Good morning. Man, hard times are upon us, huh? Last night Mary came over and I gave her the last of our hamburger. Gotta get some more today. Gave her 20 bucks of my own grocery money, so she cud buy special things for Brandon that he can eat.

He has felt better the last few days. I think he is trying to go to work today. He can’t get disability as he still has a job. And he needs to keep the job because of the health insurance benefits. And yet he hasn’t worked in 2 weeks. But the Lord has promised me that things are looking up and I believe God. Yes, I do. I know who I have believed in and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him. I have committed the lives of my children to Him and they are being taught of the Lord.

Oh, we must walk by faith and not by sight. We have to show the devil our shoulder and tell him we ain’t a pack mule for his burdens. We are workers for Jesus Christ and His way is easy and His burden is light. Oh, yes, weeping lasts for the night but JOY comes in the morning. We sow our prayers with tears but we shall doubtless come again rejoicing and bringing in the sheaves.

Some of us have nothing but faith to hang onto. And faith isn’t faith unless that is all ya have. And it is our faith that pleases God. It isn’t our works of the flesh but our faith.

This morning when I got up, I … well, I didn’t even want to get up and face this rat race again today. And yet I had to take on my spirit of homemaking. As Satan tries to tear our homes down, then it is our job to build them up.

I don’t have any hamburger but I have deer meat. I put some on to cook in the crock pot along with some onions and celery. I have a lot of vegetables and will make a nice beef vegetable soup. I will add a beef gravy mix and the meat will taste like hamburger.

I lit my little pumpkin candle, my favorite one. The scent makes the home smell homey and spicy.

I had some of Mary’s pumpkin bread out last evening. We had eaten some at Christmas, then I froze some. So when she came over to get some hamburger, she saw that I had her bread out. I gave her some to take home.

I just feel a laugh comin’ to me from my spirit. Like a bubble down in my soul. We are all so God blessed funny, I can’t hardly believe it. It’s no wonder God wants me to write about my family.

Mary told me last night that she sold her wedding ring. My first wedding ring got lost because of our fire that burned my whole bedroom down. My marriage bed was burned and all the keepsakes I had of our marriage. Now I wear a 20 buck gold wedding band. And I am glad to have that. But no matter what we don’t have, we gotta have Jesus.

And even though, at times, I feel I won’t walk another step, the Lord tells me, “Connie, get some hamburger fryin’ with some onions and make a meal. Get the coffee on and a candle lit. Clean off the table and light an oil lamp. Remember how the brides of Christ have their lamps full of oil waiting upon the Lord to come and rescue them?”

And so I have cleaned off my table and I put my Bible open upon my table. And, as I did, the Lord showed me Psalm 23. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadows of death, I will fear no evil for He is with me. And then “He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

So we let Him prepare a table before us. A sweet table in the midst of our fear. A table set with hope, with the promises of God upon the table. And the oil of the Holy Spirit represented. The bread on a covered plate reminds me of the body of Christ. My bread of life. He is all I need.

Only faith will do.

And as I go, I will put one foot before the other and He will give me a road of peace. He is the lamp unto our feet and a light for our pathway. Holy daily manna for us to eat.

Our Daughters

Last night when Mary was here, I gave her some of my money I had been given for Christmas. “Mom, I don’t want to take your Christmas money.”

I said, “Mary, you are my daughter — we are family. I can’t sleep tonight if I know you all are going without. If the tables were turned, I would hope my kids would help me.”

Mary said, “I would help you, Mom.”

See, this money I gave to her was my insurance benefits. I gave mercy and, when I need it, God will give me mercy. We will reap what we sow. It’s more important to pay your mercy benefits than it is to pay any other bill. We owe Jesus and we have to pay Him. Not with our money only. No, we give our lives.

And Mary is starting a job, I think, Monday. She has waited as long as she could and now she will have to work. She and Brandon will be moving in with some friends this weekend as they have lost their house. We really think this is good, as so many bad memories are in their house. “My children are being taught of the Lord and great is their peace.” Brandon and Mary are glad to be moving and are happy about it. They will have the top of a house and privacy and all.

The most important thing to me is that Mary is a faithful wife and cares for her husband. That is the bottom line to me. She is learning to be faithful to her husband and to the Lord. She is being brought up for Jesus. She is being molded by His mighty unseen hand. And that’s all I could ask for as her mother.

Folks say about Mary, “She sure loves her dad.” And, yes, she does. I taught her that Daddy was to be loved and honored. And Mary has carried this into her marriage.

I told her yesterday, “Mary, ya know, the lord is gonna help you and you will be given a double portion of Joy for all that you have suffered. You will have many more children and your empty arms will be filled. We have to let Chloe Faye go and to be happy in heaven. She is in our future and not just in our past. We will be with her for an eternity.” Mary has had a hard time wanting to leave the house she had Chloe Faye in. But Mary said last night that she knew that Baby was with her wherever she lived. She would always be with her mother.

I have missed the deep homemaking lately. It just breaks my heart if I get too far from it.

I have worried so about Mary and Brandon and this is a sin to worry. Brandon didn’t have any pain yesterday. I think the Lord is healing him. The 25th he is to go the University hospital, I think, for tests. He still has his job but hasn’t worked in about 2 weeks. But the Lord is working and they will be ok. But the worry can just strip a woman of her freedom in the Holy Spirit.

Last night, Johnny and Christine and Romeo came for supper. Oh, we had a joyous time! I fixed some of the ham I had in the freezer from Christmas. And I put cut up potatoes in the roasting pan with the ham, and water for gravy. Then I had gotten these portabella mushrooms from the bargain basket at the store and I fixed them. I just fry them in a big cast iron skillet with onions and a bit of oil and salt and pepper. Then when they are about half done, I add butter, a few tablespoons. Jim, of course, wouldn’t eat such things but me and the kids loved ‘em. Then I just had a bowl of canned corn mixed with green beans. Romeo loves green beans and corn. Then for dessert we just had chocolate chip cookies. We had cold sweet tea to drink and I made coffee.

Then we all watched a movie Jim had from the library. Oh, it is toooo funny! I loved it as it reminded me of what our house was like when the kids were growin’ up. The movie was made in 1938. And it is called You Cant Take It With You Fire crackers are always going off in the basement and the mother is writing drama on her typewriter. The daughter who is married to a musician is very dramatic and she dances her ballet through the house. All of us agreed that was Christian Joy as she was always so full of drama and the arts and always dates musicians. The mother was also an artist and always went about with her apron on. The whole movie had a good moral ending. That money wasn’t everything and family and friends were what counted in this world. Well, they didn’t put God first, but it was just a movie. And the grandpa always prayed at the table.

John’s family loves the real old movies. So they loved this one and we all laughed and laughed. Romeo even liked the movie and he is only 3. As the kids got ready to leave, Jim says, “Well, give Christine the rest of those sweet potatoes to take home.” I had gotten 2 big bags of sweet potatoes at the store for 2 bucks. We had eaten a lot of them and so we sent some home with the kids.

Christine said, “Now, Connie, I loved that pie you made with the squash like pumpkin pie. Can I make a sweet potato pie like you made the squash pie?” I said yes, to just boil and mash the sweet potatoes up and make a pie like you would a pumpkin pie. Well, she is an excellent cook and will figure that out in no time.

Christine loves vegetables. And I told her about all the buys on veggies that I get at the store early in the morning. So she wants to come pick me up one of these mornings and I will show her where to get the produce. Christine never wastes a bite of food. She will have a ball with those sweet potatoes.

