Dear Mothers, I wrote to Nancy at Above Rubies today. Thought you might like to read it. Love, Connie

Hi Nancy,

Ya know lately the Lord has been having me read the past issues of Above Rubies. I think it is because I will have a much smaller (much smaller) ministry like yours. I saw this in a vision years ago.

Well, you know now I am babysitting. Jim left me a small amount of savings after he died and he paid off the house. Bless his heart! I miss him. But I still have to make enough money to live on, for groceries and to pay the taxes, etc. But as you have called so many in your magazines to adopt children, I think the Lord is calling me to call older widows to babysit.

It is such a joy to fill up my home now with children. I am not as young as I used to be but I can do some things to put my life into children. I was hoping to tutor young ones, too. I could do this and care for little ones at the same time. I enjoy caring for the one month old baby girl. Then I have an 8-year-old after school girl and Olivia Jean, who I have all day, who is 4. It is a small group of little girls but I love it.

I was just thinking this morning of older than I am widows that could easily take in after school children for a few hours. It would be such a blessing to the widow and the children. So many children need the example of a godly Christian Mother. In our society, it seems there is such a disgust towards little children. I feel so sorry for people like that. As I take a walk with 4-year-old Olivia, her hand in mine, I feel so complete and happy. I don’t have the one month old Baby every day, just three days a week. No, I don’t think Mothers should go out to work. But since they do, I think the Lord would love catching these children in the wings of a stay at home grandma.

I am just 59 and I know I could remarry. The Bible says for the widows under 60 to remarry and guide the house and bear more children. But I have no desire to run from house to house, anyway. (1 Timothy 5:4-9) I just want to stay home and do what I have been doing for many years. I enjoy having a garden and storing food for the winter.

Anyway, Nancy, just wanted to share a writing with your this morning.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

This morning I don’t have Baby Olivia Rose but have Olivia Jean (4). So I will have a bit of time to write.

I woke up this morning so burdened for Mary. The Lord spoke unto my heart and delivered me as I cried and prayed. The Lord opened my mind and heart to the truth. And I cried out to God. “Lord, I did right raising my last three children in home school. Why did You forsake me?” And as I prayed, the Lord told me, “Connie, I couldn’t get your testimony out of you any other way.” And, oh, how true that was.

Jim got saved in 1979. I did not give the testimony until about 1999 — something like that. I can’t remember. Oh, I gave the testimony once in a blue moon to someone who was dyin’ on the vine. But it was very rare that I would. I remember writing out the testimony and sending it to Sarah’s Promise. It was very watered down, believe me. Then I got a bit braver and sent it again and wrote it anonymously. I was Jeanie from Florida. Boy, did that cause a lot of controversy for the magazine. Then shortly after that, I wrote the testimony for Above Rubies. As the hurt came into my life concerning my children of promise, the more my life leaked out in words to you all. And I say all of this to say that at one time, I lived a very pure life for Jesus. I was hidden away for about 19 or 20 years. I started writing in 1997 when I turned 50. But as I wrote, I hid my life from most people. My writing was just on homemaking and things in general.

I got published in three publications the month I first began writing. Folks liked my writing but when I told them the real story behind who I was, I was very blackballed. Still, when I open the little publication from New Zealand, my heart is so heavy. Delwyn was on my group for about a year and never would publish hardly any of my writings in her magazine. It was so hard also getting published in Crowned with Silver. Now they seem to love me and publish a lot of what I write. A lot of the publishers liked my writings and were ministered to by it but was too afraid to publish it. And believe me, even when Crowned with Silver publishes my writing, they just pick the more watered down writings. Sharon published some good ones in the book we put out. I have a feeling this next book she is putting together will hit the giant on the head even more then the last book.

The Lord is workin’ on me — trust me. One of these days, I will put out that Zine and the Revolution will begin. But the Lord spoke to my heart this morning. “Connie, you come out with a machine gun for every situation and shoot things that don’t even need to be shot.” I mean I would like to laugh but God doesn’t think I am funny. Aunt Toot thinks I am sick if I ain’t cussin’ a feminist out. But, well, the Lord is changing me. Dealing with the babysitting is reminding me that I must be holy to teach holiness. When a child is in my presence, I always change. I get softer. I hide away unto Him.

When the Lord first called me to write, I thought it was not a place of honor. I still don’t think it is. I am happiest with a houseful of children and soup simmering on the stove. I think there is almost a bitterness in me as God called me to write. Papa’s and my life was always a secret. I never dreamed that what God was teaching me in the closet, I would have to shout to the nation. I thought that I had learned His wisdom only to teach my own children. I thought my children would be dedicated believers and then raise their children for Christ. My fight has always been with Satan. And when he attacked my family, I attacked him. And when he was trying to eat me alive, I wrote my testimony and sent it to the world through Above Rubies. And along with all of my writings has come a hardness of my soul. I have forgotten the days of purity and righteousness. I became a warrior — had to be one to make it. And yet I feel this is where we become intercessors.

But ya know the Lord does call us to holiness. To be holy means to be pure and set apart unto God.

When Mary was in the hospital, I told her, “Ya know Nina (nickname), sometimes we just get in situations that we make a lot of mistakes because we really can’t help it. We lack knowledge or spiritual understanding.” Well, it is still sin ya know? And ya know if Jesus got thrown off a cliff, He wouldn’t have gotten hurt. But sometimes we His children get thrown off a cliff and we are devastated. We are left for dead, it seems, for days and then someone finds us and helps us and we recover very slowly. All the time we are recovering, we are condemned by the devil that we ain’t doin’ it right. But all the time, the Lord is using us in our desperation. Jesus can’t be the example of sin such as this. But God uses us to walk this out. And He seems to know we will fail — have to fail.

