This morning when I first woke up, I kept thinking of this favorite fern I have. It needs to be repotted as the dirt is so old and hard. The roots of it look so dried up but the ends are lush and green. The Lord spoke to me, “Connie, your flowers in life look a lot like a lot of women

Dear Mothers,

Thank you for your prayers last night. I feel a lot better.

Right after I asked for prayer and went to bed, I got to thinkin

Dear Mothers,

I was praying this morning and saw Ruby in the lions den. I see her as she is lined up with the other saints and she trembles and cries with fear as the King of Darkness and Wickedness throws her and the other saints in the hungry lions’ cage. Ruby cries out in fear and anguish of soul. She prays that her life will be spared and yet she hears the martyrs’ bones crack as she listens to the lions eat them. She falls asleep in a corner as the lions sleep after they are full. Then she is awakened by another saint’s cry as another disciple of Christ is devoured. She is awakened to the smell of the blood splattered about her. The lions stalk her and intimidate her. They walk about seeking who they can devour. And Ruby thinks each day she will be next and yet her life is spared. She thinks surely this will be her last moment on earth and yet she wakes up the next day. And Ruby feels the Lord about her and she says, “Surely God’s hand is upon me as the lions have not devoured me.”

God showed her that the saints about her were called to die but Ruby’s time on earth was not up yet. That she was young yet and had more to do. And Ruby looked to the side of the cage and there were about three small steps and she walked up them and was quietly out of the lions den. The steps were there all along but Ruby never saw them. But God opened her eyes and she saw them and she walked out of the den of lions. And I said to the Lord, “Lord, why did you spare Ruby’s life?” And God said because she is like Dorcus and the saints cried out to me to save her life. They cried out, “Don’t take Ruby — she is comforter to the comfortless.” And God said that His heart broke to hold Ruby in His arms and to use her to comfort the comfortless.

The cries of the broken and contrite hearts called out to the Father. They showed Him Ruby’s handiwork of mended hearts. And they cried out to the Father, “Keep her, Lord, as the apple of your eye.” And God raised Ruby up and she became strong and as a weapon in the hand of the Father. And Ruby’s life was spared as God needed her. And God took the things out of Ruby’s path that kept her in fear. And God gave Ruby a valiant spirit of courage. Yet Ruby’s heart was scarred and maimed. And the Father told her to speak out of the weakness of the scars. And Ruby became confident in the Father’s love and she went on in the anointing of the Father’s delivering power. And God wore Ruby upon His hand as a Ruby ring. And He shared His life with her.

God took her out of the lions den like he had Daniel. He took her out of the prison like He did Joseph. He gave her victory in order to use her for His glory. He set her free for a purpose. Though 10,000 fell around her she did not fall.

So, dear Mothers, this writing can apply to different things. Just apply it to your own lives as we, as seekers of wisdom, are Rubies.

Ruby’s Golden Bridge

And Ruby, as she walked out of the lions den, saw a Golden Bridge. And the bridge was spiritual and was built over screaming demons. Wickedness cried out from under the bridge. The demons cried out the laws of the earth. The laws of sin and death without Christ’s victory upon the cross. They spoke of what we can see and hear and begged Ruby to fear and to look with physical eyes at all of the obstacles set before her. “Don’t run the race, Ruby, as you are sure to fail.” And there were demons who were especially called of Satan to accuse God’s chosen people day and night. And the wicked cried out from the depth of the waters. “There is no devil — this is all your imaginations.” But Ruby didn’t watch or listen to the demons and God spoke.

“Ruby, this is a spiritual bridge — don’t walk on it without prayer. You can make it half way as you pray but the bridge will break in half if you don’t fulfill your calling to minister to the saints. You are not strong enough to make it, Ruby. You have to write the words to walk on the bridge.” I could see it was a bridge of words from Jesus that made the Spiritual Golden Bridge. And the bridge of words brought Ruby over the bridge as she obeyed the Lord and she wrote His words to a lost and dying generation. And Ruby didn’t give up as she could see that, as she gave, she became the Lord’s Bridge extended. And that, as she gave, she was building her own golden bridge over her own obstacles in life. And Ruby took to her heart new courage and she ran with confidence the race set before her. She quit shrinking back in fear and she ran with new visions in her heart. And God’s anointing broke her yoke of fear. And Ruby ran over the bridge and over new and bigger bridges. But Ruby was not out of breath and her hair glistened with anointing.

She became zealous of good works and God saw her. And He asked her to be His wife and Ruby said she would. And Ruby ran her race with new strength as Jesus was Ruby’s strength. And Ruby found the secret of the golden bridge over demon voices. It was to pray for enough power to feed a million when you only have yourself to think of.

And I think this is what the Lord is saying in this parable. This story is written to speak to the older Titus 2 mothers who are struggling in their own families. And it is to the young women to pray for the older Titus 2 mother. It’s only by the grace of God that I stand here and write. If God don’t make my bridge, then I have none to walk on. At times, I am only a heartbeat from being eaten with fear. I don’t get encouraged from the world but only from the life of God in me. I am a Titus 2 mother teaching a message that the devil fights every day. It is my death and my life.

Jill stopped by yesterday to adjust my iron lung. Thank God for her life and testimony. She saves my hide and a lot of other people’s. So I know she will live a long time, as I keep her plenty busy prayin’. One thing she said yesterday that I loved and have hung onto. She said, “Connie, some of the things you write and know, flesh and blood hasn’t told you.” My writing is out there, for sure. But it is the stuff I have lived on for years.

For me, it is like binding a leather strap to myself and up to a horse drawn plow. Daily I plow a whole field of the Word of God. Often I hit my shoulder in front of Satan and I tell him I am strong and can plow another field. That he ain’t taken me down. Well, on my good days, huh?

Love,
Connie

Last evening, John and David came over with the grandbabies. They did some work on the lawn mower and we visited and ate supper. I always look those sons of mine over good and I look for something of Daddy in them. Oh, it is so clear.

I have John, who is older then David, sit in Jim’s chair. John says the blessing. Romeo sits beside him. “Romeo, sit up and fold your hands to say the blessing. Don’t eat yet,” John tells his son. And David gets after Baby Rose to fold her hands. They are men and they make sure the kids do what they are supposed to do. The wives work part time in the evening but I know that won’t be the case as times goes on.

The boys so honor Jim. I had told John that I had been so nervous lately. He said, “Mom, you don’t have anything to worry about.” John always says, “We are here for you.” There is a certain courage that Jim always mixed into his Christian walk. I think he got it from his Dad and somehow mixed it in as a Christian husband and dad. It was a walk that always said, “Don’t mess with my family.” Ya know, Mary has told Brandon, “My family reminds me of the Mafia.” She meant that as a compliment. No, not when Jim was unsaved and committing crimes but when he got set free and came home to be a Christian man.

Ya know, when Jim was out running as a gangster, he wasn’t right and did nothing but tear the family down. But when he got saved, he took a look at me for the first time and he says, “I am your husband and no one will ever take you away from me.” Before that, Jim had done all that you all talk about with your unsaved husbands. But when Jim got right with God, he became truly the tough guy. If his relatives came against me, then he quit comin’ around them. He would always say good things to them about me. I became his queen and his Baby Girl.

David said that him and John sat outside the other night and looked at the apartments that David is manager over. David says, “It’s unreal the crazy people here.” And he said that both he and John said, “Ya know, there are almost no men around here to run things — mostly women and kids.” David and John stopped a fight that night between a husband there and a street guy who came in the area to sleep in this guy’s car. This husband was a big guy and the other guy was small but had a can of pepper spray. The whole thing was a mess!

