Dear Mothers,

After a night in prayer, this morning the Lord reminded me of when I was pregnant with Jimmy. I had to go to the Free Clinic for my check-ups. The doctors there would tell me I was very small and wondered if Jimmy would be premature. But in about my eighth month, a more experienced doctor checked me and said I was fine. He sat back in his chair and said, “You aren’t too small — you just carry your baby like a lady!” The Lord reminded me of this as I prayed this morning. And the Lord spoke to me about long suffering being a fruit of the Spirit. I mean we can pray day and night when we are pregnant but we won’t have our baby until the Lord says it’s time. It takes about 9 months and if he comes any sooner than that, the baby isn’t full term or ready.

In the beginning, folks who really know the Lord told me, “This may take a while with Mary.” Jill and MaryL, who are mature Christians, said that, too. But I thought, “Man, I can’t take this for 5 minutes, let alone a year or more.” I mean I hear so much teaching on Now faith. But that means you get the faith in your heart but the timing is God’s. And the Lord speaks to me, “Connie, don’t let the devil see ya sweat. Carry this burden like a lady.” Well I am tryin’, Lord!

Ya know we plant the Word in the ground. But we don’t want to leave it alone and let it grow. We run out and dig it up to see if it is growing, huh? But along with long suffering and patience, we need self control. I mean wouldn’t you hate to see a criminal comin’ at ya with confidence and a willingness to never give up? Well, as we become this way to Satan, we scare him to DEATH. He knows we are confident and orderly in our attacks on him. We are calculating and full of wit in battle. Smart, cutting edge, not skittish but “head strong.” Full of the Word in season and out of season. We carry a heavy burden but we carry it like a lady. We refuse to bow to the devil or give him a place in our hearts. We don’t have to bow and won’t. We come at our foe silently and slowly. Confident and full of self control. Our Sword is gleaming in the noonday Son. Our shield is our covering. We are not guilt ridden as the blood is our Salvation. We are covenant women. We are headstrong with a helmet of salvation. We are visionaries and our mind is full of His presence and our hair is wet with anointing. On our loins (our wombs) we are girt with truth. This concerns the teachings on Keepers at Home. Babies and submission to husband. Our feet are shod with the preparation of Gospel of peace. Now if you were the devil, wouldn’t you be afraid of a woman comin’ at you who looked like that? Well, we ain’t supposed to be afraid of the devil — he is supposed to be afraid of us. And as we fight the fear, we fight Satan’s control over us. And when we refuse to fear, we are home free.

As Mothers of faith, we must carry our burdens with grace from Jesus. I know so many will say, “Give your burdens to the Lord.” But as the scriptures say, when all the babies were killed under 2 years old when Jesus was born, the Mothers could not be comforted. Any Mother with a child who is being held captive by sin can’t just give her burdens to the Lord. All she can do is carry her burden like a lady. As a queen fighting for her people. She cannot be comforted until she sees His glory. Any Mother who is totally at peace over her wayward children won’t fight for them and won’t see His glory. Those who don’t weep for the lost have no value in God. Without passion, a war cannot be waged or fought. But the Lord is showing me to quit shooting off cannons and stand strong with the full armor, fully confident that the war set before us is hard, but God is harder.

We have marching orders from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He will fight our battles. Faith is the Victory that overcomes the world.

Love,
Connie

Dear Wives and Mothers,

Oh, so many of you have troubles in your marriage because of the church and religion. Also women are not priests. See, you have to go by the Bible, not by what the church says. I mean you may get it all to work out for ya. But if you want the mind of Christ, that is another story. Our husbands are the priests of the home, whether he is full of lust or he don’t read the Bible, or what not. He is the priest of the home. Eli was not a good priest but he blessed Hannah and she became pregnant. Eli was right part of the time. The worst thing and most dangerous thing that some of you are doing is taking spiritual authority in your home over your husband. DANGEROUS STUFF! I mean do you want to know the truth or do you want to go to church? Do you want a marriage or do you just want to play games with God?

In the past about 50 years, divorce has been granted over anything at all. But before that, you had a very hard time getting a divorce. In Ireland, divorce is illegal. Marriage is a holy union that is to bring you to Jesus. We must be ready to die for our marriages. We should be as martyrs to save our marriages at any cost.

Our example is not what did the church ladies do when their husband didn’t do the dishes. Our example is Jesus Christ. We are to submit willingly to our husbands, even to those who are unbelievers. The priest of the home who is the unbeliever still calls the shots. If he leaves the home, then let him leave. But if he remains in the home, then there is still hope for him. Some of us wives are bond slaves. Jesus paid a price for us to be free, but we won’t go. We are like Ruth who chose to stay. We are going to stay with our husbands no matter what. Even if he leaves us, or even if he is like Jim in heaven, we are bound to them. I can by Jewish law remarry. But this is not in my heart. I want to serve Jim by serving his children and grandchildren all of my life.

God wants us to serve Him and fight for His love as true servants of Christ. If we as wives can’t serve our husbands with passion and sacrifice, then what picture of our service to Christ do we have? If a woman says, “I love Jesus and I would die for Him. I will carry my cross and die daily to serve Jesus.” Then where is that example in her life? If you can’t serve a husband, you won’t serve God, either.

Many of you women are submitting to your pastor and not to your husband. We are to submit to the pastor that our husbands submit to. And only submit to the parts the husband obeys. It is not our job to be the Holy Spirit to our husbands. Pride tells us to boss our husbands.

If Jim ever got into my kitchen, I threw him out politely. I want a real man, not Mommy’s helper. Jim used to tell folks, “My wife won’t let me into the kitchen.” I mean he got there if I got too sick to wrestle him. But, no, if he tried to fix supper one night a week, I would have hated it. My homemaking is my business as keeper at home.

And I agree with Mz Violet that the Christians in the church should be judged by the church. And these believers have come to this church and want to be judged. And this is good. But if the wife goes to that church and her husband doesn’t, then the wife can’t go home and judge the husband by the same rules. Her husband isn’t even saved. And the wife is not the judge over her husband. The wife is not the spiritual head. And really she shouldn’t be going to church without her husband’s covering. I mean you can play games with God all ya want. And if your problems ain’t that bad, you will get away with all this church stuff. But if you are in some real trouble like [another lady on our group], you are going to have to go to the bare bones of Christianity. You will have to get to the blood and guts of the gospel. And the Word says that we as Christian wives are to act like Christ at the cross. (1 Peter 2 and 3) We are like Christian slaves.

Christian Feminism

Some of you ladies are judging your lives and your husbands’ lives with a backdrop of Christian Feminism. And if ya keep it up, your men will hate you. They will have a private life behind your back.

You are afraid to be a long suffering wife as you feel your husband will be one up on ya. You need to comfort your man as your king. Love him open-endedly. Not so he will do something for you. Love him as you love Jesus Christ. Abandon yourself unto your husband as unto the Lord.

If you put the church and their authority over the top of your husband’s authority, then he will hate you for it and he will hate your church. Don’t do that to a man. It’s heartbreaking to me that you would. To hell with what the world has to say about your marriage. Shut the door on the world and love your husband as a love slave to your true husband, Jesus Christ. Love your husband and want him as you do Jesus Christ.

