Dear Mothers,

I just had the family here for dinner. We had a few birthdays to celebrate. Also John and Christine and Romeo are moving back to Missouri. So we wanted to all get together for a last visit. They will be back for Thanksgiving. We had a lot of fun and my mom came, too. We had potato soup and burritos and a salad. Later we had ice cream and cake.

This morning Christian Joy called and I asked her about the Converse high tops with a skirt. I said, “What am I seeing, Chrissy? Is that bluegrass?” And she says, “Oh, Mom, everyone in NYC wears those tennis shoes with skirts or anything.” Anyway, my daughter-in-law Christine, John’s wife, said she has wanted a pair, too. So she is going to try to find out where we can get some cheap to wear with skirts. The boys tried to talk me into the low tops. But Christine says, “Leave your Mom alone -she’s got a vision. I am going to find her some name brand high tops.” Sooo one way or the other, I am gonna get some nice high tops. Even Chrissy said she would send me some from NYC. Yaaay I had to do it.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Last night on the phone as I talked to Aunt Toot, I had her goin’. “I want to buy some black high top tennis shoes to wear with a long cotton print skirt,” I told her. Oh, she had a fit. I said I like the bluegrass look — is that bluegrass? Anyone know? Well, I could just see myself in these high tops. I can’t wait to get some. I want to get some nice long cotton skirts for winter that I can wear with long underwear and a warm top. Aunt Toot says that now she can see where Christian Joy gets her ideas. “It’s no wonder your kids are nuts,” she tells me. But, hey, anyone on here know what I mean about the black high top tennis shoes and cotton skirts? I thought this get-up would look extra cute with a neat old-time apron? Well, I am up for it. Maybe it’s just my own style. I think I may stop at the Salvation Army today to see if I can find some skirts for winter that I like. I wonder, if Dan sees me in this outfit, if I will get to join the band, after all. (Only kidding, Toot … or am I?)

Dan loves bluegrass. And I can hear a twang in his voice that calls the southern hills and mountains to me. Dan hears a call of God and I can hear it when he sings. It’s not big yet and the voice of the mountains in his voice is small. But you can just hear it in him. As his Mama, I am like Elisha. I see the cloud the size of my hand and it promises rain. I weep for my children to be called as voices in the wilderness.

My children are so funny. They entertain themselves with stories about me and Jim. Sometimes when I come into the room, they laugh. I tell ‘em “I know you guys are telling stories again about me and Dad.” At the family reunion, David and his cousins played the guitars. As I walked by them, David says, “Mom, you know what the name of that song was?” I said “No.” And David says, “Prison Break.” And then they all laugh! I like to pretend I am mad. But ya know at least they talk to me.

You know what I did yesterday? The craziest thing! I told a church lady about my life and asked her to pray for me. Am I nuts? Her husband is at church all the time and is a perfect Christian Gentleman … God love him. She has seven children and all of them are perfect? So she knew all of my children when they were all good ducks in a row. And she asks me how each of them are? Oh, man what a nightmare as I had to tell her. I should have said, “What kids? I never had any but Jimmy. (He is perfect.)” This morning, I woke up ready to commit suicide. Ashamed of myself for even having enough nerve to breath the air.

Don’t Give Up

Anyway, I woke up this morning with the devil breathin’ fire down my neck. And I was shakin’ and quakin’ and tellin’ the Lord “Uncle” and “Whatever I did to deserve Mary, I am really sorry and I won’t do it again.” I started gasping for a Word from the Lord and my mind was too clouded with fear to get a Word. But the Lord showed me that it wasn’t a Word I needed as much as I needed to say with some Moxie, “I ain’t givin’ up until I see the GLORY of God” and “Whatever it takes, Lord.” I told the devil that the trouble with me that he would always have was this. “I have seen the miraculous before? I have seen the Glory before when Jim was healed saved and delivered.” And I told the devil eyeball to eyeball, with a hot demonic breath in my face this morning, “I don’t have nothing else to do but pray for Mary and Brandon and wait upon God.” And I promised Satan, “You will bow your knee to God on this.” And he will.

