This morning, I was reading a big Bible I got at a sale a few years ago. It has a lot of study helps in it. I don’t usually read this one. But I noticed in the back of it a three-page prayer Papa had written about our family. He prayed for each of his children. And he said he knew he didn’t have long to live. This was written about 3 years ago. At the end, he blessed me and told the Lord that I was his life. When I read that, I understood why I would never remarry. It has to do with Papa’s prayers. His prayers can’t be answered if I go give my life to another man. I may need another husband but my kids don’t need another Dad.

This being a widow is hard to fall into for me. As I go, the Lord teaches me the why and wherefore of it all. Jim lives in heaven now. But his and my prayers will go on as long as I don’t ignore my children and run to another man. Do I want to build on my own kingdom or on another man’s kingdom?

The virtuous woman does her husband good all of her life, not his. The Bible speaks of the young women needing to be married as they left their first love, Jesus Christ. They began wandering about from house to house or from Bible study to Bible study. Telling lies and fables and speaking things they shouldn’t speak. I think, “Oh, Dear Jesus, help me to be one of the widows that has kept her heart faithful to God. Help me to put my life into Papa’s children. Answer Jim’s prayers in Jesus’ name.”

[In response to a question about how to keep peace in the home.]

We had 4 boys and 2 girls. I know what it was like, having to start work the minute my feet hit the bedroom floor — yes, up and out of bed early in the morning — and run like crazy until you went to bed at night. It’s hard on a mother with a big family. I cooked and baked from scratch. Had a garden to tend in the summer and we home schooled. Gee Whill-ickers! Talk about busy. And ya know, I am sure I made a lot of mistakes. Also my home was real peaceful at periods of time. Like when the older 3 kids were out on their own and I had the 3 younger ones to homeschool. Then the 3 younger ones grew up into their teens and then the house got wild and then it got lonely as the 3 older children got out on their own. But the mainstay in all of this for the wife and mother is to continue to submit to her husband as unto the Lord.

When you are raising children, the children won’t be perfect. They are learning to be Christians, and it isn’t peaceful when they are making mistakes and staying out late and rebelling. It’s hard but if you pray, dear Mothers, then God will answer your prayers.

Fighting the good fight of faith for a Mother isn’t fun and peaceful. Your peace has to come as you pray and trust in God for your children. You have to get up in the morning and say, “Ya know what? I have homeschooled these children and I have done ny best to raise them for Jesus. And now I am going to walk out my faith that each of them know the Lord. Maybe in different degrees of faith.” But your confession of faith has to be that you taught your children the right way and now God must act. His word says, “All of my children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace.”

If your husband isn’t walking with God, then still, by your obedience to Christ, your husband is sanctified and the children are holy. You have a Christian home, dear wife, if you are a Christian.

Ya know, in all the homeschool magazines, there are these perfect families. Well, thank God for them. But Good-night! Don’t we wish we were like that. But a lot of these parents are so easy goin’ by nature, and their kids kinda follow them naturally. Well, Jim and I weren’t hatched from eggs but we were shot out of fiery cannons. It’s not fair for us to assume our kids are going to be nice and happy to sit and read history books all day. I mean just because we want them to.

I mean, I wanted my kids to be perfect, too. And I thought they would be if I homeschooled them and taught them the Word of God every day. And ya know, just because a kid ain’t perfect at 18, it doesn’t mean the party is over. We are going to be praying and mothering our children until we die. But the way the Mother is to keep her heart quiet is by submitting to her husband as unto the Lord. And sometimes the husband is wrong. And that is a hard spot for the wife.

Generally we submit to our husbands daily. But sometimes if he gets way off we have, to just flip our gaze away from him for a moment and pray. But the meek and quiet spirit doesn’t come out of a woman because her family is all perfect. The meek and quiet Spirit is your submission to your husband and your trust in God. Jesus Christ has to always come first. He is the main man. Then submit to your husband.

Fear can cause a lot of damage in a home. It can cause things to really go nuts. But a mother who has faith will cause the worst of homes to become places of joy and peace. Fear will cause so many problems. It’s the air Satan breathes. You must hit the floor each day in faith, dear mothers. Keep your hearts for out of it is the issues of life.

I couldn’t sleep in the night so I am up doing some wash and cleaning up the house.

Yesterday morning, Christine, John’s wife, came over to help me with some house business. She brought Baby Rose to see me and Romeo. What a riot! We had lunch and then Amy brought the little baby I babysit for, David Jake.

For lunch I fixed fried cabbage with hamburger, onions and green peppers. For the little ones, I fixed cornbread with applesauce in it. Baby Rose eats a lot of fruit so I had that for her. Romeo loves fruit, too. Rose ate some of the cabbage. I let the children eat out of the plastic doll dishes. I have a little kitchen set for them with the sink, stove and all. I let them put real water in the sink and wash their dishes. They have a ball. Oh, a little water won’t hurt anything! They spill a little of it on the floor but I don’t care. I just clean it up. I have 2 little square inch sponges they use.

They get all the toys out. A friend just gave me an easel with a blackboard on one side and a clear white side to draw with magic markers. Then you can wipe it off with a damp rag. They enjoy that for a while. Christine tries to pick everything up before she leaves but they keep getting more out. They help pick up, too, but, oh, what a riot!