The apartments are nice and kept up. David does repairs and Tiff does the paperwork. Last night, as the neighbors gathered about outside as they always do, David announces that Tiff is having a baby boy. Oh, David is proud of that. They plan to call their son David James after Jim and David. And Tiff wants to put Isaiah in there, too, which I love. So maybe David Isaiah James. I dunno. But John says he wants another son and wants to call him Jessie James. Hmm … I hope he has a girl next time.

But ya know, John the Baptist was no Dr. Dobson. And I just think the disciples were a bit rough, too. James and John were called “Sons of Thunder.” Oh, yeah, there is a place for the holy monks and priests. But I think that some of our sons and husbands are called as “Latter Day Warriors.” I kept pickin’ up on this over 20 years ago as Jim went on in his life as a believer. Oh, he was such a warrior to protect his family. Church folks would worry over our doctrine all the time. But we had Christian people who tried to break us up like K has. But Jim had discerning of spirits and he put them in their place.

Jim knew his Bible but not as well as he knew his love for me. He became passionately in love with me and my children. I won his heart. And in so doing, I presented him to Christ. Papa thought I was Hot and that the Christian men at church were after me. Love is blind, ya know? And in our later years, he said, “I have seen those guys at the grocery store lookin’ at you.” Just old men but Papa worried about it.

Latter Day Prophets

Ya know, I know some of your husbands just break your hearts. But ya know, we don’t know their callings. I will tell you one thing. You take a man who has been around the block and got saved? Oh, that is a sweet aroma in a husband who is brave and full of kindness. A man who is fierce and mean to a world who could hurt their family and yet gentle as a lamb to his babies, that’s a precious husband.

Papa quit drinkin’ years ago. But the boys drink beer. A month or so before Jim died, little Romeo piped up with “Grandpa, you don’t drink beer?” I think Romeo at age 3 thought all men drink beer. Last night at the table, Romeo said, “Grandma don’t drink beer, either?” And I kid a lot about bein a moonshiner. But I only drink that at Christmas. So the kids always laugh over that. But Papa told his sons with a broken heart, “You guys don’t need that stuff.” And ya know, those boys won’t drink as they go. Because they idolized Jim and he was a good example.

Ya know what I fear the most is that I will lose heart and not ever get everything written about Jim? He was a piece of work. A handiwork that only Jesus could make. The Lord told me, years ago before Jim got saved, that Jim would be a Latter Day Prophet. I may not have raised him from the dead at the hospital but I plan on raising up his spirit through my writings. The devil has counted me out and gone but it ain’t all over until the fat lady sings. And I ain’t done as long as I have life and breath to sing.

We live in a new time unlike any other in this world. I am tellin’ ya, if ya plan on surviving, you will have to have a new vision. The men in the church, for the most part, are girls. And yet some of your men are very hard into sin. But let God have ‘em. Don’t cast away your confidence in God. Let God be God and every man a liar. You have been called as wives and prayer warriors to raise up men of God through your prayers. For the most part, wives, just drop your wayward husbands on their A– and let em go. If they live they live and if they die they die. Fight the good fight of faith through your quiet meek spirits. If you as a Christian wife are worth your salt to God, then God will protect you and give you a man to shelter you. If you are precious to God and you walk as Sarah, then you will be delivered. God will take care of you. But, ladies, we live in troubled times. Times to take on courage and to fight the good fight of faith.

God is calling warriors to stand for Him. It is the end times. Signs and wonders are all about us. The angels are so close to us but the demons are close, too. Greater is He who is in us than He who is in the world. But you can’t fight a battle of faith unless you are blind to the world’s reality around you. Trust in God and His reality. May His will be done in your home on earth as it is done in heaven.

Annie, I hope you will send your one writing about how you don’t worry over your husband’s sins into the letters group. That is so good. Annie and I laughed about this on the phone. My story was that a prostitute, in the old days, propositioned Jim right in front of me in our living room and I didnt notice it. I was so used to walking by faith that I saw no evil. I took off with the prostitute and left Jim at home. This was just after he was saved and he was soooo mad. This lady was a woman from church and I believed her when she said “She couldn’t help it.” Of course, Jim didn’t believe her and, boy, was he mad at me and her. The Lord finally showed me His hand of judgment on her and told me to get the heck away from her. I never saw her again except in passing on the street. But God knew I wasn’t smart enough to figure it out and Jim was left to sink or swim and he swam all the way up the river. Poor guy!

But if you have a wayward husband, quit bein’ his Mama and drop him on his head a few times. Yes, pray like a hound dog for him and then let him go.

Dear Mothers,

The other day, when Jill and I took Jane back to the House of Hope, the Lord really spoke to my heart. Jane is Jill’s sister that had the wonderful conversion to Christ. Anyway, she is staying in this lovely Christian home for single women. It’s an old Victorian home. No TV or computers or anything worldly — it’s just a place to pray and study the Bible. When I went in, the Lord really spoke to me of rest. None of the ladies are pressured to go find a job right away. It’s just a place to rest and to get back on your feet. To become strong in Jesus. The Lord sure spoke to me — in thought, with spiritual ears of the heart, I could hear Jesus, “Connie, when are you going to rest spiritually from all that you have been through?”

Right after Jim passed, I just thought I had to go find a job and take care of business. I am writing this as Jen on our response group just lost her husband, who was only 36 years old, and they have 3 children. Anyway, Jen, I can see the need to rest in the Lord. That it is OK to rest. As if I needed permission. But I think what we, as widows, want to do is make up for the lost husband. And we do have to do that, yes. We become the one paying the bills and we represent the family as never before. But last night, the Lord taught me another valuable lesson.

I had been so worried about our Mary. So worried, I just shook with nervousness and fear. Ever since Jim passed on to heaven, Mary and Brandon have gone crazy. I worried myself sick over them. I told the Lord, “Lord, do you want me to die, too?” I just felt the life of me was dimming and that I would die of a broken heart. I couldn’t eat or sleep. It was a though I was only living on fumes of a remembrance of past victories. I was surely Ruby in my past writings. Running in fear through the dark forest. I was so ashamed of Mary and Brandon that I couldn’t even tell about them to Jill or any other close friends. I could barely tell them enough to pray.

The nerve pills I got weren’t strong enough and were making things worse for me. So I got some Valerian and took it all day yesterday and that helped a bit. But had God not saved me yesterday, in the evening as a I prayed, I don’t know where I would be this morning. I couldn’t have gone another hour without finding some help. But I was sitting in Jim’s chair praying and reading my Bible. And God spoke to me and set me free in an instant. He told me, “Connie, just because Jim is in heaven, you aren’t the Priest of the home. You can never take that place of spiritual authority in the home. The devil will attack you and get you every time.” When I saw that in the Spirit realm, I dropped that burden as if it were a poison snake. I instantly in my Spirit just let it go. I could see that this was a spiritual burden that was not meant for me to carry.

God spoke to my heart, “Connie, Brandon is the master of his own home. You are not the head of his household. Mary is his responsibility now. He is her husband. You are not the head of their house.” Even though Brandon is not doing right, he still is the only head of his house and the only one who can change things. Mary is out of order, too, but knows the teachings of Keeper at Home.

See, we live in a corrupt society. Many of the young men have tried to make their single mothers work for them. They have held guilt and condemnation over their mothers. So when they get married, they carry that on to their marriage. The young men blame the wife and mother and try to bulldog them into doing what they want. They won’t take the responsibility as men or head of the house. They haven’t been taught to. See, when Jim was here he set up a standard — he was the example. And then I tried to take Jim’s place as spiritual head of the family. That’s never gonna work for any wife in the home. A woman is not ever meant to carry the load as spiritual head. No woman is meant to be priest.

