Dear Mothers,

I loved all the comments on the homemaking writings. Ya know, I do want to write about making our winter pantries coming up here soon. But for so many of you, I know that you need more writings against feminism so that you can be free to do your homemaking. Ya know, I was reading your email, too, Kim and Phillipa. Seems there is so much confusion in the world.

What the Lord has led me to do is to just stay with the marriage covenant concerning everyone around me and for myself. God said one man for one woman for life. I hung onto the marriage covenant and I hang onto it for those around me, too. I mean, I don’t care if it is the second marriage for you. I am hanging onto believing God for you and your second marriage. Well, not you Jill. But for most around me. I mean, I feel it is safe that way. I don’t want to sin by believing for a marriage that God hasn’t put His hand on.

The wise man or woman must build their house upon the Rock. The Rock is Jesus Christ and His Word. We as wives and mothers must build our lives upon the Rock and expect those around us to do the same thing. We can’t be speaking out of what we see but only what we believe.

I plan on loving and submitting to Jim’s memory for the rest of my life. I just want to be free to help mine and Jim’s children. I don’t want to give another man what Jim and I built together. But, of course, you younger widows on here may feel different and need a husband and father for your children. I sure understand that. And you are free to marry only in the Lord.

But ya know, that Brandon has been a stinker. Everyone says, “Well, tell Mary to divorce him.” Well, ya know, I don’t know the whole story. So I am not going to worry about it. I am going to hang onto the covenant. And if Brandon is truly without hope, then God will kill him. But ya know, Jim and I prayed over Mary and Brandon getting married and we felt it was the Lord’s will. They wanted to marry when Mary turned 18 and Brandon was 25. Brandon was a steady worker and had his own home and kept the lawn mowed. Brought Mary home always on time at 10:00 on weekends and 8:00 during the week. So we felt it was a good thing. Brandon said he knew the Lord and that marriage was for life and so did Mary. We all agreed together for God to bless them. So now that all hell has broken loose, I have felt like a chicken with her head cut off. But my only stability is to stay on the Marriage Covenant and let God do the rest. And ya know, if any husband is truly worthless, God can take them off the earth. He knows how. But I am not going to start changing the ground rules in my life because the daughter of my broken heart isn’t walking right with the Lord and neither is Brandon.

Jill and Dixie and I prayed for Mary to be born for 10 years. We knew I would have a Mary Elisabeth. I thought I would have her in April of ‘75 but I had Johnny. He is exactly 10 years older than Mary. Then I thought I was having Mary and I had David and then Dan, and finally Mary. Not that I wasn’t thrilled to have my boys, as I was so happy to have them and they bless me every day. But as Jill and Dixie and I prayed, we knew that I was to have Mary Elisabeth. And she was to be named after Mary, Jesus’ Mother, and Elisabeth. We knew that she would be used mightily of God. I really believe that she is a prophetess of God.

Phillipa, I remember when Jim was at his worst. Gone — heck, I didn’t know where he was. And Jill was in the kitchen late at night and I was upstairs prayin’. And God told me, “Jim will be a later day prophet.” I think this will come through my later in life writings now that he has passed. But I hold onto that vision of him and this is why I would never give up on my marriage. Like the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, I will do Jim good all of my life, not his life.

But see, Phillipa, the devil wants me to give up on Mary and use my authority against God.

Trail Blazers

And ya know, Wendy? All of us mothers can tell from your writings that you are a godly, righteous wife and mother. You are like St. Monica and you raised your boys for Christ. You were faithful to be there for them and to homeschool them, even though we know it was hard financially to do it. Don’t think for a moment that God won’t reward you. I know those boys are rascals and your heart is broken for them. And the people around you are living in such sin. But, Wendy, you are a faithful wife and mother and you don’t have to bow down to any of this — and Phillipa and Alane, too. Well, so many on this group are faithful to God.

I mean, I know the way gets rough. But see, if we give up on God and His promises to deliver us and our children, then we swing our authority over to the devil’s side. Then Satan takes our authority and uses it against us.

Ya know, Wendy, I had a perfect friend with perfect children when I homeschooled. She and her husband live this perfect life and she had boys our boys’ age. Well, her boys went on to Bible college after high school and my boys got into smokin’ cigs and doing tattoos and pierceings. I laid on my bed in heart brokeness and cried my heart out. So I know how you feel. But everyone’s kids aren’t called of God at the same time. I am telling you girls something. In this world, the devil ain’t playin’. Unless you plan to be a bulwark for God, then just throw in the towel now. This Perfect Christian family I will call the Joneses didn’t have really the faith I had. I had to believe God for books each home-school year and the Joneses had all the money they needed.

I was so brokenhearted when my boys didn’t go to college. But see, God has called my boys as warriors for Him. They have a different calling. Even though my boys moved out at about 19, I am still heart schooling them as their Mother of faith. And they love their Mama. Dan still calls me Mama. My boys have disagreed with me but have never talked back to me. Well, Jimmy, our oldest son, has and John told him to knock it off.

My boys drink and they never saw Jim with any alcohol in his hands ever. Jim wouldn’t hardly take a drink of my Christmas Cordial. Jim quit drinking many years ago and never touched it again. Christian Joy’s Jason doesn’t drink at all, either. But, Wendy, ya know, Dixie used to have to take all those beer cans back to the store, too. She had more faith then anyone I knew. But don’t worry about it — just believe God that they are soda pop cans.

I don’t know why I even write all of this to you, Wendy, as I know you will obey God to the end, anyway. But I just want to encourage you and give you and Phillipa a high five. You girls just hang it there by faith. God knows His stuff.

I want to end this writing with a quote from Ralph Emerson. “Don’t go where the path may lead, but go instead where there is no path and LEAVE A TRAIL.” My Ladies on this group are trailblazers and I am so proud of all of you.

Love,
Connie

Today I am answering Alaine’s email response. Alaine is a young wife and mom of four children. She has been delivered of feminism lately and from the spirit of Lady Preacher. She has given her OK for me to share her life a bit. And, Alaine, maybe you could write a testimony that we could send to the letters group? Anyway, I want to share her life as I think, to some degree, all of us women fight the spirit of Jezebel. We are not really fighting women in the flesh but we are fighting demons of witchcraft in the spirit realm. Everything starts out in the Spirit first.

Satan has always been after the godly seed. Satan comes after the Marys, the ones who carry seeds of Christ. In the Bible, in practically every book, the devil is trying to kill the believer and their seeds. We as godly mothers evangelize through spiritual seeds and through our bodies of flesh. So, of course, we know that God doesn’t want any true Godly mother to be on any form of birth control. The devil’s crowd don’t care how many seeds they plant. But it is so called “common sense” for the Christian mother to use birth control. Where would we be if Mary, Jesus’ mother, used birth control? Or Elisabeth or any of the great mothers in the Word of God? Satan wants us Christian mothers to think we have no place in God until we tie our tubes and begin to act like Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. As if we have no place of power in our role as Marys.

Mary is our example. Mary didn’t care what anyone thought of her. She was a woman of prayer and knew that the Son of God would be born soon and to a virgin. And when the angel spoke to Mary she was ready to believe God for a miracle. She had confidence in God and confidence in herself as His child. She didn’t go back to church and have a deacons meeting to see what they thought about it. She just waited on the Lord and waited for her husband (to be) Joseph to have the dream from the Lord. Then, long story short, they ran outta town. Mary was a revolutionist — she was a very free thinker. She knew how to submit to her Joseph but no one owned her mind but God. She was a Joan of Arc on a mission.