Let your marriage bed be honorable and clean in God’s sight. Don’t dishonor your marriage bed with birth control. And pray when you are with your husband that your lovemaking will honor the Lord and glorify Him.

Well, Baby is here so I have to quit.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

A good friend of mine and I were talking on the phone a few days ago. She is a mother of a few children and is having a hard time figuring out submission to her husband. Her question was “How do you submit to a husband and tell him the truth at the same time when he is going the wrong way?” Well, we women of today don’t really understand having a servant’s heart. See, in the first books of the Bible, we had leaders like Noah and Moses. But most of the Bible characters that we take our teachings from were servants to ungodly kings in authority over them. Daniel and his friends did defy the king when they were asked to out and out defy God. But they were obedient daily, before that, to an ungodly ruler.

Our big acts of disobedience ain’t gonna be noticed if we are all the time fighting our husband’s authority. Sarah obeyed her husband again and again. She obeyed to be sold into adultery. Of course, God intervened on her behalf as she was chosen of God. And God will do the same for you. But we do have to earn our right to be heard. Not earn it from our husbands but from the Lord.

The Lord turns the heart of our husbands, not us. We do not win our husbands to the Lord or to His will by our words. We win them by our acts as told in the Word of God as Keepers at Home. Also as we reverence and praise our husbands. Just because we say “Yes Sir” and “No Sir” that isn’t obeying our husbands as unto the Lord. The Lord has to be first in our lives. The Marriage Covenant has to be what we put first. We obey and reverence our husbands out of our obedience to God.

In the case of the captain and the soldier, the soldier may know a lot more then the captain. The soldier may have the wisdom of God and have a Godly Mother praying for him. But when they go to war, the soldier can’t, all of a sudden, decide he is going to take over the battle and throw the captain in a foxhole. The soldier may BE RIGHT from his place of “seeing his” authority. But the soldier was not called of God to lead but to follow. And we women are called to follow as taught in the Word of God. We are absolutely not to take authority in our homes. As unknowing soldiers, we will cause much damage and will allow the spirit of deception to run rampant. You may be right on some things, dear soldiers, but being right in some of this stuff is not going to matter except maybe for the day. But you will win the battles daily and lose the whole dang war. And you will never get your battles over with — you will fight them daily until you die. Let go of that authority and let your husband make his own mistakes. See, as you hold authority over your husband, especially spiritually, you are unleashing witchcraft in your home.

Ya know yesterday’s writing about my driving? A lot of that was with tongue in cheek. But today I am not kidding you. I mean there is a wind of witches gathering as we speak. Who are they after the most? The HOUSEWIFE — the keeper at home. Don’t think that God is magically going to save you wives who used to be submissive and he will reward you. No way, lady! You either fight this thing to the end or give up and fall in your own grave.

Most of the men and women in the Bible were under the authority of unbelievers, including Jesus Christ. No one got to do what they wanted unless they were a King. Well, Jezebel got to do what she wanted, up to point. But that ol’ girl lived a short life and died a horrid death. No, dear heart, if you can’t submit to your husband, who you can see, you aren’t submitting to God who you can’t see.

A, this writing is not aimed at you. Several have asked me about submission to our husbands lately. Many of you are having a problem with it lately because of the heresy out there in Christendom is very strong right now. Deception is very strong right now. Do what is right. Cast the evil out.

Oh, there is a storm cloud brewin’ and the religious feminists are gathering. The worldly feminists aren’t dangerous — they are just plain foolish. But the religious feminists are the ones to run like h— from. They have power from Satan and they are after the housewife. They want to kill her husband and take her covering. They want to flush her out into the world where she has no protection.

Ya know I think we Keepers at home have the wrong picture of the submissive wife. I have seen a woman who I used to know. She didn’t even read the Word of God for herself. Her husband read it and interpreted it for her. Well, that’s OK to an extent. But she needs to read the Word, too. She is God’s daughter and He wants to fellowship with her. Now Mary, Jesus’ mother, didn’t go ask any man if it was OK that she was impregnated by the Word of God. Elisabeth disagreed with her husband. See, some women stand around in fear and say they are submissive wives. That is not a true virtuous woman. The true virtuous woman is a woman of great faith in God. She is enough in herself that she can submit to an ungodly husband. She trusts in God and His plans for her life.

Ya know I have told you in past writings of the vision I used to have of myself. I was a work horse always hitched up to a cart. I had blinders on and was under authority. The church ladies ran and were always loose in the meadow having a ball. I was always upset as I couldn’t run free like they did. But God had me bridled for a purpose. I didn’t like it but I have learned that this bridling was for a reason. Eventually, the other wild mares were caught and tied up in a crowded barn. They had no one special person to love them. They would never submit to a bridle, a place of dignity and purpose. No one man or woman has a right to say they can do as they want and they don’t have to answer to anyone. All of us as Christians will have to be willingly strapped to a place of dignity or we will be given up on and let out with the herd. We may run free all of our lives but we will miss God’s best for us.

You can’t shoot a gun without aiming. You may shoot the target accidentally but it’s doubtful. We must willingly lay down our lives to purpose and dignity with our families. We must fight the good fight to show our children how to do it. Our trials are not set before us to destroy us but to cause us to win a spiritual battle.

I used to say to God, “Lord, what are you going to do in my life?” He would say to me, “I don’t know until you act — until you decide what you are going to do.” God is waiting on us to act in either obedience or disobedience. Oh, sure, God has a purpose for us and our families. He calls us as women of God to special callings in the home. One of us may be stronger as a wife more then a mother. We may have a special gift to be a wife to an unsaved husband. But God can’t go over the top of our will and make us be a special wife. We may have this calling but we can abort this seed of truth in our hearts.

Most of us, I would say, don’t totally fulfill the great calling of God on our lives. Why? Because we become discouraged. Mostly we believe the lies of Satan. He tells us we will never make it and then we tell everyone we know, including our kids, that we will never make it. We tell all the neighbors and all our Christian friends that we will never make it in this life. Then we give everyone a list of reasons why we won’t make it. How our husbands will never amount to a hill of beans, and on and on we travel, telling everyone what the devil said about us. Well, we curse ourselves. And it’s all a pack of lies, anyway.

God gives us the truth on how to win an unsaved husband to the Lord. “But it takes too long, Lord.” But I am here to tell ya, sweetheart, it takes a lot longer disobeying God. We are called to long suffering. We are called to wait upon the Lord and trust in Him.

Any wife standing before her husband, in fear shivering in her boots, is not a picture of a virtuous woman. Ya know Jim told our boys many times as they got older, “Don’t ever mess with your Mother — you will be sorry you did.” It’s not because I was so tough but Jim knew that my God was going to get him if he didn’t take care of me and protect me as a good husband should. In everything Jim ever wrote, he wrote, “Men, take care of your families.” Wild Man learned that the hard way. Not because I prayed curses on him when he deserted me. But because I blessed him and loved him through his life as a rebel. I truly loved him and he felt comfortable enough to tell me his sins. I humbled myself before him and he humbled himself before me.