Also, I gave her a little bag of regular white potatoes and an onion. They just live form paycheck to paycheck as John had to take such a cut in pay to move here. But the kids were telling us last evening that they are slowly getting on their feet. Man, I am tellin’ ya. Oh, wow, it’s hard to watch my kids go through hard times? But, ya know, it’s good for ‘em? I think of the missionaries in other countries that go without.

I sent some of the ham home, too, with the kids. Christine is an excellent cook. She will make several meals out of the ham as she will make soups and stews with it. She loves her new crock pot and loves to cook in it. She made split pea soup last week, she said. Our John has always been a good eater and isn’t picky, so he loves all of Christine’s creations.

Hot Peppers!

Oh, wow, Christine said that last week she had bought this jar of hot peppers at the Dollar Store. She thought they would be good on hamburgers. So she fixed John a hamburger with the HOT peppers on the bun. John is mete for the match. He said it was good but he asked Christine to warn him the next time.

Christine is a Hot Pepper, anyway! She is so full of life and seems to breathe life back into me and Jim. You can barely keep a straight face around her. She loves the styles from the 40’s and 50’s. And I love the styles from the 30’s and 40’s. She is very creative and, of course, John is used to being around women like his sister Christian Joy.

Chrissy Joy has often told me about the street people she sees. And she says, “Unless these people figure out what you and Dad have known all along they will stay street people.”

I told Wild Man this morning, “Jim, we are missionaries, ya know? We live with the people and we suffer like they do. We could be rich and live above them. I could go get a job and help our kids out more. We are poor, too, but we can give our kids only enough at times to keep ‘em on the road.”

Christian has told me, “Mom, you are a feminist. You couldn’t do what you do without being one. You always have been a feminist,” Well, I guess she sees me like that. She said, “Mom, I couldn’t have made it in NYC had I not known how to make cornbread and how to make it on my own.” My daughter who knows my heart says this about me. Of course, she misjudges my strength for feminism.

But we are Daughters of a New Revolution! We best be radical and strong or we can kiss our sweet cheeks good bye. Times are hard and we had better be playin’ with a full deck with eyes wide open. It’s hard, I know. I am livin’ it with ya. But don’t give up and you will see His glory.

I told Jim this morning, “Ya know, Honey, we have a lot more to teach our kids now than when we home schooled ‘em? We gotta keep showin’ them how not to give up.”

Ya know, yesterday I was talking to MaryL on the phone. She is 76 and her husband Russ is 79. Russ still goes to work every day and even does farm chores when he gets home. He has cows to care for and does all of the snow shoveling in the winter. He often tells me “I am tough. I am not giving up.” Mary is very godly, too, and very stout hearted. She has a gift of prophesy. Many years ago, she told me I would be a writer and have my writings published. I never believed it. She spends sometimes all day in prayer. I trust her in the Lord and she has prayed over me many times when I was sick and I was miraculously healed.

Yesterday we had sort of a hurried conversation on the phone but I have thought of what she said and I think it was from the Lord. She told me this. “Connie, what you are writing is very important. Young folks need to learn to work, at whatever job. The mothers need to stay home and work at home.” She was saying something about the daycares, that they won’t last that long. Now, in my thinking, they look to me like they are stronger than ever and here to stay. Probably she meant not decent daycares that anyone would want to send their kids to, or could afford to send them to. I dunno. I could tell the Lord was speaking through Mary but I can’t exactly get it, which is nothing new. But as I write I am tryin’ to figure it out.

But what she said was that the teachings of the word concerning family order is going to be what will save many of you in the coming days. Ya know? I dunno. I used to watch Fox News as I like the debates. I liked to see both sides of an issue. But being a champion B.S.’er myself? Seems to me afloat B.S. is goin’ on on both sides of the aisle. And anyone with a sixth grade education could about tell that neither side is on the ball.

If I was young and had a houseful of children, I would be thinking very seriously about living like H. does. I really don’t know what is to become of us as a country. But I really do feel that our country is falling fast and things will never be the same. I think my calling is to call you mothers to courage.

As an older mother, and having older lady friends? Man, these women getting divorces are no further ahead. People are afraid of sharing their incomes with a new partner in marriage. Our milkman was a Christian all of his life and was a friend to my children growin’ up. And after his wife died, he started shackin’ up with a woman because of his Social Security. If he married the woman he wouldn’t get as much S.S.? Ruined his witness for Christ in a heartbeat. He used to always pass out Salvation tracks and all, and I think he was a deacon at church. But over a lousy few hundred bucks, he takes a dive? He quit coming to our house. Later a friend of his told us he was too embarrassed, as he was shackin’ up. And, mercy, the guy was well into his 70’s. He had been our milkman for almost 30 years.

Anyway, I see women my age divorcing and the next husband wants her to work. And he doesn’t want to lay his life down for her. I mean, Jim treats me like a Queen. But I was workin’ on my marriage when I was young. And I have nothing in the way of money. But I would rather have Papa’s heart than a nest egg for my later years. Jim paid off the house and I have that. But I am glad I have lived an honest life before God. I ended up with a man who loves and cares for me.

I don’t envy friends who are out lookin’ for other men. Like lookin’ for firewood in the winter. The wood ain’t seasoned and has to dry out. The fire sputters and smokes. But the marriage that is seasoned and chopped in the fall burns steady and makes a warm and lasting fire. The heat is generous and not stingy.

I see women my age out there with their jobs and their new clothes and car. At my age, they tell me about their knee operations, etc. It’s sad. They bought a lie that they could have it all.

A Sputtering Fire

The other day, I saw an old friend “Jane” at the store. We had gone to high school together. I saw her and said, “Hi, how are you?” I hadn’t seen her in years, but just in passing a few times.

She says, “Oh, I am better.”

I am thinking, “Does she know who I am?” So I said, “Well, I didn’t know you were sick.” Then she tells me how many operations she has had. And that all she does is work for barely any pay.

As we got ready to leave (Jim was with me), we talked again. She tells me, “I am goin’ after my first husband’s Social Security. He ain’t gonna like it.” The last time I saw her, she had a boyfriend she was living with. I could see he was no longer in the picture. I didn’t ask about him.

Jim told me later at home, “That woman looked to be 70 years old.” She was just 58 years old.

But these women who are not faithful to a man in their young age end up with sorry fire wood in the winter years. And my mentors, Mary and Russ, remarried 30 years ago. So I am not saying a second marriage would never work. But its a gamble! And neither of them believe in divorce and have believed God for my marriage for many years. But I am tellin’ ya what I see in my life for the most part.

And, ya know, when I stood with Jane and talked with her, and Jim was there with me talking, too, I could see that look in her eye. That I was just lucky to have a man who loved me and didn’t leave me. But she doesn’t know my life or that I had to work at my marriage for many years. She says to me, “So do you still work?”

I said, “No, I have been a stay at home Mother all of my married life. And now I am a stay at home Grandmother.” Now, with my life as it was in my early years, what was the chance of that ever happening now in my later years?

And ya know what? There is an unwritten law out there that a lot of women go by. I mean it is a small majority but they go by it. They ain’t gonna trust me as the older Titus Mother if I haven’t been faithful to my first husband. Oh, yeah, they hee haw with the best of ‘em. But the fact remains that the older Titus Mother has to be the wife of one husband. But MaryL has truly taught me to love my husband and children. I would be dead without her. And some women have played the part of Titus 2 Mother to me. But we as Christian mothers must live faithful lives or our witness for Christ will not be anything. No one is going to listen to us if we say one thing and, on the other hand, we ruin our witness for Christ through our actions.

We have to be Mothers of faith. And if ya want the easy way out in good times, you will pay later on. So you will reap what you sow. And the grim reaper will get you, one way or the other.

