Friday, June 23, 2017
 

Motherhood

pt 2 Life is hard sometimes..

Well my testimony has gone out…That whole story of my life is hard to take sometimes..And yet i got so many good emails and some thru snail mail..from ladies who read my testimony..i think of when i was raiseing my children and how we girls had so little encouragement..i am so glad my life has been used to encourage the wives and mothers,,,,Still there is an ache in my heart when i think of my life..And ya know i know Jimmy was hurt by it too..And yes it is all under the blood ….Jimmy says he dont even remember it…Well i tried to keep all the bad part away from him and tried to make life seem normal..i didnt go out and get drunk or high,..I didnt have boyfriends in ,,never..!! i lived quietly ..and went to church and took Jimmy with me….i didnt have any more children until Jimmy was 7 yrs old…i thot the coast was clear and i cud have more children,,but itwasnt,,,This is a sad email..Well ya know i guess someone has to suffer for what has happened in our country of broken families..I am thankful that ican suffer for Christ..Certainly other women out there have suffered too..i hope i never have to give my testimony again,,But i will..i know i will..its just the right thing to do i guess…And we overcome the devil by the blood of the lamb and the Word of our testimony..love connie

pt 1 Oh what a life

 
Ya know yrs ago i had the nuttiest experience with this Dr who was trying to deliver my 2nd child Christiane..Jim was somewhere i cant remember now..But my pooor saintly mother had to sit with me during the time i was in labor ..Well the Dr came in dressed in a army green uniform..He went over and turned the heat up when he came in,,,Mom thot he was a repair man or something..Well then he goes over and checks me to see if i was dialated and all..My Mother about croaked..”What was this repair man doing with my daughter?” Well that Dr was  crazy anyhow to begin with..So he leaves and comes back again and again checking me..Finally he stands at the foot of the bed and puts his hand over the top of his head..He says to me “I am sorry Mrs Hultquist but your baby is severly deformed”..He said that her hand was conected to her head..Also that she had several holes in her head…i am in the middle of hard labor..The nurses wanted to throw the Dr out of the room,The whole thing was so out rageous that i didnt even believe the Dr..So anyway,,Thank God they got a Specialist in there and he checked me..He anounced  that the baby was coming face first and the main Dr who thot she had holes in her head was feeling her mouth and her eyes and nose..The whole thing was hysterical..My Mother said that no one in our family was born with holes in their head..so she was sure the Dr had made a mistake.Mom prolly thot that if the baby did have holes in her head that she got it from Jims side of the family..Welllll anyway thank the Lord for the Specialist ..He delivered Christiane and she was a healthy baby girl..And she has been a dear daughter to me for all of her life..Shes a NewYorker but she and i have a special relationship….She says “If my mom hadnt taught me to make cornbread i wud have starved when i first came to NYC..” My lil girl  came to me at Christmas so i was in the hospital Christmas eve and day and a day after..Back then only the father cud visit in the hospital..so i was very much alone..But my mom brot me up a lil transister radio and i laid in my bed and listened to Christmas Carols,,i knew Jesus..and He was my Husband..i laid there in my bed alone thanking the Lord for my precious baby girl…Christiane Joy Hultquist…

 

pt 3 Ladies Home Companion

Ok here is some of my old writings   from about the 1980s.. “A Mothers heart shud never be fettered.. She shud have a lite musical merry heart..Other families problems shud be their own business” Note; Jim had just gotten saved and i was about to Homeschool..so i lived a more private life.. Few people even knew our testimony..i mean close family friends did ..but i sure wasnt tellin anyone else} For it is quite enuf  to be a love servent to her family..a salve to their weary worn hearts..A prayer warrior to purge them thru danger..She must pray for their protection and ask the angels to protect them..and ask God to give them wisdom..  Note: we were getting ready to homeschool also in 1988..So the Lord was really calling us into hiding more then we ever knew..We only knew 2 other homeschooling families}”She must teach her children the Word of God. Teach them the fruits of the Spirit. She needs to cultivate in them a love for music..To play an instrument  and teach them to sing to Jesus..She must instill harmony and love in her home..and tender heartedness   towards   each other and others outside the home.. Most of all she needs to be an example to her family ..Her example is the foundation of all of her teachings..Mothers shud not underestimate their work ..They shudnt feel that  because they are house bound that they are unimportant to society..For what a mother speaks to her children secretly they will shout from the roof tops..Her voice isnt heard now ..but some day it will..Her life will be heard thru her children…So Mothers hearken to the voice of the Lord..In malice and deceit and wickedness be children..But in wisdom , understanding and knowlege be as queens..Know the ways of your household and know your own hearts”.Well i have to stop here..things are gettin busy..The next part is about the meek and quiet spirit..love connie

