Dear Mothers at Home,

This is a sad time for me over this Holiday time. I wish I could write about Christmas Cookies and Sweet Dough Christmas Breads. But you probably won’t get that outta me this year. But I know there are plenty of good sites to go to that will encourage you in your homemaking. Last night, as Annie and I talked on the phone, I said, “Annie, I think the party is over. I may never write again.” Of course, Annie laughed! I always laugh when she tells me anything devastating. But, seriously, can you all send in some writings for the group? If I did quit writing now, at least I have left the world with a few thousand writings. I have written many books of stories.

Ya know one thing the Lord told me in prayer last night was this. “Satan isn’t after YOU, Connie, he is after your anointing… your gift of writing.” Satan isn’t worried about our flesh but he is always after the Christ within us. He tried to kill Jesus as a baby. Mary had to hide Him to raise Him. And then He ministered for 3 years and then was hung upon a cross and He died. He was a man who was tormented by the devil and was acquainted with grief. He comes for us who are broken in heart. Some of you wonder how I ever made it through 12 years of a horrid marriage. I made it like I am right now with Mary. The hard way? I was human then as I am now. And I suffered it through like I am suffering with Mary. So many around me want me to shut me up as they did the poor that ran after Jesus. “Don’t bother the Master,” they tell me. But Jesus came for us who are desperate to have His touch.

As I stand here writing, I think of what I was thinking and praying about a few days ago. I made myself laugh. This is my life in essence. “I was caught in a tornado and all died around me but I alone escaped to tell you.” Then “I was in a fire that burned up everyone in it but I alone escaped to tell you.” And everyone I was with on the mountaintop fell off but I alone was saved to tell you “God rescued me.” I seem to stand… somehow God keeps me.

I am the type of Christian that gets dropped from an airplane and I land on my feet and hit the road running. Or hit the road testifying. I can’t stop testifying! I know when I am makin’ Satan so mad he wets his pants. But I can’t quit — it’s too much dang fun. It’s like a high to me to make Satan mad. It’s like takin’ off in a jet. It’s an adventure! And we do overcome Satan by the Word of our testimony, the blood of the Lamb, and that we don’t love our lives unto death. But Satan ain’t worried about those who are only religious but have no convictions. Those who have the fire of God upon them are the ones he worries about constantly and he accuses them to the Father day and night.

But ya know Dixie was so anointed. She saw angels and Wisdom. She would see Jesus walk through the house. She knew the world of the Spirit. Emily would go for walks with angels in the evening down their country road. Emily was taught the things of the Spirit. But Dixie told me, “Connie, you can learn things in the Spirit and use them for sin and play with God.” She said God hates that and not to do it. Dixie had another sense called “Faith.” She could still see into the spirit realm, even though she wasn’t walking with God. But, boy, I am tellin’ you what. I know I am in danger of losing my anointing, too. I mean such as it is. I am not as anointed as Dixie or Jill was but I know I have some form of it.

There is such a peace and a covering in my home. I sleep like a log at night without any meds. There is a peace in my home that is so sweet. Jesus is here with me. Oh, He moves too slow (my opinion) and my heart breaks for Mary. But ya know what? It’s like if you were shipwrecked and you were hanging onto a piece of the ship in the water. You have the grace to hang onto the ship’s broken piece. But you get impatient and want to give up. “It’s taking too long, Lord.” But what’s the alternative? You have to hang on or drown. We hate the word “Wait.” But that is our salvation. We have to wait upon the Lord. We have to encourage ourselves in Him and hang on. And if we don’t give up, we see His glory.

I am so aware that, as I write, the Lord speaks to me. But getting me here to write is hard. I don’t want to write — I want to cry and scream at God. “Can’t you hear me? I am drowning! Where is my baby… the one I raised for You, God?” So I come to this e-machine and I lay my hands upon the keys and I write as the Spirit guides me. I am surprised at what I write. Surprised that I can still stand here. I have lost my husband to death and my daughter. How can I stand here and write? It is His grace. His anointing. He is the piece of broken ship I hang onto. And as I hold it, as lowly as it is, He makes my world go round. I am the widow with the bit of oil and meal.

Mary Elisabeth just called me. Thank God! We had a conversation. She said she is coming for Christmas to my Mom’s. She was at the trailer court but I had the wrong one. But I told her I wanted to send her a Christmas card and she gave me the address. And I have her phone number. Thank God! I told her she needed help and she said she knew it. She didn’t want to talk long, but we did talk, and I know she is alright sort of speak.

It’s a long haul. But I have to hang on to the anointing. It’s all I have. It’s all you all have. You who have Jesus have His anointing. He is the anointed Christ. Hang onto Him. Don’t let go and you will see His glory.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I had a lot of interruptions yesterday so didn’t get to write all that was in my heart. One thing I want to say here is this. Ya know it took me 12 years of prayin’ to see my family come into order. But it won’t take you all that long. See, Jill and Dixie and I, and some of the others, found our truth as we went along. But we were trailblazers. And so are many of you! But with my knowledge of the Word and some others — and with what God does for you personally that I don’t know about — you will get a healed family in a lot less time.

See, many came after Edison and improved the light bulb. They took his experiences and added them to what they knew and then perfected the harnessing of electricity. I don’t think Edison could have ever even dreamed up a computer … yet still he had a part in it. I remember when I first got my e-machine and was writing to New Zealand and Australia — wow! I could hardly believe that all I had to do to shoot a message all the way to the other side of the earth was to punch a button. How unreal is that! And how many minds made the computer? It was many people adding knowledge and wisdom to knowledge and wisdom.

But Ladies, use up what I know and add it to what you know and increase in more and more power and understanding. And you know what? Your testimonies will far outreach mine. I will be forgotten someday. But some of you will shine like stars. I am a forerunner because I don’t listen to the world. Hey. Hey???? Do I have your attention? The world and its folks don’t know how to stay out of a divorce! They don’t know how to pray a wayward husband home. Take a dang shortcut and quit listening to the world. They are here to crucify you, but, Girlfriend, if you can live long enough, you will be able to turn around and save their life.

I mean many years ago, Jim was my enemy and an enemy of Jesus Christ. But I loved him and didn’t give up on him. And do you know how you got to know me? You got to know me because my husband supported me so that I could go to the world with a message that Jesus can heal your marriage. Jim became my power to the world to shout the Victory. The man that nearly killed me with heartache has become the hope to many other families. It is no secret what God can do. What He has done for others, He will do for you. The husband who deserted me and sinned against me one day gathered me up in his arms and said, “I am so sorry.” And he lived long enough to give me a place of stability to shout this Victory to the mountaintops, “Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted and to set the captive free.”

