I am up making coffee this morning. I have to get dressed and get ready to go to the hospital to see Jim. My neighbor Miss Charlotte takes her little granddaughter to school in the morning, so I will ride with her, as she goes past the hospital.

Jim is progressing. I hope they can take the breathing tube out of his mouth today. Then he should be getting out of the intensive care unit.

Christian Joy called last night, crying, as she thought she had more money than she did. So she won’t be able to come to Iowa until the first part of April. I told her that was a good time, anyway, as I didn’t want the kids to all come at once and then all be gone.

My children are such a comfort to me. All of my children have cried and cried. Jimmy didn’t, as he is more stoic. But my children, for the most part, are so expressive and have just bawled over Daddy. And the last conscious words he said to the kids through the oxygen mask was, “You boys take care of your Mother.” Jim is a champion of a man and will be strong for all of us. Our Mary is like a little child for me to hold. I heard her crying down the hall, as she had just heard about Jim and came running to me crying, “Mama.” Oh, those kids!

One funny story before I go. Sunday night, as Jimmy brought me home from the hospital, he stood in the doorway, both feet planted firmly on the ground, as he said, “Well, Mom, I would like to get upset about all of this but I know you wouldn’t have it. The whole time we were growin’ up, you wouldn’t make a big deal of sickness. If Johnny had chopped his arm off, you would have said, ‘Oh it’s ok. It will be alright.’ So I guess you will be ok now.” I laughed and said, “Yes, Jimmy, it will be alright.”

Well, I gotta rock and roll and get dressed, as I just have an hour to get ready. And, yes, all is well.

Jim was very sick last night. I can write a minute before I have to get ready to go to the chiropractor. I told Jim this morning, “Well, no matter how bad last night was, we have to just get up and walk by faith. Just act like all is well.” So I am just cleaning up the house and walkin’ by faith. I asked Jim, I said, “Could you feel my prayers as I prayed?” and he said he could.

Sometimes in the dark, you feel like Jesus asking the Lord why He had forsaken you. But Jesus was breaking the back of Satan when he thought He had no hope. He died a torturous death. He felt that He had no hope and that Satan had the last word. And yet the truth was that He was doing something so revolutionary. He was setting us free from our sins. The devil will lie to ya and make ya fear, too, as he did Jesus. But the truth is that All is Well. Jesus is still on the throne in heaven. Jesus is with us all the time. He neither leaves us or forsakes us. We can get a miracle without knowing it. We only find out later that we had gotten one and right when we thought all was lost and that surely God had forsaken us.

As Jesus cried out, “Lord, why have you forsaken me,” He was dying for my sins and setting me free from the LAWS of Sin and Death. He was taking my place and paying my price for my sins. He never sinned or deserved to be beat and hung on a cross. He was all God and all man. He was the Lamb of God, the perfect sacrifice. He was God’s only son. And He was faithful in the night when He felt all alone. Just like so many of us feel, huh?

But His Cross experience was soon over and He went to heaven to be with the Father. And He had to go. He had a purpose in heaven, too. And he left so that we as believers can do even greater works because He has gone to the Father.

We as believers are to see great healings in Jesus’ name. We are to go to God with our sicknesses. And then He will tell us to go to a doctor or whatever. But He is the Great Physician.

[Note: Jim was admitted into the hospital March 18 with a heart attack. He had a triple by-pass surgery.]

Phillipa from England called me yesterday on the phone and we had a wonderful visit. She told me how she got on our group and it was really a long shot. After I got off the phone, I had such a feeling that I had been visiting with a true child of God. I will say someday, “I knew her when. I knew her when she struggled in her faith but she didn’t give up and she saw His glory. I sensed that she had the faith that will take her for the long haul.”

I had been struggling in myself, wondering if my writings were touching anyone’s heart. Wondering if I was fooling myself into thinking that I did, indeed, have a call from God to do this. And Phillipa told me this. She said that when she and her husband had first had problems, that she felt hopeless. But then a Christian friend gave her a copy of Above Rubies with my testimony in it. And the friend told Phillipa that she should get ahold of our email group. And Phillipa said she was so discouraged but wrote to me a kind of nasty email. Of course, I am such a Lucy on the internet I didn’t know it was nasty. Annie, who is as crazy as I am, forgot to put her on the letters group first as is the usual rule. And she threw Phillipa right into the middle of the circus the response group. Phillipa said she hardly even knew how to work the email on the computer and had barely even had an email and then she got 30 emails all of a sudden. All from our Hen House and Phillipa decided, I guess, to just jump in and hang on. But I guess her story sort of says to me that God has your address and knows how to connect you with believers that will help you.

Phillipa also said that England is such a dark country and so full of sin. And she also said that she barely knew of anyone who homeschooled. I thought home school was a growing movement that was worldwide. But I have another friend, Karen, who lived in England and she said all the same things Phillipa has.

Also I was telling Phillipa about a vision I had the other night. I was praying for our Mary and she is without a phone. And in my prayers, I had a vision of a prophetess from Africa. She said to me, “Connie, don’t worry as Mary is ok.” She said, “I am praying, too, and I have seen you and Mary as I have prayed. Don’t worry — Mary is ok.” Phillipa was telling me about how the Lord is working in Africa and how they see many miracles. But when I got off the phone with Phillipa, I just had this feeling that God has all of our addresses, even though at times we think He can’t even hear our prayers.

But I could just tell that Phillipa is a really solid believer. She sure isn’t a fly by night running on this Christian fad to the next one. She means business with God. And she isn’t messin’ around, playin’ church games. Notice this woman, as she will make it.

And I told Phillipa that we have such a precious group of ladies on this Response Group. I told her, “I don’t think we have a whiner on there” — and I mean we have ladies that have gone through the worst of times. But if some lady writes to me and tells me a terrible story about her life, I don’t worry. I always tell Annie just put her on the group. I just figure the Lord knows His stuff and I am not going to limit Him.

My own life is marked by one miracle to the next. I need a miracle at times to just get up in the morning. And I just figure that I am no one special. And I remember that old song my Gram Juanita used to sing:

It is no secret what God can do.
What He’s done for others
He will do for you.
With arms wide open
He will pardon you.
It is no secret what God can do.

Oh, we have many champions of faith on this group, women who wont let go until they see His glory. I want to name them all. But when I do, I forget some of the ladies and after I push the button SEND, then I remember who I forgot to mention. But you girls know who you are and how much I value your walk in faith.

Good Morning. I am up makin’ coffee and straightening up the house. It is so cold in this house, and my e machine gets cold. So the keys stick and have to be warmed up. So I do some replies to get the keys warmed up and then I do the regular writing. We put our heat down to just over 60 degrees at night. So when I come out here, it is COLD. I have to get warm and my e machine, too.

Sunday I needed to rest so watched this telethon for this Christian channel. Funny? Oh, my mercy! Well, this one Fat Cat was kinda interesting at first. Not scriptural, by any means, but he was good for entertainment. I just wanted to be distracted for a while. So he tells everyone how he gave his money away until he became rich. Well, you know he is tryin’ to hoodwink the sheep into giving him their money. The funny part is, he acts like his audience is money starved monkeys. And if it does, indeed, work to give money and you get all this money back, then why don’t he give more money so he can get more back? And why is he buggin’ the sheep for money? If it’s that easy, what’s he doin’ on TV beggin’?