Pt 2 Old writings

Ok i did date this one it is May 4, 1993,,i am praying for John as he had run away and was wondering around Chicago..he was 18 yrs old..”Dear Lord my heart is so broken for John..Please Lord guard , guide and direct him..direct his path..Show him your salvation..I know good and well Lord that your wonderful hand is on John..i dont doubt this Lord  for a second..Lord i can see someone who is kind and good careing for Johnny…Please let a man of the Lord who knows Christ be led to help John in Jesus name}…Well this happend..the Lord answered my prayer..John was out wandering around and a Christian man saw John and picked him up and brot him to his home to meet the family..John prayed with this man and he came back to  the Lord..John had made a commitment to Christ  yrs before but had backslidden.. John had run away when he was 16 yrs old..So we didnt see much if him for 7 yrs.. Just a phone call here and there or a short visit in the middle of the nite..When he was 23 yrs old he made a decision to come back home to his family..He ask Jim and i to forgive him..and we were all so happy again.,,Then John met Christine and married her …A few yrs later we were blessed with our first grand son Romeo..Our John is so full of love ..He helped me so much with Mary when she went astray.i have packs and packs of prayers i wrote down for John..love connie

 

Part 1 Mothers of the Hour

Good Morning Mothers of the Hour.. Arent we all actresses as the Lord puts
us on stage before our audiances.,,I am so Thankful for Olivia Walton and
her character as Mother of 7 children..and wife to John Walton..Olivia and
Grandma Walton are always tryin to save John and Grandpas soul…How many
of us are Olivia Waltons? Or maybe we are Caroline Ingalls…If Laura hadn’t
had Ma to write about she never wud have had a book that is so
popular..Laura never was the woman Ma was….The Little House Books really
surround the life of Caroline..Pa was full of adventure ..Just after Ma
got the garden to come up in the Spring Pa got itchy feet and loaded the
wagon and moved the family to another place more remote..Ma’s stage was
wherever Pa took her..In every circumstance Ma “made do”Out in the middle
of the thick woods of Wisconsin she made sure the girls used their manners
..And that they sat up straight and used good English…Ma was a teacher
and a revelator..She schooled her girls in Wisdom.Pa built the stage for
Ma ..Ma was a visionery and a deeply commited Christian..But no one wud
have ever known who Ma was had she not let Pa build her stage..Ma seem to
come alive with gifts she didnt know she had when Pa built the back drop of
hardship, sickness and destruction.. Ma was a pioneer but she didnt know it
..She was strong,,,but she didnt know this …No one had ask her to be this
strong before..i think she came from a more afluent family then Pa
did..Pa’s folks i think were more rugged…But come to find out Caroline
WAS a Pioneer and she proved it as she was tested and tried in the
fire..And this is what MADE the Little House Books so special..These books
are not about every day life…This book is about survival and Truth and
about not giving up..I mean that Pioneer life was HARD …and Caroline had
never seen this kind of life before..But she maintained her own dignity and
her families dignity all the way thru..Even tho she had to live in a dug out
for a while, she always had supper on time and the dishes were washed and
dried before she put the girls to bed..Caroline was very submissive to her
husband ..Laura prided herself in speaking her mind to Almonzo when she was
a young married wife..But Caroline was in a tighter spot…it was life and
death to her..She didnt have time to be prideful when the house was on
fire..In my own marriage the tight spots taught me and kept me ..i learned
the secret things of God that i cud have learned no other way then learning
to be faithful in the dark..As Laura grew up her Mother had built a stage
for her ..Finally at 65 yrs old Laura learned i think thru her own writing
who she was and who Caroline was,,Laura must have sensed her mothers
spirit..and she wrote about it…And if i had been Lauras teacher i wud say
she got an A plus ,,,Laura some how birthed a truth and an example for many
of us to follow..thru her writings,,And really Lauras daughter Rose was a
feminist..But had it not been for Rose…. Laura wudnt have been
published..Rose was a mover and a shaker and a writer herself in NYC..I
think she was a reporter for a large magazine at the time she helped Laura
to get published..Rose was never the writer that Laura was,,But Rose prolly
made alot more money,,,Yet Rose had it not been for Laura wud have been
forgotten the day she died…But Rose even tho she was a feminist she took
Lauras hand and walked her thru being published ….