Ya know bless Jill’s heart. She would come to my house as I wouldn’t eat for such sorrow of heart. And she would all but feed me. I always tell her that she was the reason I am fat today. But I would not eat days on end. The deep sorrow I felt was killing me. I was 5 feet 8 inches tall and was lucky to weigh 100 pounds. Often I lost weight and got to 95 pounds. I just wept and prayed all the time. But God delivered Jim and He delivered me! And I have told God that I have needed an eternity to praise Him for just this alone. He saved my Johnny Paul in 7 years. And YEEEOOOWWW look out devil, I see Mary Elisabeth comin’ down the pike with victory in her wings!

It’s shoutin’ time in heaven! Oh, yes, its shoutin’ time! I am pullin’ glory out of heaven and makin’ a place for it on the earth. I am binding the evil on earth and the Lord is breakin’ heaven loose for me. Praise Jesus! Its shoutin’ time.

Mountain Moving Faith

Ya know Wild Man would go to the mountains to hide out when he would hit the road. And Mama was at home moving mountains with her faith. I was speaking to mountains to be cast into the sea. Must have made it hard on a wayward husband who was tryin’ to hide out in the mountains that wouldn’t stand still. Then Papa got saved and never again saw the mountains. We were gonna go there so he could show them to me. But we never went. Maybe someday I will go alone but I doubt it. Oh, how I loved that man.

And soon it will be Thanksgiving! I can feel the earth fairly shake as I know all of my seeds are coming home. Christian Joy and her husband are traveling by car from NYC. Hungry hearts longing to see their loved ones again. John and his darling wife Christine and son Romeo will be coming Wednesday night from Missouri. Jimmy and his wife Aleksondra and their little baby girl will come from Illinois and get here Wednesday night. David lives near here and his family will come with the new grandson, Papa’s namesake. And Mary will come, too. Dan will be the only one not coming and he will come for Christmas.

Aleks called a few days ago and she said Jimmy wanted me to make bread for Thanksgiving. She said he missed my homemade bread. I haven’t made it since Jim died. I have never made bread for anyone but Papa. I even made it for him when he was gone, believing God he would be home to eat it. I can’t imagine making bread that Papa won’t eat. And yet Papa sends me his love from heaven, always encouraging me. I know he wants only what is best for me and our children. I know he wants me to make that bread with as much love as ever.

Papa only wanted the best for me after he was saved. He spent the rest of his life trying to make me happy. I am always at peace knowing how much he loved me and honored me. He loved our children and grandchildren. Always wanted what was best for us. He had a heart of compassion for us. His greatest grief was that he couldn’t do more for us. But I was satisfied and happy with whatever he gave us.

I followed this man wherever he went from the time I was 19 years old. And when he did leave me for the final time and went to heaven, I knew where he was and I never feel I am without him. I have never grieved as others grieve for lost loved ones. I just know where Papa is and I know I will see him again. When you are as close as Jim and I have been, you just always know where the other one is. That comes as you go through the pit of hell and come out on the other end. Then the Lord gives you a heaven on earth. And then Jim’s body wore out and he had to leave for heaven. I know he couldn’t help it. It was his time to exit and he went in peace and love. I accepted it and let him go. I submitted to him … finally I submitted to him. Before that, I wouldn’t let him go. And we argued about it. He said a few weeks before he died, “Connie, it is my heart. I am dying.” I screamed, “No, you aren’t!” I wouldn’t let him go. But when Papa knew the time was right, he went on ahead to heaven. I submitted to it. And I felt such a peace. I was able to minister to the children as they all 6 wept and cried out for him. The grief was controlled and peaceful. The minister there said he had never seen such love in a family. If only he knew that all of the love he saw came through years of prayers and intercessions.

Love,
Connie

When our first son Jimmy got married to Aleksondra, he was nearly shot. Aleks would spend all afternoon making a wonderful meat sauce for Jimmy’s meat. And Jimmy would sit down to eat it and say, “Where’s the ketchup?” He didn’t know that anyone lived without ketchup. Aleks would just have a million fits over that. Jimmy then tried to never ask for it again. Aleks now doesn’t allow ketchup in her house. Jimmy, being a Hultquist, tries to keep the cook happy.

Aleks is such a good cook. Jimmy used to follow her all over the kitchen as she cooked. She would wear the long tie-around skirt with the knot at the waist. Barefoot, of course. Very sexy … no wonder Jimmy wanted to kiss her in the kitchen. Aleks doesn’t allow anyone in her kitchen. I got to go in once but I knew I was makin’ her nervous so I try to stay clear. One time as she was taking something hot out of the oven, Jimmy decided to tickle her. I can’t believe he did that! Anyway, she screamed bloody murder and put the pan down and came after Jimmy. Boy, he didn’t do that again!

Jimmy is very politically correct and educated, unlike the rest of us hillbillies in his family. He is the typical oldest son. But every now and again, Jimmy’s upbringing comes out. Like about the second year of their marriage, he brought his poor unsuspecting bride home for Thanksgiving at our house. She knew the family but didn’t understand us as she was raised on the East coast. We in the Midwest — big difference! So anyway, it was a rather cold, cloudy day when they pulled into the driveway of our house. The ground was wet and it was cold. As Jimmy arrived, Dan (17 at the time) and David (19) pulled Jimmy from the car and wrestled him to the ground in the mud. Aleks was in SHOCK! I was in the house with Jim and my guests, as they came in, told me what the boys were doing. I was so busy, I didn’t even go outside and Jim was very matter of fact about it. Like “What else is new?” And poor Aleks is screaming the whole time, “Jim, get up — you are a married man.” My sister-in-law comes in and tells me, “Connie, it looks dangerous and the neighbors are gathering. If you don’t stop it, they will call the POLICE!” Jim says, “Aw, they’re just havin’ fun.” Finally they stopped and they all came in for prayers and a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Jimmy came in with a big smile on his face like he had a lot of fun. The boys always thought Jimmy was too educated so they enjoyed roughin’ him up. Sorta breakin’ him in so he wouldn’t be such a stuffed shirt. We enjoy seeing Jimmy with his hair tousled and a little mud on his shirt.

