I have been reading a book written by Debi Pearl. I agree with what she writes. She writes from a different view point than I do. Well, her husband is a preacher and mine is not. And we have to remember that most of our husbands are not Michael Pearls. Hey, don’t we wish they were, huh?
I could just see Dr. Dobson coming to my house for the afternoon. Jim would have a nicotine fit if the Dr. stayed more than a few hours. The Dr. would say to Jim, “So, Brother, where do you fellowship?” and Jim would tell him that he had church at home, and then a can of worms would be opened. I wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation to get in there and rescue Jim and say something astoundingly religious as to make Dr. THINK that we weren’t true heathens.
Papa slings hash when he talks to preachers. He nervously pops from one subject to the next, as if to hide from being at a loss of words. He don’t want anyone to think he is not knowing what to say. I just can hardly keep up with him. Jim goes off on some tangent about we all gotta do something or another. I am like a ping pong ball … lookin’ at preacher and then at Jim, trying to keep up with Jim. If you only heard my end of the conversation it would go like this … “Well, yeah he means?” … “Um, no, what he really means is????” Well, then Jim keeps interrupting all my sentences. And I am trying to honor Jim and be submissive and quiet. But Jim leaves preacher so astounded that I am tryin’ to keep preacher from having a heart attack.
Well, Jim will tell something I did that he thought was kinda neat. But it was something I wouldn’t have told anyone but Jim?? But Jim, being Jim, thinks everyone loves me when they don’t. And some folks think I am out and out nuts. But finally, wild man will simmer down and lean back in his chair and say, “Well, ya know, I used to be quite the rebel.” And then, as if to try to regain some lost territory for his very tired (at this) time wife, he says, “If it wasn’t for the little woman over there, I would be dead by now. Her prayers kept me for many years.”
Oh, that man I am married to is a wild cat sometimes. I mean, I have peace with him, and he loves me and I love him. But he is just plain man and that is it.
Back in the old days, when I was religious and did EVERYTHING RIGHT? Oh, and I could do-er, too!!! I was the perfect Baptist. Well, I had talked wild man into going to church with me. Well, Papa wasn’t saved yet, for sure. Anyway, it was a nice quiet summer Sunday morning. We lived about three blocks from church. We looked all nice and duded up as we walked to church with our 5 year old son. Well, we got there and I was talkin’ to someone, and I turned around and Jim had decked the preacher in the front church yard. I took my son Jimmy and ran home as fast as I could go. I mean, talk about embarrassing! Well, Papa was so crazy back then. This was back in the early 70s. So, anyway, he forgot the whole thing after he got saved. So he sees some of those church folks at garage sales nowadays? They kinda back up from him. I don’t say a word — I just keep on keepin’ on. I wouldn’t say to Jim, “Honey, those folks are backin’ up because you punched their preacher in the nose on Sunday morning … in front of his own church.” Naw, I would just leave it alone.
Actually, in my marriage, I was dropped out of a jet plane and landed on my feet … and, when my feet hit the ground, I just kept on runnin’. That’s miracle enough. The church folks will have to think what they want.
And I will never forget Bob who came to our house to ask Jim to church. Bob thought, if he could just get Jim mad enough, then Jim would tell us all why he didn’t like church. Well, I knew why Jim didn’t like church, so it was no mystery to me. And I told Bob that if he got Jim mad enough, Jim would knock him out. Well, Bob didn’t believe me and had to find out the hard way.
And, yes, I am enjoying the book. I think they all make some very good points. It’s a refresher course for me, as I have lived on these teachings for years.
I guess my opinion is that a lot of you all need to make sure you realize that most husbands aren’t Dr. Dobson or Michael Pearl. I think a lot of women get very disappointed when they think they have done all the right things and still their husbands don’t do right. Or what they figure is right. I mean, some men don’t know the church lingo, for instance. He can’t figure out, for the life of him, why that guy calls him “Brother” when he doesn’t have a brother, just a sister. I mean, I have the church language down pat, as you can tell. And Jim has picked up a lot of it from me. But, ya know, Jim knows the move of the Holy Spirit when it hits him. He knows the really deep moves of the Spirit. That’s all he knows.
Jim is the man of the house, let me tell ya. He knows a man works and, if he don’t work and take care of his family by the sweat of his brow, then he ain’t a real man. Jim’s religion is “Hey, Man, grow up. Get a job. You have a nice little family there and kids to feed. And if I can drive a pizza delivery car to put food on my table at 64 years old, then so can you.” Jim will say sometimes about some poor schnook that’s tryin’ to make it, “Well, at least he works … he can’t be all bad. He takes care of his family and puts a roof over their heads. Let him go — quit condemning him.” And Jim has NO respect for a man that makes his wife work as he stays home with the kids. Jim will say the children need their mother. Wild man used to go out and tell some of these guys off that made their wives work. Well, he has mellowed out now. And he just goes to work faithfully.
I tell him, “Honey, let the tail go with the hide. Folks will learn the hard way, as we did.”
