Dear Mothers,

I just want to continue to write on prayer.

There seems to be so much confusion concerning prayer. Like when Mary and Brandon started having problems, I got advice from believers that said, “Well, Connie, you can’t worry about this — you have to lay it down. You have to give it all to Jesus and go on about your life.” And, ya know, in a way, this is right. But Like Aunt Toot and I were talking about it one evening. How Jesus went after the lost sheep. He didn’t just say, “Well, ya know, I gotta just forget the lamb in the darkness and go on about my business. After all, I have 99 sheep to take care of.” Well, I know you Moms are like me. You may want to forget about the lost sheep but it ain’t gonna happen. Your kid is your kid, right? You don’t forget them, not for a moment, if they are in trouble.

Now, if you could see my living room right now, you would see piles of Bible study books everywhere. When you go to fight the good fight of faith, it is going to take a lot of meditation in the Word of God. I kinda resented that for a while. I didn’t want to spend hours out of my day studying. I wanted to be well right away. I didn’t want to spend hours and hours writing my prayers on paper. I wanted to be well and stable.

But I am here to tell you, it took a lot of hangin’ out with Jesus to be set free. Now, yes, nerve pills help for a short time. But if you are really nervous and unstable, nothing will help but Jesus. Once you get set free with Him, then a natural herb will help the most. I think. Well, do what works for you. But after losing Jim and then I had a worse mess with Mary and Brandon, the whole mess was killing me. I would wake up in the morning with anxiety attacks comin’ at me like hammering bullets. And now to tell me that I should just lay my burdens down and forget it was like telling a woman who has just been dropped off a building that she shouldn’t worry so much. That really hurts when a Christian tells you that. They should know better. They should come to you and be understanding with you. Of course, your heart is broken — your child is suffering and you can’t make it stop.

But I am telling you something. We are in a spiritual warfare right now. Things that used to work for us don’t work now — the rules changed. The short cut through the Dungeon of Suffering is to go to the King’s Palace in a hurry. Throw yourself NOW upon the old rugged Cross and hang on for dear life. This is what I did. I wasn’t calling friends and doing this and that — I just clung to Jesus with all of my heart. Friends ask me, “Do you like to spend so much time alone?” Well, when you are hurting like I was and you knew there was no help any place but in Jesus, then, yes, you want to be alone. Aunt Toot helped me a lot and Jill, of course, too. But the major help has to come from Jesus. It just comes from the Lord. See, we live in a society where we have a lot of answers and most don’t include holding onto Jesus until the answer comes.

So the plan goes like this. Say you wake up on Monday and you are shot emotionally. You must run for your Bible and a comfortable chair to sit in and you meditate on the Word of God. You may want to watch a good Bible based show on TV or the radio. I have to admit I have found some I liked. And if you have little ones, you just grab the baby and take care of her and get her settled, or the older children. But you have to get things settled so you can just sit and pray. I did all of this with little ones, too. Mostly, I got up earlier then they did to have time to pray. And I learned, too, how to pray and sleep at night and wake up and pray and go back to sleep. Don’t feel bad if you fall asleep in your prayers. Pray without ceasing. Fall asleep in prayer and wake up to pray until you fall asleep. But your anchor has to be the Lord and His Word. If that means going to church for some of you, then, by all means, go.

Spiritual Battles

So, anyway, you prayed on Monday and got set free and you feel confident that God has heard your prayers. You wake up on Tuesday and you have a dark cloud over you and your nerves are shot. And you cry out to God, “Lord, why haven’t you changed this situation with my family?” Well, who says He didn’t on Monday? Nothing has changed since the day before. But Satan is there to wake you up to tell you that your prayers weren’t answered on Monday. So you wail at God that He doesn’t do anything to help you. So part of the battle isn’t all with the family — it is you that gets so out of focus with your praying that you cause the confusion yourself.

So I was doing this, too. So the Lord had me write the prayers down and journal on paper each day. And when I got up to pray each morning, the Lord had me read the spiritual journey of the day before and the days before that. So this way, I wasn’t back and forth in confusion. Because if you let the devil have your mind like that each morning, all you will do is keep starting over each day. But if you write it all down, then you can connect each prayer. You can build faith block on faith block. You can layer faith to faith and grow spiritually.