We are intercessors. We are part Holy Spirit and part of us have our feet in the world. Jesus can’t show us this, as He is perfect, but we are not. As He leads us, we walk into a place of danger where we fail. We wish that we knew spiritually how not to enter this place but the evil is stronger then our knowledge of God. We are a day late and a dollar short. We feel condemned because we were not prayed up or as strong as Sarah in the Bible. Yes, there is always Victory in Jesus. Yes, His Spirit can take us to Victory always. But sometimes as we are in the world, we fail to pray as we should and we make mistakes. Then we want to make excuses and we feel stupid and don’t want to go back to the bend in the road. Or we overdo what God has called us to do. Like me taking out a spiritual machine gun and shooting everything instead of limiting myself to just what God has called me to shoot. Or I am famous for shooting flies with cannons. Or throwing a bomb in the window because I couldn’t get the front door open. Fear sometimes causes us to overdo things. Ya know what I mean?

Well, I don’t know if I am making any horse sense or not. But my life scares me to death at times. And I guess the Lord is trying to tell me to settle down. That He knows that I didn’t mean to do it. “At ease, soldier, you can go back to your regular life now.” Did anyone understand this writing? Let me know, OK?

Love,
Connie

Dear Mommys,

Just got Baby Olivia (3 weeks old) this morning. Fed her and now she is napping. I have a bit of time before Olivia Jean, who is 4, gets here. They come an hour apart. Hopefully this morning I can make a couple cakes. One will be a simple butter cake and one will be chocolate. Maybe will make some chili, too … it all depends upon the children and if they don’t need me. Isobel after school needs some sort of a snack before the folks pick the girls up. I will freeze the leftover cake. Hopefully it will last the week. None of these girls are any trouble and do more for me then I do for them. They are such blessings to me.

My friend Linda up the street is the most godly woman I know. She babysits three toddlers and a 3-year-old. And sometimes, after school, grandchildren. Linda woman can run like the wind! I think actually she is a few months older then me. Linda’s husband left her 15 years ago and she is still believing God for him. He comes over to see her a few times a week. She is so kind to him and loving. Linda is a wonder of God! She lives a few blocks from me. She dropped over yesterday as she just had one toddler and the 3-year-old grandson. When she came in and saw me with the tiny new baby, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She didn’t think I would get the new baby so soon. She smiled into my eyes as I held the baby. “I bet you are happy now,” Linda told me.

Everyone who knows me knows I always wanted more and more babies. I pray I get to help raise this new baby. Ashly, the mom, brought a big package of Pampers and baby wipes for me to keep here. It was like giving a little girl doll clothes for her doll baby. Jesus tells us to enter His kingdom as children. It’s fun to have the heart of a child and to play and imagine fun things.

When I was a child, I loved to play house out on the back porch. My Mother and Dad had such a good imagination and Dad built me a doll cupboard. They loved to buy me doll dishes. I had a little doll washing machine. Also I had a miniature sewing machine. Also I had a cleaning cupboard. It was made of a really hard cardboard and in it was a broom and dust mop. Also pretend cleaning supplies. What Mom and Dad didn’t come up with, Grandma Juanita and Grandpa Babe would get for me. I had all the newest baby dolls and I loved every one of them. I tried to sleep with them all at night. One time when I was 5, I was playing with my doll in my bedroom. I was giving her a bath with a pan of water. Mother was in the kitchen (the next room) and I told mom, “I think I saw my dolly breathe.” I loved my dolls and still have many of the childhood dolls I had as a child.

Scuse me for saying this but I think Barbie dolls are the ruin of us. Any little girls want to take the dolls’ clothes off. To see naked Barbies all over a child’s room is to me unthinkable. Barbie was first made as a sex toy in the U.S.A. And, of course, she is the doll of the feminists, for sure. I laugh so hard when Jan on TBN gives Barbie dolls to little black children in Africa. Now why in the world are little black girls going to want big boobed white women to play with?

The ruin of our nation is the feminists. More than ever, we Mothers at home should teach the little girls to play with baby dolls. This is how we teach our little girls to be mothers. Mary and I played Babies a lot when she was little. I had my own doll I would rock in the chair as Mary rocked her baby. This is when a little girl learns to be domesticated.

My own mother loved housekeeping and still does at 84. Mother enjoyed sewing. Mom taught me to sew on an old Singer sewing machine. It was a treadle. And you had to power it with your feet as you moved the treadle back and forth. I wish I had another one like that. It gives you more control.

Well, Baby is waking up so better go.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

It’s early morning and I am up waiting for Olivia Rose to get here. She is only 3 weeks old. No, I wouldn’t have taken any of my babies to a sitter when they were 3 weeks old but … well, welcome to the new society! I wanted a ministry to children and now I have one. Isobel (8) and Olivia Jean (4) are so easy to care for and their parents are so kind to me. So I have the freedom to minister to the new baby and her family. Please pray for their family.

Sorry about yesterday’s writing. Mercy! That writing probably sent Annie back under the bed and some of you other girls, too. What I was trying to say is that no matter how bad things are, we can still get a miracle. I laughed so hard when I wrote about howling out my bedroom window. But I think the sorrowful part of that writing was so much stronger than the funny part. I felt like I really put the breaks on some of you. Sorry!

I am really just fine as frogs hair. But I do know that some of you on here are very sorrowful. Almost to the point that you can barely function. I guess I was just trying to let you know that I know where some of you are. I think many of us mothers are praying for our families.

This morning when I got up, I turned the TV on to this black preacher and he was sooo right on. He said that folks tell you about your prodigal to just forget ‘em and let ‘em go to hell. But he was saying that this wasn’t how the true father did it in the parable of the prodigal son in the Bible. The father was always lookin’ out the window and down the road to see if he could see his son coming. The father wasn’t released from his burden to pray and watch until his son came back home.

No matter how spiritual you are, you will never forget that one of your kids is missing at the table. The prodigal wishes you would forget them and let them do their own thing. But Mother always has that candle in the window. Making a light for the child to see the house. Some days she knows her child is OK but then other days she prays harder. And yet she always knows the angels are over her children. And that they are being taught of the Lord. And that the Lord is contending with those who are contending with her children.