A Mother’s Prayer

Dear Mothers,

I am getting ready to tell you about a story I heard on TV. It is so good but, not being a sports fan, I know nothing about the details of this story. I am pretty lame at knowing about sports so please bear with me. And if you know the details, please write them to me.

Well, there was this young man who won a gold medal for long distance running, I think. Anyway, he wins the prize and is showered with awards and all. And he takes his gold medal back to, I think, Canada? And after he had the gold medal for a while, they found out that he had drugs in his system when he ran the race. Steroids or whatever. And so they made him bring the gold medal back and he was stripped of his glory. So, anyway, a news person, of course, wants to interview his mother. What a dink! The news media loves to make a big deal of sorrow. And so this dunce asks this young man’s mother what she thought of her son being on drugs and losing the Gold Medal. And she had two words for this ignorant newsman. “He’s mine.” And when I heard what that brave mom said, I thought out loud, “Yes, he is God’s.” The Mother said, “He was mine when he won the gold. He was mine when he brought it home. He was mine when they found out he had drugs in his system and he was mine when he brought the gold back.”

Oh, man, I will never forget that story if I live to be a 100. This mother’s brave words said to me, “Our kids are ours and their sins are none of the devil’s business.”

Nothing can pluck our children out of God’s hands, no matter what they do. And, no, this is not true for every child. But if they have a mother who won’t let go of them, then God won’t let go, either. “All of my children are taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace.”

The Word says, “Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.” If God puts a mourning spirit upon a Mother for her child, then she has the promise that God will deliver this child and that she will be comforted. A Mother who loves God will automatically mourn if she knows her child is in danger or not walking with God. I think it is in Ezekiel that God calls the writers to mark those who do not mourn with an X on their forehead and that they would be killed starting with the temple of God. Those who do not sigh and cry for their children in this age have no heart for God.

Yes, we have many days of refreshment and the Lord carries our burdens. Weeping lasts for the night but JOY comes in the morning. And I have a promise for every mother who mourns as she reads this writing. Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted. Also Isaiah 49:25, I will contend with those who contend with thee and I will save your children.

Love,
Connie

My Joy is Full

Dear Mothers,

I am seeing miracles with Mary Elisabeth and I am so full of JOY. I talked to MaryL on the phone this morning and she said, “Connie, have you written about this to the ladies on the email?” and I said, “Well, I am just so full of JOY, I don’t know if I can write.” It’s like I have a JOY I can’t contain. Last night I had wonderful dreams about the Lord. That I was with the Israelites in the wilderness when the spies came back. And the two spies full of faith brought back these huge grapes. And I could see an angel building me a tabernacle in the wilderness. The dream was full of the colors of the harvest.

Well, MaryL and her family are having such miracles, too, as this is the time for miracles. Her stepson Bill had cancer — Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I probably spelled it wrong. Anyway, doctors gave him a death sentence months ago. Lately he had a scan and they can’t find any cancer at all. We are all so excited about that, too.

Anyway, my Mary Elisabeth is being set free. I talked to her on the phone yesterday as she cried. She told me how much she missed Brandon but that he had already divorced her. Anyway, they have a mutual friend that they are talking through right now, and you can tell that Mary is trying to get back with Brandon and he is trying to get with her. Anyway, the Lord told me to tell Mary about some miracles in my marriage that she has never heard before. Of course, my before life was so bad that it made anything she is going through look like a Sunday school picnic. I wouldn’t even say on here what I told her. But my life could scoop anyone out.

This morning as I got up, I picked up my Bible and read Psalms 78. It tells the forefathers to tell the next generation all the great works they had seen. And we are to pass these stories on. Well, I passed some doozies on to Mary yesterday. This morning when I awoke I came out here in the dining room and, oh, the glory of the Lord is here. I feel so set free. I actually slept in peace last night.