When I obeyed God last evening and let my burden go to Him, it was as though the anointing came on me and broke the yoke of bondage over me. Obedience to God breaks the yoke. I all of a sudden was hungry and I fixed myself some supper. I tell ya, I was set free just like that. Later I was tired and went to bed and slept good. I just Praise Jesus as He is Lord and King.

No, I didn’t mean to be out of order with God and carry a burden that was not mine to carry. But as a widow, I just felt I was supposed to do everything — to play both parts in the home. But no woman can play the part of father and mother. We have to give our burdens to the Lord. God just doesn’t expect us to be what we are not called to be. The same in a family where the woman is divorced. She can only play one part and cast the other part over on the Lord. Jesus is Husband to the Mother alone with children. He is father to the fatherless. But mother is to be mother and that is all.

Just because the husband is gone, that doesn’t mean that mother is no longer the weaker vessel. She is still the responder and plays the passive role in her home. She is still meant to be at home as keeper at home. And just after losing a husband, she above all needs to rest in Him. God kept telling me to rest and yet I thought, “What? I need to work twice as hard to keep up. Or to make up for Jim not being here.” And I think this is what we as widows or as divorced women think. But we are not cut out for that and we have to rest and drop back. I didn’t want to grieve I wanted to skip it and go on. After all, ain’t I a Christian? Our minds tell us one thing, ya know. But God who has made us knows our frame and what we can take.

I am thankful that God has given me four strong sons to lean on. But there is only so much they can do about Mary and Brandon. God has to be my Husband and Mary’s father on this.

And ya know, I know I have gone through all of this for a reason. I can see how close we can come to almost dying from being overstressed. But the stress comes from Satan and it’s because we as women won’t stay under protection from our husbands or the Lord if He is your only husband. But, see, God is calling us women to a tight hold right now.

Ya know, it is a very spiritual time in the earth right now. We as believers are entering a new walk with the Lord. Folks are seeing into the spiritual world of angels and demons as never before. Ya know, as a new believer, I used to pray to see angels and heavenly beings, but I never saw any. And now I am glad I never did. I perceive at times that angels or demon spirits are in the house. But I do thank the Lord now that I have never seen any spirit beings. Well, I saw Wisdom once. Dixie used to see her daily. But, see, with all of this spiritual stuff goin’ on with people having out of body experiences and all? And going through tunnels of light and all? Well, we need to be spiritually correct and in order.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with visions and all. But we have to put truth first. And the more spiritual you are, the more truth you have to have. Jesus has to be King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Because if you are real spiritual and you get off? Then you really get off! The main theme of the Bible is that Jesus is God. And the church is the bride of Christ. Christendom is set up in an order that has to remain as God first. Husband under Him and wife under husband and then the children. Man is to glorify God and a woman is to glorify her husband. And the children are to honor their parents.

Power comes as we as Christians follow the rules of the Spirit. The power in womanhood drops on a woman as she refuses the husband’s role as priest of the home. And then, also, I think the Bible really calls one woman to one man. And the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 says she honors her husband all of her life, not his. So it gives me peace to continue to submit to Jim’s memory and to run my home as to honor Jim.

Jim is alive in heaven, Jen, with Richard. We pray to Jesus, who sees our husbands and talks with them, too, every day. We aren’t as far away from our husbands as we think. I think, as we honor our husbands’ memory, we find an anchor for our hearts. Now you are young, Jen, and maybe someday you will remarry. But for now, I think you can find some peace by just speaking to the children often about what would Daddy want us to do about this or that? Or say, “Let’s just make Daddy proud of us if he is looking out of heaven right now.” We still love our husbands. Just because they passed on doesn’t mean our love stops. I still have Jim’s toothbrush and his shaving mug out in the bathroom. I probably will never put it away. And that’s ok — no rule says I have to.

Dreams

Ya know, the other day, a good friend of mine told me something. I mean, this woman is as “common sense” as you will ever know. So this story she told me meant a lot to me. But she was talking about her Mother and Dad who both died about 10 years ago. She said that sometimes she just gets so lonely for them and she feels she just has to talk to them and, when she gets really desperate, she will have a dream of them. And in the dream, she talks to them and tells them her heart and then she feels peaceful again. But she says she dreams about them like about five nights a week.

I never have dreams that I can remember. But many years ago, when I was about 23 years old and I was alone praying in my bedroom, I felt Jim’s Dad’s spirit. He was a Christian man who died when Jim was 8 years old. He was a wonderful father who supported 13 children. But he died at a young age as he worked in a factory where there wasn’t any ventilation and he died of a lung disease. But Jim idolized his Daddy. Jim had a wild side, then he had the other side that wanted to be like his father. But Jim’s dad put such love into Jim that, even though Jim was young when his dad died, his presence seemed to remain with Jim. And so, as I was praying one day and Jim and I were separated, I could hear in my heart my father-in-law’s counsel. I had never met Jim’s dad. But that day in my bedroom, I knew Jim’s dad was talking to me from heaven. He told me that everything would be alright and that I didn’t need to worry. That was such a comfort to me — it seemed no one in the world loved Jim at the time except for his own daddy in heaven.

My own Dad died in 2001. I saw a glimpse of him one evening about four years later. He said, “They know you up here, Connie.” I just saw a glimpse of him.

It seems, in the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, that the rich man couldn’t leave hell but the folks in heaven could come to the earth. Then what about the cloud of witnesses that watch over we who are always in a battle for our faith. They cheer us on, so they have to see us. I was saved in the Baptist church. They said, “Once you’re dead, you’re dead.” But, boy, those Catholics talk to dead people all the time. They have saints that help them find things and what have ya. And what about all of the apparitions of Mary and Joseph and Jesus that people claim to see. And can we only see folks from heaven who the Pope said was a saint? I think more goes on in the spirit realm then what we think.

As I live through this journey of widowhood, a lot of people tell me things I never would have heard had I not lost Jim. Makes me wonder! And ya know, I don’t regret Jim’s death. He was sick and his body wore out. Maybe, had I had enough faith, he would have lived. But then again I couldn’t go over his head spirtually. I tried — God knows I tried. He said it was his time. As head and priest of the home, he had to make that decision. And now I have to go on. But I know I can never be Jim or play his part. I can only play my part as mother and grandmother and wife to Jim in heaven.

Heaven ain’t so far away, Jen. Let’s be happy today knowing all is well. Who knows? Maybe Jim and Richard are standing with the cloud of witnesses cheering us on in our faith.

I can hear Annie sayin’ “Connie, don’t put that stuff on the email.” Well, it’s who I am, Annie. Take me or leave me — it’s who I am. I guess I think that some of what I may say will encourage Jen. Hopefully, it will.

Love,
Connie

This morning as I woke up, I thought, “Oh, I don’t have anything to write.” So I turned on the idiot-box (the TV) and they had a show on, telling you how to live with someone you aren’t married to. And then another show about how to explain dating and divorce to your children. I mean how to tell your children you are divorcing their dad and then how to tell them you are dating. OK? And I think I have nothing to write? I think if I just show up, I just guess I don’t feel like I have anything earth shattering to say?

