Dear Mothers,

Well, yesterday was an adventure. My furnace went off. My good neighbor next door, Chuck (Trudy’s husband), helped me to get it goin’ again.

Well, my furnace is in a real root cellar with a dirt floor. There is a small area where the furnace is and the water heater that has a cement floor. But you can’t get to the cellar except to go outside to an entrance. Well, about 2:30 this morning, I noticed it was very cold in the house and I knew the furnace had gone out again. Man, I laid in bed and prayed and asked the Lord to turn the furnace back on. The weather here in the Midwest is very cold right now. But the Lord spoke to my heart to endure this hardship as a good soldier. He spoke to my heart. “How can you start a Revolution if ya can’t have enough guts to go down your root cellar in the middle of the night and fix the furnace?” Well, of course, Jim has flashlights but I lost them right after he died. GO CONNIE! But the Lord put it in my mind to turn the car lights on and they would shine on the outside door to the cellar. So I get all bundled up for my mission at about 4 this morning. To get the cellar door open is unreal. The hook is broke that you latch against the house and so yesterday, I tied it back with an old telephone cord. Holding that door up with one hand and tryin’ to tie it with the other hand was a challenge. But I just kept prayin’ and believin’ God. But the Lord gave me courage.

Chuck had showed me how to fix the furnace if it did go out in the night. But he called after supper last night to ask me if the furnace was workin’ and of course it was THEN. But here it goes out in the night. I would normally get out my kerosene burner but I have to babysit and it would be dangerous for Olivia, 4 years old. Anyway, Chuck told me that if it goes out again, he would fix it in a different way and the heat would stay on. So I will call him later on this morning and I know he will come over and fix it.

The heat is on now. Thank the Lord! But, see, my house is over 100 years old. Well, I love it. But the root cellar is a scary place during the day, let alone in the middle of the night. I used to be down there a lot as I canned, etc. in the summertime. But I haven’t been down there in a long time. The cobwebs are like the air down there. You just have at it and walk through them. Yesterday, as I had gone down there, my hair was full of webs. But like the Lord says, “If ya can’t take a hit as a strong soldier in the little things, then how can you do the bigger things for the Lord?” It’s a test. Jim used to go down to the cellar a lot in the middle of the night if the furnace went off. He was stronger than I am to get the door up. But when we are weak, He is strong in us.

The Lord is teaching me courage. Before David killed Goliath, the Lord took him through many tests with bears and lions coming to eat his sheep. We have to learn courage. We have to learn to endure hardships. As we learn these things, we will enter the blessings of God. Satan wants to scare us off but God wants to help us to enter the Promised Land. Yes, there are giants in the Land. But our God is more powerful then any giant. Greater is He in us than he who is in the world. We are overcomers. We are the daughters of the Lord. He is our strength and confidence.

As Papa’s car lights showed me the way as I went down the old basement steps, I could feel Jim’s love guarding me. I always feel such a kindness and love as I think of Jim. All he cared about is that I would be cared for if something happened to him. Oh, I was not the perfect wife. But Papa loved me, anyway. He put up with me. And even as he is in heaven now, I feel his love and kindness. The thought of him gives me such rest and peace.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I am so Joyful, I feel like there should be a law against it? Mercy! I don’t really have much to write except to Praise the Lord. I slept last night. And when I woke up this morning, I thought, “I didn’t have to take Ibuprofen to sleep. And I didn’t take anything to sleep. I just had a good sleep.” Slept about 7 hours. I did wake up early but I prayed for my neighbors. Usually I have awakened in the night so fearful about Mary. Then I have to get up and get myself put back together again, as I would get anxiety attacks in the night. But God is setting Mary free and I know it in my spirit. I am happy again. I told the Lord this morning, “Lord, I want to just die happy now. Don’t allow me to have any more of these attacks. Just let Mary and Brandon do well … and let me have peace.” Well, I got the silent treatment from the Lord. I have a really sneeeaky suspicion that Mary and Brandon will be such testimonies that their story will have to be told. I haven’t talked to Mary again but I don’t feel a need to, either. I know she is doing fine and has the spirit of truth upon her. And I know she will be making some sound decisions from here.

Strongholds is what I want to write about. I have learned a lot from this past trial. Strongholds are the mindset of the person you are praying for. Evil mindsets come in our loved ones. And we pray to cast them down. As they have an evil stronghold, they are the mouth of the devil. And the biggest thing they do is condemn the one prayin’ for them. This is the biggest trick Satan uses is deception. He deceives our children and they begin to think that their thoughts of Satan are their own thoughts. So Satan comes in and builds a temple in them and teaches them the ways of death. And the Word tells us to cast down strongholds and all that comes against the Word of God in our loved ones.

Our loved ones get this teaching of Satan in them and it causes us mothers or wives to be afraid. We become amazed with fear as we look at the bad shape of the ones we love. Satan holds our prayers back and tells us we have no reason to believe God. That the situation is toooo bad, and not even God can change things. Well, by that time, Satan has built a stronghold of fear in the wife and mother. The stronghold of fear plus the stronghold of deception in your child or husband creates a paradise for Satan. You become as two in agreement with Satan. Fear and deception is what Satan loves and lives on. He can’t live in an atmosphere of faith. It kills him. Love kills him, too. And love suffers long and is kind. Love is never ending … it abides forever.

Ya know the devil would just torment me almost to death about Mary. But I couldn’t give up because I love her so much. I love her more than I can say. And even if she had chosen Laine, I would have loved her, anyway, and put up with this guy. But God is causing Mary to love Brandon and I know he loves her. Mary has the spirit of truth upon her now. Thank the Lord. And Brandon, I know, loves Mary and she told me how much she missed him. Thank the Lord! I am just a human being and my love for my girl is deep and everlasting. I can love her in a place of adultery and even the Lord has to look away. But I am her flesh and blood and God is pure and can’t look on sin unless He looks through Jesus within us. I forgive her! I am a sinner, too.

I say all of this as I know that many of you are on the same journey here. And I am not a teacher at all or worth anything if I can’t equip the saints for every good work. Hard times are upon us. We must know how to fight the good fight of faith. Our country is at war and things look dangerous. But we as believers are not of this world. We can’t live as though we are unbelievers. We must be able to call down fire out of heaven and know how to work righteousness in this world. Signs and wonders must follow us.

Praise the Lord

Ya know the Bible says that the Lord looks about the earth for those who will believe Him so that He can show Himself Mighty through them. Alaine, do you know where that scripture is? God is looking for women who won’t go for the money but will go for the real things of God. He is looking for wives who will stand on his covenant.

I told Mary a few days ago, “Mary, there is a miracle in the Marriage Covenant.” The Lord is lookin’ for women that won’t give up until she sees the glory of God. He looks for the woman who will stand alone when all the world is tellin’ ya, “Well, you are crazy. Your family will never be anything for God.” Or like my aunt used to tell me when Jim and I were separated, “Your husband probably has another family someplace.” And the prison guards told me, “Well, why do ya want him? He will never amount to anything.” And he wouldn’t have amounted to anything, either, except Jesus Christ had an angel come into Jim’s cell and talk to him. Rehabilitation wasn’t the answer as those prisons don’t teach anyone anything except how not to get caught next time. Duh! But Jesus Christ knows His stuff.