I wish I had enough faith to believe for a supernatural birth as she did. She believed it when the Lord overshadowed her, and she conceived a supernatural seed from God. That’s beyond me! But I do believe that many of you will live to see the day that many women of God will conceive a baby supernaturally. This should be normal in the body of Christ. Sarah conceived supernaturally and so did Elisabeth and others in the Word. When Naomi’s daughters-in-law wanted to go with her? Naomi said that she had no more sons to give them. Naomi didn’t say she was too old to conceive a seed and bear a son … because Sarah was her mother of faith. But Naomi said she couldn’t bear anymore children as she had no husband. I think it was a normal thing in Bible times for women of God to bear children up to 60 years old. Because of the scriptures about the widows marrying again and bearing children if they are under 60.

See, our college of the Spirit is taught to us through childbearing. We are saved from the deceptions of this world through childbearing. We learn the gifts of the Spirit and the fruits of the Spirit through our place as Keepers at Home. And God knows (and I hope you all know) that I have learned everything I write THE HARD WAY! Well, I know you all know I didn’t learn it at church.

I understood the Covenant of Marriage. And I let this cover me and keep me in His will. I let this marriage promise lock me in a prison the first years of my marriage. But then later, as I was faithful, my marriage covenant took me to a joyful place where I was set on a pedestal by my dear husband. But in the prison, I learned how to be set free to enter the palace and to be a queen.

It is God who exalts us or publishes us.

Lady Preachers

And ya know, Alaine, I knew I had such a call on my life from God when I was a young mom. Out in the garden, I would preach to the trees. It would just come up out of me — then I would rebuke it in Jesus name. And I would tell Christians about it. That I rebuked the spirit of preaching in me. And they thought I was quenching the Holy Spirit wihin me. My own mentors would tell me that I was a lady preacher and there was nothing I could do about it. Many thought I would be free now to become a lady preacher since Jim died. No. Heck no. If God had wanted me to be a lady preacher, I would have been one, with or without Jim. But I could see early on that I could do a lot more damage to the devil by being a Titus 2 Mother.

The plan of Satan is to discourage, and to cause fear, to the Mother in her Home. Because Satan knows that God is raising up an army of children right now that will be mighty warriors for Him. I mean, we are in an all out war in our country. The heavenlies are ablaze right now with spiritual activity. It suffers violence and the violent take it by force. There is a part in the Bible where it tells the writer to mark the people who are not grieved and do not sigh while the temple is being torn down. And the ones who did not grieve and sigh were killed.

See, these lady preachers are a curse to the church and to God’s people. It’s not enough that the Mothers have left the home and the child predators have taken over. Now the Mother has left the body of Christ.

The Spirit of Christ cries with deep intercessions for the Mothers to come back home. He cries for them to quit killing their babies through abortion. How many John the Baptists are dead at the dump? Put there by Christian Mothers? The Holy Spirit bays and vomits grief for these children that are His. He knew them in their Mothers’ wombs. He knew them. He talked to them. He made them. They were not just flesh but they were His own. How can our hearts as Mothers not do something about this? Well, it’s because our hearts have become hardened.

Lady Preacher ain’t worried about abortion or your marriage covenant. Lady Preacher is up there being seen and flaunting her new clothes. I often think, had these women been wise, what wonderful Titus 2 mothers they would be. But, see, the hidden woman that God uses for His glory is a woman of dignity and honor. She doesn’t have to be seen. She is like Mary. She knows the times and the seasons of the earth. She knows the heart of God. She is the same on stage or alone in her house. Because Jesus is her confidence and not the applause of man.

Ya know, a lot of times, I write on here and I think it was good. And no one comments on it and I feel so lonely, needing a shoulder to lean on or to communicate with. But I know the Lord tests me. “Connie, will you write alone in your house with no one caring one way or the other. Or do you need to be petted all the time to write?” God don’t need me if all I do is write for applause. He has enough of those women. And ya know, Alaine, I really tested God on this writing I do. For the first four years, I wrote on the e-machine and never paid my internet bill. Finally, when Jim saw that this writing was from God, he started paying it. Someone kept paying for the bill. I called the company and told them it was a mistake but they wouldn’t listen to me. They would say, “Who is this?” I would say, “Connie.” And they would say, “Connie is paying the bill.” I really believe it was a mix up in their billing but they never figured it out. I tried to tell ‘em. And I gave up this writing a half a hundred times. I wanted to take this e-machine and throw it out the window. I had finally learned how to be God’s hidden woman and what did God do? He calls me to write on the internet. That nearly killed me. Talk about crying. I cried my heart out but wanted to be in His will.

Prison to Palace

But ya know, Alaine, if Sharon White didn’t write my books for me I wouldn’t ever get one published. My goal in life isn’t to make some money. The push and shove of my life is to write the truth out for the wife and mother at home. If this writing makes me popular, or whatever, then fine. But it is more likely it will get me killed. But my heart wants to write out the truth.

I suffered like a dog as a young wife and mother. I had the Roman soldiers constantly about me, slashing my heart with a sword. One time an aunt of mine took me out for lunch. I was pregnant with David, my miracle child. She said to me, as I sat quietly waiting to be served, “Look a the shape you are in — it is a disgrace.” I was so hurt and I never forgot it. I had to hold back hot tears through the whole meal. And every time I got pregnant, the comments were so cruel from the older women around me. When I brought John home from the hospital, my aunt met me at the door with “What are you gonna do with it?” I had barley any pictures of Johnny. I was so poor and Jim was in prison. The neighbors hated me because Jim was always in the newspaper. They were afraid of me and tried to get me out of the neighborhood. The city sued us because our sidewalk wasn’t shoveled and a lady barely sprained her ankle. The fight went on for five years.

I had so little encouragement. At night, I slept with my Bible and with study books all around in my blankets. I put the Word of God upon my wall and woke up to it each morning. I was too grieved to eat much and weighed from 95 to 100 pounds and was 5 foot 8 inches tall. This was my Bible college days and this is how I learned what I write. I learned that God can bring you through anything as long as your confidence is not in the arm of flesh but in the heart of Jesus. I literally climbed out of my prison one Bible verse at a time and landed in the Lord’s palace. I learned to be the virtuous woman, the woman of power. I hung onto the hem of His garment and drew virtue out of Him.

What these lady preachers preach is pure poison. They have some truth and tell you how to get out of the mundane problems of the world. But a woman’s true place in the home where she learns the deeper truths will never be told to you by Lady Preacher. She knows not the deep things of God. She lives on the crust of the land. But the deep delivering power of God is taught by the experiences of the home. And only as the marriage covenant is not broken.

Jesus went willingly to the cross to die. And some of us as wives must take a key and lock our own selves away in a prison to learn of God. Some of you feel like you are already in a prison. Don’t fight this prison but wait upon God as Joseph did. If you will die with Jesus, you will also reign with Him. There is much to learn in the furnace of affliction. And even more to learn as VICTORY IN JESUS COMES.

God gave me more then double happy days for all that I suffered. He is true to His word. But, Alaine, I think it’s all a choice in where ya want to end up in God. Will we be like Mary and be poor revolutionist — or will we be like Joyce M who gets her glory here on earth?

I suffered enough, I guess, that money don’t mean much to me anymore. I ache so much in my soul for the life of the Christian Mother in her Home. I guess I just can’t stand to think that anyone would have to go through what I went through with no truth to uphold them. But you stand Lady Preacher up against the true virtuous woman and the virtuous woman’s power is so much greater. As the days come to a close, the lady preacher knows her day is short. Now she is attacking openly the virtuous woman from the pulpit. It’s sad, for sure.

