Yesterday I was watching Kambree (or Baby Rose, I call her in my writings). Anyway, I was taking out the trash. I took out the basket with papers. Kambree says, “Grandma, is that your office papers?” I said, “No, Grandma doesn’t have an office.” And she said, “My mom has an office and she can borrow it to you.” Oh, that lil child keeps me entertained. She will be 3 next month and really talks a lot.

Her daddy David, our fourth child, didn’t talk until he was 3. Well, he knew how to talk but just didn’t. So when he decided to talk, he talked in sentences really plain. The first time I heard him talk was when he got on the table and was eating the butter. I yelled at him from the living room to get down. He says back to me, “I can’t. I am too busy.” I said to Jim at the time, “Did that kid say he was too busy?” We couldn’t believe it, as he had never said nary a word before that.

Oh kids! What can you think of ‘em?

Dear Mothers,

A good friend of mine and I were talking on the phone a few days ago. She is a mother of a few children and is having a hard time figuring out submission to her husband. Her question was “How do you submit to a husband and tell him the truth at the same time when he is going the wrong way?” Well, we women of today don’t really understand having a servant’s heart. See, in the first books of the Bible, we had leaders like Noah and Moses. But most of the Bible characters that we take our teachings from were servants to ungodly kings in authority over them. Daniel and his friends did defy the king when they were asked to out and out defy God. But they were obedient daily, before that, to an ungodly ruler.

Our big acts of disobedience ain’t gonna be noticed if we are all the time fighting our husband’s authority. Sarah obeyed her husband again and again. She obeyed to be sold into adultery. Of course, God intervened on her behalf as she was chosen of God. And God will do the same for you. But we do have to earn our right to be heard. Not earn it from our husbands but from the Lord.

The Lord turns the heart of our husbands, not us. We do not win our husbands to the Lord or to His will by our words. We win them by our acts as told in the Word of God as Keepers at Home. Also as we reverence and praise our husbands. Just because we say “Yes Sir” and “No Sir” that isn’t obeying our husbands as unto the Lord. The Lord has to be first in our lives. The Marriage Covenant has to be what we put first. We obey and reverence our husbands out of our obedience to God.

In the case of the captain and the soldier, the soldier may know a lot more then the captain. The soldier may have the wisdom of God and have a Godly Mother praying for him. But when they go to war, the soldier can’t, all of a sudden, decide he is going to take over the battle and throw the captain in a foxhole. The soldier may BE RIGHT from his place of “seeing his” authority. But the soldier was not called of God to lead but to follow. And we women are called to follow as taught in the Word of God. We are absolutely not to take authority in our homes. As unknowing soldiers, we will cause much damage and will allow the spirit of deception to run rampant. You may be right on some things, dear soldiers, but being right in some of this stuff is not going to matter except maybe for the day. But you will win the battles daily and lose the whole dang war. And you will never get your battles over with — you will fight them daily until you die. Let go of that authority and let your husband make his own mistakes. See, as you hold authority over your husband, especially spiritually, you are unleashing witchcraft in your home.

Ya know yesterday’s writing about my driving? A lot of that was with tongue in cheek. But today I am not kidding you. I mean there is a wind of witches gathering as we speak. Who are they after the most? The HOUSEWIFE — the keeper at home. Don’t think that God is magically going to save you wives who used to be submissive and he will reward you. No way, lady! You either fight this thing to the end or give up and fall in your own grave.

Most of the men and women in the Bible were under the authority of unbelievers, including Jesus Christ. No one got to do what they wanted unless they were a King. Well, Jezebel got to do what she wanted, up to point. But that ol’ girl lived a short life and died a horrid death. No, dear heart, if you can’t submit to your husband, who you can see, you aren’t submitting to God who you can’t see.

A, this writing is not aimed at you. Several have asked me about submission to our husbands lately. Many of you are having a problem with it lately because of the heresy out there in Christendom is very strong right now. Deception is very strong right now. Do what is right. Cast the evil out.

Oh, there is a storm cloud brewin’ and the religious feminists are gathering. The worldly feminists aren’t dangerous — they are just plain foolish. But the religious feminists are the ones to run like h— from. They have power from Satan and they are after the housewife. They want to kill her husband and take her covering. They want to flush her out into the world where she has no protection.

Ya know I think we Keepers at home have the wrong picture of the submissive wife. I have seen a woman who I used to know. She didn’t even read the Word of God for herself. Her husband read it and interpreted it for her. Well, that’s OK to an extent. But she needs to read the Word, too. She is God’s daughter and He wants to fellowship with her. Now Mary, Jesus’ mother, didn’t go ask any man if it was OK that she was impregnated by the Word of God. Elisabeth disagreed with her husband. See, some women stand around in fear and say they are submissive wives. That is not a true virtuous woman. The true virtuous woman is a woman of great faith in God. She is enough in herself that she can submit to an ungodly husband. She trusts in God and His plans for her life.

Ya know I have told you in past writings of the vision I used to have of myself. I was a work horse always hitched up to a cart. I had blinders on and was under authority. The church ladies ran and were always loose in the meadow having a ball. I was always upset as I couldn’t run free like they did. But God had me bridled for a purpose. I didn’t like it but I have learned that this bridling was for a reason. Eventually, the other wild mares were caught and tied up in a crowded barn. They had no one special person to love them. They would never submit to a bridle, a place of dignity and purpose. No one man or woman has a right to say they can do as they want and they don’t have to answer to anyone. All of us as Christians will have to be willingly strapped to a place of dignity or we will be given up on and let out with the herd. We may run free all of our lives but we will miss God’s best for us.

You can’t shoot a gun without aiming. You may shoot the target accidentally but it’s doubtful. We must willingly lay down our lives to purpose and dignity with our families. We must fight the good fight to show our children how to do it. Our trials are not set before us to destroy us but to cause us to win a spiritual battle.

I used to say to God, “Lord, what are you going to do in my life?” He would say to me, “I don’t know until you act — until you decide what you are going to do.” God is waiting on us to act in either obedience or disobedience. Oh, sure, God has a purpose for us and our families. He calls us as women of God to special callings in the home. One of us may be stronger as a wife more then a mother. We may have a special gift to be a wife to an unsaved husband. But God can’t go over the top of our will and make us be a special wife. We may have this calling but we can abort this seed of truth in our hearts.