One holiday — I can’t remember, I think it was another Thanksgiving — Papa Jim’s back was out but he didn’t tell anyone. John wanted to wrestle with Jim. So John came up behind Jim, put his arms around Jim’s chest, and lifted him up in the air. Jim’s feet were about a foot off the ground as John is tall, anyway. But I looked at Jim’s face like “Oh no” and Jim had this worried look on his face. All of a sudden, this peaceful grin came over Jim. As John put him down, Jim says, “Oh, thanks, John you put my back back in place.” We thought that was hilarious. Jim felt so good after that.

Another time — well, about 3 years ago — Dan, then in his early 20s, was pretending to be Groucho Marx? And he was standing there talking to Jim and jumped into Jim’s arms. I held my breath as Dan outweighed Jim and was taller, too. Jim stands there holding Dan like all was well. I said to Dan, “Dan! Dad isn’t as young as he used to be.” Dan rolled his eyes and said, “Yeah, Mom, I just thought of that as he held me.” My gosh! The man was about 62 at the time and 3 years from dyin’. But he loved holding Dan as he always had.

But those boys wrestle something terrible. Johnny says he can still take ‘em all. But that’s his story ya know. Johnny, at 31, is getting older and Dan, at 24, is getting stronger so I don’t know what will happen this Thanksgiving.

Dear Mothers,

This evening, Jimmy (age 39) our oldest son and his wife Alecksondra and their little baby will be here. We will all gather at my folks for supper. The kids around here and their families will be there, too. My Mom is making Tacos and I will bring my macaroni salad. Then for the 4th we will all go to my brothers who lives on an acerage. And John will shoot off firecrackers for all of us to see.

July 4th is John’s Christmas! He presents the whole thing as if he is on stage. He introduces himself like he is a Show Host. And then he proceeds to blow things up. The explosives fly through the air and are way too much for the area. And the debris falls from the trees right on people’s heads. Makes me wanna cry to just think of it.

Jimmy hasn’t been home for July 4th in many years so he will love all of this. Alecks, who is much more sophisticated then the rest of us, will say to Jimmy, “Jim, I have a headache — can we go home?” About the time things that are on fire start coming through the trees? Hmm, it ain’t gonna be pretty. There is a big difference between the people who were brought up on the East coast and the ones who live in the Heartland. Alecks is very educated, too. People from the East are a lot more sophisticated. Jimmy, who is a wild and crazy Hultquist, acted like he came from the East to get Alecks to marry him; then he showed his true self.

One time at Thanksgiving at our house, Jimmy and his new wife of about a year were just getting out of the car to come into the house. It was pretty cold out and a bit muddy in the yard. As Jimmy was getting out of the car, the brothers threw Jimmy to the ground to wrestle him in the mud. Jimmy, at first, was taken by surprise but then really got into it and had fun. His poor wife stood in shock and kept screaming, “Jim, get up — you are a married man!” She almost had a anxiety attack. Jimmy just kept on goin’. Pretty soon, the aunts and uncles were coming. My sister-in-law runs in the house and says, “Connie, you better go get those boys. The neighbors will call the police.” I am, of course, in the house workin’ like a dog to get the meal on and wasn’t about to go out and make my boys be good. Jim thought it was funny so he didn’t stop ‘em. My sister-in-law told her daughter, “Those boys need a time out, right, Ashly?” She was brought up in a houseful of girls so she had never seen such crazy goin’ on before.

Aunt Toot used to just about croak at my house. I would be serving coffee as if all was well. And Dan and David would be wrestling in the living room. Toot would say, “Connie, won’t those boys get hurt?” Heck, I didn’t even notice them.

Jimmy invited us all to his wedding in New Jersey in 1998. What a riot! Jimmy told his guests that we weren’t his real family — he had just rented us to make people think he was a wild and crazy guy. They played music from the 1950s for the wedding dance. Dan ran and jumped over Christian Joy’s head, and she is about 5 ft 9 or 10 inches tall. Well he did that among other things.

My Mom used to have nightmares after coming to my house for dinner. For one thing, my little kids were always playin’ under the table. And Mom would be talkin’ to me and then she would lift up the tablecloth, look under the table, and say, “Are you sure you want those kids under there?” One time I wasn’t watchin’ the kids and Mom asks for a fork to eat her pie? They brought her a B-B-Q fork. I didn’t even notice it. But later in the week, she brought me over a new set of silverware, as she thought I had lost mine. After that, she expected all of my silverware to match on the table. But I had the kids set the table and I just wanted all of the dishes to be clean and in order. Matching silverware was beyond me. Just before Mom and Dad would come in, I would tell the kids, “Make sure Grandma and Grandpa’s silverware match.” Well, the kids would do unreasonable things with my silverware!

And ya know, if the back end of the house didn’t blow off and Papa could still put food on the table, he thought all was well. His view of all is well was a far sight different than the norm. What made our lives really hilarious is that I was so overwhelmed, in the summer especially, and I would just go ahead and submit to anything Wild Man came up with. I mean, most women will try and talk their husbands out of some things. But, heck, I didn’t have time to do anything but keep truckin’.

After Jim got saved, I had 3 more children in about 5 years. Jimmy had joined the Navy and called home collect from Guam and other countries. We had phone bills of $500 a month. Jimmy would send the money to pay for it after the phone company was ready to shut the phone off. We were always runnin’ like hound dogs to the phone company with a check, yellin’ “Don’t shut it off — we have the money!” It was always in the nick of time. As our whole lives were spent in the place called “Nick of Time.” Once, when Jimmy had just gone into the Navy, he didn’t call or write. I called the Navy and asked where he was. He tells me later, “Mom, you are supposed to go through the Red Cross to get ahold of an enlisted man.” They had gone into Jimmy’s barracks with “Seaman Recruit Jim Hultquist?” Jimmy stands at attention. “Sir?” “Your Mommy called. She said you forgot to write home to the family. Write your Mom a letter.” Well, Jimmy always kept in touch after that. At home on leave, he would remind me as he was leaving to catch the bus, “Mom, don’t call the Navy.” Well, what are ya supposed to do if you are a worried mom?

But, oh, that Papa. Ya know, even in his old age, I just felt like he could do anything. As long as he was with me, we would be ok. Often, as I would hug Jim and hold him tight, I told him, “You feel in my arms as you always have.” Jim remained about the same weight as he always had been. To me, he was always 25 years old.