I mean I didn’t enjoy goin’ through 4 prison terms with Jim. And when he wasn’t in prison, he was in jail getting ready to go to prison. HELLLOOOO? It wasn’t easy lookin’ at him on the chain gang and think, “Oh, yeah, this looks good and I know he will be a Christian and come home and be a good family man.” And no one believed he would amount to a hill of beans. And I never worked a day after he was healed, saved and delivered of demons. And the Lord gave me 26 years of JOY with Jim. I finished my course when Jim died. The Lord gave me double for all I suffered. And the Lord wouldn’t have let Jim die until He did give me the double blessing. I wouldn’t let Jim die up to then. And he could have died many times, but God kept him. Even as he has died now, I never sense he is gone but always with me.

But in this physical world, I have finished my course of marriage. It is now carved in store, in a sense, that Jim never left Connie again and her prayers were indeed answered. I finished that course and came out with a face aglow with the power of Christ. And right afterward, another onslaught of Satan came against Mary. And now God has given me the victory there, too. And I will see many miracles come through Mary in Jesus name.

But I am tellin’ ya, Satan ain’t gonna just give up easily on your loved ones. We must not walk by sight in this world. We have dear friends who agree in faith, too. And we appreciate that. But when it gets down to it? It has to be you and God. And you are there to see the Victory and you almost experience it alone, too.

The twelve spies who went out but only two came back to say “We can take the Land.” Yes, there are giants in the land. But the woman of God is not afraid as her trust and confidence is not in what she can do but in her God who can do all things. Nothing is impossible with God! Blow the trumpet in Zion for the Victory is here! Mary Lehman at 76 (or 77, I forget) — she blows this huge Shofar and I can sense she is blowing it today as her stepson was healed of cancer. Praise the Lord.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Oh, lately nothing has ministered to me as much as looking out my side screen door. It’s right behind me as I write. That old black screen door is maybe 50 years old at least. It’s wooden and has an old screen in it on the outside and then a strong one on the inside. I imagine in the old days, the children kept breaking it out and a Daddy nailed a stronger screen on the inside. Anyway, between the screens I have placed flowers that I have dried.

Johnny mowed just lately but the grass was getting pretty high out the side yard and I loved it. Oh, it looked so old fashioned with Dixie’s windmill out there and the gourds growing around it. See, Iowa became a state in about 1850 something I think. So the house I live in is one of the first ones built in Iowa. I let my wild herbs grow in my yard as to take the land back to the way it once was. I have old fashioned flowers, too, that come up each year. The flowers I am enjoying right now are the morning glories. In the fall, these glories cover everything. They have blue flowers and purple, white and pink. They grow up the house and all over. Many people hate them as they intertwine everything but I love them. If I could, I would just let the grass grow in certain areas of my yard. I love the tall grass and old kinds of flowers as they sway in the summer breeze.

I am so happy here with my home as Papa had it. Jim loved nature and back to the land things. Papa wasn’t much with words. I never got into a word war with Jim as I knew I would win. I mean without really winning? But, oh, we connected in many ways. Mostly over homemade bread or a fresh apple pie.

Papa ran after me in his heart, always afraid of losing me to something. One time, he wrote about how glad he was, as I had told him that I had abandoned myself to him and our children. Jim wanted all of me and didn’t want to share me. It was a sacrifice to him to give me up as a writer. It was a sacrifice to me, too. All I ever wanted was Jim and the children and our home. I wanted to have children through my 50s. But Jim used to tell folks that one of the reasons he ran away from his family in the old days is because he had put me on such a pedestal and didn’t think he could keep up with me. Often I told him I loved him and only him. But in the early years he would say, “You only love me because God told you to.” Little did he know that I truly loved him with or without God.

When I first met Jim, I just loved him right off the bat. I ate bullets for breakfast and nothing less than Jim would do. I still remember how he held me as we danced our first slow dance together. The other day, as I had gone to the store, I heard a song on the radio. I had to listen to it in the car before I went in the store. The singer was a son asking God to let his Mom dance one more time with his father who had died. Well, Papa and me will dance again with golden slippers on golden streets.

But as I write this morning, I can feel Papa’s spirit as I feel the cool breeze coming through the old screen door behind me. And I hear locusts and the crickets chirp. “Oh, Papa, yes, I will pick the apples this morning. I picked the wild plums yesterday.” Jim always called me away from my daydreaming and writing to the Prairie Land and to the works of righteousness. Papa was a dreamer, too — a visionary. But he didn’t know how to tell me what he had dreamed.

I talked to Danny, our son age 24, last week. He went to NYC to find himself and to get discovered as a musician. Feeling kinda like a failure as a mom, I said to Dan (my fifth child), “Danny, did Dad and I do anything right raising you kids?” He said, “Oh, Mom, you and Dad did everything right. Us kid had a ball growing up. We learned to be creative and to do things on our own.” But I said, “Danny, do ya still love the Lord? And what is the best thing Dad and I taught you personally?” Danny said the best and most important thing we taught him was that he could make it one way or the other. That nothing could take him down. I asked Dan if he liked NYC and he said that he missed home and the garden and the fruit trees. He misses Papa, as we all do. But the City is mostly concrete and he misses the wild flowers and what he grew up with.

I haven’t made a loaf of bread since I lost my Jim. My heart land has not rained and my heart has been dry and covered with sand. But it will bloom again I see it in my visions. I see specks of dreams that I am going on — as Dan says, “Mom, you and Dad taught us to never give up.”

Danny and I laughed about the year the gas bill got so high. And how we turned the heat off altogether and wore our coats in the house. The bill went to 25 bucks after being 500 and some dollars. Our outside dog would cry by the kerosene burner but I wouldn’t turn it on until just before the family was up for breakfast. We laugh about how Mom outlasted the dog. I would tell the dog that if I could make it without fur, then she could make it, too. Even our dog was a survivor. She lived to be 15 years old. The only time she saw a vet was when we took her to have her put down. She was old and had pneumonia.

One time John was chasing this kid his age with a bat. Jim saw him and chased John, trying to stop him. John said, “Dad, he called Mom a bit–.” And Jim said, “Oh, OK” and let John go. Always a story to tell!

I guess we just didn’t have much money to take us through and we refused to give up on anything. As I write, I look at my family table still set for 7 or 8 people. Oh, the stories I could tell. Stories of just plain not givin’ up. Papa and me would just say, “Well, we will just make it somehow.” Then Jim would smile and pretend to tip his hat. “We always do.”