The angels hover over Mary Elisabeth and they shout at her oppressors, “Touch not mine anointed and do her no harm.” But anyway, I shouldn’t have said that my bed was a bed of nails. I was trying to be funny. I just think the sorrow in my heart probably overdid the whole writing.

I rebuke any spirit of grief on this group in Jesus name. The Joy of the Lord is our strength. I am an older Christian and ya sort of carry burdens but you know that in the end a miracle comes. Anyway, Annie, get out from under that bed and sit up straight and act like ya know something.

Love,
Connie

Well, I made it through my first week of babysitting. What a blessing Isobel (8) and Olivia (4) are! Isobel talks all the time and Olivia is as quiet as a baby mouse. We have been close neighbors for about 10 years.

Anyway, Isobel is very mature for her age and this was our conversation on Friday. I am talking to her on the couch and she is looking at my necklace. “Connie, is that Jim’s wedding ring you have on your necklace?” I said it was. I have a stunning cross around my neck that Mary had bought for me. I forget what the name of the jewelry is called but I get many compliments on this cross. And then I have Jim’s wedding ring on the chain, too. Anyway, this is what Isobel said next. She says, “Connie, my Dad’s mother died in a car accident when he was in his third year of college. And also some of my other grandparents have died. My Mother told me that my grandparents are in heaven and they are watching over me every day. And Connie, Jim is in heaven now, and he is watching over you and your children as any good father would.” I mean all of this out of an 8-year-old child? My eyes quickly flooded with tears.

The children’s Daddy is our oldest son Jimmy’s age, 40. And if Aaron asks me about Mary, I just crawl inside. I say, “I don’t want to talk about it.” And Aaron will say, “Ya know my Mother was very devout and she prayed for me all the time.” And it seems that when Aaron was OK, then his Mother died. She was a very godly Catholic Mother.

So many of the neighbors around me are so full of compassion towards me and my family. They are like angels that hover over me watching to make sure I am OK. So many ask me, “How is Mary?” And I force a smile and say that I haven’t talked to her lately.

I try to keep listening to the Lord about her. It’s hard when you know that one of your kids is quenching the Holy Spirit. Mary was the daughter of my heart as my Johnny was like the disciple John whom Jesus loved. I remember Aunt Kriss telling me years ago, after she showed Mary at age 7 her country flower garden, “Mary knows the names of all of the flowers in my yard.” Yes, I had taught Mary as a child the name of all of the old-fashioned flowers. When the forsythia would begin to bloom in the spring, I would point it out to her as we would drive with Papa along a country road. Because Mary could barely wait until the magnolia trees would start to bloom. And she knew that right after the forsythia bloomed, the magnolia tree in our yard would bloom with huge pink tulip like flowers. Mary was always so dreamy and I dressed her in old fashioned cotton dresses.

I have many pictures of her standing in the old magnolia tree. It was an old tree and it finally died after Mary was about 17. Magnolia homed all 6 of my children and when they were grown she died. She just broke down as there were so many nails in her from the many clubhouses made each summer. Jimmy used to sleep out in her branches in the summertime when he was a boy. The kids would hide out there there when the branches were in full bloom. Papa planted two more magnolias out where Mother Magnolia had been. These two Maggies are getting pretty big and will soon be big enough to climb.

And Mary and I loved the lilacs in the springtime. And Mary knew when the peonies would come up as she watched the buds form after the lilacs bloomed. And Mary loved the roses and decorated her room with the 7 Sisters. As Brandon was courting her and brought her roses, she would dry them upside down with a ribbon tied around them. And Mary knew all about the herbs and what they were used for. And in the spring, Mary would make an inside garden as she waited for the weather to warm up to plant her garden. We always had flowers growing in little pots in our spring windows.

And Mary loved God and was always very in tuned to the Holy Spirit. Mary saw angels and wrote poetry about her own angel.

Our Mary Elisabeth

And Mary was taught to cook and bake. And at Christmas when Mary was 8 years old, she made 40 dozen sugar cookies and sold them to make money to buy Christmas presents for her family. We used to make our own colored sugar out of white sugar and the liquid coloring from the store. And the colored sugar was like a colored mist upon Mary’s cookies.

Everything she made was spiritual and sort of mystical. One time I was praying for Jim in the living room and Mary said later the power of God hit her in the bathroom. She didn’t tell me at the time but told me later in front of some friends as I gave the testimony of Jim’s healing. Mary’s writings are so deep and penetrating. Just a few years ago, Mary wrote a writing about a soldier out on a battlefield. And how he fought for his Country and his Ring. It was about fighting in a bloody battle for a country and a marriage.

But all Mary ever wanted was a child, and the child died at 7 weeks. She tells me, “Mom, I have lost my child and my husband and my Dad all in one year.” Baby died at 7 weeks and 7 months later, Papa died. So now Mary doesn’t want Brandon. Since when doesn’t the barren land want rain?

Now Mary wants the world — and not God and not her family. And I told the Lord last night before I went to sleep, “I trust You, Jesus.” I told the Lord that I had prayed and now I had to trust Him. I also told the Lord, “Lord, I will lay Mary down and not look back if you want this out of me. If I am to forsake her in order to do Your will, I will. You are my God, Lord, and I won’t make a god out of Mary!” I feel at times I have no breath left to live on, as my heart suffers so deeply for Mary. I carry this sorrow in a brokenness of heart. It lays upon me as a baby in my arms. This sorrow shadows all that I do.

Mary has made me sorry that I ever had any children at all. And isn’t this just as the devil would like it to be. And wouldn’t the devil just love to kick me from pillar to post as I raised Mary as Mary in the Bible raised Jesus. But sorry, Satan, you don’t win. The world will spit Mary back out. She won’t fit in with the world for very long. The Word of God was planted in Mary’s heart even in my womb. I almost died having Mary. She was my 7th child. I had a miscarriage just before I had her.