Dan said he dreamed of Dad the other night. Dan is still in NYC with Christian Joy. Anyway, Dan says over the phone, “Mom, I dreamed that we were at a family gathering. And Dad was there as usual. I thought to myself, ‘He can’t be here.’ But I thought that, because he was, I would just hang out with him and be with him, as I have have missed him so much.” The other kids have similar dreams. I have many daydreams of Jim.

I wonder if he will be watching Johnny’s firecrackers in the sky with us on July 4th. It wouldn’t surprise me.

Love,
Connie

Dear Kitchen Saints,

Oh, wow, it’s summertime and the livin’ is easy.

This morning as I prayed, the Lord set before me life and death. He said I could either be happy or sad today. The choice is mine. I could either lay Mary and Brandon on the altar as Abe did or I could make gods of them. Isaac was chosen of God to do great things. He wasn’t a son Abe wanted to spare. He was the son of promise. Abe and Sarah had walked by faith to receive Isaac. Laying Isaac upon an altar was the hardest thing in this world for Abe to do. But it was a test for Abraham and he passed and God sent Abe another sacrifice.

So many of us as homeschooling mothers have given our all to our children and they are not easy to give back to God. But we must give them back to Him as He knows how to take care of our family Jewels. He won’t let us down if we have faith in HIM.

He will set before us life and death. Heaven or Hell — faith or fear. This day, what will we choose. Whom will we serve today? God or Satan? If fear and confusion is first place in our hearts (our minds) then we are serving Satan and making a god of him. But if we choose to serve God in our temples (our minds) then He will rule and reign in our lives.

The kids that give us the most trouble, we pray over the most and they end up being the greatest of blessings. I have told you many times of my beloved son John’s testimony. Lately, as I prayed with Nancy she said, “Had Jim been here, this wouldn’t have happened with Mary and Brandon.” I had told John this. And he said, “Mom, I don’t have the fire Dad had. But I am a full grown man and I will take care of my sister Betsy (Mary Elisabeth).” Imagine the worry that took off of my shoulders.

Mary is hiding out from Brandon. I am prayin’ he will find her. He is a good hunting dog, and a loving Shepard. I know that. I don’t know where she is, either, but have her cell phone number. But can you imagine how much I don’t need this? This is enough for Jim to storm out of heaven and come back to life.

But ya know, God tells me this. “No woman when she warreth entangles herself with the cares of this world.” I am here to do a great work for the Lord. I don’t know if I will get it done or not. But it is a fight of faith. I am used to fighting in faith. We plant faith seeds and then we allow them to be aborted. Our seeds of faith have to be left in the ground. They have to be watered and prayed over. What digs them up? Mark 4 says it is the pride of life the lust of the flesh (worry) and the deceitfulness of riches.

Will we choose this day worry over faith in God? Will we look at our homes and say, “There are giants in the land too big for me to handle.” Or will we say, “Yes, there are giants in the land but we can get through them with the help and grace of our almighty God.” Will we be faithful Mothers or will we fall near the end of the race and not get back up?

Jim and I had prayed so much over Mary and Brandon. Brandon had asked Jim’s permission to court Mary and Jim gave his permisision. Brandon had a good job and was a steady worker. And when Jim died, Brandon didn’t work again. By the way, the Lord healed Brandon of the Chrones. Either that or he is in remission. He was a rack of bones and I had to look away from him and say to God, “If he lives, he lives and if he dies, he dies.” And he lived. No one knows how. But he seems to be fine. Gained weight and looks healthy. But I stand on the scripture “What God has joined together let no man separate.” Mary and Brandon were joined by God, and no man can separate them. I didn’t raise Mary fuel for Hell and didn’t, with Jim, give her to a man who won’t be a good husband to her.

I stand alone on God’s word. He hasn’t let me down yet and I know He won’t. He is on my side. When Satan comes in as a flood, the Lord will raise up a standard against him. I know a standard is here and I expect many miracles.

Suffering Saints

Yesterday I went to the store and, oh, the angels were everywhere around me. I could feel them watching me. Their eyes were upon me. As I went to pull into my driveway, a dove sat right in front of the car and wouldn’t move. I was half in and half out of the driveway. I finally got the car in as I prayed.

The Lord will hover over a broken and contrite heart. He broods over many of you who fight back tears to read this writing. He is near to you and knows your heart. But I can say truly, “It is well with my soul. Yes, His grace is sufficient for me. I am not afraid of what man will do unto me. I am not moved by what I see but only what I believe.”

I was a faithful mother. I didn’t plant seeds of adultery and fear into my home. I planted the seeds of Godliness. I am not going to dig around in an unfaithful mother’s garden and try to get food. I will reach into my own secret garden of faithfulness and eat of the Bread of LIFE.

Mothers, don’t let the devil tell you that your prayers were for nothing. If you have long suffering and patience, you will see the devil eat dung. You will see God’s hand move and He will answer every prayer you have prayed. He holds our prayers in golden viles. He counts our tears. He is touched by our grief and He has carried it for us. He will answer our prayers for His own sake. He walks with us and wants to be glorified. We are not lost street children. We are Mothers in Israel. He knows what it means to weep over His own rebellious children. But He never gave up. His Father’s heart was long suffering to those He loved.

And ya know, while the church is hoopin’ and hollerin’ and havin’ a good time, the remnant cries out for some real answers. If you are broken hearted today, dear kitchen saint, rejoice. Your redemption draws nigh. I am beleiving God for many miracles today. Not just for my own family but for all of you and your homes.

Mothers, ya know? When we are in such a dire place, it is good? We have nothing to hold onto except His Presence. And, oh, He makes a lighted path before us. He has made one for me. Let me tell you about it in the next email.

Love,
Connie

PS As I was reading this and getting ready to send it, the Lord said to me, “You won’t give up on this, as you never have, and you will see Victory as always.” I laughed real loud at the devil. I bet the neighbors heard me through this open screen door. Good Grief. But the Lord told me, “You are still a tough old dog and you will chew on this until you see MY glory.” Yes, Satan is building me another testimony. Whose laughin’ now, devil?

Lazy Days of Summer

Oh, as children, we kids loved the summertime. Getting to go barefoot and playing in the garden hose. On the weekends, we went on picnics and went swimmin’ in the lake. Our family went to Minnesota and swam in Leach Lake. Then we would be all day pickin’ leaches off of our bodies. (Are you reading this, Julie? Now you know why I am not afraid of bugs.) But we loved the hot summer days.