See, as prayer warriors, we don’t at first, as we pray, know the mind of Christ in a situation. And this takes time in prayer daily to understand His will. So, in other words, part of moving the mountain has to do with getting the prayer warrior praying in the right direction. You can’t make God do what you want if it isn’t His will. And learning His will isn’t always easy. And following Him isn’t, either. But as a seasoned believer who has been a Christian for almost 40 years, I am here to tell you. You have no place else to go. He is the way the truth and the life. If you are a serious Christian and really mean business with God, then make Him your anchor. If he is not Lord and King of your life, then He can’t move on your family.

I mean, you have to know how to cry out to God. Quit trying to change your family — work on changing yourself with God’s leading. And I have become so frustrated that I have closed the doors and windows in my house and screamed and cried to God. He was the only one who, I thought, could know me. I have screamed and cried for hours until I was screamed and cried out. And a silence would come and a stillness. And then I would open the doors again and be ready to receive company or write on the email. But our souls sometimes are so gutted with torment. Satan lies to us and sends his demons to torment us. And sometimes all you can do is scream it out to the Lord. You just have to cast yourself upon Him. The self pity isn’t there when you are with the Lord like that. You are only crying out your soul to Him. You aren’t putting on a show for anyone. It’s just a prayer to Him.

And He is the fresh manna. I mean, if you turn to friends or a book, this is often old manna. Jesus is alive and a real person. Just as you want to have fellowship with your husband every day, you should have fellowship with Jesus every day. I mean, the children of Israel had to eat fresh bread from heaven each day. If it wasn’t fresh, it would mold. And this is how it is with Jesus — it has to be a fresh Word daily to walk with Him out of the darkness.

So, first of all, to fight the good fight of faith, you have to know the mind of Christ in your situation. And also you have to be focused daily on what the Lord is doing daily. You can’t skip a day and forget the Lord. So each day you read the notes from the day before and build faith upon faith.

But, see, the confusion comes in when Christians tell you to do this and that and quit worryin’ over your problems. Well, see, this is why the children of Israel were in the desert for 40 years when it would have only taken then a few weeks to get to the Promised Land. They couldn’t hold onto their faith. It takes concentration.

Prayin’ Through

I will say that, through my prayers, Mary seems to be coming back to herself. I feel Brandon is, too. So, ya know, ya keep praying.

And then you think you have come to the Place in your spiritual journey where you can rest and wait for God to work. You feel you are home free. But then here comes the devil to lie to ya. Your first thought is, “Now, I am not taking that thing back up. I am laying it at the feet of Christ.” Well, Girlfriend, welcome to reality — that little demon hangin’ on your leg with his sharp teeth ain’t gonna let go until you use the sword of the Spirit on him and remind him of the blood. He is a lyin’ demon, trying to get you off your faith. Don’t let him torment the livin’ daylights out of ya. Rebuke him in the mighty name of Jesus. Pray until he lets go and you are back up and runnin’ again. What he is tryin’ to do is condemn you and tell you that you ain’t Christian enough to know how to lay your burdens down.

Well, ya know, I could stand here with the house on fire and say, “Well, I think I will just go to the store and let the Lord have my burdens.” Or maybe you are like a woman with her hand caught in a meat grinder and a Christian comes along and tells you, “Just trust in the Lord. His mercy endureth forever.” Well, that is not reality. The place of rest comes daily as we intercede in prayer for ourselves to have the faith we need to face the day and to pray for our loved ones. Then ultimately, in the end, when we pray through and our loved ones come back to Christ, of course, then the real rest comes.

I have nothing but JOY concerning Johnny who I prayed for until I saw His glory. And, of course, even in Jim’s death, I have peace with Jim. Once Wild Man was free, he gave me peace. And it will be a peace I will take to heaven.

I always said about Jim that it would take an eternity to have enough time to praise God for Jim’s deliverance. Jim was so demon possessed. He took pictures of Jesus and tore them up. He tried to kill me one day when I was praying. He escaped prison and I watched it on TV. He was always wanted by the police. And I used to have to take care of the children and make bread while cop cars circled the block. I had no peace for 12 years. Every year, I was left like two or three times. It was a nightmare. Of course, I didn’t know what I know now by faith.