I am used to seeing a lot of prayers answered in my life. But this stronghold on Mary has about beat me out. But I had to make a decision this morning. “Whatever it takes, Lord. Whatever it takes.” I know I have made this decision before … and have fallen into unbelief. But I had to make it again this morning. And sometimes we have to make this decision a million times. But how often does God forgive us for our unbelief? As many times as we ask Him to. What is Satan after? He wants us as wives and moms to just roll over and play dead — and sometimes we wish we were dead. But God calls us back to life as He did Lazarus.

I am here to tell you that our only sin in having wayward family members is to give up. Satan wants us to give up. I mean we can have all the right faith scriptures memorized but if, in the final moments, we give up on God, those faith scriptures won’t be worth a sack of dung. The Lord this morning didn’t ask me how many scriptures I had memorized. He did ask me to make a decision. Was I up for this hell ride or was I getting off the boat and goin’ on home?

In the Word of God, the Lord told the prophets to tell the soldiers who were fearful to go on home. The Lord didn’t want fear in the camp. And we as Christians cannot allow fear in our homes.

Good News! Mary just called me on the phone and she said a prophet just came up to her and spoke to her that she would have another baby in a year and a half. I said, “Mary, is this what will set you free?” And she said, “Yes, Mom, I just can’t deal with Chloe Faye’s death.” Mary said, “Mom, is this man a true prophet?” And I said he would have to be, as I have prayed so much. Mary said it was an angel or a prophet but she shook all over when he spoke. “I couldn’t sleep at all last night, Mom,” she told me. She always gets right off the phone. But I told her before she got off the phone, “Mary, I claim the blood of Jesus over your mind body, soul and spirit. If two agree on anything touching the same thing, it will be done by their Father in heaven.” And I said, “We are touching this phone. And every time you touch this phone, you will feel Mom’s prayers and get another dose of them.” And Mary agreed with me. I told Mary if this comes to pass, what the prophet said, then we will know that he was a true prophet of God. But the way I have been up in God’s face on this, I can’t imagine that a false prophet could get in there in any way. But please agree with me in prayer that Mary is being healed more and more as she touches her phone. Because this is the only connection I have with her.

Don’t give up and you will see His glory.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers of the Hearth,

Oh, I had a jolly time last evening. I had John and Christine and Romeo Paul, age 4, over for supper. As I was preparing for supper, the neighbor children came over with a measuring cup asking to borrow a cup of flour. “Something smells good.” Cole, age 13, and his sister Abby, 6, visit a bit and look around to see if I have changed anything since they were here last. I told them that was chili they smelled and cornbread and homemade popcorn. I made a pot of coffee, too, and we also had iced tea with fresh mint in it from my garden.

I still had Baby Olivia when the kids all got here for supper. Oh, we had so much fun! My table is so big, it takes up the whole dining room. So Christine was sitting by the side door so she has to do everything on that side of the table and I am on the side by the kitchen. So while I am running back and forth from the kitchen, then Christine is in charge of letting the cat in and out and answering the phone. Olivia, 9 weeks old, had slept earlier as I got everything on the table but she woke up when everyone came. So I hold her — it’s just what I think I should do. So I run about with baby in my arms. It seems right! But then her Daddy came and picked her up and then we all settled to talk and eat leisurely and enjoy each other’s company.

We talked about the old “Laugh-In” show that we watched when the kids were little. I love to imitate Lily Tomlin as I pretend to be an old time telephone operator. “RING A DING A DINGA . . . RING A DING A DINGA. NUMBER PLEEEEEASE????” Then Johnny taught Romeo some things that James Cagney used to say, like “You dirty rat, you killed my brother.” I don’t like that but Romeo is such a ham and says it out of the corner of his mouth and I can’t help but laugh. Then Johnny started imitating W.C. Fields and I did, too. “Anyone who hates kids and hates dogs can’t be all bad.” And then May West. “When I am good I am very very good and when I am bad I am better.” Well, when Jim was gone in the old days, the kids and I would sit and watch old movies and eat homemade popcorn and drink the off brand of Kool-Aid and laugh our heads off. The JOY of the Lord was our strength. It takes a lot of faith to laugh in hard times like those were. Oh, but we covered a lot of comedy last night as we visited over supper.