Later on in the season, I would go stay with my aunt on her farm. The mornings would be busy with housework, etc. Then in the afternoon, my aunt and gram would watch TV and snap beans to can. It would be too hot to do much work, and I only remember a few fans. And ya know, the farm families ate with the season. If the garden beans were ready, then we ate beans every day with a meal. When the tomatoes came on and the mothers were canning them, we ate tomatoes with each meal. Then corn on the cob and we ate that until fall. We never tired of these vegetables because we didn’t eat them fresh in the winter. But the cucumbers were so good. One recipe for them is very simple and what we all ate growin’ up. Just slice your cukes in a bowl and put in about a cup of water. Then put in about a fourth cup of vinegar and about fourth cup of sugar. A pinch of salt and some black pepper. Now we mixed these cukes up with an equal amount of sliced onions and green peppers — the longer they sit in the fridge in all of this mixture, the better they get. And then the housewives just kept adding more vegetables to the bowl as they continued to set them on the table for each meal. We ate those all summer.

When my children were little, we would hurry about and get the house cleaned up if we knew it was gonna be hot. Then, right after lunch, I would walk my children to the library. When we came home, I would put a clean sheet on the floor and they could spread their books out and have plenty of room. Then I would fix a box fan right in front of them so they would be cool. I would get out their bed pillows and they would rest and read for the afternoon. I loved those lazy, quiet days of napping with the childrn next to the fan. I would read, too, on the couch.

One thing I enjoyed, too, was making things for the refrigerator for the hot days. I would make a lot of Jello. The Lord is telling me today to do this again and to make a nice cool summer home. It is His grace to me — it is His faith idea for me and I can’t wait to do all of this. To have macaroni salad and some cold canned fruit in bowls to eat for lunch is fun. It’s nice to pull out homey things to eat with cold sandwiches. To have a jug of cold ice tea ready made in the fridge is what I grew up with.

Often the Mothers would sew in the afternoons when it was very hot. To sit and do handsewing, patching or knitting. My mom and aunt would make doll clothes with me. Then, about 2:30 or so in the afternoon, they would start picking up their sewing and putting things away for my dad to get home. Mom would have iced tea or something cold for Dad to drink and, of course, supper was always at 5:00.

Then the evening was family time. Visiting with the family or with neighbors and friends. The evenings would be so hot and we would all sit on the porch until the evening cooled off and then we went to bed. We had barely any fans. But the Lord has given me such JOY today as I think of the Old Fashioned summers. I have a window air conditioner now. But I have to work to keep this house cool.

Baby David will be here this morning. PTL. I am so happy that I get to help with Baby David who is only 7 weeks old.

Papa’s presence is always with me. It used to be that he had to wait for me to get done on the email. Now I write to him first and then I write to you all. I write to him in heaven on just plain paper. I know the Lord gives him my words.

The utter sweetness that is in this house is so worth keeping. Lord God, please keep me as I keep house.

I am up in the night thinking of Christmas Dinner at noon today. My brother Scott gave our family a nice ham for Christmas. I had two chickens out thawing for dinner today. And Papa says maybe we could have the ham, too. I said, “Honey, my oven is not that big.” So we put the ham away for another day. Oh, men. At Christmas, they love to watch the little woman cook.

Anyway, I tried to stay in bed this morning. I mean, after all, it is 2:45 in the morning. But I went ahead and got the crock pot goin’ to make sure it boils for the mashed potatoes. And I put the chicken in the oven. I will bake it tonight and then just warm it up for my company. We will have 12 for Christmas Dinner.

I put two whole chickens in the oven in a big pan. I made a marinade for them. I just took about a fourth cup of vinegar with a fourth cup of oil, added spices, and put this on the chickens. The spices were celery seed, black pepper, salt and garlic. Then I just put a bunch of paprika on it to give it a festive look. I put some onion in the cavity of the chicken to hide the the poor onion from Papa. He loves onions but he don’t know it. I put the oven on about 450 and it will brown good. Then I will just turn the heat down and let it simmer until done. I want it to be a nice roasted brown. Then, after the chicken is done, I will take it out of the pan and make a gravy with homemade noodles in the pan, and then I will lay the two chickens back in the pan on the top of the noodles. I will just put the whole pan on the table.

I have some sage I dried from my garden and I will decorate with that. I bought some Amish made noodles and didn’t make my own this year. Then I will make dressing {stuffing} in another pan and a vegetable, and then we will have the mashed potatoes. Mary will bring bread and my Mom made a relish tray. I have cookies made and Aunt Toot’s pretty candy and some fudge. I guess no one will starve to death.

Also, this morning, I took out some grape juice to tone the Cordial down a bit. Yeeow!

Last night when Toot came over, she brought in a sack for my Christmas present. In it was about 10 cans of cat food. I tried to be polite. She loves to do this stuff. Bring Peggy Sue a present and not me! But it was a joke and she went back out to the car and got her pretty holly candy. Very funny, Aunt Toot.

Well, I deserve it for all the suffering Johnny used to put her through when he was a boy. We were always kidding Toot and putting her in embarrassing situations. Like the time she came over in a new outfit her husband had just bought her. John shot her with invisible ink. Wow, a big black spot right in the chest of a light mint green outfit. You should have seen her face. She about fainted. I thought she was gonna cry so I start yelling, “It’s invisible ink — it will become invisible.” I am looking over at John and whispering, “It will become invisible, right?” John just stood there enjoying the parade, acting like maybe it wouldn’t come out invisible. So I deserved cat food for Christmas this year. But never fear, the next practical joke will be my turn to perform on poor Aunt Toot. Hmmm I will think of something. I will let you know.

Well, I think maybe I can go back to bed. I will put the oven on very low and cover the chicken.

Merry Christmas.

Dear Christmas Mothers,

Last evening Lynetta came by for a Christmas visit. We laughed and had fun and drank a sip of the Cordial. And, of course, Lynetta took pictures and put them on the group. Peggy Sue had a merry time, too, although she was not allowed to drink the Cordial.

I often refer to Lynetta as Aunt Toot when I write about her. She used to be on the response group but is on the big group now. Anyway, she forgot her reading glasses on the table. She wrote me an email and thanked me for putting them up for her and not allowing Peggy Sue to wear them. Ya know, Peggy Sue would if she thought they would fit. Peggy Sue was her general happy go lucky self and put on a show for Aunt Toot.