Jill and Jane and I got together yesterday and had lunch. We had such a good time. Jane is Jill’s baby sister that was just saved, age 45. She came out of a homosexual lifestyle. Wow, what a grand testimony. Soon as she is settled, I hope she can get on our group. Right now she is staying in a wonderful Christian home — it’s a lovely old Victorian home. There are 8 ladies there that had been homeless. It looks like a home for nuns but more fancy. Jane is so happy there and is doing so well. Jill and I love Jane so much and we see so many wonderful things happening in her life. The lies told about lesbians is so dirty rotten. I can’t wait until Jane can really get on her feet more and more and can really stand up and testify about the lies and deceptions of the homosexual lifestyle. It takes your life and just destroys all of your confidence. As I see Jane change from a lesbian to a dear Christian lady, it is such a wonder of God to me. How much more garbage will this nation of ours eat before it’s all said and done? And I think I have nothing to say or nothing to write?

But I guess I am a part of a voice that is saying “Stop! Help! Don’t go any further!” to a lost and dying nation. I am now seeing Christians stand up for marriage on TV. I mean is there another message? It is almost too late. But I know God is always on time. I remember, years ago, being at a Christian home and we were all around a table talking. The couple whose home it was had a wonderful marriage. But there was a young man there that was also married but very discouraged about his ministry. I told him that his testimony of a Christian family was such a light to the world. And he said to me that being happily married wasn’t anything or a testimony. And I thought then as a young mother, “Oh, you don’t know the times or the seasons.” We must stay current with God and cutting edge.

Good happy mothers and marriages are the houses built on the hill. They are the lighthouses of the hour. They shine as beacons out on the sea of tossed and tempted sinners. They are drowning out there. They are rocked about with every wind of doctrine. They try to come up for air but can’t find a breath of truth and barely in the churches. A deep breath comes so seldom that they live, barely, on poisoned air that is barely enough. Only the truth told on marriage can save them.

Marriage is a picture of the physical that tells a story of the heavenlies. It tells of the bride and the groom. The bride is the body of Christ and the groom is Christ. The world doesn’t understand this, as the followers of Christ are telling them that God doesn’t forgive, as they see believers marry and divorce and remarry and divorce. The believers are preaching a false Christ as they are not faithful in marriage. The marriage of Jesus to His church or His people is to be the map for the life of a believer. No, everyone is not called to marriage. But marriage has to be the standard to bounce off from. It has to be our authority as Christ is our heavenly husband.

We are of the household of faith and God is our Father and we are His daughters. As daughters of God, we must obey the Father’s rules of His home. He has set Jesus up to be our Husband. We are to submit to our husbands as unto Christ. This is our holy work unto the Lord. It is to be faithful wives and mothers.

Sinners Saved By Grace

As we, as obedient Christian wives, walk out our places as loving submissive ladies, we tell the world what is going on in heaven. We show them the authority of Jesus as high priest and Savior of the church. To the unsaved husband, we are to walk as Jesus did.

Some of you wives live a life of a martyr, as Jesus did. He died for the unbelievers that mocked and cursed Him but He would not give up. He died not for the upright but for the ones who cursed and beat Him. He refused to come down off the cross and He certainly had that choice. But he stayed upon the cross by choice in order to do a greater work then to have a happy earthly marriage. His strength and sense of purpose kept Him at the cross. He was not held there because of low self esteem. He was held there because He had a knowing sense of purpose. He knew He was to bleed and die for the sins of His people. He could have called 10,000 angels but He refused and instead died upon the cross. 1 Peter 2 and 3 describes this. Christ died upon the cross and then Chapter 2 explains, “Likewise you wives be in subjection to your own husbands. That if any obey not the Word they will also without the Word be won by the actions of the wife.”

See, this is basic Bible truth and it has not been taught in the worldly churches of today. The lie is that we don’t have to suffer as martyrs. But the foundation of the truth of Christianity was established through the early Christian martyrs. If there is no death to the Christian, there is no life to the Believer. If we don’t die with Christ, we won’t live with Him. Except a seed die in the ground, it cannot live and produce fruit. We have proud flesh in the church of today that refuses to bow to the Holy truth of the Bible. The lady preachers that are taking over start out, from the first step out of their mouth, with a lie. They have refused to bow to the truth as keeper at home and the rest is downhill.

If we as Christians had a drop of foundation in truth, we would know, as we see a woman on stage taking authority over men, that we shouldn’t listen to a word she says. But, no, we sit there like empty headed monkeys, filling our head with deception. We listen to her and she begins to make sense. We think, “Well, I agree with what she is saying.” Well, she is saying some truth. That’s what makes the whole dang thing a deception, Girlfriend — it’s a lie with some truth to it. See, any woman with a true heart for God is going to be like a Mother in Israel. She will have a heart for the children of God. She won’t be preaching how to find your gifts as she dances on the graves of the unborn. She will want to be an example of Keeper at Home.

It don’t take a genius to figure out why our Christian society has lost its salt and fire. Mother has left the home, very simply. And what goes on when the conscience and heart of the home is absent? For one thing, the children lose their innocence. This is the why of homosexuality. Usually the children are molested. And then they don’t get healed in a right and holy way and then many of them grow up to be lady preachers spouting a lot of deceptions. They haven’t been healed in God’s way but only through the ways of the world. Through worldly counselors and through proud flesh that teaches them to stand up for themselves. But if we can’t bow, we won’t see His glory, either. Oh, some of you, the rate you are going, you will see glory but it won’t be the Glory of God. I see the preachers on TV trying to call the glory of God down. But to see glory without fire, without bowing, without sacrifice, without pure Bible truth and Holy purity attained through the fire? No, you will not see the true glory of God.

It was the blood and sufferings of Christ that has saved us and redeemed us. He paid the price. He did the deed. He didn’t have to. But he said, “Lord thy will be done.”

Victory in Jesus

If the Word of God is not our authority, then what is? It is the religion of the day. And what is that? It is follow the Word of God until it gets too hard. Then make up a good, self righteous story that will free you from looking like you bailed out. Wrap God’s Word around what you wanted to do, anyway, and tie a big red bow around it and call it done. And that works in the church today as it is so barren of the Word of God.

There is a famine in the body of Christ today. The water and the spiritual food is missing. The Bread and the Wine is missing. His body and His blood is no longer relevant. It has been replaced with religion and the outward appearances of the righteous flesh. The heart of God is broken. The Father calls us and we don’t listen. We die for lack of vision and His knowledge. We refuse to bow to Him and then we bow to the Prince of the power of the air Satan instead. We stand when we should be sitting down and we sit down in fear when we should stand up to suffer for Him.

Call us, dear Savior, into a Holy Place. Let us learn to bow and also to arise to Your Glory and Holy Truth. Let us take up our cross and follow You and be willing to die daily so that we can live in Victory.

It’s like a rubber ball. If you can’t hit the cement hard, then you can’t bounce in the air to Joy. But if you truly suffer for Him, then you will truly share in His glory. Weeping lasts for the night but Joy comes in the morning. Suffering doesn’t come to the Believer only for the sake of suffering. It comes as a door to Victory and Promise. It comes to glorify God and to show the world the suffering and triumphant Christ.

We as followers of Him are seeds of His and we will act like Him. We will forsake the reality of this world in order to act out the reality of heaven. We are not of this world and our reality is not in the physical realm. We don’t walk by what we see with our earthly eyes and our ears and thoughts. We cast down all the physical rules and replace them with His Word. If you don’t believe what I just wrote, then how do you explain heaven and the rapture of the church? None of that makes any sense at all to the physical senses. Jesus is going to come in midair and we are all going to float up to meet Him. And the dead will come out of their graves and meet their glorified bodies in the air? You believe that but can’t believe God for an unsaved husband?