Christine is John’s audience. She is so crazy about him. John quit his job as they are moving in a week back to Missouri. Christine says she loves it as she gets to see him more. Oh, I praise God that Johnny has a wonderful family like he has. Christine is one of the cutest girls you could ever see. And Johnny thinks the world of her.

Finally we went into the living room and watched TV with Romeo. I got out dessert, Brownies. Romeo loves the Hidden Camera shows and tries to do the stunts on there. It’s like Romeo has springs on his feet — he just flies through the air. Johnny does tricks with him and keeps me and Christine laughing our heads off. All of my little girls here are calm so it’s a treat for me to see Romeo being a real boy. I had 4 boys and I am used to the wrestling and yelling and running and jumping in the house.

As John’s family got ready to leave, I told them, “Always keep your Joy. We need it in times like these. It is our strength.” And this is part of faith. Those who can laugh and have a sense of humor will find a lot of strength in it. Laughter is the highest form of faith.

Depression Era

Ya know I read a lot of articles on the Great Depression era. Those old timers had a lot to say about survival.

The stock market crash came in October of 1929. It was pretty much world wide. In Kansas and other states called the flat lands, they had Dust Storms. The dirt would fly in the house and coat everything. The Mothers had to wash the dishes of the dirt before each meal. The farmers had cut out all the trees and wildlife to plant crops to sell. Before the Depression hit, there was a lot of profit in farming and the farmers got greedy. And so when there wasn’t any rain for 3 years, nothing held the dust down.

The families had to do without rain for 3 years. The ranchers had to sell their cattle and horses as they couldn’t water them. The housewives couldn’t water their gardens. Many of the men were out of work and then the women couldn’t provide, either, with no rain on their gardens. Some lived on dried beans and weeds. But by faith they made it. Some of the families lost their homes and had to move into old abandoned chicken coops in the country. Many families went back to the land when they lost their homes and jobs. Only to have it not rain for 3 years. This era was called the “Dirty Thirties.”

In other parts of the country, it did rain some and the farmers were the only ones making it. All they had was food and livestock. So cartoonists portrayed them as fat naked farmers. Because all they could afford was food and no clothes. But the ingenious Mothers of Faith made clothes out of feed sacks. The Mothers would get together and trade feed sacks so they would have enough of one kind of print for a whole dress. They used the old burlap bags that potatoes came in for towels and dish rags. I have a quilt my grandma made with an advertisement for chicken feed on the inside layer. You couldn’t see it when Grandma made it but, as it is older and thinner now, you can see she had a feed sack in the inner layer. To make a bed sheet, the mothers would bleach the feed sacks and then sew the squares together. They used the feed sacks to make all of their linens and curtains, etc. They used the Sears “Wish Book” or catalog for toilet paper.

The Gay 90s was a time of great prosperity — all looked well as if there would be a chicken in every pot. And when the Crash came in 1929, it was a shock to the country. But ya know the Mothers made do. And about once a week on Saturday night, the neighbors and friends would all gather at someone’s house who still had a house. And they would take all the furniture out of the living room and put it on the porch. And they would roll back the carpet to dance. And some of the men would come and bring their guitars and fiddles and play music. And the families would forget their cares and woes and dance til midnight. The women would bring all kinds of food for a late Saturday Supper. All the mothers tried to outdo the other Mother. Whose biscuits were the lightest and who was the best pie maker? The Mothers did their best to make what they could with the ingredients they had. The men would hunt and fish and the wife would bring fried fish or squirrel.

As I write, I can see them singing and dancing. I see the candles flicker and the shadows of dancing couples upon the wall. I can smell the meat dishes and the apple pies and biscuits. Oh, the anointing is flowing with Joy and gladness. I can hear the Mothers’ shoes as they clop upon the old wooden floors as they dance and sing to the music of long ago. Someone is playing the spoons — maybe Grandmother — and I hear the fiddle music. It is joyful as Papa plays and longs to play all night or until the Depression era has ended. The folks sang in the midst of many trials … they danced in the cabins of long ago. They made do. They lived it out with courage and that was about all they had to sustain them until better times came.