But ya know a lot of it had to do with going back to the land. Going back to basics. There is a secret there. The Depression era Mothers did the same thing when they lost everything. They went back to the land and made a home. This old home of mine went through the Depression era and stood tall and strong and I will, too. And in my desert, I will bloom as the desert rose. And as I tip my hat to Papa in heaven, I say, “And, yes, Papa we will make it as we always do.”

Enduring Hardness

2 Timothy 2:3 speaks of enduring hardness as good soldiers of Christ. Ya know we as moms are not raising children that will fit into the Dr. Dobson crowd. We are raising Christian men and women who have to be strong and mighty for Jesus. We are raising soldiers that will live a much harder life then what we have lived.

I am not very proud of my kids sometimes the way they act. But I am glad that Jim and I taught them some survival in the spirit and in the flesh. I don’t think any of my kids will ever end up on the street. Dan said that Dad often said to him, “Ya don’t want to be a sissy, do ya?” I was telling John what Dan said, and John said, “Yeah, Dad always said that. ‘You boys, don’t be sissies.’” I guess if we taught them how not to be sissies, that was one good thing.

Well, my boys are all young bucks now. I do pray that their faith will take them further, though, in the Spirit. I know that Jim’s and my life made an impact on them. Dan and John and David all plan to have sons and name them after Jim. David’s next son will be called David James. Johnny wants one called Jesse James. Oh, those boys! But ya know long after I am gone to be with Papa in the Golden City, I hope I will hear the boys out of heaven say, “Well, if Dad and Mom made it with 6 kids, then we can make it somehow.” And ya know it was in the hard times that Jim and I learned faith and to trust in God.

Oh, we hate the times of desperation. But it is in these times that we learn hardness as good soldiers for Christ. Ya know when you tell a person to fight the good fight of faith, so many don’t understand what you are talking about. It’s because they don’t know how to fight for survival in the physical. But it is fight, then rest, fight and then rest — in both the spiritual battles and the physical battles.

Our kids entertain everyone around them. John and Dan and Chrissy are like stand up comedians. But we made our own entertainment at home. Joy was our strength. Often the world was down our throats and we had to shut the door in the evening and laugh it off. We have to laugh and be silly at times. We have to be childlike and pretend that all is well, often when it isn’t. Faith is sorta connected to this. If times are really hard, then we have to sometimes up our pretending.

A good soldier knows how to rest in between battles. Spiritual battles are like labor pains. They come and we learn to breathe prayers to God that the pain will soon be over. And then it is for a while — we sort of plateau off. And then we have a time of rest until the next battle comes and then we pray again. Each time, we must pray until we believe and then have a time of rest and peace. As we are obedient to pray, to believe, then rest and wait, we are getting closer to the answered prayer.

Just as God leads us as we birth a baby, we also birth miracles as we follow Christ and we pray until we believe and then rest. He that hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Christ. You will not go through labor and not bring forth a child. Same as in the Spirit, you go through a labor of pain and rest and pain and rest. If you give up, you won’t see the miracle come. You may see an aborted dream come — maybe the opposite of what you ask God for. But if you want a true miracle, you must fight the good fight of faith. And that is hard very hard. But learn hardness as a good soldier and fight the good fight.

Some tell us concerning our kids, “Well, just give them to the Lord and go on.” Yeah, right! Some of us moms can’t do that. Our kids are lost and in trouble we raised them for Jesus.

Don’t rest, dear Mother, until you pray through and until you believe God for a miracle. When you have prayed through, then rest in God. And don’t be afraid or think you won’t be attacked for your faith, as you will be. But when you are attacked, pray again. Don’t give up and you will see His glory.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

This morning I was reading in my Bible about the spies who were faithful and the ones who were fearful. I laughed out loud when the Lord spoke to my heart. “Connie, you go right up to a GIANT and ask him if it is OK if you enter his land. And he looks about 5 feet down at you and says a big NOOO and you believe him.” Boy, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sins of unbelief this morning. Ya know the devil just wants to keep us mothers in a tither over our families.

I know once the Lord told me I would have three more children after I had the first three. I went straight to Jim who was no more saved then a rabbit and I said, “The Lord told me that we would have three more children.” Of course, Jim, not being saved, said in essence, “The hell we will.” Well, then I cried my head off because I said I was in submission to my husband and he said I could only have three children. Well, ya dumb cluck, Connie — your husband was the giant in the land, as he wasn’t saved. So, anyway, after Jim got saved, my faith was kinda weak. I didn’t even want to have three more children by then, as I was just happy to come out with my hat on. And Jim asked me to have another baby. Long story short, we had three more children. The Lord wanted to give me a double blessing. Jim was not with me for the birth of the first three children, so with the last three he was with me.

And ya know that land of milk and honey is flowing with blessings. But we must be wise to enter it. Some of you dear wives and mothers need to understand that your husbands may be the priest of the home but he may be like the devil himself. Well, that’s OK. No problem, the Lord will change him. You have to have faith and boldly enter your Promised Land.

Yes, you submit to your husband but you have to use your own head, too. There is a fine line there. But being a submissive wife doesn’t mean that you turn your spirit off and coast through life following your husband. If your husband is wrong on an issue, then pray against it. Don’t stand up and tell the giant that you think his idea stinks. And don’t run out on your husband. No, God has showed you the promised land that flows with milk and honey. But you won’t get to the Promised Land by standing around gabbing with unbelievers. And if your husband isn’t walking in faith, then don’t listen to him. I mean, no, don’t talk back to him. And when he talks his unbelief, just nod and smile. But no man has a right to your mind or your life with God.

Don’t argue with your husband. Can’t ya just see Esther going into her husband the King and tellin’ him how the heck it was gonna be? Sarah didn’t turn around and cut loose on Abraham when he sold her into a harem. But she prayed like a hound dog and the king couldn’t touch her. Thank God! And Abe was a man of faith but he made mistakes, huh? Well, I will say he did! And ya know this was a test for Sarah, too. She could have lived well for the rest of her life in a palace. She could say, “Well, I am being in submission as my husband gave me to the King.” But she had a heart for God and she prayed her way back to her husband who lived in a tent. But, see, Sarah was a woman of God, called and anointed of the Lord. She was not a lady preacher but she learned in silence and submission. She refused to take spiritual authority over a man. But she clung to God and He heard her cries and rescued her.

When you have an impossible husband, rejoice! Because you have a chance to take a spiritual journey to the Promised Land. Rejoice and lift up your head. Yes, there are giants in the land but don’t be afraid of them. Take on courage. Gird your loins with truth. Take His marriage covenant into the Promised Land. He will guard His own covenant. He will guard you as you hold His covenant to your heart.

I pray for nothing as much as I pray for courage. Come on, Mothers and Wives, let’s do it. The GIANTS aren’t that BIG!