But, ya know, a mother is not going to rest spiritually if their child is in trouble. The true and lasting rest won’t come until the child is safe and walking with the Lord. Oh, yeah, we can get all religious and say, “Well, I just gave my evil child to the Lord and all is well.” The Father with the prodigal son didn’t rest until the son came home. Yes, we have a daily rest as we pray for the family and go on. We are as Elijah whom the Lord fed with flesh from a raven and streams in the desert. We get a rest daily after prayer. But the real rest comes only as our child comes to Christ and we see His glory.

And we have to hear the Lord’s voice. And when Satan attacks us with doubt, this is the Lord calling us to His side. He calls us to come apart to pray and eat of His body and drink of His blood. He is our bread of life. And we have to apply Christ to our aching hearts.

See, Satan bites at our hearts but God is the covering for it. And the more we pray where he bites, the closer we come to the victory. The Lord allows the bites to show us where and how to pray. But to ignore your broken heart with words that say, “Well, I am giving it all to Jesus” is just a cop out and is not fighting the good fight of faith. We must stand up to fight and to take the whole armor of God. And having done all to stand we stand. We stand with swords of the Spirit drawn, which is the Word of God. Satan must bow to the Word of God spoken. Faith is a shield and won’t allow doubt to enter our hearts. We believe that we have what we ask for. We have on the breastplate of righteousness. (Ephesians 6)

Pray without Ceasing

Ya know, Jill was sayin’ the last time we got together to pray, “Connie, I pray more in tongues and you pray more with words.” And this is true. And I got to thinkin’ of that this morning. I pray more in words because I am a writer and have to be able to explain things. And Jill is more in the Spirit? I know she prays in the Spirit, for our group, in a way I could never pray. She is really more spiritual than I am. And I think it is because I have to reach the people I minister to with words. Jill seems to rearrange heaven when she prays. But the Bible in Ephesians 6 says to pray with all kinds of prayer. Dixie prayed in tongues, too. I do, too.

I have to know the truth and the truth sets me free. Some of you ladies get set free as you listen to praise and worship music. Aunt Toot says she gets set free by going to church. Aunt Toot thinks if I don’t go to church, eventually, that lightening is gonna come out of heaven and kill me. I mean she is serious! But it takes all of us to make up the body of Christ.

But, dear hearts, continue to pray and seek the Lord and bring your families to Christ. Fight the good fight of faith. Pray without ceasing. Pray until the raven brings you flesh to eat. And until you drink of the streams in the desert. And soon God will show you a storm cloud as he did Elijah. And it won’t be long until the cloud will burst with rain. Oh, the mercy drops will start and then you will pray for the showers of rain. The blessings will come, dear Mothers who are prayer warriors. The rains will come upon your dry and thirsty hearts and homes. God is going to restore us and give us double blessings. I prayed for Jim for 12 years and God gave me 26 years of blessings with Jim before he passed. God is faithful and won’t forget us. And the rains will come and they will be plenty to bless us and to bless our friends and neighbors.

The Lord will raise up a standard for us as Satan has come in like a flood upon us. But our God will rescue us from the den of lions and from the furnace. And we will come up and out of the furnace without even the smell of smoke upon us. Psalms says I had fainted had I not believed to see the goodness of God here in the land of the living. We are His daughters of light and we will see His glory. No weapon formed against us will prosper. And the Lord will contend with those who contend with us and our children.

Satan will not have our children. Our children can deny a lot of things but they can’t deny that they were born of strong Godly Mothers who are called as prayer warriors for His kingdom. Jesus calls us to pray for His Kingdom on earth to be like His kingdom of heaven. We must call down His glory into our homes and make heavenly homes on earth.

Anything we ask in Jesus’ name we will receive. Nothing is impossible with God. We need not fear what people can do to us. We must just look upon His face and find His glory. We must walk out our faith as Phillipa has vowed to do in her marriage. No weapon formed against us will prosper. Fear not, little flock, for don’t you know it is the Father’s good pleasure to give you His kingdom.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

I feel, after reading about Sara’s husband dying, that I am writing to a war zone. We are all in a spiritual war, for sure. If any of you wondered how I made it when Jim left me over 30 times in the beginning of our marriage? Well, I battled it spiritually as I am battling now for our Mary and her husband Brandon. Girlfriend, you are lookin’ at it. I feel like I walk over dead bodies just to get to this keyboard.