When she was about 9, she went to stay the week at my aunt and uncle’s farm. After about three days, I began to be so burdened for her. And I told Jim that we needed to go get Mary. Jim trusted me in the Spirit. The drive was two hours long and I sobbed for the whole two hours in the car. I mean I hid it from Jim. But I just cried and cried. The whole thing looked like I was being crazy to be so protective. And Mary never told me until years later that this girl who was also staying the week was really tormenting Mary, as she was a few years older. But, of course, Mary never told me about it until years later as she thought I would never let her go anywhere again.

And ya know some of these children that we Mothers raise aren’t going to be like a lot of other children. God is teaching our children for who they will be in His kingdom. The reason so many Mothers give up is because of the teachings out there. If your child ain’t perfect at 18 after you have homeschooled them for all 12 grades, then BINGO, you failed. But our kids have a lot more to learn then what we could teach them. Yes, we need to be diligent Mothers to teach our boys and girls at our knee. We must cover our children with weeping and prayers. But we must pray until our children are safe and on their way to heaven. Not until they are 18 or out of homeschool. And sometimes we have to just lay them down as Abe did Issac. And we pray with all kinds of prayers. We may lay them down one day and pick them back up the next. It’s hard to lay a prodigal down and forget ‘em. But if the Lord calls me to do this, I will.

A Rose for Mary

And ya know even if I am sorrowful, I know I will win this battle. I ain’t dead yet. If Satan hasn’t killed me so far, it’s a safe bet he won’t get me. But, oh mercy! Walkin’ this thing out is — well, impossible? But all things are possible with God.

I mean I don’t doubt for a minute that Mary won’t come out of this smellin’ like a rose. But at night my bed is like a bed of nails. I feel like I am on a stretching rack like on the monster movies. I mean in the physical, it is a very comforting bed. I have a window beside my bed and I often pray and listen to the wind and the rain. I also have a window fan that I can turn on and I am always comfortable. But once I get to sleep, anything could happen. I screamed so loud the other night, I scared myself. I woke up hearing someone screaming and it was me.

My poor neighbors, who are just a young family who just moved in, must wonder about me. My window is about 15 feet from their house. They have like three little kids under the age of 5. They must think they live next door to the Munsters. To hear someone howl out the window in the middle of the night must be hair raising. The Dad, who is about all of 25, asked me if he could mow my lawn. John had come over to mow and the young dad said he was going to mow it, too, after the rain. The dad is probably afraid of me as he has heard me scream out the window in the night.

I do things in my sleep that I want to do during the day. Like scream BLOODY MURDER! And I look at he devil like he is a pig on a truck getting ready to go to the hog slaughter. But ya know that devil ain’t gonna scream “I give up.” A snake will hiss even if he is chopped in half. When Papa was first saved, we went to visit his sister Mary. He told her, “Connie would stare down a rattlesnake.” Here the woman had just met me. She says, “Well, she better not — a snake will kill her!” I just sat there as if I wouldn’t really stare down a rattlesnake. Never knew what Papa would say next. But these days I am staring down a rattlesnake and I know who is gonna win. I am a seasoned enough believer to know that I am winning this fight. Not because I have my eyes on the weakening snake but because I have my eyes upon Jesus the miracle worker.

Jesus died upon the Cross to give us victory over the laws of sin and death. And I have been in spiritual battles before and have won many and they were even worse then this one with Mary. So, yes, I feel the hurt and sorrow, but I know that VICTORY comes when you let Jesus lead you.

Jesus gives me daily manna. Sometimes He tells me to ignore the Giants in the Land. And the next day He may tell me to take my slingshot and kill one with it. I don’t say to Him, “Well, I thought You told me to ignore the Giant, not kill him?” But, see, Jesus wants to guide you each day with fresh manna. Don’t try to save yesterday’s manna if it doesn’t fit in with the day’s words from the Lord. Follow Christ with a thirst that can’t be quenched unless He speaks to you. Live on the Living word from His Spirit and from His Holy Word. Don’t hold yourself to what He told you a week ago. Hold yourself to Him and to His presence. Maybe it don’t make sense to you. But don’t try to make sense as He is Spirit and He will guide you in His way.

When we are praying for our children, we don’t know how to pray. They may change from one day to the next. And so we must follow Jesus and long to touch the hem of His garment daily. Some of us Mothers need His power moment by moment. Some of us Mothers are called and set apart to pray all day or all night as we care for the family. Some of us will be called to not go out of the house for months, but to stay in an attitude of prayer as we care for the children. Some Mothers live a life of fasting. They don’t just fast a day a week but have given up the desire for food. Their hearts run so after Christ that they have no desire for food.

Prayer and Fasting

See, the Bible tells us that the disciples couldn’t cast some demons out because they didn’t have enough power. And Jesus explained that some demons wont let loose except it be through much prayer and fasting.

Sometimes a mother can be so sorrowful that she can’t eat. And I think this is a natural fast. All she longs for is a Word from the Lord. And the world is no longer relevant to her. On the other hand, though, if a Mother can’t eat out of fear and is only in the world, then this is not a natural fast. I believe I am probably in a natural fast now. Like Toot said on the phone last night that when I went to Perkins and ate a full breakfast, it was just too much for me. And this is why I got sick. But if you are walking by faith and in prayer and you just don’t want to eat, then that is a natural fast.

I eat but not very much. It’s not to lose weight. But it is that you are just not interested in most of what is going on around you. Your heart is racing for Jesus. And Jesus has you in His own room. While His other children are out happily playing in His kingdom, you have stayed behind. You want to go play, too, but you are too broken and need His constant care and presence. And this is not a place to be ashamed of yourself for not being strong like your sisters. It is a place of protection and a place to lean upon Him and to be healed by Him and Him alone. Our brokenness is a hole in our hearts that, when it is filled up by Him, we become strong and more of Him than we are of ourselves.