And some of you wives make gods of your husbands. And good grief! Yes, you love your husband. I love Jim in heaven and wouldn’t even think of another man. But he made a lousy god. Some mornings, before he knew the Lord, he would wake up ready to tear the house down for no reason. I thought it was all my fault and that I must have tossed and turned all night and kept him up. And that I made him wake up like a black bear with rabies. It had to be my fault, right? Then I would cry and cry and try to lay more still at night. And God knows I never lay still at night. But Jim had his own set of demons and they had nothing to do with if I laid still at night or not. I think I do my deepest prayin’ at night and I was always hell to sleep with. May God forgive me! But good night, ladies, if you just stand there like a garbage truck, someone will throw garbage at ya.

Don’t receive guilt and condemnation for everything that goes wrong in your house. You are the Queen of the Home! You have a place of honor like Mz. Violet describes in her precious writings. I wish I was more like Mz Violet! But early on I was married to the Tasmanian Devil so that makes my walk a bit more — well, different? But, no, ladies, I rarely spoke up to Jim — I just prayed for him and let the tail go with the hide. I mean the Lord isn’t blind and He sees what is going on in the home. It’s up to the Holy Spirit to make a man good and it is up to us to make them happy.

And that time Jim invited a murderer home for lunch? Well, I could have had a fit over that. But ya know even a murderer needs a friend and needs to eat lunch. Jim told me he was coming but told me he was in prison for writing bad checks. Jim didn’t want to scare me to death. But as soon as I had gotten home from the store and walked in the door, the first thing this guy said to me was, “The governor gave me a pardon but I really did murder this guy in a hold up.” I went straight for the blood of Jesus. I said, “The blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin.” Later I said to Jim, “I thought this guy just wrote bad checks. Turns out he is a murderer.” Jim says, “Oh, he ain’t gonna murder anyone.” Well, this guy went back to prison inside of a year. Boy, was I glad! He was one scary guy. At first he just told me he murdered someone but in the end, he was getting really bold and telling anyone who would listen. Talk about giants in the land!

But our lives as Christian wives take us down many paths and we must be brave to walk with our husbands. We must walk quietly with them with an attitude of reverence. They are as Jesus in our lives. We must take the lower seat and bow to the door of meek and quietness.

We need to always pray for our husbands. They aren’t perfect and neither are we. I mean Jim never brought any kind of beer, etc. in the house. Even when he did drink, he never brought it home. But ya know if he had drank, I couldn’t have said anything about it. I wouldn’t have. Ya know? I mean it is his house. But I sure would have prayed against it.

And I mean, like Esther, the Lord does sometimes give you a window of opportunity to voice your opinion. But I tried to wait for Jim to ask me my opinion. As you get a good track record with your husband, he will eventually ask your opinion. He will even value it above all others. In the end, this is how it was with Jim and me. He would dig in my soul for wisdom. I was so used to not giving my opinion that Jim would have to almost beg it out of me. But we aren’t our husband’s Mama. And if ya want a big two-year-old when he gets old, then baby him all of your married life. Never let him have an opinion or make a decision. Some men will just go nuts and make a dumb decision, as they know Mama will run in there and fix it. But let them make a dumb decision, then let ‘em pay for it and they will knock it off. No one is perfect and it takes a while for husband and wife to learn our places.

Promised Land

So, dear Mothers, let’s not insult the Lord by not believing Him. Let’s have faith and walk into our Land that flows with milk and honey. The Promises of God are true. We can trust in Him. Let’s make Him proud of us, His daughters. Let’s be Sarah’s daughters as we are not afraid with any amazement. Let’s be beacons of light. Trail blazers who are not afraid of the Giants in the Land.

Yes, we are as small as grasshoppers but we have the Lord God who is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He will walk before us. He needs for us to trust and obey. He is looking all over the earth to find women who will have faith in Him. Without faith, we won’t enter His land of promise. Let’s come away from the fearful women around us and walk with women of faith. Sarah’s daughters who won’t be taken in by this world — no matter what.

Love,
Connie

I have such a writing in my heart about courage and moxie. At the library I got this old book written in the late 1800’s. It was about the founding of America. And in the beginning after the Pilgrims first came, there was always a shortage of wives for the men who wanted to go to the new land. The men wanted to build homes and have children and get established. But many of the women died under such hard conditions. They had come from an established country, where home and extended family was near them, to a strange wilderness.

In the beginning, many of the women were Christians. But they were so sophisticated and well brought up that they were just not suitable for the wilderness living. They were not of hardy stock and died pretty quick of sickness and probably broken hearts.

So England began sending hardier women like women brought up in orphans’ homes and even women out of prison. These women were hard to crack and weren’t afraid of Indians or hard livin’. They saw a way to be free and to make a living through hard work. Mostly, this was in Maryland where anyone was welcome. But these women made good wives, for the most part, and many became Christians. They were simple and fearless and had a will to make it. They had never known anything but hell and hardship so they were mete for the match. They had learned courage and how to live in hard conditions, cold and hungry. So this was a step up for them.

One woman held an Indian down that was trying to kill a bunch of mothers and their children. This woman held the Indian down until 12 women could escape and run away with their children. I mean, these orphan women were used to being attacked all the time. An Indian wasn’t a problem. But these women learned courage, not because they were Christians, but because they had to learn it to survive. And they learned courage through living continually on the edge with one eye open — always!

But we don’t learn courage only from reading the Bible … we learn it from pressing against evil in our homes. We learn it through not giving up. We develop faith muscles through “pressing” against evil and through “opposing” continually the works of darkness in our lives. We press on and keeping pressing our spiritual muscles up against a dark wall that seems to never relent. And the Bible calls us to be stouthearted and not give up our fight of faith.

As I write, I blur between the Spirit and the flesh. But I am trying to give you a picture of the fight of faith. We best not be playin’ games. Religion ain’t gonna work in the real world — which is not the flesh world but the spiritual world where Jesus lives in heavenly places.

It may not be ladylike to wrestle an Indian, but if it will save 12 mothers and their children, heck, give it a shot. Bein’ plain ornery like Annie is good. We women are taught not to have a will or a thought of our own. And this is foolish! See, we ain’t victims that just sit here and say, “Yes Dear.” We are called of God to do a work on this earth.

Like Esther, we have an agenda, but we submit to our husbands and to the Lord. Our agenda may be on hold until our husbands see that same light. But we don’t have to give up our hopes and dreams because no one agrees with us. We are called of God, too, like Esther.

Joseph didn’t understand that Mary had become pregnant without a man until God gave him a dream. Sometimes we see things, as women, in the Spirit before our husbands. But God’s timing for our miracle to come is when our husbands give it the OK. Well, usually, it works like that in a home under God’s anointing.

I have become, over the years, more stouthearted living with wild man, as I was brought up very well. I hardly got a spanking and, believe me, I needed one. But when I married Jim, it was like “Welcome to the real world.” I knew this ol’ boy, at the time, wasn’t playin’ with a full deck and was out and out dangerous. Well, I guess I just learned to tame the beast at first.