Now all of this didn’t come overnight, as you well know. But God did humble Jim over the long haul. And often, in the end, Jim would ask for advice from me. I didn’t give Jim unasked for advice. But there were times, in the past few years, that he would almost beg me to tell him what I thought about this or that. I felt very honored that he did ask me about what I felt. I mean day to day, I was able to say what I thought about surface stuff. But the big decisions, I let him make them. Often I would hug him as he was going out the door to work and I would whisper in his ear, “Give not thy strength to women or thy ways to which destroy kings.” I tried to let Jim pray about things and get a word from the Lord on his own. I mean you don’t want a pansy man who can’t think on his own. We train our men often as wives to do evil.

Many of you women are very powerful in God. When you go to swing that spiritual ax, you could knock out about a hundred folks you didn’t even mean to swing on. You need to control the spiritual part of yourself and be sure to aim at what you plan on killing. If you can’t shoot that spiritual gun and aim it right, then God won’t let you shoot it at all. God gives the spiritual power to the women He can trust. Those who know how to aim. To the women who will willingly stand still as the bridle is buckled around her. She will willingly stand still as the blinders are put upon her eyes. She is not afraid of the halter of dignity. She hears the voice of Jesus and obeys Him.

Many of us wives, we don’t hear GOD’S voice. We hear and obey Satan. He buckles you up with fear and tells you you won’t make it, and you obey him and fear. We are to resist evil and refuse to be tied up to it. Don’t let Satan rope you and gag you. We are to hear the voice of God. If we won’t take on the bridle of dignity and purpose, then how can Jesus lead us to Victory? If we won’t listen to our Father, then how will we find our purpose as Christian Wives and Mothers? It isn’t all up to God as we go around cursing our families. He may give us a command but if we are refusing His tug in our mouth to go left, then why do we blame Him? If we refuse His warnings and His voice, then why do we blame Him when things go wrong? And though a righteous man (woman) fall seven times, she will not be utterly cast down. That’s a part of learning the walk of the virtuous woman, is to fail. But we are not utterly cast down. Our scars make us tough.

Spiritual knowledge is better than natural strength. Our spiritual knowledge and spiritual strength, bridled under housewifery and wifely submission, is a powerful weapon of warfare. We are Covenant Keepers. God will not bless us outside of His Covenant. Inside His Covenant is peace and power. Inside the Covenant, we will see many miracles. The blood of Jesus is shed for His commands and Promises. If you want Him in on your family, then stand for His marriage Covenant. Many will do mighty works in His name that He will cast them out because they don’t know Him. His Covenant is nothing they fought for. They have ignored Him as they have ignored His Word. They refused to be bridled to serve Him.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Well, I have baby Olivia Rose (5 weeks) this morning. She is sleeping so I will have some time to write.

Mercy! I was watching Joyce M this morning and man alive. She is just out and out putting down the submissive wife. She says that a preacher tried to tell her that her husband should preach and she should be quiet at home. So her husband tried to preach and he didn’t know how. So she preached and won many to the Lord. And she told how the crowds followed her. None of what she said was backed up by scripture. She is getting her calling from looking at her experiences.

Ya know my daughter Christian Joy told me once over the phone — as she calls me often — she told me years ago, “Mom, anyone can get an audience. There are so many crazy people out there.” She told me that on the internet, you can sell about anything and someone will buy it. I have always remembered that. Just because a lot of people follow you, it don’t mean you have the truth. In fact, if crowds of women follow you in this sin sick world, it probably means you don’t have the truth. But it just galls me that so many women are following Joyce. And now so many women preachers are coming forth.

It bothers me that on Christian TV, there is no representation of the women of strength and dignity. I wish I could be on Joyce’s show and, man alive, I would tell it all. Let me tell ya. What bothers me a lot is the old church women on TV who are screaming at the young women to not live in an abusive marriage. It’s so sick. You get out of abuse by going against God’s word? The abuse starts in your own heart and must end there. You need to be built up in God. Getting a divorce isn’t going to change you inside. You will bring your tattered and torn personality into the next marriage, too.

Then Joyce has this woman on there who had a testimony of living in abuse and how she got out and happily married someone else. Oh, God help us. But when that woman was being abused, a Titus 2 Mother should have come to her from the church and showed her how not to be abused. Women who are so torn down are torn down to start with … without an abusive husband. And there are men this way, too. Some men are just battered by their wives but won’t say anything, as they don’t want to lose the home or children.

Letting yourself be abused is self destruction and it’s no one’s fault but yours. I feel like a fart in a storm again trying to write this stuff. Abused children are different as they don’t know how to get out of the situation — because they are children? But what are some of these women going to do when they reach heaven? Blame their lives on their husband? And then they think they will be excused because they didn’t trust in God?

Especially Christian women need to learn to love an abusive man. A Christian is called to love more, not less. We are to love our enemies and bless those who curse us. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord I will repay. God is to fight our battles for us. And most women in this age are abusing their husbands. The wife is to submit, but a man should not submit to an abusive wife. But when dealing with an abusive husband, you should know right from wrong and not submit to evil. You must be as Esther was before the King. You can pacify your husband but you have your own agenda with God in your heart. No one owns your mind except for God. These Christian women that have to be LARGE AND IN CHARGE don’t have the guts Esther had. They win a few battles but always lose the war.

“Oh, Father God, encourage and raise up true women of God in this hour as lights in this present darkness.” So many watching Christian TV are being led to Satan’s pit. Arise, oh daughters of Zion. Come forth, dear Daughters of a New Revolution!

Ya know no one in their right mind would ever publish this stuff I write about wife abuse. So I am glad I have my own group. I guess I publish it myself.

But ya know Lady preacher takes out the cross of Christ. She speaks of Christ at the cross. But no one ever speaks about the death of self. About crucifying the flesh as the Bible speaks of. Or taking up our cross daily and following Him. The death to self and the exaltation of Christ is the teachings in the Bible. No, what we have in the modern church is death to Christ and exaltation of self. Joyce teaches about the confident women. And God says our confidence comes as we abide in Him and crucify the flesh. We are not to exalt ourselves but we are to exalt Christ.

Many are scared spitless in this present day. With wars and rumors of wars, we are much afraid at times. And so people try to get a false sense of security by acting tough and trying to be confident. Well, Jesus is the conquering hero, not us. Let me tell ya somethin’, Darlin’, we are in a mess in our country. I don’t trust either party. I live daily with Jesus. Yes I get afraid. But each new day, I give my fears to Jesus and I wait upon Him.

We want quick fixes. If we do this and that, then we will be OK. We feel confident as someone gives us a formula for success. But it is not us who will take ourselves through but only Jesus. 1 Peter 2 and 3 says in the King James version that Jesus is the example to the abused wife.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I loved all the comments on the homemaking writings. Ya know, I do want to write about making our winter pantries coming up here soon. But for so many of you, I know that you need more writings against feminism so that you can be free to do your homemaking. Ya know, I was reading your email, too, Kim and Phillipa. Seems there is so much confusion in the world.

What the Lord has led me to do is to just stay with the marriage covenant concerning everyone around me and for myself. God said one man for one woman for life. I hung onto the marriage covenant and I hang onto it for those around me, too. I mean, I don’t care if it is the second marriage for you. I am hanging onto believing God for you and your second marriage. Well, not you Jill. But for most around me. I mean, I feel it is safe that way. I don’t want to sin by believing for a marriage that God hasn’t put His hand on.