Romeo is 3 and Baby Rose is 2. And I guess I forgot to say our son Jimmy and Aleks had their baby. Annestasia Sophia. All went well and Jimmy, who is almost 40, was so happy and Alecks, too. But I have never seen Jimmy so delighted. He couldn’t sleep the first night as he was so happy. He said, “This is what life is all about, isn’t it, Mom?” I said, “Oh, yeah!”

The night Alecks went into labor, I could sense Jim’s joy. I knew something was going on about a baby. I thought maybe Mary was pregnant or something. I didn’t think Alecks was due yet. Well, she wasn’t due but went early and the doctor thought she would be late. Well, I sure sensed that Papa knew all about it. Well, he is in heaven with God and knows a lot of things.

Today I will get David Jake early at 9:30. He was just a month old April 3rd. What a sweet baby he is. He fills up a lot of the lonliness I feel for Jim. Amy, his mom, is such a sweet, precious mother and so easy for me to deal with. Isn’t the Lord good? He knows what I needed. I didn’t need any drama with having a mom who wouldn’t pay me or always late, or hard to deal with. Amy is like an angel, and so is her baby.

Well, I guess I should get back to bed. I needed to vacuum but will early tomarrow morning. My Mom always says, “Why do you have so much housework — it’s just you that lives there?” Well, when I cook, I still make a lot of messes. The other day, my friend Barb stopped when I was making pies. I invited her to sit at the table while I rolled the rest of the pies out. Well, the flour just flies and it went all over her black shoes. So she had to keep wiping her shoes off. “Oh. Sorry!” I kept apologizing. But I can’t help it — I always get flour all over when I make bread or pies. It just flies in the air. What are we gonna do with me, anyway?

Well, I still have my bucket of horseradish outside my side door here. I wish I could get that fixed today. John had dug up the roots for me and we put them in a bucket of water to soak the dirt off. It’s so cold here in Iowa, we haven’t been able to put our tomato plants or pepper plants in. This is the coldest spring I can remember. I had the furnace on yesterday for a short while to take the chill off the house. My tomato plants are safe and happy inside for now. I used to plant my tomato plants too early and they hated it and would politely die on me.

For Mother’s Day, I kept feeling that somehow Papa would send me roses. Well, our son David (Rose’s dad) bought me a rose bush called “Secret.” I knew it was from Jim, too. Oh, Papa loved flowers. He loved roses. And I have Rose of Sharon at the side of the house Papa planted last spring, a symbol of Christ.

Dear Mothers,

I have come to this e-machine this morning to write about faith. How? By faith. This morning as I got up, I felt such heaviness in my heart. Last night, Mary (21) our daughter was here. She grieved and cried for her dad and for the baby she lost in death. Her Dad’s passing has brought up the sorrow of her baby’s death all over again. It hurts me so to see her hurting.

I am so grateful to have my own home to pray in. Everything is so familiar to me here, as this is where Jim and I have lived for almost 33 years. God reminds me of how I got this house and He encourages me with my story of faith. Let’s go back and I will tell you again of the wonderful testimony of how we got this house. Bear with me, please, as many of you have heard this story but some haven’t.

It was the year 1973. I had laid in bed for weeks, barely able to get up and take care of my son. I was pregnant and had hardly no money. Jim was missing and I had no idea where he was. I had nothing but voices of suicide telling me to give up and kill myself. I just laid in bed as our son watched TV. I didn’t have any faith — I had nothing but sorrow. But the Lord, in the midst of my ash heap, spoke to me. He said, “Connie, Jim will be healed and he is coming home to you.” He said, “You will buy a house and get a car and Jim will find a job.” And somehow all that happened within 2 weeks. It was a miracle.

If I did anything right, I did simply believe God. God knows I had nothing to give. I had bottomed out. But within a few days, Jim came home. And I didn’t start a fight about “Where were you?” I just went on by faith. I told him that God had told me that we were getting a house. We were going to buy a house! So we went for a walk to find the house God had for us. Heck, we didn’t have a car or a newspaper to look for a house. We just went out on foot and started lookin’. We found a house and a sign out front. We called the Realtor and he showed us the house. But while Jim and I were there, I said, “The Lord told me that the house we were to get would have a kitchen stove and a dryer in it.” I looked in the windows and, yes, there was a dryer and a kitchen stove left in the house. The dryer, the Realtor told me, was a piece of junk and it didn’t work and he would have it hauled away. But I knew it worked and it did and I used it for 8 years. The stove worked, too, and I had it many years.

So the Realtor happened to be the Mayor and he went out on a limb and gave us a good deal. The house cost 12,000 bucks and I put my welfare check of 150 bucks down on it and bought myself a house. It was on contract and the payments were 135 a month and that paid for the house payment, insurance and taxes. The very next year, the house went up in value to double. The man that sold us this house nearly had to pay for us to live here. Also, the man we bought the house from accidently ran into MaryL’s car and so they got a new car and gave us theirs. That guy supported us the hard way. Well, the car Mary gave us was many years later. But right away (in this story) we got this other car.

