Saturday, August 19, 2017
 

Archive for April, 2006

Never Give Up

Ya know, today I got out Jim’s wedding ring and put it on my cross necklace to wear around my neck. Oh, wow, this ring is worn thin and tarnished.

When we first got married, I had gotten him a nice wedding ring. But a few years into the marriage, Wild Man threw the ring away in the ditch one day as he hitchhiked out of town. He was to leave me many times before he gave his heart to the Lord. Each time he came back home, by faith, I would forgive him and buy him another wedding ring. Somehow he threw them all away. After many hard years of marriage, he had gone through many wedding rings. I was ready to give up. Jill encouraged me to go buy yet another wedding ring for Jim. I said it was gonna be a super cheap one as I wasn’t sure he wouldn’t throw that one away also. I had so little faith left and I was so losing my heart of courage. But I used the little faith I had and bought a really cheap wedding ring at K-Mart.

Jim later was healed saved and delivered by the mighty hand of Jesus. About 10 years later, I told him I wanted to buy him a nicer wedding ring but he wouldn’t have it. He wanted the ring I had bought as it was special to him, the one he kept. He never took it off unless he had to. Then at the hospital before he died, they gave the ring to me. I will always wear it around my neck. Oh, it is so old and tarnished, just such a cheap ring. So special to me as it was the ring Papa kept. The one I bought with so little faith and the ring he wore for the last 26 years.

God had promised me double blessings for all I had suffered and Papa wore this ring through these blessed years. This wedding ring of Papa’s is so dear to me as it hangs over the cross on my necklace. The cross is really pretty and bright and the ring is so old and worn thin. But each time I look in the mirror to comb my hair, I see my necklace and I think of Jim and my faith and how faith is so loved by God.

Even though we feel worn out and feel we can’t go another step, we must go on by faith. Even though our hearts may be heavy, we must do the next thing by faith. Even though nothing but hard things are in our past, we must expect good things up ahead. It is impossible to please God without faith. And all things are possible with God.

Jill’s Visit

Yesterday Jill came to visit and, as always, her visits are attended by the angels. I am wanting to write some things down that we talked about so I won’t forget it. One thing she said was that she thought Jim’s life will be even more powerful as he has died then when he was alive. Christine, John’s wife, has said, “Jim is a legend.” Wow, that gives me something to think about. Jill said a lot of things that I probably won’t write as they were so true but might be misunderstood. Annie has said some of the same things privately on the phone. See, a lot of the secrets of God that He gives His daughters — well, ya gotta be ready to hear it.

As Jill sat on my couch as we visited, I guess for the first time I took her seriously about her own life. I always wanted to fix it for her or tell her it was OK. I just wanted her to be OK. And yet I can accept her now as it isn’t OK and it ain’t gonna be OK, just cause I want it to be. God has an answer for her but I don’t know what it is.

See, she knew what I knew, we learned it together. The world kept telling her to remarry, give up, and finally she did. She knew better. There are many who innocently remarry as they haven’t really known the word of God. But Jill knew the Word of God and, out of fear, remarried. That has put her between a very hard rock and hard place. And yet she warns me not to do the same thing. “Honor Jim your whole life,” she tells me. “This is your salvation to honor Jim.”

Really, the truth of the Bible is one man for one woman for life. Boy, when I wrote that a blanket of the Holy Spirit fell upon me and I began to speak in tongues. The Lord says, “You women are daughters of God. If you have remarried, then be true to this husband as if he were your first husband.” Jill is good to her second husband and would never leave him. She is there for him but she has a broken heart. The truth of one man for one woman is the backbone of the Bible. If we as a nation would honor God on this one lesson of the Bible, we wouldn’t have ANY venereal diseases to deal with. AIDS alone is killing us.

But no, Jill doesn’t plan on divorcing her second husband. But she sure warns me. She sees my life in the balances as I do. Blessing and cursings cause me to teeter at times. But I guess I know the truth and I had better go on with it.