The wise man or woman must build their house upon the Rock. The Rock is Jesus Christ and His Word. We as wives and mothers must build our lives upon the Rock and expect those around us to do the same thing. We can’t be speaking out of what we see but only what we believe.

I plan on loving and submitting to Jim’s memory for the rest of my life. I just want to be free to help mine and Jim’s children. I don’t want to give another man what Jim and I built together. But, of course, you younger widows on here may feel different and need a husband and father for your children. I sure understand that. And you are free to marry only in the Lord.

But ya know, that Brandon has been a stinker. Everyone says, “Well, tell Mary to divorce him.” Well, ya know, I don’t know the whole story. So I am not going to worry about it. I am going to hang onto the covenant. And if Brandon is truly without hope, then God will kill him. But ya know, Jim and I prayed over Mary and Brandon getting married and we felt it was the Lord’s will. They wanted to marry when Mary turned 18 and Brandon was 25. Brandon was a steady worker and had his own home and kept the lawn mowed. Brought Mary home always on time at 10:00 on weekends and 8:00 during the week. So we felt it was a good thing. Brandon said he knew the Lord and that marriage was for life and so did Mary. We all agreed together for God to bless them. So now that all hell has broken loose, I have felt like a chicken with her head cut off. But my only stability is to stay on the Marriage Covenant and let God do the rest. And ya know, if any husband is truly worthless, God can take them off the earth. He knows how. But I am not going to start changing the ground rules in my life because the daughter of my broken heart isn’t walking right with the Lord and neither is Brandon.

Jill and Dixie and I prayed for Mary to be born for 10 years. We knew I would have a Mary Elisabeth. I thought I would have her in April of ‘75 but I had Johnny. He is exactly 10 years older than Mary. Then I thought I was having Mary and I had David and then Dan, and finally Mary. Not that I wasn’t thrilled to have my boys, as I was so happy to have them and they bless me every day. But as Jill and Dixie and I prayed, we knew that I was to have Mary Elisabeth. And she was to be named after Mary, Jesus’ Mother, and Elisabeth. We knew that she would be used mightily of God. I really believe that she is a prophetess of God.

Phillipa, I remember when Jim was at his worst. Gone — heck, I didn’t know where he was. And Jill was in the kitchen late at night and I was upstairs prayin’. And God told me, “Jim will be a later day prophet.” I think this will come through my later in life writings now that he has passed. But I hold onto that vision of him and this is why I would never give up on my marriage. Like the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, I will do Jim good all of my life, not his life.

But see, Phillipa, the devil wants me to give up on Mary and use my authority against God.

Trail Blazers

And ya know, Wendy? All of us mothers can tell from your writings that you are a godly, righteous wife and mother. You are like St. Monica and you raised your boys for Christ. You were faithful to be there for them and to homeschool them, even though we know it was hard financially to do it. Don’t think for a moment that God won’t reward you. I know those boys are rascals and your heart is broken for them. And the people around you are living in such sin. But, Wendy, you are a faithful wife and mother and you don’t have to bow down to any of this — and Phillipa and Alane, too. Well, so many on this group are faithful to God.

I mean, I know the way gets rough. But see, if we give up on God and His promises to deliver us and our children, then we swing our authority over to the devil’s side. Then Satan takes our authority and uses it against us.

Ya know, Wendy, I had a perfect friend with perfect children when I homeschooled. She and her husband live this perfect life and she had boys our boys’ age. Well, her boys went on to Bible college after high school and my boys got into smokin’ cigs and doing tattoos and pierceings. I laid on my bed in heart brokeness and cried my heart out. So I know how you feel. But everyone’s kids aren’t called of God at the same time. I am telling you girls something. In this world, the devil ain’t playin’. Unless you plan to be a bulwark for God, then just throw in the towel now. This Perfect Christian family I will call the Joneses didn’t have really the faith I had. I had to believe God for books each home-school year and the Joneses had all the money they needed.

I was so brokenhearted when my boys didn’t go to college. But see, God has called my boys as warriors for Him. They have a different calling. Even though my boys moved out at about 19, I am still heart schooling them as their Mother of faith. And they love their Mama. Dan still calls me Mama. My boys have disagreed with me but have never talked back to me. Well, Jimmy, our oldest son, has and John told him to knock it off.

My boys drink and they never saw Jim with any alcohol in his hands ever. Jim wouldn’t hardly take a drink of my Christmas Cordial. Jim quit drinking many years ago and never touched it again. Christian Joy’s Jason doesn’t drink at all, either. But, Wendy, ya know, Dixie used to have to take all those beer cans back to the store, too. She had more faith then anyone I knew. But don’t worry about it — just believe God that they are soda pop cans.

I don’t know why I even write all of this to you, Wendy, as I know you will obey God to the end, anyway. But I just want to encourage you and give you and Phillipa a high five. You girls just hang it there by faith. God knows His stuff.

I want to end this writing with a quote from Ralph Emerson. “Don’t go where the path may lead, but go instead where there is no path and LEAVE A TRAIL.” My Ladies on this group are trailblazers and I am so proud of all of you.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

The phone rang this morning. “Mother, the barbarians have landed.” It was Christian Joy telling me that John and David had made it to NYC. Last night the Yeah Yeah Yeahs played at a concert along with other bands like the Sonics. Anyway, Christian Joy is the Yeah Yeahs’ personal clothes designer. So the boys (David, Dan, and John) got to sit at the V. I. P. table. Last night, I had Tiff, Christine, and the grandbabies over for supper. Anyway, the boys kept calling on cell phones back to their wives to tell them what famous people they were sitting by. Christian Joy said the boys were such a hit with all of her friends. Well, they all look so much alike. John and Christian look like twins almost. And Dan and David look so much alike. Joy’s friends said that the boys make twenty of her. Chrissy said, “Mom, if the boys didn’t like someone, they told them to their face.” Oh, man, what a riot! NYC will never be the same. As the mother of this group, I feel like a fart in a storm.

I woke up sort of queasy this morning. So I decided to watch this movie on TV? It was “Analyze This.” It was about this psychiatrist that was trying to counsel this guy in the mafia. The shrink was a mild mannered guy and got in all this trouble with the mafia. It was a comedy but at first I wasn’t laughing. Then I could see myself as the shrink and boy, could, I relate. I started to laugh and laugh and then I actually ate something. I can hardly eat at times. I mean, I had better laugh!

Actually, nothing signifies my life as much as I describle myself as the fart in a storm. I am a puzzle piece that does nothing right but I try to hold still and not move and, by faith, I see the pieces move into place.

Joy and I talked about the terrorists and how twenty-four of them tried to take ten planes down just a few days before the boys got on the plane to go to NYC. But I told Joy, “Ya know, Joy, what Dad and I tried to teach you kids is to just always keep treading water. Keep the faith and keep on going.” Because, ya know, it looks like we are heading for WW3, no matter who is in power, the Democrats or Republicans. I said to her, “Ya know, Papa and me kinda raised you kids different.” And we talked about how family meant so much and how ya don’t give up on family. I said that Dad and I were Christians but not really the church kinda Christians. But that you had a personal relationship to Christ. Not religion but Christ and a personal walk with Him.