Sara on our group has four children under the age of 11 and her husband had an accident at work and died instantly. I weep with her and also Jen who lost Richard a few months ago to sickness. Not to mention the heroic ladies on my group that are fighting tooth and nail for their marriages. I laugh at the groups I hear about that don’t allow problems discussed on their group. Well, hello? We are in a spiritual battle for all of our lives. Our country is at war and many battles rage also in the spirit realm.

Fear is the enemy spirit that is trying to rule us. Satan is trying to set up his kingdom to be worshiped. He got kicked out of heaven for this. He wants to be like the Most High God. He is a deceiver and wants to be God. His time is short and he knows it. The believers don’t fight against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities and wickedness in high places. This is talking about three levels of demonic powers. The wickedness in high places is governments run by Satan. And, of course, the government affects all of us. But the point is that our problems don’t originate with the flesh — it originates from the demons of hell.

Satan gets us all fearful and we become like the bull who chases the red cape. The red cape isn’t the problem — it is the bull fighter that the bull really wants. And we think our kids are the problem or our husbands. But they ain’t? The devil is just keeping us running after the red cape. The Bible says we don’t wrestle with flesh and blood but powers and principalities and wickedness. And as we get our focus off from our faith, then we try to get our kids or husband to make us feel better. But Satan is biting them in the butt, too. So we get a dog fight goin’ on. Mother is blaming the child and the child blames Mother. And Satan will keep that merry-go-round goin’ on until hell freezes over.

We as Christian Mothers must see that Satan wants us to chase our tails like crazy dogs on a mission. He wants for us to battle wills. What is really goin’ on is this. The Mother has prayed for the child and the child is trying to (they think) live their own life. They think they are innocent of any wrong doing, as it all seems innocent enough. But what they are doing is opening up a flood gate of problems for the mother who is praying.

See, Mother is standing on the Word. “All of my children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace.” Mother has been a faithful Mother and sacrificed her own life to be an example to her children. But in an instant, as the child goes astray, Mother falls and cries and gives up. She thinks she has failed. All of the promises she claimed for her children, she thinks, didn’t work. So Satan gets her to take back the promises she stood on. The enemy gets her to give up on her prayers. He gets her to believe that God’s Word didn’t work for her and her family. So Mother turns her sword of the Spirit upon herself. She begins to use her own authority against herself. She begins to give up on her prayers for her prodigal. And she negates or cancels out the promises she claimed for her son or daughter when they were babies. Then half baked so called Christians come along and tell ya, “Well, you sheltered them too much. You should have sent them to Public School like we told ya to do.” And Mother stands in the shadows broken in heart. She feels totally forsaken and lost. But, Mothers, you have just been spiritually whipped for righteousness.

See, we don’t need a Roman soldier to come along and beat us and throw us in prison for preaching the Gospel. We have our lovely children to do it. God knows any Mother worth her salt would rather be beaten and thrown in prison than have her child go against the Lord. My worst nightmare is to think that all of my children wouldn’t all go to heaven.

When Jim and I first began to home school, it was against the law. Daily, Jim would say, “I will go to jail, not you. I will go.” Well, the Lord kept us and we didn’t have to go.

When our John was such a prodigal, Jim would spank John, even as he got older and was a teenager. Jim would say, “Drop your drawers and grab your ankles.” Jim would whack John with a belt. But then John began to threaten that it was against the law for him to get a spankin’ so Jim quit spankin’ him for a while. But Jim, one day, told the family, “I don’t care if I do go to jail. John is gonna get a spankin’ when he needs it.” So John was back to droppin’ his drawers and grabbin’ his ankles. The younger boys never needed even half the spankin’s John got, as they were too afraid. THANK GOD! And the girls, I don’t think, ever had a spankin’. At home they were angels. We never had any trouble with them until they moved out and got married.