Most of us, I would say, don’t totally fulfill the great calling of God on our lives. Why? Because we become discouraged. Mostly we believe the lies of Satan. He tells us we will never make it and then we tell everyone we know, including our kids, that we will never make it. We tell all the neighbors and all our Christian friends that we will never make it in this life. Then we give everyone a list of reasons why we won’t make it. How our husbands will never amount to a hill of beans, and on and on we travel, telling everyone what the devil said about us. Well, we curse ourselves. And it’s all a pack of lies, anyway.

God gives us the truth on how to win an unsaved husband to the Lord. “But it takes too long, Lord.” But I am here to tell ya, sweetheart, it takes a lot longer disobeying God. We are called to long suffering. We are called to wait upon the Lord and trust in Him.

Any wife standing before her husband, in fear shivering in her boots, is not a picture of a virtuous woman. Ya know Jim told our boys many times as they got older, “Don’t ever mess with your Mother — you will be sorry you did.” It’s not because I was so tough but Jim knew that my God was going to get him if he didn’t take care of me and protect me as a good husband should. In everything Jim ever wrote, he wrote, “Men, take care of your families.” Wild Man learned that the hard way. Not because I prayed curses on him when he deserted me. But because I blessed him and loved him through his life as a rebel. I truly loved him and he felt comfortable enough to tell me his sins. I humbled myself before him and he humbled himself before me.

Now all of this didn’t come overnight, as you well know. But God did humble Jim over the long haul. And often, in the end, Jim would ask for advice from me. I didn’t give Jim unasked for advice. But there were times, in the past few years, that he would almost beg me to tell him what I thought about this or that. I felt very honored that he did ask me about what I felt. I mean day to day, I was able to say what I thought about surface stuff. But the big decisions, I let him make them. Often I would hug him as he was going out the door to work and I would whisper in his ear, “Give not thy strength to women or thy ways to which destroy kings.” I tried to let Jim pray about things and get a word from the Lord on his own. I mean you don’t want a pansy man who can’t think on his own. We train our men often as wives to do evil.

Many of you women are very powerful in God. When you go to swing that spiritual ax, you could knock out about a hundred folks you didn’t even mean to swing on. You need to control the spiritual part of yourself and be sure to aim at what you plan on killing. If you can’t shoot that spiritual gun and aim it right, then God won’t let you shoot it at all. God gives the spiritual power to the women He can trust. Those who know how to aim. To the women who will willingly stand still as the bridle is buckled around her. She will willingly stand still as the blinders are put upon her eyes. She is not afraid of the halter of dignity. She hears the voice of Jesus and obeys Him.

Many of us wives, we don’t hear GOD’S voice. We hear and obey Satan. He buckles you up with fear and tells you you won’t make it, and you obey him and fear. We are to resist evil and refuse to be tied up to it. Don’t let Satan rope you and gag you. We are to hear the voice of God. If we won’t take on the bridle of dignity and purpose, then how can Jesus lead us to Victory? If we won’t listen to our Father, then how will we find our purpose as Christian Wives and Mothers? It isn’t all up to God as we go around cursing our families. He may give us a command but if we are refusing His tug in our mouth to go left, then why do we blame Him? If we refuse His warnings and His voice, then why do we blame Him when things go wrong? And though a righteous man (woman) fall seven times, she will not be utterly cast down. That’s a part of learning the walk of the virtuous woman, is to fail. But we are not utterly cast down. Our scars make us tough.

Spiritual knowledge is better than natural strength. Our spiritual knowledge and spiritual strength, bridled under housewifery and wifely submission, is a powerful weapon of warfare. We are Covenant Keepers. God will not bless us outside of His Covenant. Inside His Covenant is peace and power. Inside the Covenant, we will see many miracles. The blood of Jesus is shed for His commands and Promises. If you want Him in on your family, then stand for His marriage Covenant. Many will do mighty works in His name that He will cast them out because they don’t know Him. His Covenant is nothing they fought for. They have ignored Him as they have ignored His Word. They refused to be bridled to serve Him.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I have Baby Olivia Rose today and Olivia J. this morning and I did yesterday, too. So I haven’t been writing much. Then every Saturday I have to go to the Drivers License place to flunk another test. All of that takes time.

Anyway, somebody HELP! Please pray for me that I will pass the drivers test without scaring the Driving Instructor to pieces. Why I took that poor woman on the ride of her life, I don’t know. If she could have given me a ticket, she would have. She sits there with her little clipboard writing and watching out the window as fast as she could go. She was reeeallly watching the speedometer as I was going very fast. About 50 in a 35 or 25 mile per hour zone. Why I did that, I don’t know. Annie says it was so I will be able to make people laugh. Well, it ain’t funny to me. I am so worn out by the end of the week, all I want to do is stay in bed on Saturday morning and rest. But NOOOOOO I have to go to the License Place and do something stupid.

I try to tell the Lord, “I am too old for this stuff.” Way toooo OLD? And folks want me to remarry? Can ya just see me marrying a guy who just escaped from a circus? A sword swallower or fire eater? I am so tired of being the Lord’s Court Jester. I mean I am Lucy on the Internet. It’s not fun to me. I just laugh about it, as I don’t know what else to do with myself.

Jimmy, my oldest son who has a degree in everything and is always politically correct and so is his wife, says to me about my license, “Mom, Aleks and I are very proud of you that after 38 years of driving, you are trying to get a license.” And he is serious. No kidding! Chrissy Joy in NYC says, “Mom, you were just probably nervous taking your test. When you take it the next time, just try to make believe you are driving without a license and you won’t be so nervous.” Well, see, I always pray when I am out driving without a license so I don’t speed or anything. I am a very safe driver except if a police woman is in the car. Her big silver badge and shirt all tucked in with a big leather belt made me crazy. Can’t I take my test with an Amish lady? Feminists “drive” me crazy.

My 84 year old Mother is trying to be mad at me for speeding but she breaks out laughing. I will be nicknamed “Speed” from now on. My kids will tell jokes about this until after they are dead and buried.

I do feel better after I have written about it. I am sorry and I will never do it again. If I do, I am just going to forget about getting a license. Well, if I did it again, they would throw me in jail. I am afraid to do this again. I hope I don’t have to go another Saturday.