Jill seems to be caught some place in the middle of something. I mean, to her, she is caught in the middle of something. And yet I see her in a place of blessing where God alone is her husband. She is where only God can minister to her. And, of course, that is an excellent place to be and a place where miracles happen. It’s where no flesh has any place to glory in. The Spirit of God has to bring an answer and it can come no other way. How she can be confident as she stands in midair is a mystery to me, and yet she ministers to me.

I couldn’t hardly wait for her to lay hands on me and pray in the Spirit. And as iron sharpens iron, the countenance of a friend sharpens your own countenance. I did sleep last night without the nerve pills.

As Jill ministered to me, it seems as though I was reminded of the old time teachings I grew up on. Jill and I talked about the corruption in the church. Jill says that at church what do you learn? You learn to go to church. You learn that church is the answer. But it is Jesus Christ that is the answer. Jesus Christ is the answer whether you go to church or you stay home and pray.

We also talked about the virtuous woman and how she is one in a million and you won’t find her running in flocks. The virtuous woman somehow stands alone. And especially in this wicked generation.

Our Danny

Yesterday I had all the kids here for dinner to tell Danny “Good-Bye.” In my spirit, last night in my bed as I prayed for him, I could hear him weeping and praying. I know he misses us already. He kept telling us again and again yesterday how much he loved us and kept hugging us. John will take him to the airport this morning.

At dinner we were all talking yesterday about a friend of our’s son. He is young and is getting into wearing all the earrings and tattoos. Gettin’ in trouble and stuff. His name is Aaron. Danny has taken out his earrings and all. Well, he still has one. But he said about Aaron, “Well, as soon as he figures out that he is no different than anyone else, he will quit wearin’ all that stuff.”

Danny has become quite the young man. All of my children are taught of the Lord and great is their peace. Danny had a sore throat from being in his band and yelling the lyrics. He told me yesterday that he would never do that again. That he was done with that. Thank the Lord! I am sure Papa is smiling over this.

I will call Danny this morning before he leaves. He has promised to get a cell phone and keep in touch while in NYC. Christian Joy will take good care of her Baby brother. He is our youngest boy. Only Danny knows what is in his heart. I trust him to do right and to bounce off his Daddy’s and Mama’s prayers.

Christian Joy’s boyfriend Jason sings more of the folk songs. And I think Danny wants to get into that. Danny probably needs to get away. Don’t know. But I don’t own my son — Jesus does — and I trust in God to lead my dear children along. I raised my children to rock this world for Jesus Christ.

I always thought that because Jim and I lived such a hard life, we could just tell our kids about it and they would be good and not have to find God on their own. But it don’t work like that. God hasn’t got grandchildren, just His own sons and daughters. Our kids have to learn to know Jesus as Father God. They are our children in the flesh but they have to come to Christ on their own. He is their creator and author and finisher of their faith. It’s hard to let ’em go and yet it’s easy, as we know the Lord is a safe place in the midst of a storm.

Danny Elvis

Dan called last night and wants all the kids to gather here this afternoon so he can tell them all good-bye. He is going to NYC to stay with Christian Joy awhile. Suzie, his wife, started being unfaithful to him a few months after they married. So I guess they got a divorce. Jimmy sent Dan an airline ticket so Dan is off to NYC on Saturday. To lose Dan right now is not good for me. But I must let him go. Hopefully, he won’t be gone long.

A few days ago, he came over and we spent some private time talking alone and had supper. “Mom, I am not coming right back, ya know?” I said, “Will you be gone a year?” And Dan said “Probably.” Oh, Danny Elvis, don’t make it big in NYC. I have always said my kids were so good looking, I hated for anyone to see them. Christiane Joy was in Seventeen magazine when she was young. Danny is especially handsome. And, of course, my kids have all been prayed over all of their lives and have a special anointing. The world picks up on that! But Dan has to find his way. And he has to learn to discern between good and evil.

My children are warriors as Jim and I were. They will find their way.

I need to go to the store this morning and buy vegetables for our dinner today. Yesterday I made a rhubarb pie. I had told Papa last year at this time that I would make him a pie every week for the rest of his life. But I never made that many and so will make them now for his children.

Papa’s tulips are in bloom in the front yard and, oh, the lilacs are so fragrant in the back yard. Both magnolia trees are in full bloom. Also the apple trees and the wild plum. “Oh, Papa, I miss you most in the spring.”