But we fight a spiritual war for our children. God’s word does not return void. The precious promises that we claimed for our children are still valid. I mean unless we Mothers turn the sword of our authority around to ourselves and kill our own selves with the sword. If we let the devil bite at us and nag us that God’s Word won’t work for us. Or the promises we claimed for our children didn’t matter? Then, yes, our children will fall, as Satan will get us to stop the promises of God from working. As we give up and quit, then it is as if we erase some of our past. We erase the promises and covenants made between us and God as we cried upon our beds in prayer.

When Baby was little and we loved God, we thought our hearts would burst with love for our dear children. We got our Bible and prayed diligently for our children. We protected and loved them and told the Lord that we would raise our children for His glory. And the children are sweet and loving as they grow up. But then as teens they are caught stealing and have to go to jail — or some such nonsense. But it is all a set up of the devil to come against the one over there claimin’ the Promises of God. It was a foolish prank of the child, as all the other kids were doin’ it. But Mother who has sacrificed her life for the child doesn’t see it all like that. It is as a sword in her chest. Her heart is broken and this gash is only the beginning of the years of suffering. And I think this flogging comes especially to Mothers who are the most dedicated to the Lord. And we are not to think this is a STRANGE thing. Paul in the Bible went through many trials to preach the gospel. And, Mothers, ya know what? We are in a war? We prayer warriors are raising up sons and daughters and grandchildren for His glory. And Satan is fighting us. Well, so what? Greater is he in us than he who is in the world.

Ya know, when Jim and I first married, it was hell. But I knew Satan was after my home foundation. Satan wanted to destroy my marriage so that I wouldn’t have anymore children for Jesus. But because I fought the good fight of faith, I was able to give birth to 6 children. Four boys that God will use for His glory. Our John, the one who drove me the nuttiest, is the one who now gives me the greatest peace. All of my sons are faithful to me but John is the sweetest, I think. And that dang kid at 16 ran away and I only saw him maybe once a year for the next 7 years. He did this right when I started homeschool. But Satan wanted to stop me from homeschooling. And I carried that burden of John for 7 years. John was sent of Satan to persecute me and stop my homeschooling.

But, no, John didn’t intentionally want to stop my homeschooling. He didn’t even consider that. But Satan did. Satan tried to stop me with grief in my soul. Satan taunted me with all kinds of accusations and condemnation. And once I would settle down, John would call collect to tell me that Mexicans were shooting at him tryin’ to kill him. There was never a dull moment as I tried to homeschool my 3 youngest children. But finally I could see that John was being used of the devil to almost destroy me and the whole family. So I made the decision to lay that burden down and not let John do that to me.

John was my baby of the first 3 children. Oh, my mother’s heart was so tender towards him. I held him so close when it seemed my marriage would not be healed. Well, then Jim was healed and I went on to start another family and second group of 3 children. But John was my beloved. Johnny is very artistic and spiritual. And Satan knew who to use to break me down. And it was very hard to stand strong and not give up. But I had 3 little ones to care for and, of course, we had to walk pretty straight as the authorities were watching us because of homeschool. This was in the 1980s, and Iowa was really hard on homeschoolers. If they could catch ya for something, they would.

And now the devil tries to use Papa’s and my baby girl Mary to stop her Mama. It’s hard, as she is hurting, too . Chloe Faye who died at 7 weeks old has a birthday coming up on July 20th. She would have been a year old. It breaks my heart that Mary and Brandon are separated and Mary won’t barely talk to me.

I can’t watch Mary and pray. It would break my heart. I have to look at Jesus as I fight the good fight of faith. I cry out to God “Isn’t my heart broken enough as I lost Jim? And now Mary?” The Baby of our older age. The little girl that used to be Papa’s and my greatest Joy. She could talk Papa out of anything. And yet Satan don’t care. He is the enemy. He ain’t gonna let loose of Mary just because he feels sorry for me.

And God can’t work unless I claim His Word. Last night, as I went to bed, the Lord spoke to me. “Don’t ever let a piece of flesh dictate God’s word to you.” I mean, I could look at Mary and think, “God must hate me.” But Mary, as sweet as she used to be, is now being used of the devil to try to take me down. I as her Mama have to see this. Not that Mary is trying to be used of the devil. No. But the devil will use the child in your life that was the sweetest to take you down. They have our hearts and what they do effects us. And our mother’s heart wants to look away from God and His promises and be Mother only and not prayer warrior.