Jim did get a job and started working. And to make a long story short, this house was falling in. But years later, after Wild Man was healed, we got it fixed up and, of course, it was a wonderful investment. I am so happy I didn’t miss God on that. I am so glad I listened to Jesus when He came to me and spoke words of life to me. He is the Way out of our troubles.

I love this old house. What comfort it is to me. What a miracle it was. And, ya know, when we first got this house, we started moving to it by faith. No car — we just walked boxes over to this house 8 blocks away. I carried boxes and I was 7 months pregnant. I remember Papa saying at the time, “You remind me of a pioneer woman.” Papa wan’t saved then but I know this impressed him. I just fought the good fight of faith.

But ya know, I was never anything in myself. If I have any gift, it may be that I can see where the Lord is moving and I somehow jump on board. Actually, I never wanted to buy a house, as our lives were so awful that I thought, “What would happen if the furnace went out or something, we wouldn’t have the money to fix it.” Well, the furnace did go out in this house many times. When we finally got a new furnace after living here for 8 years, they told us the old furnace had a crack in it and it was a wonder we weren’t asphyxiated.

Oh, the stories I could tell. But God just always brought us through! We finally got this beast under control and it’s a nice quiet home now and I love it. And ya know, I am so thankful for these experiences. See, we as believers can’t live by how much moiney we have in our purse. That is a measly way to live. We as believers must live by faith. Faith will take you much farther then money ever would.

Even in my later years, this house is such a blessing to me. I don’t have to go out to work because Jim paid off this house for me. What odds would there have been that Jim would have ever paid this house off? It’s a wonder we never lost it. But by faith, we just hung on.

After we moved here, Jim wasn’t to get saved for 8 more years. But ya know, he was saved when he was 39 and I was 32 and we had many wonderful years together. But the foundation of faith had to be laid out first. I was to go on and have 3 more children and homeschooled in this home for 15 years. When Jim died, he died without shame. He had proven to the world that God had truly saved, healed, and delivered him by the mighty hand of God.

I have no regrets. Papa and me set out to prove that all things are possible with God. And that no man is hopeless. And we proved it. I was able to write my story in Above Rubies and have our testimony go to many countries and to many people. Had I thought of that, alone on welfare with demons hanging around me, yelling at me to commit suicide? No, I hadnt thought of that. But God did. He saw something in Jim and me worth keeping alive. Papa loved adventures in the physical and I loved them in the Spirit. Two gamblers we were, each doing what God called us to do. Neither of us had our feet planted on the ground of this world.

Some of you are in dire straights. The devil has you on his runaway horse with a noose on your neck. Been there and done that! But dream, dear heart! Dream your way out of it with God. Nothing is impossible with Him. Let Him give you visions of victory. This is why all of my kids major in creativity. It because we were so poor, we never had anything but our own creativity to keep us from going under. Your soul and spirit need more than money. She needs dreams and visions to keep her going. Let God give you dreams. Cast down vain imaginations and everything that exalts itself above the knowlege of God.

Some of us have been through so much, we feel, “When will the next shoe drop?” Who else is gonna die? But Satan loves to get us to bounce off lost battles of the past. But we need to encourage ourselves with the past victories. If ya don’t give up, you will see His glory. Don’t be afraid of making a mistake or missing God. But, mainly, fight for the truth of the word of God. Put His word first. Don’t try to go against God and break His laws then expect a miracle to save ya. It wont!

I had a clear cut run as I was living and staying with a husband that clearly was killing me slowly. The Bible told me to not give up on an unsaved husband. My testimony isn’t that I got rid of the miserable beast. But that I hung in there and God gave me a miracle. God gave me 26 years of Joy with a man who was, in the beginning, the impossible dream. But, yes, God may give you a few miracles in your sinfulness and disobedience. As He has given you over to a hard heart. But I never wanted to go that route.

Love,
Connie

Boy, cloppin’ along tryin’ to do what the Lord is leading me to do isn’t easy. But I know His way is the only way to go. How many times have I missed His leading and had to go back around the mountain again. Oh, that REVOLUTION! It may be the death of me yet.

Aunt Toot came over last night. I laughed so hard I couldn’t eat my cake. I kept trying and I would take a breath and the crumbs would fly down my throat and nearly choke me. I finally said to heck with the cake and I put it back on the table. I just couldn’t eat it without laughing. Aunty said, “Now I could just see you remarrying a Carney and running off with the circus. Then I would have to tell the email ladies what happened to ya!” Aunt Toot is the funniest woman. No kidding! And we disagree on most things. I mean, after all, she goes to church. But she knows me as a friend and this means the world to me. When I give her cream for her coffee, she will smell it and say, “How old is this?”

I need a good shot of Aunt Tootie every now and again. And Peggy Sue, my yellow cat is in heat. Toot says, “You just love to see that cat suffer. Why don’t you let her out of the house and get it over with?” Well, Peggy Sue is afraid to go outside, for one thing. And for another, I don’t want her to have kittens. Not now, anyway! Peggy yeowls all night and sleeps all day.

But, anyway, I need to be about my Father’s business this morning. Need to do housework and some cooking. It’s so quiet on the set today. I s’pose everyone is getting ready for Mother’s Day.