Anyway, I have to get about my business. Have to go to the store. I have a big roasting pan. I will fill it with potatoes and carrots and onions and fried hamburger over the top. Then tomato soup diluted over it all. Mary says she loves this meal so much that she dreams about it at night. This makes me laugh as I write this. God knows I need to laugh.

Bring Him Home

Jim and I met in 1966 – he was 25 I was 18. He was wild and so was I. When we met he had already been in and out of prison for about seven years, and was going back again for two years. We married in the prison six months later. Soon after I had our son. A few months later I miraculously came to Christ. Because of the prison term I didn’t live with my husband for another two and a half years. After being home a year he began a crime spree.

He deserted us over and over again. I had nowhere to turn except to God. No one knew where my mate was. Some of the time my heart would rage like a forest fire out of control on the dry and windy land. I would run and scream like a woman out of her mind searching for her mate in the raging fire. I’d scream curses at God only to faint from exhaustion and weep bitter tears of repentance. I’d get back up, begin running again and fall again and again until finally I’d surrender my will to Christ’s will. And then I’d wait, maybe for another six months, knowing God was in control.

In the beginning I thought about divorce. Well, wasn’t that what a woman does if her husband leaves her repeatedly? And yet Jim kept coming back and repenting. He would mysteriously end up at my back door after being missing for four or five months, looking like a mad man. But beneath the dirt and sun-parched face he was still mine.

I’d bring him in the house, give him dinner, and speak peace and rest to him. I’d run the bath water for him to wash and feel like a man again. Compassion would rise up in my heart – I had the Lord, and my Jim didn’t. I would reverence and praise him.

I would shut the door on the world and be alone with my mate. No matter what he had done to me, we were still one flesh. He was my first and only husband – a terrible, ungodly, unfaithful husband, but he was still my husband. His healing came again and again as I forgave him and opened my love to him. I held nothing back.

There would be times when putting dinner on the table, I’d notice he was awfully late. I’d listen for the car and begin running again and again to the window. The old familiar fear would rage, knowing that he had deserted me again. This scene happened about thirty times in the first twelve years of marriage. He would suddenly disappear without warning. The children would run in from play crying, "Where is daddy, where is my daddy?" I’d tell my little baby Jimmy, "Daddy is sick but Jesus is going to heal him." I taught my little ones to pray, "Thank you, Jesus, for bringing my daddy home."

His mother died and no one could find him. My prayers went out to God day and night and seemingly to no avail. The years went on and the crimes continued as if I had no God. I felt like a motherless and fatherless child. I was completely exhausted and my mate committed still another crime and went to prison for almost four years.

I loved him. I felt he was demon possessed and yet he was my husband. Yet at times I hated him. Your arms and legs belong to you even when they hurt, you can’t cut them off. I was like this about my husband. He was mine. I hated it when he deserted me, but I was married to him no matter what. Adultery to me was the worst of all sins. At night before I entered my marriage bed alone I’d cry out to God to keep me pure even in my dreams and that I would never dream of another man.

Many mornings I’d wake up and think, "Lord, why did you give me another day to live?" Often the world seemed so black to me but sweet Jesus would come to me and speak life and joy into my tired and depressed soul. One time God supernaturally took all my burdens away. I forgot he had left me. It was so hilarious. I even wrote myself a note to remember to pray for him.

The day-to-day message from the Lord was, "Now Connie, you just get up out of that bed. You straighten your shoulders and you believe God. This problem isn’t bigger than God. Don’t you prepare your day as though Jim won’t be home. You get up and prepare your home for a miracle." Each evening when my husband was gone I’d fix supper for him and put his plate at the head of the table. No one was allowed to sit in his chair and no one was allowed to bad mouth him. I ran the house as if he were home.

I survived and lived on the Word of God. I whispered His name all day long. He walked with me in the valley of death and guided me to a straight path.