My mom has some health problems and has to have some tests this week at the hospital. So maybe she won’t feel like taking me again for another Drivers Test. All in the world she wants in this LIFE is for her daughter to get a Drivers License before she goes on to Glory. I am wanting to give her this last wish if it is at all possible.

PLEASE PRAY for me. I am getting afraid to take the test again. The weirdest things happen to me when in the driver’s seat with a feminist. Seriously, though, I am tired of taking driving tests.

Love,
Connie

PS Another reason I got in trouble is for doing rolling stops? Well, we used to call them California stops? And I ain’t in California.

This evening I had John’s family over for supper. We had so much fun — we always do. I had spaghetti and bagels and fresh veggies and iced tea and pink lemonade. I got out my homemade grape wine and we all had a little glass. Johnny said it was really good and it is. I only let it ferment for about a week so it is very light. But it has a real twang to it. I put a gallon in the freezer for Christmas.

Anyway, we had a nice visit over supper, then we all went outside in the front and sat for a while. Johnny made Christine and me laugh like crazy. John is very tall and he took a ride on the big wheel with Romeo, age 4. Don’t ask me how he did it but he did. He pedaled with his hands. Johnny did this with such a serious look on his face. He and Romeo were going downhill as they passed me and Christine, as we sat in the lawn chairs. I told Christine, “This is how we lived. We were always entertaining each other like that as the kids were growing up.” We used to watch Carol Burnett and Christian Joy, our daughter, would be Mrs. Suewiggins and John would be the old man played by Tim Conway. Johnny, at about 4, would mess his hair up and shuffle slowly, then fall on his head. Johnny made me laugh all the time. John was my grace that was sufficient for me. God used John to give me joy in the worst of times.

Well, after being outside a while, we went to the back yard and I helped the kids pick plums and apples to take home. Also some decorative gourds for fall. I told the kids how much I loved it here in this old home place. All of it reminds me of Jim and our life together. And we got this house by faith for 150 bucks down and 135 a month. We just went out by faith and got it. Boy, I am glad to have it, too. I lived a faithful life before God and I am glad I did.

I told the kids, as we sat at the family table talking just before they left, how much I loved my old screen door here in the dining room. And how I love to look out that old door and see the plum tree and the morning glories. How much I love to hear the crickets chirp in the mornings. I never want to leave here except to go to heaven.

We got this home by faith and by faith kept it. So many stories left to tell about how the devil tried to take our home through someone cheating us and our house nearly went up on the auction block. But the Lord intervened. And then, of course, two fires. And so many times when we had almost no money and we went door to door selling baked goods to pay the house payment. And Papa paid off the house. This was his insurance policy to me. I always told him, “Jim, just pay off the house and don’t worry about leaving me money.” And he did and in this, he has given me security so that I don’t have to go out and work. Just babysit.

God has cared for me and I am so thankful. In my older age, I am now looking forward to some quiet days here at the house … and many miracles.

Ya know this afternoon, the Lord was speaking to me about miracles. Ya know when Jim was saved, healed, and delivered, he just changed personalities. I remember the first time I went to the grocery store and laid real money on the counter instead of food stamps. What a miracle that was. Jim was working steady and bringing the money home to me. I used to get so happy about my miracle that the Joy would be so powerful, I couldn’t contain it. I had to pray, “Lord, don’t give me so much Joy all at once. I can barely take it all.” It was like being pumped up with air like a balloon. I felt like the joy would make me POP. Really, a lot of times I didn’t even have words to express what I felt. I saw before my eyes such signs and wonders. So many workings of miracles.

Folks would stop at the house and see Jim at the head of the table and all of his family gathered about. As I would find another chair to seat a guest, we would all prepare to pray. Jim would start out every evening meal prayer with “Thank you, Lord, for my darling wife Connie.” Then he would pray for everyone including the guest. And finally the food. Folks would ask me, “How did Jim get healed? Did he go to church and get the demons cast out or what?” I would say that it was just answered prayer.

It was all so out of this world. Jim was so notorious as he left us so many times for 12 years. He was always in the paper for robbing stores or whatever. I would just keep praying and believing God. I would tell folks, “God is gonna give me a miracle.” And then people would say, “Well, you are the miracle to put up with him.” And, oh, he was such a nightmare. And I didn’t do all that good with any of it all. I just wouldn’t let go, no matter how bad things got — I just kept on going.

Of course, Jill and Dixie and so many others encouraged me at different times. But ya know mostly it gets down to you and God. It really has to be you and God. Folks can encourage ya and cheer ya on but, bottom line, it has to be that you believe God.

Right after Jim got saved, Mary and Russ L gave us this nice white station wagon. The Lord gave us many blessings. The Lord did supernatural miracles to show me that Jim was truly healed and I didn’t have to worry anymore. The Lord healed my wounded soul. He came to bind up the broken hearted and to set the captive free. And ya know the Lord gave me 26 years then of happiness. I mean we had a few ups and downs but not many problems to speak of. Now lately it’s been so hard with Jim’s passing and the grandchild’s death. And now Mary’s problems. But really for about 26 years, I had a lot of peace and rest. Papa took such good care of all of us. He was such a miracle in all that he did. We had many miracle healings in that 26 years. But lately, what hell it’s been.

I am asking the Lord for some peaceful years up ahead. The Bible says “Mark the righteous man or woman the end of that man is peace.” I am looking now for some peaceful years up ahead.

I used to tell the Lord I would need an eternity to praise Him for healing Jim and giving me a happy marriage. As I stand here writing in my miracle house, I think of how all the miracles have kept me alive. I have lived on them. God doesn’t let us down. He really don’t. If you stay with His covenants and you pray and do not let go, you will see His glory. I can promise you. You will see His glory.

Dear Mothers,

Well, I have baby Olivia Rose (5 weeks) this morning. She is sleeping so I will have some time to write.

Mercy! I was watching Joyce M this morning and man alive. She is just out and out putting down the submissive wife. She says that a preacher tried to tell her that her husband should preach and she should be quiet at home. So her husband tried to preach and he didn’t know how. So she preached and won many to the Lord. And she told how the crowds followed her. None of what she said was backed up by scripture. She is getting her calling from looking at her experiences.