Feminism is an unholy fire and only the truth will protect us. We must rebuke these spirits from our homes by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies. And most important is that we don’t love our own lives unto death.

Dear Mothers,

I was sorta busy yesterday so didn’t get to read all of the emails. And this morning I have to leave at about 8:15. So I will only be able to write a bit. But was it you, Alaine, yesterday that was saying that all women are not called to be Keepers at Home? I wanted to comment on this for a minute. The Bible says this in Proverbs 14:1 — Every wise woman builds her house and the foolish woman tears it down with her hands. So this verse speaks of Every wise woman. This is speaking to a woman with a home or a wife and mother. A single woman has a choice to marry or not. But she, too, should have a ministry of home. Such as helping another mother with her children or housekeeping.

There are no lady preachers in the Bible who take authority in the church over men as Joyce Myers does. Jezebel did this and she was it. Deborah tried to get Barak to take authority himself. But Deborah was certainly the exception and not the rule in the Bible. She was called “Mother in Israel”. And this is a calling like the Titus 2 Mother has. I know I minister to some of the husbands on this group. I don’t write for them and never would take any authority over any man. But I know many of the husbands read my writings. But there are no lady preachers in the Word of God. Mothers find their place in the body of Christ through their ministry as keeper at home.

Alaine, you remind me of myself when I was young. I had to know the truth on so many things concerning wifely submission and Motherhood. God is going to use you as the Titus 2 Mother. I know you probably came to this group to get into some good discussions and some good thought provoking debates. But the ladies aren’t mavericks on here. I am, for sure, but I have had the soup kicked out of me lately and haven’t gotten back up yet. But I think I am arising slowly. Annie is still under the bed, I guess. But I hear your spirit, Alaine.

Many of the ladies on here are deep in the Lord but are under the gun. They don’t comment a lot. They are drive by shooters. What they say is powerful but in 10 words or less. And many don’t want to upset anyone so they seethe quietly. As you can tell, I would say about anything and duck and run like hell. I am used to it, unfortunately. You know, I love Mz Violet who is normal. But, Alaine, just give me some time here. I hope to get into some better writing.

The feminist Christians are your problem. They are worse them the regular worldly feminists because they have the power of religion behind them. They are DANGEROUS. And they deceive many. They live on the blood of the Mothers who are really powerful like Mary the Mother of Jesus. Mary was a truly powerful woman of God. Think of her faith and how brave she was to endure and to keep Jesus hidden as a child.

See, like you, Alaine, I had to rebuke the spirit of preaching in me, too, and fight it down until it had no voice in me. I have had many women try to get me to be a lady preacher. This world don’t have enough money in it to make me be a lady preacher. It is not the call of the hour — it has no power in it. The call of the hour is to the Titus 2 Mother who will take her place in the shadows for the good of her people. She loves God and hears the call of the mothers who are truly walking with Him by being a keeper at home. Like you, Alaine, I have stood up and preached before. I could do that again. And probably make some money at it. But I want to stand for truth.

This sorry world has enough trash and deception going on. Who would want to waste their time being a lady preacher? Ya can’t take that money with ya. No, if I can’t stand for truth, I would just as soon die.

Alaine, if it’s OK, we will send this letter to the letters group, too. I think many of the ladies are like you and need this writing. But I can see your frustrations mounting and we are usually a bit more Kick Butt. Sorry!

Hmmm, A Drivers License

Mercy, I wish I had all morning to write on feminism and lady preachers. Nothing makes my blood boil like Christian Feminism in the church. Like an old dog, I could chew that bone happily all day and the next. Just relaxing on the email and gnawing that gristle sounds like pure joy to me. But, alas, I must be gone today. So I have to go take my bath. I have to take a written drivers test. Yes, Miss Connie is going to get a valid Iowa Drivers license.

Aunt Toot said to Char, the other night when she was here, “Well, Connie knows a lot about driving so she won’t have too much trouble with the test.” That’s a loaded answer.

Well, I better get about my business.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Johnny stopped by for a minute yesterday. He and David made it back from NYC almost in one piece. John told me, “Well, Dan broke my rib.” I know Chrissy was waiting for John to tell me that. Those wild and crazy brothers wrestle all the time. After Dan did that, John took Dan’s head and rubbed it on the carpet until he got a big rug burn on his forehead. I bet Dan looks perty. I asked Christine (John’s wfe) what she thought. She just looks at John in silence and shakes her head. I think it’s just one rib. PTL. I told John to put a wrap around his chest but I don’t know if he will or not. But now I know why Chrissy was calling the brothers barbarians.

Chrissy Joy had a lovely wedding. The theme was the 1950s. They had out an old record player with 45 records playing 50s songs. Her wedding gown was 1950s. A very light pink with buttercream lace. Each of the bridesmaids wore a 50s outfit. Christian sang to me on the phone one of the songs that was her favorite from the 1940s. The first part goes, “I don’t want to set the world on fire. I just want to put a flame in your heart.” Oh, I love it. I sang the first part to MaryL, age 78, on the phone, and she recognised it and sang the whole song to me. She said she used to sing that in the 40s.

Joy (Chrissy) got married at a lovely home in upstate NY. In the back of the house were woods and they had a bonfire and just sat around it. Joy said it was very relaxing. Hmmmm, a fire? I am surpised Dan didn’t jump in it and scream “Goodness Gracious. Great Baaaaaaaalllls of Fire!”

Well, anyway, it was a lovely, relaxing wedding. A lot of people wanted to come, as Joy is rather popular in NY. But she was very adamant about just having close friends and family. I think she said she just had 70 guests. This was close and personal as she wanted it. A group of her girlfriends got her and Jason a tandem bike. (Bike built for 2 riders.) Also a group of (groom) Jason’s friends are getting them plane tickets to Bali Indonesia. But I am gonna try to talk her out of that. I think that is tooo dangerous.

Well, it really sounds like they had a lovely wedding. I was hoping Danny would have come back home with them. But, actually, it would be less dangerous for Dan to live in NY. (Just kidding.) I know they all had a great time.

John’s family was coming this morning to help with mowing the lawn but it is raining. Well, it’s just 7:00 am. So maybe it will quit raining and dry up by mid morning. I am fixing Sloppy Joes and will have sliced tomatoes and corn on the cob, and sliced cucumbers. We will pick apples and tomatoes and cukes for them to take home.

I didn’t do very good with the garden this year. Too much to deal with this year. But the Lord kept it and I am getting a lot of tomatoes, anyway. I know I have basil in that weed patch out there, too, and green peppers. Well, I will have to find them. Next year, I hope I will be doing better and be more on the ball.

As I write, I turn around and look at my dining room and living room. I am tellin’ ya, it is so peaceful. It reminds me of when I went to visit my aunt and uncle’s farm in the summer. I know the angels attend me night and day.

Laying Mary at the Cross

Oh, last night, I laid in my bed and prayed for Mary. The Lord spoke to my heart. In essence, He said, “Ya know, Connie, I don’t plan on letting ya go on this. The further that evil rubber band swings back, the further it is gonna shoot forward.” I am really surprised the devil wants to play this game with me. I am assured of winning.

Brandon was in the paper for forgery. I mean, this plot thickens. But it’s good, as now more people will pray for him. He comes from a long line of Christians. All of his relatives live around here and are good stock. They are gonna pray for him and I am certainly praying. His folks range from Pentecostal to Baptist. But I know they won’t eat their own but will put a medicine of prayer on his wounds. He has been a wild cat lately. Mary couldn’t keep up with him and bailed out. But I know if he will straighten up and go back to work, she would take him back.