For one thing, Papa in the beginning, before Christ, was such a con artist. He could smell a con a mile away. The only way to ever reach some of these gangsters is through the heart and soul. Through loving them when everyone else has given up on ‘em. But you try to take them to church and they hear a sermon on “give me your money” and they laugh their heads off. They won’t get serious in a church like that. They will play with preacher like a cat plays with a mouse before they eat them.

If we need to do anything in the Christian world at this point, it is to Get Real! If you don’t want to die for your faith, you better bail now. Hard times are about us and it looks like harder times are coming. The times of the Billy Graham crusades are over. They were great in their time. But at this point, the Lord is calling warriors to His army. The spiritual battles are fired up about us. And our country battles on many sides. We as Mothers in His army need to teach our children faith and courage. How to do the hard things in faith.

I told the girls last night, “I pray that I am an example to you in how I take care of Mary. Because when Baby Rose and Romeo get older, times will be harder than now.” Tiff said that her and David were just talking about that. I try to talk to the girls a lot and impart my faith to them. Tiff is due to have their baby next month. They will call him David James.

Dolly Madison Ministry

Ya know, Dolly Madison was the wife of James Madison. He was one of the first presidents and founding fathers of our country. Anyway, Dolly, his wife, opened her home to the great patriots of the day so that they had a good place to have a meal and be able to relax and talk. Her home is where many great ideas were birthed. She had a heart for America and knew that the men of the hour needed a place to talk. Otherwise, they had to go to the taverns, as these were the only meeting houses, and it wasn’t very private. When the British were coming, it was Dolly who saved the picture of George Washington just before the White House was burned.

But, ya know, we as housewives can be like Dolly. I try to have simple suppers with my daughters-in-law and often the whole family. I try to make a place where we can talk and impart strength to each other. Where the ideas and the communication can flow. We mothers need to make places where we can talk and feel at ease. Not a place to call anyone out on the carpet — NO! Even if the grandchildren don’t want to eat, I don’t care. I am not here to dictate who eats what. I tell the girls, “Don’t worry about it. Do what ya want.” They are good mothers and know what their own kids’ need. If I get the children something special for a treat and they don’t like it, I could care less. I am not here to make people do what I want. I have invited the kids over to be able to enjoy them and that’s all. And then when all the falderal is out of the way, we can eat leisurely and talk. We can take our iced tea outside and watch the children play in the yard. We are at peace and can express our thoughts, etc.

But our kids need a place to be able to have a nice meal and to be able to express what they think. Young people love big salads and spaghetti and bread. It’s easy food to fix and to eat simply. In this age, a lot of young families need the counsel of us older Christians. They need to see us in crisis. We have a lot of valuable things to pass on to them. Also, I need my kids — they keep me young and keep me in the know as to what folks their age worry about.

I mean, now more then ever, in these hard times, we need to open our homes as homemakers to give the common person a place to relate and to communicate their thoughts. TV tells you very little. But the youth of our day will tell you what’s eating them if you give them a place to tell you. Even to just have sandwiches and a salad or soup. I mean, don’t make it a big meal that wears you to a frazzle and you then don’t have time to be crisp and perky and alive with conversation when they get there. The meal isn’t the major event but the personal relationship and thoughts spoken between you is what matters.

We older Mothers need a place to express courage and faith in a simple way over a simple meal. A place to impart our spirits to our loved ones. But, mostly, a place where our older children can express themselves and unwind their thoughts in peace.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Well, Mary got through her operation OK. I was at the hospital most of the day. I may stay home today unless she calls me.

I got to prayin’ on the drive home. I said, “Lord, I just feel like giving up and not even praying against this Lane in Mary’s life.” Of course, the Lord told me to stay on the covenant of Marriage. I said, “Well, Lord, Lane seems to want to care for Mary and Brandon don’t.” And the Lord said again to stay on the covenant. Then He said, “Well, you don’t have anything else to do. It’s not like you got another job and don’t have time to pray.” Oh, I thought that was so funny. So, well, I guess I do have a job of prayin’ for Mary. I am just letting her go. I am not going to argue with her. If she goes to live with Lane, I can’t stop her. The Lord will have to stop her.

But I need a good free Christian lawyer. Does anyone know one? Mary tells me that now she will get 30 days in jail because she never went to court when she was supposed to. In fact, she didn’t go to court twice and might have two sentences of 30 days in jail. But it would kill her as she is prone to staph infection. And they don’t take care of you in jail. And the jails are dirty. I thought the jails were better now but Colleen was telling me they are worse. Well, jails were always worse then prisons. But if you are prone to staph infection? But, anyway, people with money don’t have to go to jail, no matter what they do. But I can’t have Mary back in jail. So if anyone knows of a lawyer to help us, please let me know, OK?

Anyway, what I want to write about this morning is to stay on the Covenant of Marriage.

Ya know, we are living in such hard times. For so many of us, our world is so shaken. But what is sound beneath our feet is our God. Our God is not shaken and not worried. He is the same yesterday today and forever. Yes, our nation is at war. And we may get into another war, a Third World War. But we must remain strong and steady and not get off the word of God. Because who do we have to turn to except Him? This world, at this point, is gasping for air, clinging to driftwood in a rushing river. If we get off the Word of God, we will be there, too. No matter how hard times get, we have to cling to the Old Rugged Cross. It is the only stability that we have in this world. And it’s hard sometimes to cling to the Promises of God. Satan is always there trying to help us escape from the Lord’s commandments.

Yesterday, Mrs Trecek came down to the hospital to sit with me. She is 79 and an old family friend. Oh, what a doll! Her daughter Evie won me to the Lord when I was 19. Anyway, Mrs T. said, “Connie, you seem to be doing well. I thought you would fall apart over Jim’s death and never get back up.” But I told her, “No, I am at peace.” I told her that my home gives me so much rest and peace and it does.

I loved Papa so much and he is always with me, as Jesus and the angels are. Even Mary is so at peace, as she knows Jim is always in heaven watching us. The boys say that they dream of him often and talk to him in their dreams. Johnny said, “Mom, it is a gift from God that you are so at peace about Dad.” I think it is because Jim and I were so close and I just know he is OK. I just have a “knowin’” that he is with me.

I stayed on the Marriage covenant and it has served me well. I know I had the choice to run over the wall. But I chose to remain here and stay with this Marriage Covenant and to honor Jim all of my life. It’s a peace and stability. It is a gift that keeps on giving.

I keep getting distracted, as Mary keeps calling from the hospital. Anyway, where was I? I was trying to say, I guess, to stand up for the Lord, especially when your boat is rockin’ and reelin’.

Yesterday, as Mary laid upon the gurney waiting to go into the operating room, the nurse said to me, “You two must be mother and daughter, you look so much alike.” I said, “Yes, we are.” Mary told me later, “Mom, you look so young.” I guess it is because I have Mary’s look as I intercede in prayer for her day and night.