Ya know my daughter Christian Joy told me once over the phone — as she calls me often — she told me years ago, “Mom, anyone can get an audience. There are so many crazy people out there.” She told me that on the internet, you can sell about anything and someone will buy it. I have always remembered that. Just because a lot of people follow you, it don’t mean you have the truth. In fact, if crowds of women follow you in this sin sick world, it probably means you don’t have the truth. But it just galls me that so many women are following Joyce. And now so many women preachers are coming forth.

It bothers me that on Christian TV, there is no representation of the women of strength and dignity. I wish I could be on Joyce’s show and, man alive, I would tell it all. Let me tell ya. What bothers me a lot is the old church women on TV who are screaming at the young women to not live in an abusive marriage. It’s so sick. You get out of abuse by going against God’s word? The abuse starts in your own heart and must end there. You need to be built up in God. Getting a divorce isn’t going to change you inside. You will bring your tattered and torn personality into the next marriage, too.

Then Joyce has this woman on there who had a testimony of living in abuse and how she got out and happily married someone else. Oh, God help us. But when that woman was being abused, a Titus 2 Mother should have come to her from the church and showed her how not to be abused. Women who are so torn down are torn down to start with … without an abusive husband. And there are men this way, too. Some men are just battered by their wives but won’t say anything, as they don’t want to lose the home or children.

Letting yourself be abused is self destruction and it’s no one’s fault but yours. I feel like a fart in a storm again trying to write this stuff. Abused children are different as they don’t know how to get out of the situation — because they are children? But what are some of these women going to do when they reach heaven? Blame their lives on their husband? And then they think they will be excused because they didn’t trust in God?

Especially Christian women need to learn to love an abusive man. A Christian is called to love more, not less. We are to love our enemies and bless those who curse us. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord I will repay. God is to fight our battles for us. And most women in this age are abusing their husbands. The wife is to submit, but a man should not submit to an abusive wife. But when dealing with an abusive husband, you should know right from wrong and not submit to evil. You must be as Esther was before the King. You can pacify your husband but you have your own agenda with God in your heart. No one owns your mind except for God. These Christian women that have to be LARGE AND IN CHARGE don’t have the guts Esther had. They win a few battles but always lose the war.

“Oh, Father God, encourage and raise up true women of God in this hour as lights in this present darkness.” So many watching Christian TV are being led to Satan’s pit. Arise, oh daughters of Zion. Come forth, dear Daughters of a New Revolution!

Ya know no one in their right mind would ever publish this stuff I write about wife abuse. So I am glad I have my own group. I guess I publish it myself.

But ya know Lady preacher takes out the cross of Christ. She speaks of Christ at the cross. But no one ever speaks about the death of self. About crucifying the flesh as the Bible speaks of. Or taking up our cross daily and following Him. The death to self and the exaltation of Christ is the teachings in the Bible. No, what we have in the modern church is death to Christ and exaltation of self. Joyce teaches about the confident women. And God says our confidence comes as we abide in Him and crucify the flesh. We are not to exalt ourselves but we are to exalt Christ.

Many are scared spitless in this present day. With wars and rumors of wars, we are much afraid at times. And so people try to get a false sense of security by acting tough and trying to be confident. Well, Jesus is the conquering hero, not us. Let me tell ya somethin’, Darlin’, we are in a mess in our country. I don’t trust either party. I live daily with Jesus. Yes I get afraid. But each new day, I give my fears to Jesus and I wait upon Him.

We want quick fixes. If we do this and that, then we will be OK. We feel confident as someone gives us a formula for success. But it is not us who will take ourselves through but only Jesus. 1 Peter 2 and 3 says in the King James version that Jesus is the example to the abused wife.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Oh, lately nothing has ministered to me as much as looking out my side screen door. It’s right behind me as I write. That old black screen door is maybe 50 years old at least. It’s wooden and has an old screen in it on the outside and then a strong one on the inside. I imagine in the old days, the children kept breaking it out and a Daddy nailed a stronger screen on the inside. Anyway, between the screens I have placed flowers that I have dried.

Johnny mowed just lately but the grass was getting pretty high out the side yard and I loved it. Oh, it looked so old fashioned with Dixie’s windmill out there and the gourds growing around it. See, Iowa became a state in about 1850 something I think. So the house I live in is one of the first ones built in Iowa. I let my wild herbs grow in my yard as to take the land back to the way it once was. I have old fashioned flowers, too, that come up each year. The flowers I am enjoying right now are the morning glories. In the fall, these glories cover everything. They have blue flowers and purple, white and pink. They grow up the house and all over. Many people hate them as they intertwine everything but I love them. If I could, I would just let the grass grow in certain areas of my yard. I love the tall grass and old kinds of flowers as they sway in the summer breeze.

I am so happy here with my home as Papa had it. Jim loved nature and back to the land things. Papa wasn’t much with words. I never got into a word war with Jim as I knew I would win. I mean without really winning? But, oh, we connected in many ways. Mostly over homemade bread or a fresh apple pie.

Papa ran after me in his heart, always afraid of losing me to something. One time, he wrote about how glad he was, as I had told him that I had abandoned myself to him and our children. Jim wanted all of me and didn’t want to share me. It was a sacrifice to him to give me up as a writer. It was a sacrifice to me, too. All I ever wanted was Jim and the children and our home. I wanted to have children through my 50s. But Jim used to tell folks that one of the reasons he ran away from his family in the old days is because he had put me on such a pedestal and didn’t think he could keep up with me. Often I told him I loved him and only him. But in the early years he would say, “You only love me because God told you to.” Little did he know that I truly loved him with or without God.

When I first met Jim, I just loved him right off the bat. I ate bullets for breakfast and nothing less than Jim would do. I still remember how he held me as we danced our first slow dance together. The other day, as I had gone to the store, I heard a song on the radio. I had to listen to it in the car before I went in the store. The singer was a son asking God to let his Mom dance one more time with his father who had died. Well, Papa and me will dance again with golden slippers on golden streets.

But as I write this morning, I can feel Papa’s spirit as I feel the cool breeze coming through the old screen door behind me. And I hear locusts and the crickets chirp. “Oh, Papa, yes, I will pick the apples this morning. I picked the wild plums yesterday.” Jim always called me away from my daydreaming and writing to the Prairie Land and to the works of righteousness. Papa was a dreamer, too — a visionary. But he didn’t know how to tell me what he had dreamed.