It’s easier to fight the good fight of faith when you are young rather than have to bare the sword of Satan in your older years. Like I have said, “Lookin’ for firewood in the dead of the winter ain’t a good idea.”

Deception

And ya know what? A lot of women my age were taught right in the church about marriage. But they love the watered down church of today. They go to church as a cover for their sins. The church is for the feminist woman, of course, and they make it easy for the wayward wife to get a divorce and remarry whoever the hell they like. No condemnation, ya know?

The church of today tries to get the sinner set free by telling them nothing is wrong. That no matter what they do it is fine. But the word of God says, “If we confess our sins, He is just and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” We get set free of the sins that bind us as we confess the sin and He makes us free. It is not us who sets our own selves free. it is God who can only set us free as we confess our sins of unrighteousness.

And the sheep are not taught what sin is in the modern church. There is not Holy Spirit conviction goin’ on. The power can’t fall and convict the sinner of their sins. The word that speaks against adultery, shackin’ up, and what have ya isn’t preached. Preacher says, “Well, the sinner knows if they are in sin or not.” No, they don’t, and unless the word is preached and the conviction falls upon the flock, then the sinner thinks they are just fine. That shackin’ up and abortion is ok.

And the women my age who were taught better are having a field day. They love the new teachings at church and are havin’ a ball. They can divorce and remarry as much as they want and preacher thinks it’s just fine and dandy. And these women think it is fine and dandy. Pretty soon they are deceived, too. They hoodwink themselves so good that now they can’t even tell the difference between good and evil. So preacher is actually sending folks to hell on a jet as he is tryin’ to have a business instead of a hospital for lost and bound in darkness souls.

No one is gonna get set free of their sins unless they be first convicted and ask God to forgive them. And it is He who cleanses us from all of our sins of unrighteousness. And no one can do anything for God with sin in their hearts. The church used to know this.

But I am tellin’ ya, the women my age are havin’ a ball in the modern church. They love to tell me that their preacher stays on the word concerning salvation of the soul. And, yeah, as long as preacher stays on the message of salvation, then the sinners are happy, because the homosexual thinks he is fine as no one has said from the pulpit that he ain’t fine. And the married woman can divorce her husband as no one has said it ain’t ok. Just stay on the message of salvation and all will be well. And then the woman who refuses to sin and divorce is kicked out of the church or riddled to death if she stays.

And I know I am an old radical. But when I got out of church is when the light bulb went on. And I used to have to walk by faith, ya know, for my marriage and the way of life I chose. But now I am older and it don’t take any faith to see that God’s way is right.

I see the broken down women my age out there still tryin’ to make a buck. And still tryin’ to look for firewood in the winter. And horny old church women chase Jim everywhere he goes. And old men chase me. It’s a riot! They tell me, as they walk by me at the library, that they like my long skirts.

We went to a nursing home yesterday to see a friend. The woman at the desk nearly jumped into Jim’s arms. I mean, these old people are desperate. They started out good with Christian dignity and strength. But in their old age they have taken the grand dive. They have lost their witness and they have become a joke behind their backs.

No, they won’t be a joke for long, as they won’t live forever on this earth. But when they conveniently die and leave this earth, they have left Jesus Christ with a black eye. As for some folks, these deceived wives were their only witness for Christ.

Take Up Your Cross

And, ya know, I was watching Christian TV yesterday. Here is this preacher selling pictures of this big revival that he thinks we are having in the world. My heart breaks when I see such foolishness. You can’t watch the news at all without hearing about child abuse. It breaks my heart. And, ya know, this is the harvest of sin that the absence of teaching on abortion in the church has created. As there is not teaching against abortion, then the folks thinks it’s ok. And this preacher who is heard worldwide uses air time to sell pictures of deception. He says Jesus is coming soon for the church.

All I have to say is, God forbid that Jesus would come back before a true revival would come. Revival comes as a man of God preaches a holy Word of God that convicts the sinner and sets them free of their sins. Then revival comes. Without the Holy Ghost conviction of sin, the TRUE revivals cannot come. Jesus wants to come back after the true church. The virgin bride in her white and holy veils and coverings. The pure church who loves her husband Jesus Christ who she has died daily for. No shepherd is a true shepherd unless he hears the cries of the aborted babies. Or the cries of the abused children.

The order of the family on this earth shows the unsaved what is going on in the spiritual realm. We as wives walk out Christ as we don’t give up in our families. As we continue to submit to our husbands and, yes, even to the froward. The unsaved husband curses his wife and yet she is like Christ on the cross — she is silent. This is a spiritual thing. We don’t understand it all. We don’t understand all of what Jesus did at Calvary’s cross. To the world, maybe you look stupid as you submit to your husband. But this moves things in the realm of the Spirit. I don’t understand it all, no. But God does and, as you are obedient to God, you move things around in the realm of the Spirit.

When Christ died on the cross, He changed the course of history. He refused to take the easy way out. By one man’s obedience, many were made righteous. How many folks are we moving by our obedience? And how many will we ruin by not staying on our cross and finishing our work there?

When Jesus died, he said, “It is finished.” Will we finish? As lambs brought before the slaughter, will we go? Just because He is Lord? He gave His life for us. Will we give our lives for Him? Or will we give our lives to Satan for a bit of enjoyment on this earth.

Will we sell our lives for a few short years of pleasure? Or will we walk the walk and do the deeds of righteousness to win lost souls for Christ?

Ya know, I am such a kid at heart and love to do things just to see the lid fly off. Like my story about our John throwing firecrackers in garbage cans to watch the lids fly off. (This was when the garbeage cans were aluminum.) Wow, what a BANG! Well, he gets that from me.

I was at the library a few days ago. And, ya know, I kinda know the head librarian. She has a sense of humor like you wouldn’t believe. Jim and I always come in together to get VCR movies and books. And Jim always has a fit if I want to use his library card because I can’t find mine, in my messy purse? He is worried that I will lose my books, then the library police will get him. Well, Nancy picks up on this and pretends she has a Wanted Poster of me under her desk. We laugh and carry on terrible.

She has seen our family and our kids run in and out of that poor library for many years. So here comes the firecracker. I say real nice to Nancy, “Well, I wrote a book, ya know?” I had prayed about sayin’ that. And when Nancy went to this other desk, and she was alone and not busy, I said it. Yes, I did. And I suggested that I would give them a free copy for their library. I said, “Well, it’s not exaaaactly politically correct?” But I told her about my website and I hope she will look it up.

That library is new and so many of the old books are gone from it that they used to have. So many of the new books are just sunk in feminism and gay rights. Can’t ya just imagine my little book in there? “Look out! I hear a sizzle. The library lid is about to fly off.” How funny is this gonna be?

Well, anyway, time will tell. I have suggested to Nancy that I have a pocketful of fire crackers. Will she or won’t she want to go on an adventure? Nothin’ like taking my little book straight to the library. I guess I needed a bit of adventure in my life.

Get Ready to Laugh

Ok, my mom at 82 is the funniest woman who ever lived. She has always worried I wouldn’t make anything of myself. But she thinks that now that I have written a book she can die happy. I hate to tell her that we have only sold 37 books. I am not exactly popular.

But, anyway, she has always been jealous of her sister Ellen. Ellen is almost 90 in the nursing home. So Mom says to Ellen, all proud and arrogant, “Connie wrote a book and it is published.”

Ellen wakes up and says, “Who?”

And Mom says, “Connie. She wrote a book.” I feel like a wart on a toad sitting there quietly.

So after about 5 minutes of silence, Ellen says, “What’s it about?” It’s warm in the room and every sentence is a minute between the next one. My mind is a million miles away. Mom is trying to get Aunt Ellen’s goat, if only a few days before she goes on to glory. It’s so funny I can barely take it.

