Good Morning. Well, I will be off to the hospital here this morning. Jim had a few irregular heartbeats and so he will be in the hospital a few more days. We were hoping that he could have come home today. Boy, he has been antsy and me, too.
I pray he had a good sleep last night. I am having good and bad days and so is Jim. But I guess that is the way it goes. I am just glad that Jim is alive. Oh, man, I would have hated to lose him. Still, he says he has no pain in his chest or leg where they took out the veins for his heart. He did say he had a headache the other night. I know if I had open heart surgery, I may get a headache.
Jim has been so antsy and that has worried me. The kids are very supportive and have been in and out each day. Bless their hearts, they have been so worried. Jim seems a bit loopy, but I guess that is par for the course. Some men are not good patients. He is good for the nurses and all but he just hates being at the hospital. He longs to get home and I long to get him home. Just pray that his heart will beat steady.
Our children have been so precious. Some of them have given us money and some are waiting for when they can. But Jim has always been generous with them and now they have come up to the bat for us.
I guess we live by faith, huh? I took my Bible to bed with me last night. I read Proverbs and about Wisdom. This gives me peace.
Lately, I keep seeking the Lord’s heart. I mean, with all the crazy preachin’ goin’ on, ya think, “What is the answer?” And I think, “Well, God’s ways are so above our ways.” I think, “How can we know Him?” And yet we are made in His image — we are made like Him. I think He wants to be a part of us and wants to fellowship with us. He works with our desires as we follow Him. Just like how He picked Sarah to have a supernatural birth when she was old. Sarah had longed for children all of her life. God didn’t pick a woman who never wanted children to begin with. Sarah was missing the mark in the beginning because she wasn’t submissive and she jumped ahead of God by giving Abe her servant girl to have a child by. Sarah wasn’t perfect but God dealt with her and showed her where she had to change in order to see her prayers answered. He saw something in Sarah that He could use. And most of what He used was her burning desire to have a child.
God uses our desires if our desires are based in Him. I want Jim to be healed and be able to come home. God will use my prayers as I long for my husband and long to please him. The Bible says that we have an unction from the Holy Spirit and we know all things. So if we chase God and long for Him, then we know all things. As we long after Him, then this is our path of righteousness.
God used Esther to save her people. She had a love for her own family and her relatives. She was passionate about saving her people. And she laid her life on the line because of her love for her family. Had she been a lesser woman who cared only for pleasure for a season, she would have thought, “Well, what can I do about all of this? I can’t save anyone — I would be killed.” But, no, she was a virtuous woman and strength and honour were her clothing. She remained honorable and strong, even though she had the bad news that all of her relatives were about to be murdered. I don’t think she even understood what she did, really. I think she just remembered her own relatives, the ones she was close with. She didn’t want to see them die. I don’t think she was all that religious about it. But out of her own heart, she didn’t want to see her loved ones die. Of course, she saved the Jewish nation and she saved the lineage of Christ. But I doubt she realized that at first. Esther was just doing what Esther was used to doing. She obeyed her uncle as she always had as a child. And in so doing, she did something revolutionary. She also understood the authority of the King.
Esther or Vashti
And ya know, Esther understood that her husband the King wasn’t even a believer. But she knew that he was her authority. She pleased the King with her meekness and her beauty. The King loved Esther and she pleased him. She obtained grace and favor. The King saw that he could give his heart to her. “The heart of her husband safely trusts in her.”
Oh, God, please give us ladies today the heart of Esther. She obeyed God in the face of fear. Esther obeyed her uncle in her childhood home. She had a habit of obeying the head of the house. And as she continued to do this, she saved a nation. That is so powerful.
And, oh, my silly kids! Dan has a new tattoo that says “Lord save my soul.” I said to Dan, “I hope the Lord does save your soul.” And he said, “I do, too.” On John’s time sheet at work, it says John and then his number is 316. So Christine says every time she sees it, she sees John 3:16. The Lord has such a heavy calling on my children. Like a holy mist of oil about them. Mother’s tears and prayers surround them. I love their Daddy and I love them and the grandbabies. They are far from perfect, for sure. But they were brought up to respect their parents and they sure have been there for us. Dan gave us 95 bucks and told us he didn’t need it.
All of the kids have been so sweet. Oh, what stinkers, but they are obeying God as they respect Jim and me. They are so glad Papa didn’t die. And they have to know it was a miracle. They were all there when the doctor said it was a good chance that he would die in surgery.
Yesterday, as Jim’s brother was at the hospital, he asked Mary and Brandon if they knew Jesus and they both said they did. Bob asked Mary, “Do you read the Bible, Mary?” And she said, “Oh, yes, I read about four translations.” And I know she does.
But those kids can get into more trouble. I guess it all has to do with their calling. But for me as their mother, mercy, what a life. But I know I love God and I want to do His will. I have a passion to know Him and to walk with Him. I don’t want to sin or give my life to this world. And so as I go, I have to know that He is with me. I don’t sin on purpose and I know that He is with me to forgive me.
Sometimes our lives go terribly wrong. I imagine that Daniel thought of that when he got thrown in the lions den. He had obeyed God and was thrown in a den to be eaten. I imagine he may have thought, “Hey, thanks a lot.” But, no, Daniel prayed and God saved him. And just think — Daniel’s life was written about in the Bible. His act of faith was published. Daniel wasn’t of this world. He lived by the rules of another world. He was a dreamer and a visionary. He heard the voice of God. And as he went, as he obeyed God, he saw many miracles. It was a habit with Daniel to put God first and to obey Him, even in the small things.
And I will never forget as a young mom sitting, rocking my baby, and I prayed to Jesus, “Lord, is this all I am called to do?” And Jesus said to the ears of my heart, “Connie, your life will be told all over the world.” I thought the Lord meant all over my town. Of course, I couldn’t understand that I would write about all the victories I have written about. I didn’t know the goodness of God or what the Lord would do in my life. But I kept calling upon Him and He kept answering me and showing me great and mighty things that I knew not.
He was testing me and wanting to know what I would do. You know? In the dark, in the tight places? What was I like when it was just me and the children at home? When Jim wasn’t there, who was I? When no one could see me, who was I? He was watching me and the angels were with Him. “Who is this Connie girl? Will she walk with Me? Even when she looks stupid and all seems to be lost?” He talked it over with the angels. Jesus wondered, “Should I marry her, and share my secrets with her?”
Each of our lives, as wives, hangs in the balance. Will we be an Esther or a Vashti?