This morning I am going to lunch at a dear saint’s home. She is Mrs Bunker and she is 86. She is a dear and I can’t wait to see her. Her daughter Bonnie is a good friend and coming, too. Anyway, I was praying this morning and thinking of a conversation Bonnie and I had. She said, “Connie, I really thought you would crash after the funeral, after the kids left and all. But you seem to be doing good. You and Jim were so close. How are you making it?” And this is what I was thinking about this morning. How am I making it?

Ya know, I just feel it was Jim’s time to go. I was so close to him. And because I was, I can still feel his spirit. And I know without a doubt that Jim is so happy. I feel such a joy for him. I miss him but I feel so much peace coming from him. Ya know, only he knows how much he was suffering. Papa didn’t tell me. I never told him when I was suffering. Papa and I had lived such a hard life. Sorrow was a part of it. Rarely did we discuss the obvious. We walked by faith and not sight most of the time. Jim knew he was dying and even wrote out all the bills and had them in envelopes to send out before he went to the hospital. He went into the hospital the 18th of March and told me to send the bills out the 22nd when he had gotten his Social Security. I mean, this was days before the 18th. And Papa never did tell me about the bills at all. Wild Man wasn’t afraid to die. He is joyful and without pain now.

I am a Christian wife and mother. I had a relationship with Christ before Jim died and do, of course, now. Jesus prepared me. He is my counselor. I am not alone now and never have been.

One thing about Jim and me is that when we went through trials, we didn’t feel sorry for ourselves. We had learned early on that you can’t depend on people for your peace. Now, many have given me money and helped me out after Jim’s passing and I needed the help and encouragement. THANK YOU! But, to me, it is all icing on the cake. But my main stability is the fresh word of Christ daily and each moment.

See, I am a Christian. Jesus is my bread of life. The Holy Spirit counsels me. He tells me what to do. And folks say, “Well, what will you do in that big house all by yourself?” Well, I have never considered myself all alone. I am never alone. The Lord and His angels are here. Jim’s memory is here. I often feel his presence right beside me. But if I could by magic bring him back to me, I wouldn’t.

God didn’t make a mistake in my life. He has a bigger plan. Jim is happy and isn’t in any pain. God is caring for Jim. I love Jim as I always have. I love him enough to let him go. I am acquainted with grief as a follower of Christ. I know grief very well. And to think my darling is not suffering, to think he is cared for by the Living Christ? Oh, it is breathtaking to me! He is my other half and I can feel his joy. I wouldn’t take that JOY and Happiness from him for a million dollars. He fought the good fight of faith and he won. He WON! Oh, my dear Jesus, I am so glad he won the battle of faith and went to heaven and will be there forever. And isn’t this the reason I came to Jim? To win his soul to Christ? So that He can be happy forever and ever.

How can I not be happy for him? He is not dead but in another land called Heaven. I miss him but that is par for the course. I am glad to miss him and to know he is with Jesus. And, ya know, I will see Papa again in that far away land called Heaven. Heaven was not a real place to me even a year ago. I mean, it was but I never thought much about it. But I think of it every day now since Papa got promoted to heaven. Heaven is just one heartbeat from here.

And, ya know, in my life with Christ, I haven’t been doin’ alot of backsliding. See, if you will just stay on course as a believer, you will grow in Him. And you add to your faith “virtue.” This is in 2 Peter 1:5.

See, the Bible tells us to add faith to faith. We are to keep the things God teaches us and layer teachings from Him. When we learn something from Him and we don’t do what He tells us, then He can’t tell us something else. You become strong in Him as you add teachings to teachings. It’s like when you were in kindergarten. If you didn’t learn what you were to learn, then ya flunk and have to learn it again. You can’t add one teaching and growth to a foundation that has never been built. You have to concentrate on Christ. And with stability in Him, build block upon block of faith upon a sure foundation.

I am not braggin’. No one is more aware of the fact that my righteousness is as filthy rags. I have no wisdom in myself. I wake up almost each morning and cry my head off. I am in prayer at least an hour before I come to the e-machine. Many nights I am in prayer. I don’t stand here on my own merit. But, see, I learned in the furnace of affliction that my flesh or anyone else’s isn’t going to take me anywhere in God.

Jim, early on in our marriage, was like the demon possessed man in the Bible. No man could tame him. I learned all of this the hard way. He went to every counselor you could think of. Every ministry in town tried to figure him out. You name it and we tried it. I will tell you one thing — no man helped Jim. Flesh didn’t do it. And one day, all of this dawned upon me that nothing in this world was gonna help Jim but Jesus Christ Himself. I had to lay down all of my plans. And I handed Jim over to Jesus Christ. I told Jesus I am here to make Jim happy but You have to save His soul. And I took my hands off of him. After that, a prostitute had come to our house one day. She was the pianist at church. Anyway, she propositioned Jim right in front of me. Man, I didn’t even notice it. Jim got so mad that I didn’t even notice. I was walkin’ by faith and not sight.

Jim, early on, was like a bulldozer going through a fresh made garden. He tore up my life again and again. But I had to look at Christ Jesus. I couldn’t take my cue from the circumstances around me. I just quit watchin’ Jim and his stuff and looked to Jesus. Pretty soon, he simmered down and walked straight. But folks used to say to me, “What happened to Jim — how did he get saved?” I had to tell them that Jesus healed Jim through my prayers.