Then Mom tells her neighbor who is also elderly, “Connie wrote a book.” And then the lady asks to borrow Mom’s book. Mom says, “Well, she can buy her own book. She has the money to buy one.” So now I will be able to say I have sold 38 books, instead of 37. Mom tries to sell these books, even if it says she is an unbeliever in the middle of the book. She’s desperate and just wants me to make something of myself before she dies.

My brother teases all the time about it. Mom says to him, “When are ya gonna build a front porch on your house?”

Scott will sit back in his chair and say with a twinkle in his eye, “Aw, I am waitin’ for Connie to get rich and buy me a new house and a Corvette.” It’s the funniest stuff you would ever believe. It should all be on a movie.

I try to tell my mom that I am not tryin’ to get rich or be popular. She calls me on the phone and tells me to get this book that Oprah Winfrey said was good and she put the book on her list! And Mom thinks if I read a book that Oprah said was good that it will help me to know how to make some money.

Jim about went broke tryin’ to finance my newsletter years ago. I charged for it but gave too many away free. So he is just happy he didn’t have to pay for my book. I am happy that my writing hasn’t caused anyone to go bankrupt over it. The first thing Jim asked when I told him I was having a book published is, “How much do I have to pay for that?”

I cause more trouble with my writing. MaryL always laughs when I tell her about the beautiful website and all my writings. Her comment is always, “And you never leave the house.”

Just imagine if I had a computer, all the trouble I could get into? Annie is always trying to keep me good and covered and secret. Kinda like tryin’ to hide an elephant under a clothes basket. I try to humor her. So my Mom is trying to get me on the Oprah Winfrey show and Annie is tryin’ to hide me under a basket.

I think the Lord will probably go ahead and do with my sorry hide just what He wants to do. Even God Himself must be laughin’ at this comedy of errors we are all in. I think it is safe to say, “No one knows what will become of me.”

Good Morning Mothers,

Oh, yesterday was such a day of reckoning for me. I had written to the response group only as I had to give many testimonies of the Lord’s goodness in my life. Satan was down my neck and the Word says we defeat him by the word of our testimonies. So I really gave a lot of testimonies. I didn’t have Jim’s permission to send it further than the response group, though. Then I had Annie erase it at the end of the day.

Yesterday as I went along, the Lord spoke to my heart. And last night the Lord spoke to my heart in prayer. He impressed me like this. “Connie, you are who you are, and don’t be ashamed of it. The things that happened in your life were all preplanned of the Lord.”

I think some of us don’t realize that it is God who is the author and finisher of our faith. Jim and I have tried to run from our past and make believe it never happened. We would be like the children of Israel trying to pretend they didn’t know anything about the Red Sea parting so they could get across. We who do that forget our own testimonies and what the Lord has done in our lives.

We try so hard to fit into what we would call normal and we forget our God who has given us many miracles. And God isn’t like us, and He is about our lives, adding faith to faith and strength to strength. To Him, we look like puzzles and He adds stuff to the puzzle of faith. And I know I am like, “Who me? I don’t have any faith.”

And God looks at me like, “You don’t have any faith after all I have done in your life?”

He has set things before me to do. And I think, “I don’t have the faith for that.” And yet I should, and I guess I do? But God weaves us and makes us His own creation. We who are His own children aren’t made by a mistake.

I am always embarrassed at my moxie and sense of humor. I have an idea of the older Titus 2 Mother. And Darlin’ I don’t fit! I remember in the old days telling a friend of mine, “Well, I should be more sophisticated.” So I tried to wear my hair up in a French twist and tried to be more uppity. I couldn’t do it. I am too silly and I guess I will stay like that until the Lord takes me home. And barefoot? I promised myself that when I hit 40 I would forever wear shoes. Shoot, I am now almost 60 and still barefoot. I give up — it ain’t gonna happen? And I guess this is how the Lord made me and I guess I will have to own up to it.

Soon, I hope can sit down with Jim and kinda sweet talk him. We don’t talk about our past — we never have. He will shoot it out at a few Christian friends sometimes. But he leaves it mighty sketchy. And I don’t think he will ever roam the country and give his testimony. I know I wouldn’t want to. But I know one of these days, as the Lord leads, I am gonna talk to him about it. And I am gonna remind him of all he has worked his way through. Jim needs to remember all of what God did.

Jim hates his past and oh, man, that is a touchy subject for him. But God has told me in prayer that He isn’t done with Jim. Jim is 65 yrs old but God has a lot more for him to do. But Jim thinks he is really old. But I just have a feelin’ in my heart that Wild Man has a lot more goin’ on than he thinks he does. The kids always laugh when they say, “Mom, Dad thinks he is old but he isn’t.” Jim isn’t proud of his past and I applaud him for that. But he does need to remember that God has taken him through a lot and he has come out on the other side.

Not that he and I smell like roses, by any means. Confidentially, “We Stink.” But stink or not, God made us for a reason and he will add faith to OUR FAITH and STRENGTH to our strength, and not the weaker more normal faith and strength we wish we had lived. We ain’t lily white with an everyday nice past.

Jim and I have wished to be everyday normal Christians. We don’t like the lights action and camera life we live. Jim always used to say “Lets live a nice normal life. I am an everyday guy.”

A Fat Roasted Chicken

That’s me — the truth? A Fat Roasted Chicken. I know God is calling me into something and I am squawkin’ and flappin’ my wings and runnin’ like hell. The feathers are just flyin’ in the air with every skid of my run away chicken feet on the chicken yard. And yet I know God is gonna catch me and make me do what He has called me to do. Either that or I will get swallowed by a big fish. Been there and done that. I understand Jonah in the fish? Oh yeah! A few years back when I was runnin’ in the wrong direction? I looked out my window by the email machine and a gourd plant was comin’ for me out by the window. I thought, “Is that a word from the Lord or what?”

Most of us who are called by God don’t wanna go. Most of the people in the Bible who were called by God didn’t want the calling. But God knows who will go, even though they don’t want to.

See, I am embarrassed of my moxie and have tried to tone it down. But I think God may use that one of these days. I am saying all of this to encourage some of you who have lived hard lives to not be ashamed of that — to know that it is God who made you and allowed your lives to be as they have been. We need to arise from the springboard of the real life we have lived.

We all wish we had lives like what Dr. Dobson speaks of as normal. But maybe God hasn’t made us like that. We can’t hide our heads in shame about that. As Jesus was on the earth teaching the disciples, He expected them to trust Him as He had lived with them and had shown them many miracles. And we who have seen many miracles must be responsible to have more faith than those around us who haven’t seen them.

And, ya know, I have a good set of six kids. They are hard working but they think on their own and are half baked. But in this God is using it all. At times they all come against me and my faith. I mean they are decent kids. But they try to really put me in tight spots to see if I can get out? They love testing me. This will work for my good and theirs because, one of these days, I plan to have a daily call in radio show. And I have to be ready when the young people hit me with all kinds of stuff.

We live in a sinful society. Full of deception? I have tried to politely hide my moxie? But one of these days I will use it. God will help me. He is training me through my kids. It takes alotta moxie to deal with you know who on the internet selling punk rock clothes to punk rockers? Um? But God is on my side.

And I don’t know all there is to know about everything. I don’t know what the Lord will do next. I have an idea? The very idea has scared my chicken feathers all loose. But I should be able to trust in God, after all I have been through. “Mercy, Connie, get a spine!”