And ya know, money is not what most people need to make it. When I get down and out, you could throw twenty dollar bills at me all day long and it wouldn’t help me. If I don’t hear from God and if He don’t help me, then no amount of money will help. I mean, some of us do need money but we need a word from the Lord first. If we can get a word from the Lord, then the money will come. But to run out and chase money is the wrong way to go. And, sure, we need an open hand to give and to receive. But this plan of give your money away to the hungry wolf and expect it to return so you can pay the rent. No! And this was a message that started in the 70’s and if it had worked, all of us Christians would be millionaires by now. But all it did in reality was to make the Fat Cats Fatter? So now they are doing good and the believers are gettin’ poorer.

See, the wolves try to get you to think that the more money you have, the more blessed you are. But the word says that some among us suppose that gain is godliness and from such we need to turn away. Jesus was poor and lowly of heart and He is our example. Often when I hear the Cats cry out for their money, I think of Mother Theresa in India. Oh, what an example she has been to me. She was a true servant of God. Who but a true servant like her would drag dying unbelievers out of the sewer to wash them of maggots and tell them of the love of God. Those Cats on TV wouldn’t dirty their hands to do that. They want your money and that is all they want.

Christine, John’s wife, was reading some of my writings and howled with laughter over Jim in the 70’s asking Jim Baker for some money. The last time they were over, we got to laughin’ over that and almost fell off our chairs. Leave it to Jim to beg money from Jim Baker.

See, this teaching starts out with telling the Christians they should have the best house and the best car and the nicest clothes and on and on. So the Cats tell the wife this, too, as often she is there at church without her husband. So the little woman thinks she needs a better job so she can be blessed by God better and be able to give Hungry Fat Cat more money $$. So the preacher has Mother out workin’ her buns off at an outside job so that she can be blessed. It’s a teaching that makes women slaves and they can never relax and be a mother and keeper at home.

Sure, Fat Cat gets more money all the time and he is indeed rich. Ya know why? Because you are driven by the sins of your own lusts and pride and you keep giving him money. And he keeps goin’ with his message because he makes a lot of money at it. But it ain’t all about money. And why not work for your money the old fashioned way? It’s a lot easier and more honest. See, folks are payin’ for a lifestyle and not a life. Many are so in debt and will die that way.

See, it’s not a sin to be poor. Jesus made no reputation for Himself and we shouldn’t, either. He was man enough to be poor and honorable and we should be, too.

All of this debt that some folks live under, just so they can look good, is ridiculous. I barely spend any money because there is little I want. I am happy that I hung onto our home through many trials and now it is paid off. I have something to leave my children so each of our six children will have some money to put down on a house. We want to leave something behind for our kids. And how many times before we remodeled did friends tell me I should move and get a fancy apartment. Well, I could squander my children’s inheritance but I think that would be an ungodly thing to do. And to be poor with dignity and purpose is a rare life these days. But who has enough guts to do that. It takes some strength of character.

Who are you if you have nothing but yourself to offer. I mean without the expensive car? I came from a background of upper middle class. As a child, I had everything. The best of clothes, etc. Dad had a good factory job and always a nice car, boat, and we went on nice summer vacations, etc. But my life was empty and void to me. I needed Jesus and, when I met Him, I got rich.

I call Jim my Million Dollar Baby. I mean, when he was down and out, no amount of money could set him free. But Jesus, my Daddy, heard my cry and He gave Jim deliverance. My rich Daddy Jesus loved me so much and heard my cries for a husband to love me and gently care for me as a Good Shepard here on earth. Jesus knew that I wanted to have children for His glory. Jesus heard my cries and gave me a husband to love me and care and to shelter me. I had no money when Jim got healed. I gave Jesus my life, not my money.

Jesus can’t be paid off like a Mafia gangster, so that you can get your needs met? To pay Fat Cat for protection? I mean, we are children of the Most High God. He is spiritual and we must worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. He asks His followers for no more than He, Himself, gave — His life! He wants our life, rich or poor. And Fat Cat says he wants the money for the Gospel’s sake. And I have never heard some of them preach the gospel. All they preach on is how to give them your money. And they ain’t gonna preach anything else, no matter how much money you throw at them.

Same way with Public Education. Folks think we need to throw out more money for better teachers. And then our kids will be able to read. No, what we need is the truth and this sets the captive free.

One man with the truth will go anywhere in the world without money. I can give my message out for free to anyone. And if I get so full of truth that I out grow my e machine? Then God could take me anywhere He wanted me to go. Sarah never had any money or Mary, Jesus’ Mother. Their lives were so faithful that God Himself published them. God shares His glory with no man. And certainly the gospel won’t be preached according to the money we give away. And the best preachers are the ones who will preach to ya and worry if you have enough money for your own family.

Remember Reverend Aldman in Little House on the Prairie? He cared for his sheep and was poor for their sakes. And this is how all the old time preachers were. And they were always like that in our country, up until about he 70’s and they got ahold of this idea of seed money, etc. But before that, the Christian families gave what they could and preacher was expected to live on that. He and his family were often poor but that made him a good preacher. He suffered with the struggling families in his congregation.

I will never forget Pastor Hawkins. He was Jim’s and my first Shepherd. He was just out of Dallas Seminary and, boy, did God use Jim and me to break this young preacher in. But he went for the ride and hung on for dear life. God Bless him.

He Loves Us

See, your money is not your seed? Money is what the unbeliever lives on in this world. Our seeds are spiritual FAITH prayers. Faith pleases God, not money. God needs our hearts in order to do His work. God’s Word is a system of trade like money. We are to be rich or poor according to our calling in life. It’s not a sin to be rich if God has called you to this place. But if you are poor, then be grateful to be there, too.

Jesus wants our heart. He wants for you to come to Him when you are in need of something. He wants to hear from you. To just throw money at preacher, thinking that God will give you money, is an insult to God. He wants us. He wants our hands and arms and minds and our spirits. He has a plan for us to walk out of the snares and into His light and victory. He wants to give us miracles so that He can be glorified. In our lives, we are to show the world a loving Father God. We are to walk out this love of God to show folks that God loves them.

As women, we won’t be preaching the Gospel. But as we walk in obedience, we move spiritual things around like the wind moves the branches on the trees. We gently care for the baby and we return good for evil to our older children. As we do, we move the hand of God. We move God’s heart and mind. We change His mind by our kindness when we return blessings for evil. But we refuse to walk out Satan’s plan for our life. And in so doing, we move huge rocks in the spirit realm. We break down strongholds and we refuse to believe the lies of the enemy. We choose rather to believe God in the face of injustice toward us. We don’t cry out for our way but His way. We refuse to be taken up with the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches. As we grow as believers, we understand that He is all we need. He satisfies our soul.

I write this out of a spirit of truth and having lived it. Jesus is my heart and soul. I feel as though I have died many times in my soul, and all I am now is Him in me. For I am crucified with Christ nevertheless I live. Yet not I but Christ in me. And the life I now live I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave His life for me. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.

As I was writing this first part, I could feel the Lord’s warm presence upon my back. He said, “Connie, you are my girl. I have never let you down and never will. You love me and me alone and I won’t forsake you. You are my own daughter. I have cared for you all of your life. You haven’t exhausted my resources. You haven’t come to a bend in the road that I don’t know about or have run out of answers for. I am with you even until the ends of the earth.” Oh, His precious presence is so sweet to me this morning. I can feel His Love.

Weeping lasts for the night but JOY comes in the morning. It is a lovely sunny day as I write. Oh, His love always comes to our forsaken souls. We cry out, “Lord, why have you forsaken me?” We forget all of His many miracles as we sit in a darkness surrounded by demons. But He comes quickly to deliver us and gives us His love.