It is a time of harvest and a time for miracles. It is 2006 and the 6th year is the year, in the Bible, of plenty. Because the 7th year is the year to let the land rest. Also in the Jewish calendar, October is like our January. It is the month of new beginnings. It’s HARVEST TIME … it’s the time to gather in what we have prayed for. And my miracle happened yesterday on Jim’s birthday. Also we had gotten this house in October of 1973 and Jim was set free in October of 1979.

I am just so full of Joy and I can’t hardly function. I needed to write to understand how to maintain my JOY. And the Lord is telling me to have patience in it.

One other thing MaryL age 78 and I talked about is this. Ya know I was basically the only one who was standing in faith for Mary and Brandon. I mean, I know you girls were, too, and Jill and MaryL and a few others. Thank you! But, oh, the lies I had to come up against. It was unreal. Brandon has about … well, at least a hundred relatives in this area that were standing against Mary and Brandon. The deception and lies that flew around me were unbelievable. Then Mary began to believe them all and started telling them to me. Tryin’ to figure out all the lies was enough to confuse a stampede of elephants. I mean “No Duh.”

See, Satan is like a hoard of flies on a dead body. These flies fly every where. But the Truth is from God. Not the truth on are they on drugs or not. Or who is on what? For the believer the truth is God’s Word. No matter what they are on or not on. God’s Truth is that they will be healed. The Truth is the Word of God for the situation you are praying for. When Satan is in a situation, then the confusion reigns. And the prayer intercessor will be rocked to and fro. Don’t condemn yourself as you are confused, too. Just try with all of your heart to stay on the Word of God. But the prayer intercessor will go through much of what the person is going through that she is praying for.

A Fullness of JOY

See, my daughter Mary, age 21, will be about in her 40s when I pass on. I have prayed my faith into her and she is going to need my faith in the years to come. I have prayed for Mary for a long time but especially right after Jim died. I have not hardly had a peace at all for 6 months. I have warred against the devil for the past 6 months. I didn’t do everything right is what I am trying to tell you. But see, don’t feel condemned in your walk of faith. We often rock and dip with the ones we are interceding for. We walk with them through the valley of death. In a way we go through what they go through but where they have failed, we win. We win the battle in the darkness as we feel what they feel. We go to them in prayer in their weakness and we somehow help them up and we give them faith. We carry our own burden and theirs, too. I know we ain’t supposed to carry burdens or that’s what they say, anyway. But some Mothers and Wives are called as intercessors and they carry burdens. We have times of rest and peace where we lay our cross down. It is then that we are fed heavenly manna from the Lord to give us strength. We do suffer as Christ upon the cross to birth new life into our family.

My life is a design by God to be one leap of faith to the next. Jim was a miracle and John, our son, too. And now Mary, and all of my kids will come to Christ. And, yes, I homeschooled them and taught them the Word from the get go. I told Mary on the phone yesterday. I said, “Mary Elisabeth, you can never change the fact that you had a godly mother who taught you the Word of God every day of your life as a child. You can’t change that. You come from a godly seed. You come from good stock, Mary.” And she said, “I know that, Mom.” And see, Mary and I wrote Happy Housewifery Newsletter together. Mary Elisabeth was raised up to know the Lord and to be a homemaker. But see, through all what she has done it has been a main attack on me, too.

I have told folks, “Well, I may as well have been a whore and on drugs the whole time I was raising her. I have gotten the reward of wickedness.” My heart has been so broken, so shattered. But God told me, He said, “Connie, the only way the Truth will come out is if you don’t give up until you see the glory of God.” And this is how His will is done on earth as it is done in heaven. We battle in the realm of the Spirit to bring heaven down into a situation. We battle to bring God’s honor and glory to our family. We battle against Satan to live in His glory on earth as it is in heaven. We battle to loose heaven and to bring a loosening to the earth. We cast out demons and hold the door open for our loved ones to get through it.

And some of these mothers who write for the Lord somehow get lost after the kid reaches 18. Because their teachings were good but now they come into a different battle. Oh, we hate to fight it. The religious world condemns us if our kids ain’t perfect. “And they were homeschooled” they say. But the Bible says that when they are old, they won’t depart. It doesn’t say when the kid is 18 years old, they will be perfect. I mean some of your kids are perfect and I thank God. But mine ain’t. And I represent a lot of Moms out there who feel condemned to hell. And ya know Satan wants to condemn you and tell you a bunch of trash about your own kids or a wayward husband. But it ain’t any of the devil’s business what your family does. And Mothers of faith, take on the whole armor of God and fight for your kids. Man, it is hard! But ya know we have to toughen up.