I am believing that August won’t end without Mary and Brandon back together. Those two were a house of cards that fell little by little. But one thing that I really prayed about is what Toot said the other night. She said, “Connie, we have to look to Jesus and see what He wants to do in us personally.” The Lord showed me that have to come to Jesus alone. And then we have to follow Jesus. Not shadowed with a child but alone we must come to Jesus. I mean, the Lord had hardly heard from me that I wasn’t bringing Mary to Him. But I am also His daughter. The Lord showed me that as I put Mary and Brandon aside and follow His leading, this will turn the kids around. All I have done is wait in prayer for God to do something. But I must go on and hope my little lambs will follow me.

Ya know how, when the kids are little and they don’t want to leave Grandma’s house, and you say, “Well, I am going out to the car.” Pretty soon they will follow ya. But if ya just stand there and complain, the child thinks he has more time to play. Well, the Lord showed me that I have been like this and I need to go on to the car. So I prayed and asked the Lord where He was taking ME? And the Lord gave me a picture in my mind of four angels beside me. Each angel was calling me to a different job — each job contradicted the other one. I knew which way I was supposed to go. It was a no-brainer. But ya know? Knowing something is right and doing it is sometimes hard. But the Lord showed me that, through only having my eyes on the kids, I was running against the road the Lord wanted me on. Like God’s people in the wilderness, I am going in circles. We have to fix our eyes upon the Lord and go with Him. We have to be led of the Holy Spirit and not by the trouble in our families. By faith we take our eyes off the problem and put our eyes upon the Lord. We have to be about our Father’s business.

Satan may know that eventually we will get onto the right path. But he wants to interrupt us as much as he can. We think it is people calling us to do this and that. But the spiritual realm is calling us. The Spirit comes first and then people hear the Spirit — evil or good — and they begin to react to it. But it all starts in the spirit realm. And if Satan thinks he can use our kids to take us away from the call of God upon our lives, then he will do that. He will set us up for that.

Satan wants to be glorified and magnified to be like God. He wants the attention to be upon him. And when we mothers give him attention, then he wants some more. And the fear we have in our hearts is what he rides on. But we must lay our Issacs down. Because some of us make gods of our children. I humbly bow! “Forgive me, please, sweet Jesus.”

Actually, as we fear over our kids, we make them worse. And as long as Satan can use our kids to get us to go in the wrong direction, he will continue to make our kids worse. I am a bigger gun at this point then Mary is. And the devil wants to break me down.

Titus 2 Mother

I was prayin’ and I told the Lord, “Oh, Lord, I have been sending my writing out for 9 years now and I haven’t really accomplished much.” The Lord told me that I should look at it like this. I have hung on for 9 years and didn’t lose the ministry, which is a miracle. All I have been through in the past 9 years and still writing? It’s a miracle! Only Jesus kept me. When I first began writing, the house nearly burned down. And then you all know most of the rest. Right after we had remodeled, we had another smoke fire. Jim had put up white wall paper and had to do it all over again. I was responsible for both fires. I could barely forgive myself. But I kept writing.

I had begged the Lord for an older Titus Mother to rescue me the whole time I was raising my children. Then, when I became 50, the Lord told me I was the older Titus 2 Mother. I am like, “Didn’t we skip something here, Lord”? But at age 50, I just became who I had prayed for. Widowhood is nothing I expected, for sure! I mean, if the Titus 2 Mother loses her husband, what more is there? Well, I have truly lost almost everything. Poor Annie, I know this writing isn’t getting you out from under the bed. But, Annie, God has a perfect plan for each of us. Just because I lose so much, it doesn’t mean you will.

I need ladies who are whole and complete around me. Like Miss Violet who spoke of being organized in the Titus 2 Ministry. Oh, mercy, I could never be accused of being organized. No, I will always be the wind in some of your sails but organization is not in my blood. But, Annie, you are very organized and some of you on the group know what the heck you are doin’. No one could ever think I knew what I was doin’.

My Mother is a perfectionist and I drive her nuts. She said I am the strangest child she has ever heard of, and to think I am her daughter. But some of us have to ride on the wind. We have been pushed off the earth through many trials. And this world is no longer our home. We live somewhere between heaven and earth. If we didn’t live that way, we wouldn’t live at all. We put confidence in the holy clouds of heaven — just holy air. Because we have found out the hard way that this world has nothing to hang onto. The Spiritual becomes more real to us then the physical. The angels become our friends. And we live in a heavenly kingdom. And this physical world will pass away. But heaven will be our homes forever and ever.

This is all true, whether you live in the physical or in the spiritual on this earth. And the heavenlies are very busy lately. Things are going on in the Spirit realm. The Lord knows we are living in DANGEROUS times. And He is sending angels to us all the time to protect us. Angels come down out of heaven as God calls them and they come for a reason. I feel such a peace here at home as the rain gently plays upon my windows. The cool air comes to me from my side screen door just about six feet away. But I know it is the peace that passeth understanding. It is a peace from God. But our earth and the heavenlies are not at peace. Violence is in heaven (Matthew 11:12) and the violent take it by force. What we loose in heaven is loosed on earth.

And, ya know, please, ladies, pray for me and Annie, especially. She is a young mom who has so much responsibility with her own family. Running (or trying to run) with me has got to be hard. We need folks to pray for this group. I am so glad for Artie, Kelly’s husband, that seems to have a heart for us and what we are trying to do. I sure welcome the husbands to cover us spiritually in prayer. I have always asked that all of you who are on the group to really submit to your husbands. I try to submit to Jim’s memory and to not go outside of where I think he would want me to go. I use his memory as a guide to keep myself under submission to the Lord.

But we live in hard times. We need to be doing our canning, freezing, etc.

Bread and Butter Pickles

These pickles are just housewife pickles that don’t take much thinkin’ but Jim just loved them. As I prepare to make them, I feel like I am takin’ a step in faith to re-enter my life of homemaking again. I hear the cloud of witnesses cheering me on. The angels are smiling. Oh, I have done the regular stuff like vacuuming and cooking and stuff. But nothing back to the land where my heart touches Jim’s. I used to make barrels of these pickles but I will just make a crock full for the fridge this year.

I have about 7 big cukes. So I will slice these up with the peeling on them. Also add onion slices and green peppers, and about a fourth cup of salt. So you let these sit in a bowl for a few hours with water over them. Put a plate on top to keep the cuke mixture under water. Most recipes say overnight. Then drain them and rinse them with cold water. So then make a syrup for them on a stove in a pan. I will use my big spaghetti pan.

For just these few cukes, I will make my brine with just 2 cups of white vinegar and 2 cups of sugar, then the spices. Just bring this brine to a boil and turn it off and add the cukes mixture. Push the cukes all under the brine. The spices I will use (put them in when you add the sugar) are turmeric, about a fourth tsp. And about 2 tbs of mustard seed. Some garlic and about a Tbs celery seed. Some folks add cloves and cinnamon sticks, etc. but I don’t. And they cook the pickles longer but I want mine crisp. I like mine about half cooked.

One year I ran out of cukes and used zucchini to make these pickles. Jill used to use zucchini for everything. I made an apple pie once with zucchini and gave some to Aunt Toot and she never knew the difference. Poor Aunt Toot!

