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In the Ruby sketches, I made Ruby’s hair whacked off and straight as a board. Well, ya know, the photos of the women in the  Depression era had those blunt short hair cuts, just whacked off? Looks like they used pruning shears. Well, Ruby being a rebel, in my sketches, has her hair like that with it down in her face. But Ruby was always daring, even before she come to the Lord. So I sketched Ruby with an edge. Thought you might like that, Annie.

Aunt Toot asked me when I could put the pics on the computer. But I guess and hope Sis will do this maybe after the art show or before. I dunno. The art show will be, I think, the first part of February. Sis is making the dress for Ruby out of feed sacks from Ebay to be “historically correct.” But by the time Sis is done with the dress, it will be “hysterically correct.” I think she is going to embroider cats on the dress because my story speaks of Ruby having five cats. Christian Joy is wildly creative, so God only knows what she will come up with. I am just shutting my eyes and hangin’ on for dear life. I hope she will take a lot of pictures.

But the Bible says in Proverbs 1:20 “Wisdom crieth without; she utters her voice in the streets.” It was hard to put Ruby in a big yellow envelope and send her to the streets of NYC but I trust she will like it there.

Also in the pic of Ruby in her kitchen, I have a sour dough pot on a shelf above Ruby’s head. I didn’t make Ruby’s still.

Dear Mothers,

Well, last night I got up in the night and wrote about how that recording with Aunt Toot went. I couldn’t sleep so decided to write at 1:00 in the morning. Then when I went to push send, I accidentally hit another button and lost the writing.

Well, I could summarize the taping by saying, "Have you ever seen the I Love Lucy show?" Anyway, when Ethel put the camera up to me to say something, I was like a deer in the headlights of a Mack Truck. I don’t think I was made to be in pictures. Well, maybe a horror movie. I think maybe I will have to do all my damage through writing. I wanted to say something but nothing came out.

The first two tapings were so funny that Toot had to run to the bathroom. Just before the taping, I lit a match for a candle then put the match out in my coffee. Seemed like a good idea at the time. We were totally crazy. Then we made ourselves quit laughing and then I got so serious, I looked like I would cry. It was such a mess. But Toot persevered to the end. She couldn’t get it all on the internet so what parts she kept God only knows.

We were trying so hard to get something decent taped but it was all but impossible. I felt so bad about it. I want to get a good strong video but I don’t know if I ever will. I think if I had a room full of close friends around me who could do the main talking, I think I would do OK. Because I am always pretty quiet when a friend comes to the house. It takes me a long time to say anything more then just visiting. And sometimes I don’t say hardly anything spiritual. It takes a lot to draw me out.

I think what Toot is looking for is to catch me "live" when I really get going and say spiritual things. It’s then that I get comical and spiritual at the same time. I unconsciously wait for an anointing to come before I say anything. I wait for that Holy Spirit wind to catch me up. Because I think in my heart right now I am unfortunately very grieved. And the natural thing that comes out of me is a silent grief. But when the Holy Spirit comes on me, then the Lord gives me a supernatural joyful spirit. I can laugh in my grief but it’s not a laughter that produces anything spiritual. But soon enough, if the Holy Ghost comes on me, then I get spiritual and the comedy is there but it isn’t the whole thing. Writing is perfect for me and goes with my personality. But anything live would be hard to catch me in. Toot is a friend I am pretty open with. She draws me out more than a lot of my friends do. So we thought this would work.

Well, Toot got some of it taped and put it on GodTube. Go see the results: Take One of the Titus 2 Mother and 2nd Try Of Words From Connie.

Dan called from Portland Oregon yesterday. Boy, what a snow storm they are having. Anyway, Dan said an old familiar phrase I used to say in cold weather. “I am frozen to the gilliards.” Well, it is below zero here today in Iowa and I am again frozen to the gilliards. I just have Olivia, 5 years old, so we are going to the store in a little while. I have to shovel out the driveway first. As the old hippies used to say, “Fun City!”

Jill said she always wanted to be a hippie in Alaska when her husband was in the service but she couldn’t drink all that tea. Those old hippie ways were good at times. The Jesus movement came in then and sort of blended with the hippies. We had a ball in our long skirts and bandannas. And this style is really back in NYC. So ladies of the hippie movement, go ahead and wear your long skirts and dangly ear rings. It’s OK — you are in!