In this religious age of quick fixed prayers, this teaching may sound strange. But life is a process. No one has all the answers to every problem. And some of us need a supernatural answer to our problems. The world doesn’t have a quick answer for us. And we must seek the Lord until we find Him. Not until we get sick of it or wear out our strength. But until we have nothing to bring to the table and if it were not for Him we would die. It is then that He becomes our strength and our anointing. Our flesh dies and His Spirit takes over in us. And He moves us onto Victory. Then we live in Victory for sometimes years.

He wants us to become strong and powerful to tell the story about how He saved us and set us free. And, of course, my Mary will come out of all of this and tell it … I don’t doubt that at all. What a story of Victory she will have! But while I climb through the rocks and ledges of my mountains, I am afraid as I think of falling. And yet as I hang onto the hem of His garment, I am safe. And you, too, are safe, dear Mothers, as you hang onto the hem of His garment. And often in the dangerous places of the mountains, He prepares a table before us in the presence of our enemies.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Well, yesterday I passed my written driving test. (Bowing to the floor in utter exhaustion.) Ta Da! Thank you. Thank you very much! Throwing kisses as roses fall about my head and shoulders. Well, what a riot! Then I had to wait about an hour and a half before I was to take the driving test. Well, I was fine and one minute before I was to take my test, I got very ill and had to go home.

Aunt Toot, on the phone last night, said, “You can’t ever do anything the normal way.” Well, in the hour I had to wait to take the test, my Mom wanted to go to Perkins for breakfast. And the food there made me sick. I wasn’t worried about the drivers test. That didn’t make me have an upset stomach. Heck, I have been driving for 38 years. Takin’ a drivers test wasn’t a problem. But why I got sick just a minute before the test is crazy. I went home and was sick for about 2 hrs then I was pretty much OK. Now that was either the devil or the Lord that stopped me. It wasn’t a normal experience.

My mom had been sitting in another area at the license place quietly reading. I go over to her and say, “Mom, I am very ill and we have to go home right now.” Well, I was getting ready to be very sick and I knew it. Mom is like, “Well, I thought you wanted to take your drivers test?” Poor dear, she is 84 and all she wanted before she dies is to see me get a drivers license. It was just hilarious.

And when I got home my friend Barb came to the door and I talked to her a minute through the door but was holding my stomach like a wounded dog. Then the Jehovah Witnesses came and I had to tell them I was sick as I held my stomach. Those poor Jehovah Witnesses. I feel sorry for ‘em and I want to, some time, spend some time with them and rebuke the devil from ‘em and put them out of their misery. But I never have time when they come to the door. Well, if a man comes I won’t try preaching to him. But do I look like I want a new god? I am not goin’ to trade the God of miracles so I can go to Kingdom Hall.

But, anyway, now the license place won’t be open on this next Saturday because of Labor Day weekend. So I have to wait longer to the next Saturday. I wonder what crazy event will happen the next time. I hate to think about it. They should put a big sign on the door of the license place the day I come. WARNING ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Oh, I am enjoying having Olivia Jean, 4 years old, to watch each day. (Not weekends.) Yesterday afternoon we went on a picnic. My neighbor friend Linda babysits also, so we all went together. We walked to a park uptown. It’s just a short walk of about six blocks. Then later on yesterday, Johnny brought Rose and Romeo to see me. We all had supper. Just goulash. John needed to pick up his lawn mower. Olivia enjoyed playing with the grand kids. I am so surprised that Olivia entertains herself in the mornings and I can write. I thought I would have to do all of my writings about 5:00 in the morning before Olivia got here. But I guess I can still write as usual.

What has been on my heart lately is abused women. Ya know when you talk about “submission” on a group like ours, everyone thinks you mean putting up with abuse and all kinds of malarkey. But we as submissive wives use Jesus Christ as our example. (1 Peter 2 and 3) Jesus didn’t go to the cross because He was too afraid to run the other way. Jesus had prayed in the Garden about going. He didn’t want to go. But He made a decision to go in His quiet night of prayer. Many times, as the people tried to kill Him, He disappeared in the crowd. He could have gotten out of dying at Calvary’s cross. He had a choice and decided to die for the sins of His people. Women of honor are like this. No one makes a woman of dignity do anything that she hasn’t already decided to do, made a decision to do.

Jesus carried his cross to Calvary. He didn’t go because He was afraid of the soldiers. And once He got on the cross, He could have called the angels to take Him down. He who had healed the multitudes could have healed Himself. The Roman soldiers mocked Him and lied about Him. But He was a soldier of dignity and honor and He didn’t answer them back. He didn’t need to answer His accusers — he knew the truth and stood for it. And folks will lie about us as Christian Mothers and accuse us of all kinds of things. What does it matter to daughters of Sarah? Let them accuse you and mock you. A woman of dignity stands strong and tall in the face of accusations. She doesn’t answer back. She lets God answer for her. And if He doesn’t at the time answer for her, then she is still not moved.

A woman of dignity is a woman who is never caught off guard. She pivots from the inner man, the meek and quiet spirit. But an abused woman is skittish. She flits from one thing to the other. She smiles in front of her husband and when he turns his back, she is unfaithful. She has never made a decision one way or the other to be faithful. She moves by her fears and is like a hungry dog sneaking food when no one is looking. She lies continually about where she was and why it took her so long to get back home. Her husband can’t get the truth out of her for anything. And a lot of women like this scream abuse because their husbands won’t let them go to work or buy new clothes every week. But these women have a personality of foolishness. They don’t understand the woman of honor any more then they can understand their place as Keepers at Home. Many of these women are stingy with their husbands and children. They want what they want and now. They will take a man down and use up all he has and has worked for.