Rescuing Mary in the spirit, for me, is like trying to rescue a drowning victim that is fighting you and pulling you under in the water. I have to watch Jesus from the shore and not take my eyes off of Him. Because Mary’s strength is trying to pull me under. And God calls me from the shore. “Don’t use your own faith — use the faith of God.”

See, our faith can take us a few days. But we have to unleash God’s faith. We have to pray for our kids until we build a stronghold of faith to break down the stronghold of Satan. We as believers are called to raise up a standard. When Satan comes in as a flood, the Lord will raise up a standard against him. That standard is our prayers of faith. We know we are finished praying that standard when the peace comes and we enter a rest in the spirit.

I pray daily until I come into the rest for the day. But then the next day, when Satan comes, I have to pray again until the peace comes. Each day, I am pulling down strongholds. The ultimate rest will come but hasn’t come yet. But each day, we have to pray until the loved one is free from Satan’s hold.

When do we give up? We give up when we see the victory and not until then. We keep knocking and seeking and praying until we see His glory.

Grief and Fear

And I have to say because of the widows on this group. I have not grieved much concerning my husband. My grief has been because of Mary. God showed me in the beginning, right after Jim died, that Jim was alive in heaven. Jim and I were very close and I have sensed his spirit right with me.

I don’t see things in the spirit with fleshly eyes. I have never seen an angel or any spirit beings with my physical eyes. I know Jill used to see demons march through her room every night. Some sat on her bed. She got so used to them that she wasn’t even afraid of them. I don’t wanna see anything with my physical eyes. NO Thanks! In fact, every night, I tell the Lord I am so thankful that I can’t see things. I can see, though, with my spiritual eyes. Yesterday I could sense Jim about me like a butterfly dancing around my face and hair. I could feel him like a whisper upon my ears. We can’t see the wind as it blows the leaves but we know it is there as the leaves fall.

I told the Lord, right after Jim passed, “Lord, I know every husband wouldn’t come back from the dead but I know Jim would.” Ya know, when Jim was at work and maybe was late getting home, he would feel my anxiety and call me on the phone. He always knew when I needed him. Papa knew, and I guess God knows that no one can comfort me like Papa. I guess I am not that spiritual yet to say that God is my all and all.

One time, I saw a vision in my heart. Papa was telling God all about me in heaven. And Jim told God that he was proud of me and he wanted God to meet me. Jim had me wear this beautiful blue gown and he put a gold crown on my head. And Papa ran and got me and escorted me to the front of the temple. And Papa lovingly handed me to Jesus. And Papa said, “Connie, this is your new Husband.” And, well, I am workin’ on that? Jesus is a husband to the widow.

Ya know, when we get to heaven, we will see all of our loved ones. We will talk to them and be with them forever. We as believers are in the kingdom even now. We are starting everlasting life now. His will is to be done on earth as it is in heaven. Seems to me, heaven is pretty close. What we loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

I feel Papa’s love all around me. Our marriage was so bad in the beginning years. But then, for the past 26 years, Papa made it all up to me. In the early years, he left me for months as a time. I would often sit and wait for him, holding his shirt or something of his. Now, those were such days of grief and heart brokenness. We were truly separated then. My chest would hurt so much, I could barely breathe. I would just gasp for air as my body ached so much with grief. But I am here to honestly tell you that I am not experiencing that as a widow. Jim and I were so close in the spirit and if we fought, we were truly sorry. Jim loved me and I knew that. I am at peace with Jim.

Oh yes, I had some guilt over not spending more time with him at the hospital. Well, I spoke that out to him or you can write it out in a letter to your husband. He can hear you, just as he will hear you when you go to heaven.

Dan says he has dreams of Papa. He says, “Mom, we will be at a family gathering and Dad just comes in. And I say to myself ‘That can’t be Dad — he died.’” But Danny says he just goes ahead and hangs out with Papa, anyway, as he misses him. Well it probably was Jim for real in the dream, just wanting to hang out with Danny. I can still hear Danny crying over Jim at the Hospital calling, “Papa. Papa.” The tears pouring from his eyes. I am not surprised that my Daniel has dreams and visions of his Papa.