Well, I am gonna make chili today before I leave or at least get it started. It’s a good day to make soup and maybe cornbread to keep the kitchen warm. I love to cook in the crock pot but I need something in the oven to warm up the kitchen. To make my chili, I just brown the hamburger or you could use deer meat. Anyway, after the meat browns I put in a half pkg of taco seasoning mix. My family likes it like this. I put in onions and green pepper and then the chili beans and tomatoes and water. I put in the plain kidney beans, too. It would be good with a can of black beans. I also like to put corn in it sometimes or macaroni. I make it different each time.

Wouldn’t it be fun to have recipes on a radio show and other household hints along with all of my radical messages on “Down with Feminism.” Well, it’s all in the Lord’s hands. I am waiting on Him. But I know something is in the air. An excitement, I guess. Satan has come in like a flood but the Lord will raise up a standard against him. He built me a testimony before when he tried to take my marriage. And now he tries to take my daughter.But I know God is able to do exceeding and abundantly more then I can think or ask. Satan can’t put anything on us that God don’t have authority over. When the Lord healed Jim, I shouted it to 90 countries through Above Rubies magazine. And now I hope that this thing with Mary will produce a radio show.

Love,
Connie

Well, ya know, if all fails, Christian Joy calls me from NYC and makes me laugh. Some of her newest dress creations are going to be in England at a museum. The museum is called the Victoria and Albert. Anyway, the museum picked out two dress creations Joy made and have been worn by the famous Karen O. But they want one now that is an original from Christian Joy designs that has never been worn. So Joy explains it so seriously to me on the phone and I am tryin’ to keep a straight face. “Mom, it is a dress made out of all kinds of macaroni and pasta. I will dye all of the pasta different colors.” I think, if it is true to form, she will buy a prom dress at the Salvation Army and decorate it with pasta. It will be glued on and look like beads. It does sound very pretty. How did I know when I fed her all that macaroni when she was young that she was envisioning wearing it on a dress? Oh, I am guilty. We used to take whole afternoons and make pictures on construction paper with glued on buttons and macaroni.

As Christian Joy and I laughed on the phone, I told her a story about when she was young. I was always making these skirts that were long and straight with a drawstring for a waist. Anyway, I had to go to the hospital and my mom had to take me. As I laid on the table at the hospital my mom says, tugging at my skirt, “What is this, anyway?” I was such an embarrassment to my mother. She always did everything by the style of the day. Well, most mothers did back then. But being a free thinker, I did everything off the wall. Well, it all comes back to me now. “Sorry Mom!”

Often Mom has said to me as I raised my kids, “They get all those crazy ideas from you.” Well, Aunt Jill was around, too, and I think she was wilder than me, almost, with her styles. Poor Christian Joy was surrounded by free thinkers and I don’t know if I am braggin’ or complainin’. A dress made out of macaroni? Well. I have to say it wasn’t something I would have thought of but I will be dogged if I ain’t a little proud of my Christian Joy!

Her designs are steering away a bit from the punk rockers to more costumes. One year she dressed David up as a mummy for Halloween. She wrapped him in a whole roll of toilet paper. Joy kinda, at this place in the game, lives, I think, at the skinny side of my faith. What I taught her here at home, to some extent, she shouts to the world. She tells her interviewers that her mom taught her to sew when she was 3 years old. Well, I did but Geeeezz!

Love,
Connie

Oh, mercy! I have wanted some high top black Converse tennis shoes to wear with long cotton skirts for this winter. Christian Joy called me yesterday and told me she had bought me some and was bringing them with her when they come for Thanksgiving. I said, “Oh, you found some.” Chrissy says, “Mom, New Yorkers wear these shoes with everything. You can buy them about anywhere in NYC.” Well, I can’t wait to get mine. I don’t shop. And if I can’t find them at the Salvation Army, then in my world no one sells ‘em.

I am so glad Sissy Joy is bringin’ me some high tops. PTL. My 84-year-old mother will have a fit. And as soon as she can, she will go out and buy me a pair of white tennis shoes that everyone wore in the 60s. Mom is still trying to guide me in my styles.

My aunt Lucille used to have such a fit over me. If all the relatives were gathered at a holiday meal, someone would say, “Connie, I love your outfit.” I would turn around and say, “Got it for 25 cents at the close out sale at the Salvation Army.” Oh, my aunt Lucille would just about faint. She would tell me in a whisper, “Connie, you don’t have to tell everyone what something costs.” She would tell me that I should just let people think I am well to do. But I always said that I wanted folks to know that whatever I had was attainable to anyone else.