Now I realize children get abused. And they can’t help it. They are children and they aren’t mature enough to protect themselves. But a mature Christian wife would never live in abuse. One way or the other, she will work her way out of it. Jesus had a wonderful childhood for all we know from the scriptures. He then started His ministry at age 30 and died on the cross at 33. But He lived in a private religious home most of His life. He wasn’t beat every day or abused as a child. But when the time came for Him to give up His life, He knew it. No one browbeat Him to go to the cross.

And I realize there are some women who really are abused and don’t know where to turn for help. But to me being abused is a choice. A woman of strength and dignity will never allow anyone to abuse her.

The Word, in 1 Peter 3, says while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. In other words, when a woman has a heart like Sarah, meek and quiet, a man becomes afraid of her. He beholds her pure actions and becomes fearful to cross her. And Dang! Don’t any of you give me any dirt on this stuff because I have earned my right to say it. But, see, some of you think that submission is “Yes Sir” and “No Sir” — it’s a lot more then that. We submit to our husbands to win him and the children to Jesus Christ. It’s a long hard process sometimes but that’s why a Christian wife submits to an unsaved husband. Or one who is saved but doesn’t obey the Word of God.

Our behavior as wives is to be holy and set apart unto God. We are to learn in silence and subjection. We are to be holy in our places as keepers at home. Our Home is our ministry. As we submit to our husbands, this is our submission to Christ. And the heavenlies line up with God’s authority and under Him is Christ and under Jesus is our husbands. As we pull in under our husbands, then our husbands are forced to pull in under Christ. It is that our hearts are submissive. We have hearts that are humble and obedient.

But we don’t always submit to our husband’s flesh. If he walks in the house and says, “I want a divorce” then, no, we don’t submit. But we have a meek and quiet heart of submission. We soften his heart by our faith in him. That he is the man of our prayers and you think the better of him. And you stay in an attitude of love and holiness. You don’t receive his decision to get a divorce. I mean God is on your side. If you are a covenant woman and a woman of honor, then you don’t want a divorce. But you must be quiet and submit to your husband. And if he wants you to file for a divorce, you do out of obedience. But you pray that God will intervene.

In the early days of my marriage, Jim came in the door one day after being gone for three months and said, “I want a divorce.” Well, I was way ahead of him and was prayed up. I didn’t want to laugh in his face so I ran to the bedroom to laugh. I was so glad to see him and had worried so much about his welfare. When I came out of the bedroom, he had Jimmy, 4 years old, sitting on the table and telling him that he was to always love his Mother but that Daddy didn’t love her anymore. I laughed like crazy over that. Finally, I looked into Wild Man’s eyes and I said, “Oh, Honey, everything will be alright.” Jim then admitted that he loved me but was just so tired of hurting me. I told him I was alright and that God was going to take care of us. I didn’t stand and preach at Jim as he would have hated that. I would just say then, “Honey, are you hungry?” And I would make him some food. My heart went out to him as he wasn’t saved, as I was. My husband didn’t know Jesus and my heart of compassion cared so for Jim.

Then I think that time he stayed home for about 2 months and ran away again. His mother died and no one could find Jim. He would hide out for months and no one could find him. Oh, such a troubled man he was. But, see, the Lord has a plan for these men. He wants them to become saved. And, see, a wife can obey God until hell freezes over and nothing will happen. But there comes a day as she is obeying God with her eyes fixed upon Him and not her circumstances. And the appointed day comes and God moves like a mighty wind upon her husband. But no man comes to Christ by the obedience of the wife only. But God moves as the wife prepares the way in the wilderness. She is a John the Baptist calling for her husband to look at the Savior. And one day, on the appointed day, Husband is miraculously saved and delivered.

And ya know, dear wives, as you act like Sarah and you study her in 1 Peter 2 and 3, you will become more like her. You must cultivate your soul and spirit so that you will become the virtuous woman. Virtue means power! The woman of power in this present world is the wife and mother at home. The woman who takes on the cloak of housewifery is the woman of honor and dignity. And the day will come as you follow and are taught of Sarah that you will see your husband come to Christ.

As you submit to your husband and honor him, you are moving the heavenlies about. You are loosing things in heaven and your husband will be loosed on earth. As you stand under the light of heaven through your obedience, you absolutely move the angels to move upon your mate. You sway the heavenlies with your holy obedience to God. When you willingly take up your cross and die daily to self and to this world, you move the Father’s heart. And you become a ruby ring upon His hand. And He moves His unseen hand and causes the circumstances to change. Your obedience will come up to His heavenly throne and the fragrance of your obedience will be a fragrance that He cannot live without. You become the Lord’s bride and He cannot live without you. You become so precious to Him as He sees your life being created for Him.

And the wife learns holy obedience as Christ did through what she has suffered. She comes through the cross as only God has designed. And she takes it all as Christ did at the cross. She is lied on and gossiped about. And yet she enters a marriage that God ordained and made with His own hands. And as before she suffered more than most wives, she now rejoices as no one else understands lest they went through the same sufferings. She has finally learned the wisdom of God. She wouldn’t go through that again for anything and yet she wouldn’t trade the experience for the wisdom she learned for all the gold and silver in the world. Because it wasn’t gold and silver that brought her through. But it was a holy obedience to God and to Him alone that delivered her and her loving and now saved husband.

And, yes, you can browbeat a man into walking the aisle at church and makin’ him say he is saved. But this is not the Bible way. And you will end up with a man who is only good at church and hell at home. What you must aim for is to show your husband by your holiness in the home that we must know God in a personal way. Because church won’t take you to heaven, only through the blood of Christ. Jesus must be your God, your only Lord. And as you suffer, dear Christian wife, turn only unto the Lord.

The angels are watching you. And whether you can know it or not, your unsaved husband is watching you, too. As you press on heaven with your obedience, the Lord will pull your husband into a holy place. And a sweet hour of prayer will come and you will see the Lord’s miracles and His glory. He promised and He will answer you and give you exceedingly and abundantly more then you can ask or think. He has Promised and He is not a man that he should lie.