I talked to Danny, our son age 24, last week. He went to NYC to find himself and to get discovered as a musician. Feeling kinda like a failure as a mom, I said to Dan (my fifth child), “Danny, did Dad and I do anything right raising you kids?” He said, “Oh, Mom, you and Dad did everything right. Us kid had a ball growing up. We learned to be creative and to do things on our own.” But I said, “Danny, do ya still love the Lord? And what is the best thing Dad and I taught you personally?” Danny said the best and most important thing we taught him was that he could make it one way or the other. That nothing could take him down. I asked Dan if he liked NYC and he said that he missed home and the garden and the fruit trees. He misses Papa, as we all do. But the City is mostly concrete and he misses the wild flowers and what he grew up with.

I haven’t made a loaf of bread since I lost my Jim. My heart land has not rained and my heart has been dry and covered with sand. But it will bloom again I see it in my visions. I see specks of dreams that I am going on — as Dan says, “Mom, you and Dad taught us to never give up.”

Danny and I laughed about the year the gas bill got so high. And how we turned the heat off altogether and wore our coats in the house. The bill went to 25 bucks after being 500 and some dollars. Our outside dog would cry by the kerosene burner but I wouldn’t turn it on until just before the family was up for breakfast. We laugh about how Mom outlasted the dog. I would tell the dog that if I could make it without fur, then she could make it, too. Even our dog was a survivor. She lived to be 15 years old. The only time she saw a vet was when we took her to have her put down. She was old and had pneumonia.

One time John was chasing this kid his age with a bat. Jim saw him and chased John, trying to stop him. John said, “Dad, he called Mom a bit–.” And Jim said, “Oh, OK” and let John go. Always a story to tell!

I guess we just didn’t have much money to take us through and we refused to give up on anything. As I write, I look at my family table still set for 7 or 8 people. Oh, the stories I could tell. Stories of just plain not givin’ up. Papa and me would just say, “Well, we will just make it somehow.” Then Jim would smile and pretend to tip his hat. “We always do.”

But ya know a lot of it had to do with going back to the land. Going back to basics. There is a secret there. The Depression era Mothers did the same thing when they lost everything. They went back to the land and made a home. This old home of mine went through the Depression era and stood tall and strong and I will, too. And in my desert, I will bloom as the desert rose. And as I tip my hat to Papa in heaven, I say, “And, yes, Papa we will make it as we always do.”

Enduring Hardness

2 Timothy 2:3 speaks of enduring hardness as good soldiers of Christ. Ya know we as moms are not raising children that will fit into the Dr. Dobson crowd. We are raising Christian men and women who have to be strong and mighty for Jesus. We are raising soldiers that will live a much harder life then what we have lived.

I am not very proud of my kids sometimes the way they act. But I am glad that Jim and I taught them some survival in the spirit and in the flesh. I don’t think any of my kids will ever end up on the street. Dan said that Dad often said to him, “Ya don’t want to be a sissy, do ya?” I was telling John what Dan said, and John said, “Yeah, Dad always said that. ‘You boys, don’t be sissies.’” I guess if we taught them how not to be sissies, that was one good thing.

Well, my boys are all young bucks now. I do pray that their faith will take them further, though, in the Spirit. I know that Jim’s and my life made an impact on them. Dan and John and David all plan to have sons and name them after Jim. David’s next son will be called David James. Johnny wants one called Jesse James. Oh, those boys! But ya know long after I am gone to be with Papa in the Golden City, I hope I will hear the boys out of heaven say, “Well, if Dad and Mom made it with 6 kids, then we can make it somehow.” And ya know it was in the hard times that Jim and I learned faith and to trust in God.

Oh, we hate the times of desperation. But it is in these times that we learn hardness as good soldiers for Christ. Ya know when you tell a person to fight the good fight of faith, so many don’t understand what you are talking about. It’s because they don’t know how to fight for survival in the physical. But it is fight, then rest, fight and then rest — in both the spiritual battles and the physical battles.

Our kids entertain everyone around them. John and Dan and Chrissy are like stand up comedians. But we made our own entertainment at home. Joy was our strength. Often the world was down our throats and we had to shut the door in the evening and laugh it off. We have to laugh and be silly at times. We have to be childlike and pretend that all is well, often when it isn’t. Faith is sorta connected to this. If times are really hard, then we have to sometimes up our pretending.

A good soldier knows how to rest in between battles. Spiritual battles are like labor pains. They come and we learn to breathe prayers to God that the pain will soon be over. And then it is for a while — we sort of plateau off. And then we have a time of rest until the next battle comes and then we pray again. Each time, we must pray until we believe and then have a time of rest and peace. As we are obedient to pray, to believe, then rest and wait, we are getting closer to the answered prayer.

Just as God leads us as we birth a baby, we also birth miracles as we follow Christ and we pray until we believe and then rest. He that hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Christ. You will not go through labor and not bring forth a child. Same as in the Spirit, you go through a labor of pain and rest and pain and rest. If you give up, you won’t see the miracle come. You may see an aborted dream come — maybe the opposite of what you ask God for. But if you want a true miracle, you must fight the good fight of faith. And that is hard very hard. But learn hardness as a good soldier and fight the good fight.

Some tell us concerning our kids, “Well, just give them to the Lord and go on.” Yeah, right! Some of us moms can’t do that. Our kids are lost and in trouble we raised them for Jesus.

Don’t rest, dear Mother, until you pray through and until you believe God for a miracle. When you have prayed through, then rest in God. And don’t be afraid or think you won’t be attacked for your faith, as you will be. But when you are attacked, pray again. Don’t give up and you will see His glory.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

This morning as I prayed, I cried and the wounds of hurt for Mary were again broken open and the blood of my broken heart seeped out as tears in my eyes and wailing unto the Lord. And the Holy Ghost came upon me and the Lord spoke in anger at the devil and Jesus said to me, “Connie, every prayer you have prayed and every tear you have cried is not forgotten. When your harvest comes it will be earth changing.” The Lord gave me a picture of Mary whole and complete and mighty for the Lord. And as I prayed, I heaved crying words out of my belly to God. He said, “Connie, if you didn’t weep like this for Mary, you would be no good to me. I call the wailing Mothers for my kingdom.”