When Christian Joy first went to NYC, she was a waitress for a while and made a lot of money in tips. But later on she decided to get into fashion. She would go to the Salvation Army and buy prom dresses and make other dresses out of them and sell them for a lot of money. One prom dress she made over, she wrote all of her old boyfriends names on the dress with magic marker. Someone bought it and paid a lot for the privilege. Anything original is what New Yorkers want.

I pray that Danny stays a long ways from NYC as he is so good looking. Christian Joy says the girls are just wild for him. He has moved to Portland but is real homesick. I see on the callers ID that he called last night after I was in bed. I will call him later on this morning. He had planned to come home for Christmas but knows all the kids will be here for Thanksgiving. I know his hungry heart longs to see his family. He could stay here but he says, “If I lived with you, Mom, you would make me be in by 8:00 every night.” Sounds good to me! Chrissy said Dan called her when he got to Oregon and told her he missed her and Jason. He was hiding in the bathroom to call her. He was talkin’ all sweet and one of the band members came in the bathroom to get something and Dan started talkin’ smack right away. Chrissy and I laughed over that.

Christian and her husband Jason will stay here over Thanksgiving. I adore Jason. He is like an angel from heaven for Christian Joy. He is the answer to every mother’s prayers. The last time they were here, he went upstairs and read as many of my Christian books as he could get ahold of. Like I said, Christian Joy accidentally married a Christian. Tell me God don’t answer prayers? Chrissy had bought the book I wrote but was afraid to read it. I don’t know if she ever read it. But Jason did and liked it. But everyone always said “Christian Joy will have to get outta NYC in order to find a good man and get married.” But ya know Jesus has a good sense of humor.

Both Christian and Jason are very much back to the land people. It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if they didn’t move to the wilderness some day. Joy and I have talked about it. Moving to a place and building a cabin where there is no roads or electricity. Jason would be game for that. I had a vision years ago of Joy standing by a wood stove in a cabin in the wilderness. She had long hair again like she did when she was 18. Oh, what a beauty she was! She was a model and on a local TV show. It was decent! From then on, I wanted to put sacks on my children’s heads so no one would see them.

Mama’s Nest

Oh, how we long to hold our babies close and never let them go. And, oh mercy! I am a mother of six children. I always said, “I had six only children.” Each of them was like an only child. Each one so complex and different. Jimmy an artist and has such thirst to learn and have degrees. He is a light designer by trade and still loves to take evening courses and get more degrees. His wife Aleks is studying to be a college English professor. Heck, I can’t even spell professor. But what does it matter? Then my little pixie, Christian Joy, who has made a name for herself in NYC. A designer, of course — what else, huh? Johnny is my inventor and artist and musician. Johnny is the type of kid that everyone says is like a late bloomer. We all sense something of greatness in him but we can’t put our finger on it. My dad had this gift, too, and was an inventor. Dad could always see his gift in Johnny. His wife and helper, Christine, sharpens Johnny and organizes his creative mind. David is a thinker and an artist. His drawings are so detailed and have such a message. David is so in love with his family. Danny is a weeping prophet. He will be a preacher someday. He has a strong call of God upon him. He always has had it, even from a child. He is very anointed of God.

And then there is Mary. “Oh, Mary, what will God do with you?” Little bird with two broken wings. Daddy died on one wing of your heart and your own baby died on the other wing. You soak up all of my love. Mother is like the Good Shepherd. While the ninety-nine sheep are all well, Mother seeks the dark forest for the lost lamb. She hears her cry in the night. Can Mother close her ears to her baby’s cry? Yes, I am thankful for all of my children, but I long so for Mary to be OK. I have to trust the true Shepherd that knows where Mary is. I have looked in the dark forest but I can’t find her. But God knows where she is. He knows. I don’t know.

Mary Lehman, the other day, was telling me that I had worried so about John when he was gone, on and off, for seven years. That boy drove me almost nuts. But one day as John was walking around Chicago, a Christian man came up to him and asked him if he knew the Lord. And John rededicated his life to Christ. Then John told a friend about the Lord. And this friend had a demon and it attacked John. And this guy took a broken bottle and almost cut John’s ear off. It had to be sewn back on. John did come back home and reunited with Jim and I. Then he married Christine. John is such a blessing now. And I know I have to trust in the Lord for Mary.

John and Mary are a lot alike — both dreamers and visionaries! But all of our children are individuals and, yes, they will be like us as mothers and as their daddies, too. But they have a part, too, that they have to be themselves. As mothers, we have to let them go and they will fly way above us and our teachings. They have to, as the world will not give them the breaks we have had.