Of course, now Jim is a wonderful Christian man, and, ya know, often folks will say, “Did Jim get saved at church?” I have to say no. See, Jim tried religion — he tried over and over to do what the church folks said to do. I did, too. But, see, Jim had to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. He had to quit listening to everyone and decide what he wanted. Then when he decided, then that was it, the Lord healed him. See, we have to decide to follow Christ. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom or a love for home and family. Once Jim made the decision, he became very territorial. He gathered us up and held us tight. Now, through the years, he has loosened up a bit. But, ya know, he was almost gangster-like once he came to Christ.

And I see more and more true men of God standing up and, seemingly, are almost underground. I think many of our men who are more rough see the truth that is going on in our world. It’s almost as if they were called to such time as this. The day of the little pansy pussies are over? Any man that will mind his wife and play nursemaid ain’t really worth havin’.

Jesus hung around the more rough folks and the Pharisees kind of made Him sick. Was it that He saw that, when these folks’ backs were up against the wall, they would know how to fight the good fight of faith? That, since they knew hardship in the physical, they could understand it when He spoke of the spiritual realm? Of demons and spiritual warfare? I dunno.

I am wondering, as I write, what the Spirit of God is trying to say. I do know if I saw a group of bikers come up to my house, I think I could handle them alone. Well, not if they snuck up on me before I had time to pray. I do know how to pray the protection of God upon myself. But I am not stupid, either, and wouldn’t invite bikers into my house for coffee. I know some of them are dangerous. But I know God is bigger. And, ya know, many were after Jesus to kill Him. But no one took His life. He gave it willingly. He disappeared into the crowds many times to get away from His oppressors.

As I stand here writing, I am so cold and I keep running back and forth to the kerosene burner in the living room to get warm. And, ya know, many of my Christian friends would think I was crazy. I just noticed a burn hole in my sweatpants from standing too close to the burner. It’s a big hole — I will have to sew it up. But ya know what? I am not giving the gas company the money we need. We could be in the street panhandling if we don’t conserve on heat. And I am not afraid because I have been here and done this before. And the folks that will get help with the heat bill from the government ain’t gonna get that much money to make a difference, anyway. I mean, hello, this is the real world. If things keep going in our nation as it has, a lot of folks will have their gas turned off because they can’t pay the bill. And this gas problem is gonna hit hard on the poor folks who are just makin’ it as it is.

I think it is really the time for us to get out our moxie and wear it like a coat. I think the Lord is saying that we need as to, as believers, get out of this passive mode and get some guts and moxie about us. I mean we ain’t livin’ in the 80’s anymore and we need to arm ourselves with stoutheartedness. We are in the middle of a wilderness and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. The time of religion is over and the times of the stout in heart are upon us. And, like Annie says, “Ya do whatever it takes.” But, ya know, the old time mothers always went back to the land. And I think this is our answer, too.

I wonder about my book coming out that talks about pioneer living. I wonder if it is a book for such a time as this? And I have to wonder that, through the many trials I have lived through in my family, has God created in me a moxie for such a time as this? I don’t know.

The gas heat just went on, so I heard it in my bed and got up to enjoy it. A lot of times, when it is so cold I don’t want to get out of my nice warm bed … well, I hate to turn the kerosene burner on and waste all the oil in the middle of the night, when I could just as well stay in bed and let wild man keep me warm. But, anyway, the heat went on accidentally and I am up and writing. Yee haw, heat!

I have a writing in my heart concerning the voice of His Spirit. Ya know, a lot of what we think is God’s voice many times is not. If we have had the devil run into us and give us horrendous grief, then Satan will feed on that. Then we get horrid thoughts and the devil tells us it is God speaking to us. But, see, what we are doing is bouncing off the memories of the tragedy in our lives.

It’s just like if you were to get hit by a car on your way across the street. Your body would be afraid to cross the street for a long time. And when our hearts are wounded, then for a long time, we want to bounce off that wound because we are afraid to go on or cross the street again. And we listen to a voice of fear as it seems so safe, in a way. But we can’t cower down in fear — we must go on. And we must sing a new song and ring another bell. We must put our hands to the plow and not look back. And God’s word is true. It is the only truth and we must again train our spirits to be brave and to look at God as the authority in our lives.

We can’t make our experience of tragedy our truth. Last night, I talked with Mary, our daughter age 20, who just lost her baby. “Mom, I don’t think I will ever become pregnant again.”

I said, “Mary, that is not God telling you that. You are only bouncing off the tragedy that happened to you. You will have many more children. The Lord will restore you and give you Joy again.” But, see, Mary is very spiritual and she thought maybe God was telling her that she would never have another child. And, see, we as women do this. We gauge the voice of God by our own experiences. But God speaks the command to us believers, “Multiply and replenish the earth.” So we know it is God’s will for Mary to have many children and I don’t doubt she will.

But, see, when we have a Mack Truck run over our hearts, we then gauge the voice of God by our experiences rather then the word of God. Also, we underestimate the devil. No, he doesn’t have the power God has. But he isn’t a sort of elf out there with the mind of a 5 year old. He is a spiritual outlaw. He has a mind like Hitler. Only, he is spiritual and plays with the mind of the believer. He is criminally insane. And he connives thoughts in our minds and then tries to develop images of evil for us to look at. He has no power over the believer. But he is hoping that you don’t know that? He works through fear to paralyze us and keep us from moving out in faith. He works through your inner court and tries to run the world through your mind. Your temple.

Satan comes easily into the inner court of a woman who is out of submission to her husband. The word says that the meek and quiet spirit is the spirit of a woman who submits to her husband. Satan gets some women so puffed up in pride that their husbands can’t do anything with them. Our Mary’s strength and her husband’s strength is that they have a good marriage. They are one in their marriage. This tragedy has caused Mary and Brandon to cling to each other as never before.

Satan wants us to fear what will happen to us. But the word of God says that we are not to fear the devil, but to fear God and His judgment. So if you have a voice inside of you that is telling you to fear your circumstances, then this is not God’s voice. This could be your imagination or the voice of Satan. But the voice of fear is not God’s voice. See, the word of God tells us to renew our minds with the Word of God. And to meditate upon the word of God. So ya take a Christian woman who has a lot of pressure going on around her. Her family is out of order and she is running wild. Satan is screeeaming bloody murder and she says, “I think God is leading me to get a divorce.” No, read the word of God — don’t judge God by your life. Judge God and who He is by His word.

So ya take this woman who has been dealt a hand of cards that is sure to lose. But she is stout hearted and loves God. She is under the gun and yet she reads the word of God and loves God. And as she meditates upon Him and His word, she hears a sweet voice and it says, “All is well — do not be afraid. God is with you. Your family will come together and be OK.” And this dear saint of God meditates on the word that says, “All of my children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace.” Well, see, this is the voice of God speaking to this dear Mother, and she can take it to the bank. It’s the truth and she can believe it, as it is God’s Word.

But it seems that many Christian Mothers are just bouncing off their experiences and saying God spoke to them to give up on their children or their husbands. This is the voice of Satan telling you that. The Bible says that it isn’t God’s will that any should perish but that all should come to the knowledge of Christ. So why would God tell you that your child was hopeless? And we do have to spend time with the Lord in order to hear His voice. And if someone tells you, “Well, God told me to tell you thus and so.” Well, line it up to the word of God. There are many voices out there to shut off or to listen to.