And God reminded me of Ezekiel 8 and 9 where the Lord called the writer to mark the people of God who sighed and wept for the sins of His people. Some say it was a mark of the cross put upon the Believers who had God’s heart. But it was a mark of some kind put upon those who weep with God for the sins of the people. And the writer had an ink horn at his reins. Our reins is our conscience, or our inner court. But when God judged Jerusalem, He saved the ones who were heartbroken for the sins of the people of God. And God started with the church and had the deacons killed first.

We hear that when Judgment comes, we who are Christians will be saved. But, no, those who do not weep and wail in our country do not have the heart of God. This does not mean that we go around sad all the time. But when the spirit of mourning comes upon us for a family member or the sins of our people, we should go ahead and get before God and cry out to Him until the mourning has lifted. It is a call to prayer. Just pray and then go on. But the true People of God will be in much prayer and fasting.

Our Joy comes daily as we pray and seek God and feel a release in our Spirit. Each prayer and groaning in the Spirit is a labor pain. After each pain, there will be a time of joy and resting. We will rest and cook and sew and be happy. We will put up food for the winter. But when we hear Him in our garden, calling us as His handmaidens to pray, we should drop our buckets of vegetables and run unto the Holy Secret Place to hear His voice and pray. He may call us several times a day. Or He may call us in the night.

We must be instant to hear His voice and run to Him, our true Husband, to weep before Him and to wail for People of God who have no mark of the cross upon their foreheads. They have no heart for the marriage covenant. God is a covenant God. You who pray against your husbands outside the marriage covenant will never see answered prayers. You must obey God and honor your husbands and submit to them as unto the Lord. Jeremiah 9:20 says Teach your daughters to wail. We are in the days as of Noah. So many then were so calloused and never paid any mind to the thought that judgment was coming.

I watched Joyce M this morning. I am always tryin’ to figure her out. This morning she said that she knew she must have a gift or an anointing. Why? Because everyone obviously loved her and she made a lot of money. Well, yes, she has me there. Everyone seems to love her and she sells a lot of books. But the big and obvious problem for Joyce is that she is running cross ways to the Word of God. The Bible tells her to sit down and be quiet in the temple of God. And that if she is going to teach anything, it should be to teach mothers to be keepers at home. But ya know the women of God don’t want to put up with children or do the dishes. So Joyce leads her merry band of women along.

We live in such an age of deception. Oh, can you all hear me when I say this? While the Christian Mother is out having a hay day, patting each other on the back, who is minding the children? I see women chasing signs and wonders and leaving their nonspiritual husbands at home. That’s because he is too smart to go with ya. Oh, I could say a lot here but I won’t.

In the last days, the Bible says, seven women will want to be married to one man if they can just have his name. And it’s for protection. As women go on with their feminism, they are becoming reduced to sex objects. God knows they can’t keep house! And men don’t need them as they are taught that wifey ain’t good for nothin’ except sex. So, hey, now we have men who are trying to make sex slaves of women. These women won’t submit to God and to a good husband. They won’t do it God’s way and so God turns them over to their own lusts. And you know it won’t be long in our country before the men start treating the women as they do in the Middle East. And women will need the protection of one man and, if she marries him, she will have more rights.

You talk about abused women? The feminists in our country are the most abused women in the world and are out there in full force trying to teach all the young women how to be abused. A woman of God is not as submissive as these women. HELLO? Catch that last sentence? It’s not a mistake. I said the feminist is more submissive than the women of God. Because a woman of God will ONLY submit to her husband as unto the Lord. The Christian Feminist will submit to Pastor over husband any day of the dang week. She will submit to an ungodly boss and build his ungodly kingdom over her husband’s Christian household. The Christian Feminist will submit to other women in the church and what they think over the top of husband’s opinion. They say they are putting God first when they won’t submit to their husbands but to the preacher? No, they are simply putting preacher first over husband and over God. They not only do that as Christian women in the church but they teach by example the young women to do this, too.

Because the wise woman of Titus 2 won’t stand up and teach keepers at home, then the counterfeit comes in. It’s hard to be a Titus 2 Mother. It means you had to be faithful in your home with your own children and husband. And women ain’t bein’ faithful. And they aren’t only hurting their own families, they are hurting 60 or 70 other young Mothers who are watching them. These ungodly Christian Feminists are evangelizing the world with an unholy gospel. They are multiplying and depleting the earth instead of replenishing it with Godly boys and girls.

Oh, arise, oh, Daughters of Zion, and take back your home lands. Build back up your walls and fight with a weapon of homemaking in one hand and in the other hand a weapon of spiritual warfare. Get a whole lot of shakin’ goin on. Shake yourselves loose of feminism and rebellion and take on your aprons and rolling pins. Make a home, dear daughters of God. Get out in that kitchen and shake some pots and pans and make a meal. And when He calls you away to wail in your temple, be instant to obey Him.

Daughters of a New Revolution

Mercy! I feel such an anointing on this teaching that I don’t know if I even have enough energy to keep up with it. I feel like a 25-year-old woman in an old body. I feel like I am teaching about the vision of the dry bones of God’s people — I think it’s in Ezekiel — how God called the prophet to call the dry bones forth to dance? I want to speak this anointing into all who read this.

Come forth, oh, dear Daughters of a New Revolution. If we have to go out as martyrs, let’s go clad in aprons, and at least pregnant. But before we go, let’s leave a testimony that we were good and faithful Mothers of homemaking. Mz Violet is such a godsend to encourage me in my homemaking. Go, Mz Violet — keep feeding it to us. I am a bit slow on the draw lately.

But let’s get that lantern or candle lit on our dining table. This is to signify to us that Jesus is the light of our world. I try to keep my lantern lit and oil in it to be a symbol that I am ready for my groom Jesus Christ to come. The oil is the symbol of the Holy Spirit. And then I lay a Bible beside it, open to a scripture for the day. And then the rest of my homemaking runs around all of this.