A Cloud of Witnesses

Well, I have Baby Maya Grace, age one year, this morning so I best get to caring for her. I feel such a flow to write. I do wonder if I saw, as I wrote Part 2, the great cloud of witnesses, telling me that if the Mothers during the Depression era made it, I will, too. Huh? Think so?

Love,
Connie

Dear Warriors for Christ,

Wow, ain’t life grand! I was prayin’ this morning. Oh no, look out! Phillipa from England has been sending out flares all morning, “Somebody HELLLLP!” I was under the tent with one bullet in my gun, wondering if I had enough nerve to write this morning. Or if I should pray for another bullet or what? One thing the devil loves to do to ya is give you images in your mind of failure.

Ya know as I was prayin’ for Mary this morning, the Lord reminded me of her birth. And sometimes the birth of a child says something about the rest of their lives. Mary was my seventh child and I had one miscarriage just before her. So I had her when I was almost 39. But the hospital was about 30 miles away on an icy highway. So they said I was to stay in this place by the hospital for mothers who were at risk. They thought I was old at 39 and too far from the hospital. Well, so I went. I was overdue and so was there for a week and they wanted me to stay longer. It dawned on me one day as I prayed that I didn’t have to stay there. They had intimidated me and tried to scare me to death that I would die and the baby would die if I didn’t get to the hospital right away when I went into labor.

My fifth child was a C-section and the doctor who did that, they said, was a butcher and made a mess of my womb. He then left town and left no address to get ahold of him. He was a crazy man. No one could figure out if he had tried to make an incision up and down or across? He didn’t even sew me up right. So my womb wasn’t stable. But the place they gave me to stay was full of maniacs. They all loved MTV and that was on 24-7. I told Jim when he came to see me that I was leaving this popsicle stand and was he with me. He said he was and we left. The doctors saw us and tried to stop us but we just left, anyway, with them screaming, “You won’t make it.” Well, we did make it and I went into labor in a few days and made it back in plenty of time. I felt my health declined in the time I had been there in that sin infested place that I am still wondering about today. Just down the hall from where I was, they were doing abortions. This hospital does more abortions than, I think, any hospital in the nation. It’s no wonder I didn’t want to hang around there.

Then when I was in labor, they gave me two shots of pitocin. Of course, my womb that was mangled anyway blew and ruptured. Then after all of that, they wanted to take my womb out. Up to then, Papa and I had been pretty nice? But Jim loves to tell what I told the doctors. I looked up at about three specialists that told me I would die if my womb wasn’t removed. “I am going to own you and this whole hospital if you take my womb out.” I had been bleeding in a bucket and Papa was crying his eyes out in a chair. Papa came to the head of the bed and spoke to me. “Connie, we have five other children who need you.” So I said that I would do whatever. But the doctors didnt take my womb out. Because they had made so many mistakes, they knew I could happily and easily sue them and would have. I was in the operating room getting repaired for almost, I think, 3 hours. Papa sat and prayed alone. All the relatives were called and told that I may die. And my relatives came up to the hospital and told Jim, my grieving husband, that if I did die, the kids would be taken by the state. Papa cried and gave his heart to the Lord as he had never done before.

I nearly died to give Mary birth. And as I stand here, the Lord speaks to me, “Mary is the anointed one and will do great things for the Lord.” And it is the least among us who God seems to anoint. And the devil will lie on the anointed ones. But God will have a prayer warrior pray over the least of them. And by faith the intercessor will not give up. And the intercessor will have to stand alone and not give ear or eyes to the circumstances set before them. Warriors for Christ … that will not be moved by the flesh.

Love,
Con

Dear Mothers,

I wanted to write so I don’t get kicked off the group. I am so busy I can hardly read the emails, let alone write. I have a new one year old little baby girl. I have her on the opposite days as I have Olivia Rose, age 8 weeks. So now I have a baby each day and Olivia Jean, age 4, during the day and her sister after school — she is 8 years old.

I hated to say, too, that my mother has cancer. We found this out last week. She is 84 and they won’t be operating. This weighs heavy on me as I am the oldest child. I have two brothers that will help, too.

I will write later.