All our phone conversations at the prison were censored. I’d speak faith into the phone and say, "I’ll see you in a few days, honey." The guards thought we were planning an escape because Jim had been given a 10-year sentence! People laughed at me and said that he would always leave me and be in and out of prison. The prison guards told me that Jim was institutionalized and was hopeless. Hopeless or not, he was my husband. I knew I could never forsake the Lord by not forgiving my own husband. Also, as a young wife I wanted to be a teacher of women when I got older and I knew I couldn’t be divorced. I’d sing, "Keep me Jesus as the apple of thine eye."

The Lord would tell me to speak to the mountains in my life and not doubt in my heart. I would speak to the mountain, which was Jim. I would woo him and call him home with my prayers. Every muscle in my body cried out to God to save him. I fasted and prayed continuously.

Jim was healed in 1979. After he had been in prison for the last four years and home for about three months, he asked me to have another baby, our fourth. I was so fearful and yet was praying for Jim to be healed. I said No. I was not going to have another baby. I walked away from him and the Lord spoke to me. "Connie," He said, "You have come this far by faith. Don’t give up now." After much heartache I obeyed the Lord my God.

"Yes," I told Jim, "I’ll have another baby for you." I placed my future in his hands. When Jim saw that I still believed in his life as a human being something released within him. The fear left his eyes and He was delivered. He lifted his hands up to His Father and received the anointing of a sound and unfettered mind. He began to slowly give more and more of his life to Christ. He took over the bills and began to work steadily.

The Lord did exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ask or think. He gave me joy unspeakable. He showed me He was there all the time. Satan had come in like a flood but the Lord raised such a standard against him. All Satan did was build me a grand testimony.

God gave me a new batch of fruit. I had David in 1980, Dan in 1982 and Mary in 1985. We now have six children. I was queen in my palace. I raised the children for Christ and to honor their daddy. I taught them to jump when daddy walked into the room. I taught them to get Daddy a cup of coffee or honor him in some way.

The guys at work say to my husband, "You don’t go out and drink and party." Jim says, "I have a wife to go home to. I spend my time with my family." One guy said, "Boy, when work is over you run home." The guy thought something was wrong with him!

I sit here thinking of Jim and the man he is now. He has been home sitting at the head of our table for twenty years! Who is this Jesus we serve? Surely He is the Son of the living God – a God who saw me crying and feeling so forsaken, a God who knew the very moment Jim would be healed. Jim is my walking miracle to always remind me that nothing is impossible with God. He showed me that if we don’t give up we would see the glory of God.

Proverbs says, "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her." A woman must gain the trust of a man such as this. His healing comes as he feels safe enough to give Christ his heart and his wife his heart. When Jim was healed he went from not seeing me to taking care of me. He turned from Satan and took dominion over his Eve. He came into his responsibilities as a man. I come under my husband and I don’t desire to do anything else. I don’t always agree with him and I tell him I don’t. But in the end his word is final. I want to be as Esther and not as Queen Vashti.

Dear wives and mothers, don’t give up give up on your husband. He sees your heartache. He won’t leave you or forsake you if you trust in Him. I know for I’ve been to the other side.

Reprinted from "Above Rubies" — a magazine to bring strength and encouragement to marriage, motherhood and family life. It is available by donation from: PO BOX 681687 FRANKLIN TN 37068-1687 www.aboverubies.org

 

Feminism

Dear Mothers,

I have been around the most insane women lately. Jim always kept me under his wing. But I have gotten out lately and “Whoa Nellie.” Let me tell ya, the feminists are alive and well. They are like demon possessed rats that panic after food they are forbidden to have. I quietly come along and get in their way and they run over me like I am a blade of grass. My spirit is an open book and they mow me down like a riding lawn mower. In God’s defense, I give them my testimony. Each word I say is like trying to fit DEAD dry bones together and to make them walk. Like trying to make a rock rise like a happy loaf of bread. As I talked to this wild eyed woman, I felt like, “Mercy, what is wrong with this bat out of hell?”

Some of these women who are in the church are crazier then I thought. I mean, they talk all about worship and they sing and worship the Lord? When they get back up off the floor from praying, the first thing out of their mouth is, “My daughter has no identity because of her husband.” Where is these women’s foundation? What is it built on? Not on the family.