I mean sometimes the devil just winds these wayward husbands up to make the Christian wife cry her head off. The devil loves to see a Christian wife bellyache. The more she complains, the more the devil loves it and feeds off of it. The devil lives on the fear of the Christian wife. Satan is a sick bastard and he loves sickness, fear, confusion and strife in the home. Oh, that is what he loves. If you get enough strife and confusion in the atmosphere, then he can possibly get someone to kill someone and take them to hell. He is after the Christian wife and mother in the home. He wants to divide and conquer the home. He wants to divide the husband and wife so that he can come after the kids. But, Girlfriend, you don’t have to let the devil have your family. Jesus is there with you. What more can you want? He can show you the way out of a problem in the home.

See, when I began to homeschool, John ran away. Heck, we barely saw him for 7 years. I worried until my eyes nearly fell out with crying. One day God said to me, “Are you gonna homeschool or worry about John?” I couldn’t do both! I had to give John to Jesus and let Jesus take care of Johnny. John would call in the middle of the night and tell me that people were trying to shoot him with guns, etc. But I would just ignore him as the Lord gave me the strength. Finally, a Christian man saw John walking down the street in Chicago and won him to Christ. John, of course, was my beloved as Jesus’ John was the disciple Christ loved. Johnny, of all of my sons, is the closest one to me.

Dear Mothers,

Good Morning! Baby David comes at 11:00 this morning so I will write a bit. I am a bit late getting to my writing this morning as I had to pray and seek the Lord this morning, more than usual.

The scripture the Lord has been speaking to me about is in 1 Timothy 5:14. It is speaking of the widows who are young or under 60. It is saying that the younger widows have a tendency to run from house to house and speak things they shouldn’t speak. To tattle, to be idle. To be busy bodies in the affairs of other households. They speak things they shouldn’t speak. So the Bible says these widows should remarry and bear children and be a keeper at home. In other words, just because you are single doesn’t mean you should be out gadding about, interrupting Christian homes.

See, the Bible says that women shouldn’t be taking authority in the church. This means she shouldn’t be taking authority in the body of Christ. The older Titus Mother is not to take authority, either, over another man’s household. Titus Mother is to teach the younger mother to fit in with her husband’s plans. She is not to teach her to upset her husband’s plans but to be quiet and learn in silence and submission. Really, I don’t even see where the Titus Mother is to do much else except help the married mother at home. Titus mother is to teach by example.

Now I could start going like a mad dog and start teaching Bible studies all over my area. I mean, when Hell freezes over. But what am I gonna teach except how to run from house to house. How can I relate to these mothers and tell them to stay home? How can I show them the spirit of homemaking? I mean, you are probably sayin’, “Well, Connie, you know all this. Why are you talking about it again?” Well, Hello! I have these witches after me? They say they have dreams for me. They want me to be BIG Lady PREACHER. Again, when Hell freezes over! Jezebel is on my tail.

Man, I can see where many of you are as young wives and mothers. Well, don’t let the devil scare ya. Just use the word of God on him. Our nation doesn’t need another lady preacher or another career for women. Stay home and take care of the home and your children. Submit to your husband and be a keeper at home. I told Jez yesterday, “I am staying right here. I am honoring my husband’s memory. I am here to be an example to my children and grandchildren. Don’t be thinkin’ I am a lady preacher, as I am not. I don’t want new appliances. These are the appliances my husband bought for me and that’s what I want.”

See, materialism is out there. I used to worry over money when Jim and I first married. It nearly killed me. But early on, I took a vow of poverty. If I have something extra that I don’t need, Iwould give it to the poor. I am free of a love for money. God meets my needs so well. Papa got me that little Minnie Mouse refrigerator and I love it. I have red and white refrigerator magnets on it and red and white things on top. I have a red Mickey Mouse clock above it. I put some cute lady bugs on it, too. It’s darling. Papa was so proud to buy me that little fridge brand new. Also my stove is really small and I love it. Papa bought that brand new, too. I will always cherish what he has gotten me. This is the home Papa paid off and I love it as it is.

And I am tellin’ ya what. I thought the world was nuts before Jim died, but I didn’t know how nuts! The world may call us stay at home mothers and grandmothers recluses or whatever. But, ya know, I may be a hermit but I am happy. I am makin’ it. It’s a wonder I am still alive with the heartache I have had. I am making my own way so far with babysitting and hopefully I will get to tutor. But the world I am suppose to run to ain’t doin’ so well. So why would I want to run to it?

And I watched part of the Oprah show yesterday. Man, is she a witch or what? They put marriage down. See, Jim wouldn’t allow her on at all.

Dr. Phil

Oh, man, you gotta be kiddin’ me! I watched Phil’s circus act yesterday on TV. He says this father was a maniac because he taught his girls to make cheese and butter and to make soap and to garden. Well, no, the father shouldn’t have kidnapped his girls. But that show had overtones of the devil’s voice and his take on the whole thing. Their mother, you could tell, was as crazy as a baboon. The whole show made fun of the Mennonites and Amish. Who the heck would make fun of people who are back to the land and who work hard? Well, leave it to Dr. Phil.