Love,
Connie

Oh, wow, the Lord is working. I told Mary and her boyfriend that I was just letting them go. Like I wrote before about it. I am not throwing the baby out with the bathwater concerning Mary. I am gonna walk with her through the valley of the shadows. Anyway, I invited her and Lane to the family reunion tomorrow. They can’t come so I invited them to my house for supper next week. Mary said she was so grateful that I did this, as she wants me to like Lane. I just said I don’t want to be in their business. I feel that they must carry their own load. It is not my load to carry. I put so much into Mary, as her Mother, and I am not going to just hold her wrong over her head and possibly lose her completely. But I asked Mary if she wanted for me to take them uptown for supper at a restaurant or if she wanted to eat here. Mary said she really wanted to come here. Lane offered to buy the groceries for supper. But I said no, that I had enough. Mary said, “Mom, I have missed your cooking so much.” And honestly, this is what she wants me to fix for the family dinner. “Burritos, bubble pizza, fried chicken and mashed potatoes, and Swiss steak made from hamburger with carrots and potatoes in it.” I said, “Nina (nickname), I can’t fix all of that for one meal.” So I told her I would fix one supper and then we can get together each week and I will fix something else. She was so happy on the phone. I hadn’t heard her laugh in so long. It was music to my ears.

Oh, raising a handmaiden for Jesus is hard. Ya gotta fight a war to do it. But I just have loved Mary so much. I have tried to give her up to the Lord and not call her and just let the Lord do whatever. But my love for her is so deep. I would just lay on the bed in grief. And as we love our kids, we shine the light of Jesus upon them and they can take care of their own sins. Mary is a writer and I pray that someday she will write for the Lord. I am so happy tonight as I feel the Lord’s hand upon Mary and me and Lane.

I now have to support myself and make this home run like it should. I just want to be found faithful to Papa’s six babies and his home. I am the example to my children. Papa’s brood. This is holy ground, this home. It is built on prayers and suffering.

And all things do indeed work out for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. Our mistakes that scar us for life are often turned into our greatest blessings. For how can we minister to broken hearts if we never had one? I am expecting so many miracles out of this trial with Mary. My heart has been so grieved for her that I have said to the Lord lately, “I am so glad, Lord, that I never had more then six children.” And I have never said that before. But my heart has been so broken that I felt I was having a heart attack. But tonight I feel relieved and happy. I heard Mary laugh and I heard her say, “I love you, Mom, and I miss all of your cooking.”

Well, I sure love Mary and I am willing to walk with her, no matter where she goes, because I could never give up on her. And I know the Lord won’t give up on Mary. She was my seventh child. I had one miscarriage. In the Old Testament, they would have stoned Mary. But I am just her Mother, a sinner, too, and not a priest. I am the intercessor who cries out to God on her behalf. I know I should be harder on Mary but I can’t, as she is Papa’s baby girl.

Mary Loved Papa

I just think Mary loved Jim so much and this is why she has picked Lane who is 19 years older then she is. Mary even, up until Jim died, would come and sit on his lap. He would give her anything he had. Jim loved all of his kids the same but he had a soft spot for Mary.

Jim loved us and wanted peace in our home. I know he is lookin’ out of heaven now with a smile that Mary and her Mama spoke in happiness and peace. Jim had been forgiven much and loved much. No matter what his kids did, they were his kids and he would tell me, “Mama, they will be OK. You taught them right.” And I would tell Jim that he taught them right, too, and he would say, “But you taught them more then I could.” Jim wasn’t one to preach. He just wasn’t a preacher. But he was a good man.

Ya know when I had all the kids home and the last three were like 1, 4 and 6, I would ask Jim to the store or some place just to get outta the house and away from the kids for a while. And Jim would feel so bad when I said that. He didn’t think a mother should ever feel overwhelmed with her babies. He would say, “Well, our kids are just as good as anyone else’s.” I would try to explain to him that I knew that but I was just needing some quiet peace. But I quit saying that stuff as he never understood it and it hurt his feelings. Later on, I would say to Jim, “Our kids are purebreds, right, Papa?” He would smile and say, “Yes they are.”

Jim remembered that I had forgiven him many times. And he treated our kids in the same way. What we sow in our marriage we will reap down the line.