With His Help and Grace

I can think of a lot of ideas for Happy Housewifery. I hope it becomes a label, an item. I can see Happy Housewifery aprons and dress patterns. Bloomers for Mother and her daughters. H.H. cloth diapers and many other linens. Like curtains and dish towels. Table cloths and hot pads. Soaps and shampoos, candles, etc. Simple rag dolls and toys for children.

I think some of us are sick of the styles out there to choose from and many would never go to a department store unless they had to. I can sure see many H.H cookbooks! I see H.H cookware and sets of dishes and tea sets, all moderately priced, or as cheap as we can sell them without going in the hole. I see little electric mixers and other cute Happy Housewifery appliances. Maybe that look like lady bugs, red with the black dots. Cute “doll like” appliances made like the things in the 30’s and 40’s. I have made my little frdige to look like a Minnie Mouse fridge. I can see rolling pins of yellow and red. All of this to get the feminism out of our homes and cover our homes with Happy Housewifery.

With God all things are possible. This would open up so many cottage industries for so many of you women who would rather stay home and work and yet make a profit, even if it would be a small one. I don’t want to take all of this out of the poor woman’s realm. We could sell seeds and gardening books that we have made ourselves. A., you could sell patterns for quilts, etc. If Mrs. Chicken would get on the ball, I think we could, as women on here, put some of our visions to change our world into motion.

The thing of it is, I ain’t all that popular. But if I was, we could shake this nation loose of its feminism. Maybe if I wasn’t such a chicken I could get popular.

I love the internet and I think, if others have used it for wickedness, we can use it for the Lord. All it takes is imagination and vision. I mean, A. could bottle up “A.’s shampoo” and sell it.

We are Daughters of a New Revolution. I am ready to lay down my life for the cause. How about you? We only have one life to live on this earth. Let’s give it a good kick in the ass on the way out.

I am the problem that keeps all of this from happening. God forgive me! Lord, give me the guts I need and remind me of the guts I had to make it this far. I built my own home on the Word of God, and I know the Lord can give me the courage to build a home for the Lord. A temple in the wilderness.

Let’s make this Happy Housewifery thing fly.

I am really wanting to work on some free pamphlets of Housewifery that can be printed off. Sorry I am so sloooow.

Good Morning. Mary didn’t get Brandon to the hospital until late yesterday, as he was asleep for the day after being so sick all night. So I don’t have any news yet.

Just wanted to write a bit about church. I know what ya all mean when you say you are happy in your church. And I am glad — this is good. But the ones who have left the churches, it isn’t because they have had bad experience there. No, I love church people and they love me. Well, I suppose some folks leave as they have upsets, etc. But that is not my reason. I just left as I felt led to.

The local churches are good for certain families. Like if your problems aren’t all that bad, then the church is a good place to go. But, ya know, ya get into some real problems and the church is not really the place to go. I mean, look at the other Christian Ladies groups you have been with on the internet. They don’t even allow women to talk about their problems with husbands who commit adultery. They want to keep these groups light and happy for the ladies on the group. They want groups that flow smoothly. And ya cant blame ‘em. That’s how the group is set up and everyone has a right to run a group as they want to. But with this group, ya got cowgirls runnin’ through with cordial in their hip pockets and rollin’ their own cigs. I dunno how well some of these ladies would do in church.

I mean, ya look at the regular church out there. How many alcoholics who haven’t been saved yet are there sitting in the pews? How many church groups do they have during the week to help the woman who has an adulterous husband? I mean, the local church lets down their nets into the water and they drag up most of the fish. But there is fish down there that don’t get caught in the net. And often the church doesn’t welcome the folks who are chronic problems. They don’t fit into the happy club that is the mainstay. And, ya know, that’s ok. The church plays a part.

When Jim and I used to go to church when we were young, we loved it. But, ya know, it wasn’t too long before we began to wear out the folks there. Our problems were WAY too big. They were patient with us for about three years. Then, bless my little heart, I got the gift of speaking in tongues while going to the Southern Baptist church. And I got up in the Sunday night service one evening and announced it? Well, I didn’t know any better. I had gotten this gift while I was alone praying in my bedroom. I wasn’t at a Pentecostal church. Oh, I was always testifyin’ about what God had done for me. The folks would sorta pat me on the head and hope I would shut up. I mean, I was in my 20’s. Jim and I had separated again and again. I was pregnant with my second child. Man, I had demons chasin’ me from pillar to post.

No, I didn’t fit into a Baptist church. That church was nice to me and Jim but we just wore those poor souls out. So we did ‘em a favor and left that church. And we went on to a Pentecostal church. Jim kept leaving me when we were there, too. And they finally took up a collection in the offering plate for my divorce. I told ‘em I hadn’t planned on a divorce. Jim came back and repented and wanted to join their church and they wouldn’t let him. Well, we understood. Wild Man was way too wild for them.

We then just went to church here and there. One church I went to called me a whore from the pulpit because I didn’t go to their church all the time, every Sunday? They said that if you church hopped, it was like you were becoming one with this body and that body of believers. Well, the Lord didn’t take too kindly to that. God knows I was as pure as the driven snow. The preacher later had a nervous breakdown. And, ya know, he was a good preacher — I liked the poor snook. I don’t have any hard feelings. But I am wise enough to know that I just didn’t fit into that body of believers. I fit in with the believers who don’t fit into the church.

One time, I went to this little church. It was Baptist, I guess. Or I think they called themselves a Bible Church. Well, they were so innocent. A rumor started in their church that someone was coming to their church who was known to speak in tongues. One of the folks came and told me the rumor, too. At the Sunday morning service, these folks sat in their folding chairs like they were on hot-seats. They were lookin’ all around to find the one who spoke in tongues. Like the tongue talker was gonna jump out of no where and begin speaking in Chinese. Then a devil would jump out and pinch em? They later found out it was me and they loved me, anyway, and, oh, I loved them.

They had home Bible studies through the week. I had some of them here and they were a fun group of folks. Anyway, I quit going to that church but still opened our home for their Bible studies. They were studying some book of the Bible at church but, like I said, I had left by then. And one evening I went to the Bible study and they had it at a church member’s home that night instead of my home. Well, I always studied my Bible, even the concordance. So they have this contest to see who could get the most answers right after taking this one course at church. Well, they politely let me in their group and into their contest. I mean, just to be polite, as they KNEW I wouldn’t get any of the answers right because I didn’t have their study book. Well, I got all the answers right and won the prize. They couldn’t figure out how I did this without goin’ to their church.

At another church contest I won the prize, too. The Bible teacher got kinda mad at me and asked me if I spent a lot of time just reading my concordance and dictionary at the back of my Bible. Well, ya know, when you are under the gun like I lived for so many years, then, yes, you study the Bible and the concordance and the Bible dictionary. I used to go to sleep in my bed with my big family Bible. I mean, it was a big one that ya get when ya get married? They weigh about 10 pounds and look like a small drawer. Plus I had many study books and I read the Bible ALLLL the time.

See, most of the first 12 years of my marriage, I was alone. You go to a church and they ask you about yourself and you tell them my story? “Hello, I am Connie I have been deserted 30 times by my husband. In fact, I don’t know where he is now. Probably out committing another crime? I got married in prison when I was 19.” Then I stand there, usually pregnant, with a row of children with me. Children, by the way, who were as distressed as I was. I had the Word of God to keep me going but they had only jokes and teasing, usually, to hang onto.

The Sunday school teacher would just croak every time Jimmy came into her class. I just couldn’t make the boy behave himself and, oh, the things he did to torment the other children. But, ya know, I prayed for him as a young mother. And he grew up an to be an honorable man. But as a young mom, who had him at 19 years old, I spent many nights in prayer all night for him. I sent him to a Christian school. I babysat to get the money. I paid for it all myself. But he was so ornery, he upset the whole school. As a 25 year old mom, I cried myself to sleep many nights in prayer over this child.