See, Jim would have had a royal cow if any of those nutty shows came on. Now that I am left to my devices, I am getting into trouble. I am wanting to see what is on the other side of the mountain. And believe me, I guess the trip has been worth it. I have learned a lot the hard way.

One thing I really learned is that these worldly churches are really bad. I mean, it used to be the church frowned on divorce. But then they thought, “Well, anyone can make a mistake.” And I think that, too. It isn’t the unforgivable sin. But now many church women are marrying and remarrying the church members? I have never heard of such stuff. Some of these worldly churches are building the foundations for out and out cults.

Ya know, if a church doesn’t teach the order of the family then they are laying the foundation for a cult. Because the Bible teaches the order of the home. Eve was a keeper at home and so were all the other women in the Bible. No Christan wife in the Bible left her home to get under the covering of an unbeliever to help him build his kingdom. The women of God were keepers at home who built up their husbands and raised their own children. The Mother caused her own home to prosper. I mean, Esther’s uncle gave her to an unholy king to be his wife. But in the process, Esther saved a whole Jewish nation. So ultimately she was looking after her own people. She sacrificed her life to save her own family. But she didn’t go marry the King so she could get more new outfits and wear expensive jewelry. And when Sarah got sold by her husband to the ungodly King, she prayed to get loose. She gave up a palace to live in a tent and wander in the desert. Her place was with her husband. She knew her place of covering and righteousness. Her tent was where God was blessing her and she knew that.

I guess my house ain’t so hot but I am happy here. It’s where my husband’s memory is. It’s my place of blessing and prosperity. I sure ain’t hurtin anybody if I stay here. I mean, you would think I was the cow that knocked over the lantern and burned down Chicago. Mercy! Talk about feeling intimidated? Well, now I have just a taste of what you all go through as stay at home mothers, huh? It’s been good for me. Woke me up, huh?

Dear Mothers,

Oh, it rained last night and I could watch it through my window in bed. I love the rain and it makes me sleep so good.

I felt so ornery last night, too. Boy, have my eyes been opened! I don’t go anywhere hardly. I am mostly home. But women my age come to visit? Well, some are my good ol’ friends, I love to have come and visit. I miss old Aunt Toot if I don’t see her every now and again. I love my friends. But some of these women, I am praying all kinds of road blocks so I will never have to see them again. They don’t know my heart. They have this big idea that I was oppressed by Jim and, now that I am free, I will want to run out and howl at the moon. (Practically.)

Their homes look like funeral parlors. White carpet and mirrors and fake flowers all over the walls. All new everything! To me, these houses look like dumps. They look like funeral parlors. I feel like I will turn a corner and find a casket to view a dead man, all dressed out in his Sunday suit. How are children to play there or the dog to feel welcome? I don’t want to live in a tomb, thank you. I love the life I had here with Papa and his crazy wild children. I raised my family here and my carpet may be old and stained. But, ya know, I am not worried when my grandbabies come to visit.

And worldly women want me to get out of the house? Whatever for? I never ran out and about when Papa was here. So why run now? I mean, I go to the store and do what I have to do, as I always did. I am at peace and a lot of women hate that.

Man, I didn’t know the world was as bad as it is. I mean, I have been enlightened lately, let me tell ya. And these women think because I am poor that I will jump sky high or do anything to get some of their cash? Ya know, all they are doin’ is pulling on the tail of a ferocious lion. The more nonsense they show me, the bigger bite I am gonna take out of Satan’s face.

These women don’t know me very well, do they. I am like a spiritual gangster with spiritual guns in every pocket. I have been polite up to now. Well, I usually am polite. I just feel sorry for some of these women who think gain is godliness. Especially women from big churches. (Not sayin’ anything about the small, humble churches.) I mean, I will let these women go and, of course, I could care less what they think. But when they start runnin’ in on my territory? And they start takin’ up my time mentally and physically? Um. Well, I am prayin’ about it and God will fight my battles for me.

It’s been good for me, as it’s opened my eyes to what is out there. I thought I was kinda hard on the worldly church and was often ashamed of myself for what I said. Well, scratch that! Mercy! I was being very nice, believe me! Ya know, there are whores in those churches after your husbands? Trust me! Let the Holy Spirit lead you. And if He tells you to get out of the church and go home and have home church, then run home as if a fire was chasing you! And I am tellin’ you what? Run from these women preachers! They are the deception that will deceive the very elect.

I am convinced that unless you keep your home holy by staying out of the world, you will not make it. Stay out of the world. Stay home and cook and bake and make a home. This is what will save your spiritual life. I am stayin’ home and taking care of my little David Baby. He has saved me. The money I get from taking care of this little baby pays for my utilities and food for the month. Papa paid off the house. We have some giant doctor bills that Medicare didn’t pay but I think I can get some help through the state for those. I am not worried in the least about them. If I can’t get any help from the state, I will just pay a bit each month. But I am not leaving to go get a job. And I know this makes the devil HOT. And he is HOT, anyway!

And, ya know, dear Mothers, you have to watch out for these worldly Christian women out there. They are lethal! Ya know, the news media and all take a dim view of the stay at home mother. They think we have all been beaten half to death and abused sexually and this is why we want to stay home. Well, I will tell you who has been abused. It’s these women preachers. Almost every one of them have a testimony of being abused by a man.