The hard part of this with Mary and Brandon is that this is mostly Mary’s fault. That’s what has killed me. It’s just killed me inside. But I have to get back up and fight, anyway. I can’t let the devil condemn me to the place that I cannot fight the good fight of faith. See, the devil will just try to annihilate you, dear Christian Mother. He will lie to you.

See, the name of the game is that our families have to make their own decisions for Christ. But we can pray down a good atmosphere for them to make this decision. And we help them as prayer warriors to hold back the darkness so they can see the light. But now we can’t make a decision for them. And we best not try, either. As all we will get done doing is getting them out of their stuff for years. We must mainly pray and let the Lord handle these situations in the world.

Love,
Connie

Faith and Patience

Dear Mothers,

After a night in prayer, this morning the Lord reminded me of when I was pregnant with Jimmy. I had to go to the Free Clinic for my check-ups. The doctors there would tell me I was very small and wondered if Jimmy would be premature. But in about my eighth month, a more experienced doctor checked me and said I was fine. He sat back in his chair and said, “You aren’t too small — you just carry your baby like a lady!” The Lord reminded me of this as I prayed this morning. And the Lord spoke to me about long suffering being a fruit of the Spirit. I mean we can pray day and night when we are pregnant but we won’t have our baby until the Lord says it’s time. It takes about 9 months and if he comes any sooner than that, the baby isn’t full term or ready.

In the beginning, folks who really know the Lord told me, “This may take a while with Mary.” Jill and MaryL, who are mature Christians, said that, too. But I thought, “Man, I can’t take this for 5 minutes, let alone a year or more.” I mean I hear so much teaching on Now faith. But that means you get the faith in your heart but the timing is God’s. And the Lord speaks to me, “Connie, don’t let the devil see ya sweat. Carry this burden like a lady.” Well I am tryin’, Lord!

Ya know we plant the Word in the ground. But we don’t want to leave it alone and let it grow. We run out and dig it up to see if it is growing, huh? But along with long suffering and patience, we need self control. I mean wouldn’t you hate to see a criminal comin’ at ya with confidence and a willingness to never give up? Well, as we become this way to Satan, we scare him to DEATH. He knows we are confident and orderly in our attacks on him. We are calculating and full of wit in battle. Smart, cutting edge, not skittish but “head strong.” Full of the Word in season and out of season. We carry a heavy burden but we carry it like a lady. We refuse to bow to the devil or give him a place in our hearts. We don’t have to bow and won’t. We come at our foe silently and slowly. Confident and full of self control. Our Sword is gleaming in the noonday Son. Our shield is our covering. We are not guilt ridden as the blood is our Salvation. We are covenant women. We are headstrong with a helmet of salvation. We are visionaries and our mind is full of His presence and our hair is wet with anointing. On our loins (our wombs) we are girt with truth. This concerns the teachings on Keepers at Home. Babies and submission to husband. Our feet are shod with the preparation of Gospel of peace. Now if you were the devil, wouldn’t you be afraid of a woman comin’ at you who looked like that? Well, we ain’t supposed to be afraid of the devil — he is supposed to be afraid of us. And as we fight the fear, we fight Satan’s control over us. And when we refuse to fear, we are home free.

As Mothers of faith, we must carry our burdens with grace from Jesus. I know so many will say, “Give your burdens to the Lord.” But as the scriptures say, when all the babies were killed under 2 years old when Jesus was born, the Mothers could not be comforted. Any Mother with a child who is being held captive by sin can’t just give her burdens to the Lord. All she can do is carry her burden like a lady. As a queen fighting for her people. She cannot be comforted until she sees His glory. Any Mother who is totally at peace over her wayward children won’t fight for them and won’t see His glory. Those who don’t weep for the lost have no value in God. Without passion, a war cannot be waged or fought. But the Lord is showing me to quit shooting off cannons and stand strong with the full armor, fully confident that the war set before us is hard, but God is harder.

We have marching orders from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He will fight our battles. Faith is the Victory that overcomes the world.

Love,
Connie

Spiritual Warfare

This morning, I was praying for Mary and Brandon. The Lord has encouraged me lately in my prayers. I have been breaking through and the clouds that would not rain are breaking up and mercy drops are beginning to fall.