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

It’s so hard lately doing my homemaking. I love my home so much. It is so lovely and old-fashioned right now. In August, I can hear the locusts outside my side door as I write. Our wild plum tree seems to call me from the side screen door. Oh, Papa planted it about 15 years ago. “Papa, you remind me of the wild plum tree.” Also at the side yard is Dixie’s old windmill. And around the bottom is a pumpkin plant happily growing. It’s private out this side of the house as the herb garden hides it from the front of the house. Kitty’s dog house is out under the tree. Chance spends many happy afternoons there, trying to stay away from Peggy Sue (inside cat.) The apple trees are full of apples and the garden is overcome with weeds. I couldn’t keep up this year. But I am getting a lot of tomatoes, anyway. I think, “Oh, dear Jesus, will I ever bake bread again?”

I told Aunt Toot last night that I feel like a 7-year-old child left in charge to go on to make a life. I feel like a mother on the prairie that Indians came and massacred her family. And Mother is left alone to carry on alone. She has decided to keep the house and run it and build upon it. And yet she is doing all the work and grieving at the same time. The key players are dead and she is left to pick up the pieces. And many women have done this I am not the only one. But it’s hard to look at the gardens. Especially, it is hard to look at the fruit trees that Papa planted. It’s hard to look at his blue spruce in the back yard and not see him babying it.

Papa taught me so much about making bread and doing back to the land things. I had never even seen a seed to plant or held one in my hands before I married Jim. It’s like I can’t even think of storing food or doing anything like that. This morning I tried to make myself a pancake and I could hardly do it. Papa loved pancakes and it’s hard to make them without him.

Grief is a process, no matter how much we deny it. And I keep waiting to feel better so that I can do this or that. But I have to just go on and do what is before me. As I look out my window, I see the morning glories starting to cover everything. Next year, I want to grow morning glories on my clothes line. I think, “Oh, Lord, what will become of me?” Will I make it or not? I guess time will tell.

As Toot and I visited last evening, I told her that I have no desire to remarry. And I think, “Who could top Papa?” I mean, Jim and me never spent hardly any time in this present world. Not that we were that Godly spiritual but we lived in another spiritual world — not this one, really. We didn’t really live with the same ideas as others have. Not that we thought we were more right then anyone else, no. But we always lived in our own private world. Folks could tell us anything and we would politely smile and go home and have dinner, and most of the time forget the whole thing.

We had our own way of life. I think this was because I was always trying to create a peace in the home and Jim was trying to always guard me from any heartache or confusion. If Mama was OK, then to Jim, the world was still spinning as it should be. I remember when we had our big fire that nearly burned the whole top of the house off. When the firemen left, I tried to light the kerosene burner to make my poor husband some coffee. Papa and me couldn’t wait for the firemen to leave so that we could walk privately in our home and see what damage there was.

I guess I have learned to walk alone with God. And the only one I let into my inner court or my holy place has been Papa. I was always more gifted in wifehood then motherhood. Oh, I loved my children but Jim always came first in my life. Jim knew he was first so he stepped aside so that the children, at times, could have their mother. He knew my mind was always on him.

And I never argued with Jim, except a few weeks before he died. He said to me, “Connie, it is my heart, not the hiatal hernia. I am dying.” I screamed at him, “No, you aren’t!” And he tried again to tell me, and I got mad. Then he said, “OK, I won’t say it again.” Then the next day, he tried to tell me again and I said, “I don’t want to get up every day and hear you talk like this.” I would not listen to him. I wouldn’t consider losing him.

And even at the end, Jim still had hope, even after his bypass surgery. He told me that he would need to rest a few weeks before he went back to work. Like his friend said to me, “That old boy is gonna die hard.” But Papa was just worn out and couldn’t help but slip into heaven. And like Mary told me, “Mom, I know Dad is always with us.”

Mercy! My whole life, since I was 19, was surrounded by Jim. I have been learning for 40 years that we submit to our own husbands as unto the Lord. I know nothing else. Papa brought home the bacon and I fried it. It was all as simple as that. And yet I feel Jim’s presence so often. Yes, his body is asleep in the grave but he is alive with Jesus in heaven. I know, as well as anything, he is sad because of me. He wants me to go on and live a happy life. All this is, is a time of separation. I won’t even remember it someday as I will be with Jim in heaven. I will forget all the sorrow. We both will.

Jim was always so proud of me. Always trying to introduce me to the people he worked with, or old friends he knew. I want so bad to make him proud of me now. I want to go on and do what is right and pleasing to Jesus and to Jim. I don’t want this life that Jim and I had to ever be forgotten.

I don’t want to remarry as I feel it would take out some of my passion to write about my life with Jim. And I feel that Jim was so special. Surely a story I can’t keep tied down. It’s like I am a book to be written. And I just feel this book is important. It’s a book of truth and I want it to be a golden truth with no deceptions in it. I have been given a place to write and a life to write about. But I tell the Lord, “Good-night, dear Lord Jesus, I am almost 60 years old!” And yet, Laura Ingalls Wilder changed her world with her books and she was a few years older than me when she started. But, oh, mercy! The spirit is willing and the flesh is weak. But, as the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, I want to honor my own husband all of my life.

As a widow, I could remarry. But I feel I could do more damage to the devil if I don’t. To marry again and run away with a missionary and bring the gospel to foreign lands wouldn’t be as important to me as this mission set before me. This mission in this heathen land to bring the fathers’ hearts back to the children, to me, is an important mission. Of course, I do this through the Titus 2 ministry of keepers at home.

To be a trail blazer in this Sodom and Gomorrah is a ministry to women that is the most important of all. And trail blazers walk alone and get stuck in the worst places. They get stuck there so they can warn or minister to others. It’s to help women to find the path to home.

God is calling many Titus 2 mothers to come forth. Our blood-stained earth calls to Mothers from the graves of abortion. The wicked can kill their babies. But the babies’ spirits cry out and their spirits will never die. They are alive with God their Father. Never before in history has heaven been so full with unborn babies. Never before in our world have so many mothers’ hearts been broken over disobedient children. We Christian mothers have raised our children for Christ as many of our mothers did before us for two thousand years. And yet some of us suffer with unruly children. There seems, at times, no hope left. And yet we know that all things are possible with God. And the Titus 2 Mothers have to come forth to encourage us and be our cheerleaders. It’s our breath and heartbeat.

Titus 2 Ministry

Oh, all kidding aside about Aunt Toot. We had a wonderful time last evening of rich fellowship. We just had a little snack of sliced tomatoes and cucumbers, potato chips, and store bought cookies. I had iced tea and Toot had coffee. But then we went in the living room to visit. She really ministered to me. Made me sorry I said all those mean things about her being older then me and having a walker. It was a lie! But, seriously, she ministered to me as I haven’t been miinistered to in a long time. And it took her to say it, too.

She ministered to me about Mary. To me, our Mary is almost unthinkable at this point. But Toot said, “Oh, Connie, she will be alright.” And she told me to remember all the stuff I took my parents through. But, of course, I wasn’t raised in a Christan home. But it took Aunt Toot to minister this to me, as she has had 5 girls. I had mostly boys.

But I will tell you, to have an old friend who knows me well and my patterns of life to minister peace to me was worth so much to me. To live a faithful life and to gather faithful friends about you is a goal worth seeking. To have old friends that still love you, even though you aren’t very lovable at times, is precious to me.

In the middle of our visit, another friend stopped briefly. But then, when she left, I asked Toot to continue with what she had in her heart. And it was as if she was called here to say certain things and the Lord gave her a place to say them. Even though we were interrupted, she went right back to the place she was, as if it had only been a second in between.