Wild Man was at work. When Jim got home he visited awhile and ate and then he went to the store, as we needed eggs for today. But, of course, he brought home a poinsettia for Toot. It’s traditional!

Lynetta brought the most stunning Christmas holly I have ever seen. She made them out of cornflakes. I think she made them like you do the Rice Krispie treats but you do it with cornflakes. Then she put in a gorgeous dark green food coloring. So then she bunched them up like leaves and put dark red “red hots” candy on each bunch. They weren’t round piles like a cookie? She made them in the shape of leaves. They were honestly, without any exaggeration, the prettiest things I have ever seen. Jim thought so, too. We just had a fit over them. She put them in a black plastic plate and put a clear cover over them and a gold bow on the top. Absolutely stunning! She said her kids eat ‘em. Man, I don’t think I could eat one.

I will take some to the folks this evening for Christmas Eve. But I will definitely freeze some to just look at. Our Mary will love to see them, as they are like something she would make. They look really old fashioned. I think folks used to make like little wreathes with them in the 1970’s and then put the red hots on. But, to me, they are more artistic in the shapes of holly. Aunt Toot put like about 5 red hots in the middle of each cluster of leaves. Then, to separate the layers, she has the white wax paper. This white paper adds to the picture as it looks like white snow. If she is on the computer today, I will ask her to send the recipe.

One simple candy I made, too, was as follows. You just melt almond bark in the microwave, then spread it on a buttered cookie sheet. Then, while it is hot, you sprinkle crushed candy canes over it. Then let it dry and then break it up. Just put the candy canes in a plastic bag and crush them with a hammer. Anyway, I have had a lot of compliments on these. I took them to my aunt at the nursing home and the nurses asked my aunt to get my recipe. She had invited them to sample some. I will take a plate of this candy mixed with the green holly leaves from Aunty for Christmas Eve. It will make a lovely plate of candy.

I have a big old fashioned plate to put it on. I had gotten this plate at a sale. It is chipped on the side. But it is about 100 years old. The art on it is beautiful. It is different colors of green with large red and white and pink roses. Perfect for Christmas, and a perfect backdrop for Aunt Toot’s stunning handiwork.

This morning, I am boiling eggs to make filled eggs to bring. Mary is bringing breads. She used a cup of butter instead of oil in her Pumpkin Bread. I can’t wait to try that.

Tomorrow, for Christmas dinner, I am baking two whole chickens. I will make crock pot mashed potatoes. Then I will make noodles and gravy and sage dressing. I will have about 10 for Christmas dinner. I can’t wait to see Baby Rose. John’s family had to go back to Missouri for Christmas, but we will have them next year. I will miss little Romeo but we gave him many gifts and kisses before he left. I love that little boy so much. He is so ornery like my boys were.

Merry Christmas. Hold onto your dreams.

Recipe for Holly Leaves

1 stick of magarine
40 marshmallows or 4 cups mini marshmallows
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. green food coloring
4 cups of any brand of corn flakes

Mix & lay on way paper in clumps.

Sprinkle with red hot candies…allow to harden on wax paper before putting on serving plate or storing.

Dear Christmas Sisters,

Oh! Yesterday afternoon my friend Jill, who I often write about, and her husband Jerry came to our home to wish us a Merry Christmas! Oh, we had a jolly time. Jill and Jerry brought many presents and we had so much fun. Jill had made candy. On a lovely Christmas plate, she laid the dark fudge with walnuts Jerry had cracked. As a couple, they go out to the woods and find walnuts in the fall. Also, Jill brought a delicious pumpkin bread with the walnuts in it. They also brought 4 different kinds of Christmas candy. The dark fudge, peanut butter fudge, toffee, and caramel peanut clusters.

I had made potato cheese soup and a hot spicy chili for our little Christmas party. Then we had coffee and, last but not least, we had the Cherry Raspberry Christmas Cordial. So anything that was funny, anyway, just got funnier. Jill and I serve our men hand and foot. Jill said, “Jim is still your king,” as I served him his soup. Well, she is the same with Jerry.

We laughed and had a joyous time. And, oh mercy! Jill made a lot more too. I will tell you about it. She and Jerry made these dipped pretzels. Oh, I hope I can describe how cute these are. You get the long thick pretzels and dip the ends in almond bark and then nuts or the Christmas sprinkles. You dip them most of the way down so you can hold onto them at the bottom without getting sticky. Jill bundled them up in plastic wrap with a simple Christmas string gathered at each end. It’s the cutest bundle of candy sticks you have ever seen. I want to eat one but I don’t want to mess up how cute they are wrapped. Then, also, Jill brought me some red pepper candles and another cute pumpkin candle. Also, hand lotion and a bar of a Lavender Camay soap. Very fragrant. Oh, it smells lovely. And Jim and I got Jill and Jerry a Poinsettia Christmas flower. Jim had bought eight of these flowers for Christmas and has given many away.

Oh, also Jill gave me some Christmas potpourri. I just opened it this morning and put it in this old fashioned homemade basket. I had pine cones in it on my old buffet. And Jill’s potpourri, spread in the basket, makes it look all the more woodsy. The basket smells homey … like it should be deep in a forest cabin home at Christmas time!

But, oh, we laughed and had fun. We rejoiced over Jill’s sister coming to Christ in the past month. What a testimony she is! She will write a book someday. Jesus delivered her from the gay lifestyle and, oh, how we rejoice over that. She tells it like it is, too. That gays aren’t born like that. You can imagine how we rejoiced over her conversion after 30 years of praying for her. Well, Jill did most of the prayin’. Oh, Jesus is so wonderful. He is our Savior and Lord.

And Jill is just like a wind up toy. So Jerry tells her to start winding down as it was almost time to leave. They had other presents to deliver to friends. Jerry looked so handsome at 74 years old. His curly, thick, pure white hair just glistened in the candlelight. And Jill, as pretty and brown eyed and full of sparkle as ever. Watching Jerry and Jill across the table is entertainment enough, without any presents.

As Jill paused at the door and looked at the house one more time, just before our last goodbyes and hugs, she said, “Well, Connie, you talk about my house having the presence of the Lord in it. Yours does, too.” I looked at the house after she left and tried to see what she saw.