Judge yourself now. Do you really believe God has saved you? Do you really know Him as Savior and Lord? Always there is Victory in Him. We glorify Him on earth as we fight His battles as His children. We fight with His spiritual warfare, with heavenly weapons fighting spiritual battles. And we win — we win our battles on earth — and He gives us a mansion in heaven. We will live forever in Holy Victory. We will go to a place where there is no more tears or sadness. Where there is not more battles to fight. We are all here for such a short time. And the trials are but for a moment. But if we fight our battles with courage and virtue, we will reign with Him forever and ever. Our trials are but for a moment but as we fight, we store up treasures in heaven that no thief can steal. And when we enter His Home, He will say to us, “Well Done Good and Faithful Servant.”

Don’t store up treasures on earth. But store up mercy towards others. Store up good deeds done that honors the Lord. He don’t want your money. He wants your obedience to Him. He wants your fellowship. He wants you to stay awake with Him and pray at night when He longs for your comfort. He wants your love. It don’t matter what you have done. He misses your presence. Don’t ya know He died for you? He knows all of your sins, anyway. Just tell Him you are sorry. Just tell Him Yes you did it and you are sorry. Call unto Him and He will answer you and show you great and mighty things.

Good Morning, Mothers,

Well, I went to Aunt Toot’s wedding reception yesterday afternoon and it was lovely. I really like Jerry, her new husband. He is a wonderful Christian man. I think he will be able to make Toot mind him, as he seems to be a take charge type of guy. Anyway, we all had a nice afternoon. Aunt Toot didn’t get drunk and we were all so glad. No … just kiddin’ ya, Tootie. There wasn’t any firewater there.

Anyway, today Jill and Jane, her sister, are to come for a visit. That will be fun!

I wanted to tell you a wonderful story about Emily, Dixie’s daughter. About 4 days ago, Emily stopped by. I just loved seeing her. Anyway, she told me the funniest story about her and her Mom, Dixie. I asked Emily if I could tell this story on the email and she said, “Oh, sure, tell it.”

Well, Em is 29 now but this story was when Em was about 21 years old. She had gotten mad at her Mom and she told her, “I am going to go out and get drunk.” Dixie quietly turned to Emily and told her that this was impossible. “Emily, people who are filled with the Holy Spirit can’t get drunk.” Well, Em rolled her eyes and went out the door and went to a friend’s and drank a load of beer. And guess what — she couldn’t get drunk. Being determined, she bought some whiskey and drank as much of that as she could hold and she still didn’t get drunk. And she never did get drunk and now knows that what her Mom told her was the truth. Folks filled with the Holy Spirit can’t get drunk. Now Dixie had a lot of faith. I don’t think I would have remained so calm if Mary had told me that. But Dixie rarely flinched over anything. She had raised Emily for the Lord and she just had a quiet, abiding faith and trust in God that Em would always be safe.

Emily idolized her mother. Dixie had the wisdom of God upon her in such a strong way. Even now, though Em has backslid in some ways, I can feel the sparks of Dixie upon her. She is a very young Dixie, but as she matures in Christ, she will be Dixie all over again and stronger yet. I think she will have a double anointing. It was as though Dixie knew she didn’t have long to live and she absolutely gave her faith to Emily.

Sometimes I would go out to see Dixie and Emily would be helping her Mom with the gardening and canning. Em loved it and she was so entertained by Dixie and the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was so on Dixie, you just wanted to sit and watch her. She was so entertaining. Emily didn’t watch TV — she watched her Mother. And I know all of this sounds strange but it was the truth. Dixie was so full of the Holy Spirit and so full of wisdom. She didn’t have a phone and never watched TV. She listened to a special program on faith on the radio after supper. Her husband was a truck driver and wouldn’t be home for weeks. But Dixie rarely left the farm and had Em do errands and go to the store so that she could stay home. She loved the spirit of Wisdom. She lived out of Proverbs.

When I first met her, she had just gotten saved. She had an astonishing conversion. She had smoked 4 packs of cigs a day and overnight, after coming to Christ, she quit smokin’ cold turkey — in one day. She had so much faith. After being saved about 4 years, she went way down in her faith. She became a nervous wreck. Then the Lord delivered her in a mighty way. And she found the wisdom of God. From then on, I never seen anything rattle her again. Even when her husband wanted to divorce her, she was fine with that. I think she knew she was dying and she wanted Bill to be happy and to remarry and he did.

Who wouldn’t have loved Dixie? I do pray that Emily will write a book about her Mother. Dixie said her Bible was to her like Daniel Boone’s rifle was to him. Emily said, “Connie, Mom was such a pioneer. She didn’t use electricity or anything unless she had to.” Em says every time she uses her own dishwasher, she thinks of how much Dixie hated them.

Living on Love

And ya know? I dunno. I just feel like I have never written much that comes close to the heart of Jim’s and my own marriage. In our marriage, there was always a sort of back to the land idea. Our love came from, it seems, a secret place that only God could understand.

Our marriage ended many times. Then the impossible situation through faith was made possible. I would just never let Jim go. One time he came home after being missing for months. He walked in the door and said he wanted a divorce. I laughed so hard, I had to run to the bedroom to contain myself. I didn’t want to make him mad. Then I told him that God would help us and I knew he didn’t want a divorce. And Jim said, “But what will we do?” I said that the Lord would give us a miracle and He did. But we hung for many years between the devil and the deep blue sea.

I had nothing to stand on but the Word of God and that was all. Because certainly there was no evidence of good things ever coming in sight. And so, if God didn’t make a way for us, then we had no way to go. So our marriage was made up of miracles. And it was always a sort of Secret Garden made by one anointing after the next one. Had we not had the anointing, we couldn’t have lived. It was made by God daily, it seemed The Christians among us worried all the time about us, “How do they make it?” We raised a big family and never lost any of the kids to sickness. We weren’t on welfare. Jim forbade it.

An old friend, Mrs. Trecek, came by last evening. Her daughter Evie had won me to the Lord in 1966. So Mrs. Trecek has kept up with my life all of these years. She says to me, “Connie, send your life story to Readers Digest.” I told her I didn’t think it was poilitcally correct enough. Mrs. T. and I sat quietly and talked about the Lord. I showed her a picture of Jim and me at the prison on our wedding day. She said, “Oh, Connie, have that blown up and put it on the wall.” What a riot! That picture was in a prison magazine years ago. Jim and I were one of the first couples to be married in prison and have pictures taken from inside the walls.

But, see, our marriage was never built with anything except the miracles of God. No marriage counselor would have helped our marriage. Jim always sat and told any counselor we went to just what the Counselor wanted to hear. Jim had no way with words. I was the words person in our relationship. I often spoke what Jim was thinking. I wrote to Jim every day in prison and this is when I guess I learned to write on a daily basis. Oh, yes, Jim and I tried to be normal and do stuff like everyone else. But about the time we had it down pat, Jim would leave and be gone for about 3 months. So, I mean, if the supernatural didn’t happen, then we wouldn’t have made it. So our marriage was continually made up of a series of supernatural miracles.

We always made people around us nuts because they would ask, “Well, what will you do if your car falls apart or you have an emergency?” We only had enough money, in the beginning, for the house payment and utilities and some food. If we had an emergency, then the money had to come out of the food money and then we would have had no food. And many weeks, it was close but God would answer my prayers and send me food for the family. I wouldn’t tell Jim we had no food. I knew he didn’t have any money so why tell him? But everything was by faith. And you can live like that if you have a lot of love. Don’t try that if you hate your husband and you are lookin’ for an excuse to leave the lousy bum. But, yes, I can honestly say Jim and I lived for the most part on love.