Toot does have a gift of prophesy. And she told me Mary would be alright and I didn’t need to worry about her. And I feel this was a word from the Lord. About 3 years ago, Toot had a vision of Jim dying and being carried out of the house on a stretcher. And when she was talking, I could feel the Lord when she talked about Mary. And we talked about how we can make our kids a god. And we let our heartache color everything else in our lives. But the Lord wants for us to put Him up first place in our lives. We have to lay our Issacs down. We have to go on with the Lord and let Him have all of our lives. But anyway, yes, we had a sweet fellowship and the Lord was lifted up and glorified. Just simple times together to raise up Jesus are so important.

God chooses the foolish of this earth to confound the wise. But I am sure this is how Mary and Elisabeth met together to encourage each other. These two women held heaven and earth in their hands as they talked. Little did they know that. But little is much when God is in it.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Ya know, last week I spent a lot of time at the hospital with Mary as she had the staph infection. Well, anyway, I picked up a sort of like flu, I think, from the hospital. Anyway, my stomach hurt and nothing I could do would make it quit. This went on for about three days. I felt like there was a bacteria in my stomach.

Well, I prayed for some raw garlic and my friend Bonni brought some over. I took a piece of garlic the size of a big vitamin pill or a large capsule? I chewed it a bit and swallowed it along with a thousand mil Vitamin C. I did this about twice with two hours in between. The stomach pain went away almost instantly. Being a bit weak, etc. lasted longer. The Vitamin C is supposed to help the garlic work better and the garlic the Vitamin C. But, boy, it knocked the major part of that sickness right out.

I had read years ago about a flu epedemic in the U.S. And the old timers ate the fresh garlic and swore by it. It does kill germs. I think yogurt would have worked, too. I mean the kind with the cultures. Yogurt sure gets rid of yeast infections.

But I thought I would share this home remedy. Now I must humbly bow and run off stage with my newly healed stomach. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Love,
Dr. Connie

Dear Mothers,

Well, ya know, sometimes ya just gotta tell a funny story.

About a month ago, Aunt Toot was visiting with me and and my friend’s daughter, Maggie age 32, stopped by and told me her Mom had lost my phone number and she wanted me to call her. I looked deep into Maggie’s eyes. “How are you doing, Maggie?” I asked her. All the time, I am thinkin’ “What a loaded question to ask Maggie!” Our eyes met and she knew I knew what she had been up to because of her Mom. She is doing a lot better, though. But, anyway, her Mother in the old days had been in prison and in gangs and you name it. Maggie and I got to laughin’ about how her mother nearly shot her leg off years ago. Poor Aunt Toot’s eyes are getting bigger and bigger as Maggie and I are talking. After she left, Toot says, “What was Cindy doing with a gun to start with?” Ya know, I had never thought of that. I mean, Cindy always had a gun. I think it was a hunting gun.

I had met Cindy many years ago in the early 70s. Our sons were in preschool together. Well, Cindy was the wildest woman. And I was always winning people to Jesus. And so I became her friend and she invited me to her apartment where she lived with her husband and two children. That apartment was like something you would have never beleived. One day as we were talking in Cindy’s kitchen, the ceiling in the living room fell in. She had a shower in the kitchen that was just a door you went into. You open the door and there is the shower stall. No light or anything but a shower stall. You close the door and it was pitch black. It wasn’t a room but just a shower stall with a wooden door. Cindy didn’t come to the Lord at this time but then moved to Arkansas and a preacher there told her about Jesus and she was saved in a church. Then she and the family moved back and she told me that she could finally see what I meant.

Lately, she fell and broke her other leg and has had to have a lot of therapy in the hospital. Finally she called me yesterday. I was so glad to hear from her. We are like sisters — long lost sisters. We rarely see each other but are never without each other in our hearts. She now has MS and sounded so sweet on the phone. I feel a peace always when I am around her. She has a sweet love and trust in Jesus but talk about the wildest woman in the world?

Well, back to the late 70s. So, anyway, back then, I invited Cindy to my home to meet Jim and all. Jim wasn’t saved yet. Anyway, we came into the house and Jim says, “Hi, Cindy.” And Cindy goes, “Hi Jim.” I hadn’t known it but Cindy was Jim’s girlfriend when he first came to town. Oh, mercy — what a riot! Later, we met Cindy’s husband Harry. I tried to tell him about Jesus while Jim was there. He was a murderer and promised to murder Jim if I told him again about Jesus. Later on, he did go to prison for murder, among other things. But the funniest part of all of this was that Cindy’s family was rich and her mom was the most stuck up old dame you could imagine.

Well, Cindy had a way of pickin’ guys to marry. She gave Harry a fat divorce and decided to marry his cousin. I thought she should stay with Harry as he was her husband. He did get life in prison but she was better off to have stayed with him as that would have kept her out of the trouble of marrying three more times. She could have saved herself a lot of heartache. Harry got life.

Anyway, her mother tells me on the front porch, as we are sipping iced tea, that Harry was a modern day cattle rustler. Well, Harry if he got hungry (which was often as he never worked) would go to a farm and steal a cow. He would kill it in the field and then cut it in half and bring half home. Then he would cut it up in his basement. Well, this was after Cindy was saved and was trying to have a prayer meeting. Harry comes running in the house telling Cindy to clear everyone out, that he was bringing in half a cow. Oh, those were the crazy days, huh?

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

My girl Christian just called. “Mom, I have the barbarians (her brothers) in the back seat and we are in a car on our way to where the wedding will be in upstate New York.” Jimmy (our oldest son) and his wife will meet them there. All the kids will be there except for Mary. Papa and me are there in Spirit. I didn’t go as I just couldn’t leave Mary or leave the house so soon after Jim’s passing. One by one, I talked to the boys in the back seat. To each one, I said, “I am thinking of you and praying for you. I am with you in my heart.” David said, “All is well, Mom. None of us went to jail but the day isn’t over yet.” I said, “Well, there ya go. Good for you!” Just kidding! I hope?

This morning in prayer, as I prayed for all of the Hultquist kids, I could see Jim on a white horse and his cowboy hat. He was racing into heaven and going from heaven to heaven, and he was yelling and shouting, “You gotta bless our kids, Lord. They are Yours — they are Yours.” Jim was a mighty warrior surrounded by heavenly lights of all shades of golden clouds. And he was racing that horse with violence and doing warfare in the heavenlies.

I talked to Sissy Joy (Christian) and I told her how much I loved her and that my prayers were with her and I would be praying at the time she is getting married. And I won’t do anything but pray from 4:30 until 5:30. Then I talked to Jason (groom) who sounds like a guardian angel. He is driving. Well, he is one, ya know? An angel, I mean.

No one talks about Mary. The only one missing. Our hearts are so sore and we have just quit discussing her. There seems to be no answer. And yet God has never let me down and never will. Still, there is a time to rest from our warring and fighting. And I must rest or die of a broken heart. I wake up sick with worry. And I think of Jim’s life and how the devil had proven to me that God didn’t care concerning my marriage. And, of course, it looks as if God doesn’t care about Mary, age 21. But in our faith walk, we must enter that stage where all hope seems lost. It goes with the territory. Satan proves to you that God doesn’t care. And we must not weep and cry as those who have no hope. Because God is the Miracle Maker.

Again and again lately, my memory drops back to all the time after Jim was saved. He gave his testimony to many church groups. And he would tell about his life of living on the street and sleeping under bridges. And then he would say “If it hadn’t been for that lil girl right over there (he would point to me) I wouldn’t be here tonight to give my testimony.” And he would tell about how he would leave us and how Connie would never leave but she stayed at home and was faithful to pray until he was healed. And I know the Lord is reminding me through that memory how lost Jim was and how the devil tried to prove to me then that all hope was gone and yet it wasn’t. And I went on to have a sweet marriage with Jim, in a home made in heaven. God gave me double blessing for all the years I suffered. 12 years of hell and 26 years of joy. It was worth it all not to give up. And for years after Jim was saved, I would say in my prayers, “It’s Connie, devil, the one you told me my husband was impossible.” I often reminded Satan that he did not win that battle. And I remind him again now that he did not win that battle and won’t win this battle with Mary, either. God will move heaven and earth to answer my prayers for Mary because I have faith and I trust in Him.

