Last night, before I went to bed, I was telling Jim about what happened to me a few nights ago. I never intended to write about it on the email. But, as I prayed this morning, the Lord told me to write it. “Well, Lord, those ladies will think I am nuts.” Well, I have to obey the Lord.
It was Friday night … somewhere in the wee hours of probably Saturday morning. But Papa had taken all the blankets. I was turned toward him and my back was cold. I felt Mary the mother of Jesus come to me and cover my back, as if to cover me up as I was cold. She knew I needed a covering. I was so startled and the whole thing frightened me. I was half asleep and I reached out for Jim’s comfort. I snuggled up to Papa and went back to sleep. Mary’s touch and covering felt like angels’ wings fluttering about me, covering me and keeping me warm with a covering made of feathers. I didn’t tell anyone about what I felt until last night when I told Papa. But all day Saturday, I felt that feeling on my back of a covering of angels wings. Lynetta often says to me, “Connie, I’ve got your back,” meaning I am praying for you, backing you. I wonder if the women in the Bible are backing me?
As I write of wisdom and hear her voice from Proverbs, oh, she is like a mother to me. It is so sad that Mother has been thrown out of the church, and now she has to be like a man to get back in. She must forget her life as a mother to come back in. And the world talks about WOMEN’S RIGHTS. They will give her “her rights” providing she will act like a man. It’s like telling a duck that if she will act like a squirrel … stay out of the water and climb trees and eat nuts, she will be more of a duck. One day the duck gets sick of trying to climb trees and hates eating nuts and is tired of trying to grow a bushy tail. So she waddles off into the pond and enjoys the refreshing water. Later, she comes back out and makes a nest and lays some eggs and enoys being a “Mama Duck.” Well, it’s all that simple. A duck is a duck and a squirrel is a squirrel.
I have had so much in my heart lately about celebrating motherhood. Oh, mothers, we should enjoy being mothers. As we are, we find our refreshing water. Like the mother duck, we find our place. We find our PEACE in our place. We should love to put our hands in dish water and feel the refreshment of our work as keepers at home.
Honestly, I find so much peace when I wash with my wringer washer. I mean, how much joy is it to push a button on your automatic washer? Back in the old days, before I got my FREE wringer washer, I washed my family’s clothes in the bath tub. Not for very long, maybe a few weeks. But we had our big family and I couldnt afford to take all those clothes to the laundramat. Back then, when Papa had just gotten saved. Heck, he could harldly find a job. He would do anything to keep food on the table. He was doing his best, so I figured I had better make do, too, and do my best. And that meant doing my wash by hand. But I loved it.
I just did whatever it took to keep the family running smoothly. Our dog Lady had several litters of 14 puppies. We couldn’t afford dog food for all those puppies. So I would make huge pans of oatmeal for them and put in instant milk and meat fats and left over food from the family table. Those little puppies were the children’s toys, and they loved them and they were so cute. They were happy and well fed. And my family was well fed, too. I just cooked and baked all the time.
Ya know, when I was raising the children and tryin’ to keep food on the table, well, it was hard sometimes. My friends, Jill and Dixie, were raising their children, too, and about like Jim and I, they struggled, too. But, ya know what, somehow we women always kept food in the house. After the utility bills and the rent was paid, then came food. And often out of the grocery money, we had to buy household items or clothes. In the winter, trying to buy gloves and hats for the children was always a struggle. But we mothers would trade clothes back and forth, or give each other some of our vaseline or shampoo if we had enough.
I would always pray and ask the Lord’s help. And folks would say, “Jim and Connie’s kids always look nice and they are all so good looking and healthy.” Most folks never knew the struggles that went on behind closed doors. I lived very in tune to the Holy Spirit because I had no other way to go. I didn’t go out and hob nob with the world.
I mean, Papa had been so wild for so many years. I mean, to be his wife was like trying to tame a wild stallion. If he got mad at work, heck, he thought not twice of busting some guy in the mouth and walking out the danged door, and never looking back, by the way. Well, Papa grew up and he dont do things like that anymore. I just kept believing the Lord for him, and he did quit doing things like that. I got the victory over Papa and the fear of what he would do next.
One day, many years ago, I could tell he was heatin’ up and was ready to quit another job. I said to him, “My faith can handle that. Can yours?” He said he didn’t think so, so I said “Well you’re on your own, then, because I dont care what the hell you do. My faith can handle it.” And my faith did handle it. God was with me, no matter what Papa did.
Oh, he was hard to handle sometimes. This guy came to our house. Well, he kept coming and inviting us to his church. I told him he hadn’t better come again, as Papa was heating up. Well, he came again and Papa decked him and he never came again. I mean, after he got up and ran out the door, I was so embarrassed, I thought I would DIE … Just Die on the spot. But I never said a word. I just prayed and Papa asked me if I wanted to go to K-Mart, and I said yes and I just kept walking in faith. I only told Jill and she acted like, “What else is new?”
We mothers walked by faith and not by sight. We kept our eyes on the miracle to come and not on the hell around us. We were visionaries and raised our children and submitted to our husbands by faith. We always looked to a better tomorrow.
Well, Papa did learn how to do right and control himself, and thank the Lord for that.