Sometimes the Lord will allow us to see into the spirit realm to give us strength to pray. This morning, the Lord showed something very clear in the spirit realm. I was praying and fighting in the spirit. I was praying for Mary and Brandon and I could see a cloud over them, and I kept praying against it. And a demon spoke to me very plainly. He said, “Well, we were called to come here and to speak curses and lies over Mary and Brandon. We were told that God was planning to use them for His glory.” This little imp spoke as though he was commanded to be there in that Satanic cloud and that I had no right to tell his gorup to leave.

I spoke to those demons and told them that I was a child of God and that He who lived in me was greater then Satan in the world. And that at the name of Jesus every knee would bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. And I overcame these demons as I reminded them of the blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony and that I loved not my own life unto death. And the Lord showed me the great cloud of witnesses. He showed me that Satan’s counterfeit for the cloud of witnesses are the dark clouds of condemnation that comes against us believers. The Bible says that Satan stands before the Father and condemns the believers day and night. But the Lord has the cloud of witnesses spoke of in Hebrews 12:1.

Also the Lord spoke to me about the scriptures about raising a child in the way they should go and when they are old they won’t depart from it. The Lord is saying in this that the Mother who raised them who is a believer will never give up on them until they are saved. Yes, some kids learn quicker than others. But that scripture is putting confidence in the mother and her faith. God is counting on her to never give up, no matter what. Yes, you are to raise your children for Christ and continue to pray for them all of their lives.

The Lord has shown me that Satan planned on taking Mary and Brandon because I have been preoccupied with grieving over the death of Jim. Satan just went in for the kill. But, see, I think especially we who homeschooled our kids get so surprised when things don’t go right with them. But I think, actually, they are walking targets. It’s obvious that they will be used of God. Satan sees that. They were given to God, obviously, as He called a Christian mother to teach them the word of God. She wouldn’t even allow her babies into public school. She protects and prays for them as Hannah did. Then she gives them to God.

Then Satan comes in and sends all kinds of lies and accusations against this child. And the trick, above all, is to get the mother who taught them to fold and curse the day she had children. Satan gets her to give up and to use her own authority against herself. She changes her mind about homeschool and no birth control. Why didn’t she just have 2 kids instead of 6? Why didn’t she divorce early in her life and find a decent man to raise her children? So Satan wears the mother down — the mother who had started out with such confidence. He gets her to throw away her confidence that had a great reward. She quits and gives up and she loses her children and her own life. Homeschooling the children is just half the battle. But for your own sakes, dear mother, dont give up.

Whatever kid is driving you to drink, just plow into him with both barrels. Don’t let him take your life and his own life, too.

Honestly, this thing with Mary and Brandon has been almost worse than Jim dying. Not only did I lose my husband but Satan has tried to murder me with heartache over Mary. The devil has tried to kill me with a broken heart. People do die of a broken heart. But the Lord has come to bind up the broken heart and to set the captive free. The Lord tells me it will be step by step out of this hell but it will come. As I lay brick on brick, the Lord is leading me out into the light.

Last night, I talked toToot on the phone and I said, “If I had it to do over again, I would never have even married, let alone had kids.” Of course, I wasn’t saying that from my heart. But it’s how I felt. And I often tell people had I only had Jimmy, our first son, everyone would have thought I was a genius. But, no, I had to go ahead and have more kids and show them I was nuts.

Like Jimmy told me yesterday, as we sat and talked, “Mom, I have never smoked a cigarette in my life or done any drugs. I have made something of my life. I drink once in a while socially but not much.” He is the faithful son among the prodigals. Me and my merry band of children drive this guy nuts. I talk at Jimmy. Always trying to hide most of what goes on as he trys to dig it out of me. He trys to take care of me and tell me the obvious. As I look at him in a blank stare, I am thinkin’ “A fool has said in his heart there is no God.” Jimmy is politically correct and one of these days, through my prayers, he will see how futile this is.

But, see, Satan can’t destroy us as faithful wives and mothers. He puts these family members in our paths and, as we pray for them, we are set free. No mother is going to have joy if her kids are hurting. I don’t care how spiritual she is. Nehemiah was greived over his people and he helped them to go rebuild their wall.