David’s Pants

On the phone this morning, as I talked to David, he said, “Mom, I lost my belt.” He was kidding. I always tell him, “David, pull up your pants.” And then he will say, “Yes, it’s only my Mother’s prayers that hold my pants up.” But he knows how I worry his pants will fall off. So he thought it would be funny to tell me on the phone that he lost his belt just before the wedding.

I can take these funny kids as long as I am fully awake. But, ya know, tryin’ to keep up with these kids lately has been like being tied to the back of a jet … and shot into the air like a cannon ball.

Starting a Revolution sounds mild compared to this. In fact, I should be able to do anything the Lord calls me to do, as I have already been through my own personal World War. I mean, it all HAS TO BE GOOD from now on out, right? Unless the Lord just plans on shooting me into Glory and you will never see me again. I keep prayin’ “Lord, don’t ya know I am toooo old for this? Being shot out of a cannon is for young women, NOT old women.” No joke, I absolutely quiver in my boots.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

The phone rang this morning. “Mother, the barbarians have landed.” It was Christian Joy telling me that John and David had made it to NYC. Last night the Yeah Yeah Yeahs played at a concert along with other bands like the Sonics. Anyway, Christian Joy is the Yeah Yeahs’ personal clothes designer. So the boys (David, Dan, and John) got to sit at the V. I. P. table. Last night, I had Tiff, Christine, and the grandbabies over for supper. Anyway, the boys kept calling on cell phones back to their wives to tell them what famous people they were sitting by. Christian Joy said the boys were such a hit with all of her friends. Well, they all look so much alike. John and Christian look like twins almost. And Dan and David look so much alike. Joy’s friends said that the boys make twenty of her. Chrissy said, “Mom, if the boys didn’t like someone, they told them to their face.” Oh, man, what a riot! NYC will never be the same. As the mother of this group, I feel like a fart in a storm.

I woke up sort of queasy this morning. So I decided to watch this movie on TV? It was “Analyze This.” It was about this psychiatrist that was trying to counsel this guy in the mafia. The shrink was a mild mannered guy and got in all this trouble with the mafia. It was a comedy but at first I wasn’t laughing. Then I could see myself as the shrink and boy, could, I relate. I started to laugh and laugh and then I actually ate something. I can hardly eat at times. I mean, I had better laugh!

Actually, nothing signifies my life as much as I describle myself as the fart in a storm. I am a puzzle piece that does nothing right but I try to hold still and not move and, by faith, I see the pieces move into place.

Joy and I talked about the terrorists and how twenty-four of them tried to take ten planes down just a few days before the boys got on the plane to go to NYC. But I told Joy, “Ya know, Joy, what Dad and I tried to teach you kids is to just always keep treading water. Keep the faith and keep on going.” Because, ya know, it looks like we are heading for WW3, no matter who is in power, the Democrats or Republicans. I said to her, “Ya know, Papa and me kinda raised you kids different.” And we talked about how family meant so much and how ya don’t give up on family. I said that Dad and I were Christians but not really the church kinda Christians. But that you had a personal relationship to Christ. Not religion but Christ and a personal walk with Him.

For one thing, Papa in the beginning, before Christ, was such a con artist. He could smell a con a mile away. The only way to ever reach some of these gangsters is through the heart and soul. Through loving them when everyone else has given up on ‘em. But you try to take them to church and they hear a sermon on “give me your money” and they laugh their heads off. They won’t get serious in a church like that. They will play with preacher like a cat plays with a mouse before they eat them.

If we need to do anything in the Christian world at this point, it is to Get Real! If you don’t want to die for your faith, you better bail now. Hard times are about us and it looks like harder times are coming. The times of the Billy Graham crusades are over. They were great in their time. But at this point, the Lord is calling warriors to His army. The spiritual battles are fired up about us. And our country battles on many sides. We as Mothers in His army need to teach our children faith and courage. How to do the hard things in faith.

I told the girls last night, “I pray that I am an example to you in how I take care of Mary. Because when Baby Rose and Romeo get older, times will be harder than now.” Tiff said that her and David were just talking about that. I try to talk to the girls a lot and impart my faith to them. Tiff is due to have their baby next month. They will call him David James.

Dolly Madison Ministry

Ya know, Dolly Madison was the wife of James Madison. He was one of the first presidents and founding fathers of our country. Anyway, Dolly, his wife, opened her home to the great patriots of the day so that they had a good place to have a meal and be able to relax and talk. Her home is where many great ideas were birthed. She had a heart for America and knew that the men of the hour needed a place to talk. Otherwise, they had to go to the taverns, as these were the only meeting houses, and it wasn’t very private. When the British were coming, it was Dolly who saved the picture of George Washington just before the White House was burned.

But, ya know, we as housewives can be like Dolly. I try to have simple suppers with my daughters-in-law and often the whole family. I try to make a place where we can talk and impart strength to each other. Where the ideas and the communication can flow. We mothers need to make places where we can talk and feel at ease. Not a place to call anyone out on the carpet — NO! Even if the grandchildren don’t want to eat, I don’t care. I am not here to dictate who eats what. I tell the girls, “Don’t worry about it. Do what ya want.” They are good mothers and know what their own kids’ need. If I get the children something special for a treat and they don’t like it, I could care less. I am not here to make people do what I want. I have invited the kids over to be able to enjoy them and that’s all. And then when all the falderal is out of the way, we can eat leisurely and talk. We can take our iced tea outside and watch the children play in the yard. We are at peace and can express our thoughts, etc.

But our kids need a place to be able to have a nice meal and to be able to express what they think. Young people love big salads and spaghetti and bread. It’s easy food to fix and to eat simply. In this age, a lot of young families need the counsel of us older Christians. They need to see us in crisis. We have a lot of valuable things to pass on to them. Also, I need my kids — they keep me young and keep me in the know as to what folks their age worry about.

I mean, now more then ever, in these hard times, we need to open our homes as homemakers to give the common person a place to relate and to communicate their thoughts. TV tells you very little. But the youth of our day will tell you what’s eating them if you give them a place to tell you. Even to just have sandwiches and a salad or soup. I mean, don’t make it a big meal that wears you to a frazzle and you then don’t have time to be crisp and perky and alive with conversation when they get there. The meal isn’t the major event but the personal relationship and thoughts spoken between you is what matters.

We older Mothers need a place to express courage and faith in a simple way over a simple meal. A place to impart our spirits to our loved ones. But, mostly, a place where our older children can express themselves and unwind their thoughts in peace.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I had such good news last night. My neighbor came over and asked me to babysit their two girls for the school year coming up. Also I may get to teach the girls piano lessons. I would love that.

I thought Mary was getting out of the hospital but they are keeping her about four more days. I don’t think Mary will ever get out if she don’t do what her Mom is prayin’ for. Anyway, I just keep prayin’ for Brandon. I asked the Lord this morning how He was going to work this out. And He says “Trust Me.” He keeps tellin’ me to stay on the Covenant of Marriage. And to keep prayin’ for Mary and Brandon’s marriage. But I knew Brandon was so out of hand and crazy, Mary couldn’t go back to him since she was so sick. Well, this morning, she called me from the hospital to tell me that Brandon was in jail. “Oh, yes, Lord, that seems right” — and he will be there for a while, thank the Lord. Mary said everyone said he was very calm when they picked him up. I know I am happy as I know he is done running and maybe I can rest now, too.