The skeleton of a married woman’s faith has to be her connection to her husband. The older married woman is to be the example to her married daughters and sons. She isn’t supposed to be trying to get her daughters to be out of submission to their husbands. Man, if your own mother is trying to get you to stay out of submission to your husband, then you don’t need the feminist rats in the world to do it.

See, as married women, we must come to Christ and give him our life. But we need a guard and covering in this life. And our husbands are the Lord’s helpers to guide us and protect us. Jim is gone now. For those who just came on, my husband died April 1st. But I still stay under his memory of what I know he would want. But our husbands are who the Lord has given us to direct us on this earth. Some men are not good priests of the home but they are still who God gave you to answer to. God told the children of Israel to follow Moses. Well, Moses was never perfect but he was who God chose. If the people went against Moses, then it was as though they went against God.

Women are not to take authority in the body of Christ over men. No woman has the right to come in your home and take over. Any friend who comes to your house should recognize right away that your husband is the head if the house. When Jim and I were separated many years ago, I didn’t allow anyone in my house who didn’t recognize Jim as head of my home. I taught my children to honor Jim, even though he wasn’t there. This was before Jim was saved. I had decided to walk by faith and I didn’t let up.

But, see, God leads us in righteousness for His sake and for our sake. A married woman cannot just be uncovered. She is not independent like a man is. She is the weaker vessel. She is to be covered and to blend with her nest. Wild Man gave me this house and it is such a comfort to me. I am so glad I don’t have to go out and work, as the Lord is taking care of me. Jim became a good man and so many folks have honored him by caring for me. Jim’s children have honored him and me. Our children are here for us.

Emily stopped yesterday and gave me enough chicken to last me the rest of my life. I am fixing some today, as I think Dan and Mary will come sometime today. Our kids’ friends have been so precious and if I ever needed anything, I know they would get it for me.

This young man next door has insisted on mowing my lawn and he does an excellent job. He mows twice a week. He is amazing. But, yes, I must report that I am well cared for. As soon as it warms up, we will be out planting the gardens that my boys plowed up. It was almost down to freezing last night.

The last words Jim said to his boys was, “Take care of your mother.” Somehow, Mama won Wild Man’s heart in the end.

The Foolish Women

Some of you women are so foolish. Life don’t have to be as hard as you make it.

Some men are rascals! Jim was the worst rascal. Oh, mercy. Just read my testimony. But, oh, that Wild Man of mine. What can I say? But, ya know, some men have had mothers they couldn’t trust any further than they could throw them over their shoulder. And when they marry, the wife seems to get the punishment. See, the wife cares and the mother never did. So the husband wants to hurt the wife. No, it isn’t right! But we have a society now days that is mentally sick. But where sin abounds grace much more abounds.

Darlin’, just dig your heels in and decide that you will have a home for Jesus Christ and don’t let up, no matter who tries to throw you off. Yeah, I know it’s hard –. hard for us, anyway, huh? God knows it’s hard. But just make a decision that you are going to go God’s way. That you are going to believe God for your husband and family.

God’s word says that it is not God’s will that any should perish but that all should come to knowledge of Christ. So you know it is God’s will that your husband know the Lord. And God tells you how to win an unsaved husband. Read 1 Peter 2 and 3. Likewise ye wives submit to your husbands. The word “likewise” is referring to Jesus Christ on the cross. When He was reviled, He reviled not again. Christ’s obedience to the cross saved us from sin. Can you lay down your own life for your family? If you will lay down your life in obedience to God, then you, too, will share in Christ’s glory.

See, there is so much talk in the religious world about His Glory. Women with hard hearts and unclean hands lift up their hands to Jesus and call for His glory? It ain’t gonna happen. You have to submit to the cross to see His glory. God is not stupid and He is not going to pour down His glory upon hearts who are proud and arrogant. His glory will come as you stay upon the cross. Pride and a love for success and money will not bring His glory. We don’t deserve His glory, anyway. If we get mercy from Him, we should be happy. We were miserable sinners on our way to hell. And Jesus came and walked willingly to the cross and died for us. Had He not died for us, we would go to Hell. But He willingly died a horrid death at Calvary’s cross to wipe away our sins. He died in our place. And this is preached in the church. But what isn’t preached is that Christ is our example.