Like Mrs. T. said yesterday, “Connie, you loved your Jimmy from early on.” And I said, “Yes, I did and I thought he was handsome even in his old age.” I thought Papa could do anything and would always be here to protect me and love me. I didn’t care how much money we had. I was just happy that God delivered him and that he was saved.

By Faith

I wish so much that I could get down to the bare bones of what our marriage was made of. My writing is to be to the wives who think their marriage can never be resurrected. My writing is to the marriage that is dead and lost. How do I penetrate the broken heart that seems sealed against all hope? I have been there, A, where you stand. I have been there, P, and so many of you. I can tell you that God can raise your marriage from the dead. But not in the works of the flesh but by the anointing of the Spirit. It is the anointing that breaks the yoke. It is not our works — it is the touch of Christ that breaks the yoke of wickedness.

I haven’t made a loaf of bread since Jim passed. I wonder if I ever will again. I hope I do. But I remember when I had a bag of flour and not even 25 cents to buy a loaf of bread. And I had some yeast and God taught me to make my family’s bread. I can’t imagine now baking a loaf of bread that Jim will never eat. But there is still more to it then that. Papa would want me to live again and be happy enough to make bread. He loved the joy he felt when I was mixing and kneading the dough. Each loaf he would often say, “I think that’s the best bread you have ever made.”

Well, my bread was always made by faith in the beginning. Later on, after the children were all gone, then we lived a lot easier. But in the old days — man, I had to rock and roll to keep up with making food to feed our children. I would make pancakes for breakfast and, if I had a cup or so of the batter left, I would use it to start my yeast rise bread. I never wasted anything. I would always make sure I had some kind of bread made and lots of vegetables and fruit. We had meat but not a lot.

Papa was so impulsive. When he did things crazy, I would just stand back and wait awhile. Often he would see he had acted too soon. But there were many days that I would hear the Lord’s silent moment come so that I could talk to Jim. And I would sit and talk with him and help him sort things out. Sometimes fear would just electrify him. And sometimes when fear would grab me, Jim had a way of making Satan let go of me. Jim could make me laugh or say, “Let’s go to the Dollar Store.” As a seasoned Christian, I had learned to follow Jim as the Priest of the home. And even though a lot of times he didn’t speak out of a prayer, I knew to follow him.

The only time I ever remember out and out defying him was a few months before he died. He had said to me, “Connie, this pain in my chest is my heart and not the hyenal hernia.” I turned to him and said, “No, it is not your heart. It is not.” And he argued with me. “It is my heart and I want to die here.” And I screamed back to him, “No, Jim, I won’t have it. It is not your heart.” But, ya know, it was his heart. But Papa told me he was leaving this time. And no amount of me tryin’ to pray for healing or whatever was gonna work. It was Papa’s day to go to be with Jesus.

We took that thing to the end and played it for all it was worth. Satan never did kill us as he had been tryin’ to do for years. And when the lights went out and the party was over, it was indeed over. Without God’s power we had no life of our own. We were not miracle working people. We only believed the Lord and He did the miracles. We had seen many miracles as God was on our side. And He was on our side in Jim’s passing, also.

We all who know the Lord are living an everlasting life right now. Some of us are on earth and some in heaven. But we live in His kingdom now. Soon we will see our loved ones again. But in all things we are more than conquerors in Him who loves us.

I still don’t feel l have gotten to the reality or the bare bones of our marriage and what it was all about. But someday I will.

Love,
Connie

Good Morning Mothers,

This morning it rained and I just laid in my bed and prayed. And me and Peggy Sue (my cat) just looked out the window and enjoyed the cool air as it blew through my open window. I prayed, “Lord, I think I have said it all on that email machine. I think I am done.” And the Lord reminded me of Jimmy (40), my oldest son, and a conversation he and I had about my writing.

I asked him if he ever read it. He said, “Mom, it’s hard for me to read. Because growing up, I didn’t remember you like what you write. Our lives were different than that.” Jimmy remembered me as a single mom. Somewhat of a little skinny Modern Milly, I guess. Then he has been putting some of the movie pictures that Grandpa had onto CDs — or is it DVDs — I don’t know. That modern stuff mixes me up. But, anyway, I know Jimmy spends hours looking at those pictures, trying to figure out how I became who I am now. He don’t say he beleives in Jesus as Savior, although he did believe in Christ up until he went to college. Then Christian Joy, who was born 7 years after Jimmy, remembers me as a straight up kick in the butt feminist. So she don’t understand much of my writings, either. And John remembers when Jim got saved, but remembers both sides. Then the youngest were born after Jim got saved and we all settled down and were half way normal.

When Jim got saved, I went whole hog or none and got pregnant 4 times in about 5 years. I had one miscarriage. Jimmy says, in the pictures when Dad was home I was pregnant, and when he wasn’t I wasn’t. Jimmy, being a very so-called sophisticated, educated, politically correct gentleman Democrat, has a very hard time keeping up with his Mama who never did wear shoes. In some of the movies, I am on my brother’s motorcycle with my Mom yelling at me in the background, “Connie, put on your shoes!” “Grandma was always yelling at you, Mom, to do something.” I was my mother’s worst nightmare. But then my last 3 children don’t know me for anything more than a saintly mother.

At Jim’s Memorial, Mary and Dan stood up to give honor to Jim. Jimmy told me later, “I am jealous that I never knew Dad like that.” It made Jimmy feel kinda bitter, I think. It’s water over the dam to Christian Joy.

But what the Lord told me this morning is this. He said, in so many words … You have gone through every marriage problem there was and I kept you safe. You were thrown in the furnace and it was turned up to very hot. But God kept you. He saved you. And when you came out, you came out without any scars and without any smell of smoke upon your clothes. “I, the Lord God, kept you and never allowed you to die in that furnace of affliction. You came out strong and ready to go again.”

I started out in my horrible marriage believing that God had chosen one man for one woman for a lifetime and the devil never convinced me otherwise. Now I understand that some of you here are divorced and that’s OK with me. But I can’t tiptoe around you. I have a story, too, that God wants me to tell. I believe anyone can make a mistake under pressure, and except for God’s grace, I wouldn’t have made it, either. And I wouldn’t even be standing here right now except for His Holy Grace. But the Lord told me this morning that He has chosen me to write on marriage because I had one husband and this is to be the standard. He told me that many out there have good marriages but they aren’t called to be writers. And many women have stayed married for a lifetime but hated their husbands.

Jim and I loved each other and put each other first up to the last breath he took. And I may not think that is much to write about or you may not, either, but it’s what He has called me to do. I know that you all who have been divorced and remarried have a lot to offer. My own mentor, MaryL, is divorced and remarried. She saves my hide all the time and prays for me and keeps me sane.

Forgiveness

And some of you women who can’t forgive your husbands for adultery or whatever? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Ya know, I am an old bride now. And I want to tell you something. What comes around goes around. You may have to forgive your husband for a lot in the first part of your marriage. But thank God because you will be setting up a standard for your marriage. YOU will AS WIVES make mistakes down the line in your marriages. We all do. Forget about any insurance in a home if you don’t have MERCY INSURANCE. Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy. If ya don’t pay your premiums on mercy, you won’t have any when YOU need it and you will NEED it. If you plan on being married for many years, then you will, in some time, need mercy. Because we all make a lot of mistakes. We just do! And when you are close to a man and you live daily with him, you will fall somewhere along the line. Be quick to forgive and to show mercy and forgiveness.