At 18, he joined the Navy and was a spy, and he was a part of an air crew — he took care of the computer part of the airplane. The planes went high above the clouds and checked for bombs. Jimmy was never in any trouble and had to have a squeaky clean record to be chosen to do the job he had in the Navy. He would call us on the phone from all over the world. Collect? Later, just as the phone was about to be shut off, he would send us the money to pay for it. (This was after Jim got saved.) We had phone bills for 500 or 600 dollars a month. What a riot! The phone company had fits.

But, no, we didn’t fit into the local church. Not hardly.

And, oh, Wild Man was such a kill at church. He kept tryin’ to get saved so he would be good and not have to go back to the joint. But that guy couldn’t be good if his life depended on it. But we went to church and tried to make him be good.

There was always some well wisher that was gonna figure Jim out, by golly. So some elder or whatever was gonna counsel Wild Man. Jim would go to the guy’s house every week. And this guy would think, “Wow, Jim is doin’ good. I have healed him.”

Well, Jim was playing that guy like a fiddle. He would sit there and say, “Yeah, I did it and I am sorry and I won’t do it again. I am a no good SOB.” And you name it. Something had to cut through Jim’s soul. It had to reach him down in his gut. Nothing was reaching Jim. Nothing was penetrating his spirit. I felt so adamant later on about getting us out of church. Jim had to make a decision and quit playin’ games with the elders. Imagine this elder’s surprise when, one day, Jim didn’t show up for the counseling session, and he was gone and no one knew where he was. Not for months on end.

Once for 7 months, no one knew where Jim was. I lived in the eye of my storm. No one could ever figure out how I lived on, but I knew it was Jesus that kept me. And He will keep you, P., like He did me. And you A., and H., and all of you.

But Jim had to get out of the church and see that it was all up to him. Was he going to make a decision for Christ? Jim alone? With or without the church? He had to quit the church game, the religious parties. That man had to make a decision. Jim said he finally got sick of being sick and tired. He suffered like a dog before he really gave it all to Jesus.

See, this is where the home is so important. I lived, as 1 Peter 2 and 3 describes, as the wife being the example of Christ at the cross. When I was reviled, I reviled not again. I didn’t return evil for evil. Jim would come home after being gone for months. I would see him at the back door. He would look so rugged, as he would hitchhike out on the open highway for hundreds of miles, as my prayers would draw him home.

One time, he was so hungry when he reached the house that he stopped at the garden to eat before he came to the door. Oh, what a character! There he stood with nothing but the clothes on his back. I wouldn’t say to him, “Where have you been for 3 months?” or “Where have you been all of my life?” I would say, “Hi, Honey, are ya hungry? Come in — I will fix you some dinner.” I would help him off with his clothes and help him into a tub of warm water to take a bath. I would get some of his clothes from his closet to put out for him so he could put on fresh clothes. And then I would feed him some dinner. I ministered to him as I knew this would touch his heart.

The next day, he wouldn’t talk much. But would say, “I will go out and get work.” So he would go out and get a job. We wouldn’t discuss where he was. But then we would be driving along in our 100 buck car, a few weeks later. And the tears would begin to roll down his cheeks. Wild Man would stop the car at the side of the road and would weep until he could weep no more. Having been cool toward me and the kids, now he broke and begged me and the children to forgive him. He would cry out, “What is the matter with me that I would do these things to my family? Connie, I love you and the kids with all of my heart. When will I be a good man like my dad was?”

I would weep and say, “I don’t know, Jim. God will help us.” All I did was hang onto 1 Peter 2 and 3. I didn’t know what else to do. I just kept doing what I knew to do. I hung onto Jesus.

Oh, we fought so hard to hang on. And when I could hang on no more, Jim got another sentence in prison. The longest one he had of 3 and a half years. I thought God absolutely hated us. For 12 years, I had nothing but grief. Just before this sentence, I had waited through 3 other sentences and many jail terms. I had nothing but faith to live on.

And, ya know, Thank God for the local church. It’s a fun place to go and bring the children. But I think some of us are just too ornery to fit in. Now A., you wouldn’t want her in your church. She would tell everyone off. You wouldn’t want me on the internet as I would erase all my writings. But there is no condemnation.

I will say that some wayward men play church and the best thing in the world for them is to get out of the church. They need to go home and show themselves a Christian. If you are only good at church, then you are foolin’ yourself. If you can’t be good at home, then you don’t have anything to bring to the body of believers.

We as believers need to learn to get down to the brass tacks with Jesus. We older believers should be chewing the meat of the word. Often only the milk is preached. And it’s like going to first grade over and over again. We do need to grow up and take some authority in the body of Christ.

And it’s not preacher that is to save your husband, anyway. A man’s heart will be broken for Jesus through the behavior of a godly wife. It’s hard to win a man to the Lord through your behavior. It’s a lot easier to nag at him to go to church. And often a man will go to church and walk the aisle and confess Christ so his wife will quit naggin’ him. You don’t want a man like that. He ain’t a man who will make it for the long haul. He needs to come to Christ on his own and in his time.

You cant make the grass grow or a man to come to Christ before he is ready. He has to grow in Jesus’ time.

Some of your men who are confessing Christ but are committing adultery are only playin’ games. The worst thing you can do is believe him that he means business with God. No, you don’t need to tell him off. But don’t fall for the lies that a man who commits adultery is a Christian. They ain’t and they are on their way to hell if they don’t change. Satan tells you he is saved and committing adultery so that you won’t pray for him. You have to have the discerning of spirits so that you can pray for your husband. You have to get it right yourself so that you can pray in spirit and in truth.

And, last of all, I want to say, ya know, when I went through my times of great testing, I clung to His word. My neighbor, whose husband had left her, used to get so mad at me. “All ya do is sit in this house and pray and read your Bible. Get out and do something with your life.” Oh, yeah! The Lord was preparing me to speak to the world about how great the Lord is and how He saved my life and marriage.

We may think we aren’t doin’ anything as we read the Bible and pray and fight like hell for our marriages and homes. But in the shadows, even though we think we are alone and forsaken, God is there watching us. As we stand on nothing BUT Faith, as this is all we have, we please the Lord. And, oh yes, the victories come. Yes, they surely come and in the time the Lord had figured out a long time ago.

We are not alone as we fight. Yes it’s a fight — we fight the good fight of faith. Our minds try to deceive us. It’s a fight in the inner sanctuary. We fight as we stand before our king as Esther did. If we live, we live, and if we die, we die. But we have purposed in our hearts to not sin against our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is first in our lives and His word has to take first place. And as we put His word and Him first, we seek first His kingdom and everything else is added unto us. He gives us new husbands and new lives and He gives us peace. The works of righteousness brings peace.

Brandon was real sick last night and now he is resting. But Mary will take him to the University Hospital when he wakes up. It’s about 30 miles from here. She kept thinking that they needed an appointment to go there and they had one for later this month. But he is so sick she will take him today.

Please pray that he will get right into the hospital and that they will keep him for tests. He is so skinny. I pray he won’t die. He needs to be fed intravenously. He hasn’t been able to hold anything down.

They have a good health insurance where he works. But I told Mary that they would have to see about drawing disability until he is on his feet. I told her they would have to apply for food stamps and all. Brandon has always been such a proud young man that he had a good job as a pipe fitter. Well, this will be so humbling for him to have to get state relief. He is a fighter and so is Mary. I pray they just keep on goin’.

Sometimes our bodies give out but our spirits have to keep on goin’. But Brandon is young and the Lord will give him courage. J and R have so much courage to keep going like they do. They have a lot of love for each other and so do Brandon and Mary. That love covers a multitude of sins. God is love, for sure, and the love can keep us all going.