Lord Jesus, help me to let Mary go.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Well, my dear David, age 26, gets out of jail tomorrow. He got picked up for driving without his license about three times. He got 10 days in the county jail. He got to go to work, though, because he has to pay for his stay there. It ain’t like it’s the Ritz Hotel or something.

I had his wife Tiff and the babies over for supper on Sunday. David called on the phone from his job and Tiff and I tried to be funny. I told David I was making a cake with a file in it to send to him and asked him if he wanted chocolate cake or yellow. Tiff tried to laugh on the phone and sing “Jail House Rock.” We managed to keep a smile as we talked to David but, oh, our hearts were heavy. We have all driven without a license so no one was pointing fingers. It’s just that David was to go to a class he had to pay for and couldn’t afford to go. Those jails are full of charges against people who can’t afford to pay bail or whatever. Anyone with any money don’t do time.

We have all felt so bad for David. I talked to Johnny about it and he says, “Aw, Mom, that ain’t gonna hurt David a bit. It’s just 10 days and he gets out to go to work.” I still hate it. Johnny said that David laughed as he told Johnny about the cake with the file. David was so worried that I would be so upset. I didn’t want to let David know how bad I felt. But we will all laugh our way out of this as we do everything else. But I wonder when the jokes will be over and only bare-bones reality will be here to stare at. Probably never!

I am thinking of jokes about all of this as I go. Anything to bounce my heavy heart to a new place. To bounce my children’s hearts to a place of courage. Aunt Toot encouraged me so much last night as she told me how wonderful my Happy Housewifery site looked. I haven’t seen all the pics that you all have seen. I have the email machine and it doesn’t go to other sites. Toot said the pics of the boys at Chrissy’s NYC wedding were so neat. And she told me all the other things on the site. And so many of you last night encouraged my heart on the response group.

And then I talked to Tiff on the phone last night. She and the babies had just gone to see David at work. David held the babies and held Tiff so tight. Tiff told me, “Connie, you have done such a good job raising your boys. They are all so affectionate with their families. I appreciate how you and Jim raised them. Each one of your sons are so loving.” She said that David held her so tight as he hugged her when he saw her come in at the store where he works. David, like Jim, is a loving father and husband.

All the kids are so loving with me except for Mary, and no matter how big they get they will sit on my lap. Mary loves me from a distance. She says, “Mom, I feel like its been a 100 years since I seen you.” Well, it seems like a lot longer then that to me. But as Mothers, we have to go through seasons of lack and seasons of plenty. I guess we just joke our way through and when we are alone, we cry our way through. But we can never let our kids think they have done too much wrong that they can never be forgiven by God or by us. John is in Missouri now and David is to take care of his widow Mother for now. I love teasing Johnny on the phone and tellin’ him that the guy he left in charge of me is in jail. And how can a jailbird take care of me?

This too shall pass.

Love,
Connie

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Dear Mothers,

Talked to Danny yesterday afternoon and he was getting ready to go to Oregon. He was staying with Christiane Joy the day before he left. He says, “Mom, Chrissy told Jason that they can’t have any babies until he learns to turn out the lights and she has a compost pile.”

Made me feel good that Chrissy was remembering the old ways of home. But I told Dan, “Well, why does Chrissy need a compost pile? She hasn’t got a yard.” In NYC, where she and her husband live, they don’t have hardly any patches of dirt to plant anything. But go Christian — she still has a compost pile. She puts it in a bucket, I guess. I don’t know what she is gonna do with it. But I guess she will enjoy composting it. It is a faith thing to me. She is seeding for a real garden in a family home.

Love,
Connie

Well, I was tellin’ Aunt Toot that I needed someone to show me how to get gas at the filling station? So Aunt T. and Jerry was to be in the area to go see Toot’s daughter. So they stopped here first to help me learn to get gas for the car? John and his family are back in Missouri now. Anyway, Jerry was to watch my cat while me and Aunt Toot went to get the gas. Well, Aunt Toot tries to tell me how to drive. Anyway, we get to the Gas Station and she shows me how to get gas and we go in the gas station to pay for it. Aunt Toot announces that I don’t know how to get gas because my husband died and all. And this clerk gets real sympathetic and Toot and I start to laugh and carry on. So we go out to start the car to go home and the car won’t start. So Aunt T. runs back home and it’s about 6 blocks (and she is old) to get her husband Jerry. Meanwhile, the Pepsi Cola delivering guy tries to start the car but it won’t work. And then Jerry comes and messes with the battery and it worked. Toots yellin’ “She needs a man.” And Jerry says, “We are claimin’ one for ya.” And I am yellin out the window as I peel out, “AAAAh Shut UP.” And Aunt Toot is screamin’ “YOU need a man!”