My heart continues to call out to God on Mary’s behalf. Calling upon the Covenant. “Lord, you promised that all of my children would be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace.” His word is so sound and so lasting. As the nurse came out to get me in the waiting room, she called for the mother of Mary Elisabeth. What a name and what a girl chosen for God! Now, as Mary uses the Lord’s name in vain, it breaks my heart. She is bitter and hurt and I am sent to comfort her in her pain and confusion. And why shouldn’t it be me? I am her Mother.

I stand in peace with God, so glad to have had a good marriage for many years. I know His faithfulness and also the world and its confusion. I had to learn slowly, as a new Christian, all of the pitfalls of the world and taking the easy way out. It is never worth it — no, never. The world has nothing to offer us but an empty shame.

I do cry and suffer for my girl. I have cried this morning. But I am also comforted by the Holy Spirit. Last night, I dreamed I was in a tigers den and the tigers were laying beside me. But they never harmed me. We as Christian Mothers are cast down but never forsaken. When I see this Truth, it is so big in me.

I look at this e-machine and I think, “I have so much to write about this.” Yes, we as believers go through trials but we are in a place where God keeps us. Nothing happens to us except it’s run by our Father first. As for the unbelievers, they are just “out there.” But for the believer — oh, yes — the hairs on our head are counted. All of our tears are in a golden vile. They are precious to Him. He never leaves us or forsakes us.

When I talked to Mary this morning, she said that before she left, the jail made her put everything she touched in a garbage bag. Even the mattress on her cot, her pillow, and everything. Yes, I can sure thank the Lord for staph infection. But poor Mary, so sick, and had to roll up her mattress and stuff it in a bag. Yes, the way of a transgressor is hard. But I tell Mary I am her mother and take no joy in her suffering. I walk with Mary through the valley of the shadows of death. I am a sinner, too. I just want to say to Jim, “Oh, Papa, I am watchin’ over your Baby and treating her as I did you. I expect to see the Lord’s glory in her, as I saw in you.”

Oh, dear Mothers, ya know what? The great cloud of witnesses in the Bible never tried to encourage anyone who didn’t want it. But we who stand upon His word as we stand in a hard place — the cloud of witness is there for us. As we suffer in a quiet faith, He is with us. When our lives stand in a dark place and it seems that the devil has proved to us that all hope is gone, REJOICE FOR YOUR REDEMPTION draws nigh. Faith is not real unless you can cry out, “I believe, God” when there is no hope or any physical reason to have hope. We stand in a darkness and shout into the silence, “He is my God who supplies all of my needs according to His riches in glory. I will not be ashamed when I sit in the gates with my children.”

I raised Mary for Jesus as a child. And I will not throw away my confidence in Him. No matter what Mary says to me that hurts me, at the end of every phone call, she says, “Mom, I love you. I love you with all of my heart.” And I say, “I love you, Betsy.” (Her nickname.)

I think of Mother Monica and St. Augustine this morning.

Mother Monica

Ya know, I know this writing today speaks to so many mothers. So many are called as Mother Monica was called. Her husband was not saved all through her marriage except at the end. He was a wicked man. And yet Monica was an example of faith to all who knew her. As she walked in the gates, she told the other women to be in submission to their own harsh husbands. And she was called and set apart to pray for her son. And ya know what? St. Augustine was no small wonder. His teachings on Christianity were what built the Christian faith. And ya know he had a mistress and an iillegitimate child. He was the pits. But his Mama never gave up. I mean, she didn’t just once in a while breathe a prayer for him. She was dedicated to him to bring him to the Lord. And I think of Suzanna Wesley who brought revival to England through her sons.

Elisabeth raised John in the wilderness to pave the way for Jesus to come. And, of course, Mary raised Jesus to be the Son of God. Well, He was the Son of God, anyway. But Mary was chosen of God to raise him. God didn’t pick just any woman out there who happened to be standing around with nothing better to do. The fruit of our womb is precious. Hannah mourned for Samuel to come forth. These Mothers in Israel have a burden for their people. And automatically, it seems, they birth prophets and kings for his glory. They don’t get to be holy mothers from going to church but they are called of God. They are mothers who automatically mother and nurture the body of Christ. And from their lives, and because of their lives, they produce either children or husbands for Jesus. It’s their holy calling and all of their gifts surround producing men and women for Christ.

And many are cutting edge Mothers and know that we live in very hard times. It is not the time of the Billy Graham ideas, etc. And, yes, he was a powerful man of God in his time. But our society has swung into a hell that I hope is the worst we will see, but probably not. We as Monicas had better know the signs and the seasons. And the children we raised for Jesus are precious to Him. But some are not raised for God because they are 12 or 18, or whatever magic age we decide the kid is hopeless at if he don’t read his Bible. Jesus stayed at home with his folks until he was, what, 30?

I was so careful over Mary. I loved her so and taught her the Word of God. Now she wants to sleep with a man who isn’t her husband. And I told her go ahead. I have to give my burdens on the Lord. I have to lay my Issac on the alter. But it ain’t all over until the fat lady sings. I am not afraid of Mary’s mistakes. I can stay in her presence and look Lane in the face. For greater is He in me than He who is in the world. Of course, Lane can’t touch Mary unless he likes staph and maybe this other rash she has goin’ on that they can’t figure out. I mean, thank God for staph. I know that if Mary would turn back to God, all of these diseases would leave her. But like Sarah who was taken by the King, she was protected and all of the King’s house was in danger of being sterile.

The Shepherd’s “staff.” Thy rod and thy staff do comfort me. The Lord is good!

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

This writing has been on my heart for two days. I didn’t want to write it, feeling that the ladies who are on a second marriage would think I didn’t believe in their marriage. I talked it all over with Aunt Toot. She knows I would fight for her on her second marriage as much as I did when she was married to Sitting Bull. I just feel we need to stay where we are. Like Aunt Toot says, “You can’t unscramble eggs.” All of my friends are on second marriages except for my friend Rose and me. But, anyway, I think this writing is more for Jen and me to give us direction.

The Lord has been having me study the book of Ruth in the Bible. The Lord shows me throughout scripture that, as a woman stays in her covenant of marriage, He is able to bless her. Naomie was Ruth’s mother-in-law. Naomie lived in Moab with her two daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah. All three of these women had become widows and Naomie wanted to go back to her hometown of Bethlehem-Judah. So the daughters-in-law were from Moab and Naomie told them to go back to their own families, too. Orpah kissed Naomie but Ruth CLAVE to her. Ruth wanted to go with Naomie. Ruth was young and was free to remarry as the law said she was free. But Ruth was the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 that said she would honor her husband all of her life, not his life. Ruth sensed that Naomie’s God was the true God and not the false god of Moab. And as Ruth served Naomie as the true wife of her husband, then Ruth’s life was taken care of. She was faithful to her marriage covenant. And God saw her and He knew that Ruth needed a husband. And the Lord was with Naomie and she could see that Ruth needed to remarry. And so she gave Ruth to Boaz. And in this, Ruth became the mother of Obed who was the father of Jesse who was the father of David. Ruth took her part in the lineage of Christ. There was a blessing in Ruth’s faithfulness to her first husband. And her faithfulness led her to the place of rest after losing her husband.