When Jim got up this morning, I was sitting in the chair crying. “What’s wrong?” Jim asked me. I said, “God is giving me such a sweet prophesy. He says I am His girl and that He loves me. And He says that you are my gentle shepherd of love.”

Dear Mothers,

Good Morning. Didn’t ya love the writings Sandra sent in today? And when she described Susannah Wesley, didn’t that give ya courage to go on?

Susannah’s husband was in debtor’s prison a lot of the time. He wasn’t a bad man but he just couldn’t pay his debts. So Susannah was left at home alone much of the time to care for the children. She had 19 children and 10 of them died. I can’t imagine losing 10 children. I think Susannah herself was like the 24th child of her mother’s. Imagine if her Mother had been on birth control — we would have never known Susannah. But through her mother’s obedience and Susannah’s to God, she helped bring revival to England. Just by staying home and teaching her children.

Charles wrote many of the old songs we still sing in our churches today. Then John was the preacher who brought revival. Susannah was methodical in her teachings and helped start the Methodist church. But, wow, she must have had a good sound idea of what heaven was like in order to lose 10 children and still be able to get up in the morning.

That Susannah was made out of more than flesh and blood and skin and bones. She had to be living on the breath of God. Actually, she didn’t know about Salvation through the blood when she was raising her family. She knew the laws of the Bible. But then later on, her son John saw in the word of God about salvation through the blood and she herself became saved, too. But even when she knew only the laws of God, she was faithful to teach her children the truth she had.

I feel like this speaks to me. Because I did my best to raise my children for Jesus. With the truth I had, and always being a day late and a dollar short. Always on the skid like a street rat, at times b.s.-ing my way through when my moxie was long gone … not to mention my faith. But God knows my heart that all I want out of this life is to see my children all love Jesus and to live happy lives with their families. And, no, I don’t know everything like Susannah didn’t, either. But she learned as she went. And through her faithfulness to God to do what she knew to do, she made a difference in her world for His kingdom.

All we mothers are given is a day at a time. Each day we have to do what we know to do. We are human and married.

Ya know, the Bible says that a married woman cares for the things of the world and how she may please her husband. I was never as spiritual as some of my Christian sisters. I see things in my heart and can sense angels about me. But I have never seen angels in the physical, with my physical eyes. But ya know, some of us women almost live two lives. Like one of a married woman and one of a single woman who is given to prayer and spiritual things.

I lived sort of like that for the first 12 years of my marriage. I was a married woman but had no husband. But I gave myself to prayer and was used by God to win souls to Christ. I never ran around with men. I wouldn’t have done that. When Jim left me, then I submitted to him and ministered to others. But I played the part of a single woman who could give herself to prayer and witnessing. And when Jim came home, I abandoned this ministry to live only for Jim and my children.

It is hard to flip back and forth like that and I made many mistakes. But like Susannah, I learned as I went. And I pray the Lord will show me His mercy where I have made mistakes. But we all make mistakes on this road to holiness. And this is what keeps us hallow and heartsick to dwell in His presence.

His anointing can only come as we cry out with an empty heart for His Words. Some of us who have known Him for a long time live only from one touch of His hand to the next touch. We run from one anointing to the next one. And some of us are a gentle mix between that single set apart woman or widow who has given herself only to God and the married woman who has given herself only to her home.

The Imperfect Wife

And, oh, mercy! Ya know, we as Sisters of Wisdom want to get all of our rules and regulations set up and tacked down and then we go on.

I stand here today able to write because my friend Mary L prayed for me yesterday. Married and divorced and remarried. She don’t recommend it and I don’t, either. But having said that, I think some of these divorced and remarried women long so for a marriage and home, that they have something to teach some of is who have never been divorced.

I AM THE IMPERFECT WIFE. I feel like I had been divorced and remarried at times because of what I went through. So, at times, I can somehow let down my net and draw up the divorced wife and the married wife in the same haul. Having been there and done that I guess. Of course, Jim is my first and only husband and I wouldn’t recommend divorcing your mate. But Jim and I were separated many times. And then Jim got saved and we have been happily united now for 26 years. None of my number of years ever add up. Because we will have been married for 40 years at the end of this year. But we had the first few years of marriage that was somewhat peaceful. Then we had 12 years of separations. So I have become a gentle mix of 2 women. I know what it is to be abased and how to abound.

Jim now is the sweetest, most dearest man I know. His love for me and the children is so precious. Jim gives me a peace and a joy. He never pushes me to do more than I can do. I am a dreamer and writer. I need lots of time to pray and be alone with the Lord. And Jim understands this. And yet I wouldn’t ever think of not cooking for him and doing his laundry. Or being here for him to come home to with the coffee hot and a meal on the stove.

Jim loves the babies that came from my womb. My grandbabies are precious to him. We have invested many years of blood, sweat and tears into our marriage. When I lay beside my man at night, I know what is in his heart. When tragic things hit our home, I know what is in his heart and he knows what is in mine. And we work it out in silence, mainly. We don’t want to confess a negative confession over our brood. We plan on God delivering our children and making them whole and sound and in love with God.

Some of our kids are there and some are on their way there. But none will be lost to Satan. Not because Jim and I know what the heck we are doin’. But we love each other, we love our offspring. And we want to do right. And what else is there? We go from where we live and we do what we can to make things honest and right with our children and our world. And as I go along, I think of Susannah Wesley and her life. It wasn’t all perfect but God used her for His glory. I don’t think that any of her daughters were happily married. But out of her 19 children, she lost 10 and I think then she had like 7 daughters and 2 sons left. I think? Anybody know?

I had a book on John Wesley but it didn’t tell a whole lot about his mother. I am just writing from what I remember reading about her in other books. But Sandra will be sending some of Susannah’s writings and I am looking forward to reading them. Maybe, Annie, we could send these writings on to the letters group. And hopefully we can reprint them for the newsletter? You ladies on the letters group can write to me if you want to about this? Would you like the Susannah writings that Sandra will send in?

Love,
Connie

[By subscribing to Sandra's Yahoo group Yesterday's Wisdom you can receive quotes from writings of the past in your inbox.]

Dear Mothers,

Good Morning! This morning I am thinking of the scriptures in Psalms 37:2 Delight thyself also in the Lord and He will give thee the desires of thine heart. Well, I have always felt that this means that, as Believers who have given their hearts to Christ, our deepest desires would be His desires for us. The desires that are deep in our hearts that cause us to chase God with a holy abandonment unto Him. That if these desires are scriptural and are not desires of the flesh, then these are desires from God. The burning desires to glorify God, to me, are desires put on our hearts by God. It is how He leads us and guides us into righteousness.

In our places as Keepers at Home, we have many callings. Also I would couple this teaching with the scriptures in Deuteronomy 28, about the blessings and cursing. How if we obey God then we will be blessed in the city and in the country. Our wombs will be fruitful and our animals and gardens, etc. If we obey God. But if we don’t obey God, then our wombs would be cursed and we will be cursed in our storehouse and our gardens, etc. Funny, though, how the Word of God never says this is just for young people. I think what the Lord is saying is either you are fruitful or you aren’t.

The spirit of barrenness in a home can come to a young family or an old couple. But our society is so out of whack with the word of God. It’s like when a Mother gets her children raised, then it is time to seek your fortune. But none of this is in the word of God. It seems from God’s viewpoint, either you are fruitful or barren. Either you are cursed or blessed. Either you are obedient or disobedient. To get too old to work, but just young enough to just sit and watch TV, doesn’t seem to be in the Bible. Either you are cursed or blessed. No one in the Bible retired. Well, that’s good as Jim and I will never do that, anyway. And ya never hear of the saints of old goin’ to the doctor, either. Well, that’s good as we can’t do that, either. But we can be like the saints of old.