1 Peter 3 Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word they will also without the word be won by the actions of the wife. The actions of holy obedience brings the heavenlies into place. And one day this obedience moves the heart of God. And husband hears the voice of God and surrenders his heart to Christ.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

This morning I was reading in my Bible about the spies who were faithful and the ones who were fearful. I laughed out loud when the Lord spoke to my heart. “Connie, you go right up to a GIANT and ask him if it is OK if you enter his land. And he looks about 5 feet down at you and says a big NOOO and you believe him.” Boy, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sins of unbelief this morning. Ya know the devil just wants to keep us mothers in a tither over our families.

I know once the Lord told me I would have three more children after I had the first three. I went straight to Jim who was no more saved then a rabbit and I said, “The Lord told me that we would have three more children.” Of course, Jim, not being saved, said in essence, “The hell we will.” Well, then I cried my head off because I said I was in submission to my husband and he said I could only have three children. Well, ya dumb cluck, Connie — your husband was the giant in the land, as he wasn’t saved. So, anyway, after Jim got saved, my faith was kinda weak. I didn’t even want to have three more children by then, as I was just happy to come out with my hat on. And Jim asked me to have another baby. Long story short, we had three more children. The Lord wanted to give me a double blessing. Jim was not with me for the birth of the first three children, so with the last three he was with me.

And ya know that land of milk and honey is flowing with blessings. But we must be wise to enter it. Some of you dear wives and mothers need to understand that your husbands may be the priest of the home but he may be like the devil himself. Well, that’s OK. No problem, the Lord will change him. You have to have faith and boldly enter your Promised Land.

Yes, you submit to your husband but you have to use your own head, too. There is a fine line there. But being a submissive wife doesn’t mean that you turn your spirit off and coast through life following your husband. If your husband is wrong on an issue, then pray against it. Don’t stand up and tell the giant that you think his idea stinks. And don’t run out on your husband. No, God has showed you the promised land that flows with milk and honey. But you won’t get to the Promised Land by standing around gabbing with unbelievers. And if your husband isn’t walking in faith, then don’t listen to him. I mean, no, don’t talk back to him. And when he talks his unbelief, just nod and smile. But no man has a right to your mind or your life with God.

Don’t argue with your husband. Can’t ya just see Esther going into her husband the King and tellin’ him how the heck it was gonna be? Sarah didn’t turn around and cut loose on Abraham when he sold her into a harem. But she prayed like a hound dog and the king couldn’t touch her. Thank God! And Abe was a man of faith but he made mistakes, huh? Well, I will say he did! And ya know this was a test for Sarah, too. She could have lived well for the rest of her life in a palace. She could say, “Well, I am being in submission as my husband gave me to the King.” But she had a heart for God and she prayed her way back to her husband who lived in a tent. But, see, Sarah was a woman of God, called and anointed of the Lord. She was not a lady preacher but she learned in silence and submission. She refused to take spiritual authority over a man. But she clung to God and He heard her cries and rescued her.

When you have an impossible husband, rejoice! Because you have a chance to take a spiritual journey to the Promised Land. Rejoice and lift up your head. Yes, there are giants in the land but don’t be afraid of them. Take on courage. Gird your loins with truth. Take His marriage covenant into the Promised Land. He will guard His own covenant. He will guard you as you hold His covenant to your heart.

I pray for nothing as much as I pray for courage. Come on, Mothers and Wives, let’s do it. The GIANTS aren’t that BIG!

And some of you wives make gods of your husbands. And good grief! Yes, you love your husband. I love Jim in heaven and wouldn’t even think of another man. But he made a lousy god. Some mornings, before he knew the Lord, he would wake up ready to tear the house down for no reason. I thought it was all my fault and that I must have tossed and turned all night and kept him up. And that I made him wake up like a black bear with rabies. It had to be my fault, right? Then I would cry and cry and try to lay more still at night. And God knows I never lay still at night. But Jim had his own set of demons and they had nothing to do with if I laid still at night or not. I think I do my deepest prayin’ at night and I was always hell to sleep with. May God forgive me! But good night, ladies, if you just stand there like a garbage truck, someone will throw garbage at ya.

Don’t receive guilt and condemnation for everything that goes wrong in your house. You are the Queen of the Home! You have a place of honor like Mz. Violet describes in her precious writings. I wish I was more like Mz Violet! But early on I was married to the Tasmanian Devil so that makes my walk a bit more — well, different? But, no, ladies, I rarely spoke up to Jim — I just prayed for him and let the tail go with the hide. I mean the Lord isn’t blind and He sees what is going on in the home. It’s up to the Holy Spirit to make a man good and it is up to us to make them happy.

And that time Jim invited a murderer home for lunch? Well, I could have had a fit over that. But ya know even a murderer needs a friend and needs to eat lunch. Jim told me he was coming but told me he was in prison for writing bad checks. Jim didn’t want to scare me to death. But as soon as I had gotten home from the store and walked in the door, the first thing this guy said to me was, “The governor gave me a pardon but I really did murder this guy in a hold up.” I went straight for the blood of Jesus. I said, “The blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin.” Later I said to Jim, “I thought this guy just wrote bad checks. Turns out he is a murderer.” Jim says, “Oh, he ain’t gonna murder anyone.” Well, this guy went back to prison inside of a year. Boy, was I glad! He was one scary guy. At first he just told me he murdered someone but in the end, he was getting really bold and telling anyone who would listen. Talk about giants in the land!

But our lives as Christian wives take us down many paths and we must be brave to walk with our husbands. We must walk quietly with them with an attitude of reverence. They are as Jesus in our lives. We must take the lower seat and bow to the door of meek and quietness.

We need to always pray for our husbands. They aren’t perfect and neither are we. I mean Jim never brought any kind of beer, etc. in the house. Even when he did drink, he never brought it home. But ya know if he had drank, I couldn’t have said anything about it. I wouldn’t have. Ya know? I mean it is his house. But I sure would have prayed against it.