I tell ya, I shudda known this would be an adventure. It’s a good thing the gas station wasn’t busy.

Well, I forgot the funniest part. When the car wouldn’t start and Aunt Toot and I were in the car tryin’ different things to get it goin’, Toot says, “Oh, I forgot — you live by faith” and she cuts loose in tongues. I am laughin’ so hard as I write this that I can hardly stand it. She is so used to crazy things happening to her and me whenever we get together. The cat will play the piano or there will be a strange sound at the door and I will tell Toot, “It’s just the cat,” and so she will go look and it won’t be the cat. Things happen to her here that she never forgets.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I have a bit of time to write. The Lord has been speaking to me in the past few days about Spiritual Warfare.

Yesterday I was watching Fox News and they were showing clips of Hilary Clinton with Bill. I thought to myself, “Boy, that woman is so smart.” I don’t agree with her. She has a wicked agenda. And she knows if she stays married to Bill, she will get a whole lot further than if she divorces him. I mean I cant imagine that the feminists put up with her. But anyway, Hilary isn’t going to allow her husband’s proven adultery to interrupt her wicked agenda. She wants partial birth abortion, etc. to be legal, and gay rights, and she won’t let anything, even her husband’s adultery, interrupt her.

To be truthful, I feel like the whole country is run by the Mafia. It’s the big businesses that support the leadership in our country, not the people. Folks say that if we don’t vote then we give up our rights to help run the country. But the folks up for election are not who I would vote for, anyway. Prayer is all that will help our country. But ya know if we look at Hilary and some of those die hard politicians, we should see how to fight spiritual battles. I mean reporters publish lies about these candidates running and there is no truth in it. I mean on either side! But these politicians just keep on smilin’ and never skip a beat. Because they have an agenda that they want to happen and they don’t mind taking a hit for it or well … doing whatever it takes. But we as Christian wives cry if things don’t turn out just the way we want and we want to bail out. But those rats on the hill know how to wait it out. I mean most of them do or they won’t get anywhere.

The Lord was speaking to me this morning about the Mafia. I mean these guys are not punk hoods. These guys mean business and are strong for wickedness. And this is what I think the Bible speaks of when it talks about powers and principalities and wickedness in high places. But we as believers don’t understand true wickedness and so we don’t know how to deal with it. We think that God will send us a Sunday school lesson and then we will get our prayers answered. But we are dealing with a much stronger adversary then what we know. We have to be warriors and have to know the devil’s strategy.

Gosh, the Lord wants me to say more here that I don’t want to say. Well, ya know when Wild Man went to prison the first time, he was young. Anyway, he said that when a young man went in there that sometimes an older guy would want to make a girl out of the young man. Wild Man said that this guy approached him and he took a big club and tried to beat this guy to death. Well, word got out in the yard that Wild Man was no one to mess with. After that Wild Man did OK and the worst of the men were his friends. And on the street, before I was saved, everyone knew that if anyone was to mess with ya even a little bit, then you were to deck ‘em … right off. Don’t play games, just deck ‘em. In other words, make the first punch count? Well, we as wives and mothers who are dealing with all kinds of wickedness have to be like a gangster at times. I mean if we would take a few lessons from them we would be out ahead.

We need to pray and believe God and then we need to stand lean and mean and not let the devil see us sweat. We need to forget Dr. Dobson and Billy Graham’s generation. Forget the Sunday School lessons. We need to be street rats for Christ. Jesus Christ was a warrior. He was a Revolutionist. I think we Mothers need some Moxie and attitude. We should make the devil afraid of us. We need to be quiet and still and make the devil wonder what we are up to. I mean rather then spilling our guts to everyone who will listen.

Spiritual Battles

But ya know I learned a lot from Jim as far as raising the family. He had done some very hard time. And when we were just plain up against a wall raising our kids, we would just not move either way. We would just hang back until the Lord answered our prayers. We didn’t want to start screaming bloody murder and yet many people would have. But we would just remain silent. Satan will set you up to give up. But if you just remain silent, he can’t lead you on with fear.

The people in the Bible were fighters against the evil about them. Their lives were a continual life and death situation. But once we pray, we need to get an attitude about it and refuse to fear. We need to stand as having done all to stand. We need to be confident in Him and steady ourselves. In this, making those who contend against us to wonder what we are up to.

Again we just need to remain steady, confident, and silent but deadly.

Love,
Connie