I just claim the scriptures, “By His stripes we are healed.” We are healed in the now. I claim this for Brandon. If God uses the doctors, then fine. But one way or the other, I pray he is healed.

Like K’s husband, I thought all along that part of his problem was his gall bladder. And with Brandon, I know it is Chron’s, but I think part of it is his gall bladder. And J’s doctor said it wasn’t his gall bladder but it was. Part of the problem, anyway. And I think the same about Brandon. K, please pray for these kids like you did for J.

Brandon was up all night last night and is resting now. But as soon as he rests awhile Mary will take him in.

Yesterday I went to my mom’s to help her with some housework. I had put some potatoes in the crock pot before I left so I could fix mashed potatoes for Jim when I got back home. Mom had sent home some meatloaf so that’s what we had for supper. I had some leftover mashed potatoes last evening and so now, this morning, I am making potato soup.

Also, at our store, if ya get there early? You can get milk, etc. that is almost outdated for a very low price. So a few days ago, Jim got a good deal on half pints of cream for 15¢. I love just plain cream in my coffee. And also I put cream in my potato soup this morning. I won’t bring all of this to a boil, as I think it would curdle the cream. I should have put the cream in at the last. “Don’t do as I do — do as I say.” Anyway, this morning I will just keep the soup on low. I put in a few slivered carrots and celery, dried parsley, onion, etc. Also I chopped up some ham to put in it. I think Jim will like it.

Also at the store last week, I found about 10 pounds of sweet potatoes marked down to 99¢ a bag or 5 pounds. So I bought both bags. These sweet potatoes look like a cross between a white baking potato and a regular dark orange sweet potato. These potatoes are like a yellow? They are wonderful baked with brown sugar on them and butter. But I think they would make a wonderful potato soup. I would use half regular white potatoes and half the sweet potatoes. I always love my soups to be pretty and colorful. I think these yellow sweet potatoes would make the soup look very pretty.

All of us are getting excited about our gardens in the spring. Now that John’s family is here from Missouri, we want to all have a garden together at our house.

Last fall when Jim thought we were goin’ belly up, he sold the tiller to our neighbor Aaron. I kept telling Jim, “Honey, don’t sell the tiller — things ain’t that bad.” Well, anyway, Aaron will loan it back to us this spring. He said he would. He is a nice happy go lucky guy. Actually, he is just like one of our kids. At night we lock this outside porch door with a rope. It has a lock but it unlatches very easily. So we put this little rope on it for safekeeping. Our kids know we do this and can get in, as they are used to jiggling the handle and then flipping the rope off and coming on in. Well, Aaron can do it, too, just as fast. He is Jimmy’s age, about 40, and has a nice family. He stops about once a week to visit with Jim. “I love visiting with you guys,” he tells us. So, anyway we will borrow his tiller for the spring.

I will never forget that day last fall. Wild Man is throwing things out in the yard to sell. Stuff we really needed. My friend Charlotte and me are sitting under the maple tree drinking ice tea with fresh mint in it. Miss Charlotte is giving me this sermon about how our dignity doesn’t depend on our material wealth. We are who we are with or without money. “I would find you interesting, Connie, even if you were rich.” Even the maple tree was borrowed, as it hangs in our yard from the neighbors next door.

Oh, mercy, “Life in the fast lane” — who can beat it.

He said that I said that she said that you said, etc. etc.

Oh, lately the younger kids have been fighting among each other. I hate it. John is trying to keep them all calm. They call him at work and tell him all about it. Then they call us. It’s just stupid stuff. Like, “He said, that I said, that she said, that we did, that they did and ‘I didn’t do it!’”

Brandon has threatened to take everyone on. John says, “That guy has more nuts than anyone I know.” Brandon is the one with Chron’s. I say, “He needs all the nuts he can get.” He has to be strong to have made it thus far. A swift wind could blow him over. If God don’t heal him, he is gonna die. I just go by faith that he is healed.

I told John that for them kids to run at me with all the stories is like a half dozen half baked cookies runnin’ at ya. They aren’t who they will be. I hope? I mean, God ain’t done with ‘em yet.

Talk about spirited kids. John called to visit yesterday with Jim and me. He spent an hour on the phone with me and one with Jim. He told us it’s all a bunch of gossip and it will all blow down. All the time, Romeo is yellin’ in the background, “I want pancakes.” Johnny is chasing him and playing with him the whole time he is on the phone. I can hear Romeo giggling and havin’ a ball. At the end of the conversation, John told me that Romeo was making his own pancakes.

Christine gets Romeo the Little Rascals movies to watch from the library. And he is trying out some of the stuff he sees. Verrry funny stuff! And John and Christine have a ball with Romeo.

When John and I were talking on the phone, I was imitating W.C. Fields. “I hate all of my kids.” John would say something and I would say, “I hate him” or “I hate her.” Ya know, W.C. was soooo funny. Jim and I have gotten some tapes from the library starring W.C. and these tapes couldn’t come at a better time. W.C. was always boppin’ someone on the head like I would love to do to my kids. He often stars with Mae West. Around our house, we are always imitating her. “When I am good, I am very, very good. And when I am bad, I am better.”

I am sad, though, concerning my kids lately. One reason we have so much falderal is that folks get out of their places. I told Jim that the good news is that Mary and Brandon love each other. And all of the kids love their mates. But it’s feuding of one family against the other … it’s this nit pickin’ gossip. I told John, “Ya know, none of this garbage is my business. I am no longer responsible for my older kids. They are grown and on their own. I have a home here to make for my own husband. I don’t want all of that gossip in my house. I don’t want to be upset or have Jim upset.” When the kids were young, I wanted details. Now that they are older, I don’t want details.

My home and business is here with Jim. And Jim is 65 years old and has to go to work. Not just for fun, but he really needs to work. I have to make a home here for him regardless of what my older kids do. My life is not an extension of theirs. I have my own nest here with Jim. My place of strength and dignity must stand.

Lately, I have felt I have had to hang onto the foundation of our home with all of my might. The wind has blown so severely upon us, enough to crush us if it were not for the Lord Jesus. His word is so clear about staying in family order. Each family has a holy circle about them. That circle of privacy has to remain. It is sacred.

Please agree in prayer with me, “I rebuke this wind of adversity upon my family in Jesus name.” Jesus spoke to the wind and I do, too, in Jesus’ name. I speak to my kids, “Peace, be still … all is well … all is well.”

Ya know, as older mothers, we must remain strong enough to mind our own business and to stay under our husband’s covering. Otherwise, I will tell you, you will be blown apart. We must hide in His care. This world is not our home — we are just passin’ through.

And in the midst of all of this Show Biz, I am tryin’ to write a book?

Good Morning. God is good! Jim has been off the last few days. Romeo stayed all night Monday night and, oh, he was so much fun. Then, yesterday, David and Baby Rose stopped for a while. Those little children are the joy of Jim’s and my life.

Romeo slept on the couch and I kept my bedroom door open to check on him. He could have slept in a bed in our room but he wanted to be on the couch. I always talk to him about Jesus and pray with him. I got up and checked him a few times in the night. He was sorta talking in his sleep at one point. I got up and went to him. “Are you warm enough, Romeo?” I said to him as I tucked him in. “Do you want to sleep with Gram?”

He said, “No, I am fine — I am having a good sleep for Jesus.” This is so precious because that little kid is so ornery at times. He is 3 years old and, oh, what a cute kid! He gets out all the toys and then he will say, “Grandma, you better clean that mess up.” He knows it is a mess but thinks I should clean it up. Well, we are all workin’ on him. One thing he will never have too little of is our love.