Wives, be tender hearted towards your husbands. Be to him what he can’t find in any other woman. Don’t ask out of him more than what he can give you. This idea of giving him ultimatums and all will work in a short time marriage. But over a long haul, it won’t. Be a loving, old time marriage partner if you want a marriage that will last forever.

Let God be God in your marriage. Let Him convict your husband of his sins. Be a loving helper to your husband and let God guide your husband by His Holy Spirit. See, if you, as wife and mother, sow good things into your man, then the Lord will give you good things. He will reward you and bless you abundantly.

I feel that the reason that I am not so grieved that I can’t get out of bed because of Jim’s passing is because we were so close. We kept such short accounts with each other. There was not unforgiveness in us towards each other. In fact, Papa would often try to take the blame, even if it was my fault and I was the same way with him.

Through my own carelessness, I about burned the house down twice. Papa never said one word against me. I felt so guilty! And I became so paranoid that I would surely burn the house to the ground before I died. So when we would go out the door to the store or something? I would jump out of the car before Jim even got the motor on, going back in the house to always double check it. “I checked it!” Jim would yell at me. “Well, I wanna check it again,” I would say. Then Wild man would say, “Oh, you worry too much.” I am thinkin’, “Well, I must not worry enough — I almost burned the house down twice.” But Papa never blamed me. He didn’t even want me to help clean up the burned upstairs. He said he would do it, that I couldn’t take it.

He tried to continually guard me from heartache. I had paid my dues of mercy. And Papa loved me so and never wanted me to ever be hurt by anything again, not even my own mistakes. The kids never blamed me, either, as they followed Jim’s example. Papa, who was the worst of husbands, became my prince and my knight in shining armor. He was my King on this earth and He washed me by the water of the Word.

A lasting marriage that glorifies God comes no other way then through the doors of humility. The marriage, blood bought, comes through the cross of Christ and is a picture of Christ and His church. Does He cast us out when we sin? No, He helps us back up, knowing we can’t make it without Him. The anointing breaks the yoke of sin. The anointing comes through our prayers for our mates. It comes when the mate does the unthinkable and the mercy drops begin to fall and to rain upon the sinner.

I could have blamed myself to death over those fires. But Papa forgave me for His own sake. He wanted me whole again. He wanted me to be happy and his peaceful wife, so he forgave me. And this is why God forgives us — because He wants us to go on and to do His will with strong hearts and full of His Holy Spirit.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Well, Mary stopped by yesterday and we had a nice visit. She looks so much better than when I saw her last. I was so happy when she called Brandon on the phone. It being Father’s Day, I knew she would think of Brandon. He isn’t working and is staying with his folks. Mary told him that when he got a place to live and a job, she would come back to him. Things are looking up and I see the Lord working. “You were a good father to our baby, Brandon,” she told him — and he was.

Mary is staying with a bunch of girls in a house and cleaning houses to make some money. Mary brought a girl over with her and she seemed like a nice girl. She said she was a Christian so when I prayed for the girls before they left, I let them both have it with both barrels. It was a scream! Mary had told this girl about me so she braced herself as I prayed. But the girl was almost slain in the Spirit. Mary told her, “Well, I warned ya — Mom is intense when she prays.” I prayed my Spirit into Mary so God only knows now what will happen to her. Mary told her friend, “I saw the goose bumps arise on your arms when Mom was prayin’ for ya.” I put my hands over each of the girls’ ears and prayed that they would only hear what the Holy Spirit said to them and not the world. And I prayed that they would have mouths to speak out about Jesus.

Mary hugged and held me close when she came in. I hadn’t seen her in a good month. It’s been hard. How do our children get so off when we are diligent mothers to pray for them and love them? As Mary was here, she went upstairs and got a couple of Jim’s shirts and brought them down and asked me if she could have them. I told her she could. We both held his shirts and put them to our faces and tried to smell a part of him. We cry so easily for him, as if the tears are so waiting to drop from our eyes. Mary got out all the pictures of Daddy that she could find and showed them to her friend. She told me “Mom, Daddy wouldn’t want me to go back to Brandon until he has a job and a place to live.”

I called Aunt Toot later in the day to tell her about Mary. Toot said that if I had been Mary, I would have pitched a tent on the road for Jim to come home to. And I would have. Oh, I loved that Wild Man. Heaven is just over yonder and I will see him again.

I know I am supposed to be writing but at times I don’t want to. God’s hand is so strong upon me to write. It’s as though I have no choice. For some reason, I am such a target and if I don’t get up and build the house for Jesus, then the devil starts to tear it down. I am going to be so glad to get to heaven and be done with these battles set before me.

Mary doesn’t have any of her things with her. Well, just a few things. Most of her stuff is in storage. But she says, “Mom, the one thing I keep with me always is your book. And I have friends read it.” I think “Oh, my gosh — that book. The secret weapon.” I know the Lord has all of this more under control than what I can see. I expect many miracles to come out of all of this. Jesus comes to bind up the brokenhearted and to set the captive free.

I was looking at some of my old writings from 2000 last evening. I used to have a little group on the email of about 10 ladies at the most. Half of my space was taken up with the list of names so I could only write like a half a page on my email machine. My group was called Mother Home Journal. Anyway, I printed off a lot of the writings and saved them. I was reading them last night and they are so full of the joy of homemaking. I miss my homemaking.

As I stand before you all and this email machine, I wonder if I will even make it to the end of my forest. Will the Lord ever be able to say to me, “Well done faithful servant?” I get to thinkin’ sometimes I am so ornery and I have probably said too many ornery things about the preaching in the churches of today. God probably wants to tie me to a wailing wall.

Part 2

Can you believe there is a second part here of this hen scratchin’? Well, I gotta be funny or I won’t be at all.

Dan keeps calling home and to his brother’s from NY to tell all of us that everybody in NYC is stupid. Just a bunch of vegetarians. I had a joke on the tip of my tongue to tell David on the phone yesterday as he was telling me he had just talked to Dan. I said, “David, I have a joke about all of that but I better not tell it. You poor kids will never remember me for anything good but just for my dumb jokes.” But I had to do it. I said, “I am not worried about the vegetarians but what about the fruitcakes with their nuts in backwards?” I told David to never tell anyone I had said that. He laughed and laughed over that and I know he will tell everyone I said it.

So much for being the straight laced Titus 2 Mother. Well, what you see is what you get, huh? I think I have done enough damage here I had better go and start my day.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

For the past few days, I have had visions of Ruby. She is a young widow with children. She had to do some errands in the afternoon in town and was late getting ready to go back home. So, as she thought of her children alone and waiting for her, she decided to take a short cut through the forest. At first, she thought, “Oh, I will walk by faith and the Lord surely knows I have to get back home to the children and He will lead me.”

Ruby hurried along and she prayed with confidence. But the darkness began to fall and there was a chill coming in the air. It was Fall. The winter was soon to set in. And Ruby began to run and yet a little fear came that she was not coming out of the forest as quickly as she had thought. Was she lost? Ruby tied her head covering about her neck a bit tighter. And she could feel her woolen shawl about her, almost as if the Lord was wrapping His arms about her. She had a candle in her apron pocket and she lit it and cupped it with her gloved hand to protect it from the wind. She was afraid and yet she vowed to trust in Jesus.

Quietly she walked. Steadily she walked and prayed. She could hear and feel the dried sticks and leaves crackle and swish as she walked alone in the forest. She vowed that she would trust in God and be silent before Him. And yet the fear welled up in her heart as she thought of her children crying and waiting for her alone at home. Ruby was exhausted and fell to her knees in the dark and cried out to God with tears that came from her inner soul. She screamed out to God in terror. She felt hot and on fire with fear. All of her faith was gone and only an aching hollowness was left in her soul.