But, oh, you would have loved to hear Dixie teach on this even the week before she died. “Connie, the weapons of your warfare are your cooking tools.” Dixie said this with cancer and her husband had married someone else. She taught this until she entered heaven. I hear her heart as I stand here writing. “Connie, stand up and be strong — you can do this. Don’t be afraid.”

Love,
Connie

Oh mercy! I have been prayin’ as if I would be shot any minute over the last 24 hours. I am set free in my spirit but my flesh is still upset. Mary called yesterday and I was so upset. After talking to her, I felt like a newborn baby being thrown off a cliff. Ya know how a newborn puts their arms straight out when they are in fear and need to be wrapped snugly in a blanket? I prayed and the Lord gave me peace.

I hate to write out all of this but I think the Lord has called me to do it to be completely set free. I had prayed for hours and this is what the Lord told me in essence. “Connie, you are a Christian Mother. You are not without hope. The trials your children get into are ordered of the Lord.” The Lord doesn’t mean that He puts our kids in sin but He was telling me that He is all about them when they are in sin. With the unbeliever, with no one praying for them, they get into REAL danger. And God isn’t there with them. But for a Christian Mother, her children are in a cocoon of the Lord’s protection. The trials they come into will teach them the ways of the Lord.

I felt such a silence and joy after the Lord began to speak. I looked out my big window at the windmill out in the side yard. And I saw how pretty the bushes looked and the morning glories are growing up the windmill. And at the bottom is a gourd plant. A very big plant, taking up the side yard. As I looked out my window at the birds and the joy of nature, I saw a shadow of peace over part of the bushes. It was supernatural as if Jesus was showing me a place of protection He had Mary in. That He knew all about Mary and His eyes were upon the sparrow and He was watching over Mary, too. I felt a peace knowing that God knew where Mary was and all about her. But, dear Mothers, we have to know when we see our kids do the worst things that we are not as the strange women who have no hope. We are Queens and Keepers at the Homes of Priests and Handmaidens of the Lord. We are not to be fearful, but knowing that the Lord is doing a perfect work in our lives.

Then today I woke up and the fear was again upon me. The Lord showed me that Brandon has been demon oppressed. I spoke to these demons to come out of Brandon in Jesus name. Jesus says in His word that anything we ask in Jesus name we receive. Ya know the demon possessed man in the Bible would not live in a house but lived among the tombs. Look at the people in our society that will not live in a home. So many young people on the streets. This is a sign of demon oppression. I rebuked all of this from him in Jesus name and I believe it all to be done in Jesus name.

Mark 11:23 says that we must believe that we have what we ask for and we will receive it. Ya know I know all of this talk about demons would unnerve some of you. But as the times get worse, we all need to know how to rebuke the devil. See, if we abide in the vine then we can ask what we will and it will be done. Jesus asks us to use His name as we speak to the mountains in our life. We should speak to husband in prayer, not to his face, “Husband, be wise in Jesus name.” Or whatever. You don’t have to pray “Lord, please make my husband wise.” You can say to the mountain, “Husband, be healed in Jesus name.”

See, I ain’t just tootin’ a horn. I have been through this before with my husband. Like God told me about Brandon, “You have been here before.” And ya know God gave me a miracle and He will again. See, it’s not natural for a man or woman to want to leave the marriage bed and go after someone else. And often it is more than just the flesh or sin — it is a supernatural attack from demons. And you don’t need to be with the person to cast the demons out. Both Mary and Brandon have been running loose. But I have prayed and the Lord has heard me and I believe I have what I have asked for.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

My friend Julie came over Thursday for a short visit. Julie is on our letters group and has four children under the age of 7. (Correct me on all of this, Julie, if ya have time.) Anyway, this dear Mom and her children were on their way to Bible study and just stopped for about a half hour. She brought me a bucket of wonderful grapes and some grape jelly and it looks delicious. Thanks again, Julie. I plan to have it on toast this morning.

Anyway, she always tells me about the lady who had lived in their 140 year old house just before they moved in. This woman was a widow and lived to be 90 years old. Anyway, the widow had a root cellar and she gardened and canned most all of her own food. In September of last year, she went to the doctor because her legs hurt a bit. Her older kids wanted her to go to a doctor. Anyway, she did and found out she had cancer and she died in a few weeks. But she canned pickles just 2 weeks before she died. Julie told me this widow had large vats in the root cellar and that she made homemade wine from the grapes she grew.

So in her honor, I started some wine. Julie brought me the grapes in a big bucket. So I washed the grapes by throwing them all in my sink and filling the sink with cold water. Then I put half of the grapes back in the bucket and added boiling water to the top and 3 cups of sugar. Stir it up good and put a dinner plate over the top and let ‘er brew in a warm place. Then I did the same with the other half of the grapes. So I have about 3 or 4 gallons of medicine for the winter. I have barely ever worked outside my home so I don’t think I will even get Medicare when I am old. So this will have to be my medicine. Anyway, after the wine has brewed a few weeks, then strain the grapes off of the brew and put wine in a jar and keep in the fridge. Otherwise it will get tooo strong. The cold fridge will stop the yeast action and it will quit fermenting.

But anyway, when I am 90 and just before I die in a few weeks, I hope the younger mothers will find me in my root cellar doin’ women’s work. I can think of no grander way to die than in your own home doin’ what you did all of your life. Every time I see Julie, she tells me of this old widow who lived in her house. I get so ministered to. Thanks, Julie.

And ya know Julie has a wonderful husband. But his work is less in the winter. So anyway, she has all of her dear family to feed through the winter. When she was here, I ran back to my apple trees and picked some apples for her. She plans to make applesauce. But ya know I think of all of the memories still left in Julie’s house from this dear widow who was faithful. Julie said that she knows the widow’s children and they tell her all about Mother. They praise Mom as the virtuous woman. But I told Julie not to worry, that I would help her to make it through the winter. Her emails can’t get through but I plan to keep in touch with her by phone. And, Julie, all of us on here will pray for you and encourage you.

I know what it is like to go through the winter with a houseful of children. It’s harder because food isn’t as readily available. I think potatoes are a bit high right now but will get lower as we get deeper into fall. Pumpkins are so cheap in the fall and are wonderful cut up like potatoes and put in vegetable soup. Or make a nice veggie soup and pour it in a half pumpkin shell and bake it like that in a very big pan. When the pumpkin is done and soft, then you serve the soup and scrape the pumpkin and put chunks of it in the soup bowls. The pumpkin is like zucchini and it takes on the flavor of the soup. It’s really delicious. But you can buy several pumpkins and they will keep very well out on a cold closed in back porch or in a cool root cellar. Or maybe just a cool place in a basement. I have kept fresh peanut squash for almost a year. On Little House, Mother saved it all winter.