Sarah was beautiful even in her old age. She was strong and she had a tender heart. She followed Abraham wherever he went. She was so lovely in her old age that her husband was afraid when the king wanted to buy her. He was afraid someone would kill him just to have Sarah. So he lied and said she was his sister.I mean, this old girl never lost her place on the stage! She packed a crowd wherever she went and got put by God in the hall of fame and faith (Hebrews 11). Even if she was a woman, she didn’t have to claw herself to the top. She got to the top, to God’s heart, by going with the desires of her heart. Barren all of her life, she did so long to have a son. Oh, mercy, that spirit of barrenness is a spirit of death that locks a woman into a cold to the bone silence. Sarai was barren — when God called her she, at first, was contentious and too bitter to do the will of God. But then she changed her mind and became a submissive wife. She came to this place of having a baby in her old age kickin’ and screamin’ but, in the end, she submitted to God and to her husband.

God calls barren women to do His bidding because they have nothing in themselves to be proud of. I had written down all of the barren women in the Bible God used, but now I can’t find my list. And, as always, I am in a hurry. But I think there were about 8 or 9. Sarah, Rebekah, and Samson’s Mother were barren. Hannah and Mary and Elisabeth. Actually, all the women God used to have children were barren.

The Word says that He causes the barren woman to be fruitful and to be a joyful keeper at home. The Joy is to come at home. The miracles are to come out of Mother’s place at home. The supernatural is to come out of the Mother’s home. In the word of God, this is so. Noami bowed out of her place to conceive a child as she said she had no husband. She never said “I am too old to have a child.”

Dear Mothers,

Good Morning. I am up makin’ coffee and doing a bit of housework.

Yesterday we went to Wal-Mart and, wow, they have some really cute plastic tablecloths. And with place mats to match. The tablecloths are just 4 bucks, and the place mats that I liked were 2 for a buck. I got the design with chickens on it and signs that said “Eggs for Sale” and various other old-timey farm signs. “Fresh Butter Sold Here.” Ya know, the old-time mothers used to use oilcloth on their tables. Well, the plastic tablecloths remind me of these. But many mothers still used the cloth tablecloths and put place mats down to catch the messes.

As Jim and I drove through town, Jim noticed the gas prices goin’ up. Everything seems to be goin’ up in price. Ya know, Ken Copeland was good on TV a few days ago. He was talkin’ about how we don’t live from a paycheck but from the Word of God. Boy, that is right on. I mean, you have to follow the rules of the Bible and the husband has to work. But whatever honest work he does is good work to the Lord. Proverbs says that there is profit in all labor.

I had a friend Linda who was dirt poor. They lived on this farm and she worked like a dog. Her husband did, too, but he didn’t bring much of a cash flow into the house. But we Christians worried about Linda and her family all the time. Wondering if they were even warm at night. But they kept on goin’ and never lost their family. They just kept on workin’ at whatever they saw to do. She stayed at home and cared for the children and the home. She lived off the land as best she could. I will never forget rolling into her dirt driveway and seeing her clothesline. Man, that thing told it all. It fell in the middle and nothin’ was hardly holdin’ it up. And, oh, I needed to see that at the time. She had such a brave heart. I was about her age and, oh, I was struggling with raising my own children. And the money was never there for me when I needed it. Anyway, Linda told me that day over coffee, “Well, we sure could go on Welfare but we won’t.” And I thought, “Mercy, these people have a lot less then the people on Welfare but they are roughin’ it out with their faith.” She gave me such courage to go on. I didn’t get to see her much but always ask friends about her. That woman was stouthearted for sure. And we mothers had better be stouthearted, too.

Jim tells me, “Now, Connie, if I get sick or anything, don’t call an ambulance — we can’t afford that. If I am gonna die, I want to die here.” I always tell him to knock it off. I can just see me gettin’ time in prison for not calling an ambulance. He gets Social Security but told them he couldn’t afford Medicare, as they would take out about 80 bucks. Well, of course Social Security is not enough to live on, so he works too. What a wild cowboy! And I get stuff in the mail tellin’ me that because I hadn’t worked enough in my life that I will get not Social Security and no Medicare. So. Miss Charlotte and I laugh about me dyin’ in the street. She says when she gets old and we are widows that she will share her Social Security with me. I mean, ya may as well laugh, Darlin’.

I mean this stuff in our country about health care is unreal. All of my kids run around with no health insurance except for Jimmy and Betsy (Mary). Either John or Christine or David or I have an ongoing toothache that we can’t afford to do anything about. But we live by faith and not by sight. We have to learn to live on the Word of God, that He will meet our needs according to His riches in glory. We must walk by faith and not by sight.

I hate writing on faith! It’s so much work. To live by faith is hard enough. But to have to write about it is hard, too. It’s kinda like not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. It’s easier to stay in a comfort zone and complain. But we are children of faith and God is expecting some of us to live by faith. Living by faith don’t mean quitting your job and hoodwinkin’ sorry Christians into givin’ you money.

Ya know, when Jim and I moved into this house, it was awful. Well, we moved here thinking that we would remodel. But then Jim and I separated. I was 7 months pregnant. So I wasn’t gonna get a lot done. And when I brought my baby home from the hospital, I had no help. And the furnace went off in the coldest day of the year. And the electricity kept going off. There were days I prayed to die. But faith was the victory that overcame my world.

On the cross, Jesus broke the laws of sin and death. We as believers don’t have to go by the laws of sin and death. Not in this life or in the life to come. We don’t have to have common sense and react to the troubles going on around us. We are to react to the Spirit of God. If God says in His word that He has supplied all of our needs according to His riches in glory, then He has. So we bank on His word as being the truth. More the truth than the laws of the natural flesh and blood stuff around us.

So here I am in this broken down house with a new baby and another child to care for. Each morning as I got up, I had to face problems with the house. The plumbing was bad, too. But the Lord’s presence was with me, and He said, “Connie, walk by faith and see this house remodeled. Clean and cook and go on as if the house is remodeled.” So my faith job was to get up each morning and see my house remodeled. To go on about my business sending my son to school and caring for my baby and vacuuming and doing the dishes.

I had bought a house. I had nothing but I had bought a house and now it was up to me to inhabit it with courage. Oh, I didn’t want to. I wanted to lay on the couch and cry. But I had to get up and go about my Father’s business. I had to prove the Word of God in my life. And I fought the good fight of faith and didn’t give up. And in the first year, my house I had paid 150 bucks down on turned a profit and was worth twice as much money after I had lived there a year.

But, see, faith is a fight. We have to fight the good fight of faith with all the spiritual muscles we have. And sometimes we scare the relatives and neighbors with our fight. Well don’t get around the relatives and neighbors that bring your faith down.

Anyway, I had to get up each morning when I was pregnant and look at the torn wallpaper that hung in strips. I just ripped it the rest of the way off and went on. I began to see the house as remodeled and lookin’ nice. And this took the fear out of me. Because, ya see, the fear is what will take ya down and make you come against your own faith.

Fear is your enemy and it is powerful like faith. Fear is the opposing force from Satan. But, see, you have to stay in your faith and in the word of God. The stuff in the physical that is going on around you is the truth. It is a truth! But the Word of God is a truth that can own the truth of the physical things going on. See, everything around you on this earth is subject to change. But the sure Word of God is never going to change. He is the same yesterday today and forever. He and His Word is the ultimate truth.