Honestly, I have never seen so many lying spirits out there as I have seen lately. Ya know, witchcraft is out there in full force lately. Cursing spirits are out there and they are strong. Folks do start stories to curse others and they haven’t even a smack of truth in them.

But, see, often parents will put young teenagers down because they think they are facing the truth or the reality. But say ya have a child that is always “seemingly” getting in trouble and yet he is always found innocent? And over and over again you find no evidence that this child has done wrong. And yet you have a feeling of fear over the child. Every time this kid walks in the room, you feel a fear attack. And you think, “Something ain’t right with that kid. Why do I feel fearful when he walks into the room?” Well, that is the devil cursing this child.

Fear is a power like faith. It is a spiritual thing and doesn’t have to have a physical evidence of anything to make you fear — you just do. Fear is the opposite of faith. But say someone has lied about your child and, even though he was innocent, you were attacked by a fear. The fear stayed, even though you knew your child was OK. The fear made a way into your inner court. You were attacked by the devil. He stabbed your Mother Heart. But Jesus has come to bind up the broken in heart and to set the captive free. So where there was fear because of cursing spirits from Satan, you, as this child’s mother, must meditate upon the word of God and His promises concerning the blessings of our seeds. You must cast this fear out of your heart, as it is destroying your family. And replace this fear with the promises of God concerning your family.

When I went through my bad marriage for 12 years, I saw nothing but hell for a long time. Satan tried to prove to me that God hated me. I had been left and abandoned with my children over 30 times and the hell I went through, I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And Satan thought he had me down and didn’t plan on letting me go. After Jim was saved, healed, and delivered, I was left with nothing but the past looming before me. But God told me that the devil had brainwashed me and that Jim was healed and all was well. And all was well, too. But, see, I could have destroyed my victory through the fear. The devil wanted to just kill me with fear.

So many Christian mothers are so weak in their spirits. They have a tiger by the tail and they can’t let go and they can’t hang on. The word of God is not preached to them concerning where they live and what makes their GUTS hurt. So they take nerve pills and what have ya in order to stand life. And if I get outta whack, no nerve pill will help me. I know that, so I try not to get too unglued. Both Mary and Brandon are on nerve pills. And they gave me one and it didn’t even phase me. I mean my legs got weak but that was it. I had been so grieved and hadn’t slept. They both told me that this nerve pill would put me out and it barely put me to sleep. So, I mean, if I am gonna get nervous, I will do it in a big way. So I know with me, it is His way or the highway.

But we have to learn to discern His voice and to meditate in His word. If you feel out of control and you just feel like you want to die, then this is because you aren’t spending enough time in God’s word and prayer and meditation upon Him. He is the peace that passeth understanding. We can be peaceful and content. And we can get back up, even though Satan has tried to kill us. I should know — I do it all the time. Not with my strength, but with His strength. He can come into you and give you peace.

See, right after Jim got saved, I would have days of just battling the thoughts of fear in my mind. One day, the Lord had me get this old book at the library on Joan of Arc. I read it and the Lord spoke to me. He told me to listen to the voice of God and not the voice of Satan. Well, I had been trying to do that but was so weak in faith. And then, on and on, gradually, I was healed of my fears through the word of God. But, see, we need to hear a clear call of God.

I hear so much preaching going on that has nothing to do with where most of us live. Well, Jesus is with us and is interested? He is our personal Savior and wants to speak to us. He is the healer and the comforter. The truth is that we as mothers are called as keepers at home. Now, Satan will try to lie to ya on that and get ya to worry over it, and so forth. But read the word on it. Quit looking at who did what. God is your source of peace and rest in this troubled world. Yes, many mothers have jobs and all, and they are Christians. And they seemingly can do it all … run a house and keep everyone happy at work. Well, she can do it, but what about the baby?

My friend works at a Christian daycare. And the workers there are just a breath away from calling D.H.S. and having them shut down. I would give that place about another week at the most. The woman who runs it takes off and goes shopping and forgets the whole thing. Kids are getting hurt because they have, like, one worker for 12 babies. The head of the place — this woman — fires people so she won’t have to pay them. She wants the money only. And this is so-called Christian daycare.

Read the word of God. It’s says “Every wise woman builds her house and the foolish woman plucks it down with her own hands.” Anyone who tells you to go get a job when you have a houseful of babies has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel.

And, ya know, around here, if a woman gets pregnant, she has to hide from the church folks in most of the churches. Now, why would a family put up with this kind of nonsense? This is your child and they wanted you to kill it? At church? Or at least leave it in daycare. I mean, get a life and read the pure word of God. Quit trying to be like the men in the Bible, and rest in the teachings of the lives of the women who followed God through childbearing. Right here is where so many women are being deceived. They swallow this stuff about planned barrenhood and then the sky is the limit. They become deceived on every other level. They become accidents going someplace and they are their own worst enemies.

There needs to be a clear call to Mother to come back HOME. So you may ask me what I would do if Jim was out of work and I had a houseful of children and we were going under financially? Well, welcome to my life. I would stand still and wait for the Lord to rescue me. I would stand upon the word of God and expect a miracle. If the Lord blessed me with a houseful of children, I would think it common sense that He would provide for the children. I wouldn’t abandon my children and go get a stupid job. I mean the children are hurting, too, when a family falls into hard times. Then the mother leaves the home and further upsets the family?

And, ya know, since time began, Mothers were keepers at home. But with this wicked society we have started about 32 years ago, we now don’t believe Mother’s place is at home. And look at the results? Let’s go back to the bend in the road and start over and, as Mothers and wives, make homes and places of refuge for our families. And on this teaching and true standard of living, you will come more and more into the truth of the Bible.

Listen to His voice and His truth and give your life for it. To heck with what folks think. Don’t throw your heritage away for this world’s approval. Learn to stand alone on the word of God.

Well, I am up a bit early this morning. To get a good writing, I should have been up about an hour ago.

The preparations for Mary’s baby shower are moving right along. Oh, wow, Jim has been off work and helping me so, of course, I couldn’t write much on the email. I have gotten so crazy concerning the preparations, etc. My family, the jokers that they are, keep inviting more and more people, and I am running to keep up with it all. As they have more people, then I, of course, need more cake. This party reminds me of the show Father of the Bride. Except I act like the father in that movie, and the rest of my family are free as birds.

And as I have hurried along as if lightening out of heaven is chasing me, the Lord keeps speaking to me. He keeps telling me that it is the anointing that breaks the yoke. That above all, and in everything, we are to be witnesses for Christ.

And I can have everything perfect, but what good is that? So many have needs that only Jesus can answer. To run ahead of my husband and give my strength to women, and to forget him in the midst of it all? No, I don’t want to act this out … it has no power to win women to Christ. My life in submission to my husband is a life committed to Christ and His anointing.