Food for the Winter

When I was a young Mom with a houseful of children, a family invited me and Jim to pick green beans from their garden. I was very thankful as it was hard for me to grow enough food for the family in the summer. One time Miss Charlotte went with me to an orchard and we picked sacks and sacks of apples. A dear friend let us pick them for free. (It was Brenda Kelly, Julie.) Apples will keep for a long time but you have to pick through them every day and throw out any rotten ones. Anyway, the home that Jim and I picked beans at invited us in for coffee. The Mother there had two very large containers that she showed me that she had out for flour and sugar. I imagine the containers easily held 50 pounds of sugar and 50 pounds of flour. She had the containers in cool places. But she said this lasted her and her husband for the winter. She had her big family in for the holidays, too, and did a lot of baking.

Sometimes hog lard is cheaper then shortening and you can buy that to store in the freezer for baking. I pray the Lord will give you a big 5 pound bucket of lard, Julie. In the fall a lot of times farmers butcher their pigs. And I think they get the lard free. So I pray someone will give you some, Julie.

Anyway, dear Mothers, try to store up canned items. I know the frozen veggies, etc. are better for ya. But in a pinch the canned stuff is good. Like sit down and write out how many things you would can if you had a garden of your own and knew how to can. You have about 10 months until the next time you have fresh stuff in the garden. So would you can tomatoes? Well, then you have about 40 weeks until your next garden. Would you use a can of tomatoes a week? Then you will need like 40 cans of tomatoes to last you until the next growing season. And how many cans of beans and corn, etc. So I know you can’t afford all of that but I am just showing you how the old time Mothers stored food. Canned vegetables and fruit are wonderful to have if the electricity goes down for some reason.

The Old Days

Well, back in the old days I had to be on food stamps. Wild Man had taken to the road and I was alone with the children. Anyway, the lady from the extension office would grace my home every few weeks. She was a lot of fun and always came with an armload of recipes to use with the free Gov-ment cheese, etc. I always made sure I had my vats of firewater hidden as I know she didn’t have any recipes to use with that. No, I am kidding ya! Well, bootleggin’ was frowned upon, especially for those of us on welfare. No, I am pullin’ your leg. “Quit it. Quit it.”

But anyway, Miss Baker gave me this one recipe. I will tell it to ya. It was one can of creamed soup and 2 cups of pasta and 2 cups of veggies and a can or a pound of cooked meat. So you could make whatever with this. Like cook up a few cups of noodles and add a can of peas and a can of cream of chicken soup and a can of drained tuna. Then heat it all up. But say you have a pound of hamburger — just cook it and then what soup? Maybe a can of tomato soup and a can of green beans and a couple cups of cooked macaroni. Little kids like this stuff usually. And like if you don’t have pasta but have a box of mac and cheese, use that for the meal. Or use rice or any pasta. I used to fix a lot of these casseroles for the kids’ lunch when I was homeschooling. Beef stroganoff would be like a pound of cooked hamburger and the cooked noodles and canned green beans and mushroom soup. You could put cheese on the top if you have it. Or make up biscuits to bake on the top. But these were just recipe ideas in order to use what you had usually in your cupboard. These are quick meals and you can make them with the canned food.

Also I used to get such a kick out of some of these women I was shoved in with while on welfare. JillR and I had to go to these cooking classes because so many women didn’t know how to cook. Jill and I knew how but we were always trying to humor Miss Baker who called Jill “Jill the pickle.” Jill was always makin’ pickles and trying to hide from Miss Baker. But, anyway, those mothers we took the class with ate bullets for breakfast. Jill and I tried to go in and visit with the ladies in a friendly way. But I said something like, “I have three children. How many do you have?” And the lady says, “What’s it to ya?” or “Why do you have to know?” One lady told me that she didn’t have time to cook as it was too hot and she laid naked in front of the fan all day. It was all hilarious and Jill and I would laugh like crazy all the way back home. It was like taking a cooking class on a chain gang. I went to one meeting and you could smell fresh animal hide on this one woman. Man, those women made it one way or the other. They were a tough band of women. I mean Jill and I tried not to laugh as they would take us wrong and try to kill us. Just kidding.

Miss Baker would go on with her class no matter even if the building had been on fire. Nothing stopped her! She was good at humoring the really rough ladies.

But see this is back when welfare was for the stay at home mother who had been abandoned. Most of the deserted Mothers were very serious about making it. If there was children in the home under 6, then you could stay home and get a welfare check and food stamps. But ya know now days, a lot of these women would milk the system and be on drugs and all. But I am glad I didn’t go out to work but stayed home with my children, even if it meant being looked down on by society. At least I could be with my children and keep them somewhat steady. But then when Jim got saved, we went off welfare and never returned again. But if you have to get food stamps, then don’t be ashamed of it. I would be more ashamed of going out to work and deserting a houseful of children. You don’t have to tell the children you are using food stamps. All the children know is that they have food and they are happy.

But back when I was raising my children, Mother protected her children. You didn’t tell them about your marriage if it was hard. Or about the food supply or that you hardly had any money. You held this all in your heart and prayed about it. As a mother, you carried your burdens alone unto God. You wanted your children to have a happy childhood. Children have a right to have decent meals and a warm, safe, quiet bed to sleep in.

Ya know last evening, Miss Charlotte came to visit. She was saying, “Connie, maybe God will use you as a missionary to another country.” And ya know I said that my heart is very burdened for our own country. Char said that when Mother Theresa got the Nobel Peace Prize, she stood on stage with the Clintons. She said at the end of her speech that the USA was the most impoverished nation in the word spiritually because of abortion. Boy, I bet the Clintons hated that.

But, yes, I am very burdened for our country. I want to stay here at my home forever and do as much damage to the devil that I can before I die. I hope to write many books and take care of the children God sends me. I don’t desire to ever leave here or remarry. I just want to live with Papa’s memory.

Love,
Connie