The Lord sets the solitary in families. Psalms 113:9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house and to be a joyful mother of children. Satan had taken all of these three widows’ husbands from them and they never would have had any more children. Or had any chance to be keepers at home again. But through Ruth’s obedience to stay with Naomie, even though she had the right to leave, she brought prosperity and joy to herself and Naomie. Naomie became the nurse for Obed. And Naomie’s friends said, “Blessed be the Lord who has not left you this day without any kin.” And they said about Obed, the new baby grandson, “He shall be unto thee a restorer of your life, and a nourisher of your old age. For Ruth who was better to you than seven sons has bore him.” And Ruth saved the day with her faithfulness to her marriage covenant. She could have left but instead she stayed in her covenant marriage and served her husband’s mother. And then she and Boaz continued to care for Naomie all of her life. So even though Ruth remarried, she was still honoring her covenant with her first hiusband as she was blessing her mother-in-law.

Ruth was a blessing to all around her and she blessed the lineage of Christ. She was a covenant keeper. On the day of her marriage, she promised to be faithful unto her death.

The whole Bible is a book of covenants. Our true God is a God of covenants. He decides and acts through His promises to His people. That if we promise to do “this and that” He will reward us. And God gave us a way out to get divorced because of the hardness of the heart. But do we want to stand before God and say, “I divorced because my heart was so hard as I had no other choice.” We are not to have hardened hearts but hearts of flesh. Hearts of love and forgiveness, hearts easily entreated. Hearts that can be reasoned with. Our Christian society is so seemingly unconscious to the marriage covenant of God.

The Marriage Covenant

Esther stayed under the authority of her husband the king and her Uncle and saved the Jewish Nation. She became the queen of Persia.

When Sarah was sold by her own husband to the king, she could have used this as a way out of her life on the road sleeping in a tent. But Sarah was a covenant keeper and she prayed and chose to be with Abe and his tent rather than to stay with a king in a palace. She didn’t quit because her husband lied on her. And had she quit, she never could have had her baby, Issac, in her old age.

Most all of the women God used in His Word were barren and had to pray to become pregnant. God called them to have children but they couldn’t in the flesh. They had to pray and not give up. Satan wanted them to give up and run out on the marriage promise. And had they done that, they would have lost their chance for a supernatural birth. And, for some, to be in the lineage of Christ. Hannah had every reason to give up and not pray for a baby and to run away from her husband. But she didn’t run. She stayed and waited on God. And God gave her the desires of her heart. He gave her Samuel whom she gave back to God and God blessed her with five more children.

God blesses the wife and mother who will honor her marriage covenant. The church will tell ya that as long as you give money, you will be blessed. But God looks on the heart and He moves by His covenants. He will bless the faithful wife and mother that won’t run out when things get tough at home. And you dear ladies on your second or third marriages. Please be faithful now and do right concering your second or more marriage. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Declare openly that you will be faithful to your second or third marriage covenant.

What bothers me is women on a second marriage trying to get everyone else to divorce. They make a god of the second marriage and try to get all the women who are faithfully suffering through a hard marriage to be like them and divorce and remarry. This is plain ignorance of the Holy Scriptures and knowlege of the marriage promise. Throughout the Word, without exception, those Christian women who stood on the marriage covenant through hard times were abundantly blessed in the end. Barren mothers in the Bible who didn’t give up on marriage or children were Sarah and Rebecah. Rachael, Samson’s Mother, Hannah. Also the women that Elijah helped and Elisabeth, to name a few. These Mothers were faithful to the end. And they raised their children under the marriage covenant of peace.

Mark the righteous wife and mother for her end is peace and prosperity. And all of her children will be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace. And if we are faithful to the Lord and His commandments, then blessings will come upon us. We will be blessed in the city and in the country. We will have many children and plenty to feed them. Our ground will be blessed and our wombs. We will be happy as we trust in the Lord.

Jen, I am praying for you as a young widow. You are doing well and just stay faithful to God. And He will bring you rest, either through another husband or through something else. But He will give you rest. He is the God of peace and rest. Just continue to be faithful as you care for your children. You are honoring Richard as you are so diligent to care for his and your children. You are doing well, Jen, and the great cloud of witnesses are clapping for you. They are shouting, “Richard is with us and he is proud of you.” Your path to victory, Jen, is to just keep going as you have been in a faithfulness to Richard’s children. You are honoring your marriage covenant and a blessing of hope and peace and prosperity is coming. All of your children will be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace. Rest comes, Jen. Weeping may last for the night but JOY comes in the morning.

Love,
Connie

This morning, I was praying for Mary and Brandon. The Lord has encouraged me lately in my prayers. I have been breaking through and the clouds that would not rain are breaking up and mercy drops are beginning to fall.

Sometimes the Lord will allow us to see into the spirit realm to give us strength to pray. This morning, the Lord showed something very clear in the spirit realm. I was praying and fighting in the spirit. I was praying for Mary and Brandon and I could see a cloud over them, and I kept praying against it. And a demon spoke to me very plainly. He said, “Well, we were called to come here and to speak curses and lies over Mary and Brandon. We were told that God was planning to use them for His glory.” This little imp spoke as though he was commanded to be there in that Satanic cloud and that I had no right to tell his gorup to leave.

I spoke to those demons and told them that I was a child of God and that He who lived in me was greater then Satan in the world. And that at the name of Jesus every knee would bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. And I overcame these demons as I reminded them of the blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony and that I loved not my own life unto death. And the Lord showed me the great cloud of witnesses. He showed me that Satan’s counterfeit for the cloud of witnesses are the dark clouds of condemnation that comes against us believers. The Bible says that Satan stands before the Father and condemns the believers day and night. But the Lord has the cloud of witnesses spoke of in Hebrews 12:1.

Also the Lord spoke to me about the scriptures about raising a child in the way they should go and when they are old they won’t depart from it. The Lord is saying in this that the Mother who raised them who is a believer will never give up on them until they are saved. Yes, some kids learn quicker than others. But that scripture is putting confidence in the mother and her faith. God is counting on her to never give up, no matter what. Yes, you are to raise your children for Christ and continue to pray for them all of their lives.

The Lord has shown me that Satan planned on taking Mary and Brandon because I have been preoccupied with grieving over the death of Jim. Satan just went in for the kill. But, see, I think especially we who homeschooled our kids get so surprised when things don’t go right with them. But I think, actually, they are walking targets. It’s obvious that they will be used of God. Satan sees that. They were given to God, obviously, as He called a Christian mother to teach them the word of God. She wouldn’t even allow her babies into public school. She protects and prays for them as Hannah did. Then she gives them to God.

Then Satan comes in and sends all kinds of lies and accusations against this child. And the trick, above all, is to get the mother who taught them to fold and curse the day she had children. Satan gets her to give up and to use her own authority against herself. She changes her mind about homeschool and no birth control. Why didn’t she just have 2 kids instead of 6? Why didn’t she divorce early in her life and find a decent man to raise her children? So Satan wears the mother down — the mother who had started out with such confidence. He gets her to throw away her confidence that had a great reward. She quits and gives up and she loses her children and her own life. Homeschooling the children is just half the battle. But for your own sakes, dear mother, dont give up.

Whatever kid is driving you to drink, just plow into him with both barrels. Don’t let him take your life and his own life, too.