Story of Hope

Dear Mothers,

Yesterday I was talking to MaryL on the phone. She is my mentor and is 77 years old. Anyway, I was telling her a story and she says, “Connie, have you written this story on the email?” I said, “No, I hadn’t.” Then my friend Ruth came over later in the day and we were sitting outside talking in the yard. I told her the story, too. OK, here it is.

About a year ago, the devil had really whispered in my ear that our Christian Joy was a hopeless case. I mean she is a lovely girl and works hard at making PUNK ROCK outfits for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs! In some people’s eyes, she is a big success. Her band was on the David Letterman show, just lately. It has been very overwheming to me as her mom. And Chrissy and I get along fine, as she is very loving and supporting of me. And ya know, I just thought in my heart, “She is a beautiful girl and we get along fine but she will probably go to hell and I can’t worry about it. I have done all I could.” I thought she was my Judas in the scheme of things, a lost cause, really. I had lost all hope and I thought in my heart, “Connie, don’t tell anyone what you think but Chrissy is going to hell and nothing can be done.” And I thought, “Ya know, she will never find a man to love until she leaves NYC.” To me, this was all carved in stone and I wasn’t going to tell anyone about what I thought. I just thought this was my cross to bear and I wasn’t going to bug Chrissy or anyone about it. I thought, “I will just B.S. my way through with her but she is going to hell.” I thought it was signed and sealed by God.

So here comes Chrissy home about a month before her Dad died to introduce Jason to the family. I just went along as usual, tryin’ to keep peace in the family. I sit and listen to music with the kids and we talk. Chrissy says, “Mom, Jason plays the piano and I said, “Oh, good, Jason, please play for us.” He is a professional musician. Well, he has a regular day job, as all NYC people do, and then they play music and try to make it BIG. Most people who go to NY don’t make it big but leave it to my kids to do so. So, anyway, I fully expected Jason to play something worldy on the piano and he sat down to play and played the most HOLY Christian song I had ever heard. It was a song of worship to the Lord. Not an old religious song — no — but a song that touched my heart and caused my heart to sing again. He not only played it so beautifully but he sang from his heart about Jesus. Talk about being ashamed of myself, for not trusting in the Lord.

Jason has been an angel in my life. He and I sit and talk about spiritual things and Christian Joy doesn’t even seem to hear us. I think he is an angel disguised as Christian Joy’s boyfriend. Chrissy told me lately, “Mom, when I can’t understand you, Jason explains you to me.” I am like, “Hmmmm.” He reminds me a lot of Jim after Jim got saved. And Chrissy says he reminds her of me. I think he is just what God did. Jim and I prayed for Christian and I think the Lord answered Jim’s and my prayers and gave Chrissy a man who was like me and Jim. “Jim and Connie” seems to be written all over Jason.

Last night in the night, I felt so hopeless concerning Mary and Brandon. Oh, I just felt tormented as my heart bled for them. I tossed and turned all night in prayer. But this morning, as I write about our Sissy Joy and Jason, I know the Lord hears my prayers. He does not leave us forsaken concerning our children.

We Moms just suffer like wounded dogs lost in the dark. We raise our children to know Christ and some of these kids — ya just swear they are hopeless! But if God can send Christian Joy an angel for a boyfriend, He can do anything. Jason doesn’t even talk to Chrissy about the Lord that I know of. But she is used to me saying, “Oh, the Lord did this for me and that.” And so if Jason talks about the Lord to me, it isn’t foreign to her. It goes over her head — so far, anyway.

But ya know, we Christian Mothers are just tormented to death at times over our kids. No, not when they are young, usually, but as they get older. I mean we are bigger than they are when they are young and we can control them usually. But when they get to be adults, it’s different. I swear I planned on my last 3 kids being perect and when they weren’t — Oh, man, the Lord heard a wailin’ in heaven He has never heard before. (Well, almost.)

When David, my son of faith, left home at 18, I picked bleeding hearts flowers from my garden and put a bouquet where David sat at the table. Broke my heart! When he went on to have Baby Rose without ever marrying the mother, my heart tore out of my chest. Still he isn’t married and Jim’s and my heart just broke. But ya know what, dear Mothers? God is still on the throne.