We can have miracles on earth as they are in Heaven. See, Satan has a plan and he leads his victims through the fear and panic. He has a plan and will lead you to a pit with your panic. This is his plan for your life. He gets you to fear and then he runs you into confusion. And you cry out to God, “I don’t know what to do!” Well, you don’t know what to do because of the fear. And the fear, you think, is true and a reality. You think that what you fear is the truth. But the fear is not true — it is the lie that confuses you.

Satan’s signs and signals are always FEAR. Satan is an anointed angel that preaches an off the wall gospel. Make no mistake — he is an anointed angel and will trick you in a heartbeat. You have no defense against him and he will take you down. You are no match for Satan. But Jesus is the match. Cast yourself upon Him.

We have to take each fear thought captive and nail it down with the truth from the Word of God and of Faith. Faith is the victory that overcomes the world. Faith overcomes sickness and disease and poverty and wayward family members. Only believe the Word of God. And then act on the Word.

You gotta act on the word of faith. If your husband is wayward and missing in action, claim the Word that says, “What God has joined together let not Man (woman) put asunder.” Get this scripture and nail it to the wall and read it all day as you pass it on the way to the bathroom or wherever. This is God’s word and God promises that if you will believe His Word, then it will happen. Sounds simple enough but this is the teachings of the scriptures.

We must believe God over the lies of Satan. Satan will tell you that your husband will never come back home and that this woman has him forever. But don’t believe the devil and act on his anointing of fear. Satan is trying to lead you to total destruction. And if you let him have your husband, he will go for your kids and for you and he will take you all down. Don’t give him an inch. Fight him with your faith. Pray and believe the word of God. Spend time in the Word and demand your mind to quit fearing.

Fight … fight the good fight of faith, then get up and put some physical muscle to your faith. Turn your body toward the faith walk. Start fixing a meal for your husband to come home to. Set a place for him at the table. And say to Satan, “Bless God, I am believin’ for a miracle. You won’t have my family, devil, I am believin’ God. And anything I ask in Jesus’ Name, I receive. Nothing is impossible with God. You won’t have me, devil — I am the property of Jesus Christ.”

We as believers will go nowhere fast if we don’t know how to get ahold of God and not let up until we see His glory. We have to fight devils and bring down strongholds with our FAITH.

Satan cannot own us unless we let him. With any fear at all, you need to stop whatever you are doing and get your Bible out and find the scripture that will oppose the fear. Fear is ALWAYS a spirit of Satan. And this is how he leads a person to a trap where they can get loaded up with more fear.

We as believers are children of God. He is a supernatural God. And He expects us to walk in the Spirit and not fulfill the plans of the flesh. We are to be long suffering as we wait upon Him to answer our prayers. But we need to stand with our lamps full of oil and wait for His answers. We are to be faithful women who know how to suffer in victory. Knowing that our answer is coming. We are to work on it by cooking meals that your wayward husband has told you he won’t be home to eat. And yet God’s word tells you that a man should dwell with his wife according to knowledge. We are to cast down vain images in our minds and any fear truth that would come against the truth of His word. We must walk out the answers to our own prayers.

You don’t need to be confused and ask God what you should do. The Word covers every problem. It is the answer to our lives. The fear is the confusion that keeps you asking God what you should do. Have faith in God. See things with the spirit God has given you. God speaks to your Spirit. Satan rules in the flesh and the lust of the flesh. He is the prince of the power of the Air — he is a disease or like a virus in the air. And sometimes the air around you is full of FEAR. And Satan is ruling this air with fear. And telling you what to do through the voice of fear. But cast him out.

See the answer to your prayers and walk in faith. So as a young mom, I had to get up each day and take authority over my mind. I wanted to sit down and cry and give up. But I had children to raise and a husband to pray home. So I had to walk in my broken down house as if all was well. I had to believe that I had what I had asked for. This was my map.

See, as the times get worse in our world, we must learn to live by faith. The devil will stack the evil circumstances about us to watch us squirm. But we don’t have to watch him. We are called to be about our Father’s business. All that is, is making sure that you keep the fear out of your heart and that you walk by faith.

Faith is an active word and not an abstract thought. If your faith isn’t producing an action in your life, then you don’t have a God kind of faith. Your faith must WORK. It must move. It must run. It must tell you what to do. It is a leading of the Spirit. It is a mouth who calls things that are not as though it is. It is a faith that gives you the power to fix a meal by faith that your husband will be there to eat it.

One time, I was so down and God says, “Connie, get up and fix a meal for Jim — he will be home to eat it.” So I got on a nice outfit someone had given me. I got my broken down house all fixed up and had a nice meal. And ya know what? My husband didn’t come home? No he didn’t. And God told me, “You do it again.” Next night and I did. Nothing happened. So the next night, I did it again and kept doing it every night. And I didn’t give up. I wanted to give up. But I had decided not to. I was gonna believe God. And I think it was probably 2 weeks that I believed God each day for a Victory and finally Wild Man came home. This was almost 30 years ago. And now, of course, Jim is always with me.

God gave me many victories back then as I prayed and believed God over what I could see or think or feel. My problem back in the old days was that though I could get the faith to believe God, I wouldn’t keep it. The least little thing would go wrong and I would fall apart. I was young and impatient to see the Lord work. But I got stronger and stronger in my faith as I went. And I learned to put my faith on the line and not give up when Satan would try to scare the hell out of me.

But, see, any fear at all is a sin. Satan may scare you about finances and then get you to allow the spirit of fear to come in. Or you may fear about some small thing or another that you think is not important. But, see, Satan is always tryin’ to get into your house to bring it down. So don’t ever confess a fear. Don’t say, “I am afraid I will catch the flu” or any other statement of fear. Don’t let fear rule you in any way. Because fear, when it comes, won’t JUST bring sickness or whatever. It is a spirit of EVIL and it will bring many diseases with it. It will bring a confusion to the family, a disorder and rebellion concerning the children. A spirit of fear will bring death and destruction. Satan comes to kill steal and destroy. And if you as Mother let the fear in, then you are inviting Satan into your home.

Years ago, Satan tried to take over in my house when we had bats. I was afraid to come out here in the dining room to write. I finally saw this and quit fearing and we didn’t have any more bats. But those bats know if you are afraid and will dive right at ya.

Just as you would chase a dirty hog out of your house with a stick, you should chase any demons of fear out, too. We as Christian Mothers must live by faith. We must confess faith and move by faith. We must take on the whole armor of God as told to us in Ephesians 6. And having done all to stand, we must stand. We must stand in faith and not back down. We must walk with God and let the faith of God be as fresh manna each morning. “Lord, how would You have me walk in faith today?” And let Him guide you with faith.

Faith is sweet and gives you strength to work at home. Faith produces hope and love and JOY and an anointing of strength. If you don’t have this, then your faith isn’t working. Jesus comes to give us life abundantly.

It’s hard to lay down our sour attitudes of self pity and to take up our shield of faith. But, Girlfriend, we ain’t goin’ anywhere until we get up and walk out our faith.

And don’t say you don’t have any faith. We are all given a measure of faith. We have enough faith to cover anything we are to go through as believers.