Honestly, this thing with Mary and Brandon has been almost worse than Jim dying. Not only did I lose my husband but Satan has tried to murder me with heartache over Mary. The devil has tried to kill me with a broken heart. People do die of a broken heart. But the Lord has come to bind up the broken heart and to set the captive free. The Lord tells me it will be step by step out of this hell but it will come. As I lay brick on brick, the Lord is leading me out into the light.

Last night, I talked toToot on the phone and I said, “If I had it to do over again, I would never have even married, let alone had kids.” Of course, I wasn’t saying that from my heart. But it’s how I felt. And I often tell people had I only had Jimmy, our first son, everyone would have thought I was a genius. But, no, I had to go ahead and have more kids and show them I was nuts.

Like Jimmy told me yesterday, as we sat and talked, “Mom, I have never smoked a cigarette in my life or done any drugs. I have made something of my life. I drink once in a while socially but not much.” He is the faithful son among the prodigals. Me and my merry band of children drive this guy nuts. I talk at Jimmy. Always trying to hide most of what goes on as he trys to dig it out of me. He trys to take care of me and tell me the obvious. As I look at him in a blank stare, I am thinkin’ “A fool has said in his heart there is no God.” Jimmy is politically correct and one of these days, through my prayers, he will see how futile this is.

But, see, Satan can’t destroy us as faithful wives and mothers. He puts these family members in our paths and, as we pray for them, we are set free. No mother is going to have joy if her kids are hurting. I don’t care how spiritual she is. Nehemiah was greived over his people and he helped them to go rebuild their wall.

Dear Mothers,

This evening, Jimmy (age 39) our oldest son and his wife Alecksondra and their little baby will be here. We will all gather at my folks for supper. The kids around here and their families will be there, too. My Mom is making Tacos and I will bring my macaroni salad. Then for the 4th we will all go to my brothers who lives on an acerage. And John will shoot off firecrackers for all of us to see.

July 4th is John’s Christmas! He presents the whole thing as if he is on stage. He introduces himself like he is a Show Host. And then he proceeds to blow things up. The explosives fly through the air and are way too much for the area. And the debris falls from the trees right on people’s heads. Makes me wanna cry to just think of it.

Jimmy hasn’t been home for July 4th in many years so he will love all of this. Alecks, who is much more sophisticated then the rest of us, will say to Jimmy, “Jim, I have a headache — can we go home?” About the time things that are on fire start coming through the trees? Hmm, it ain’t gonna be pretty. There is a big difference between the people who were brought up on the East coast and the ones who live in the Heartland. Alecks is very educated, too. People from the East are a lot more sophisticated. Jimmy, who is a wild and crazy Hultquist, acted like he came from the East to get Alecks to marry him; then he showed his true self.

One time at Thanksgiving at our house, Jimmy and his new wife of about a year were just getting out of the car to come into the house. It was pretty cold out and a bit muddy in the yard. As Jimmy was getting out of the car, the brothers threw Jimmy to the ground to wrestle him in the mud. Jimmy, at first, was taken by surprise but then really got into it and had fun. His poor wife stood in shock and kept screaming, “Jim, get up — you are a married man!” She almost had a anxiety attack. Jimmy just kept on goin’. Pretty soon, the aunts and uncles were coming. My sister-in-law runs in the house and says, “Connie, you better go get those boys. The neighbors will call the police.” I am, of course, in the house workin’ like a dog to get the meal on and wasn’t about to go out and make my boys be good. Jim thought it was funny so he didn’t stop ‘em. My sister-in-law told her daughter, “Those boys need a time out, right, Ashly?” She was brought up in a houseful of girls so she had never seen such crazy goin’ on before.

Aunt Toot used to just about croak at my house. I would be serving coffee as if all was well. And Dan and David would be wrestling in the living room. Toot would say, “Connie, won’t those boys get hurt?” Heck, I didn’t even notice them.

Jimmy invited us all to his wedding in New Jersey in 1998. What a riot! Jimmy told his guests that we weren’t his real family — he had just rented us to make people think he was a wild and crazy guy. They played music from the 1950s for the wedding dance. Dan ran and jumped over Christian Joy’s head, and she is about 5 ft 9 or 10 inches tall. Well he did that among other things.

My Mom used to have nightmares after coming to my house for dinner. For one thing, my little kids were always playin’ under the table. And Mom would be talkin’ to me and then she would lift up the tablecloth, look under the table, and say, “Are you sure you want those kids under there?” One time I wasn’t watchin’ the kids and Mom asks for a fork to eat her pie? They brought her a B-B-Q fork. I didn’t even notice it. But later in the week, she brought me over a new set of silverware, as she thought I had lost mine. After that, she expected all of my silverware to match on the table. But I had the kids set the table and I just wanted all of the dishes to be clean and in order. Matching silverware was beyond me. Just before Mom and Dad would come in, I would tell the kids, “Make sure Grandma and Grandpa’s silverware match.” Well, the kids would do unreasonable things with my silverware!

And ya know, if the back end of the house didn’t blow off and Papa could still put food on the table, he thought all was well. His view of all is well was a far sight different than the norm. What made our lives really hilarious is that I was so overwhelmed, in the summer especially, and I would just go ahead and submit to anything Wild Man came up with. I mean, most women will try and talk their husbands out of some things. But, heck, I didn’t have time to do anything but keep truckin’.

After Jim got saved, I had 3 more children in about 5 years. Jimmy had joined the Navy and called home collect from Guam and other countries. We had phone bills of $500 a month. Jimmy would send the money to pay for it after the phone company was ready to shut the phone off. We were always runnin’ like hound dogs to the phone company with a check, yellin’ “Don’t shut it off — we have the money!” It was always in the nick of time. As our whole lives were spent in the place called “Nick of Time.” Once, when Jimmy had just gone into the Navy, he didn’t call or write. I called the Navy and asked where he was. He tells me later, “Mom, you are supposed to go through the Red Cross to get ahold of an enlisted man.” They had gone into Jimmy’s barracks with “Seaman Recruit Jim Hultquist?” Jimmy stands at attention. “Sir?” “Your Mommy called. She said you forgot to write home to the family. Write your Mom a letter.” Well, Jimmy always kept in touch after that. At home on leave, he would remind me as he was leaving to catch the bus, “Mom, don’t call the Navy.” Well, what are ya supposed to do if you are a worried mom?

But, oh, that Papa. Ya know, even in his old age, I just felt like he could do anything. As long as he was with me, we would be ok. Often, as I would hug Jim and hold him tight, I told him, “You feel in my arms as you always have.” Jim remained about the same weight as he always had been. To me, he was always 25 years old.

Dan said he dreamed of Dad the other night. Dan is still in NYC with Christian Joy. Anyway, Dan says over the phone, “Mom, I dreamed that we were at a family gathering. And Dad was there as usual. I thought to myself, ‘He can’t be here.’ But I thought that, because he was, I would just hang out with him and be with him, as I have have missed him so much.” The other kids have similar dreams. I have many daydreams of Jim.

I wonder if he will be watching Johnny’s firecrackers in the sky with us on July 4th. It wouldn’t surprise me.

Love,
Connie