See, there was a remedy for their hard lives. They needed to forgive their oppressors and go on. Not make a religion out of it! I mean, I have never seen so many men hating women in my life. Good Grief! If I, as a woman, can’t please one man in a rightful Biblical way, then what good am I? These women are making sex toys out of themselves to please their husbands. I mean worldly Christian women. I was really giving a lot of these women more credit.

And ya know, a lot of my Sisters in Christ have lovingly given me money to live on. It is precious to me, and I couldn’t have made it otherwise. But I won’t take blood money. That’s money with strings attached. Like “Here,, Dear, is some money and this is only the beginning.” That kind of money is like clouds without rain. Well, yes, as a writer, I am in the wilderness to be tempted. “Fall down and worship the devil and all of the world will be yours?” And I can truly say with Jesus, “I don’t live by that stuff. I don’t live by bread alone but by every word that comes out of the mouth of God.” I really think that any of us who want to do something for God will be taken to the wilderness to be tempted. I pray I pass the tests put before me.

And then, last night, I was taking care of the baby in the living room. I heard a knock at the door and I was getting ready to answer it. But then this guy comes on in. He is a relative that has serious mental problems. He comes in and I try to be polite to him. And then he starts ranting and raving. I told him that he would have to quiet down because of the baby, and he screamed all the louder. Then he told me that if I said anything more to him about being quiet, he would scream even louder to scare the baby. I told him to leave and he did! I almost had to call 911. If my boys heard about this, they would be so mad. I am surprised Jim didn’t come back from the dead and punch this guy in the nose.

Well, I have my life cut out for me as a widow. Starting a New Revolution isn’t as easy as I thought would be. I probably scare folks to death that want to do anything for God. Well, ya gotta take this stuff, as always, one trial at a time. The Lord won’t take us through more than we can bear. And I am not the only one trying to start a Revolution. You can bet your sweet life that there are women who are suffering in the back woods somewhere prayin’ for the Revolution. I think in the mountains, especially.

The homeschooling movement started mainly with the hippies. It never started in the church. It’s gotten popular with the church, but it never started there. In the beginning, we homeschooled under much oppression. They put heavy burdens on us and tried to scare us off. I bought books for my kids out of the grocery money. It’s a wonder we didn’t starve to death. So I ended up with smart, skinny kids. But I would rather be poor and honest then bite the golden bullet of the world and accidentally shoot my heart and soul out.

I mean, this life is short lived. Only what is done for Christ will last. I am not giving my soul to anyone but God. And the world can call me abused or codependent or scared of whatever. I don’t care! Let ‘em laugh and call me names. They ain’t my God and I don’t answer to them. May God bless ‘em and show them His mercy. Because so far, all they are doin’ is makin’ a lady alligator mighty testy. She ain’t gonna turn and go their way but she does have big teeth, and the full armor of God.

The Revival

Ya know, revival in the body of Christ will start in the hearts of the pioneers of faith. There are trail blazers out there who will walk before us. They will make a clean path for the rest of us. I hear the cries of the women in the mountains, interceding in prayer. To me, it sounds like the cry of a fiddle across the sky. I hear their cry to God to bring the Fathers’ hearts back to their children.

Who will take the lower seats as wives and mothers to prepare a place for the family of God? Which women will forsake the Christian feminism to walk alone with God? Who among us will not give up and will take a stand to do what the Word says to do?

I don’t want to miss this revival. It’s gonna be a good one. I can’t wait to dance in the streets and declare with the pioneers of faith that the Christian home is being raised up from the dead. I may be old but not dead! I am gettin’ on my dancin’ shoes. I can’t dance as fast or jump a high as I used to but I plan on dancin’ and singin’ and shoutin’ as I never have before. I plan on givin’ this wicked world one more kick in the — before I go.

It’s a call back to the land. Back to the home and the garden? I have heard worldly preachers preach from the pulpit about miracles and they say, “This isn’t home and garden stuff.” Oh, yeah, well, yes it is home and garden stuff. Just like the homeschool movement was home and garden stuff, too. Life don’t begin and end at church. It begins and ends in your own heart as you know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior.

Jesus Christ is cutting edge. He isn’t forgetting the aborted babies. He sees them every day. He talks with them every day in heaven. About 1.5 million of them enter his gates in glory every single year. They are human beings who walk and talk with Him. He is the only Father they will ever know. God’s heart is broken for what He sees being done to the little children. His heart is to bring the Fathers home and for the Mothers to care for His children. How many John the Baptists bodies are dead at the dump as we read this writing? If you think God is forgetting all of this, you are very deaf and dumb spiritually. His heart is that the family would be reunited in Him.

Some of you are hanging in there against all odds. They will be some of His mightiest warriors. You have suffered with Him and will see many miracles. You will see His glory. We won’t see the glory in the body of Christ because we pray for it? We will see it because we obey Him. Some of you are cutting edge and hear the voice of the Father. Your visions are crisp and clear and you step daily upon the water and you walk. He is pleased with you. He calls you as wives and mothers. He calls you to the place in Him where you “see” His heart is broken. Some follow His word only. But some of you follow His Spirit, too. You see His heart and you look through His eyes. You know what He wants.