But we are Christian widows — we are not without hope. We are not as the unbelieving widows whose hearts have no hope of heaven. I mourn for Mary, especially, as she was Papa’s baby. But I don’t mourn or miss Jim as he has never left me. Papa wouldn’t do that.

See, I battled fear so terribly after Jim got healed in 1979. But, see, as a young wife, I was left and abandoned by Jim many times. So once he got saved, he turned around to a wife who was a bundle of nerves and fears. Almost every day, I would have fear attacks. It’s a wonder those attacks didn’t kill me. I was so afraid of being abandoned again. So once Jim was healed, he began to take care of me. He was the only one who could. He would go off to work and I would, at times, be horrified. Jim would call me, “Honey, come down to the restaurant and sit with me on break if ya wanna.” He would tell me, “Honey, call me at work whenever you want.”

Once he got saved, he was so tender and loving with me. It broke his heart if he thought I was worried or upset. And I tried so hard to walk by faith and not ask questions all the time. But Jim knew my heart. He knew I was giving it my best shot. But when you have been through so much trauma, you can’t just get well on your own. Jim was like a nurse to me. And I kept prayin’ and rebuking the fear on me. And I built up a stronghold of faith.

Satan had come in on me like a flood but God raised up a standard. This standard of faith is working even now and I have no fear about Jim’s passing. I think the first day I did. Then I have been at peace about it ever since. I trusted Jim and I trust him even in his life in heaven. Evidently, when God builds a stronghold of faith on earth, it stays here.

I know what I am expressing here is unusual, but it’s the truth. I just tell it to give comfort to Jen and Sara. I know you girls have children now to raise alone. But as the children see you walk in peace, they will, too. Just pray for the children until you are at peace each day. The Holy Spirit is their comforter, too. Thank the Lord, Jen and Sara, that your husbands were godly fathers and husbands.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

This writing has been on my heart for two days. I didn’t want to write it, feeling that the ladies who are on a second marriage would think I didn’t believe in their marriage. I talked it all over with Aunt Toot. She knows I would fight for her on her second marriage as much as I did when she was married to Sitting Bull. I just feel we need to stay where we are. Like Aunt Toot says, “You can’t unscramble eggs.” All of my friends are on second marriages except for my friend Rose and me. But, anyway, I think this writing is more for Jen and me to give us direction.

The Lord has been having me study the book of Ruth in the Bible. The Lord shows me throughout scripture that, as a woman stays in her covenant of marriage, He is able to bless her. Naomie was Ruth’s mother-in-law. Naomie lived in Moab with her two daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah. All three of these women had become widows and Naomie wanted to go back to her hometown of Bethlehem-Judah. So the daughters-in-law were from Moab and Naomie told them to go back to their own families, too. Orpah kissed Naomie but Ruth CLAVE to her. Ruth wanted to go with Naomie. Ruth was young and was free to remarry as the law said she was free. But Ruth was the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 that said she would honor her husband all of her life, not his life. Ruth sensed that Naomie’s God was the true God and not the false god of Moab. And as Ruth served Naomie as the true wife of her husband, then Ruth’s life was taken care of. She was faithful to her marriage covenant. And God saw her and He knew that Ruth needed a husband. And the Lord was with Naomie and she could see that Ruth needed to remarry. And so she gave Ruth to Boaz. And in this, Ruth became the mother of Obed who was the father of Jesse who was the father of David. Ruth took her part in the lineage of Christ. There was a blessing in Ruth’s faithfulness to her first husband. And her faithfulness led her to the place of rest after losing her husband.