I am learning slowly but surely that the greatest gift we can give our families is love. Love covers a multitude of sins. we need faith hope and love but the greatest of the gifts is love.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I was so upset this morning and I called our Mary at 5:00 AM. I told her I was calling the police if she didn’t get ahold of me. I was so worried about her. All of my friends said, “Leave it with God. Don’t call her.” But I just love her so much and I wanted to just hear her voice. She finally called me back. And I just got in agreement with her. We agreed to disagree. I finally feel better.

As with all of Papa’s seeds, I walk with them through the valley of the shadows of death. I told Mary that I could no longer carry this burden — it’s killing me. Mary is young and what she is doing looks right to her. And it has to look right to me, too, to a degree. We can’t as Mothers yell to a sinking child out on a raft in the dark, stormy seas and say, “Why are you so stupid, floating a raft in the dark on a night like this?” They are going to bounce off their own experiences which ain’t much and do what looks right to them. And I guess living with this guy looks right to Mary. And I am not willing to throw her life away — or, in other words, throw the baby out with the bath water. Or tear down the dang house because the window is broke. I am gonna get in there and walk this thing out with Mary.

I am not going to put her down. Yes, I judge her. We as believers are to judge a situation. I judge this situation to be wrong. But I am human and flesh and blood. I am part sinner and part righteous. God had to send Jesus in the flesh to speak to us as sinners. And Jesus walked with the sinners and brought them to salvation. God can’t touch the sin but he sent Jesus who was part man and part God. I just told Mary, “Let’s just forget it.” And I am going to forget it. She is my daughter and has the blessing of a righteous Mother upon her. She can’t ever change the fact that her Mother was a covenant keeper. And if she marries this guy she is with, then I will open my heart to him and bless him. God’s permissive will is better than throwing Mary into a life with unbelievers.

Mary has many gifts in the Holy Spirit. Problem is, she is a day late and a dollar short. She is young and lost a baby girl at only 7 weeks old, and now her Daddy.

This whole thing makes me want to die myself. And yet I won’t, just to make the devil mad. I had lost my moxie for a while but I feel it coming back. It’s in the back of my legs right now but is climbing up to my heart. Satan tried to put me down for my fire — told me I was no lady. I don’t know why I am such a character. I don’t know why I try to catch bullets in my teeth. Or chew gunpowder instead of gum. But if I lose my moxie, I feel naked.

But I know that we mothers will have to try something else. We are standing up to walls of brick that are crushing us to bits. We will, I think, on the hard cases have to give these kids the burdens of their own sins and smile and ask them out for lunch. Oh, my mercy. If they don’t love us, they won’t love God. We can’t teach them anything if they refuse us. We are Mothers and not priests of the home. We are the nurses who must comfort the sinner who doesn’t want to take their medicine. I taught Mary. I nursed her at my heart. I gave her all I had to give. I taught her the Word of God and have prayed for her with a heart that has nearly died of brokenness. I am not the priest of the home who can’t touch the sins of the people lest I be defiled. I am the flesh and blood Mother who carries Christ to the sinners.

What hurts me the most is that Mary will never know the love Jim and I had for each other. She will never understand how to stand for the marriage covenant like Jim and I did. And yet if she marries this guy, she will carry a sword — a thorn in the flesh that may make her the writer she was meant to be. All things work together for Good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. Brandon won’t fight for Mary. And to me, he is a priest.

Through the Valley of the Shadows

I was thinkin’ this morning about my dear Jim who died the first part of April of this year. He was my first and only husband. Not because we were both so easy to get along with, either.

For the new ladies coming on here who don’t know my testimony, I will tell it a minute. I was married in prison to Jim and then I got saved. For 12 years then, Jim was in and out of prison and we were separated many times. Then in 1979, God delivered Jim through many prayers and then God gave us 26 years of happiness in our marriage. The Lord gave me more then double joy for all the sorrow I had known. And I am so happy to say that I am glad I went with Jim through the depths of hell. I walked with him through chain gangs and court rooms and jail cells. I am glad I did. I don’t regret it. Boy, I feel that moxie comin’ up in my legs. I am not ashamed of the scars upon my heart. GLORY TO GOD!