Or Jim will say, “Well, that guy goes to church … don’t he know he ain’t supposed to make his wife work?” Papa thinks it is just good ol’ common sense to keep the little woman at home with the kids. And in our marriage, Papa never crossed that line of interfering with my role as keeper at home. In the early years of our marriage, if Jim didn’t want to live right, then he left home. And when he got right with God, he came back home. Of course, now he has given his life to the Lord and has been home and has cared for us for 25 years.
Papa reminds me of this ol’ preacher I heard about. He learned his religion the hard way. And this man was just a poor man who lived up in the hills. Never been to church that much. And he had heard that Jesus healed the blind man with some spit and some mud. So when this man prayed for someone, he spit on all of ‘em just for good measure. Well, I suppose after he knew better, he didn’t spit on ‘em anymore. But some among us were not raised among the religious folks. And some of these men comin’ up, the church will never reach with their religious lingo. The only way some of these hardhearted men will be won is by the wife who daily eats the heavenly manna and lives it out in her home.
The rules and regulations in Christendom will work for many. And when good folks like the Pearls drop their nets in the water, they pull up the majority of the fish. And yet, many lonely fish do not get picked up in their net. And the specialists must come by.
The praying wife searches and seeks for her lost husband in the rolling, stormy sea of life. Through her prayers, she sends out the searchlight, and her husband sees it and is directed back home. Back to the family home and back to the arms of Jesus. This wife and mother works so hard, and her work is so secret and so unnoticed. She sits at the feet of Jesus, as only He can satisfy her soul. Only He can save the lost and forsaken among us. Jesus is the answer … nothing is too hard for Him. I know, as I have been there and done that.
And sometimes Wild Man and me will be in a store, and some crazy guy will come through the door. I think to myself, “Well, Papa will say something to this guy.” And, sure enough, I will hear Jim say, “How’s it goin’?” And the man will smile at Jim … so glad Jim spoke to him.
Papa seems to reach out to the poorest among us. And our Chrissy Joy says she will never forget her Daddy and what he did once when she went with him to pick her brother Jimmy up at the bus station for a leave from the Navy. She said, “Mom, Daddy saw an old bum, and he went up to him and gave him almost all the money he had in his pocket.” (Christian Joy always calls Jim “Daddy.” The other kids always call him Dad.) I think Jim thinks “Except for the grace of God, he could have been that ol’ bum.” And so many men ask Jim to come with them to the prisons to minister. But Papa always says, “No, I have had enough of that. I don’t want any part of it.”
I think Jim is often torn, as he sure has a heart for the unsaved man. And Papa works with a lot of young kids. And he will tell ‘em they better quit their drinkin’ and take care of their families. Or quit the drugs or whatever. Or, “I thought you went to church and got saved. You don’t act saved?” I suppose Papa gives a bit of testimony then, too. Often, some of the guys will ask him to go out drinkin’ with them, and Papa tells them he don’t need that stuff … he wants to go home to his wife.
In the old days, women in the work place would ask him what he was doing after work. “Goin’ home to my wife,” he would tell them. You wouldn’t believe the women that tried to pick him up, and still do. When Jim drove a shuttle at the airport, this woman said, “Well, I believe I will just take you home with me — you are cute.” And Jim told her, “Not me, you ain’t.”
Jim doesn’t hobnob with the folks at work … he can’t wait to get home to our house after work. He was always pretty much a maverick and a loner. I am glad for that.
Somehow, through many trials and tribulations, Jim and I have come together as one. We somehow made a home. The kids are all kinda wild, but they love us and each other. Jim and I were talkin’ about Dan’s wedding in September. Jim mentioned inviting some homeschooling friends. Then we both said together, “Oh, no, we would be embarrassed to death.” But ya know, we are prayin’ for our kids, and we do see good things coming about.
Jim and I have a lot of love for our children and they love us back. One of our sons owed us a lot of money that we had loaned him on a car. Jim got after him to pay it back, but our son has been slow goin’ about it. One day, Jim said to him, “Hey, ya know, when I was young, I never paid anyone back, either … so you don’t have to pay me back.” After this, our son seems to have softened up a lot and has opened his heart to Jim and me. And he just said lately he wanted to go to college. Jim has begged him to go and he just wouldn’t … yet, now he has changed his mind.
And our son … oh, help me Jesus!!! Jim cosigned on a car for one of our sons and, of course, our son didn’t pay for it. And now our credit is not good. And when we went to get a $200 loan to fix our car, we couldn’t get it. But we have forgiven our son, too, and this has made us dear to the boys. We have told them that we have forgiven them. And they know we are poor, too. So they know it is a sacrifice for us. And ya know, when you are in the deep mire and you forgive those around you when it takes a lot to do so, the Lord touches their hearts. Of course, Jim says they will never get another loan out of him. But I bet the next time they need money, Jim will just give it to them and the heck with a loan. “They are young,” Papa tells me. “They will be ok.” And Papa loves my babies I gave him. This means the world to me. And Papa forgives them as I forgave him. He never gives up on them, even though I do a hundred times a day.
Papa just loves our children and he loves me. I never doubt his love.