Our power in the Spirit lies in our holy position of living under the shadow of our husbands’ wings. We must look to our husbands and never give our strength to women. If we love the women around us, then we owe it to them to walk in an example of holiness.

I was watching the Waltons the other day on TV. And, like the show “Little House on the Prairie,” the mother of the home is in love with her husband. Of course, the Jezebel is present in both shows. But what draws us to it is that the wives are one-man women. The wives both put husband first. And as they do, they become the best friend of the women around them. These wives are safe as they pivot from their submission to their husbands. They have words of wisdom as they live out of the covering of their husbands. The other women chide them but, when they need a friend, they know they can count on the submissive wife.

The submissive wife is faithful to her husband and to her friends. She has a heart of courage and she is not afraid.

A wife with no courage can’t submit to her husband. A selfish, fearful woman can never submit to a husband. She is too afraid … too self centered. She MUST have her way, as she sees it. She can’t gently trust when things don’t go as she had planned it would.

A woman of courage and wisdom will stand strong when her world is falling down at her feet. For courage is not courage as you fight and don’t give up concerning your own way. The courage from God that wins souls is a courage that gets back up when your whole life has laid shattered before you. And yet you have enough guts to get back up and go at it again.

It takes a lot of guts to fight when all you have seen is a hell on earth. It takes a lot of courage and stouthearted wisdom to keep on keepin’ on when the devil has proven to you that God doesn’t care. Of course, God does care, but sometimes our spirits are so full of holes that we think we have no way out, and we must just lay down and let satan take our territory that we have fought for.

Sometimes the devil does convince you that life is not worth all the fight. But if, at this time of utter hopelessness, you get back up, then Jesus will meet you on that cutting edge. Maybe with just a bit of water for the hour to cool your tongue. Or maybe it will be the day of days when the final victory comes.

Sometimes it is that last call for help that bridges that gap between heaven and earth. That midnight hour when you thought God had forsaken you — yet you cried out again in courage and faith — is often the time the final hour of VICTORY comes. You thought you were too late but, in Him, you were right on time.

I am up and about, getting ready for the day with Baby Rose. Yesterday we were to have her but David didn’t have to work, so I didn’t have her, after all.

Jim and I went to the garden shop and I found some feverfew. That is an herb and, if you have a headache, it is supposed to help you. You are supposed to chew the leaves. When I had it before, I chewed the leaves in with some spearmint gum. It is a perennial and looks like daises. I hope to get a good patch of it goin’ in my herb garden.

I also got some more lavender. It was almost 90 here in Iowa yesterday. I didn’t get anything done in the garden — it was just toooo hot. But it has to get real hot for tomatoes to grow. So the tomatoes were happy, but no one else was.

All yesterday morning, I was thinkin’ about the writing Kelly sent in about the old time mothers. Man, I forgot what it all said now. But I was thinking about the old time housewives. And yesterday, in the afternoon, I was doing some reading. I have this old pioneer book. It has poems and stories. One was written by a pioneer woman. And it was about how she needed so many things to run her homestead. But what she prayed for the most each day was courage.

Oh, God Bless America! Don’t we need courage as Mothers for this day and age? This society is so corrupt. It just makes ya wanna roll over and play dead, huh? But I think this is how it has been in many troubled times in the past, too. Of course, the Depression era was filled with hard times … I think like now somewhat. But, ya know, if we have homes and a roof over our heads, and kitchens to cook in, and beds for our children, then we should praise the Lord.

Ya know, in the old days the farm mothers got up around 4:00 in the morning to start their work. And, ya know, they didn’t even have fans for this hot weather. But they cooked and baked bread, cakes and pies nearly every day. They did their cooking in the cool of the day. Often, they had a makeshift shed out back that they made into a summer kitchen. This way, the wood stove didn’t heat up the main house. They had a big noon meal, usually, and got their cooking out of the way as the day got hotter. Then, for supper, they had the leftovers from the noon meal. Many of the men were farmers and home for lunch. But the old time mother did most of their summer work in the mornings.

Then, in the afternoon, they rested and the children napped. When I would go to my aunt’s farm to stay a few weeks in the summer, this is how the farm women did it. My Gram lived in a little house in the back yard of my aunt’s house. And Gram would help with the garden or the cooking, whatever. But the hot summer afternoons were quiet, as the Mothers rested.

I think it is important to work hard but to rest, too … we need time as mothers to be refreshed. To talk to God and to regroup as the children nap. Then, after naps, it is time to prepare the house for the evening meal. The rest of the day is sorta to prepare to wind down for the evening. It’s a time for work but a time to get ready for the evening. So you fix supper and then later, it’s time to make sure the children have their baths and get their rooms ready for them to go to bed. Get the dishes done and the supper food put in the icebox. It’s time to read a story to the children and a time for prayers.

After the children are in bed, you, Mother, may want to have another time to read the word and pray. But Mother goes to bed pretty early herself, as she has another big day to tend to the next morning.

I remember when I was raised in the 50s. My brother and I thought my mother never slept. If we were to go in her bedroom at night, she would be laying there with eyes shut. And she would hear us and say, “Don’t step on my glasses.” Mom always kept her glasses right on the floor next to her bed, so she could find them in an instant if us kids needed something in the night.

When my mom and dad and we children would go to my uncle’s farm in the summer, we thought my aunt Jean never slept. All of the cousins at night slept on the living room floor on quilts. Late in the night, I would wake up and see a light in aunt Jean’s kitchen. I would hear my aunt Jean making cold sandwiches for the next day.

The old time Mothers never seemed to sleep. They were up in the night and always up early the next morning. Of course, they rested in the afternoon and this was their salvation. These Mothers were like firemen — they were always ready to care for the children, even in the middle of the night.

I never wore “see through” stuff to bed, as I had to be up in a flash many nights. Of course, June Cleaver on “Leave it to Beaver” would put her robe on quickly in the night if she had to get up. But I was never that organized. I am still that way — going out to give my flowers a drink in the mornings with whatever on I wore to bed last night. I throw left over tea or coffee on my flowers out front and I have to be free to do that at anytime. So I have to have something on that isn’t see through. Dan calls ‘em muumuus. But, heck, my dog used to get loose in the night and I had to chase her all over. Can’t ya just see me, runnin’ under the street light in a sexy negligee?

COURAGE

But, Oh Lord God, please give me courage … as the old time mothers prayed for many things, what they prayed for most was courage.

Yesterday I had some how sprained my ankle. I told the Lord, “Lord, I feel like an old barn. If I don’t move around too much, I will probably last another 20 years. But if too many big winds come up, I probably will fall apart a little bit at a time.” Well, I am there now. I feel like I am fallin’ apart a day at a time. My tooth was healed and I am ok with that. But now it is my foot. Gosh, if I could only walk!!! Well, it isn’t that bad and I am believin’ the Lord.