Well, anyway, so the bedroom door was open all night so I could listen for Romeo. Peggy Sue (our yellow cat) was hysterical with JOY. Her grandest wish is to sleep with me in our bed. So she got on the bed and then jumped off. Ran around the room. Got in my papers and books. Got under the bed and rummaged around under there, etc.

Jim had all he could take and went upstairs to sleep. Our tom cat Chance was up there. And he gets in this rocking at the end of the bed and climbs around? And so I hear this rockin’ chair, rocking back and forth, and rock rock rock all night. This bedroom is just over the top of ours. I knew Chance was rockin’ and rollin’ up there. Jim was reading cowboy books in bed.

Then, when ya think all is quiet, the cats will chase each other up and down the stairs. I mean, this is all true. I am not making it up.

This morning, when I got up and was in the bathroom, Jim yells to me that Chance is pounding on the bedroom window outside. If Chance can’t get in at night, then he will run around the house and pound on the bedroom window where Jim sleeps. Chance is declawed and uses his paws like fists, or more like hammers? So he don’t scratch on the window — he will pound on it.

We have a dog house outside and Chance will sometimes sleep in that at night. I put all of my old herbs in there when I clean out the garden or want to get rid of old potpourri. He loves it, as he hates Peggy Sue. And it gives him a place to be alone, to think, to ponder and to nap. Peggy Sue is the inside cat and Chance is the outside one who is inside a lot of the time. Are you all familiar with W.C. Fields? Well, Chance acts like him. He says, “Anyone who hates kids and hates dogs can’t be all bad.”

Romeo’s mom won’t hardly have any TV on at all in her house. So she goes to the library and gets tapes for Romeo to watch. Anyway, Romeo loves W.C. Fields and I do, too. So we watched that before he went to bed. Fields’ timing on some of that is so funny. My kids were brought up on W.C. Fields, too. Also, Christine gets Romeo the old Little Rascals shows. Then the Veggie Tales, etc.

We raised our Mary on the Shirley Temple movies. I would dress Mary like Shirley. Mary never had a pair of tennis shoes until she was a teenager. For the most part, she wore the little black Mary Jane shiny shoes. I put her in cute dresses and big bows in her hair.

A Barbie doll was never welcome in my house. I threw them out as fast as they came in. Barbie dolls were originally sex toys when they came to America. I hate those things. I taught Mary to be polite about them if relatives gave her one for Christmas. But we put them up and later threw them away. We appreciated the gifts and the thoughts behind them. We didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But me and naked big boobed Barbies don’t get along.

Poor Aunt Toot

One time, when Poor Aunt Toot came to visit, she was sitting on the couch beside the living room front door. She heard the doorknob rattle and thought we had ghosts. I knew it was Chance using his paws to try to open the door. But I played along and tried to scare Toot and make her think I didn’t know what the noise was. So the doorknob would rattle and I would pretend it was nothing, or that I didn’t hear anything. Toot’s eyes would get as big as pie plates. Then the rattling would stop and then start again. Of course, I am havin’ a ball with all of this. I would say it was nothing and then it would get quiet again. Finally, she says, “Something or someone is on the front porch.”

I finally told the truth. I didn’t want her to have a stroke. “Oh, Toot, it’s just the cat — don’t worry about it.” But she wanted to check it out for herself. And, to both of our surprises, it wasn’t the cat. We looked and looked out on the closed-in porch and it wasn’t the cat. Toot is on sedatives, anyway, and this is all she needed. Poor Aunt Toot will never forget any of this.

Also, one time when she came over, I was hemorrhaging. I was in my nightgown sitting on the couch on a big doubled up towel. I am trying to get the blood to stop. Toot comes in the door and there I am. I say calmly that I am bleeding really bad. Of course, Toot is ready for anything. I had a bunch of bloody towels in the bathtub. But I am walking by faith, so I sit real calm on the couch and Toot and I talk and visit. Pretty soon, I said I had to get up to go to the bathroom. Toot almost fainted herself before I did. And she says, “Don’t get up until I pray.” So she really prays and the blood quit flowing immediately. It was a miracle none of us will ever forget. I was immediately healed and never hemorrhaged again. I got up and took a bath and did a full day’s work. I was really healed and felt like a million bucks.

I had to get probably 10 boxes of the fruits and vegetables that day. I used to buy all the leftover stuff from the store. Anyway, Jim brought it all home and I put a lot of it away. I sold some to the neighbors that day. And I had coffee and cookies for everyone and ran around the table and served treats all day. I never rested or anything. I didn’t tell anyone I had almost bled to death earlier in the day. Well, I didn’t want to confess it. I had to quick wring out all the bloody towels in the bathtub and get them washed up before the family saw them. I mean, life goes on, right? Ya got a houseful of children and a husband who is doin’ all he can do to keep the food on the table. And thank God Toot came over when she did.

I have read stories about folks up in the Appalachian mountains who had different gifts of healing. There were no doctors up there so the Lord would give folks different gifts, and one gift was given to different ones to be able to stop bleeding if someone was bleeding and dying. I believe Toot has this gift. I don’t think she knew she had it until she walked in on me. I didn’t have the gift obviously!

Knowing me keeps poor Aunt Toot on the edge. I don’t always agree with her but I have to hand it to her — she has the gift of stopping a mean hemorrhage. Thanks, Toot, you’re a lifesaver.

Oh, in myself I see the trials and tribulations of the world. I want to head into them with the word of God. And yet His anointing is my bread and drink. I have no life or call outside of Him. His anointing is so precious to me. I am not the world’s water girl. I am His daughter. I am under His authority and my water is precious. I want to water everyone I see and yet my water is not my own. I borrow it from Jesus and I dish it out only as I gaze heavenward.

Can He trust me with this water? Can He trust us wives and mothers with the burdens He has given us. What will we do when we go through what P wrote about this morning? Will we not give up? Will we stand for Jesus? He wants to know. And when He sees that He can trust us, then we share some of His glory. He takes us to His palace and shows us some of His jewels and power. Ain’t no power on the earth like His power. Once He touches you with His anointing, then you chase that anointing for the rest of your life. You will do anything to be in His presence again and again. As you drink of His water of life, it satisfies your soul.

It’s not all about our families. It is all about Him. As we put Him first, we fall into His order for the family. The preachers double talk and say, “Put Jesus first,” meaning forget the family. No — a million times no — we as wives must be brought up in Christ in the home first. We learn to know Jesus as we learn our Bible roles as wife and mother. We refuse to go to the world.

As obedient horses, we come to the cart as we learn how to willingly stand still and let Him strap us to a burden. And we walk one foot in front of the other with blinders on our eyes. As the Master pulls us to the left, we go willingly and then the the right, we go willingly. And some day the Lord says about us, “I trust her. I can just let her go and she will take this cart on home. She isn’t skittish. She isn’t fearful. I can fall asleep in the cart and she would walk obediently back home.”

Then one day the Lord begins to show you His glory and He tells you to run like the wind and forget the halter, the straps that bind you. And He lets you run on your own. And now that you are on your own, what will you do? The Lord Jesus watches you with a Father’s heart, hoping so much that you will come back HOME just because you love Him. Not because you are on a leash. And not because you Have to come back to His guiding hand. But just because you long for His anointing and the taste of the water that quenches your thirst as none other can. He watches you and His heart swells with Love as He sees His chosen daughter return to Him and again forsaking the world.

You love Him. He is your God. You long for Him as He is your true husband. You become His wife, His chosen one. He calls you to come out from among them and to be separated unto Him. Mete for the Master’s use.