Old familiar friends are such a blessing at Christmas. As iron sharpens iron, old familiar friends sharpen our inner man. We find a stream of still living water in our wilderness. It washes us of the dust and dirt of the world, and refreshes and restores us at Christmas time.

A Christmas Home

This morning, I got an email from a friend of many years. She said that she and her husband wouldn’t be cerebrating Christmas that much. Just going to stay home, as it is such a sad time of the year. What with all the sadness in the world, who would feel like celebrating Christmas. Well, I know her husband to be full of fun and could kid a grasshopper into a belly laugh. I thought of him and how sad he must feel about his wife not making a Christmas for the family.

I know there is so much sadness in the world. I see it very keenly, too. But we as wives are not to take on the burdens of the world. We have homes to be keepers in. And when our families see others having a happy Christmas, then they want to have fun and joy, too.

The Mothers in the Depression times had many parties and celebrations. Families gathered at the family home and brought homemade Christmas breads and cakes. They barely had the staples to cook with. They had ration stamps because of the war. So the old time Mothers would save up their ration stamps for a few months to make sure they had plenty of sugar for Christmas baking. The government gave out boxes of raisins to poor people and often the mother used raisins in a recipe to make it sweet.

Dear Sisters, as the times get harder, the Mother’s heart should get merrier. There is strength in Joy. When the family sees Mother in her Christmas apron, rolling out and baking cookies, they, too, take heart. Mother’s faith shines like a shooting star in the middle of the darkness around us. Her smile and her sparkle is water to a dry and parched soul.

Jill has brought me Christmas candy for 30 years. And she first started making it all when her husband left her. She made sure that she had a Christmas for her children in the midst of much heartache.

If Jill had her husband at her home as much as you do, Penny, she would have thought she had died and gone to heaven. She was abandoned by her husband. But she made the most lovely Christmas home that anyone could imagine. She had food stamps, as she was determined to stay home with her children and care for them. She told the welfare board that she wasn’t looking for a job. She told them her children had been abandoned and she wasn’t going to leave them, too. And her little boy thought they were rich, as his mother always made such wonderful meals and crafts at Christmas. On the coffee table always laid shutoff notices for the lights and water and gas. Jill hardly had the money to pay for these utilities. But her children didn’t know that. It was Christmas time and mother made a lovely Christmas. Not with a lot of presents and expensive things. No, Jill made a Christmas with the Joy of the Lord.

We all got a lot of free government cheese, etc. We were embarrassed — sure we were. But we didn’t let our kids know. They needed food and the peace of God upon their homes. They didn’t need a stingy whiny mother telling them that if their Dad wasn’t such a jerk, they would have a Christmas. Well, children don’t need that garbage. Things are hard enough without hammering the children about not having any food at Christmas. I mean, go get some free food at a church if ya have to. When ya bring it home and it is behind closed doors, the children won’t know where it came from. For their sakes, make a happy Christmas.

The old time Mothers always made a Christmas. Maybe it was all homemade, but they made a joyful time. And sometimes a family would invite friends over for a dance. The family would move everything out of the living room and then roll up the carpet to make a place to dance. And folks brought their fiddles and played music to dance to. And in the dining room was a big table and folks brought food to share and eat together. The old time families made their own entertainment. And then, too, they had many church activities at Christmas. And all the children got presents.

Mother’s Poinsettias

Oh, the old time Mothers loved their Christmas cards, and they saved them all from year to year. They decorated the whole house with Christmas cards. They put special cards in the kitchen, taped on the wall where they could look at them as they baked their Christmas cakes. And they taped some on the window in the living room or on the door. The cards meant so much to them. Sometimes they made homemade cards out of lace and ribbon and butcher paper from the meat market. Mother saved every bit of paper ad string that came into the house.

And one year, when my children were young we hadn’t had any snow. And it was getting near Christmas. So we made snow flakes and taped them on the window to pretend it was snowing. The children made many Christmas pictures and we hung them in nice places in the living room. Right on the wall in prominent places. I considered my children great artists. And they are to this day. We would take a blue piece of construction paper and put cotton on it for snow and for a snow man. Then we would put drops of Elmer’s glue on the picture and put silver sprinkles on it for the snow falling.

One Christmas when the children were babies, I was feeling especially dry in my soul. So much work to do and so little comfort. You know how it goes sometimes. Husband is working hard to keep the family in shoes and winter boots. And somehow Mother’s needs go unnoticed. I had prayed and asked the Lord to restore my soul. I asked the Lord for a poinsettia flower to put on my table. I didn’t know how I would get it. So I made a picture of it with the children’s crayons and taped it on my window. I didn’t want to ask Jim for it as I knew he was burdened enough at Christmas. So I didn’t tell anyone about it, just Jesus.

Well, pretty soon, Poinsettia flowers began to come right out of the sky. My neighbor Trudy brought me one over and has for the past 10 years now. Jim found one on sale and got me one — it was gorgeous. He was working at a hotel and, on Christmas day, Jim brought me home about five poinsettias. After Christmas, I found white poinsettias on sale for a buck and I got one. My home was awash with gorgeous scarlet red and snow white poinsettias that year. And every year since that year, Wild Man has bought me and others poinsettias for Christmas. This year, he also got me a nice potted bouquet of white roses. I put them by our little grandbaby’s picture in the living room, as we love to think of her as our little girl in heaven.

Well, duty calls.

Dear Families,

A few mornings ago, Jim and I sat at the breakfast table and visited over coffee and talked about Christmas. Jim wrote down some thoughts to share with the husbands and fathers on the group. So I will relay them.

He writes, “Always remember that Jesus is the reason for the season and that Christ was born on Christmas Day.”

He writes about his family as a boy growing up. “When Daddy was alive and we had Christmas, it was like magic was in the air. Daddy loved to sing and he did all he could to give us a happy Christmas. Dad was a Christian and a man’s man. A loving family man. Mama would bake at Christmas and make all kinds of things. She let us children pull taffy and make popcorn balls. Mama was the best cook I ever knew. She could make anything taste good. Daddy died when I was 8 years old. And that was the last Christmas I had with him. Mama was never the same. She went on to raise us children alone. But she was never the same.”

And Jim concludes, “Dear Husbands and Fathers, make this Christmas a wonderful time for your wives and children. Make every day like Christmas for your families. Connie and I want to wish all of you families represented on here a wonderful Christmas. May God bless you richly as you live in Him. Jim Hultquist. Christmas of 2005.”