We ain’t here to get 10 steps to success. Our success as believers is to be His servants. Our success is to die daily and to take up our own cross for Christ. As we give up our desires and we lay down our lives, then He can give us the desires of our hearts. If we seek Him first, then we will see His glory. But it ain’t gonna come out of the air and onto your head just because you came to church and prayed for it. It comes on the servants of God who act like Him. The ones who are willing to suffer for the truth.

He shares His glory with no man. Even our desire to serve Him is God given. No man comes to the Father except the Spirit draw Him. So we, as servants of Christ, can’t take any credit. But, no, you won’t share in His glory until you have shared in His sufferings. Until you have laid down your life as He did. Then you won’t have to cry out for His glory as it will come, anyway.

And, also, the silly things I see, too, is that these Christians think they all have to get together and call Christ back. If you can find one skinny preacher with the truth, that is enough to call the Lord back. Jesus Christ ain’t gonna do nothing outside of His word. And Jesus responds to the truth. One man of God with the truth can move mountains.

It’s not how loud these church people can yell or supposedly praise God. If my kids are livin’ like Hell and praising me at the same time, then I would call that blasphemy.

Love Connie

Planning My Day

Dear Mothers,

Well, I am up planning my day. Yesterday I made a big batch of goulash, as I thought Danny may stop by. He didn’t but Mary did and, as she got ready to leave, she looked in the fridge and saw the goulash. “Oh, Mom, can I have this?” So I gave it to her.

This morning, I am washing my rag rugs and getting the house in order to start caring for little Baby David on May 1st. He will be about a month old when I get him. I have a porta crib in my bedroom downstairs here. So I have to clean it all up and wash up some baby blankets that I have. I want to just babysit this baby, as I can live on what I will make. I want to give Baby my undivided attention. Later on, I hope I can get some tutoring jobs in my home. I should be able to get some. Just for a few hours a day. Amy won’t bring the baby until 9:30 each weekday morning. So I will have time to write and still start a commotion on the email machine.

This morning I have a smile on my face. I keep sensing Papa this morning and he is laughing. I guess he is happy that I am not giving up. “I am doin’ my best, Papa, and I will see you again soon in glory.” Oh, my heart grieves and yet I must walk by faith. I know the Lord has a wonderful plan in all of this. I am not just saying this by faith. I sense His hand upon me and I am excited to know what He will do with me.

I am so raw right now. I feel like my husband has been ripped from my physical body. I had to go to the doctor and get nerve pills. I didn’t want to but was unable to sleep and was having panic attacks. I have to keep going and be an example to my children.

I had the funniest doctor at Urgent Care. Ya wanna know how much they charge for an appointment for folks who have no insurance? 97 dollars for the visit. I mean, this is for a poor person who can’t afford insurance and is sick. 97 dollars? Well, I said something to the doctor about it and he said, “Oh, we aren’t going to charge you 97 dollars!” So he charged me 58 bucks. Thank God I had the money. But he was very nice to me in the doctor’s office. He asked if Jim had worked and I said he worked part time delivering pizza as he was 65. This doctor was quite a riot and he said, “Had I not become a doctor, I had wanted to be a Pizza Delivery guy.” In the office, I didn’t laugh but I sure did once I got out of there. What a riot!

Well, ya know, there is some truth in that. Papa and me were rich! I feel kinda sorry, I guess, for some folks who have always lived by money. Their lives are governed by how much money they have in their pocket. How many times did Papa and me fly by the seat of our pants? With nothing but faith and a smile on our faces. B.S.-ing until we got some faith. Some real faith. Often we lived on moxie and love and B.S.-ing.

I wonder, now as I am without Papa, can I carry on my B.S.-ing and make Papa keep smilin’ at me outta heaven? I hear his voice in my heart. “Yes, Connie, you can do it. Just don’t give up. Take it a day at a time and quit confessing negative.” Papa used to tell me, if I confessed something negative, “Now look at you, sayin’ all that and you tell me not to.” The kids always tease me if I say anything negative. “Don’t confess it.” Well, like I said, that is how we ran our home. We could never afford to look at the obvious.