But yesterday, as I laid on my bed in the quiet afternoon, I prayed for courage to go on. Most of my prayer was, “Yes, Lord, I will do Your will … whatever it takes, I will do it, Lord. Yes, Lord, I will go on. Yes, Lord, I hear Your voice … I will not give up. I will go on, Lord, I will not quit.” I prayed for at least an hour. And most of my prayer was “Yes, Lord, yes, I hear You. I will go on. I am not giving up. I will not disappoint You. I will go on.”

I feel in my body that I somehow began to shut down with grief when my last Baby married and left home. And now it is as though I have been awakened from a long sleep. And now the Lord is speaking to my dry bones, “Awaken, it’s time to get up. There is work to do. Your night is over … it is time to work.”

And I am sayin’ to the Lord, “Lord, do you know how old I am?” And, of course, the Lord never calls the woman by her age. He calls her by her willingness to do His will. And, boy, yesterday I thought about Sarah in the Bible. Wow! Now there was a woman!!! Ya know, I think of Jim’s seeds and how they are still strong. I think of how most men never lose their ability to father children … it is the woman’s strength that leaves her body and she is not strong enough to conceive a seed. But I thought of the scriptures yesterday, about Sarah, who by faith received strength to conceive a seed, even in her old age. Wow, and this woman had been barren all of her life. But she was still beautiful and gave her husband pleasure, even in her old age. Man alive, what a woman of courage. And I want to be like her … even if I feel like an old barn.

I am depending on the balm of Gilead to salve my sore body and make a Sarah out of me. By golly, I want to be a rose in the desert to bloom in dry land. And with God, all things are possible and I plan on provin’ this, one way or the other. And if I die tryin’ … what a way to go. To die believin’ the Lord is the best way to go to heaven.

Oh, that spirit of virtue is what we women need to be mothers of courage. Virtue is a power and a strength that comes as we flex our spiritual muscles. We cannot be strong in ourselves.

And what keeps us from goin’ on in God? It is fear. We have to cast down the fear and pick up the faith and let God be God and every man a liar. He has called me to be a Sarah and I am goin’ to be a Sarah if it kills me. I am not afraid.

We as Mothers must take on COURAGE. We must have spines of steel and fire in our bones. Oh, a Holy supernatural fire that burns HOT. We must be brave and strong. And our strength must come from the HOLY SPIRIT. And we must cry out to God, “Yes, Lord … Yes, Lord, whatever You call me to do, I will do it, Lord. I will not fall back into unbelief and weakness.”

Ya know, we as mothers fight spiritual battles on every front. Some of you live with men who are seemingly just murdering your spirits. You are called as wives to live out a life that is hard by any standard. But go on in God … don’t give up.

Our country will never turn around without women who will not give up. So many half women who were Jezebels have ruined our country. But we, as the godly women of the day, are called to beat these women out with our obedience to God. We stand for God, the greater power. And through our obedience to Him, we will show the world a way out of their sins.

Dear Mothers,

Ya know what? If I was to tell you the most important thing I wanted from the Lord? It wouldn’t be faith or more patience or visions. Although I could use more of all of the above. No. The thing I would ask for — have been asking for a lot lately — is courage.

I wrote this evening some pretty bad stuff on paper. “My life is over, Lord. I am alone, Lord. My children are grown.”

The Lord spoke, “Connie, build a home in a barren land. You did it once before … remember?”

And, yes, many years ago I did just that. I was alone in an apartment, pregnant, on welfare. My only son was six years old. I laid there in bed, afraid to even get up and face another day. Jim and I were separated. I didn’t know where he was at all … hadn’t known for some time. I had said, “Lord, my life is over.” I was so afraid.

But the Lord spoke to me, “I will heal your marriage. Jim will be home soon and you will buy a house.” A house — HA! — on 150 bucks a month from a welfare check?

Jim did come home and I told him I wanted to buy a house. We went on foot looking for one, and here I am seven months pregnant. No car, so we walked. We found a house and paid 150 bucks down on it and 135 a month for a house payment. This included taxes and insurance. Now, that was cheap, even for 1973. We moved mostly on foot. I carried heavy boxes for about ten blocks one way. We did get back together and our marriage was to be healed in 1979.

Well, we had a house and Papa said I was a pioneer woman. I had to be to live in that house alone while I waited for Papa to get straightened out. I certainly made a home in the wilderness. This house was coming undone at the seams. Of course, God’s miracles kept me and the children.

I am reminded of all of this as I stand here alone tonight. Papa is at work and Mary is staying all night at a friend’s house.

I remember when we first moved into this house … Jim and I separated as soon as we were moved in … older relatives came over and here I am still pregnant. “Well, you aren’t staying here, are you?”

The house was in bad shape. Later I had our baby alone in the hospital a few days before Christmas. I brought her home and the furnace gave out. I sat by the floor register trying to keep my baby warm and waiting for the gas company to come and fix the furnace. I think of that now. “Oh, Lord, I must have had courage then.”

I remained in this house with the children. I hung on to it. And six years later, Jim was healed and we remodeled the house. I stayed here alone for six years waiting for Jim, and the house went up in price double. So, just staying here, I made twelve thousand dollars. Now we have lived here for 27 years and the house is worth sixty thousand dollars, and it’s paid for. Papa ended up paying for the biggest share of the house.

But the Lord gave me enough courage to make a home in the wilderness. And now I guess I gotta do that again.

Thank the Lord I have my precious husband. He has made up to me many times over for all that I suffered. And I have forgiven him and we are happy. But I am alone without children … alone in a barren land.

But the Lord has spoken to my heart, “Connie, all it takes is guts.” And ya know, I know it takes guts and a pioneer spirit. You got to just get up and go and face the thing head on. We must count the cost and pack our gear and leave the valley of fear and hit the solid ground of courage. I need to gird my loins with strength and get a little moxie.

Well, moxie? It’s faith … but it’s a little bit more worldly than faith. It’s the meek and quiet spirit trimmed in bull dog tenaciousness. It’s a quiet “No” when someone is expecting you to cry. But you ain’t gonna cry … and they soon figure that out. It’s smiling when all hell breaks loose. Moxie — what a word. It’s not a religious word. But it means you are a woman hard to handle.

When I was a single mom with three children, alone in a house of my own? That was falling down around me? Well, if I hadn’t had moxie, I wouldn’t be alive to tell you about it. Moxie … it’s faith … it’s being stout hearted.

I have always said that I use my faith but, if I am low on it, I B.S. my way the rest of the way. In other words, Moxie will go by faith when things get tough. And if the faith isn’t working, they are going anyway, one way or the other. I guess it’s just setting your heart on the word of God. You are going to go with God, whether you feel like it or not, with or without the feeling of faith.

Moxie will go ahead and walk out the faith when fear is raging and all hell is breaking loose. Religion will stop as soon as the fear erupts.

Courage with moxie faith … Yes … I pray the Lord will give us that. And, for us who are building a home in the desert without much to go on … Please, Jesus, give us courage.

Love,
Connie