P.S. Note from Connie: Jim was the twelfth of thirteen children. When his Dad died, there were six children still at home.

Dear Christmas Sisters,

Oh! Our family had such a lovely Christmas Time last evening. We went to our Johnny’s home for supper. We had looked forward to it all week. Saturday John was to get their Christmas tree and then, Sunday, we were to go in the evening to see the tree and have supper. Well, as it worked out, the kids didn’t get their tree. And yesterday John called and told us but John said to come ahead for supper. I heard Papa on the phone, “Sorry you didn’t get a tree, John.” And then I heard Jim say, “What kinda tree do ya want?” and then I knew Wild Man was gonna buy the kids a tree.

Oh, Jim was so excited to go get the tree. He came home with a nice one, tied on top of our car. He had gone to the Salvation Army and gotten lights and decorations. We could hardly wait to get to John’s home for supper. We had picked Johnny up from work and brought the Christmas tree with us. Oh, Christine and Romeo were so excited as the guys wrestled the tree into their house. And Christine had the living room all ready. The guys put the tree in the stand and then later on, after supper, John’s family decorated the tree. It had been such a magical day for all of us.

Then I had brought over some homemade Christmas goodies like I had made in the 1970’s. I told Christine that these were the kinds of treats Johnny knew as a child at home. I had brought cut out sugar cookies. Stars and Christmas trees sprinkled with red and green sugar. And then the Fantasy fudge with pecans. I also made the Cocoa Mix like I used to make. I made a big batch of it yesterday and then brought the kids some and left some here at home for us and Christmas guests and family. I also brought a cheese bread that we ate with Christine’s delicious Tuna Casserole. Oh, Jim and I loved the casserole — it was so good tasting. We hadn’t had Tuna Casserole in years. Ya forget how good that tastes. Of course, Christine waited on all of us hand and foot. Made us coffee and we had a ball.

Romeo, age 3, had all of his cars out and was having fun playing. And then he jumped on the couch and had to have time out in the bedroom. I told the kids that he reminded me of our boys when they were young. Jim agreed that Romeo at 3 was all boy. But, oh, it wouldn’t be Christmas without a little boy leaping off the walls. Twice he bumped his head on the heat thermostat thing. He kept rolling off the top of the couch and, when he would get back up, his head would hit the thermostat. John finally gave him a time out in the bedroom. With all that energy, ya know the boy is healthy. I loved it. Honestly, that child is so cute and fun.

It was such a joyous evening. I got sort of tiffed with Jim a few times. And I caught myself and began to reverence my husband. I long so to be an example of a godly wife and grandmother. Christine picked up on it and, oh, she got even sweeter to Johnny. She is really a sweet wife, anyway. Then we started to serve our husbands their supper. I dished Jim’s dinner up and Christine did John’s.

But it was like a dream I was in yesterday. Their home is right by the park I played at as a child. The home is in the neighborhood I grew up in. As I looked out the night window at the snow I could remember being, late in the evening, at the park at a sledding party when I was young. It was like I was a child again. I may have, as a kid, been in the home John’s family lives in now. I can’t remember but it is all so familiar to me.

After supper, John did some of the decorating and then Christine. Romeo did his many exercises? His whole body bounces like a ball. Christine took branches from the bottom of the tree and decorated the house. The smell of the tree was so refreshing and joyous. As she created different Christmas things with the branches, Johnny said, “Mom, Christine loves to decorate with all kinds of outdoor greenery.” Christine is a ruby and John is her protector.

Joy and Peace

Pretty soon, it was time for Jim and I to leave and let the little family enjoy a restful evening with each other. The snow was falling on the winter night and Papa and me had times of silence in the car. Then we would break out laughing over Romeo. Most of the time, I was purrrring like an old mother cat. Mama was happy inside as she could see for herself that all was well with her Johnny and his family. The peace in their home is so precious and joyous.

Christine had gotten a new sweater from the Salvation Army and she showed it to me in the kitchen. It was hand knitted and it was lovely! I had one on, too, that I had gotten at a garage sale. It was a dark wine color with cute white snowmen embroidered on it. It looked folksy and I love corny stuff like that.

It just felt like Christmas last night. Like it was a holy night. See, John was so hard to raise as a boy. Now it seems that he is put together with my prayers. Oh, we think God doesn’t hear our prayers but he does. We must ask Him for what we need so that we can receive from Him that our JOY will be full. I can hardly contain my JOY and peace this morning.

And Wild Man doesn’t work this morning and thank the Lord. Honestly, I have never seen so much snow. I love the snow but can you imagine it snowing almost every day, and it isn’t even Christmas yet. I have hung clothes on the line up until a week before Christmas, as the weather was often mild. Sometimes we didn’t even have snow until January. And here’s Wild Man delivering pizzas in the snow. Then, after work, he has to shovel the walk. Every day he went out, I am prayin’ like a hound dog. So today he is off work.

He told me he wanted to rest today but I know he won’t. So, like a fireman, I have to have on my “go someplace clothes” just in case he gets on fire and wants to go someplace. I mean, he is better than he used to be. The man used to want me to go with him to get a pack of smokes at the Smoke Shop. I have tried to gently remind him that I am the lady of the house and I have household things to attend to. I mean, if he wants to go someplace that will take some time, then I will go.

This morning, Wild Man will get up and sit in his chair in the living room. And he will tell me that he doesn’t want to go any place today — that he wants to rest. Then he will fill up the kerosene stove. Then, while he is on the porch getting kerosene, he will notice he has to shovel the walk. Then he will do that. Then he will tell me he had better turn the car on and let it run a bit to make sure it will start. Then he will come back in the house and say to me, “Do you have any place to go? The car is on.”

And I will say, “Honey, I thought you were tired and wanted to stay home.” And he will say he thought I wanted to go some place. That’s my “cue” to pretend I have some place to go. Because he wants to go someplace but he don’t want to admit it? Because he had just told me the night before that we were staying home tomorrow.

So, anyway, I have to get ready to go someplace this morning, even though my husband told me we were staying home. And I have to hurry and think of a place to go, as he will ask me where I want to go. And I don’t want to go any place but that’s beside the point. Well, I guess I could go to the store and get some more marshmallow cream, as I need to make some more fudge to give away for Christmas.

Anyway, I will cook this morning and have something hot and homemade to come home to for lunch. Probably, I will make something in the crock pot. Maybe bean soup. And I will make cornbread.