Love,
Connie

Submitting to Christ

Well, Poor OLD Aunt Toot is coming for a visit this afternoon. I am makin’ coffee. I made goulash earlier, as Dan may stop by later. I want to write soon on obedience. Well, I will write a bit now on it.

I was watchin’ Pastor Hagee this morning and I liked his sermon. Part of it, he was saying the church needs to preach Jesus Christ as King of kings and Lord of lords. I agree with that. But, ya know, I would add to that this. We need to accept Him and His word. So much is preached about praising Him and His glory and all. I agree. But what I would add is this. WE need a heart change! WE have to learn to submit to God.

We have such a Social Gospel goin’ on. It’s an easy Gospel to follow. When we praise the Lord and we hear the story of Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection, this is just the beginning. The important idea is “Do we believe it and would we offer our life for what we believe?” See, it has to hit us in the heart.

We can praise God and that is something we do, but will we submit to His will? Will we cry out, “Lord not my will but thine be done?” Most of my early marriage was a daily submission to His will. Every day I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Give Up? But I had to study the word to have a meek and quiet spirit. And even at that, it was not me who submitted to God but Christ within me did. In myself, I could do nothing. And this is to be our lives as sacrificial lambs of God. We are to die daily to ourselves and to what we want. We must cry out, “Not my will, Lord, but Thy will be done in my life.”

There are so many half truths being taught. Why? Because the foundation of the Bible and God’s plan is the family. The husband as head and priest of the home under God. The wife is to submit to her husband and the children under the parents. This is a picture of Christ and the Church. And the Bible says that any man who doesn’t have his house in order can’t be a pastor or a deacon. Women are not to take authority in the church. But now days, we have church teachings built upon half truths.

We are to build our house upon the Rock, upon the truth. So we end up only praising the Lord at church and not allowing the Holy Spirit to convict us and pull at our heartstrings. The religious teachings of the day are built on sand because the foundation of Bible teachings is missing.

The religion of the day is missing the heart of God. It’s boring and not cutting edge. It’s missing the excitement and the power. The glory so many of these preachers talk about is not based on the foundations of Christ and His word. This glory they are calling down with filthy evil hands? They better hope it don’t come? It’s God’s grace that it hasn’t come down and burned them up. We must be seekers of His truth first and then His glory will come.

Funny Story

Well, yesterday I got in the car to go to the store. Well, the battery bolt had come loose again. The little boy across the street, who reminds me of Tom Sawyer, came over with his wrench and tightened the battery cable. But I thought, “Man, what if I get to the store and the cable comes loose again — then what would I do?”

So I was talkin’ to my mom on the phone last night about it and I said, “Well, I guess everywhere I go now, I will have to take the little boy with his wrench.” Mom, 83, started to laugh and couldn’t stop. She had to get off the phone but could barely say “Good-Bye,” as she couldn’t quit laughing. When I said it about the little boy, I wasn’t laughing. I just said it matter of fact. Well, after I got off the phone, the whole thing hit me so funny. I laughed and laughed about me having to take the little boy and his wrench with me everywhere I went. I am still laughing about it.

Well, this little boy is so cute with his wrench. He keeps tryin’ to explain to me how to tighten the cable. But the whole thing was so loose, not just the bolt. I called John and he said that all the Coke we poured on it probably continued to loosen it. John was at work last night but he will fix it today. It needs a new bolt, I think. Getting a new bolt would be easier than taking the little neighbor boy and his wrench evrywhere I go.

Miss Charlotte is ready to kill me if I don’t get my license. She had to take her test just recently as she accidentally let her license expire. So she says, “Connie, I will underline all the questions in red in my book that they will ask you.” She is so hilarious! I know she prays my car won’t start. I am terrible, but what would I do for a laugh if I was to actually have a drivers license.

It’s Alright

Dear Mothers,

Wow, your fearless writer? I don’t know what to say. Is my anointing gone? Or is it resting? I don’t know. Folks think now that Jim is gone, that I can have more time to write. ??????? How can anyone think that? My writing was an extension of my husband. Without him, there was no story. Yes, I had to write words scooting around fixing meals and cleaning the house. I had to wake up extra early to jump ahead of Papa. I didn’t want my writing to interrupt what he wanted me to do. But I always knew that my readers only wanted the part of me that submitted to my husband.

