for miles around. And I used to go in my bedroom and pray, “Lord, why don’t you look after your own name and reputation?” And I would get on my knees and pray in my bedroom. “Lord, I am walking by faith and I am obedient to your word. Please put me over.” I would pray “Lord, lead me in the paths of righteousness for Your own name sake.” I was His and I just wouldn’t let go of God. I had done His will and was a good wife and I wouldn’t let go of God. And yet, often, as I prayed, “Lord, look after your own name sake and your own reputation,” I felt that the room was silent.

Many times I felt I had no God. Then many years later, Jim was healed and set free. God had surely looked after me in the silent shadows. He saw me praying but He stood still. I was in the arena of testing. Would I walk by faith without a word or an appearance of an angel? Would I walk with Him in the fire, even though I didn’t feel He was with me?

Later on, as God had healed my husband and I had seen many miracles, I came into another dry spell. I went up to pray in the same bedroom. Cotton diapers were hung on lines above me as I had no dryer or place to hang my clothes. I was on my knees, looking up praying and thanking the Lord for the baby who wore those diapers. And I cried out to God, “What are you doing? I feel so lost.” And He said so clearly in my heart, “Connie, I am looking after my own name and reputation.”

The words BOOMED through my soul and I knew that so many years ago, He heard me as I cried alone. “Lord, look after your own name and reputation.” And I was tested again and again before he ever propped me up to this email machine to minister to you all. And the oxen that plows the field is welcome anytime to the corn. And as I minster to you all, I know that I am welcome, also, to the blessings. And by faith, I know that all of my children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace. It’s a stretch for me but not for God.

As I stand still before my accusers, I hold the seed of faith in my heart. I owe no one anything except love. We can be still and know that He is God. We can hold our peace upon our prayers and let the faith seed in us grow.

So how do we have this faith? We just go on with what there is to be done in front of us. We don’t give up. We just keep on going. None of us have all the answers — we just have to trust in God and know that all is well. Jesus Christ is still on the throne. I haven’t heard any different.

So all is well and all is good.
Things are moving as they should.

SILENT BUT DEADLY

Ya know, Jesus Christ was born to die at Calvary’s cross. He hung upon His cross, silent but deadly. He didn’t answer His accusers. He had a mission and it was to die for us sinners. Jesus was part man and part God. And upon His cross, He went right out of Himself and even forgot His mission and cried out, “Lord, why have You forsaken me?” Well, Jesus knew His calling. But under much pressure, He forgot it for a moment. But had He not suffered in this place of great testing and trial, He could never help us now.

As we are prone to cry out, “Lord, why?” He was in all ways tempted. And as His accusers came against Him and taunted Him, He held His peace. They said, “If you are the King and the son of God, come off the cross and save yourself.” Well, Jesus wasn’t in the habit of saving Himself unless God called Him to hide for a purpose. Mainly so He could keep on teaching the people. But Jesus was no coward to just use His gifts to look after His life. No, He came to die on the cross for us. And as Jesus ministered among the people, He never stood up for Himself. He stood up for God the Father. And even upon the cross, as He cried out to God, the soldiers mocked Him. I am sure they had mixed emotions, some of them. They wanted to see if he could do yet another miracle and maybe prove to them that He was really the Son of God. And yet the case was closed and the door shut.

The Roman soldiers were left alone to make their own decision. Would they follow Jesus Christ? Not by what they could see, but by faith? And this is where we all stand. Do we need the continual miracles about us? Or can we stand because of the past miracles? The past victories, and the faith in the word of God. Can we hold our peace and settle it today? Can we make that decision to not only follow Jesus to the cross for salvation and heaven, but can we live for Him now on the earth?

We walk by faith and not by sight. The walk of the believer is always one of walking by faith. The word is preached on salvation and we know we are going to heaven as we receive Jesus. But we have never been to heaven, so how do we know it is there? We know because it has been preached to us over and over again. But the word on faith to walk out our salvation is not preached that much. But the just shall “live” by faith.

We have faith for heaven and we must have faith in the same way on the earth. As we walk by faith upon the earth, we walk as pilgrims and strangers. This world is not our home. We are just passing through. And, as we go, dear hearts, let’s hold our peace, as Jesus did, and let’s refuse to come off our cross or away from our duties as wives and mothers.

As Nehemiah refused to listen to His accusers, let us also refuse to listen to the enemy. He continues to yell at us, “You will never get that wall built. Even a fox could break through your fragile wall.” But God had called Nehemiah to help the believers to build their city back up. And we are called as wives and mothers to be the wise mothers who build up our homes or our walls. And we must go on, silent but deadly with a weapon for spiritual warfare in one hand and a broom or egg beater in the other hand. And we stand silent in the face of many accusers and we owe them nothing but love.

Let’s us keep our visions clear and crisp and remember to live from the inside out. God and heaven is on our side — we cannot lose. As we walk with God and do our duties as Christian wives and mothers, we find this place of silent holiness in our homes.

We make homes by faith where the angels gather to hear the voice of God. Mother is silent and confident in God.