I am ready for revival! And it only takes a spark to get a fire goin’. Let the spark of His heart spark your heart today. Cook and bake and clean and love your husbands and children as never before. Believe God for a miracle and a revival for our Nation. Let’s get on our aprons and long flowered skirts and dance the victory dance. Tomorrow we may die but let’s kick up a good fuss today.

Love,
Connie

Dear Mothers,

Good Morning! This morning at 11:15, Baby will come for the day. What a joy little David is and he is only a month old. Later on, I want John, my son, to drag my big baby buggy down from upstairs so that I can take David for a walk. I want to show him off in the neighborhood. It’s very cool out today so it won’t be a good day to take him out.

We have our gardens all plowed up and soon will be planting, probably after Mother’s Day. We will have mainly tomatoes and peppers, so it has to be warm for these. John’s family will have their garden here, and David’s. John’s family will come over this morning to help me with some household things.

I had fixed some chicken breasts yesterday for dinner and I have some left over. For today, for lunch, I am making a Macaroni Chicken Pasta Salad. I will just mix the bite sized pieces of cooked chicken with that curly pasta and some raw vegetables, then just pour the Italian vinegar and oil dressing over the top. My herbs are thriving and I will cut up some fresh chives and marjoram to go on the cold salad. I need to get that all made this morning so it can sit in the fridge a while. Then I will make cornbread, too.

I made two nice rhubarb pies yesterday that we will have today. I try to use all of my rhubarb in the spring so the new stalks will grow up again and I can use it all again in the summer. Then I try to use it all again so the new stalks will grow again for the fall. I plan to freeze some for the winter for at least two batches of winter pies.

Also, a few days ago, I had John dig up some horseradish root. I hope I can get some of this made this morning. We just dig up the roots and I soak ‘em in a bucket of water to clean them off. Then ya just cut the root up and peel like carrots? Then, after it is clean and cut up in small pieces, just put it in the blender with a dab of salt and white vinegar to partially cover it. Then just blend it up. Oh, we love it on sandwiches. Well, a little bit in potato salad or whatever is so delicious.

I am cooking this morning as I write. I have to vacuum, too. Need to pick fresh lilacs for the table, too. So I had better run and get goin’.

Oh, I miss my Jim but I know he looks down from heaven at me. He longs, as he always has, for me to be happy and into my homemaking. So I honor him today with a smile on my face and courage in my heart. I am wavin’ at ya, Papa. I am OK.

Love,
Connie

[In response to a question, "What are the building blocks of a home?"]

The foundation has to be FAITH. Faith and some more FAITH. Darlin’, if you want to have a Christian Home, then you best know how to get ahold of God.

You have a Christian home if you, as a wife, are Christian. God is in your home and is ordering your husband to care for you and the children. Maybe husband is wayward but, believe me, God has his number and he won’t go beyond God and His goodness towards you. God will protect you and the children always. As you love God and seek to serve Him in faith, God will bless you. Just look at your own heart, dear wife, and make sure that you are serving God with your whole heart. Don’t blame everything on an unbelieving mate. You are a Christian wife and God is going to care for you and your children.

And, ya know, I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time. So how do some of these women think they can work and rock the baby at the same time? No. If you want a home for the Lord, then go home and make one. Put your heart and soul into it. Follow the Word concerning keepers at home, as described in Proverbs 14:1. And get ready for the world to think you are nuts. Arm yourself likewise with the whole armor of God. Because, Girlfriend, the feminists will come gunnin’ for ya.

Ya know, I have been a homemaker for almost 40 years. And I will be dogged if I can understand the preaching of the day. They talk about the Christian women in the church having guilt and condemnation. And I don’t have that. If I get any, I rebuke it. I can’t understand the preaching of the hour to the Christian women. They tell her, “Well, just don’t be afraid — you will make it. Be vulnerable and admit you can’t make it and the body of Christ will help you.” HELLLLO????? Yeah, the sweet Sisters in Christ will help ya up a few times. Where would I be without my dear sisters who have helped me up? But you better know how to get your sorry ass up off the ground pretty soon, just between you and God.

The true believers, at this point and time, are sick and need help themselves. They don’t have the time or the emotional stability to help a lot of people. They do what they can do. We all are holding our own. But to build a teaching on “whose it will help ya” is a sorry message, indeed. I mean, many of us live in a war zone. I prayed all night to get as far as I am this morning.

But, ya know, it is Jesus Christ you need to lean on and know how to make it with. You can’t build a home without faith in Jesus Christ. If ya don’t know what MOXIE is or ya don’t have any? Then go get a shovel and bury yourself in the back yard. And kiss your sweet family good-bye. Because I am tellin’ ya, you are not going to build a home for the Lord without MOXIE. Luck won’t help ya! Times are hard and own up to that. And, ya know, ya need fresh manna every day? All the books written can’t begin to compare to His presence. If you don’t know how to get ahold of Jesus Christ on your own without the elders of the church, then just figure on failure.

I mean, I have been a Christian for almost 40 years and I am tellin’ you one thing, this society is not as it once was. There is a wickedness out there that is almost unbearable. It could deceive the very elect of God. Come out from among them to be separated unto the Lord. Live holy pure lives for Jesus Christ. Quit the religion and find the reality of Christ.