Why did it take me 12 years to get a solid marriage and for my faith to work? Well, it was because I was on again and off again. I could hang on for a while but then the fear would come. And I was as strong in FEAR as I was in FAITH. Some of us are very spiritual as we have had to be that way. And when we are good, we are very, very good and when we are bad, we are horrid. And my faith would go back and forth over the years. Jim said he felt like a yo-yo going from one thing to the other. But, see, we as believers go to God for those who can’t. Jim didn’t know the Lord and was depending on me. And I was like Lucy in the spirit realm. Either I was full of faith and could believe for anything or I could about call Satan out of the abyss. I kept the spirit realm continually bustling. And what I needed to do was to learn to aim my spiritual gun and hit the target of God. And to keep my gun aimed at the enemy. But I was all over the place for that 12 years. I didn’t have someone’s testimony to read. I didn’t know what you all know. I was an accident going some place. But as I went, I got stronger and stronger. I learned that this spiritual stuff was REAL. And it was life and death. And I couldn’t play with the things of the spirit.

Church began to confuse me to no end. Religion mixed me up to total distraction. See, in the Bible the well family member always went to prayer for the demon possessed. Many men are demon inspired, especially adulterous ones. They can’t get lose and they need a Holy Ghost inspired devil punchin’ wife to pray them through. And God has given you the faith, Darlin’, but you aren’t using it. Quit playin’ church and get busy with the things of God. Get your Bible out and read the promises and stand on them as if it were life and death, as it is life and death.

I wouldn’t be here right now had I not known how to believe God. Even if I was a slow learner? I learned! Better late than NEVER.

Let God lead you out of the Hell you are in. He will lead with the map of faith. Get up out of the ash heap of grief and move to victory. Jesus Christ and His faith is the Victory that overcame the world. Jesus don’t have to react to sin and you don’t, either. You can react to faith. Clean your mind out with faith. Walk as though you have the victory. Believe to receive!

Dear Sisters of Wisdom,

Good Morning. Thank you for your prayers last night. Jim and I slept better. PTL. I have so much to be thankful for. Well, we all do.

Yesterday afternoon, John and Christine and little Romeo, age 3, came for dinner. Oh, we had fun. Christine has been reading our newsletter and she loves it. So we were laughing about that. She knows Jim, so some of the things I write about Jim are extra funny to her. Then she is married to John and so she can relate to all the things I write about him.

One year, Christine got John firecrackers for Christmas. Enough to last him the whole year? John took them all and taped them together with duct tape and blew them all up together. Wow, Christine was mad! She had spent a lot of time picking out all of these neat firecrackers and, in an instant, they were gone.

Also last night, John was talking about when he had run all over the country at 17. He was walking across Golden Gate bridge in California? And called us on the suicide phone on the bridge. Believe me, John wasn’t going to commit suicide but thought it would be fun to call home on the phone over an ocean.

Anyway, we all laughed and had a fun time last night. Jim got the VCR tape “Herbie Goes Bananas.” Jim watched it with Romeo in the living room. John and Christine and I mostly visited. Romeo loves that show. Well, so does Grandpa. I fixed spaghetti for dinner and we had a big fresh salad. It was really good. Then Christine and I had a bowl of peaches with the fresh yogurt I had made. I haven’t made bread lately — I hope maybe I can today.

After the kids left here, they were going to our library up town. Christine wanted John to help her to get to the Happy Housewifery website on the library computer. Their home computer broke so they hope to get a new one someday? But Christine seems to love my writing and is such a cheerleader for me.

Bless her heart, she is a precious wife and mother. Both John and Christine can hardly wait to have another baby. They are both so full of fun. This house just rocks with JOY when John’s family comes to visit. John is really easy goin’ and funny. Christine is more of a firecracker personality. That’s why we all love her.

David and Tiff and John and Christine just sorta laugh and joke as they go. Both couples are bubbly and witty. They love to tell funny stories. David and Tiff take care of these apartments where they live. So they have plenty of funny stories to tell about the tenants. The apartments are new and nice and the kids do a good job with taking care of them. But tenants want David and Tiff to referee fights between their little children and you can imagine the crazy things people come up with. David and Tiff always have a funny story to tell.

When the grandchildren get together, Romeo and Baby Rose, oh, they do all kinds of things. They are like watching the old Little Rascals shows. At 2 and 3 years old, they are very smart.

Baby Rose calls Jim “Grandpa Jim.” Monday, when she came to visit, she says, “Grandma, you be Grandpa Jim and I will be Connie.” At the grocery store, if Jim goes to another aisle, she will yell out for “Grandpa Jim.” We always get a grocery cart with the car at the bottom so she can drive the cart. Oh, I am so happy to push that thing around the store. I will say to Jim when I know Baby is listening, “Look, Grandpa, at how fast that child can drive this car!” And Baby will start turning both of the steering wheels as fast as she can go, to get more attention.

I can just get lost and taken up in a cloud of Joy when my grandbabies are around me. Baby Rose, as she enters our house, will say, “This is my house, too” because I always have her toys out and I never put them away. I have her little kitchen set in my living room and this is where it has been for a few weeks. I will leave it there until this summer. I don’t want my house to look like children haven’t been here.

On With the Show

My house is loaded with children’s books. Jim and I like to collect nice books for Romeo about cars and the big trucks. Both of the grandchildren enjoy books. I have crayolas out and color books where they can get to them.

I let them play the piano until the men get tired of it and make them stop. The noise doesn’t bother me.

Being a writer, I have books and papers everywhere. So I have to quick stack them out of sight when the children come. I have plenty of stacks of books and papers in back of the couch. In the winter, I pull the couch forward to be close to the kerosene burner. But in the summer, I put the couch back against the wall. So I am always stacking and re-stacking papers and books.

Baby Rose loved all of her Christmas books that we had out at Christmas. So she still wants me to read them and sing Christmas songs. The Micky Mouse Christmas book is her favorite. I keep trying to hide it away so she can get on to the next season but she manages to find Mickey Mouse, no matter where he is. And I have taught her to say, “On with the Show” in a high pitched voice, like Mickey says it? And my neighbor and friend Charlotte says, “Connie, that is the story of your life — ‘On with the Show.’ No matter what happens, you go on with the show.”

And that is what we all have to do, Ladies, today is “Go on with the Show.” There are dishes to wash and meals to plan for. This month, I have about five birthdays to think about for the family. Life seems to stop for some of the family. But the rest of the family needs the love and nourishment of Joy and peace.

Our lives go in seasons and, as Grandmothers, we rise and fall with each of our children and grandbabies. I am sad for Mary and Brandon this morning and yet, I have to be happy for some of my other children who are happy right now. To keep the show on the road, to keep the dinner plates juggling and not break any. To hold the tigers, lions, and bears at bay with a whip. To be a funny laughing clown with a red rubber nose. To ride a horse, bareback, standing up and jumping through fiery hoops? All of this to maintain my seeds and to bring my children to Christ. They are comin’.

Oh, yes, the Lord gives me many victories. Each day is a day to “Go on with the Show.” To make another meal, to pray I can make it through. Sometimes the victory comes to me a moment only before the kids hit the door with “We’re Here.” But the victories come. The faith and anointing comes. And each day is new.

Aunt Toot used to tell me, when the kids were young and always funny, doing tricks and lighting firecrackers, “Connie, you should take these kids and go on the road.” Well, I guess I did somehow do that, huh? I have taken ‘em with me to the world of the internet. And they have multiplied and gone beyond the first 6. And they have brought home mates who are just as funny as they are. And now we can all say together, “No matter what, On With the Show.”