The Lord sets the solitary in families. Psalms 113:9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house and to be a joyful mother of children. Satan had taken all of these three widows’ husbands from them and they never would have had any more children. Or had any chance to be keepers at home again. But through Ruth’s obedience to stay with Naomie, even though she had the right to leave, she brought prosperity and joy to herself and Naomie. Naomie became the nurse for Obed. And Naomie’s friends said, “Blessed be the Lord who has not left you this day without any kin.” And they said about Obed, the new baby grandson, “He shall be unto thee a restorer of your life, and a nourisher of your old age. For Ruth who was better to you than seven sons has bore him.” And Ruth saved the day with her faithfulness to her marriage covenant. She could have left but instead she stayed in her covenant marriage and served her husband’s mother. And then she and Boaz continued to care for Naomie all of her life. So even though Ruth remarried, she was still honoring her covenant with her first hiusband as she was blessing her mother-in-law.

Ruth was a blessing to all around her and she blessed the lineage of Christ. She was a covenant keeper. On the day of her marriage, she promised to be faithful unto her death.

The whole Bible is a book of covenants. Our true God is a God of covenants. He decides and acts through His promises to His people. That if we promise to do “this and that” He will reward us. And God gave us a way out to get divorced because of the hardness of the heart. But do we want to stand before God and say, “I divorced because my heart was so hard as I had no other choice.” We are not to have hardened hearts but hearts of flesh. Hearts of love and forgiveness, hearts easily entreated. Hearts that can be reasoned with. Our Christian society is so seemingly unconscious to the marriage covenant of God.

The Marriage Covenant

Esther stayed under the authority of her husband the king and her Uncle and saved the Jewish Nation. She became the queen of Persia.

When Sarah was sold by her own husband to the king, she could have used this as a way out of her life on the road sleeping in a tent. But Sarah was a covenant keeper and she prayed and chose to be with Abe and his tent rather than to stay with a king in a palace. She didn’t quit because her husband lied on her. And had she quit, she never could have had her baby, Issac, in her old age.

Most all of the women God used in His Word were barren and had to pray to become pregnant. God called them to have children but they couldn’t in the flesh. They had to pray and not give up. Satan wanted them to give up and run out on the marriage promise. And had they done that, they would have lost their chance for a supernatural birth. And, for some, to be in the lineage of Christ. Hannah had every reason to give up and not pray for a baby and to run away from her husband. But she didn’t run. She stayed and waited on God. And God gave her the desires of her heart. He gave her Samuel whom she gave back to God and God blessed her with five more children.

God blesses the wife and mother who will honor her marriage covenant. The church will tell ya that as long as you give money, you will be blessed. But God looks on the heart and He moves by His covenants. He will bless the faithful wife and mother that won’t run out when things get tough at home. And you dear ladies on your second or third marriages. Please be faithful now and do right concering your second or more marriage. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Declare openly that you will be faithful to your second or third marriage covenant.

What bothers me is women on a second marriage trying to get everyone else to divorce. They make a god of the second marriage and try to get all the women who are faithfully suffering through a hard marriage to be like them and divorce and remarry. This is plain ignorance of the Holy Scriptures and knowlege of the marriage promise. Throughout the Word, without exception, those Christian women who stood on the marriage covenant through hard times were abundantly blessed in the end. Barren mothers in the Bible who didn’t give up on marriage or children were Sarah and Rebecah. Rachael, Samson’s Mother, Hannah. Also the women that Elijah helped and Elisabeth, to name a few. These Mothers were faithful to the end. And they raised their children under the marriage covenant of peace.

Mark the righteous wife and mother for her end is peace and prosperity. And all of her children will be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace. And if we are faithful to the Lord and His commandments, then blessings will come upon us. We will be blessed in the city and in the country. We will have many children and plenty to feed them. Our ground will be blessed and our wombs. We will be happy as we trust in the Lord.

Jen, I am praying for you as a young widow. You are doing well and just stay faithful to God. And He will bring you rest, either through another husband or through something else. But He will give you rest. He is the God of peace and rest. Just continue to be faithful as you care for your children. You are honoring Richard as you are so diligent to care for his and your children. You are doing well, Jen, and the great cloud of witnesses are clapping for you. They are shouting, “Richard is with us and he is proud of you.” Your path to victory, Jen, is to just keep going as you have been in a faithfulness to Richard’s children. You are honoring your marriage covenant and a blessing of hope and peace and prosperity is coming. All of your children will be taught of the Lord and great will be their peace. Rest comes, Jen. Weeping may last for the night but JOY comes in the morning.

Love,
Connie

ma