She got up from her knees and stood silent before the Lord. She had nothing more inside to cry. She was afraid and lost in the forest. For hours, she had prayed and she saw nothing change. The forest was as dark as it had been and she was still lost with visions of her children calling her.

Long suffering comes to Ruby to give her strength and Ruby keeps walking and hoping that her children are safe. Ruby can barely think of Jesus now, or her faith, as her mind is frozen in panic. And then this peace comes from out of seemingly no place. She somehow sees the suffering in her heart and she submits to it. Instead of fighting it, she rests in her suffering. She says with Job, “Tho He slay me yet will I trust in Him.”

Ruby’s flesh has been burned with a holy fire from God. A fire that burns the flesh away and leaves nothing but the Spirit. And the Spirit within speaks out of a place of nothingness but God alone in the forest with Ruby. Spirit speaks to Spirit with nothing in between.

Ruby gets back up to walk. Night creature like demons fly in Ruby’s face and yet she continues to walk, trusting in the Lord. The demons mock her and condemn her but she keeps on walking. She whispers, “Tho He slay me yet will I trust in Him.” She tells Satan “I am blood bought and born again. I hold in my hands the keys that will bind you for a thousand years. God will contend with those who contend with me and my children. All of my children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I and my family will be saved.”

He Is Always There

As Ruby continues to walk, she begins to see the light filtering through the forest trees. She hears soft voices singing back in the forest behind her. The angels were following her all through the night. The angels were hidden and watching, guarding and protecting Ruby, in the arena of testings and sorrow. Ruby was so relieved to see the light and to hear the voices of angels.

Just then, the Savior came out of the trees and picked Ruby up and carried her swiftly to her children. He was sure of her love and devotion to Him and He asked her to be His bride. She had suffered with Him and now He asked her to reign with Him. He leads her to the still waters and He restores her soul. He anoints her head with oil and her cup runs over. He prepares a table before her in the very presence of those who mocked her. He tells her that Goodness and Mercy was following her through the forest, and that they would follow her and her children all the days of their lives.

In the forest, she had felt all alone but the Shepherd had been following her all along. She had suffered silently in the forest and, with Jesus, had cried out, “Lord, why have you forsaken me?” Then she became one with Christ as she continued in faith when all hope to Ruby seemed lost.

That next step was the step of faith Jesus was waiting for. And she stepped into His anointing and deliverance. He invited her to sit with Him at His table and to be His Holy Bride. He became her true Husband on earth and in heaven.

A New Anointing

Sometimes in our trials and sorrows, we don’t feel the rushing winds of angels. We see nothing happen and we lose heart. We think “Why isn’t God moving?” We see nothing happen in our lives. We have prayed and stood on His word and yet we see nothing at all. It seems that all of heaven is against us. But it is a Holy Silence and pure place of suffering to rest in.

Yes, we can find the place of rest in great suffering. Jesus was called to live and to die on a cross. We are called to give up our lives, too. We can rest in this — we can rest in sorrows. It is a place of victory. It’s where our souls and hearts rest — we finally rest.

It’s like doing the back float in the swimming pool. When you have believed God for a miracle, then there is nothing left to do, but float on water and wait. Flesh isn’t going to make a miracle happen. Imagine how mad the devil gets when he sees a saint floating on their back, smiling, waiting upon the miracle working Power of Christ Jesus. He would so much rather that you scream and yell and beat the ground with your fist. That way, he can throw you off course and make your trial last longer.

Satan loved it when the chosen of God wondered around 40 years in the wilderness when they could have come into the Promised Land in a few weeks. And those faith preachers on TV make it look like “Well shoot, if you would just do this and that, you would get your miracle.” Well, Girlfriends, we live in another era now. That old teaching worked in its day. But we are fighting new demons now and you had better be ready to go beyond what the faith preachers are selling. We had better figure out how to stand in faith when nothing has worked. When we have prayed and stood on the Word and done all the right things.

The true faith God is looking for is the faith that will stand when all is lost. When you have run out of road. When the world is mocking you and all you have to stand on is air and Jesus Christ and what you remember of Him. Because the devil is good at taking a hammer to your head and beating every sane thought of God out of it. But after the hammer drops and all seems lost, then who are you? Believe me, if you get back up and walk with all the drops of faith you have, you will see the glory of God. Mountain moving faith comes when the circumstances around you fail. Faith must stand alone or not at all. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.

Jimmy, our oldest son, yesterday on the phone said to me, “It’s a good thing Dad is dead because what Mary has been doing lately would have killed him.” I have been through much suffering lately. But the Lord is with me. I have total peace concerning Jim in heaven. Friends about me think I am suffering because I miss my husband. But it is that my heart has been broken because of Mary, age 21.

I am at peace with Jim. I know where he is. We are so close and I feel his spirit. I know he is safe in heaven. Mary is not safe and yet I am resting in Him and in His sufferings mingled with mine. I am waiting on Him and He has given me Joy and peace in my spirit. Yesterday, as I talked to Jimmy, 39 years old, he said, “Mom, why haven’t you written about Betsy? (Mary)”

Mary looks to me, right now, like a white, pure and holy rose with a crimson stain. Dew drops upon her petals like tears. She says to me on the phone, “Mom let’s talk about you — how are you?” I tell her I am fine and that Dad’s death isn’t as hard as what I have in worry over her. “Mom, I miss seeing our garden and our home.”

Feminists stand around her that tell her to leave Brandon and find herself. Do what she wants to do. Brandon is hollow with grief and sorrow. I have to go through a 45-year-old man to have him call Mary to have her call me. That man would have been history if Jim were alive. Then Mary went to jail for missing a court date. We sighed with relief.

Mary Elisabeth age 21

But Mary, being so ingenious, cut a deal with the bondsman and got out of jail on her own. None of us, of her family, would get her out as we all felt she was safer in the County Jail than anywhere else. We planned on leaving her there for 30 days. And in all of this, the Lord has given me peace and I am floating on water and smiling at the devil. But that place of peace didn’t come easy. We must fight the good fight of faith.

Ya know, when Jim was in the hospital right after heart surgery, he swore he had no pain in his chest, and he never took anything for pain. The nurses said that was very unusual. And I am at total peace concerning Jim’s death. I think that is a miracle. I don’t miss Jim because I feel him continually around me. I am not nuts concerning this. I am at peace concerning Jim.

The other night, the cat, Peggy Sue, was on the porch and she was trying to, it seemed, come right through the wall. I was not at all afraid. I got up and let her in the house. Later, I saw outside where someone put my lawn chair in my flowers and knocked over my other chair. But I am not afraid at all. Last night, Peggy Sue was on the porch and I put her in so she would be good. As I went to the door to put her in, I saw someone walking by.

I know the Lord’s angels are all about me. I can smell the fragrance of angels all about me. And yet it is a Holy Silence that attends me. In my secret chambers, I feel a holy ritual going on. I don’t know what He is doing or what the angels see that I don’t see. But I trust in Him. And I don’t see the silence as meaning He has forsaken me.

I see the silence as Holy and Pure. Blood bought and anointed. I see Spirit speaking to spirits. I see His unseen hand moving over Mary’s mind, washing it in the cleansing blood of Christ. Oh, precious is the flow that makes us white as snow. No other fount I know. Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Mary just called right now and is coming over. She cried and cried on the phone about Brandon. I am at peace knowing all is well.

Love,
Connie