This dang group is like chasin’ chickens. You round up two and put them in the hen house and then you go to run after two more and the first two get out, somehow through some hole you can’t find. I keep screamin’ “Don’t ya know a fox is out here?” I keep yellin’ at ‘em but they just can’t knock it off. Some of this, I just have to laugh. And it ain’t funny. Well, some of it is. Such as the folks Mary was living with are all breaking out with staph. That’s funny! But Brandon was just running loose. No house to live in and a car the loan people were trying to repossess. No job. Mary would have had to live her life as a homemaker in the back of the van. I couldn’t see that since she is so sick.

But ya know what? The battle is the Lord’s. I am standing on the covenant of marriage. I am just prayin’ the Word and it’s up to the Lord to work out His own Word. I am not the Miracle Worker. But I hate not to tell this story, as it is too good to stay tied down. I mean, I had given Mary to the Lord yesterday and she was just ready to take off with Lane and BOOM the doctor said she had to stay four more days. Is the angels workin’ or what? I mean, when you stand on the Word of God, then God is honor bound to work. He has to — it is His Word.

As I faced Lane yesterday, you wouldn’t have believed the thoughts that went through my mind. But I had already prayed through and decided not to come at him like a meat grinder. It’s a good thing I had decided that first hand and that I remembered I had decided it. Because I will tell ya, the anointing of wickedness came on me and I think I could have taken him. But I knew I wasn’t supposed to. And I mean, that guy had better get to runnin’ now, as he is in a very large and dangerous place. God’s hand is moving!

And I told Mary this morning when she called from the hospital, “You tell Brandon I am very sorry for what he is going through and I take no pleasure in knowing the hard times he is facing.” And Mary said, “Mom, I don’t take any pleasure in it, either.” Mary has watched how I have dealt with her when she was in jail and now she is acting this out with her husband. Yes, Brandon is her husband and God will honor Mary only as she honors her marriage covenant. There are things for Mary to learn here, too. She isn’t perfect, either, but God will honor her if she will honor Him. You don’t give up on your families, no matter what. This is how you put God first is you put his Word first. The marriage covenant is precious to God and He hates divorce.

I am tellin’ you all the truth. I have a peace here in my home that passes understanding. Yes, I suffer like a dog. I do. Mary told me, “Mom, you have an eating disorder and I am having you committed.” I laughed at that. Now I am going to get committed! And for not eating. What next? Well, who could eat in times like these? One high noon showdown at a time.

Chicken Thieves

And I mean, can’t ya just imagine me trying sit up to the table and eat with Chicken Thieves and wild capers going off all around me? Every time I take a deep breath, someone does something that ain’t right. And I do all of this with no income. No, I am just kidding — I have some money. But I really needed some money coming in and now I will have some.

Today’s problem is that Mary’s lawyer hasn’t called and she has told me that she plans to escape the hospital to get to her court date. She doesn’t want to miss her court date again. I keep tellin’ her that they know where she is, but then I just told her, “Oh, Mary, go ahead.” I mean, the angels can stop her. I am not going to sit and argue with her. I pray to God that someone will stop her.

Now why did I think that between me and Jim, we would have normal children? What was I thinking? Had I just had Jimmy and quit after him, then everyone would have thought I was a genius. Jimmy never did one thing wrong in his life. He has the equivalent of a PHD in light design. Then I had Christian Joy and folks would have thought I was a genius die-hard feminist. Then I had to have Johnny who ran away for 7 years. Then David is quiet and Dan is pretty, well, not exactly quiet, but doesn’t go to jail. But Mary Elisabeth — oh, mercy! I am glad to have one of her.

Seriously, I just feel that Mary had too much heartache to deal with, and Brandon, too. And I think the Lord’s grace just has to intervene. They were good kids when they married. Jim made Brandon bring Mary home every evening by 9:00 on the weeknights and they were rarely late. And on the weekends 10:00. Mary never stayed out even until 11:00 until the night before she got married. Brandon had a good job and Mary babysat. But then things started to go wrong and after the baby died, they barely rallied. Then when Jim died, Brandon quit work and hasn’t worked since April. I feel like dyin’ myself. But I guess I have more work to do, just runnin’ to keep up.

“And, oh, God, please help me, Jesus.” As I write, I am reading the writing and holding onto Jim’s wedding ring that I have on a chain around my neck. I often put my fingers through it as I am just sitting and doing nothing. I just hold it. I say to Papa, “Oh, Papa, I am standing on God’s Covenant. I am doing my best to take care of Betsy (Mary).” I know I would want Jim to take care of our children if I had passed to heaven. Oh, I love Jim so much and the best I can do is trust our children to God. All I know is to trust in Jesus and His word. The rest will come. I cannot fight these battles — they are the Lord’s. And, yes, I stand in the lions den and the lions roar about me. And yet, ya know, I have a peace.

Yes, dear Mothers, never forget what I am telling you. I have a peace that passeth understanding. No, I eat very little but maybe this is a fast that God has me on. I don’t know. But, yes, His grace is sufficient for me. And I know I have told you this story before, how the martyrs were in line. And the one said to the other, “As you burn at the stake, raise up two fingers if God’s grace is sufficient for you.” And as the martyr burned, he raised up three fingers. Of course, saying that God’s grace was more then sufficient for him. And I would raise up five fingers to tell you, “Yes, God’s grace is more than sufficient for me.”

As I stand writing in this house, it looks in the Spirit like a book. It seems to have layers of pages. I feel the angels flying back and forth out of here. I know they find rest here. This is a spiritual house that was left in shambles to die. And yet God raised it up with His Word and many miracles. And ya know, God has an endless supply of miracles.

The little girls across the street ask their parents in the evening, “Is it time to pray for Connie yet?” Their family prays for our family each night. And they are the little girls I will babysit for.

His Grace is Enough

And ya know, I hate writing all of this. But it’s writing that needs to come out. I am aiming at the true believers that mean business with God. Believers that will truly put God first. I can see that many of these writings God will keep safe and will be read by martyrs as the days go on. I am so tired of the warmed over “spit in by the devil” bread for the believers. These preachers throw stale bread at the Christians and then stand with their hand out to be paid for it. And they tell you that if you don’t like bread with mold on it, then it’s because you are in sin. I hate sharing my life, but what I would hate more is not sharing it. How else can I tell you that God’s grace is sufficient for me?

And pretty soon, no doubt, this morning I will get some phone calls from the Jezebels to tell me they read in the paper about Brandon. Oh, I pray they didn’t put it in. But I suppose they did.

Dear Mothers, we are prayin’ in the warriors for Christ. Just keep prayin’ and don’t give up. Last night, as I talked with the dad to the little girls I will babysit for, he said, “Well, I was a prodigal son but my Mother prayed for me all the time.” I had heard she was a very devout Mother. We talked about the book Confessions of St Augustine and about St. Monica. It is the day for it. All of us believers will have to admit that our nation is in dire straits. It’s His way or the highway! It’s not a time to play church or play games with the scriptures. It’s not a time to worry over our reputation or what will the neighbors think.

Mary says, “Mom, aren’t you afraid of staph?” I said, “No, if I die, I die.” I would rather die helping Mary then any other way. She is my daughter and my friend. I told her yesterday, “Mary, I love you and I like you, too.” And Mary told me, “Mom, I love you and like you, too.”

I pray to always be liked by the one child who is the furthest down.

Love,
Connie