I am not here to prove my reputation as a writer. I am gonna give you girls the truth. And while I went to the pits and into a maximum security state prison to tell my husband I loved him, I have also seen the miracles of God. I have flown on the high places of the earth with Jim. If Wild Man and I meet anywhere at all, it is that we meet in the miracles. And had I not been willing to go to Jim in the prisons, I wouldn’t get to see him when I die and fly to glory. And heaven wouldn’t be heaven without Wild Man.

Ya know I could have been a missionary and gone to other lands. But to pray for Jim and to see him become a good husband and father meant so much more to me. A missionary can win souls and go home if she gets sick. She gets a vacation sometimes to recuperate. But a wife to an unbeliever has no time to rest. And I am glad the Lord called me to this man to minister life and hope to him in a dark prison. I am glad to say I went as the Lord called me. The guards would taunt me and tell me that Jim was institutionalized. “He will always be in prison and never support a family or keep a job,” they told me. Well, he got healed and ended up supporting a wife and 6 children. He paid off the house I live in. So as a widow, I have no house payment. He kept up on the repairs of the house, too. I never worked a day in my life outside the home after he was saved. See, I was Jim’s wife, not his priest. I am a helper and not an end in myself.

Now the Lord calls me to maintain Jim’s memory. This morning I looked at my wedding picture up on the piano. I thought, “I will never remarry.” Ya know why? Because this Love Story of Jim’s and my life has to be told. I always have this feeling that I have never written anything. But what I write is just practice for what I really need to write someday. The Lord is waiting on the right time for the right words to be written. So in the meantime, I am practicing writing to you all.

Ya know when you follow God to the end and you finish the course, it gives ya courage. If I were to put all of Jim’s things away and start again on a new marriage, I think it would weaken my writing. I just want to somehow shout it from the housetops the miracles God gave me. I had a husband and he was the husband of my youth. I grew up with him and lived my life with him. I walked with him through the valley of the shadows. Through the darkness of prisons and jail cells. I learned to know God as Jim led me along, as I submitted to him as my husband. He was my priest in prison or out. He was my husband in good times and bad. We saw the Lord heal us supernaturally. We faced the hard times together with our kids. When we began to homeschool and those around us were going to jail, Papa said he would go if need be and I said, “No, I will go, Papa.” John used to tell Jim that if he spanked him, he could be put in jail. So Jim quit for a while. Then he told John that because he loved him, he wasn’t going to let him get away with his rebellion. And spanked him.

Yesterday I was watching Kambree (or Baby Rose, I call her in my writings). Anyway, I was taking out the trash. I took out the basket with papers. Kambree says, “Grandma, is that your office papers?” I said, “No, Grandma doesn’t have an office.” And she said, “My mom has an office and she can borrow it to you.” Oh, that lil child keeps me entertained. She will be 3 next month and really talks a lot.

Her daddy David, our fourth child, didn’t talk until he was 3. Well, he knew how to talk but just didn’t. So when he decided to talk, he talked in sentences really plain. The first time I heard him talk was when he got on the table and was eating the butter. I yelled at him from the living room to get down. He says back to me, “I can’t. I am too busy.” I said to Jim at the time, “Did that kid say he was too busy?” We couldn’t believe it, as he had never said nary a word before that.

Oh kids! What can you think of ‘em?

Dear Mothers,

I have Baby Olivia Rose today and Olivia J. this morning and I did yesterday, too. So I haven’t been writing much. Then every Saturday I have to go to the Drivers License place to flunk another test. All of that takes time.

Anyway, somebody HELP! Please pray for me that I will pass the drivers test without scaring the Driving Instructor to pieces. Why I took that poor woman on the ride of her life, I don’t know. If she could have given me a ticket, she would have. She sits there with her little clipboard writing and watching out the window as fast as she could go. She was reeeallly watching the speedometer as I was going very fast. About 50 in a 35 or 25 mile per hour zone. Why I did that, I don’t know. Annie says it was so I will be able to make people laugh. Well, it ain’t funny to me. I am so worn out by the end of the week, all I want to do is stay in bed on Saturday morning and rest. But NOOOOOO I have to go to the License Place and do something stupid.