Are we more worried about our reputation or our kids lives? I am embarrassed to death most of the time. But God must think I am worth something. I seem to have some amount of truth in my soul. And now Sharon is putting together another book for me. She says she needs it. I am thinking, “Who on earth would follow me if they had any sense?” I think of myself as the backwards Titus 2 mother. I am supposed to have kids I can brag on — well, I can brag on some of ”em. But God tells me, “Connie, if you will follow me and keep goin’ with the Titus 2 ministry, I will take care of your kids.” Well, God knows I need all the help I can get.

I keep reminding the Lord that the oxen that plows the field is welcome to eat all he wants as he plows. If he wasn’t plowing and workin’ his tail off, he wouldn’t have anything to eat. No, if I was to start teaching as soon as my kids were perfect, then that would be when Hell freezes over.

This little dab of religion we try to teach our kids often is just enough religion to bug ’em and not bless ’em. And ya know, our kids coming up aren’t like some of us were in years past. Our kids are dealing with a lot of culture that we never had to face. Our sons NEED to be sons of Thunder! We are raising sons now that have to be warriors and Revolutionalists. If we don’t raise our daughters to be stout hearted in the home and full of courage — oh, we have missed the boat. Some of us moms hate our kids’ lives. But didn’t we give our children to Jesus to train?

A lot of these tattoos and piercings seem to look so war-like to me. Is this our kids’ ways of acting out being warriors for Jesus? They are young; they have a certain amount of light. We can’t stand there and judge them according to our own lives. Man, I don’t even have pierced ears. I did as a young girl but I don’t now. When I was 9, I talked my Mom into it. And the neighbor kids thought I was a Gypsy. Anything to be radical, ya know? Even at 9 years old. That was in the 1950s. So that was pretty racy then. Well, and when I was in high school, I wore safety pins in my ears. Just to be bad. Then I forgot the whole thing and don’t even have pierced ears now. Christian Joy told her teachers at school I was a biker and had tattoos all over my body. Oh, that Christian Joy! I don’t have any tattoos. Thank God! But now Dan and Johnny, they have enough tattoos for all of us put together. And Jim put his own on when he was young. Stuff like “Born to Lose.” Well, that’s ok — I wrote “Nothing is impossible with God” on his heart. And that’s what counts, huh?

And ya know, in the 1980s when I was homeschooling, the teaching was that if your kid didn’t mind, just throw him out of the house. Boy, I was for that. But Papa wasn’t. I mean, I wasn’t heartless but I thought it would turn the kid around. And I thought it would be for a few days. But Jim wasn’t like that. Jim would say to me, “Connie, our kids aren’t any different than anyone else’s kids and they will be alright.” I would get all religious and want to go by the books about tough love and all. But Papa was so full of love.

And ya know, in the Old Testement, if a son was rebellious, then they were to be killed. Hmmm! But Jim dealt with his rebellious children as I had dealt with him. He walked with them through the valley of the shadows.

Our son John helped my mom yesterday with yard work. It took hours to dig this huge bridal bush out of her yard. After that, John had to go to work. My mom said, “Wow, he is a good worker.”

Oh, my gosh! I would have died to hear that in the 90s when John was so lazy I could have drowned him in gasoline. He was so lazy and would never take a bath. One day we were in the car with my mom and dad who thought I was nuts, anyway. And they said, “What is that smell?” And I said, “Oh, that’s Johnny — he won’t take a bath.” I would order him into the bathtub and he would fall asleep in there and then get out without ever washing. The other kids lived for this moment and would get a bucket of ice and throw it over the shower curtian on John’s sleeping head. I thought the boy was utterly hopeless and I cried buckets of tears. And wrote tablets of prayers to Jesus.

Oh, John is a precious son now. I couldn’t live without him. He and his lovely wife and son moved here from Missouri. They felt the Lord calling them as they said we needed them. And, oh, we did! Christine, John’s wife is as Ruth was to Naomi to me. God knew what He was doing.

Papa and God knew how to handle John and I was a grieved mother who could barley stand it. But I had to submit to Jim on all of this. He was never all that religious or taken up with the teaching of the day. I mean some of you, your husbands are like Dr. Dobson or like Mike Pearl. So it’s good that you follow this teaching. But my husband was not and I had to submit to my own husband as unto the Lord. Our husbands are called by God to lead us and we have to let them. They have a special calling to lead the family and we can’t interfere with that.

In closing, we as mothers must cast down our fears and evil imaginations. We must trust in God with our chidlren. And all of our children will be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace.

Love,
Connie

 
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