The Show must go on, no matter what, the show must go on. Through broken hearts and hearts aflame with fear, we must go on and keep doin’ what we know to do. To do what is before us and to keep being faithful in the dark, as we were in the light. For the Lord Jesus is runnin’ this Dog and Pony Show and, thank the Lord, we know that He knows what He is doing. I don’t know what I am doing but He does. And He is the mighty deliverer and He has been here before and knows the end from the beginning. And like I always say about the rapture. I don’t know if it will come before or after the Great Tribulation but all I know is I am goin’ with Him no matter when He goes. When I hear Him come, I am gettin’ my stuff ready and I am goin’ with Him. It’s His show and His anointing. He is the author and finisher of my faith. Not my will but Thine.

So, Sisters of Wisdom, get your best dresses on and a pretty apron and let’s “Go on with the Show.”

Dear Mothers,

Oh, wow! Reading the emails on the response group this morning was like reading from the faith chapter in the Bible, Hebrews 11. Wow, some of these ladies have such great faith. Their testimonies are so priceless. We just don’t have many whiners on our group. I mean there are strong wives and mothers on there that just don’t give up. And our Mary, age 20, is like that, too.

Brandon gets really sick but keeps going to work — I mean if he can. Well, he got a good paycheck just lately and lost it? It fell out of his pocket? Oh, the weeping and wailing those kids did when they saw that their money was lost. About everything was depending on it. But I told Mary, I said, “Betsy (nickname), everyone makes mistakes. Some people bottom out and have to live with another family.” But Brandon has had a good job since he was about 18. It’s hard for him to give up and he won’t. Mary did finally go to a mission yesterday for food. Of course, they could come here to eat but don’t have the gas to get here most of the time. And they don’t want to take from us. Of course, as her, mom I want her here for every meal but she thinks she needs to go it alone with her husband. Wonder where she gets such ideas. But when you are as sick as Brandon, you just kinda stumble along. Both of them are sick, really. She looks to me like she has bronchitis. But they keep on goin’.

I said, “Mary, are you reading your Bible?” and she says, “Yes, Mom, I read the KJV and the Good News Bible. And The Way Bible and Brandon’s Bible and all the Bibles I can get my hands on.” Yes, sounds like a chip off the ol’ block. I used to go to bed with my Bibles. I slept with a big Bible that weighed about 15 pounds. I said “Mary, do you rebuke the devil and claim the blood of Jesus? Do ya scream the blood of Jesus all over the house? Do ya claim it over every door post and every window?” “Yes, Mom, I do. I claim His healing power.”

Jim prays over Mary when she comes, and I pray and pray over her. Betsy and Brandon grieve still over the loss of the Baby. I told her last night, “Betsy, I had a nervous breakdown when I was about 28.” I said “Things happen, Nina (nickname).” I said, “Nina, when you call me and I pray, do you feel any different?” She says, “Yes, Mom, I do.”

Our routine goes like this. Betsy runs at me with fear and I pray in faith and then fall apart. Then get back up. Then she goes back to her life and is fine for a while and keeps her faith. I don’t get to see her when she is ok. I only get to see her when she is running at me with a prayer request. She barely gets from me what she needs and rides on it for a while, a few days. Well, until she falls again. Her fear is that Brandon will die and she will lose him as she did the baby. I said, “Betsy, God is healing Brandon even now, and you have so much. You have Brandon’s love.” Oh, Brandon loves his Mary. He can be a rascal but, oh, he loves Mary and she loves him. I told Betsy, “You have the basics. Brandon loves you.”

Brandon has Chrone’s and it acts up when his nerves are set off. Losing that money was not good. I told Betsy, “Honey, it is just a setback. That’s all it is.” See, we prayed so hard that he could work. And he did and then he gets the paycheck and lost it. He took the whole wad of money and stuck it in his pocket after cashing his check. But the guy is so sick, it’s not a wonder he lost the money. They have more money coming and we pray it will come today in the mail. But I said, “Betsy, just keep on goin’. I am Mom. I am.”

But if I seem lately that I am full of holes and sorrow, it is only because I am? I am sorry I haven’t read the emails much. I am just skimming over them. I am a wounded soldier, as many of you on here are. I am holding up a banner of faith with every bit of strength I have. And I am in a familiar spot. If God Himself does not rescue me, then I will surely die of a broken heart. No one can save me but Him alone.

Oh, Mercy. Life can be so funny. I mean, I am always hanging over a HOT fiery pit. Boiled in oil and hanging from a noose. Getting burned at a stake wouldn’t bother me. It’s my life! Why I am afraid to start a Revolution is beyond me. I may as well — things can’t get worse, I wouldn’t think. I mean, what else could happen? Oh, goodness gracious mercy sakes alive!

So, anyway, today I will go on. Ya know, when your life is just bottomed out, it’s fun to walk by faith. To cast down vain imaginations and everything that exalts itself above the knowledge of God.

When we are brokenhearted, the devil tries to master our imaginings and control it, so he can make worse things happen. He has a plan to destroy our lives. But we have to reprogram our minds to the word of God. When my e machine acts up, I have to just unplug it and start again. And that’s what we have to do with our imaginings. We have to forsake our heartaches and give them to God and make ourselves a miracle. We have to start walking toward the answer to prayer.

This mornin’ as I laid beside Jim in bed, heck, I wanted to sleep forever and I didn’t want to get up. But I got up by faith and came out here and started some housework. Then I read my emails and, oh, the faith some of you have. Bravo. I am so proud of you women of faith and courage. I long to be your cheerleader. You haven’t given up and taken a dive and forsaken the Lord. The angels rejoice over you. They sing praises to God because of you and your walk of faith. I cheer you on, even now as I write. You go, girlfriend. Give the devil hell by walking in faith.

Actually, I told the devil last night in prayer, “Ya know, God always delivers me and my family. Ya better let go of Brandon, as you are only building us another testimony.” Satan tried to kill me, when I was first married, so many times. He was tryin’ to get rid of me as he knew I would write a book. Well, probably many books when I get a breath. When I can get over being boiled in oil. ‘Scuse me? As I went through hell, I used to think, “I am gonna write a book about this some day.” I mean, how I had the faith at the time to even think that is beyond me. I mean, I should have been tattooed all over my body with “Born to Lose.” Wild Man had that tattooed on him when I met him. He did the tattoo himself. Well, bless his heart!

Anyway, ya know, when Satan has ya down, just do the opposite of what ya wanna do. Walk in faith and upset the devil’s plans.

Well, it’s gettin’ busy here so I better blast!

Dear Kitchen Saints,

Good Morning! We will get to have Baby Rose today and we are happy about that. David and Tiff take care of an apartment complex. David does most of the work but Tiff needs to help clean today. Tiff has become a stay at home mother. I am so happy about this. We still help out with Baby Rose about once a week. David is learning to repair the appliances at the apartments and does remodeling, etc. So the kids are doing good. Tiff does paperwork and has an office at home. But she can care for Baby and does a good job.

Anyway, I am making chili for the day. It’s only 6:30 and I am making soup. I don’t make it hot and Baby will eat it, too. Also I have made some fresh yogurt and it’s nice and thick. Jim will buy some fresh fruit and we will have the yogurt. My favorite would be a can of stewed peaches with bananas and the yogurt on the top.

I think if I could give you one household tip that has helped me a lot through the years it would be to get up early in the morning and start a meal for the day. I used to always do that when all the children were home. This way, if your day gets busy, then you always have a meal ready and you don’t have to think about it. And often on a Saturday, if we had to do errands, we most always took the kids with us. Well, of course they are hungry right when ya get home at noon. And I think often if we have a meal on the stove, then the family doesn’t resort to junk food or fast food.