And I mean, like Esther, the Lord does sometimes give you a window of opportunity to voice your opinion. But I tried to wait for Jim to ask me my opinion. As you get a good track record with your husband, he will eventually ask your opinion. He will even value it above all others. In the end, this is how it was with Jim and me. He would dig in my soul for wisdom. I was so used to not giving my opinion that Jim would have to almost beg it out of me. But we aren’t our husband’s Mama. And if ya want a big two-year-old when he gets old, then baby him all of your married life. Never let him have an opinion or make a decision. Some men will just go nuts and make a dumb decision, as they know Mama will run in there and fix it. But let them make a dumb decision, then let ‘em pay for it and they will knock it off. No one is perfect and it takes a while for husband and wife to learn our places.

Promised Land

So, dear Mothers, let’s not insult the Lord by not believing Him. Let’s have faith and walk into our Land that flows with milk and honey. The Promises of God are true. We can trust in Him. Let’s make Him proud of us, His daughters. Let’s be Sarah’s daughters as we are not afraid with any amazement. Let’s be beacons of light. Trail blazers who are not afraid of the Giants in the Land.

Yes, we are as small as grasshoppers but we have the Lord God who is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He will walk before us. He needs for us to trust and obey. He is looking all over the earth to find women who will have faith in Him. Without faith, we won’t enter His land of promise. Let’s come away from the fearful women around us and walk with women of faith. Sarah’s daughters who won’t be taken in by this world — no matter what.

Love,
Connie

Dear Kitchen Saints,

I have little four-year-old Olivia Jean this morning to take care of. But she is such a good little girl. I don’t know who is taking care of who. Her sister Isobel, 8 years old, is in school but she comes here after school for a few hours. She is a lovely child, too, and sings like a bird. She goes to a Catholic school and Olivia will go to preschool there in a few weeks. Their folks pay me well and are beautiful Christians.

Then next week, I will get the newborn baby Olivia Rose. I will have two Olivia’s. Rose will be about three and a half weeks old when I get her. She is a lovely baby girl. I got to see her once at about a week or so old. I mean, this baby girl is exceptionally beautiful. She looks like an angel. I can’t wait to hold her.

I just have a bit of time here while Olivia Jean is playing and wanted to write about some more meal ideas. Ya know back in the old days, probably about the 1930s, the Mothers made a lot of the layered dishes. They would take a 9 by 13 pan and butter it really good. Then they would layer some vegetables and meat. Like, for example, they would put some sliced raw potatoes on the bottom of the pan. Salt and pepper each layer. Then maybe the next layer would be home canned green beans, then a layer of carrots cut up in slices. Then the next layer onions and the next a pound of partially cooked hamburger or cubed chicken or ham, whatever meat you have. Then over the top of this whole casserole some of their home canned tomatoes. You could even put about a fourth cup of flour sprinkled over the meat and then, with the canned tomatoes poured over this, it would make a sort of thickener or gravy. Then put salt and pepper over the top. Then the Old-time Mothers would put about a half stick of butter chopped up on the top and then cracker crumbs. They had plenty of butter out on the farm and used it liberally.

My aunt and mother have no idea about cutting down on fat and have always used a stick of butter on everything. Their food is so delicious but, man, I would be hard pressed to use that much butter. But the Old-Time farm Mothers used lots of cream and butter and eggs in a lot of what they cooked. And in the old recipes I have read, it seems they threw home canned tomatoes on everything. Well, especially in the winter as they wanted to use up the canned tomatoes before summer of the next year. The farm Mothers also had root cellars where they stored their potatoes and carrots and other root veggies for the winter. So this layered dish was one they made a lot in during the cold days to use up their potatoes and other root vegetables.

Our family ate many meals like this, as we ate a lot of potatoes and veggies and not much meat. Well, we never used a lot of butter — who could afford it? Anyway, this would be a nice big meal for a large family. I made some kind of homemade bread each day. Either it was a yeast bread or cornbread or biscuits. But this meal and cornbread would be a good filling meal for a large family on a cold winter’s day.

Love,
Connie

One year I was writing about a Winter Pantry and I put down in the subject line “Winter Panties” — oh, how funny! Anyway, it’s harvest time and time to pack some things away for winter. I have to be gone this morning to help my Mom with some things. Tomorrow I will start babysitting. So wanted to go help Mom vacuum this morning.

Nan, you wrote in about “How do you make creamed tomatoes?” I have never had them before. We used to eat breaded tomatoes. Just stew the tomatoes and then add bread and sugar and salt. But if anyone has a recipe for creamed tomatoes, please send it in. Ally may have one.

If you are like me, you have a lot of tomatoes to deal with. Homemade tomato soup is good. I freeze a lot of tomatoes to put in winter soups and stews. I am looking forward to getting out my crock pot and making soup very soon here. The weather is cooling off a bit and the summer is coming to an end.

I got my bread and butter pickles made and the kids love those things. I set them out whenever they come over. John and his family came over to mow a few days ago and we had tuna sandwiches and coffee and iced tea. Such simple meals with potato chips, pickles, and sliced tomatoes fresh from the garden.

My apple trees are full of apples. Some I will store in the fridge for the winter months. The plums are about ready to turn pink. Oh, I love those plums. I will just wash them and freeze them.

Also it is time to gather up our flour and sugar for winter baking. It’s time to look in the cupboards and make lists of baking supplies. I will put all of my old spices in a separate place to use as a potpourri on the stove. Just put a pan of water on the stove and use some of your old spices to put a fragrance of home in the air. I use my old, very big 2 gallon coffee pot for this. I put the burner on low and this fragrant brew lasts most of the day. In the dead of the winter, when the house is so dry, this water on the stove makes my windows steam up.

Well, ladies I need to get goin’. Please send in your ideas on your winter pantries and how you plan to stock up for the winter.