Some hope now that I will be a lady preacher. When hell freezes over? I can’t think of anything worse than that. Our world, in its moral disasters, don’t need anymore witches takin’ over on Christian men. I would rather starve to death first.

A few days ago, as I was resting in the afternoon, I sensed Jim’s words. I could somehow hear him in my heart. He said, “Well, we have been through worse than this before.” He always said that. No matter what happened, he would say, “Well, we are gonna make it. We always have.” Then we would just make some coffee and watch some TV. Everyone would worry about us and think we weren’t doing anything in the middle of a disaster. And that was our strength — we just didn’t do anything. We would somehow just sit and wait things out. I know we drove the devil nuts with that. When we were supposed to scream bloody murder, we somehow wouldn’t. I don’t know what you would call doing that but that’s what we did.

I remember sometimes when Jim and I were just without any money and all the kids were home. We didn’t have anything! And we just laid on the floor and slept a while together. We were so devastated and we just waited upon God. Well, I guess that is what we were doing. I think that was what I was doing. We would just somehow wait for things to change.

Ya know, sometimes all of your resources are gone and you have no answers and we used to be there a lot. But it’s in times like this that Satan tries to get you to sin. He puts pressure on ya to jump over the wall. To escape where you are and run like hell. But somehow I learned from Jim, or maybe he learned from me, to somehow not scream Uncle on cue. And this was what I felt Jim was saying to me a few days ago. “Well, we have been in hard places before. We always made it.”

I know Jim is always with me. No, not in the flesh. But his spirit hears me, I know. I fell asleep last night as I felt his hands upon my cheeks. Jim used to get down on his knees as I was sitting in a chair, feeling worried, and he would cup my face in his warm hands. He would say, “Hey, what’s this? Everything is OK. We are OK. Right? Hey, we are makin’ it, huh?” Then he would say, “I love you. Let’s not worry anymore.” Papa wanted me to be happy, always happy. His sunshine was mine and mine his.

Papa took care of me. I had to learn to be vulnerable and take the lower seat in our marriage. The devil always taunted me, “Well, what will you do when Jim dies?” My answer was always, “Hurt like hell.” To be vulnerable is to take chances. Ya win some and lose some but that’s the only way to play the game.

Over 30 times, my husband left me as a young wife. Each time I believed he wouldn’t leave again and each time I was crushed when he did. I kept believing God again and again. And one day, God healed Jim and he never left again.

Like Annie said on the phone a few days ago, “Jim stood for something, for home and family.” And ya know, our story has to go on. I have to continue on to honor my husband. Ya know, I wish I could drop dead and go be with Jim. And yet I rather enjoy givin’ the devil problems, ya know?

I don’t think anyone needs anything more lately in our world than courage. Our world is living on nerve pills. I wish I had some myself. But I can’t afford to go pay some doctor almost 100 bucks to tell him I need some nerve pills. Then go spend God knows how much on some pills. I could go to the free clinic but, by the time I sat with crazy people for 2 or 3 hours, I would need more than nerve pills. I would need cocaine — just kidding! No, I don’t give a dang. I am goin’ to honor Jim.

Today I am supposed to have Baby Rose for the day. Oh, she was the love of her Grandpa’s life. Well, Romeo, too, but Rose was like a second Mary Elisabeth to him.

Jim’s life will never die. Jim, through the trials of his own life, gave me to Christ. Jim washed me with the Word of God. He got my attention and I had to have God’s attention. I needed every bit of Jim to come to Jesus. He has been my husband for almost 40 years. I submitted to him as unto the Lord. He was my lord on the earth and Jesus is my Lord forever in heaven. Jim will always be my lord.

I will go on. It will be alright. Jim will live on through me as I pay the bills and do what he did. As I continue to honor my husband through my writings. His last call to the children was, “Take care of your mother.” And I know they will. They are. And I have decided today to be happy and full of courage. Time will heal my broken heart. It will be OK.

“Lord, let me be an example of strength and courage. Let my life for Christ continue to mean something to this wicked generation.”

Love,
Connie

 
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