I try to tell the Lord, “I am too old for this stuff.” Way toooo OLD? And folks want me to remarry? Can ya just see me marrying a guy who just escaped from a circus? A sword swallower or fire eater? I am so tired of being the Lord’s Court Jester. I mean I am Lucy on the Internet. It’s not fun to me. I just laugh about it, as I don’t know what else to do with myself.

Jimmy, my oldest son who has a degree in everything and is always politically correct and so is his wife, says to me about my license, “Mom, Aleks and I are very proud of you that after 38 years of driving, you are trying to get a license.” And he is serious. No kidding! Chrissy Joy in NYC says, “Mom, you were just probably nervous taking your test. When you take it the next time, just try to make believe you are driving without a license and you won’t be so nervous.” Well, see, I always pray when I am out driving without a license so I don’t speed or anything. I am a very safe driver except if a police woman is in the car. Her big silver badge and shirt all tucked in with a big leather belt made me crazy. Can’t I take my test with an Amish lady? Feminists “drive” me crazy.

My 84 year old Mother is trying to be mad at me for speeding but she breaks out laughing. I will be nicknamed “Speed” from now on. My kids will tell jokes about this until after they are dead and buried.

I do feel better after I have written about it. I am sorry and I will never do it again. If I do, I am just going to forget about getting a license. Well, if I did it again, they would throw me in jail. I am afraid to do this again. I hope I don’t have to go another Saturday.

My mom has some health problems and has to have some tests this week at the hospital. So maybe she won’t feel like taking me again for another Drivers Test. All in the world she wants in this LIFE is for her daughter to get a Drivers License before she goes on to Glory. I am wanting to give her this last wish if it is at all possible.

PLEASE PRAY for me. I am getting afraid to take the test again. The weirdest things happen to me when in the driver’s seat with a feminist. Seriously, though, I am tired of taking driving tests.

Love,
Connie

PS Another reason I got in trouble is for doing rolling stops? Well, we used to call them California stops? And I ain’t in California.

This evening I had John’s family over for supper. We had so much fun — we always do. I had spaghetti and bagels and fresh veggies and iced tea and pink lemonade. I got out my homemade grape wine and we all had a little glass. Johnny said it was really good and it is. I only let it ferment for about a week so it is very light. But it has a real twang to it. I put a gallon in the freezer for Christmas.

Anyway, we had a nice visit over supper, then we all went outside in the front and sat for a while. Johnny made Christine and me laugh like crazy. John is very tall and he took a ride on the big wheel with Romeo, age 4. Don’t ask me how he did it but he did. He pedaled with his hands. Johnny did this with such a serious look on his face. He and Romeo were going downhill as they passed me and Christine, as we sat in the lawn chairs. I told Christine, “This is how we lived. We were always entertaining each other like that as the kids were growing up.” We used to watch Carol Burnett and Christian Joy, our daughter, would be Mrs. Suewiggins and John would be the old man played by Tim Conway. Johnny, at about 4, would mess his hair up and shuffle slowly, then fall on his head. Johnny made me laugh all the time. John was my grace that was sufficient for me. God used John to give me joy in the worst of times.

Well, after being outside a while, we went to the back yard and I helped the kids pick plums and apples to take home. Also some decorative gourds for fall. I told the kids how much I loved it here in this old home place. All of it reminds me of Jim and our life together. And we got this house by faith for 150 bucks down and 135 a month. We just went out by faith and got it. Boy, I am glad to have it, too. I lived a faithful life before God and I am glad I did.

I told the kids, as we sat at the family table talking just before they left, how much I loved my old screen door here in the dining room. And how I love to look out that old door and see the plum tree and the morning glories. How much I love to hear the crickets chirp in the mornings. I never want to leave here except to go to heaven.

We got this home by faith and by faith kept it. So many stories left to tell about how the devil tried to take our home through someone cheating us and our house nearly went up on the auction block. But the Lord intervened. And then, of course, two fires. And so many times when we had almost no money and we went door to door selling baked goods to pay the house payment. And Papa paid off the house. This was his insurance policy to me. I always told him, “Jim, just pay off the house and don’t worry about leaving me money.” And he did and in this, he has given me security so that I don’t have to go out and work. Just babysit.

God has cared for me and I am so thankful. In my older age, I am now looking forward to some quiet days here at the house … and many miracles.