Today I will go to my folks’ house for a Memorial Day celebration. Jim has to work but may get off early. Tomorrow he will be off and I hope we can do something together. I tell Jim, “Papa, you are my family, now that the kids are all grown up.”
Today, for the dinner at the folks, we will have a cook out and I will bring baked beans. I just drain some cans of beans in a bowl and then add ketchup and brown sugar and mustard. I think Papa hid all the onions so I won’t put them in. I am going out later to see if any of my wild onions came up and I will use those. Papa never met an onion he ever liked, so I keep them out of his way. I do have some green pepper that I will put in, and then just salt and black pepper. I just bake them in the oven until they bubble up good. I will bring Papa home a plate of whatever we have for dinner today.
I took Baby for a long walk last evening in the stroller. I feel like my whole body is coming back from the dead. I am using muscles I haven’t used in a while. It’s good for me, but the old bones are yellin’ “STOP” and did all night. I know I kept wild man awake. He is probably glad I got up so he can sleep a bit more this morning without me doin’ the boogie dance with my tossin’ and turnin’.
I am always like, “Lord can’t ya get someone young for what I do?” I am thinkin’ “No, I guess not.” Ya know, our spirits never grow old. We think they do and when God calls us for something, we judge the calling by our age. But Abraham considered not his own body or the deadness of Sarah’s womb. And ya know, God could have called a younger woman to replace Sarah. But He called Sarah because of her faith and Abe’s faith. He saw something in these two. And even though, early on, they were two accidents going some place, God knew that they would pull through when the act of faith was needed. And they did and became examples of faith.
And we are Sarah’s daughters, as long as we aren’t afraid with any amazement. And, heck, we all get scared in our walk of faith. But we can’t be afraid enough to quit. We are called to be champions for Christ. Lights in the darkness. Can we trust in Christ? But more … so much more … is the question, “Can Christ trust in us?”
So many times, I am in the dark spiritually. I cry out, “Oh Lord, I don’t know where to go or what to do.”
And the Lord speaks to me, “Connie, I know you don’t know what to do or where to go, but I trust you to go on in God.”
And so often, I feel I hold a chunk of His plans in my hands and I feel the angels watchin’ me and wondering what I will do with what God has given me. Oh, can God trust us when we pray and we aren’t healed? Or when the cards are stacked against us and nothing but darkness prevails around us? Can He safely trust in us? The Savior waits upon us so often and I will say to Him, “Lord, what is your plan? What am I to do?”
And I feel Him saying, “I don’t know until you make a decision to go the right way … the future is in your hands. The future is held with your obedience.” As Christians, we run the show. God doesn’t run over the top of us and make our decisions for us. He opens up His miracles when we choose to follow Him without fear.
If we are strong in our faith, then we won’t be afraid of the giants in the land. Yet there are plenty of giants in the land. But the believers who stay home and won’t go out to take over territory for Christ are not the safe ones. The believers who walk in faith and go with the call of God are the protected and blessed ones. We must go on in Christ and live out His life and let the dead bury the dead.
We as Christian wives and mothers will never die. We will live forever in heaven. We have an eternal life and it is going on now. We are here for a short time to be tested and tried and to change this world of sin for the Lord. We live in a pagan society. Yet we are called to be lights in the darkness … the salt of the earth.
And ya know, I have been prophetic at times. Or the Lord has spoken to me about my future. But ya know, most of the time I just go along and take life as it comes. And there is an art to that. But ya gotta learn it, as you learn anything. It’s kinda like playing the piano by ear. It’s a gift, but it’s a gift that can be developed. You can add experience to a gift, or courage. You can get stronger in your faith and your gift will work better. As you read the word, then you train your inner man to listen to God.
My oldest son, Jimmy, tells me, “Mom, you never do anything that everyone thinks you are gonna do.” Well, that’s because I try not to listen to the god of this world. We, as Christian wives who are obedient to Him, don’t listen to the god of this world. And if we fit in with this godless society, then we had better be wondering why. We are not to fit in, but we are to be the map out of it. Our lives should shine as examples of wisdom and direction. We are to stand strong as the unbelievers bounce off of us and curse us. And we must come back again and again to our enemies to forgive them and give them the truth.
Now, I don’t mean some of you Mothers with a flock of little birds to care for. No, you all should be like Mary and hide away to raise your children. This is your example … you are lights in the darkness … maps to wisdom.
Ya know, I didn’t even give my testimony for about 18 years. Jim was healed when I was 32 and I didn’t write anything to be sent out until I was 50 years old. Jim gave his testimony and I would chime in. Or if someone was dyin’ without it, I gave it to them secretly. But years passed without me giving my testimony. Now the Lord has shot me out into the internet and I am not comfortable out here, believe me.
See, I hid away to raise my children for the Lord. I homeschooled for 15 years. I started homeschooling under much oppression. In the old days, you didn’t homeschool in Iowa. Folks went to jail for this. And I did my very best with my children, and then they all went away from God. Talk about a shock! I thought God hated me.
Then He asked me to write and I said, “What for?” I am tellin’ the Lord that I have to be the worst mother alive on the planet. Folks ask me how my kids turned out, as I had homeschooled the last three. I couldn’t say, “They all went away from God.” The whole thing has made me so danged mad that I can’t believe it. So I figured I had no place to go but up. I felt like the laughingstock of the homeschool movement. So I figured, “Well, hell, I don’t have a reputation to keep up. I may as well tell the truth about my life, such as it is. So I send my testimony about a healed marriage to Above Rubies and it goes to 90 countries, and a hundred and some thousand households. And I have heard from many readers that my testimony changed their lives for the good. Talk about never doing anything folks think I will.
I mean, I wanted to roll over and die when my kids went against the Lord after I had spent hours with them and prayed for them for 15 years. I was a godly mother and wife and I don’t back up when I say that. As God is my witness, I stood for God all of my life, after I was saved at 19 years old. I have never compromised the word of God that I know of. And yet, as my children have shamed me, I have to say with Job, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.”
And I have to say that as I have been obedient to God, my children are coming back to Christ. Johnny and his wife are believers, and Mary (my baby) is walking with the Lord, and the youngest boys are coming in, too. I see a softness in Christian Joy and I see the Lord wearing her down.
But I had to obey God in such a darkness. And I had to trust in Him when I felt He hated me.
I had a friend who raised her children with our family. And then her children went on to Bible school and she was rewarded for being a good mother. And yet, I was not … my heart broke. And ya know, to obey God when darkness is as thick as mud around you … and the devil is screamin’ bloody murder at ya and giving you dreams and visions of family destruction? And yet ya still hang on? That’s powerful stuff!!! To not give up when Satan lays the plan before you as no other way out.
Just hold on, Darlin’, the miracles are at hand. Some prayers take a little longer to get answered but don’t give up and you will see His glory.
I have seen many miracles concerning my children. But if hadn’t, I would still be standin’ here writing. Because I have made a decision to follow Him. As I go up my mountain to fellowship with Him, I don’t come to Him as my children’s mother or Jim’s wife. I come to Him as Daughter. His own daughter. I was bought with the price of His blood. As He asks me, “Will you leave me, too?” I have to say, “Savior, I have no where to go but up. If I never see You bless my children, I still have no place to go but to You. You are my Son-shine. My only Son-shine. You make me happy when skies are gray.”
And, no, I have no place else to go except to Him. I want Him to bless me and my children with me. But if He doesn’t, I will still trust in Him.