One quick meal I used to make for the family that is simple is just Sloppy Joes. I would just fry up a pound of hamburger and drain it and put in a can of tomato soup. My kids liked it just plain like that. Or you could add mustard, onions, green pepper, and spices. Also, for another meal, I would just fry hamburger and drain it. I would cook it in my big cast iron dutch oven with the bale handle. Then I would add vegetables, whatever I had. And over the top I would pour a can of tomato soup or any soup I had. I would dilute it with water, about 3 cans of water. Then just put this back in the oven and let it bake on low. This way, if you have to go to the store or whatever, then you have a nice comfort food to come back home to.

My grown children miss these soups and stews and often talk about them. Dan says he doesn’t like for me to make soup in the crock pot as he is used to the big black pot on the stove. Cast iron does give food a different flavor. I like it, too.

And then I always had homemade bread to eat our meals with. If it wasn’t a yeast bread, I would make baking powder biscuits, cornbread, or a quick bread. Peanut Butter Bread was good. I haven’t made that in a long time. The quick breads are easy to make. I loved them, as I didn’t get out my mixer for these as you just stir them up like you would muffins.

I enjoy stirring things up in my bowl with a favorite spoon. I have a nice collection of crock bowls and also I collect the speckled enamel spoons. I have all sizes and I have the blues, blacks, and reds. This is what I enjoy looking for at garage sales in the warmer months. I don’t like to get an electric mixer out when the family is all home as you can’t hear anything when it is on. Also you can’t cook and mix things up and talk at the same time. I like to visit and teach my daughters and daughter in laws what I am doing as I cook. And they give me some modern tips, too, which I love.

One of my favorite kitchen chores is when Papa and me are here alone in the evening. And I will stand in the kitchen by myself and stir gravy. If it’s quiet in the house, I love to stir gravy on the stove. But if the house is busy and I have to run back and forth, I don’t enjoy the stirring. It’s too hectic. With gravy, you have to stand there and stir and if ya don’t it will get lumpy. After I fry meat, I just add about a fourth cup of flour to the skillet. I smash it in with my spoon. Then I add about 3 cups of milk or water and stir.

Here’s a story I don’t know if I told you all yet and it I was so funny.

Well, when the kids were all home, I had a hard time keepin’ food on the table and the kids all fed. Anyway, I had decided to buy a beef roast. It was small but all meat and I planned to slice it thin so we would all have a small slice. I had made mashed potatoes and gravy and it was a nice meal. So at the last, I called the kids to get the milk on and to help set the table. So I put the roast on a nice plate and began to slice it. I took a little piece of fat off and laid it beside the plate and decided I needed a sharper knife. So John was about 12 and was standing near me. And I said to him, “Here, John, give this to the dog,” meaning the little piece of fat I had stuck beside the plate. John misunderstood, as he is a dreamer and an artist, and he gave the family beef roast to the dog. So I go to the kitchen to get the sharper knife and come back to cut the meat and it was gone?

I was hysterical! I am like, “Where is the meat?” John’s answer was, “Well, Mom, you said to give it to the dog.” I was at the table standing and I turned around to see if Jim heard this. I thought, “He will kill the boy.” I mean, we rarely had a piece of meat and now it is gone. Well, our dog Daisey loved it — she ate the whole thing in no time. But here I am, with all the fixings for a beef roast, and we have no meat in the platter. I just went in the living room and told Jim, “John accidentally gave the dog our dinner.” He took it well and didn’t kill John. It’s a wonder! But, anyway, we just ate the potatoes and gravy and went on our way. What a scream!

Then after that, about a month later, I was fixing a small chunk of ham in the oven with potatoes and carrots. I was checking the dinner and had it on the oven door. Daisey came along and snuck the ham out of the roasting pan. But I caught her and yanked it back out of her mouth and washed the ham off and put it back in the pot. I thought, “I am not goin’ through that again.” I didn’t tell the family what I did. They would have killed me! We fed our dog and she didn’t need to do that stuff. She was fat and healthy and lived to be 15 yrs old. But she was half pig and loved to eat. But back then, in the old days, tryin’ to keep food on the table was an all day occupation.

One time we were goin’ to visit Jim’s sister for the day. We were to be gone the whole day. I told John to change the cat litter as we had two cats. Well, I had put the cat litter outside as it had stunk. But I wanted fresh litter in the pan before we left for our trip. So John goes out and empties the cat litter and fills it with new litter. On the way up to Aunt Mary’s house, my mind is racing and hoping we turned out all the lights in the house, etc. etc. So I am asking the kids, “Did you do this and that as I had told you?” Then I ask John if he had done what he was to do with the cat litter. Then fear grips my heart. “Now, John, you brought the cat litter in the house for the cats — you didn’t leave it outside, did you?” He says, “Well, the cat litter box was outside, so I cleaned it out and left it out there.” So the cats were inside and the cat litter was outside for the day.

This was a regular life for me when I was raising John. He was always dreaming of firecrackers and inventions. He is a wonderful artist. The boy can fix anything. But he tried my patience as his mother. He wouldn’t wear underwear to school under his jeans, as he said Indians didn’t wear underwear. I told him, “Well, this Indian will.”

In the evening, a lot of times before I had the kids to come in to help with supper, all the neighbor kids would come over and play hide and seek with our kids. So the house would be kinda quiet in the late afternoon. So Jim would be watchin’ TV and I would run into Jim and say, “Honey, MUTE the TV — I think I heard the kids on the roof.” So Jim would quick mute the TV and we would stand in silence.

Joys of Housewifery

So, anyway, we would try to catch the kids on the roof and then get after them. Jim would holler, “This is why my roof is always leakin’ because of you kids getting on the roof!” Our kids and the neighbor kids. Boy, Jim would he be mad.

Another time, my nerves were shot tryin’ to keep up with my kids. So I got up really early one summer morning and just decided to go outside with my cup of coffee and look at the garden in peace, as I thought all the kids were sleeping. So I barely got out the door and was heading for the garden and a lit firecracker exploded right in front of me. Jimmy had gotten up early and was lighting firecrackers and throwin’ them over the house. He didn’t know I was in the back yard.

Well, I should have known better than to have four boys. What was I thinking? We had two girls, too, thank the Lordm and they were always helping me put out firecrackers.

Jimmy was in the Navy and came home with these bottle rockets when he came home on leave. Everything would be quiet in the house and I would hear a bottle rocket go off by the side door. Jimmy would shoot them off when I wasn’t looking and then keep the same conversation going on with me in the dining room. I thought someone else was shooting them off. (Hoping, anyway.) He would shoot them through the snow. And he had some that would go off underwater.

Then we had this Catholic school fair and they had this beer tent? It was right up by our house and folks would get drunk and try to park their cars by our house. So for about 3 days in the summer, we had a lot of noise and drunks walking by our house. One night Jimmy got up in the tree by our house. He was about 16? And he had this pellet gun and if folks were really drunk when they walked by, Jimmy would shoot ‘em in the butt with his gun. They didn’t know where the shot came from as Jimmy was hiding good. Then he had this gorilla mask that he would wear and he rigged it up so it would light up with this switch he held in his hand. So if someone was really drunk, he would jump out of the tree at night and land in front of the drunk and scare the livin’ daylights out of ‘em.

Really, it was terrible as the drunks would pee in our neighborhood yards, etc. So we were all tryin’ to discourage them from parking around our homes. Aunt Toot’s husband is black. And he said all he would have to do is sit in our yard on a lawn chair and all the white folks wouldn’t bother us. “As everyone knows Black folks steal hubcaps.” Oh, what funny days those were. Luther was always good for a laugh. He was supposed to have died a month ago but hasn’t and is getting better as he goes.

Well, Jim is up and I guess I should go.